The Vampire's Special Colombian-Blend Coffee

Yuletide 2013

2013-10-08T05:47:52Z

Dear Yulepersonage!
Thank you so much for doing this, you've won my admiration and heart already, my spleen and liver will follow in a shortly.

I love good dialogue, character moments and little insights. If you feel a dramatic, serious story bubbling in your brain, please go ahead!
The fic can be as filthy as your pervy mind can make it, or as sweet and innocent as a little kitten.

Optional details are of course, optional, so I'll just throw in a few ideas. Hell, any AU set in SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE would be fun to read.

I don't have many real dislikes or squicks. Character death or violence can find their way into the fic if you feel it fits.

I hope you have a wonderful and productive writing period, and find an enjoyable gift waiting on Yuletide Day.

You can find me at AO3 as Tish

Fandom 1: Strangers With Candy
Characters: **Any** - Chuck Noblet, Geoffrey Jellineck, Jerri Blank, Iris Puffybush.
Comments: Anything ridiculous, slashy and silly would be welcomed with open arms (and legs).
Given the history of the first 3 characters, filthydirtybadwrong porn is almost mandatory, however you're not behoovied to write it.

Let's talk a little about the characters. First, there's Chuck, bless his tormented and self-denying heart. He's a coward, deathly afraid of being exposed as a fraud, yet when he's alone with Geoffrey he can be full of joy and love.
Maybe you can write about how he become this messed up shell of a man?
Maybe he's trying to come up with a silly role play sex romp where he can get the upper hand? Rival gold prospectors or coal miners, perhaps.
Maybe you can write a future fic. Stephen Colbert's said in his audience Q and As that Chuck and Geoffrey lived happily ever after, so there's scope there for a story about "a pair of middle-aged homos".

Then there's Geoffrey. What little secrets lurk behind those pillowy lips and hair like a sea anemone?
Was there ever a time where he actually gave a student some useful advice?
Did he ever get *~~~~inspired~~~~* to really paint something?
What little tricks does he use to wrap Chuck around his fingers (and tongue)?

Jerri. So innocent, yet apt to slide back into survival mode.
Does she have any regrets?
Did she ever get that bacon strip sizzling?
Did she teach Chuck and Geoffrey some useful skills post-series?

Iris Puffybush, international Woman of Mystery.
She's everywhere - Principal Blackman's secretary, a nurse, proprietor of the plastic plant plant. Is she a clone, triplets, supremely organised?
Did she have a wild past? Maybe she's got something in common with Jerri?

SWC had a run of 3x10 episodes, so it's fairly easy to go through. US people should be able to watch the series online at Hulu (US) or here (International).

Iit's also available on dvd and at varrrrrrrr-ious piratey places.

********************

Fandom 2: Exit 57
Characters: **Any** - Troy, Laughton, The Rattler
Comments: Looking for a 5 minute fandom? Exit 57 was a sketch show, so there's plenty of bite-sized weirdness. It was an early indication of the inspired ridiculousness of Stephen Colbert, Amy Sedaris, and Paul Dinello.

If you write Troy and/or Laughton, maybe tell me about a typical day. Does Troy ever get high at work and think the produce section is an alien invasion? Maybe Laughton goes for a promotion, or at least tries to get his beloved blue jacket back.

The Rattler - what's he like on a date? How does someone recover from an encounter with this man?
How did he get to be The Man, The Myth, The Rattler? Is it a family business, did some weird elder pass on his secret methods?

The Troy and Laughton sketch can be found here, and The Rattler here.

********************

Fandom 3: The Bill
Characters: Jo Morgan, Norika Datta
Comments: Two strong women in a tough job. Maybe a slice of a day where everything goes wrong? Hilarity ensues, or maybe tragedy, or just plain tedium and aggro from the punters?

There's plenty of scope to write about these two women as minorities in the police force, and Datta is a double minority, so some political intrigue may be something to explore.

If you feel up to it, how about something slashy? Full-on porny stroll down the Jasmine Alley or just a recognition of kindred spirits, anything is wecome.

********************

Fandom 4: Spirited
Characters: Henry Mallet, Suzy Darling

Comments: What a show! Bittersweet, brittle, sharp-edged, yet romantic.
Maybe you could write about one of those interludes where Henry and Suzy are together in that void. A passionate moment, or a fun "night out".

Is there a moment that either of them look back on when Suzy is old and surrounded by her grown-up family?
Does Henry find any of the other ghosts again? Fix-it fic? Is there an episode where you wished it had gone in a different direction?

