Archive for the Transcripts Category

Time isn’t holding us

Posted in Transcripts with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on August 23, 2012 by Garrosh Hellscream

After my latest kablooey-switcheroo, and finding out Mokvar’s been experiencing the same thing, I contacted Tirion to arrange for us to bring Faranell with us to the Caverns of Time.  I was originally planning to have someone go pick up Edwin in Hearthglen and bring him back to Orgrimmar, but as it turns out, Tirion is concerned enough about Edwin that he insisted on escorting him to the Caverns of Time himself.  Liadrin’s offered to come as well, so she’s going to meet them in Hearthglen before heading to Tanaris.

That works out for another reason: From talking to Liadrin, I found out that she’s also been experiencing these flashes, at least the last couple days.  Same thing Mokvar and I have had happening – clear out of the blue, finding ourselves in a different situation with different people doing different things than we’d been doing the minute before.  I asked around Orgrimmar, but nobody else seems to know what I’m talking about – not Eitrigg, not Nazgrim, not Spazzle, not anybody.  Eitrigg, though…well, when he heard Tirion was coming to meet us at the Caverns of Time, he just up and invited himself along.  So yay, fun times.

We arrived earlier today, and no surprise, the conversation was eventful.

 

SORIDORMI:  Greetings once again, Warchief.

GARROSH:  Sori.  You already know Mokvar here.

Soridormi nods politely to Mokvar.

MOKVAR:  Ma’am.

GARROSH:  And this is Eitrigg, one of my main advisors.  Eitrigg, let me introduce Soridormi, Prime Consort of Nozdormu.

EITRIGG:  Lady Soridormi.

SORIDORMI:  Of course.  I haven’t met you yet.  Not at all.

EITRIGG:  Um…begging your pardon, m’lady?

GARROSH:  Just let it slide, Eitrigg.

MOKVAR:  Uh oh.  Fog alert.

GARROSH:  Try not to let yourself get all bent out of shape when they say cryptic stuff like that.  They do it all the ffrreeaakkiinngg ttiimmee aaarrrooouuunnnddd hhheeerrreee, aaannnddd…oooohhhh, hhhheeeerrrreeee wwwweeee ggggoooo.

EITRIGG:  Iiiissss aaaannnnyyyyoooonnnneeee eeeellllsssseeee nnnnoooottttiiiicccciiiinnnngggg…?

MOKVAR:  Yyyyyoooouuuu ggggeeeetttt uuuusssseeeedddd ttttoooo iiiitttt.

The surrounding smoke thickens, and then, in slow motion, Nozdormu enters comes pimping in.

NOZDORMU:  Warchief.

GARROSH:  Noz.

EITRIGG:  Does…he always do that when he arrives?

MOKVAR:  Every.  Single.  Time.

NOZDORMU:  I would say I hope you are all well, Garrosh, but based on your message, I know that’s not the case.

GARROSH:  You could say that.

MOKVAR:  Do you have any ideas about what this could be?

NOZDORMU:  I have my suspicions.  But I cannot be certain until…ah, here they come now.

Tirion Fordring enters, accompanying his aide Daria L’Rayne, Lady Liadrin, and, lingering behind them, Edwin Faranell.

GARROSH:  Tirion, Liadrin.

MOKVAR:  Hey Edwin.

TIRION:  Greetings, gentlemen.  And of course, Lady Soridormi.  And the Timeless One, a great pleasure it is finally to make your acquaintance – truly an honor it is to finally stand in the presence of the being who serves our world as the caretaker of time itself.

NOZDORMU:  Yes, I’d heard about you being the one responsible for wasting so very much of it.

TIRION:  Timeless One?

NOZDORMU:  Never mind.

EITRIGG:  Tirion!

TIRION:  Ah, Eitrigg, my friend!  A pleasure and an honor it is to finally stand face to face with you once again!  Too much time, far too many years have elapsed since last we stood in each other’s company.

EITRIGG:  It’s good to see you again, my friend.

TIRION:  A haggard sight, no doubt, for long-absent eyes in my case, noble orc.  The intervening years have not, I suspect, been kind, and I fear the pains of loss and war weigh heavily on my face.  But not without the accompanying relief of triumph and great hope, I can assure you!

Nozdormu rolls his eyes and waves one hand in Tirion’s direction.

And you, noble Eitrigg!  The years, I must say, have been quite kind.  Perhaps the stray wht hr, nd line on yr face – brght on, I cn nly hope by lghtr nd bmng smls, rthr thn strsss nd nxts A hrbngr I wld hp ny trst f a grt lnglfyttcmnflldwthjynd cntntmntagrtmsrfwichIcnnlyhpeImyytstndnrtwtnssfrsthnd.

NOZDORMU:  Well, that was slightly less painful.

MOKVAR:  Did you just fast-forward him?

GARROSH:  Dude, is there any way I could get like a bottle of whatever that shit was?  I will seriously pay you whatever you want to charge for it.

NOZDORMU:  A bottle of dominion over time?  Sorry, not really an option.

GARROSH:  Dammit.

MOKVAR:  Nice try, boss.

GARROSH:  I would fucking POUR that shit on Dontrag and Utvoch.

TIRION:  Well now, ladies and gentlemen…

GARROSH:  Oh no, here he goes.  Queue it up again, Noz.

TIRION:  …I suppose it is time we addressed the man of the hour, as it were.

Tirion gestures back toward Faranell, who steps up past Liadrin and Daria.  Nozdormu stares at Faranell for a long moment with an increasingly worried look.

NODORMU:  Oh…oh, that’s not good…

GARROSH:  Oh boy…

FARANELL:  What’s wrong?

NOZDORMU:  You are.  Everything about you…you’re… I’m sorry, my friend, but you’re just wrong.  You shouldn’t be.

FARANELL:  Um, okay…

LIADRIN:  I’d worried that it might be this bad…

GARROSH:  Okay, so now that we’ve made him feel like crap, can we maybe find out what’s going on and what we can do about it?

NOZDORMU:  He doesn’t belong here, in the simplest possible terms.

FARANELL:  Because I’m not from this time…

GARROSH:  But when we went back to old Hillsbrad, we weren’t from THAT time either, and WE didn’t start going all wonky.

SORIDORMI:  When you travel through the time portals here, you do so under the protection of the Bronze Flight.  The enchantments of our portals shield you from any ill effects from temporal displacement.

LIADRIN:  So Edwin is unstable now because he came through to a different time without being insulated?

NOZDORMU:  It’s not so simple with him.

GARROSH:  That was simple?

MOKVAR:  I think it’s about to get worse.

NOZDORMU:  It’s not merely that Dr. Faranell isn’t supposed to be here in this time.  He’s not meant to be anywhere, in any time.  This Faranell, as he has been since he was brought to our time, should not exist.  He’s been cut off from his own future, and time itself is reacting against it.

LIADRIN:  So he’s essentially been pulled out of his own timeline, and now it’s causing him to rubber-band back to random points in that timeline?

NOZDORMU:  Unstuck in time, yes.

FARANELL:  So when I’ve flashed into events I don’t remember, it’s because those events were part of…well, the other me’s past rather than mine.

LIADRIN:  They were the past you were supposed to have.

NOZDORMU:  Or, in some cases, the future meant for you.

GARROSH:  Wait, you mean a possible future, right?  Isn’t it still in flux or something depending on what we do in the present?

NOZDORMU:  Warchief, what did you do yesterday?

GARROSH:  I…well, I went over some tactical plans with Nazgrim and Drok, took Mortimer for a ride around Durotar…um…played some Earth Online…

NOZDORMU:  Was it pre-ordained that you do those things, do you suppose, or did you choose to do them?

GARROSH:  Well, I guess I chose to…right?

NOZDORMU:  And the fact that you can look back at them now doesn’t make them any less your decision at the time?

LIADRIN:  I think I see where you’re going with this…

GARROSH:  I…well, no.

NOZDORMU:  The future is already written, Warchief.  For you, me, everyone.  We still write that destiny ourselves.  But we already have written it.  We simply must live it one page at a time.

LIADRIN:  And now Edwin is flipping back and forth in the book.

GARROSH:  Okay, so that sort of explains why Doc is skipping around his timeline.  I guess.  What about what’s been happening with me and Mokvar and Liadrin?

NOZDORMU:  That…I’m not as sure of.

LIADRIN:  It has to be connected to what’s happening to Edwin.

NOZDORMU:  There’s no doubt of that, certainly.  Let me check something.  Chromormu!

Chromie teleports in next to Nozdormu.

CHROMIE:  Hey, gramps, what’s—  <notices Faranell>  HOLY SHIT, what happened to HIM?!

FARANELL:  Cut off from my own future.

LIADRIN:  Unstuck in time.

MOKVAR:  I’ve got the notes if you want to catch up real quick.

CHROMIE:  Wowie wow, you’re a big ol’ timey-whimey mess!

FARANELL:  We’re aware, yes.

SORIDORMI:  Chromie, when the good doctor became displaced in time, he appears to have to have have dnuob to nori have he dna have elbisreverri si have appears ti esuaceb appears gniyfirret si ti laernu si ti esuaceb gniyfirret hold ton si ynitsed ruo snoitalosnoc the terces era dna noitarepsed fo stca eb ot line raeppa esrevinu lacimonortsa eht yned ot fles eht some yned ot some noisseccus had some laropmet had yned had ot had had some had some residual effect on…

Soridormi pauses a moment and looks around.  Garrosh, Liadrin, and Mokvar look around as well, a bit disoriented, finding that everyone save themselves and Soridormi has disappeared.

Ah.  There we are, finally.  I was hoping to have a window while you were here.

Garrosh, Liadrin, and Mokvar exchange one more round of looks, then turn back to Soridormi.

Now then, why don’t we get down to business.

 

{TO BE CONTINUED…}

Lines of inquiry

Posted in Transcripts with tags , , , , , , , , , on August 21, 2012 by Garrosh Hellscream

A few days ago, Saurfang had sent a courier to me with kind of an irritated letter asking to see me.  He had some objections to certain operations going on in Northrend, so I agreed to set aside some time today for him to come down and discuss things in person.

It wasn’t exactly a pleasant meeting.

You’re up, Mokvar.

 

Saurfang enters, accompanied by two Kor’kron guards who aren’t nearly as badass as him.

GARROSH:  Morning, Saurfang.

NAZGRIM:  Good morning, High Overlord.

SAURFANG:  Morning it is, gentlemen, but I’m hardly convinced it is a good one.

GARROSH:  Oh great.  It’s that bad, huh?

SAURFANG:  Indeed, Warchief.

GARROSH:  Okay, well, let’s get it out in the open, then.  What’s the problem, Saurfang?

SAURFANG:  Let me speak plainly, Warchief.  Is it your intention to replace me as High Overlord of the Kor’kron Guard?

GARROSH:  What?  No.  Why would I want to do that?  You built those troops up from ground level yourself.

SAURFANG:  <nodding grimly>  Have I, then, been unknowingly relieved of duty as commanding officer of our Northrend forces?

GARROSH:  Oh, wait.  I think I see where this is going.

SAURFANG:  Have I been relieved, Warchief?

GARROSH:  Saurfang, if I ever relieve you of duty, you’ll know from the way I pick you up and throw you from a very great height.

MOKVAR:  Like to see you try that…

GARROSH:  Not the time, Mokvar.

SAURFANG:  In that case, Warchief, I am left to assume that I remain in command of our Northrend operations.

GARROSH:  <sighs>  Yes, Saurfang, you’re still in command.

SAURFANG:  And in that case, Warchief, I would be most interested in hearing the explanation for a team of Horde operatives arriving at Warsong Hold claiming to be undertaking a mission, the details of which they were not at liberty to divulge to the command officer under whose jurisdiction they were operating.

NAZGRIM:  With all due respect, High Overlord, the men in question are operating under the—

SAURFANG:  If I require your thoughts on this matter, General, you may rest assured that I will instruct you to share them.

MOKVAR:  Oh man, shit just got real…

GARROSH:  Mokvar!

MOKVAR:  Sorry, boss.

GARROSH:  Here’s the thing, Saurfang.

SAURFANG:  Indeed, Warchief, by all means do elucidate me on the thing.

GARROSH:  <glares briefly>  The men who arrived at Warsong Hold are working on a mission under the supervision of General Nazgrim here, and under my direct sanctions.  And since they’re working under my orders, and aren’t Kor’kron operatives, no, they are NOT under your jurisdiction.

SAURFANG:  I see.  And is there a reason, then, why I am not authorized even to know about this very important mission?

GARROSH:  Look, I know you don’t like being kept in kept in in nway kept gnittolbyks in being desiop in eno ni in dont meht nopu dont nwod thgindim fo egakcerw eht lruh ot tub egakcerw shatter otni thgindim lruh ot ton ti htiw thgindim point gniggard tub thgindim drawot ton deraor emit fo ecarllim tsav eht in moor tilpmal in teiuq kept in eht kept edistuo kept elihw kept kept in kept in the dark, Saurfang.

DRANOSH

Is was a necessary – wait, did you just call me “Saurfang”?  Since when do you call me “Saurfang”?  Saurfang is my dad.

GARROSH

Wait, wasn’t I just…?  Oh.  Right…  Don’t mind me.  You’re looking more and more like him all the time.

DRANOSH

Don’t even joke about that.

GARROSH

Anyway, though, you were saying?

DRANOSH

I know you don’t like being kept in the dark, Garrosh, but we didn’t want word leaking out about what we’d uncovered.

GARROSH

Which would be…?

NAZGRIM

On our last sweep around the islands just south of the Maelstrom, we found a…well, a survivor, sir.

