I want to summarise what I said in my 6000 word post because I think it was too long for any sane person to read. and add the bits that came to me later. And cause it helps me to clarify it. i’m wondering if i might be a clarity addict at this point.

Capitalism and rationalism are related but there is something beyond it, though people act like it’s all that is. it seems to me people are banging there heads on endings left right and centre because this versions of reality is over. everything is the same.

The moment-

After looking at 2d photos, 2d drawings memory I found that I was unsatisfied with a flat plain, and I was unsatisfied with Picassos version of multiple angles of decontextualised woman, maybe this the moment that the art became self serving instead of about an inquiry into seeing. He was a master of paint but doubtful he was a seeing anything except what he wanted to. i went into detail about how i thought the moment is queer but not in the way Sarah Ahmed says it is. i think she misses the point of phenomonlogy. (i go over this again in tszuj)

I found that something can happen to space that makes it become realised or cohesive and in this the elements that feel septette - the object become all one. Cezzane pioneered this, but my feeling is it happens in specific situations- when someone or something makes it released. I spend most of my life thinking I don't know what I am supposed to be doing but I know I'm not doing it- thats something at least. occasionally I arrive and I think here it is I am where ei am supposed to be. The moment. this i acess most easy in paint. A hot person walks by (Genets way) or a sunset, or a death drop. Not only does it stop time it burns onto the memory forever. we never forget what we have seen. if the curse of humanity is this mad forgetfulness to do things with remembering can be an antidote. The moment is the enemy to the machine that says keep everything moving keep your head down. And its these moments I want to get better at painting. What I mean is I don't want to paint a flat image I want to paint something more, but not just some mad angles of the same object (woman). Something happens to time in these moments. In these moments I feel miracles can happen- and miracles are the natural order of things. just we have forgot.

I was trying to experiment with all the ways that image creation can happen. Just to work out what worked for me. I was looking for an image that felt total. Almost to liberate myself through an image. Liberation through service to the image. What I found was in looking at the past painters and there exploration of perspective that

1. Perceive can be wrong subjectivity is true but not all subjectivity is correct.

2. Total perspective is what creates miracles - its the definition.

3. That when I paint two different ways of seeing perspective they clash, and its very unprofessional and embarrassing to make an image that has the flat plane and the tunnel perspective in at the same time. In fact the first painting I ever saw which was the Irish mountains my granddad grew up in, commissioned to go in his sibeen, my uncle would alway comment the bad perceptive in it of how wrong the cart next to the house was.

4. The edge is illusionary - of different senses. And if we have more than five (we do) then balance and seeing are inextricably linked, and pain and colour are too. The end of a book the edge of a painting, boundaries between senses. i would say this time is about the end of the idea of the end.

5. Time is serval things that we dismiss that we could devise experiments to uncover and make sense of the ultra physical. I guess that this experiment will include multiple people (perspectives).

6. The group and belief are part of miracles. And when looks at multiple perspectives it becomes inescapable the need to for not just multiple angels of one person but of many people.

It contained a prediction that time would be found out to be many things at once. And I wonder, because it is common that the masters of things are those who are mired by them, if it would not be prionsers who have had time used against them who could really master time. I think this for myself though not in prison but everyday in detention at school and grounded at home- I built up some dark illusions of feelings like time stretching on for eternity. I have a feeling of defeat which comes over like a bad mood that says time is eternally bad and so so long. This inexplicable time is known to those who had bad acid trips that went on for seemly years.

I now see that what’s important to me is to slowly remove anything that is meditating me and the image I create- all the stabilisers. (The photo, the drawing of the plan, finally even the plan in my head) To paint from life but also from the etheric realms. This is a process back to god. And I do believe that the things put between me and reality was a way to maim the spirit and for control. I think this will be a challenge for me because I am both in constant action and rushing and at the same time take months to do anything. every time i go through a door i forgot what i was doing and this seems cosmic.

also- as time is speeding up (more people all learning faster and faster) i want to paint faster. because i want to paint outside. van gogh was killed by kids- this is a genuine concern when trying to paint the countryside. they have no steak in anything. so the faster i can paint the better. like i was watching bob ross which the male painters seem to hate which makes me like it more, and he does it in half hour. that seemed impossible to me but i am getting faster. i think of my newest paintings like a speed core version. if i could do a painting of life in like five mins and the colurs worked how i want that would be a dream.

So, if you know someone who will help me do a practice based PHD about the phenomena of paint and perspective and the liberation of the 2 dimensional image through miracles - i’d be dead glad to hear. Imagine if Mark Fisher and John Berger had a baby and it was a miracle believing representational paint splattered phenomonolgist. Its an investigation of phenoma- things as they appear to us, in search of miracles as a freely available resource. I want to write a book like ways of seeing but about the ultra physical. Aims are- get people excited about paint, seeing, having an element experience of the world - fire earth water air. Also to encourage art that wants to live not die, and images that have meaning. And to generally be of service to art!!!! Not just using it for self aggrandisement. i probs don’t want to do an actual PHD as i like seeing how far i can get without any qualifications its more fun to me. but i want to be abel to refine the ideas somehow.

BEYOND CAPITALISM BEYOND RATIONALISM

Thanks for reading!!!!

FREE PALESTINE FUCK THE AUTHORITIES SCREW THE MYOPIC TIRED DEAD END BS

P.S. MY SHOW IS ON TILL 26th October at The Royal George !! hope you get chance to see it !!!!!!!!!!