Dear Yuletide Author!

2011-11-18T11:36:11Z

Dear Third Monday Writer!

2011-01-25T04:17:35Z

Here's my prompts.

Fandom/s 1: Fake News - the Daily Show
Prompt 1: I'd especially be delighted in anything featuring Aasif, Wyatt or Larry, if you can give them a chance to shine.

Fandom/s 2: Real News/ Fake News
Prompt 2: Rachel Maddow gets "Stephen" to appear on her show. He thinks she's in love with him.

Fandom/s 3: The West Wing FPF/American Political RPF
Prompt 3: Josh Lyman and Rahm Emanuel clash sexily. CJ Cregg and/or Donna Moss being awesome would be a special bonus if you like.

Fandom/s 4:American Political RPF
Prompt 4: Rahm Emanuel being a BAMF.

First of all, thank you so much for writing me a fic for Third Monday, it's a joy to read something that someone has written especially for you.
I love moments from life, delicious dialogue and interaction between characters.
Tone can range from ridiculously silly to serious minded. In fact, my gift from last year's Third Monday was a beautiful sombre-minded story (READ IT!), so don't be afraid to go there if you feel the piece needs it.
Rating can be anywhere from sweet and innocent to filthy, dirty pr0n. Actually, the presence of Rahm Emanuel in my prompts almost demands pr0n.

I know that this is a gift and want you to put your own heart, soul and spleen into it to make a delicious zombie fiction stew.

Thank you and may you get a fantastic story in return!

Dear Yuletide Writer...

2010-11-19T11:22:12Z

Gawd, it's upon us again!
My dearest Yuletider,
you are a champion for taking on this task, and I thank you so much. <3
What do I want in a fic? I like tension, comedy and drama. I like little character moments and smart dialogue.
I don't mind how explicit or innocent the situation into which you plunge our characters. You may find that an initially humorous story becomes very serious. If you feel it works, I'll be appreciative of anything you write.

Edit: thought I'd better add some more details, don't want to dump my poor Yuletide writer into a totally blank writer's wonderland!
My requests!

Fandom:The Bill
Character(s):Cass Rickman
Cass Rickman was feisty and funny. I loved how she interacted with the other characters, especially Nick Klein, Smiffy and even Sam Harker.
There was a moment at the end of the Leroy Jones saga, where Don Beech could easily have drawn her into his dodgy world. That relationship would have been interesting to explore. In fact, any unlikely pairing would be intriguing to read.

Fandom:Colbert Report RPF
Character(s):Stephen Colbert, Tad the Building Manager
What can one say? Despite not seeing Tad for aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaages, there's something about their relationship that still tickles me. Where's he been for all this while?

Fandom:Fake News RPF
Character(s):Aasif Mandvi, John Oliver
At the moment, Aasif and John are at the top of my list of favourite Daily Show correspondents. Anything at all that involves them would make me purr.

Fandom:Doug Anthony All Stars RPF
Character(s):Tim Ferguson, Richard Fidler, Paul McDermott
I've been a fan since the Dougs exploded onto the Big Gig in 1989. It was like watching angels who had been corrupted and plummeted from heaven onto a pokey little stage in a pokey little studio in Elsternwick.
There's something about the utterly fearless, no holds barred self-slashiness of the boys that really made you sit up and take notice.

Yuletide - The Reveal

2010-01-03T05:43:26Z

Happy New Year, beloved scumbags.

Here's my Yuletide author reveal post.
I received, Good Year In Fucknutsville, an Obama-verse story which was written by the splendid bofoddity.
Once again, thank you, so much. It was a gorgeously sexy, intimate piece that made me smile reading it.

My fic was 2012: A Colbocalypse, (the Colbert Report) for Dejana Talis.
I think 19 people offered to write for TCR, and only 1 requested it, so I was the lucky one! I had a lot of fun writing it, and I hope you do, too.

count_nickula @ 2009-12-30T17:19:00

2009-12-30T06:18:57Z

Roland S. Howard, you'll be missed.

Can it be 2010 now?

Happy Yuletide and Merry Christmas!