VOL’JIN

By da spirits, ya mean ya—

DRANOSH

No, not him, Vol’jin.  Unfortunately.

NAZGRIM

He’s…humanoid.  That’s pretty much all we can say.  Not any species I’ve ever seen before.  Everything he had to say on his own just came out as a bunch of rubbish, and I wanted to bring him back here where we could all hear it before I tried to question him any further.

GARROSH

Is there anything particularly suspicious about him that we’re questioning him…

[Garrosh trails off and bristles as he looks across the room and notices – then stares at – MAGATHA GRIMTOTEM.]

VOL’JIN

Garrosh?

GARROSH

What…is she doing here?

MAGATHA

High Overlord?  Why would I not be here?  The Warchief has always welcomed my counsel on internal Horde matters…

GARROSH

[Bristles for another moment, then shakes his head vigorously.]

Right.  Never mind.  I’m just… My head’s just somewhere else.

MOKVAR

Somewhere…

DRANOSH

Are you going to be okay for this?  If you need a head shrinker, I’m sure Vol’jin could arrange—

GARROSH

I’ll be fine.

NAZGRIM

Shall we bring him in, then?

DRANOSH

We may as well.

[Nazgrim signals to a guard, who steps into an adjoining room.  A moment later, two guards enter with a humanoid – smaller in stature than an orc and similar in features to a monkey.  The guards flank him on each side and hold his arms loosely while leading him in.  His head hangs low.]

NAZGRIM

He calls himself “Zhi-Zhi.”  He says he was an initiate at some sort of monastery in a place called the Jade Forest before the Rupturing.  Then the land he comes from was devastated by the resulting earthquakes and tidal waves, and wound up being washed onto the island where we found him.  Or so he says, from what I could gather.

[The guards lead ZHI-ZHI into the room.  When they stop moving, Zhi-Zhi looks up and sees Garrosh.  Zhi-Zhi’s eyes widen with a look of surprise.]

ZHI-ZHI

[Stares wide-eyed at Garrosh, reaching with one hand to point at him.]

Ohh…

[Suddenly pulls his hand back and shakes his head.]

Not the one.

GARROSH

The hell?

VOL’JIN

[Eyes narrowing.]

Not da one what, mon?

ZHI-ZHI

[Shakes his head, then points to Garrosh again with a chuckle.]

No, no, not the one.

GARROSH

[Striding up to Zhi-Zhi.]

Not the one WHAT?

NAZGRIM

That’s really just a small sampling of the kind of lunacy he’s been spouting nonstop since we found him.

GARROSH

Not WHAT one?

ZHI-ZHI

Not the one!

GARROSH

[Rearing back and striking Zhi-Zhi with each word.]

What.  Does.  That.  MEAN?

ZHI-ZHI

AAH!  Alright, enough, enough!  STOP HITTING ZHI-ZHI!

DRANOSH

Garrosh, enough.

GARROSH

I’ll start hitting a whole lot harder if you don’t start talking some sense.

DRANOSH

Zhi-Zhi.

[Zhi-Zhi looks past Garrosh to Dranosh.]

My name is Dranosh.

VOL’JIN

It be meanin’ “Heart of Draenor” in—

DRANOSH

Don’t start, Vol’jin.

VOL’JIN

Sorry, mon.

DRANOSH

[Turns his attention back to Zhi-Zhi.]

I’m the Warchief – the leader – of a people called the Horde.  As long as you’re here, you’re under our protection and safe.  We want to help you, but first you have to help us understand.

[Zhi-Zhi slowly nods.]

This is Garrosh.  You said he’s…“not the one”?  Did you think you recognized him from somewhere?

ZHI-ZHI

Yes.  No.  Yes.  Zhi-Zhi… Zhi-Zhi not sure.

DRANOSH

Where did you think you’d recognized him from?

ZHI-ZHI

When Zhi-Zhi first come to Tian, Elder Cloudfall show Zhi-Zhi the place.  Show Zhi-Zhi the visions.  Zhi-Zhi saw…saw the cracks, looked into the cracks, saw more cracks, more, growing, everywhere cracks, cracks, cracking… Zhi-Zhi tried to warn, but oh, no, nobody listen to poor Zhi-Zhi…

VOL’JIN

Hmm…visions, eh, mon?

GARROSH

Listen, you blathering idiot, what does any of that even mean, and what could it POSSIBLY have to do with do with with tsap do flah with have rehto with eht gnitteg with to fo syaw to gnitnevni ti fo flah tneps eh tey emit saw derrohba shatter dna deraef eh htaed eht dna point mih neewteb doots taht lla emit saw dah nam taht lla dias to dah elcnu to sih have to woh have gnirebmemer have gnikniht have have to have to do with me?

Garrosh does a double take, shaking his head.

SAURFANG:  What does it not have to do with you, Garrosh?  The secrets, the infighting, the distrust against supposed countrymen – I have seen it before, and I will not stand idly by and let it take root without even the aid of demon blood.

GARROSH:  Saurfang, we’re talking about one single mission which, believe me, has more than enough reason for maximum security.

SAURFANG:  And a disregard for the chain of command.

GARROSH:  Legionnaire Nazgrim doesn’t…wait, Legionnaire?  No, General Nazgrim…

MOKVAR:  <muttering>  Not the one…

Garrosh looks at Mokvar in surprise for a moment, then collects himself.

GARROSH:  General Nazgrim is running the operation, and he doesn’t answer to you.

SAURFANG:  Indeed he does not, it would seem.  And while the good Legionnaire was recently promoted to General, unless he has also received further clandestine promotions all way past High Overlord—

GARROSH:  He doesn’t answer to YOU because he answers to ME.  Just like these men don’t answer to you because THEY answer to ME.  And I am beginning to TIRE of your coming down here to argue jurisdiction and technicalities when it should be abundantly clear EVERYTHING is being done under MY AUTHORITY.

SAURFANG:  And by exactly what authority are you holding your other leaders at arm’s length?

GARROSH:  I AM YOUR WARCHIEF, SAURFANG!

SAURFANGTHRALL is my Warchief!  And you, boy, are warming his seat.

Garrosh glares at Saurfang for a moment.

MOKVAR:  Oh shit.

Mokvar and Nazgrim both take a few steps back.

GARROSH:  So now it comes out.

SAURFANG:  I may have been the first to have said it, Warchief, but I assure you I am far from the first to have thought it.

GARROSH:  Saurfang…you’ve been a hero of our people for many years, and because of that I’m going let this one time pass.  If you were any other man, I would have killed you right here and now.

SAURFANG:  You would have tried.

Mokvar and Nazgrim take a few more steps back.

GARROSH:  Go back to your station, old man.

SAURFANG:  Indeed, Warchief.  I will retire to Northrend.  And as I am no longer privy to all that goes on there, I will trust that there is nothing being done that would bring dishonor to our people.  And should I learn that that trust has been misplaced…well…as you say, Warchief, we each have but a single free pass, as the saying goes.

Saurfang turns and leaves.  Garrosh lets out a frustrated sigh, then eyes Mokvar and Nazgrim.

GARROSH:  What are you staring at?  We have work to do.

 

So…obviously a lot going on.  But honestly I’m in no mood to talk about the Saurfang thing right now.

Besides that, though…I remember.  I remember the whole thing now, when I…well…flashed to wherever I was, with Dranosh and that monkey guy and holy fuck Magatha are you fucking kidding me.  I really remember it – not all fuzzy and blurry and dream-like.  What’s more, I just got to talking with Mokvar.  He remembers being there too.  Apparently he’s been experiencing the same thing the last couple days.  We compared notes a little as far as what we experienced, and it sounds eerily similar to those flashbacks that Faranell was complaining about when we went to see him in Hearthglen.

All of us having these flashes is way too big a coincidence.  It all started when we brought Faranell back from the past, so I’m going to arrange to pick Faranell up from Tirion, and then have all of us head down to the Caverns of Time.  I think it’s time we went over this with Nozdormu.

By my right as Warchief

Posted in Transcripts with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 17, 2012 by Garrosh Hellscream

By the time I’d written that last post and gotten back from Thunder Bluff, it was already later than I’d planned.  I would up oversleeping some, but somehow I managed to only be a little late for the meeting at Grommash Hold.  Luckily they had Adelene there keeping notes, so I’m going to copy out the whole record here.

 

Scene:  Grommash Hold, Orgrimmar

[Darkspear chief VOL’JIN, MOKVAR, and WARLORD ZAELA sit around the large central conference table while EITRIGG places several models on the world map to indicate troop positions.  LEGIONNAIRE NAZGRIM enters and approaches the table.]

NAZGRIM

[Surveying the models.]

Shouldn’t we be showing more troops in Darkshire?

EITRIGG

[Somber.]

Not anymore.

VOL’JIN

Da demons finally pushed t’rough de Deadwind Pass, mon.

EITRIGG

Once the blockade fell, they swept clear through to the Stranglethorn border.  Our people are backed up nearly all the way to Grom’gol.

ZAELA

Even that’s just buying time for us to evacuate altogether.

NAZGRIM

Spirits…

EITRIGG

I must say, I never thought I’d see the day we’d be pushed out of Stranglethorn altogether.

VOL’JIN

Nobody ever does, mon.

MOKVAR

Warchief entering!

EITRIGG

Lok’tar!

ZAELA

Lok’tar ogar, Warchief!

[Everyone rises from their seats to face the stairwell.  From above, WARCHIEF DRANOSH SAURFANG descends into the room.]

DRANOSH

Lok’tar, everyone.  I see we’re almost all here already.

EITRIGG

I think by this point everyone knows that 9:00 really means 8:45 with you, Warchief.

DRANOSH

[Smiles.]

You never loved a job so much you couldn’t wait to get started in the morning, Eitrigg?

EITRIGG

Depends on the day you ask, Warchief.

VOL’JIN

I be more of a night person meself, mon.

DRANOSH

[Pulls up a chair while surveying the map.]

Well I’ll try to make this quick so you can take a nap.

MOKVAR

You look like you could do with a little more rest yourself, Warchief.  Have you been getting any sleep at all lately?

DRANOSH

I’ll have plenty of time to sleep when I’m dead.  No need to worry about me, Mokvar.  I’ll be fine.

MOKVAR

If you say so, Warchief.

DRANOSH

[Scanning the map.]

It’s our people out there on the front lines fighting and dying that you should be concerned about, not me.

MOKVAR

Emissary entering!

[Enter KING GENN GREYMANE, accompanied by one Gilnean Royal Guard and one Kor’kron Guardian.]

DRANOSH

Your Highness.

EITRIGG

Highness.

VOL’JIN

King Genn, mon.

GREYMANE

Good morning, Warchief.  All.  How goes the day?

EITRIGG

Early enough not to have turned sour on us yet, Highness.

GREYMANE

[Nods, scratching the back of his neck.]

Well, that’s something, at least.  King Varian, of course, sends his regards from Theramore.

DRANOSH

I trust he and Lady Proudmoore are well.

GREYMANE

As well as can be expected.

DRANOSH

At any rate, then, why don’t we get down to business.

EITRIGG

Indeed, Warchief.

DRANOSH

Warlord?

ZAELA

[Pointing to various locations on the map.]

Kalimdor outposts remain stable.  Quel’thalas is holding, but remains closed off.  Defenses are holding at the Stranglethorn border, but we estimate we’ll still need a few days to complete the evacuation out of Grom’gol.

GREYMANE

[Scratching his beard.]

Would reinforcements help at the border?  I could likely send a detachment of my soldiers to help hold the line.

NAZGRIM

Never mind holding it.  We should be looking to push the damned monsters back again.  I’m sure we could pull together some additional troops to send in, and—

DRANOSH

Not this time, Legionnaire.  As much as I hate to say it, Stranglethorn is a lost cause.  I’m not sending more of our people to die in a battle we can’t win.  I don’t want another Ironforge.

[Enter OVERLORD GARROSH HELLSCREAM.]

DRANOSH

Oh, and speaking of a bad situation getting worse…

GARROSH

Sorry I’m late, Warchief.  Late night and all.

EITRIGG

Garrosh.

MOKVAR

Morning, Overlord.

VOL’JIN

Hey, mon.

DRANOSH

Up late reading the Roll of Ancestors with Baine, were you?

GARROSH

You know how it is once you get rolling with the begats.

DRANOSH

Tell you what, we get through this and I’ll take you through the grand history of the Saurfang line.

GARROSH

Only if you do your impersonation of your dad explaining what your name means.

DRANOSH

Deal.  Now then…getting back to the Stranglethorn evacuation…

GARROSH

So it’s a definite, then?  We need to abandon ship.

VOL’JIN

I don’ be likin’ it either, mon, but yah.

NAZGRIM

I still say a counteroffensive is worth the attempt.

ZAELA

At this point the demon have built up far too many numbers in Deadwind Pass for us to make much progress pushing them back.  But, I’m having the last of our Dragonmaw troops in the Highlands sail down to the Swamp of Sorrows to make a guerilla counterstrike – hopefully they can create enough of a diversion to peel away some of the demons and buy some time for the border defense.

GARROSH

I don’t much like this business where our whole strategy is to put ourselves in a better position to run away.

NAZGRIM

You and me both, Garrosh.

DRANOSH

I’m not happy about it, believe me, but we don’t have much choice in the matter.  Right now we can’t afford to lose more of our forces to a losing battle.

EITRIGG

One other item of note from Stranglethorn, Warchief, is a peculiar increase in debris washing up on shore.  Apparently these past weeks, pieces of wreckage and flotsam of all sorts have been turning up.  Bodies, as well.

