Have you ever felt like your eyes are just bursting with tears but you just cannot get a cry out? Or that the world right now is just so darn much that making a joke is the only socially acceptable response you can come up with?

You are not alone in this.

I grew up in a place where emotions were not allowed, so they were terrifying to me. So terrifying they became a literal recurring nightmare. Yes! My own emotions!

I carried this fear well into adulthood, and it cost me enough that I had to take some big risks to change these patterns. It costs all of us more than we realize.

But here’s what I learned: those “scary” emotions turned out to be my biggest means of connection with everyone I care about. The more comfortable I got with them, the deeper I got to know myself — and the better I could actually be vulnerable with the people I love.

So those tears you're holding? They might be the very river that connects you to the people who need you most.

This is a visual essay about that journey. Fair warning: I've been tinkering with animation and loving it, so there are some new animations in here. Let me know if you like them!

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Love you lots,

Your Fellow Swimmer,

Coté