2009-12-25T08:00:41Z

Yuletide's been unleashed, and we promptly killed AO3's servers ded for a while. Still very flaky service, and the wonderful fic I received is sitting open on a tab, looking a bit nekkid without the style sheet loaded. I won't close the tab for fear of losing the fic.
Anyway, it's called Good Year in Fucknutsville - a title which I declare to be fukken awesome. Almost as awesome as the fic itself.
It's beautiful, it's sassy, it's delicious. Thank you, dear writer, I cherish it! ♥

I managed to get Bill Bailey, Shaun Micallef, Tom Waits and Johnny Depp fro Christmas, albeit in dvd/cd format. Oh, and a robotic spider with which I can use to drive the cat loopy *insert diabolical laughter*

Fiction, kitteh and Lycra!Stephen

2009-12-21T03:26:11Z

* yuletide fic safely posted to the fancy-arse new archive, anonymous status intact (I hope!) ;)
There's a few requests I peeked at which piqued my interest, so I might manage a few treats for the New Year.

* Also, Third Monday assignments are due out in a day or so. Moar fic, yay! \0/

* Brooke's so much better now! She has a hearty appetite and has been tucking into her food very happily. She's been outside to explore the jungle and had a bit of solar recharging on the paving area. She's one happy cat, though I expect she misses her old owner.

* Obligatory Stephen Colbert is fucking awesome moment. The Colbert Nation has picked up the sponsorship for the US speed skating team, to the tune of $300,00 (and the tune of TCR, Baby Mumbles by Cheap Trick).

* Finally, to meet the quota of tiny Jew hsubands, here's an early victim of Rahm Emanuel.

HAPPY FUCKING BIRFDAY, STRAWBERRYSGIRL! FUCK YEAH!

2009-12-13T09:31:25Z

DAMN, WOULD YOU BELIEVE THAT HAWT SHIKSA, bergeronprocess IS 21 TODAY? FUCK YEAH!

HAPPY BIRFDAY!

Hope you have a fukken awesome day, bb!

YOU'RE A KITTY!

2009-12-06T08:19:59Z

As per the xkcd graph on kittehs, I has a kitteh and my brain has turned to mush.

This is Brooke. She's 10 year old Burmilla, from the local animal shelter. Her previous owner died, apparently.

She's still getting used to our place, had a good wander round, and continually circumnavigated my bed as I was trying to sleep. She hasn't eaten yet, turning her nose up at dry and two varieties of soft food, as well as cooked chicken and steak. Hopefully, it's just a case of settling down and not because she's being a right Madam.

Looks like she's ready to fall asleep now. :)

Yuletide: Dear Yule Goat

2009-11-05T10:26:33Z

Dear Yule Goat,

Oh, you poor person. You've drawn me in the Yuletide Lucky Dip. You may ask yourself how you may please me? What words could you write that would tickle my fancy and warm the cockles *insert juvenile giggle here* of my heart?

Rest assured, Dear Goat, that your very act of signing up for Yuletide 2009 has filled my decrepit and blackened heart with joy and love. Well, that was easy, wasn't it?

By writing a fic for me, you shall fill me to the brim with butterflies, rainbows and unicorns. Maybe those unicorns will look suspiciously like Anderson Cooper, and will be ridden *insert juvenile giggle here* by Barack Obama. Maybe not.

Fandom: RPF - 20th-21st c Politics
Characters: Barack Obama/Michelle Obama/Rahm Emanuel

I would love to read any situation involving these any of these three. It can be as simple as a conversation right up to a steamy threesome. Humour is appreciated, but don't feel compelled if the story doesn't seem to warrant it.

Fandom: Cardiac Arrest
Characters: Any

Does this fandom even exist? I would love to see anything at all. It can be a melancholy character piece, an absurd trail of disaster or a filthy sex romp.

Fandom: The Bill
Characters: Cass Rickman/Dale Smith/Mickey Webb/Nick Klein

I'd love a late 90's era story. A bit of policing, maybe a bit of a practical joke. Hell, even a drunken orgy!
If you can manage to work all 4 characters in, I would be over the moon. However, that's not mandatory, feel free to pick any you feel comfortable writing. A current-era Smiffy or Mickey story would be just as welcome.

Fandom: RPF - Pundits
Characters: Ana Marie Cox/Anderson Cooper/John Oliver/Rachel Maddow

I'd love something slashy. If you can pull off (oo-er!) slashing Anderson Cooper with John Oliver, I might have to marry you. Of course, Rachel and Ana are love.

*****************
In general, whatever rating you feel most comfortable writing will be welcomed with love by me. You can make it sweet and innocent, or dirty, dirty h0rish.
Nothing really squicks me out, but mindless homophobia, racism or sexism would make me very sad, indeed.
You can write any combination of characters you have a feel for. Any other characters I haven't specified can make cameo appearances *waves to Jon and Stephen*.

In conclusion, thank you!

Torchwood: N.Y.