GARROSH

Orc?  Human?

EITRIGG

Some of both.  And many we don’t even recognize.

VOL’JIN

Dere been any battles at sea dere lately?

NAZGRIM

Not that I’m aware of.

GREYMANE

[Scratching behind his ear.]

We’ve had a similar experience at Theramore the past few days.  Largely debris of apparent goblin construction…and bodies as well.

GARROSH

Ratchet?

GREYMANE

[Shakes his head.]

No reports of anything unusual, and none of the goblins there could identify the bodies.

NAZGRIM

The collapse of the Maelstrom had to have done a lot of damage among the islands…it could be that we’re just now seeing some of the debris washing up on shore.

DRANOSH

You probably know the terrain out there as well as anyone, Legionnaire.  Think you could take a gunship detachment to do a survey?

GARROSH

Dranosh, you can’t seriously want to send out an air wing to check on smashed-up islands, after you were just saying we can’t afford—

DRANOSH

Do I have to remind you of who might still be out there, Garrosh?

GARROSH

[Sighs.]

Fine.  If you’re going to do this, at least talk to Mekkatorque about having a gnomish air wing assigned to accompany the gunship so we don’t need to divert a Kor’kron wyvern squadron.

DRANOSH

Since when have you cared about losing wyverns?

GARROSH

I’m serious, Dranosh.  Get Mekkatorque to send his planes.

DRANOSH

Is that an order, Overlord?

GARROSH

[Smirking.]

Matter of fact, it is, Warchief.

DRANOSH

[Smirks back and nods.]

Okay then.  You’re the boss.

NAZGRIM

I should have a gunship ready to go by tomorrow morning.  I’ll just need to double check troop assignments.

DRANOSH

Take some of the next wave scheduled for deployment to Northrend.  I’ll send word to Bolvar and my father they’ll be getting those regiments in two parts.

GARROSH

I’d say to take a minimal crew, though.  I don’t like diverting a lot of troops to a scouting missing when they could be better used in Northrend in Northrend Northrend rodirroc in a seveileb Northrend better srebmemer Northrend swonk srednow Northrend used neve gniwonk used naht regnol not stcellocer the naht regnol one seveileb in srebmemer in gniwonk in Northrend erofeb in seveileb in yromem in in Northrend in Northrend, I assume we won’t be hearing a lot from them until…um…

Garrosh stares straight ahead blankly for a moment.

EITRIGG:  Sir?

GARROSH:  Um…did I just…?  <blinks and shakes his head>

NAZGRIM:  Warchief?

Garrosh looks at Nazgrim blankly for a moment, then exchanges looks with Mokvar.

EITRIGG:  That would be you, sir.

NAZGRIM:  Are you all right, Garrosh?

GARROSH:  I…yeah.  I’m okay.  I was just dizzy for a minute.  Not sure why I… Did…nobody else just saw anything, did they?

EITRIGG:  No, nothing, sir.

NAZGRIM:  Just you talking about Drok’s people in Northrend, sir.  And then you just trailed off…

Garrosh looks over to Mokvar, who returns his gaze silently.

GARROSH:  Okay.  So.  Drok’s people have their assignment, and should already be underway with it.  They’re probably going to maintain radio silence until they’re done.

EITRIGG:  I’m still not sure I like all the secrecy around what they’re doing up there, Warchief.

GARROSH:  Necessary precaution, Eitrigg.  You’ll see soon enough.

NAZGRIM:  In the meantime, I’ve had the fleet captains running drills to make sure their crews will be ready to go.

GARROSH:  Good.  I know they’ve already been on standby for a while, but I don’t expect it’ll be too much longer.  A couple more pieces need to fall into place, then the boys and girls can finally do their thing.

NAZGRIM:  <nodding>  It’ll be good to see, sir.

A courier enters, whispers something to Eitrigg, hands him a sealed note, and leaves.

EITRIGG:  Warchief?  You have a letter here from Saurfang, sir.

GARROSH:  What does… <blinks> …Varok?

EITRIGG:  Um…yes, Warchief.  Varok.

NAZGRIM:  What other Saurfang would it be from?

EITRIGG:  Garrosh, are you sure you’re feeling all right?

GARROSH:  You know… Maybe I’m just tired.  Run down or something.  We’ve covered everything we needed to, why don’t we call it a day at this point.

EITRIGG:  Yes sir.

MOKVAR:  Sounds like a plan.

NAZGRIM:  Yes sir.  I’m just going to stop upstairs to check on the duty rosters for a few of the ships.

GARROSH:  Go ahead, General.  While you’re up there, bring down that map.  We’re going to be needing it sooner rather than later.

 

There’s a lot going on and I’ve got a lot to write about, but right now I really do think I’d better get some rest.  Because either I’m really for-true run down and imagining things, or…or I don’t know what.

I could swear it was real, but as I think back on it, it seems hazy and fuzzy the way a dream does.  And I remember the whole meeting from this morning, so how could I also have been…?  Never mind.  Forget it, Garrosh.  Your mind must be playing tricks on you.

So, yeah.  Taking a nap, clear my head, then get back to business.

 

I couldn’t really have been talking to Dranosh, could I?

Return pilgrimage to Hearthglen

Posted in Transcripts with tags , , , , , , , on August 3, 2012 by Garrosh Hellscream

After Tirion’s aide Daria sent me that letter the other day, I arranged to take a trip back over to Hearthglen to see what we can do to help Faranell with whatever problems he’s having adjusting.  I brought Mokvar with me for note-taking purposes – and had to listen to him complain about all the zeppelin miles I’ve had him logging lately for my troubles – and also sent a message up to Liadrin in Silvermoon that Faranell’s having some issues and we’ll keep her posted on what we end up doing.

I ended up being delayed in Orgrimmar a little, getting Nazgrim and Drok set up on a few recon missions we need tended to, but after that we finally caught our zeppelin to the Undercity.  We arrived in Hearthglen this afternoon and got escorted straight up to Mardenholde Keep.  Tirion was there, obviously, and joining us at the conference table upstairs was the man of the hour himself, Faranell.

 

TIRION:  Again I’d like to thank you gentlemen for coming to meet with us.  It truly is a testament to your dedication to your people that even now, after a change that leaves your colleague adrift on the opposite side of what has, in many quarters, grown to be a contentious racial divide, even now you rush to the side of your comrade at the first word of his difficulties.  And doubtless, with such friendship to rally to his side—

GARROSH:  Seriously, dude, I’ve been in town like ten minutes and you’re already on round three of this speech.  Can we just get on with it already?

TIRION:  As you wish, Warchief.

GARROSH:  Thank the spirits.

TIRION:  In that case, I suppose this would be the time to defer to our friend Dr. Faranell.  I felt under the circumstances it might be best to include him in our deliberations, such that he might provide a first-hand account of his difficulties.

GARROSH:  So Doc, Tirion says you’ve been seeing things?  Visions, maybe?

FARANELL:  That’s just it, though.  I’m not “seeing things” as if they were just appearing around me.

TIRION:  This, you see, Warchief, is the line of discussion that prompted me to contact you on the matter at hand.  Please do go on, Doctor.

FARANELL:  Well, for instance, the first time it happened, I was walking down toward the front gates… I distinctly remember looking over at the mill…and then I felt dizzy for a few seconds.  I looked around again, and it was as if I were in Dalaran, in my old study there.

GARROSH:  Still sounds like a hallucination, just on a bigger scale – maybe one of the buildings you were walking by reminded you of Dalaran, or…?

FARANELL:  <shakes his head>  It wasn’t just the place, though.  I was in my study, sitting in my old chair, and Kel’Thuzad was there.  He was talking about some…new types of spells he’d been trying out.  After the first few words, I recognized what he was saying – it was a conversation we’d had about a year ago.  Well…it used to be a year ago…

GARROSH:  Hmm.  So it was a flashback.

MOKVAR:  Makes sense that he might have them, really.  <nods at Faranell>  That you would have them, I mean.  Sorry, Edwin…

FARANELL:  <shrugs>  It’s fine.  I’m starting to get used to people talking about me as if I’m not in the room.

MOKVAR:  Anyway, though.  I’m not surprised that you’re flashing back to some of your memories from before, strange as everything here must be for you now…

FARANELL:  But that’s the thing.  It wasn’t just a memory.

GARROSH:  How do you mean?

FARANELL:  I wasn’t just watching myself having this conversation I’d had before.  I was watching Kel’Thuzad talk, and then after a minute, he looked at me, and I must have had a strange look on my face, because I said I looked confused and asked if I was all right.  And that definitely wasn’t something that happened originally.

GARROSH:  So the memory was your starting point, and then you started interacting with it.  Sort of like a dream.

FARANELL:  Maybe.  I don’t know.  It all seemed so real.  And every detail seemed exactly right.

GARROSH:  Well you do have that super-memory.  Makes sense that you’d fill in the details really well.

TIRION:  It does, indeed, makes sense that one blessed with such a memory – eidetic, I believe, if I recall the terminology correctly – would likewise be, conversely, cursed in such a circumstance as this with hallucinations of an enhanced degree of verisimilitude, such that one might indeed have difficulty distinguishing the illusion from reality.

GARROSH:  Yeah, T-Ford, that’s what I just said, only with like half the words.

MOKVAR:  Edwin, you said that was the first time it happened.  How long ago was that?

FARANELL:  Almost two weeks now.

GARROSH:  How many more times has it happened since then?

FARANELL:  Three more.

GARROSH:  What did you see then?

FARANELL:  Once, it was just after I’d arrived at the inn in Southshore…that last time I was there.

MOKVAR:  I can see how your thoughts might go there, especially early on…

FARANELL:  Another time, it was three years ago, at my brother’s wedding.  In the middle of making my toast, of all things… I was standing there with everyone staring at me, like I’d just stopped in mid-sentence…

GARROSH:  Okay…so flashing back to fairly major events in your life.  I mean, it must suck for you to be going through it, but it does kind of add up, considering…

FARANELL:  You would think that’s what it is, yes, but here’s the problem.  The third time wasn’t something I remember happening at all.

GARROSH:  What was the third one?

TIRION:  This is, you will find, the most troubling of the set…

FARANELL:  I was back in Brill.  The town was being attacked.  Ghouls, skeletons, zombies…every kind of undead you can think of.  I was with a few other townspeople, trying to help fight them off…but they kept coming, and…I think I died.

GARROSH:  You…what?

FARANELL:  I don’t know.  But…it felt like dying.  <shrugs>  Not that I’ve ever died before, to know.

Garrosh, Mokvar, and Tirion exchange looks.  Faranell watches them grimly.

FARANELL:  It’s how I died, isn’t it?

Garrosh looks to Tirion for a moment, then back to Faranell.

FARANELL:  Not me me, obviously.  But…the other me.  The one you knew.  That…became one of them.  It’s how he died.

GARROSH:  The thing of it is…I don’t know.  It sounds like it could have been, but I don’t know.

FARANELL:  He was killed by the Scourge, wasn’t he?

TIRION:  Aye.  As were many – far too many – some years ago.

GARROSH:  But I don’t know the details.  Did he…well, the other you.  What did he tell you in the letter he wrote you?  About how he died.

FARANELL:  Not very much.  Just that he was killed when the Scourge swept through Lordaeron, and was raised as undead not long afterward.

TIRION:  I would imagine the undead incarnation of Dr. Faranell would have seen little purpose in filling out the details of such an event, insofar as he would have envisioned his younger self as being safely relocated to a time well removed from such events.  If anything, he likely would hardly have wished to revisit the experience himself…

GARROSH:  And so that’s the problem, at least for us here.

MOKVAR:  <nods>  Right.  We don’t have anything to compare this to.  So what you saw, Edwin, could have been how the other version of you died…or it could just be hw you imagine he would have died.

FARANELL:  Yeah…

GARROSH:  And the shitty part of it is there’s really no way for us to check on something like that, so we might just have to have to have have neewteb to ni have just stneve have eht lla have to ot stisiv to modnar syap dna syas eh semit ynam htaed if dna htrib sih nees sah eh you eerht ytxis neetenin ni flesmih dnif go ot rood taht hguorht kcab enog to sah eh eno ytrof neetenin ni kypari eno rehtona tuo emoc dna evif zar ytfif neetenin ni rood a hguorht you deklaw sah eh yad gniddew sih will no denekawa dna rewodiw elines a die peels ot enog sah yllib emit lines ni kcutsnu lines emoc supply lines sah supply mirglip supply yllib supply supply lines supply lines, so getting ammunition OUT here in much quantity is going to be a problem.

MOKVAR:  Just based on our trip up here, I’d say that’s only going to get more difficult.

LIADRIN:  I’m only too aware.

GARROSH:  I don’t think you are, though.

LIADRIN:  What do you mean?

GARROSH:  We passed Andorhal on the way here.  Tirion’s arrived.

LIADRIN:  By the light…

GARROSH:  <nods>  I lost eight Kor’kron just in passing, and had them raised right in front of my eyes.

LIADRIN:  <sighs>  We were already getting pinned in badly enough here, without coming under siege by an enemy who knows our defenses and capabilities better than we know ourselves…  Daria?

DARIA:  Yes, ma’am?

LIADRIN:  Have a messenger sent to Lord Tyrosus at Light’s Hope to ask for aid…

DARIA:  Yes, my Lady.

Daria runs out.

GARROSH:  Also…I think it might be time for us to start considering the backup plan you’d suggested.  If we can get some kind of improvised docking structure up, I should be able to get a gunship here to evacuate Hearthglen, and from there you and I can make the make the the meht make stseretni the i taht the tnemom yna the can ta kool can nac yeht dna era stnemom eht if lla tnenamrep woh ees you nac yeht ecnatsni rof go sniatnuom ykcor eht fo to hcterts a ta kool kypari nac ew yaw eht zar tsuj stnemom tnereffid eht you lla ta kool nac will snairodamaflart eht tsixe lliw die syawla detsixe evah syawla to erutuf dna to tneserp have to tsap have stnemom have lla have have to have to wait and see on any other cases, if they happen, and… Edwin?  Are you okay?

Faranell looks around the room, disoriented and visibly shaken, then lets out a sigh.

TIRION:  Dr. Faranell?

FARANELL:  It happened again…

GARROSH:  Just now?

Faranell nods.

TIRION:  What did you see this time, Doctor?

FARANELL:  I was…in a wooded area.  Dark, dreary…not sure where, exactly… There were orcs with me, fighting beside me…

GARROSH:  Fighting what?

FARANELL:  A group of… <pauses a moment as if searching for a word> …tauren, I think?

GARROSH:  It must have been a pretty quick fight.  You were talking not even a minute ago.

FARANELL:  No… That is, I wasn’t there long, but…it was at least a good five minutes.

MOKVAR:  No.

GARROSH:  It couldn’t have been.

TIRION:  Dr. Faranell, I can assure you, you were engaged in this very conversation with is until mere seconds ago.  There most certainly was not a window of some minutes during which you could have perceived the events you describe.

MOKVAR:  I remember reading once that dreams happen in a sort of condensed time…

GARROSH:  How’s that?

MOKVAR:  Just that when you have a dream, if it seems like ten minutes pass in the dream, it’s really only taking your brain a few seconds to experience it.  It just seems longer to you.

GARROSH:  Holy shit, that’s freaky.

MOKVAR:  Strange but true.

TIRION:  That would lend credence to our suspicion that the good doctor is suffering from a terrible affliction of the imagination…

FARANELL:  No, I’m telling you, I was there.

GARROSH:  Edwin, you were right here with us the whole time.

FARANELL:  I wasn’t imagining it.  It was happening.

GARROSH:  Okay, okay.  Fine.  Maybe so.  So much weird shit seems to happen to us, what’s one more thing.

TIRION:  It would appear indeed, gentlemen, that oddities do gravitate toward you.  A phenomenon to which I cannot say I find myself impervious, for if you recall—

GARROSH:  I’d really rather not, T-Ford.

TIRION:  Oh.  As you prefer, Warchief…

GARROSH:  Anyway… I suppose this is all we’re going to work out in one sitting.  We should probably let you get back home.

TIRION:  Miss L’Rayne?

DARIA:  Yes, Highlord?

TIRION:  Is the good doctor’s family still here?

DARIA:  Yes, sir.  His brother is waiting for him downstairs.

TIRION:  Excellent.  If you would be so kind, please escort the doctor down.

MOKVAR:  Hang in there, Edwin.

GARROSH:  Don’t worry, Doc.  We’ll get this figured out yet.

Faranell nods to them glumly.  Daria leads him out of the room.  Garrosh, Mokvar, and Tirion sit quietly for a moment.

GARROSH:  So what do we think’s really going on with him?

MOKVAR:  I’ve got nothing.

TIRION:  I too am at a loss for words, Warchief.

GARROSH:  You know, under different circumstances, that sentence would have been fucking spectacular, but…

TIRION:  I suppose I might venture, however…

GARROSH:  Oh.  Here we go.  That didn’t last long.

TIRION:  …though I cannot offer any helpful conjecture on the good doctor’s current, troubling condition—

GARROSH:  Oh so he doesn’t have anything helpful to say.  Watch him keep talking anyway.

TIRION:  —I would, whoever, hasten to commend you gentlemen on the camaraderie and fellowship that has compelled you to journey once again to our fine sanctuary, in hopes of aiding a friend whom in a very real sense you do not truly know.  It is steadfast commitment to honor, not unlike that demonstrated by your noble kinsman Eitrigg, without whose aid I likely would not be with us here today – have I told you the tale, as an aside?  I do not recall if ever I have regaled you with that episode from years gone past.

GARROSH:  Listen, I brought Dontrag and Utvoch with me again.  Don’t make me use them.

 

So…that’s where we stand.  A whole lot of nothing, and maybe an ounce or two more of YEEEESH.  For right now we’re just going to have to keep an eye or twelve on Faranell and see if anything else happens.  Let’s hope not.  But then again, I know our luck.

More soon.

“Daria’s Pro Tip for Dealing with Tirion #14: Never make eye contact. Eye contact makes him assume you’re interested, and increases word output by 25%.”

Roundhouse cleave to the face

Posted in Transcripts with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 1, 2012 by Garrosh Hellscream

I’ve got a return trip to Hearthglen lined up for tomorrow, but between then and now I figured I’d put in a little game time.  In this case, though, I got to unveil a little surprise to the rest of the guild…

 

[You have logged on.]

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  oh wow thats freaky

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  yeah, that’s really weird

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Oh you’ve got no idea.  This guy was a flake even by Mylune standards.

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  hi garrosh

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  heya boss

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Sup, guys

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Hey, chief.  I was just telling everyone about Tembw’bam out in ZG.

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch]  hello sir

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  I kind of wish I’d been there to see it, sounds like he was a real hoot

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  You could say that, yeah…

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  wait could he turn into an owl too?

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Not that kind of a hoot.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  theres different kinds?

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  wow your an idiot

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  I mean I think he sounds entertaining

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  oh

[LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] has logged on.

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch]  he sounds like kind of a moron if you ask me

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  are you talking about tembwbam or dontrag?

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  hey Sylvanas

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Does it really matter, as far as accuracy?

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Hello, Spazzle.

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  lol

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch]  tembwbam

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Haha

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  no i’m dontrag

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Are you sure?

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  I thought you were Utvoch.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  no he’s utvoch

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch]  i’m utvoch

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  yah thats what i said

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  only i said he instead of i

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Hmm, I could swear you were Utvoch, Dontrag.

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  You really do enjoy messing with them, don’t you?

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch]  huh are you sure

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  no she cant be sure if she’s wrong

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  I hardly think I’m wrong.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  In fact, I’m quite sure you’re Utvoch, Dontrag.

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar]  haha

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch]  huh so that would make me dontrag?

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  no your not dontrag utvoch

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Can you blame me, really?

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch]  i dont know, she seems pretty sure

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Look at them.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  she’s messing with you you moron

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  lol this is epic

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  It’s like spinning a dog around hundreds of times, and then playing catch with it.

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  See what I mean?  Plenty of moron to go around…

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  lol, ok point taken

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Not so.  I’m pretty sure most dogs could outwit either of them.

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch]  she is?  oh damn

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  So anyway… Yeah, the dude from ZG was a piece of work.

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  oh so speaking of which, garrosh

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Yeah?

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  how come you wanted a rogue for the trip to STV and you didn’t invite me?

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Oh for fuck’s sake…

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  i know i’ve told you about how i like the beaches down there

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  I’m sure you did

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  right, so?

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Whether I was listening at the time is a whole other question

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar]  haha

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  ouch!

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  omg

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  seriously though why would you take krog instead?

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Hang on, tabbing out

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  oh sure, tab out now

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  ugh

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  I wouldn’t worry about it too much, Garona.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  I’m sure the Warchief had his reasons.

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  yea well we’ll see

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Okay, so what’s the catch there going to be?

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  There’s no catch.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  I’m not *always* trolling, you know.

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch]  ok so dontrag and i just went over this and we’re pretty sure he’s dontrag and i’m utvoch

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Well I’m glad we’ve finally been able to put this mystery to rest.

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Okay, back

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch]  i know, that was going to bother me till we figured it out

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  I had to help someone get set up on the game

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  New player so I’ve been having to walk him through setting it up

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  oh cool, anyone we know?

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Haha, yep

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Nice, who is it?

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  You’ll see in a minute

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  did you remember to use your refer-a-friend for them?

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Oh hell yes

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  I want my hang glider

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  oh ok

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Okay, here we go

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  This is going to be epic

[ChuckNorris | Saurfang] has joined the guild.

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  welcome Chuck

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  hi chuck

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  So yeah, you guys might know ChuckNorris here better by his real life name, Varok Saurfang

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch]  whoa

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  holy shit!

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Oh HELL yes!

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Haha, yeah, I finally convinced him to give it a try for the freebie month

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Greetings, High Overlord!

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  welcome, sir!

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Saurfang, if you type /g it’ll set your chat line to type here in the guild chat

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  greetings overlord

[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang]  is this working?

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Yup

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  reading you loud and clear, sir

[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang]  ah, there we are.  greetings and honor to you all, friends.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Welcome to the guild, Overlord.

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  LivinDeadGrl here is Sylvanas, Saurfang

[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang]  a pleasure to ‘see’ you, as it were, dark lady

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  And you as well, Overlord.

[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang]  no need here for such formality, dark lady.  we are all soldiers of the horde and friends here; ‘varok’ will suffice.

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Or Rokky

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Haha!  Rokky it is!

[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang]  no, most certainly not ‘rokky’

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Yes, sir, Rokky struck from the record, check.

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Anyway, Saurfang, let me do the quick introductions here, so you know who’s who

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  We covered Sylvanas… Bartleby is Mokvar… MrBadcrumble is Spazzle Fizzletrinket, I think you met him a couple times…

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  ahem

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Ugh, fine.  Nightengayle is Garona…

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  a pleasure as always, Saurfang!

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  And SteveKravitz and GilbertRose are Dontrag and Utvoch, in some order, nobody really remembers which

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  i’m dontrag

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Also nobody really gives a shit

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch]  sorry our existence isn’t more relevant sir

[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang]  a moment, i should note all this down.

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  I’ll hook you up later with a mod that will let you add a note to people’s names in-game to help keep track of everyone

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  If you need help with anything while you’re getting the hang of the game, sir, don’t be reluctant to speak up

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  yeah we can definitely help give you an armed escort wherever

[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang]  many thanks to you all, friends.  i suspect it will take some doing before I am adequately acclimated to the environment here

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Also, Sylvanas?

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Yes, Warchief?

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  If you start asking him about the warlocks or what Dranosh means again, I will end you

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  I can’t imagine why you would think such a thing of me, Warchief…

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  so what class are you playing, saurfang?

[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang]  i believe this is called a ‘texas ranger’

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch]  oh hey i bet sylvanas could show you a lot about that class

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  No

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  uh no

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  no

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch]  i thought she was a ranger

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Not that kind of ranger

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch]  is she a different spec or something?

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  spirits help me i wish i could stunlock people over the internet sometimes

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  I’m a Dark Ranger.  It’s not the same thing.

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch]  so the ranger talent trees are dark, texas and what else?

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Utvoch

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch]  yes sir

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Stop talking before I come over there and chop you up into many many tiny little pieces

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch]  yes sir

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch]  sorry sir

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  At any rate, I had really only come on to check on my auctions.  I need to leave for a meeting for the moment.

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  later, Sylvanas

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  bye BQ

[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang]  farewell, dark lady.  honor go with you.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Back soon!  ^_^

[LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] has logged off.

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  So I’m guessing you’re at the ranch starting zone, Saurfang?

[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang]  it would appear so, yes

[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang]  there appears to be a peculiarly liveried human here who, inexplicably, has an exclamation point hovering above his head.

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  that means he has a quest for you

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Right-click on him and he’ll show you a write-up of what he wants you to do.

[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang]  ah, interesting.  a moment…

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  I’ll head over to the starter zone in a minute and give you a few dollars to get you going

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  did you get the quest, Saurfang?

[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang]  a moment, i’m still reading.

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Ah, he must be reading all the quest text.

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  People do that?

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Apparently.

[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang]  indeed.  i would hate to overlook some critical detail, as i’m sure this ‘rancher’ fellow’s monologue must include information that will hold some importance later on.

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  oh wow, that’s so cute

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Well, he’s new.  No harm in taking his time and soaking it all in.

[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang]  it appears i am needed to acquire a hot iron and brand six of the cattle in the nearby pens.

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  the branding iron should be kind of shining now, so you can spot it

[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang]  i must say, this does not at the outset appear to be the sort of heroic undertaking i might have supposed a fantasy adventure would present.

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  The early quests are pretty simple, so you can get used to the game mechanics

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  To be fair, the quests never exactly get particularly complicated.

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Well yeah, but at least you get some bigger and badder stuff to fight.

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Eventually as you level up, you get new zones opened up for you to quest in, too

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  There’s also an expansion coming up that’s going to add a whole new continent to the game

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  have they announced a release date yet for land down under?

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  I doubt he’ll be max level before Down Under comes out, though.

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  yeah, LDU’s coming out in like another month and a half

[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang]  well then, that mission is completed, uninspiring though it was.

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  he should have a follow-up for you now

[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang]  indeed.  a moment while i read.

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  someday when he’s all hardcore and speeding through quests we’ll look back at this and laugh

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  haha

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Watch, in a week he’ll be better than all of us

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar]  He’s Saurfang, he probably already is.

[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang]  hmm, so it would seem that the ranch’s livestock has taken losses recently due to itinerant vermin.

[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang]  i am being called upon to hunt down some dozen of the coyotes lurking about and slay them.

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  There you go, that should be more up your alley

[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang]  i will grant that this mission sounds a bit more promising, although i’m at something of a loss as to why the rancher would specify twelve of the creatures.

[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang]  if the vermin are proving problematic, would it not make more sense for me to stay at my task until they have been eliminated altogether?