2009-10-30T20:45:50Z

Title: Torchwood: N.Y.
Author: count_nickula
Rating: PG13+
Word count: 2667
Summary: Keith Olbermann enlists Rachel Maddow to join a top seekrit squad of alien busters. Is this just a ruse to get her involved in an orgy, or is this genuine?
This is dedicated to the glorious anons at who_anon.
Warnings: Alien readers may be distressed at the cavalier deaths of their siblings at the hands of Earthlings. Little bit of swearing. Other than that, nope.
Disclaimer: Didn't happen. Nope. I think...

x-posted to rahmbamarama, and here just for the hell of it.

“Rachel, you know the 21st century is when it all changes,” Keith whispered to her in his most conspiratorial voice.
She downed her vodka shot and replied, “Yes, that's very deep and meaningful. Is this going to be one of those nights where you try and convince me to go with you to one of those shady joints?”
Keith placed his hand on his chest, “No, no, nooooo. I promise you that the Bacon Strip is right off the agenda. Unless of course, something untoward happens.”
A peal of laughter from Rachel, “How does that work? Some bizarre emergency where the only shelter is a titty bar?”
Keith shrugged, “Well, they sheltered from that zombie attack in a pub in Shaun of the Dead.”
“Are we expecting any zombies, Keith. I mean, apart from New York's usual freak show?” Rachel's eyebrow was quirked in a most tantalising manner.
Keith's cryptic smile was enough to send her over the edge. “Okay, quit it. It's not April Fools' day,” she scolded.
“No, but it is All Hallows' Eve,” Keith replied, tapping the side of his nose.
“We going to a Halloween party, then?” Rachel grinned.
“Better than that! C'mon!” Keith grabbed his jacket and tapped something into his phone.

In the square, Rachel looked up at the sculpture, as Keith fiddled with his phone again.
“Okay, just a bit to your left,” Keith guided.
Rachel frowned as she took a step, “You wanna take a picture? I can pull a silly face if you want.”
“Hold on tight,” Keith smiled, holding her hands in his.
Rachel suddenly felt as if she were in an elevator in free fall, but that was absurd she reasoned, she was in the street. Then she realised that she and Keith were descending underground. She looked up as the city street closed up above her. She stared at Keith as he placed a hand gently on her shoulder, “Rachel, it's time you joined our group. You'll be an invaluable asset in our task.”

The elevator stopped and the door rolled away, revealing a chamber packed with computers and strange technological equipment. Rachel gazed around, trying to get a sense of how far underground they were and what all that distinctly alien-looking stuff was.
Keith put out a hand, gently asking, “Not too freaked out, Rach? Come on in.”

As a distinctive laugh came from an adjoining room, Rachel frowned, “You know, that laugh sounds very familiar.”
Keith smiled, “First thing I heard when I was brought here, too. And yes, it is who you think it is.”

The door opened and Jon walked out, still giggling. He stopped as he saw them, “Oh hey, you made it here!”
Behind him, Ana Marie poked her head through the door, “Rachel! Have you had the tour yet?”
Rachel blinked with surprise, trying to find the words, “Um, hi. Is this the Daily Show's new studio or something? I'm half expecting to see crocodiles from the sewers in here.”
Jon cracked up laughing again, “I knew she'd love this place. So, you joining the team?”
Keith held up his hand, “I haven't got that far yet. Give her some time to make sense of it first.”
Rachel put her hands on her hips, “Join what exactly?”

Before anyone could reply, another door opened and Stephen strode out, “Rach, good of you to join us. Have they brought you up to speed? If so, we got aliens to catch, and I'm getting reports of a heck of a lot of zombies and vampires out there tonight.”
Jon sighed, “Stephen, the zombies and vampires are okay. They're kids.”
Stephen's face grew pale, “My God, Jon. Children have been turned into mindless killers and you say it's okay? Shame on you.”
Keith started to say something, but dissolved in a fit of laughter, leaving Ana Marie to place her hands on Stephen's shoulders and stare into his eyes, “Listen Colbert, it's Halloween night, it's just kids dressed up. They haven't been turned into anything bad. Okay?”
Stephen looked dubious, “But the vampires are sparkly. Surely that means there's been a radiation leak from the alien spaceships?”
Jon bit his lip against the laughter, as he looked up from the computers he'd been monitoring, “It's all quiet out there for the moment. Why don't we take a moment to get Rachel on the same page as us, then we can worry about the sparkly vampires. Oh, and there no bears, either.”
Stephen sighed with relief, “Good. That's good. Rachel, before we begin, would you be agreeable to wearing these knee-length boots. I think you'll look fantastic in them.”
Rachel frowned at the black boots, “I'm not sure they're good for walking about in, Stephen. I might stick with my trainers.”