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  respawn timer would make that a real pain

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  It’s probably best not to overthink these things.

[Nightengayle | Garona] has earned the achievement [Level 50]!

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  grats

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Grats, Garona!

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  whew, finally

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  and thanks

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  now to start gearing

[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang]  hmm, that coyote died rather easily.

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  I would imagine you’re used to that happening.

[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang]  indeed.

[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang]  now for the next animal.  i appear to have an ability called ‘roundhouse kick’; let me see what it does on this one.

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  go for it

[You have been disconnected.]

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[You have logged on.]

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  what was that??

[Bartleby | Mokvar] has logged on.

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Damned if I know…

[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] has logged on.

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  did you guys just get knocked off too?

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  i swear that wasn’t me this time…

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Yeah, I did.

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Same here

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  hmm let me check something

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  that was so weird

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Yeah, I can’t remember that ever happening to me before

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Even when my internet cuts out, it doesn’t just boot me right away I like that, I end up just hanging for a couple minutes first

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  oh wow

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  it looks like the whole server got knocked offline for a minute

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  oh yikes

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  i wonder what caused it

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  You know, come to think of it…

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Well, either way, Saurfang is probably all confused now

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Let me go see if I can track him down and get him situated again

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  I’ll be back in a few maybe…

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  later boss

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  bye garrosh

[You have logged off.]

 

“Perhaps I should stick to this Saronite Sweeper game instead…”

The mad bomber of Zul’Gurub

Posted in General, Transcripts with tags , , , , , , , , , on July 29, 2012 by Garrosh Hellscream

After I sent up my signal, I waited with Mortimer at the gates of Zul’Gurub.  I was able to see roughly which way Tembw’bam was flying – he looked to be keeping at a fairly high altitude and moving toward the far end of the ruins.  Probably not heading to any of the central structures, but hard to say for sure.

Krog and Mokvar showed up fairly quickly, and brought some extra support with them – Nimboya from Grom’gol, and one of Nimboya’s Bambala contacts, Kil’karil.  (Side note: Kil’karil is like the only troll I’ve ever met who’s made ANY effort at all to get rid of that idiotic accent they all seem to have.  I guess the dude worked with a speech coach at some point, because every so often, when he really bears down, he’s actually able to talk like, you know, a normal person.  When he’s feeling a lot of stress he tends to lose focus, though, and lapse back to old habits, but hey, at least he’s trying, I suppose.)

Once we were all gathered, we made our way inside.  Zul’Gurub is mostly empty these days – after Jin’do tried to do his mojo on ghost-Hakkar and got his ass smacked down by Horde adventurers last year, the rest of the Gurubashi have mostly cleared out.  Not sure if they’ve just scattered around Stranglethorn, or taken off to somewhere else, but you only ever see a few stragglers hanging around their old stomping grounds these days.  At this point the only residents seem to be – you guessed it – animals.

We split up to make a sweep through the ruins – Mokvar and me (Team Orc!) to the north, Nimboya and Kil’karil (Team Troll!) to the south, and Krog (Team Sneaky Bugger!) stealthing around doing his roguey recon thing.

As we were passing by Bethekk’s old temple, Mokvar and I ran into a bunch of panthers, most of which were rocking a couple pieces of leather or mail gear.  Nothing we couldn’t handle, between me bladestorming and Mokvar throwing down an earthquake or two.  While we were fighting them off, though, we spotted our old friend again – Tembw’bam was swooping on by, into the temple.  Once we’d finished off the panthers, we went in after him, but tried to stay quiet so we could maybe see what he was up to.

The temple was mostly empty as far as signs of life were concerned – unless you count about a zillion rats (not equipped with knives and helmets this time, mercifully) – but as far as signs of death?  Total overstock.  There were skeletons scattered around the place, with weapons and armor scattered around the bones.  It looked like a whole bunch of somebodies managed to die on their way through this place once upon a time, and their old gear was left behind as a memento.

Eventually, we made our way to the inner chamber, where Arlokk, and later Kilnara, had set up shop until they were defeated.  Now the room just serves as the innermost pile of skeletons and gear in the building.  We snuck in as quietly as we could, and peeked in.  Sure enough, our boy Tembw’bam was bouncing around, stuffing gear into bags like some kind of backwards hyperactive Greatfather Winter.  (I STILL want to know how he managed to load that much shit into a backpack, by the way.)  Still yammering on and on to himself, by the way, something along the lines of…actually, you know what, fucking Mokvar was there.  See for yourself:

 

Tembw’bam runs erratically around the chamber, shoving gear into a number of bags.

TEMBW’BAM:  …that’s what ya gotta do, mon, ya gotta keep the line movin’, mon!  Hah!  HahahaHAH!  And so he says to me, he says, ya wanna be a hero?  And I say, YAH MON!  It gonna be bad!  Bad, mon!  So bad it good, mon!  HAHA!  I be makin’ da gravy wit’out da lumps, mon!  HAHAHAH!

He picks up a warhammer and swings it around awkwardly, almost falling over multiple times.

TEMBW’BAM:  Swing an’ miss, mon!  Turn of da screw!  It’s da bottom of da ninth an’ da dog an’ pony be showin’ da ropes, mon!  HAHAHAHAH!

He shifts into cat form and leaps across the room, then starts shoveling gear into a nearby satchel with both paws.

TEMBW’BAM:  So he says ta me, he says ta me, you got style, mon!  But you gotta get a plan!  You need a plan, mon!  And I says, I go, YAH MON, a plan, dat’s it!  Tembw’bam gonna arm me army!  Arm me army, arm me army arm me army armmearmy armarmymarmy army army ARM ’DEM MON!  And kill all da two-legs!  YAH, MON, YAH!  HAHAHAHA!

MOKVAR:  <aside to Garrosh>  Wow, you weren’t kidding about this guy.

GARROSH:  No shit, right?

Tembw’bam perks a cat ear and looks back at the doorway, spotting Garrosh and Mokvar.

MOKVAR:  Uh oh.

GARROSH:  Oops.

Everyone stares at each other for several seconds.  Tembw’bam turns back into a troll.

TEMBW’BAM:  Oh.  Um.  <long pause while he looks around nervously>  Um…hhhhhhhhhhey, mon.

GARROSH:  Um.

MOKVAR:  Uh, hey?

GARROSH:  So.  About this whole deal here with the bags.

Tembw’bam starts pushing random gear around the floor with his feet.

TEMBW’BAM:  Oh, dat, mon?  Oh, ya know, I just be tryin’ ta neaten up in here, it be all messy, ya know, just an eyesore when it be such a nice place when ya keep it nice…an’…uh…an’…AN’ HE SAYS, EVIL BE OKAY IN MY BOOK, MON, HOW ’BOUT YOURS?  An’ I go, I says, YAH MON YAH!  YAH!

Tembw’bam suddenly shapeshifts into cat form and pounces Garrosh, knocking him to the floor.

GARROSH:  Fucking hell—!

TEMBW’BAM:  Dead mon walkin’, mon!  Dead mon on da trapeze!  AN OBJECT AT REST CANNOT BE STOPPED, MON!

Tembw’bam dashes past Garrosh and Mokvar through the doorway and runs up the stairs.

GARROSH:  Seriously, would it kill you to put the pen down when shit like that starts happening to me?

 

So yeah, can you believe that shit?

We ran upstairs as fast as we could, but I’m guessing he must have stealthed once he got outside.  Mokvar and I started making our way further east, then south, and tried to check around as many corners as we could on the way.

After we’d cleared out a bunch of random wandering snakes (which were wearing plate chest pieces, which, y’know, ONE DOES WHEN ONE IS A SNAKE), we passed by what’s left of High Priest Thekal’s old area.  It’s mostly destroyed and collapsed in on itself since the Cataclysm, just heaps of stone and fallen walls, but I thought I heard something in there, so we stopped to have a look-see.  When we got closer, I thought the noises were coming from behind some of the rubble, so I yanked a few of the stone blocks out of the way.  (YES I can just toss stone blocks around like that, pansies – that’s what fucking happens when you actually know what the inside of the gym looks like.)  Turns out, there was a fucking TIGER back there!  Only I guess the thing was trapped, who knows for how long, so it wasn’t really hostile, just eager to get the hell out of there.

Funny thing is, once it was free, the tiger didn’t seem too interested in outright leaving – it just sort of stayed close by and followed me around for a while.  I guess maybe it was grateful that I’d gotten it free or something?  Eventually from the way the tiger kept leaning down when it was close, I took a guess that it was trying to offer to let me ride on its back.  Which, okay, that’s all kinds of cool.  Don’t get me wrong – Mortimer is awesome and all, but riding around on a tiger is pretty damn badass.  Mokvar whined a little about not getting to ride it too, but hey, I don’t share rides that way with other dudes, and plus, he’s got his damn wolf form or whatever.  What’s up with shaman who can’t seem to remember they can do that, anyway?

Anyhow, we took off from Thekal’s corner and started heading south.  Near the path leading up to Bloodlord Mandokir’s old digs, we found Nimboya and Kil’karil fighting off a bunch of raptors…which were wearing leather bomber helmets.  Yeah.  Meanwhile, everybody’s favorite nutjob druid was swooping around swiping at our guys while they were busy dealing with the raptors.  When he saw us coming in to join the fight, though, he was smart enough to figure he’d better make himself scarce, and flew up out of our reach.

There was a large troll temple overlooking the path we were on, built into the surrounding hills.  While we got the raptors under control, Tembw’bam flew up to the temple and disappeared through an arch for a minute, then came flying back out – and started flinging saronite bombs down at us, doing his patented ranting all the while…

 

TEMBW’BAM:  An’ so he says, I don’t like the cut o’ ya jib!  And I says, I go, it’s da only jib I got, mon!  HAHAHAHAHA!

Garrosh, Mokvar, Nimboya, and Kil’karil scatter, trying to avoid the falling bombs.

KIL’KARIL:  What be dis guy’s problem, mon?!

GARROSH:  <smacking a bomb away with Gorehowl, only to have it detonate just in front of him and knock him back>  Including or in addition to being totally fucking nuts?

TEMBW’BAM:  <swooping over, dropping more bombs>  Yah!  Boom, mon, boom!  Eat saronite, two-legs!  HAHAHA!

GARROSH:  Dude, what fucking species do you think YOU are?

MOKVAR:  Arguing with the crazy guy might not be the best plan.

GARROSH:  How about you come talk to me about tactical options after you put the fucking notebook away?

Tembw’bam starts to circle around to make another bombing swoop, when Mortimer flies in and collides with him, knocking him back and causing him to drop his remaining bombs into one of the nearby walls.  Tembw’bam hits the ground hard, then pulls himself up to his feet as a troll.

GARROSH:  Okay, now we’re in business!

MOKVAR:  You really need to give that wyvern a raise at some point.

Tembw’bam casts Hibernate on Mortimer, putting him to sleep in mid-air and causing him to crash to the ground.  Garrosh charges at Tembw’bam, who casts Typhoon and knocks him back into the rest of the group.

TEMBW’BAM:  Ha!  Haha!  HAHAHA!  For every action, dere be an equal an’ opposite stitch in time, mon!  HAHA!  An’ so I says ta him, tell me I be wrong, an’ he says, he goes, I can’t, mon, ’cause you’re n—

Tembw’bam’s ranting is interrupted when Krog unstealths behind him and stun-locks him.

KROG:  Oh.  Shut.  Up, laughing boy.

GARROSH:  Oh thank goodness.

KIL’KARIL:  Well he truly is a piece of work, now isn’t he?

MOKVAR:  Hang on, what’s up with your voice, Kil?

KIL’KARIL:  What about my voice?  I haven’t a notion what you mean.

NIMBOYA:  Don’ try to get into it wit’ him, mon.

GARROSH:  <sprinting back over to Tembw’bam>  Okay, so finally…

Tembw’bam breaks out of Krog’s stun, shapeshifts into bear form, and bashes Krog.  He immediately shifts to cat form and tries to leap away, but is intercepted by Garrosh, who grabs him tightly by the scruff of his neck.

GARROSH:  <holding Tembw’bam at arm’s length while he flails around futilely>  Not so fast there, batshit.

TEMBW’BAM:  You’ll never prove a t’ing, mon!  I’m just a part-time herbalist!  I— I— I…

KROG:  Uh, we’ve got like a room full of witnesses who saw—

TEMBW’BAM:  BAD IS GOOD, MON!  DOWN WIT’ DA TWO-LEGS!

MOKVAR:  Again, arguing with the insane?  Not really worth it.

 

So, we finally managed to get that fucker under wraps.  By this point, Mortimer was back up and about – he’d gotten the wind knocked out of him when he crash landed, but he wasn’t any worse for wear other than a few bruises – so he and I flew up to that temple that Tembw’bam was zipping in and out of.  Inside, there were frigging MOUNTAINS of gear, and bags scattered all around the place.  Pretty much any kind of weapon or armor you could think of, most of it showing some wear and tear but still plenty usable.

We made another sweep around Zul’Gurub, but only found a handful of other geared-up animals.  There were a few other areas where there was a pretty large amount of gear laying around on the ground among skeletons, especially up on top of the Altar of the Blood God, where Jin’do was trying to do his thing on Hakkar.  I’m thinking Tembw’bam may have been flying around in here gathering up all the equipment that had been dropped by adventurers who’d come into ZG and gotten their asses killed.  Granted, given the quality of some of this crap, I can see why they didn’t have a whole lot of success, but still.  Who knows how many places he’d been doing this in.

I’m having Tembw’bam ferried off to – let’s just say – a secure place to be held and kept out of trouble.  Meanwhile, I’m on my way back to Orgrimmar, where all of a sudden I’ve got to find some more stable space for the tiger.  Maybe in a pen next to the camel.  We’ll see.

Tangerine trees and marmalade skies

Posted in Transcripts with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 23, 2012 by Garrosh Hellscream

So…didn’t get around to posting when I got back in yesterday.  I wound up sleeping in late here at Warsong Hold, and I’m actually a little fuzzy as far as what happened after my last post from the DEHTA camp.

Mokvar was supposed to come meet me here in Northrend, but he wound up getting held up by some business back in Orgrimmar.  Luckily, Saurfang had his own in-house scribe on hand to keep a record.  See for yourself.

 

Scene: High Overlord’s Command Room, Warsong Hold

[High Overlord SAURFANG paces back and forth, dictating to ADELENE SUNLACE, Inscription Trainer and personal scribe.]

SAURFANG

…and so, Chieftain Icemist, with the Scourge thwarted and the Nerubian threat contained, I believe the time is right for us to begin the long-overdue work of reclaiming the lost settlements of your taunka brethren and securing them under the banner of the Horde.  I look forward to our continued correspondence.  Honor go with us all—

RAZGOR

[From outside.]

High Overlord!

TO’BOR

[Outside]

Make way, mon!  We be coming’ t’rough!

[Enter OVERLORD RAZGOR, Executive Officer of Warsong Hold, and WIND MASTER TO’BOR, propping up a staggering WARCHIEF GARROSH HELLSCREAM between them.  The Warchief’s personal wyvern wanders in behind them.]

GARROSH

HA!  Oh man, watch that last step, it’s a bitch!  HAHA!

SAURFANG

Warchief!  Men, what’s happening here?

TO’BOR

Da Warchief came flyin’ in on his wyvern, sir, an’ done come down unsteady on the landin’ platform.  He tumbled right offa da wyvern an’ stumbled over to da wall, an’ fell right over da edge, mon!

RAZGOR

I saw him come in from the ground, High Overlord.  The Warchief would have been badly hurt at the least, if the wyvern hadn’t swooped down and broken his fall.

SAURFANG

Thank the spirits for that much.  Are you all right, Warchief?

[Garrosh peers back at the High Overlord quizzically for a long moment, then breaks into a wide grin.]

GARROSH

You’re like, all pruney and shit, you know that, Saurfang?  HAHAHA!

SAURFANG

Well, he appears to be in good spirits, at the very least.

RAZGOR

Yes, sir.

TO’BOR

His eyes be lookin’ all bloodshot, dough, sir.  Mon.

SAURFANG

So I noticed.  I believe you men can release him, in any case.

[Razgor and To’bor release their grips on Garrosh, who stumbles forward, looks around, then starts to teeter to either side with his arms flailing around at his sides.]

RAZGOR

Whoa, hold on!

TO’BOR

Whoopsie-daisy-mon!

[They catch Garrosh again and steady him, then carefully let him go again.  The wyvern walks up close to Garrosh and leans against him lightly on one side.]

SAURFANG

To’bor, if you would, why don’t you escort the Warchief’s animal to the stables.

TO’BOR

Yessir.  Mon.

[To’bor grasps the wyvern’s harness and tries to pull it toward the side hall.  The wyvern doesn’t budge, and after several tugs of increasing force from To’bor, it snarls at To’bor and snaps at him, forcing him to jump back.]

TO’BOR

Okay den, now we jus’ got to show da wyvern who da boss here!

[To’bor grabs at the wyvern by the scruff of its neck and tries to pull it toward the floor.  As he does so, the wyvern spins its body in the opposite direction, yanking him over it; while he is disoriented, the wyvern grabs the hood of his cloak in its teeth, flings him onto the floor on his back, and pins him in place with one paw pressed firmly on his chest.]

GARROSH

HAH!  That’s awesome!  That’s it, Mortimer, show ’im who’s the alpha up in his bitch!  Hahahaheeeeee…  [Snorts.]

[To’bor struggles to get out from under the wyvern’s paw without much success.]

SAURFANG

So, then…Warchief…since you are…well…

GARROSH

Varok, buddy, I’m fuckin’ fantastic.  [Chuckles incontrollably.]

SAURFANG

Yes, I see…

GARROSH

[Continuously laughing while talking.]

Va-rok, Vaaaa-rok…hey, do people ever call you Rokky?  Haha…because they totally should!  You look like you could be a Rokky, dude.

SAURFANG

[Sighs.]

Warchief, listen to me very carefully.  While you were at the D.E.H.T.A. camp, did anyone, by chance, offer you a brownie?

GARROSH

Haha, dude, who DIDN’T offer me a brownie?  And, and let me tell you, Rokky… Heh…heh HA… Um… Yeah, so.  So those salads they got there are shit, but dude the fuckin’ brownies are AMAZING.  I… I think I had… um…  [He holds both hands in front of his face, and moves fingers on both hands as if counting silently.]  Um, yeah, a LOT!  Hahah!

SAURFANG

Oh dear.

TO’BOR

I coulda been tellin’ you dat, mon.

GARROSH

Oh and DUDE, lemme tell you, those things are fuckin’ scumptious.  [He blinks.]  Um.  Scumptious?  No…scruntious.  Scuntious..  Sc-rrrrrunnnn-tious.  DAMMIT!  Scummmmm-ptious… UGH!  Dammit my tongue won’t say it right!

SAURFANG

Suffice to say they were flavorful, and we move on, shall we, Warchief?

GARROSH

NO, fuck that shit, I’m not going to let my stupid uncooperative tongue beat me!  Scuntious!  DAMMIT!  Scruntious—FUCK, almost!  Scumptious!  Scumptious!  Scruntious!  SCUNTIOUS!  DAMMIT DEFIANT TONGUE!

[Garrosh brings both hands to his face and starts poking around his mouth angrily, eventually pinching his tongue between the fingers of one hand and holding it at full extension.  With his other hand, he hurriedly reaches behind him and draws Gorehowl.]

RAZGOR

Whoa!

TO’BOR

What you be doin’, mon?!

GARROSH

YOU DITHHODDOR DE HORDE, INTHOLENT DONGUE!

SAURFANG

Hold him, men!

[Saurfang and Razgor, aided by the wyvern holding the back of Garrosh’s belt in its teeth, grapple with the Warchief and eventually manage to get Gorehowl away from him.  To’bor tries to get up to offer his aid as well, but the wyvern thwarts his every attempt to rise by flattening him against the floor again emphatically.]

TO’BOR

Dis be a strong wyvern ya got here, mon…

SAURFANG

Now then…Warchief …did your visit to the D.E.H.T.A. camp elucidate the current conundrum?

GARROSH

What the who?

SAURFANG

Did…you learn anything?

GARROSH

OH YEAH!

SAURFANG

Ah, good.  What news, then?

GARROSH

Have you been over there before?

SAURFANG

I can’t say I’ve had the pleasure, no, Warchief.

GARROSH

Okay, so check it…  [He stumbles shakily to Saurfang, puts one arm around his shoulder, and leans in close, then pokes at Saurfang’s chest with one finger every few words.]  Okay.  So.  No matter…how sick you get of the salads…  [He nods seriously a few times, then stares at Saurfang for several seconds.]  What was I saying?

SAURFANG

Warchief?

[Garrosh continues his even stare for several seconds more, then looks around.]

SAURFANG

That would be you, sir.

GARROSH

What?  OH YEAH, fuck, it is, right?  HAHAHA, I’m Warchief – RECOGNIZE, bitches!

RAZGOR

Lok’tar!

TO’BOR

[Still pinned down by the wyvern.]

For da Horde!

[Saurfang glares at them impatiently and, behind Garrosh’s back, waves at them with one hand to stop.]

SAURFANG

So, Warchief… You were…starting to say about the D.E.H.T.A. camp?  And…something about… [He sighs briefly.]  …salads?

GARROSH

[His eyes go wide in recognition, and he resumes poking at Saurfang’s chest rapidly and energentically.]

OH YEAH!  Fuckin’ hell yeah!  SO!  So, so, so, um… No matter how sick you get of the salads… If they offer you a burger… [His eyes widen as his face turns very serious.]  DON’T.

[Saurfang watches him for a moment, purses his lips, then finally speaks.]

SAURFANG

Warchief…did they know anything pertaining to the problem of the armed animals across the various zones?

GARROSH

HOLY SHIT THEY DID, HOW DID YOU KNOW?!  [Stares wide-eyed a moment, then starts laughing hysterically.]

SAURFANG

And…sir…what did they tell you?

GARROSH

Okay, okay, so.  SO.  They were talking ’bout this…nutjob druid who was nutjobby even for them, right?  Like this guy was such a big animal lover, he didn’t even like shifting out of his animal forms, you know?

SAURFANG

Yes, sir…

GARROSH

Like…like… LIKE A BEAR!  RAAAARRR!!!  HahahahahaHA!  Rar.

SAURFANG

Yes, sir.

GARROSH

Hahahahahahaaaa… Like a bear!  RAR!

SAURFANG

[Rubs his forehead.]

Yes, sir.  Like a bear.

[Garrosh leans against Saurfang, putting his face on the High Overlord’s shoulder, and laughing hysterically for a few moments.]

SAURFANG

Warchief…please try to focus.  Was there anything else?

[Garrosh straightens up suddenly, and teeters for a moment.  Razgor runs over close in anticipation of the Warchief falling over backwards.]

GARROSH

OOPS!  Haha!  Um, yeah, okay.  SO.  Um… So yeah, I’ve got a name to check up on, and one of them, the birdy lady what’s-her-face, um, she said the guy used to talk a lot about Stranglethorn Vale, and plus…um…yeah, what with him being a troll, he might be wandering around in the jungle there.

SAURFANG

Well, that’s a promising lead at least, Warchief.

GARROSH

Right you are, Rokky!  HAHA!  Vaaaa-rok!  Varok Varok Varok!  OH HEY!  There once was a warrior named Varok!

TO’BOR

Here we go, mon…

GARROSH

Who passed on all servings of hamhock!

SAURFANG

True, I do not eat pork.

RAZGOR

Is that a religious thing?

SAURFANG

No, I just don’t dig on swine, that’s all.

GARROSH

Now I won’t deceive you —
He’ll pummel and cleave you,
And leave your sad ass really shellshocked.
EPIC VERSE!

[Garrosh throws both hands into the air as he yells “EPIC VERSE!!!”  When he finished the roar, he loses his balance and spills flat onto the floor, face-down.]

SAURFANG

Warchief!  Are you all right?

GARROSH

[Slightly muffled from his face being on the floor.]

You know, this map on the floor looks fucking HUGE from down here!  HAHA!  [Punches the floor a few times while laughing.]  You know what you need down here?  One of those big fur rugs.  Like…LIKE A BEAR!  HAHAHA!

SAURFANG

Yes, sir…

RAZGOR

Like a bear.

TO’BOR

Rar, mon.

SAURFANG

What was that, anyway, Warchief?

GARROSH

What do you mean, what was that?  That was EPIC VERSE!  HAHAHA!

SAURFANG

I’m not sure I understand…

RAZGOR

Do you not read the blog?

SAURFANG

I rarely ever use that infernal machine.

GARROSH

Oh oh oh oh OH DUDE, you should totally get on the computer more, I could totally hook you up on Earth Online!

SAURFANG

Should I know what that is?

RAZGOR

It’s this thing on the internet.

GARROSH

Yeah, dude, it’s a really cool game.

SAURFANG

A…game?

GARROSH

Yeah, a computer game!

SAURFANG

And…you play this game, sir?

GARROSH

Hell yeah!  I’m totally gonna sent you a RAF link after this.  HAH that sounds funny — RAAAAAF hahaha…

SAURFANG

Warchief…you’re thirty-four years old.

GARROSH

RAAAAAAAAAFFFFFFFFF…  HAHAHAA…  [Slapping his hands randomly on the floor while he laughs.]

SAURFANG

Come now, Warchief.

[Saurfang and Razgor help Garrosh back to his feet.  As they lift him, Garrosh points to a spot on the floor and bursts out laughing again.]

GARROSH

Hey Saurfang!  Hey!  Check it, see that spot right there?  That’s…hehehe…that’s the EXACT. SPOT.  Where you told me that time…haha… where you told me you’d kill me before you let me lead the Horde to ruin!

[Garrosh leans against Saurfang, laughing hysterically while draping one arm each over Saurfang and Razgor, letting them hold him up.  As his laughter grows weaker, he pulls them closer to him on either side.]

GARROSH

[Sob-laughing.]

I fuckin’ love you guys!

SAURFANG

[Aside.]

I’m sure Thrall had his reasons…

 

So, yeah.  Maybe not the proudest day for me, but whatever.  At least we’ve got a lead and can see about tracking down this loose cannon druid guy.  Not sure what’s up with Saurfang’s scribe funky-ass formatting, but I guess not everybody’s going to do things Mokvar-style.  If it works for Saurfang, fine.

I’ll be heading back to Orgrimmar.  First, though, I need to see what they’ve got to eat around here.  I’m fucking STARVING, dude.  Not to mention, my sides are fucking killing me.

 

“Kids these days and their felweed…”

Attack of the petting zoo

Posted in General, Transcripts with tags , , , , , , , , on July 19, 2012 by Garrosh Hellscream

Okay, so we’ve established that something fishy is going on with these gear-toting animals, pretty much all over the place.  Since I brought up the issue earlier in the week, I’ve been getting reports flooding in from all quarters about animals carrying weapons and armor.  And then, a couple days ago, I had my bizarre and disturbing trip to the plateau in Mulgore where a zillion and one critters and zipping around with knives and helmets and…I don’t know, at this point I’m surprised they don’t have fucking rocket launchers or something.