Ana Marie ushered her over to the lounge area and as they all sat down, Stephen mused, “These boots really are sexy. I think I'll wear them.” He paused, looking around, “Something's missing.”
Keith nodded, “Indeed. Where's Coop?”
Stephen finished zipping up the boots, stretching out his legs to admire them. He looked up, “Oh. Ohhhh. Hang on. Be right back!”
He dashed off towards the other room, frantically searching through his pockets for something.
Jon watched Stephen, “Man, he looks really fierce in those boots. Check out that ass action!”

The door opened and Stephen casually stood there, putting his tie back on. Rachel could see it was rather wrinkled. He strode back, smoothing it down. After a few seconds, Anderson walked out, straightening his jacket. His tie also looked a little unkempt.
Anderson quickly snapped back into crispness and smiled at Rachel, “Sorry to not come out earlier, I was a little, er, tied up. I was, er, making coffee.”
Rachel grinned, having already noticed that the kitchen area was on the opposite side of the chamber, “Hi Anderson, might have thought you'd be in on this. Whatever this is.”
Keith clapped his hands, “Well, everyone's here, so I'll explain. We are part of a secret organisation which protects the Earth against alien attack.”
He paused as Rachel took in the information. Finally, she asked, her tone heavy with skepticism, “Is Glen Beck an alien?”
Stephen nodded, “We believe so. However, he's always protected, so we can't get at him. The entire Fox News team may have been infected with alien pathogens by now.”
Rachel choked back a laugh, “Next you'll be telling me Rush Limbaugh ingests the life-force of innocent children and goats.”
Jon nodded, “It's entirely possible. We've been getting some very disturbing readings from his emissions.”
Rachel was amazed how Anderson, Keith and Ana Marie could keep straight faces after hearing this. Hell, Jon was notorious for cracking up, but he had listened and spoken in deadly earnest.
Anderson leaned forward, his tone hushed, “I can see you're thinking this is bullshit, but I can assure you of the veracity of what you've been told.”
Stephen shushed him with an impatient hand wave, “I thought you were making coffee?”
Anderson sighed and got up, “Yeah, sure.”

Stephen set his serious face, to which Rachel swallowed a giggle, his voice soft, “Rachel, what the BUFT has said is correct. I can see you're thinking this is bullshit, but I can assure you of the veracity of what you've been told.”
Jon cut in, “Hey, he's not a BUFT. You're always telling him you love him.”
Stephen shrugged, “Only to get him into the sack.”
“You just don't appreciate him, mister. One day you'll live to regret it,” Jon retorted, jabbing an accusing finger at Colbert.
Stephen couldn't find an honest response to that, so he quickly jabbed Jon with an alien-esque syringe.
Too late, Jon saw it coming, managing only to blurt, “You fu-” before slumping unconscious.
Ana Marie snatched away the needle, scolding Colbert, “Stop doing that to him every time he gains the moral advantage over you!”
Rachel stared, gibbering, “What the hell was that?”
Ana Marie quietly replied, stroking Jon's forehead, “Retcon. Thankfully, it was a small dose. He won't remember the last few minutes when he comes round.”
Jon was already murmuring and stirring, snuggling into Ana Marie's arms.
From the kitchen, an oblivious Anderson called out, “Do you take milk and sugar, Rachel?”
Rachel threw up her hands, “Okay. Okay, I get it. Is Comedy Central updating Candid Camera?”

The sudden, jarring klaxon and flashing blue light cut off any reply as everyone jumped to their feet and hurried over to their stations. Keith took Rachel's hand and led her to a monitor, “Keep your eye on the readouts. If they go into the red zone, give me a shout!”
Jon tapped some keys, “Got a couple out of control. They're burning up in the atmosphere. Ground strike in New Jersey.”
Stephen yelled, “Get me CCTV footage!”

A screen flickered into life with an eerie green tinge, showing a steetscape. Rachel stared as smoke cleared to show a small chuck of metal, twisted and burnt.
“Is that a helicopter crash or something?” she gasped.
Ana Marie shook her head, “Markings indicate it's a Radesh scout ship. Hvori class, single occupant.”
“We're being attacked by radishes?” Rachel replied, still unconvinced.
Something small and slimy crawled out of the crashed spaceship. It stood up, looking about itself. The camera picked up a group of kids coming the other way. The stopped and pointed, then ran over to the alien.
“New Jersey team are almost on the scene,” Anderson announced. “Still tracking more scout ships.”
Everyone else turned their attention to the other monitors, except for Rachel, trying to see the join on the alien costume.