I don’t much like the way this is going right within view of Thunder Bluff.  I also figured that with so much crazy-ass stuff going on with animals, it might be a good idea to check in with our own resident nature-boys, the druids.  So, I decided to kill two birds with one stone (and hope the metaphorical birds weren’t carrying, you know, metaphorical explosives armed with metaphorical dead-man’s switches) and bring this business to the attention of Thunder Bluff’s very own head-honcho druid, Hamuul Runetotem.

Hamuul was as disturbed by all of this as I was, and decided he wanted to check on things personally.  We flew over to the Critter Plateau of WTF earlier today, and seeing as this seemed like one of those “let’s keep a record of shit” occasions, I sent word to Orgrimmar for Mokvar to fly over and meet us there.

Apparently, before he left, Mokvar and the messenger I’d sent had a few go-rounds of “Why does Garrosh want me to fly out there again?”, “No, really,” “Seriously, what’s the actual reason?”, and so on.

Gotta be honest.  I don’t blame you one bit, Mokvar.

 

Hamuul Runetotem rejoins Garrosh and Mokvar after circling around the plateau in flight form.

GARROSH:  So, what’s the verdict, Hamuul?

HAMUUL:  Very peculiar…

GARROSH:  Wow, peculiar.  I’m glad I brought you in on this.  Keen insight right there, dude.

HAMUUL:  Clearly someone is tampering with the conduct of these creatures, though I’m at a loss to speculate as to who.

GARROSH:  Well, yeah, obviously they didn’t smith this stuff up themselves.

HAMUUL:  Indeed.

GARROSH:  So any other bright ideas about…  <looks up>  Hold up…

A brown and violet eagle flies up to the group and shapeshifts into Malfurion Stormrage.

GARROSH:  Wait – the hell?

HAMUUL:  Greetings, Shan’do.

MALFURION:  A pleasure as always, Hamuul.

GARROSH:  What is HE doing here?

HAMUUL:  I took the liberty of bringing this matter to the attention of certain allies.

GARROSH:  Uh, yeah, LITERALLY Allies.

MALFURION:  <nods to Garrosh>  Warchief.

GARROSH:  <nods back>  Antlers.

HAMUUL:  It would be a courtesy to address him by his actual name.

GARROSH:  Meh, Malfunction Stormface, Antlers McBeardyface, po-tay-to, po-tah-to, boo hoo.

HAMUUL:  <to Malfurion>  Probably the best we’re going to get.

MALFURION:  Good enough.

GARROSH:  Okay, so now that we’re all buddies and shit, do I get to find out why we’ve got one of the night elf leaders rolling on through Horde territory like it’s something to do?

HAMUUL:  I thought Master Stormrage might be of some aid in determining the cause of these unnatural developments.

MALFURION:  I can be on my way just as easily if you prefer.

GARROSH:  Yeah, whatever, fine, I’ll cut you some slack what with the whole Ragnaros thing.  I suppose you might have a good read on some of these animals, what with…you know…you practically being one and all.

MALFURION:  I’m a druid.  We all take on animal forms.

GARROSH:  Yeah, right I get that.  But…  <gestures toward the feathered wings on Malfurion’s arms and the bear paws he has for feet>  …you know…

MALFURION:  <sighs>  All right, one last time…

HAMUUL:  You don’t have to.

MALFURION:  No, it’s fine.  I get this all the time.

HAMUUL:  If you wish.

MALFURION:  As a result of the years my spirit dwelled within the Emerald Dream, I gradually took on the attributes of many of the creatures whose forms we druids assume.

GARROSH:  Yeah, but…dude, you’ve got paws.

MALFURION:  Yes, and?

GARROSH:  That doesn’t weird people out a little?  I mean, okay, I don’t really know how you night elves roll, other than, y’know, how you roll over dead after you get chopped up a little, but…

MOKVAR:  Sadly, this really is him on his good behavior.

GARROSH:  I’m serious!  Don’t you get sick of the “get your paws off me” jokes at home or whatever?

MALFURION:  <rolling eyes>  I’ll have you know, if anything, Tyrande really seems to go for—

HAMUULHush, Malfurion!

MALFURION:  …

GARROSH:  HAH!  Did you just shush him?  Because that’s kind of awesome.

HAMUUL:  <sighs>  The point.  Being.  Master Stormrage kindly offered his aid in determining what has been happening with these animals…

GARROSH:  Yeah, fine, whatever.  Let him help.  Are we going to have any more special guests showing up that I need to be warned about?

A giddy squeal can be heard in the distance, followed by the voice of…

MYLUNE:  Oh look at all the adorable bunnies!

HAMUUL:  Actually…

GARROSH:  You…didn’t.

Mylune prances past the others, excitedly racing after random rabbits and prairie dogs.

MYLUNE:  They’re just so cute and warm and soft and snuggly and squee!

GARROSH:  After last time?  Really?

MALFURION:  In Hamuul’s defense, she just happened by when he was explaining the situation to me.

HAMUUL:  She heard “rabbits and prairie dogs,” and, well, that was pretty much that.

GARROSH:  Okay, fine, let her do her thing.  Maybe she’ll fall down a rabbit hole or something.  In the meantime…

MYLUNE:  Oooh and cute little prairie dogs too!  Yay!

GARROSH:  …um…any other insights on what’s going on up here?

MALFURION:  Obviously the creatures are being armed by someone, but based on how these animals are reacting to us, they’re unaccustomed to a humanoid presence.

HAMUUL:  A druid, then, appearing in animal form?

MALFURION:  Most likely.  Not any affiliated with us, though, I can’t imagine.

Mylune continues scampering around the plateau, chasing assorted critters and emitting happy squeals at frequencies only occasionally perceptible to the orcish ear.

GARROSH:  Well riddle me this, Antlers.  How do I know some of your Alliance buddies aren’t behind this?

MALFURION:  Warchief, I could try to hide behind some sort of sweeping statement of principle, but even setting that aside, look around.  If the Alliance were going to encroach on Horde territory, do you really believe this is the best idea they could come up with?

GARROSH:  Point.

MALFURION:  The Alliance leadership may be many things, but they’re not idiots.

MOKVAR:  You’ve met Varian, right?

Mylune grabs at a rat, which wriggles around in a desperate, ill-fated attempt to escape her grasp.

MYLUNE:  Oh no no no, Mr. Sneaky Rat, you don’t get away that easy, silly thing!  You mousey-faces need love too!

GARROSH:  By the way, did she miss the part about them being, you know, armed and shit?

HAMUUL:  I’m fairly sure she just hears “cute animals,” and the rest becomes something of a blur.

A few prairie dogs gather up closer to Mylune, while a group of rabbits hop over to her.  One bounces up into her hands, which sets off a torrent of joyful squealing.

MYLUNE:  Ohhhhh I love you too, little bunny rabbit!

She squeezes the rabbit against her, only to have it bounce free.  While she tries to regain her grasp on the rabbit, some of the other critters gather around closer to her.

MYLUNE:  No no, Mr. Bunny, I’ve got— ooh careful with your teeth there, Mr. Bunny, those are a little sharp—!  But don’t worry, I won’t drop— eek!  Careful, little bunny, you really have some choppers, hee hee!

GARROSH:  Um, is it my imagination, or are they…?

Several critters gather around Mylune, and, while she tries to resume hugging her original rabbit, a second rabbit hops up onto her shoulder and starts weakly swinging at her neck with the tiny axe it carries in its mouth.

MYLUNE:  Now settle—ouch!—settle down, silly little Bunny-Pants, Auntie Luney—oof!!—Now stop that, you little cutie-pie!

Some of the prairie dogs run in close to Mylune’s hooves and start jabbing at her with their tiny daggers.

MYLUNE:  Noooo, silly little—eek!—little fuzzy-wuzzies!  OUCH!  No, that hurts!  You don’t want to hurt—AAH!—to hurt Autie Luney, do you?  <skipping around, trying to keep her legs clear of the prairie dogs>  No, don’t!  Aunie Luney—ooh!—Auntie Luney just wants to love you!

A trio of rats start shooting BBs at Mylune with their miniature rifles.  The prairie dogs scampering around her feet are joined by additional mini-axe-carrying rabbits.

MALFURION:  I tried to warn her about forcing her affection on woodland creatures…

HAMUUL:  Mmhmm.

MYLUNE:  <tilting her head to avoid the weak swings of the rabbit on her shoulder>  No!  No, bunny!  Stop!  Please—EEP!—please, fuzzies!

GARROSH:  Gotta say, I knew something bad was going to happen to her.

MYLUNE:  <sobbing>  No!  You’re too—AAH! your teeth really are sharp, bunny—!  Ooh!  You’re too cute and sweet and—ugh!—and loveable to be mean like—like— OWW!!!  <grabs the rabbit hopping at her chest and pulls it away>  That fucking HURTS, you carrot-sucking son of a BITCH!  <glares down at the rabbit in her hands>  I try to be nice to you motherfuckers and this is the thanks I get?!  Well FUCK THAT!

Mylune flings the rabbit away – narrowly missing Garrosh’s head – then grabs the axe-carrying rabbit on her shoulder.  Seizing it by its ears, she whips it around in an arc in front of her and slams its body into a nearby tree.

MYLUNEI’ve HAD IT with this shit!  YOU COCKSUCKERS FUCKED WITH THE WRONG FUCKING NYMPH!

GARROSH:  <turning quizzically to Hamuul and Malfurion>  Um…

MYLUNEYou wanna fucking go?  OKAY, WE’LL FUCKING GO!

Mylune kicks a nearby prairie dog off into the distance, then stomps on another as she brings her hoof back down.

MYLUNE:  <grabbing a rabbit in one hand, a rat in the other>  How do you like me NOW, assholes?!  <smashes the rabbit and rat together, head first>  HOW DO YOU FUCKING LIKE ME NOW?!

MOKVAR:  Is it wrong that I’m actually finding this kind of hot?

GARROSH:  Don’t make me put a talking ban on you too.

Mylune tramples a group of prairie dogs that have been stabbing ineffectually at her legs, then snatches up a rat.  She whips the rat around in circles by its tail, lashes it through a pack of critters, then launches it into the air beyond the edge of the plateau.

MYLUNE:  <glaring around at the remaining critters>  ANYBODY ELSE WANNA BE A FUCKING HERO?

A handful of rats shoot more BBs at Mylune, who runs over and tramples them into the ground.  Several rabbits start to regroup behind her; she turns on them and glares.

MYLUNE:  ANY OF YOU FUCKING PRICKS MOVE, AND I’LL EXECUTE EVERY MOTHINGFUCKING LAST ONE OF YOU!  <looks around side to side, breathing hard with fists clenched>  Yeah, that’s right!  KING KRUSH AIN’T GOT SHIT ON ME!!

Garrosh turns to Hamuul and Malfurion and appears to start talking a few times before actually uttering the words.

GARROSH:  So…that was unexpected.

HAMUUL:  You might think.

MALFURION:  You have no idea how much money is going to change hands over this back at Nordrassil.

HAMUUL:  I had her for August, myself.

MALFURION:  Ah, pity.  So close.

GARROSH:  Wait, you mean you guys…you know what?  Never mind.  Let’s not even.

MALFURION:  Suffice to say there are those who’ve…had their concerns.

MYLUNE:  Oh shut your fucking pie hole, Mal!  <looking around at the scattering critters>  Yeah!  Yeah!  You BETTER run! I…  <breathing starts to slow to normal>  See what you…

Mylune closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, then looks around slowly at the scattered critter bodies.

MALFURION:  And here we go.

MYLUNE:  Oh…oh no… Oh, no, no, no…  <rubbing her hands over her hair, then covering her face>  No, no, oh Goddess no no no, not again

GARROSH:  Hang on, did she—

HAMUUL:  Just don’t.

Mylune looks around sadly, whimpering more and more incoherently, and starts to cry uncontrollably while slumping down onto the ground.

MYLUNE:  No, no, nooo…

MALFURION:  <to Hamuul>  Shall we?

HAMUUL:  We may as well.

Hamuul and Malfurion walk over to Mylune and help her to her feet.

MALFURION:  There, there…

GARROSH:  I should probably let you guys focus on…you know.

HAMUUL:  I can fly ahead and tell Cenarius to clear his afternoon.

MALFURION:  Probably for the best.

MYLUNE:  <sobbing weakly>  Mr. Thumper, I’m sorry…!

 

Okay, so, um…yeah.

I’ve got a few ideas on where to turn next in all of this, but first…yeah… I think I need a drink.

Actually, I think I need several.

Actually, I think I need a brewery.

Back later.

 

Go ahead.  Make her day.

“What are you lookin’ at?”

Good news, everyone

Posted in General, Transcripts with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 1, 2012 by Garrosh Hellscream

We’re in business.  Things are in motion, and one way or another, either we pull this off pretty soon, or we’re going home to some big problems.

After we did the ol’ switcheroo with Faranell – I guess I should start getting into the habit of calling him Edwin, but it just feels weird – I tried to keep an eye out for Tirion’s kid, but no luck there.  Since Mokvar wasn’t going to be coming to the meeting with Isilien and Doan, I put him on lookout, with some help from Utvoch…that is, lookout help that still keeps him out of a position where he could really fuck something up, because seriously, enough is enough with that shit.