Back on the CCTV, the kids gave the alien some candy and strolled away. The alien ate a chocolate bar, wrapper and all, then promptly keeled over, dead. The New Jersey team pulled up beside it and took it way in a body bag

“Wow, candy kills aliens, apparently,” Rachel announced, keeping an eye on the original screen she was supposed to be monitoring. She wondered if the stream of numbers spelled out a dirty word in code.

Keith brought up another screen. “Got another one in Baltimore.”
The monitor showed a gang of thugs laying into the alien. What appeared to be its head splattered in several directions as it was shot seven times.
“Ohhh, poor motherfucker never stood a chance!” Keith mused.

Ana Marie brought up another screen, “Okay. Now approaching New York! Getting co-ordinates now.”
Stephen snapped his fingers, “That's us, people! Let's get out there and do our job.”
Anderson crossed to the alien tech table and handed over various weapons, pausing to hand Rachel a laptop, “Keep your eye on the readings, please.”

Rachel found herself hustled along a corridor to a SUV, piling in with the others.
“I hate to ask at such a time, but is this an ecologically friendly way to save the planet?” Rachel asked.
Anderson leaned over, “Yes, it actually runs on a special alien fuel source.”
Stephen put his foot to the floor, “Even if it ran on panda sperm, I'd still love this car. Look at it go!”
Jon turned in his seat, “Stephen wants to show this off on Top Gear, but we can't really advertise a secret organisation.”
Rachel raised an eyebrow, “Is that why you have Torchwood: NY stencilled on the side of it?”
Ana Marie laughed, “We could be a firm of accountants for all people care. Who the hell reads logos on commercial vehicles?”
“And nobody ever notices that little service elevator you got?' Rachel added.
Keith answered with a smile, “It's like those guys who stand and yell weird shit on street corners. Sure, you notice them, but then you make sure you look the other way and keep walking.”
Anderson looked up from his laptop, “Next left, Stephen.”
Stephen looked into the rear-vision mirror, “Weapons ready, team. Keith, make sure you look after Rachel.”

The SUV turned into the deserted street and stopped. The same strange mist drifted in the air as they got out, scanning for activity. Jon pointed to a far corner and they trained their weapons on the spot, as the alien rushed towards them, weapon firing. A quick blast from an energy weapon felled it. Several more aliens pounced from the shadows, only to drop from a pulse from Anderson's sonic gun. The shoot 'em up continued for another half hour, as time and again the tactically idiotic aliens ran into the line of fire.

Finally, no more aliens showed up on the scans, and Anderson's check with the Torchwood computers showed the attack was over – for now.
Rachel watched as everyone got back to the SUV, then spoke, “So, this is really real. It's not some elaborate joke.”
Keith looked her in the eye, then started laughing, “Sucked in!”
Rachel stared at him, “You turd! It WAS a prank!”
Keith kept chuckling, “No, it is actually real.”
“I swear I'm going to deck you, Olbermann,” Rachel muttered.
Anderson swatted a hand at Keith, “Please ignore him. You know what Keith's like. Yes, this is indeed genuine. You saw for yourself.”

Packing up the weapons, Jon turned to Ana Marie, “Hey, back in the base, just before the alarms sounded, was I asleep on your shoulder?”
Ana Marie looked at him with sympathy, “Yeah, he did it again. Don't worry though, I took it off him.”
Jon groaned, “Care to bring me up to speed?”
“You pointed out how Stephen treats Coop badly, though he won't admit it, as per usual,” Ana Marie replied.
As she closed the SUV's back door, they both saw Anderson standing there.
“Oh,” was all Jon could manage.
Anderson shrugged, “We all know Stephen's a pretty good actor, but you've never seen the look in his eye when we're alone. So you believe what you wanna believe, and let me believe what I wanna believe, okay?”

There was silence during the short drive back to base, Rachel's mind still churned from all the excitement, Jon gave Anderson sidelong glances, Stephen gave Anderson meaningful looks in the rear vision mirror. Ana Marie kept an eye on the laptop, checking and double-checking. Keith simply smiled over at Rachel from time to time.

Back inside the base, everyone looked to Rachel expectantly.
“Well?” asked Stephen. “You staying?”
Rachel ran a hand through her hair, “I'm feeling a little overwhelmed.”
Jon raised a finger, “Sorry to break your brain any more, but you also need to know something else.”
He took a gun and shot Stephen in the chest. He crashed to the floor, dead as a doornail. Rachel stared at Jon in utter shock, stammering, “Wha- what have you done?”
Anderson crouched down, “Nah, give it a minute. Yeah, there we go.”
Stephen suddenly heaved a deep breath and sat upright, Anderson supporting him.
“Jon, that was uncalled for. I simply could have told Rachel I'm immortal,” Stephen snipped, brushing down his suit as he stood up.

Rachel had a wonderful vision of banging her head against a wall until it all went nice and quiet and dark, “How do you guys unwind after a night like this?”
A range of smiles grew on everyone's faces, as Ana Marie slid her arm around Rachel's waist, “Well, usually a good shag fest takes care of that.”
Rachel thought about it for a few seconds, then decided to stop thinking about it. She grinned as clothes stared flying everywhere.

Status: Old Bag!

2009-10-03T16:23:24Z

Another birfday, innit. Another step closer to my frail dotage. Another day of growing old most disgracefully. FUCK YEAH!

Birfday booty was
* some cash,
*White Luna cd by Nick Cave and Warren Ellis
* Tim Minchin's DVD, Are You Ready For This?.

FUKKEN AWESOME, YES?

Very much amused by the two piccies from My Documents not yet sorted into folders. The juxtaposition rather amuses me :P
(Edit for better screencap)

FUCK YEAH!

Happy birfday!

2009-08-26T05:51:19Z

Happy birfday blonde_lili!

Look how much I suck at updating this thing. Even my comment-h0ring has slacked off. Pffft.

Oh, and Twatteratii beware, my mum has gone and got one. She managed to follow 21 random people and hasn't found me yet. :P

A Rare And Elusive Posting

2009-05-15T15:27:45Z

Hearken, as I shake off my Advanced Bovine Syndrome (aka Lazy Cow Disease) and update!

Moved to a new house last week and got a case of zombie 'flu as a moving-in present. Then the internet took its time coming back on, and is acting mardy. I'm sitting in the hallway doing this since the phone jack in my room spat the dummy when connected to the router box. Bastard thing.

I've barely started going back through the f-list, I'll get there sometime this weekend.

Oh, and a belated happy birthday to Sir Dr Stephen T. Colbert, D.F.A. and pirate.

Poll: Does Colbert Cause Earthquakes?

2009-03-18T08:29:41Z

In light of the second earth tremor in Melbourne in a fortnight, the question must be asked:
Is Stephen Colbert just too must of a sexual earth shaker for him to remain on my desktop?

View Poll: Does Colbert Cause Earthquakes?

*Note: This is a Graham cracker

Also, we still have until March 20 to vote for a name for the ISS Node 3. WTF, you ask? It's a new section of the International Space Station.
http://www.nasa.gov/externalflash/name_ISS/index.html

Check out the first of the most voted for write-in suggestions. Yep, Colbert successfully bitchslapped Xenu down, but is still under threat from MyYearBook. You can vote every day until the 20th, just make sure you do the verification captcha. ;)

Colbert Causes Earthqauke - Remains Sexy Whilst Doing So

2009-03-06T12:26:40Z

At approximately 8:56pm tonight, ~~my undies~~ Melbourne experienced a small earthquake, of 4.7 magnitude.
It is believed the proximity of a Stephen Colbert video to a Stephen Colbert desktop may have been the cause, well it certainly was in my area.
Scientists urge due caution when adding two or more charged ~~sex~~tectonics, since the combined attractiveness can lead to a massive build-up of UNF!

Mr. Colbert declined to comment, except for this:

count_nickula's reply went something like this, albeit with more swearing and incoherency:

Sauce!

Not So Much Staying Sick As Staying Dead...

2009-02-06T13:37:00Z

So, another one goes. Lux Interior of The Cramps is no longer dwelling on our dimension. Wherever he may now be, I hope he has a drink and great jukebox selection by his side.
Best wishes to Poison Ivy.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/7871971.stm

count_nickula @ 2009-02-02T01:23:00

2009-02-01T14:26:24Z

HERE YE, HERE YE! LET IT BE KNOWN THAT glitteredsky aka KYM IS A ~~H0R~~ BIRFDAY PERSONAGE. PLZ TO B DIRECTING ALL MOCKINGAGE HER WAY.

Something for the Politico-Pundit Lovers

2009-01-05T16:10:45Z

30 political + pundit icons:

Anderson Cooper + Aasif Mandvi x 1
Anderson Cooper x 4
Stephen Colbert x 6
Stephen Colbert + Jon Stewart x 2
Jon Stewart x 2
Rahm Emanuel x 4
Rahm Emanuel + Barack Obama x 1
Barack Obama x 5
Zeke Emanuel x 1
Nancy Pelosi x 1
David Axelrod + Barack Obama x 1
Michelle Obama x 1
Joe Biden x 1

Preview:

Comment if you wish. Credit cool but not mandatory. Enjoy.

Yuletidings

2008-12-26T02:25:41Z

Well, there goes another Christmas, eh? For those of you who celebrate it, hope it was wonderful and luffly and gay! ;)
For anyone else, Can I Interest You In Hanukkah?

Yuletide brought me a wonderful Hot Fuzz fic, Once Upon A Dark and Stormy Night. At this stage, the delicious and very gorgeous writer is a secret, but once the big reveal happens on New Year's Day, I may have to sing their praises again. Thank you, Santa, it was an absolute joy to read and I hope you got a fantastic fic in return.

To all on my flist (especially Kym and Pan NOM NOM NOM) and random strangers lurking, I love youse all - except for the random Russian friender who can just get a big, black dog up them.

WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

2008-12-15T14:12:24Z

NOM NOM NOMs @ Kym for the (delayed) birfday/Christmas postage!
Quarantine actually opened the box, but they don't seem to have nicked anything. ;)
Love the monkey and the gnome - thanks so much, they're hilarious and gorgeous!

You can see my rahmbamarama-themed desktop, artzed by the fabulous shirozora and sticky-taped togther by me.

Chattering skeleton dude!

Oh look at me being all artsy...

Some squirrels were chattering. They are laughing at me, stupid rabid acorn chuckers.

SWAN!!

I'm gonna eat you little fishee!

HELLO....

2008-12-06T21:14:55Z

Just to say hello to anyone popping over from rahmbamarama to check out if I'm a psycho.
Here's a little meme which may help explain my odd little world.

1. My username is ____ because ____.
2. My journal is titled ____ because ____.
3. My subtitle is ____ because ____.
4. My friends page is called ____ because ____.
5. My default userpic is ____ because ____.

Answers:

1. My username is count_nickula, for two reasons:
* to honour the vampiric nature of Nick Klein as played by Rene Zagger,
* you can always count on Nick Cave to be a bloody legend.

2. My journal is titled The Vampire's Special Colombian-Blend Coffee, an in-joke referring to said Vampire-boy's allegedly cocaine-fueled coffee making skills.

3. My subtitle is Mop & Bucket Sold Separately, which refers to jailer-monkey Nick getting the honour of mopping out the cells when the drunkards spew up:

4. My friends page is called Freaks (To Be Avoided)...need I explain? :P

5. My default userpic is Nick and Smiffy from The Bill to pimp Yuletide 2008.

Dear Yuletide Writer

2008-11-11T20:25:21Z

Well now, Yuletide's upon us again and a bumper crop of fics to come!

My requests:
1: The Bill
Dale Smith/Mickey Webb
Something sweet and gentle would be appreciated. Any rating, any situation.

2: 24 Hour Party People
Bernard Sumner/Tony Wilson
A drunken conversation, a mis-heard remark, a smashed glass. Any rating.

3: Hot Fuzz
DC Andy Cartwright/DS Andy Wainwright/PC Doris Thatcher
A dark and stormy night, a black forest cake, a goat. Any rating.

4: Spaced
Any
The end of the world, Gillian Anderson, something sticky. Any rating.

To my lovely ficcer, I do hope you are inspired, intrigued and amused by my requests rather than bored, apathetic and pissed-off by them.
I love conversational details, events that turn things on their heads and other fun stuff.
I'd be happy to read anything from gen to hawt, pr0ny het or slash. If you feel the fic should heading somewhere dark and disturbing - go for it! If you want to write me fluffy bunnies, that'll be sweet, too.

Whatever you write will be received with delight, after all, it's a gift of love, innit?
Thank you and Happy Yuletide 2008!

Dawn over Southern Oz

2008-10-22T13:25:35Z

Sometime on Tuesday early a.m., somewhere over South Australia, seat 40A Malaysian 777.

There's a bit of grot on the window but you can't see it in the dark. The few lights on are reflected in the window, though.
Someone has sliced a blood orange across the slow dawn sky. People sleep fitfully, the grizzly baby across the aisle is quiet for the moment.
I r knackered.