Faranell stepped out for a little while this afternoon to go see Kel’Thuzad – KT on his own this time, without Helcular in tow.  He came back with some less-than-great news: KT has been noticing the Silver Hand people hanging around town, and is starting to wonder what they’re up to.  Considering KT’s interest in necromancy, you can see how a bunch of paladins might perk him up some, especially with rumors flying around about the undead.  If only he knew, right?  Well, that’s sort of the point – I mean, things going on that KT doesn’t know.  He basically was trying to find out if Edwin knows anything, especially considering his brother’s been spending some time up close and personal with the paladins.  Edwin downplayed knowing anything, but Kel’Thuzad pressed him to keep an eye out and see if he could find anything out from his brother.

Besides the fact that this gives us one more wrinkle to worry about – which we’re going to have to keep worrying about until the Silver Hands get out of town so KT won’t have them putting ideas in his head – it’s also bringing us back to the problem Faranell’s brought up already: the fact that he doesn’t remember this business with Kel’Thuzad at all.  I was already kind of worried about the whole time-distortion thing with Mokvar’s plan to hex Faranell v1.0 – I mean, how is our Faranell supposed to remember what originally happened here, when we take his past self out of commission so he won’t have lived those events to remember them, right?  And plus, wouldn’t he at least remember, you know, being turned into a damn frog?  But Liadrin insisted that it should work what with the way revised time works, with ripples from the changes not reaching out to us until the events play themselves out, or some kind of shit like that, and she seems to know what she’s talking about with this time crap, which she actually seems really interested for who knows what reason, so whatever, I figured I’d trust her on that much.  But now we seem to be getting more and more little pieces not meshing with the way Edwin remembers things, and that’s got me majorly worried.

Witness the latest little piece that seems to be playing out differently: turns out, when they were talking at some point, Isilien invited Patrick to come to our little meeting of the minds as well.  On the one hand because he figured he could use all the brain power on this project he could find, and plus, apparently dude likes lighting a fire under Doan by bringing in second opinions from other magic users.  Because, you know, if there’s one thing that’s a formula for success with these future Scarlet Crusade people, it’s encouraging their insecurity and paranoia.  Yeah.

Anyway, though, Patrick came with us to see Isilien.  We just got back a short time ago – well, most of us did – and luckily, Edwin and his on-again off-again super-memory was able to help Liadrin get the record assembled fairly quickly:

 

Isilien greets Garrosh, Liadrin, Edwin, and Patrick through a half-opened door and ushers them into the room quickly.

ISILIEN:  Hurry in.  I don’t want anyone to notice us.

GARROSH:  Check.

LIADRIN:  Have you seen anything to make you think someone knows we’re doing something?

ISILIEN:  I just don’t want to take any chances.

DOAN:  Bad enough as it is that this many people are aware of our plans…

EDWIN:  Nice to meet you, too.

LIADRIN:  Gentlemen, this is Edwin Faranell; I believe you already know his brother Patrick…

ISILIEN:  <nods>  Edwin.

DOAN:  Do any of you have any cousins you’d like to bring along while we’re at it?

ISILIEN:  Doan, that’s enough.

GARROSH:  Hey, you know, if you’d rather not have our help…

DOAN:  As a matter of fact—

ISILIENDoan.  Lia is a sister of the Light, and we will show her friends the same courtesy we would any ally.  Or do you think a paladin of our own order would be turned against us in favor of the undead?

DOAN:  Fine.  Let’s just get this done.

LIADRIN:  Have you had any progress in your study of the crystal?

ISILIEN:  Yes and no.  I’m still certain it could be harnessed to repel undead attackers, but it’s a matter of how.

DOAN:  Especially without the crystal being available to us directly for long.

ISILIEN:  <nods>  Alexandros is right to want the crystal forged into a weapon – that singular object would be a devastating force on the front lines when the undead inevitably come.  But it also limits our options here.

LIADRIN:  Isilien, would it be possible for me to examine it more closely myself?

ISILIEN:  <nods>  Briefly.

Isilien sets Mograine’s chest out on the table and opens it.  The light crystal floats up from the chest and hovers over it, rotating slowly.  Liadrin steps up close, with Edwin and Patrick following close behind her.

PATRICK:  Heavens…

ISILIEN:  The crystal’s energy is…curious.

EDWIN:  How so?

DOAN:  For one, it doesn’t resemble any kind of enchantment I’ve ever seen.  I haven’t an idea of how the crystal could have been imbued with this much power in the first place.

GARROSH:  Didn’t you imbue it yourself?  Pouring all your holy spells into it?

ISILIEN:  That triggered its transformation from its dark form, but no, it’s not as simple as us filling it with our magic.  The power contained in the crystal is far beyond what we cast on it.

EDWIN:  You mean the shadow and light forms of the crystal are just different manifestations of the same energy, that it already had?

LIADRIN:  More that the crystal absorbed and generated holy energy…whatever was cast on it was taken in and magnified.

ISILIEN:  Exactly…it’s as if it were a generator of sorts for that energy.

Liadrin steps closer as they continue to talk, and holds her palm toward the crystal.  The crystal glows a bit more brightly, floats toward her, and rests against her hand; she gingerly holds it as the light pulses softly.

PATRICK:  So it’s a power amplifier, in a sense?  Potentially unlimited?  Is that the curious part?

ISILIEN:  Partly.

DOAN:  But it also…it still seems to be carrying traces of shadow magic in it.

EDWIN:  <leaning in closer>  Remnants of its dark state?

DOAN:  Possibly.  Or not even traces, per se, so much as…well…responsiveness to shadow magic.  As if it recognizes its presence and is drawn to it.

LIADRIN:  Just as it was drawn to the light when it was in its darkened state.

DOAN:  If it were a living thing and not a crystal, I would be tempted to say the shadow traces were more traces of memory.

ISILIEN:  Crystal or not, it seems to…like you, Lia…

The crystal continues pulsing and emitting a soft hum.

LIADRIN:  It does seem to…

The crystal glows more brightly, flashing more rapidly, then emits a sudden bright flash.  Liadrin, startled, recoils and drops the crystal, which falls against the edge of the table.  A small fragment of the crystal breaks off and bounces against Edwin’s arm; he lets out a pained shout and collapses to the ground, unconscious.

PATRICK:  Edwin!

Patrick kneels quickly to check on his brother while Liadrin rubs her head and steadies herself again.  The crystal returns to its normal glow and resumes hovering over the table again.

GARROSH:  Is he okay?

PATRICK:  He’s unconscious, but breathing.

GARROSH:  What happened, anyway?

DOAN:  I haven’t a clue.  The crystal hasn’t reacted to anything like that before.

LIADRIN:  <still rubbing forehead>  I think that was me.

GARROSH:  Patrick, help me get him onto the bed till he comes to.

ISILIEN:  What did you do, Lia?

Garrosh and Patrick pick Edwin up and stretch him out on the bed nearby.  Garrosh returns to the others while Patrick sits on the bed.

LIADRIN:  I thought I could use some holy magic to get a better read on it…sort of a poor man’s Mind Vision, I suppose.  I must have…startled it, for lack of a better word.

ISILIEN:  That would account for the light surge.  I’m not sure why that fragment would have harmed your friend, though.

Doan carefully picks the fragment up from the floor.  It gives off a dull glow in his hand.

DOAN:  Either way, it may have given us a possible way around our limited access to the crystal…

ISILIEN:  Assuming this one has the same properties.

LIADRIN:  Only one way to find out.

Liadrin casts Flash of Light on the crystal, which pulses a bit more brightly.  Isilien casts on it as well, causing another increase in its brightness.  Doan stares curiously at the fragment shimmering in his hand.

ISILIEN:  So far, so good.

DOAN:  It’s…very soothing.  How did it feel when you were holding the crystal, Lia?

LIADRIN:  <hesitates> Much the same.

PATRICK:  Good news, everyone.  I think Edwin is coming to.

GARROSH:  What happened to him?

DOAN:  I don’t know why a surge of holy magic would have been harmful.

EDWIN:  I think I… How long was I out?

PATRICK:  Just a few minutes.

EDWIN:  <sighs and rubs his head>  Just a second…

GARROSH:  Maybe, I don’t know, just a random blast from when it cracked…

DOAN:  It only hurt him when the fragment actually touched him, though.

EDWIN:  Okay, so…

PATRICK:  Don’t strain yourself if you’re still groggy.

EDWIN:  No, I’m fine.  So…I think that surge might have gotten me because I’d been spending a lot of time around Kel’Thuzad the last few days…

ISILIEN:  What would Kel’Thuzad have to do with it?

EDWIN:  <rubbing his eyes>  He’s been experimenting with necromancy.

DOAN:  I’d heard humors about that.  Very troubling…

EDWIN:  He was showing me and Helcular some of the magics he’s been working with.  I think it might have left some residual necrotic magic around me that the light there may have homed in on…

GARROSH:  Seems like that would make sense.

EDWIN:  Yeah, so… <tries to sit up, then groans>

PATRICK:  Don’t, you’re still shaky.  Just lay back and rest while we work.

ISILIEN:  If that’s the case with the fragment, though, that could be our way to use it.

EDWIN:  <aside to Patrick>  I’m fine, I’ll stay and rest.  You go help them.

LIADRIN:  What do you have in mind?

ISILIEN:  Considering what we saw happen with the dark and light forms of the crystal, it makes sense to suppose this object thrives on a sort of dark/light duality.  When dark, it seeks and absorbs holy magic in order to assume its light form.  And while light, it’s drawn to shadow magic, in this case to more harmful effect.

GARROSH:  You know, I think I know where you’re going with this.

Patrick returns to the others.

ISILIEN:  Released in the presence of a more potent – almost living, even – source of shadow magic, I think we could set it up to respond with much greater force.  Destroying, or possibly purging the magic it finds.

LIADRIN:  In other words…expose undead to this and the light will target them, then either destroy them outright or dispel the undeath that’s reanimated them?

ISILIEN:  I think so, yes.

DOAN:  It should be workable.  We just need to charge it with more holy energy and come up with a way to keep it contained until we would need to deployed to repel the undead.

PATRICK:  I think I can be of some help with that.

Patrick starts rifling through a box of assorted junk and magic items he’d brought with him.

GARROSH:  I was wondering what all that crap was.

PATRICK:  Oh, just some odds and ends I thought might be— Wait, what’s this?  <looking over what looks like a crystalline turtle>  Probably not important.  It’ll come to me later.  <tosses it aside>  Where was I?  Oh, that’s right.  Some assorted things I though might come in handy.  <pulls out an ornate rod>  Huh…enchanting rod…funny I’d have that seeing as I’m not an enchanter.

GARROSH:  So how much stuff do you have in there that you don’t actually know what it is?

PATRICK:  Oh, who keeps track of these things.  <brandishes the rod>  Also good for channeling, I suppose.  Which I also won’t be doing…

EDWIN:  I think Helcular could use one of those.

PATRICK:  <shrugs and tosses it onto the floor>  Here, give it to him, we don’t need it for anything.  Ah ha!

GARROSH:  What ah ha?

DOAN:  Isilien, I’m starting to think this friend of yours might be a little crazy.

PATRICK:  Ah!  Good news, everyone, I found it!  Just what the doctor ordered!

Patrick pulls a polished bronze canister from the box – less than a foot on each side, runes engraved in a horizontal band, and a rounded lid on top.

ISILIEN:  What is it?

PATRICK:  Let’s see how crazy I am now, Doan.  The correct answer is very.

DOAN:  Fine, fine, but what is it?

PATRICK:  <hands the canister to Doan>  Oh, just an ordinary canister.

DOAN:  I don’t really see how that’s usef—

PATRICKThat’s no ordinary canister!

ISILIEN:  Didn’t you just…

EDWIN:  Just let him.  It goes faster.

PATRICK:  This isn’t just your standard polished inscribed jewel-encrusted bronze box, oh no…

GARROSH:  Actually, I don’t see any jewels…

PATRICK:  Hey, those student loans aren’t going to pay themselves.

EDWIN:  That’s fine.  Don’t listen to the incapacitated guy.

PATRICK:  What we have here is a mirrored reliquary.  Its interior is enchanted to reflect magic back on itself and keep it contained within the canister indefinitely – basically takes a magical source and forces it to charge itself up even further.  Sounds about right, doesn’t it?

DOAN:  Damn near perfect.

ISILIEN:  Indeed.  I assume the fragment would have to stay sealed inside the reliquary at all times?

PATRICK:  Until we need its energies unleashed, yes.

ISILIEN:  In that case, the only thing left is to come up with a way to set it to release the energy in the presence of undead.

PATRICK:  Well, it’s not even so much the undead themselves, as the presence of shadow magic?  Or…whatever it’s called, necrotic something-or-other, the energy that reanimates them?

DOAN:  Assuming we can put this together, by the way, where would you suggest using it, Isilien?

ISILIEN:  For all intents and purposes, we’re creating a bomb that doesn’t detonate until its target is right on top of it.  I’d suggest we plant it in one of our cities, such that, should the undead begin to invade, it will serve the ward off the first wave.

DOAN:  Where would you suggest?  Andorhal?  Stratholme?  Lordaeron proper?

ISILIEN:  There’s no telling where the undead might move first.  But Southshore is where we made our discovery.  I think it’s as good a place as any to receive our first attempt at safeguarding.

DOAN:  Here in Southshore it is, then.

PATRICK:  As for releasing the energy… I’m fairly sure I could work up some sort of gadgetry that would react to exposure to necrotic energy, and unseal the reliquary.

DOAN:  You know how to do that?

PATRICK:  I’ll have you know I’ve had a fair bit of training in engineering.

EDWIN:  Granted, when he builds something, a lot of the time he gets a little too creative for his own good.

PATRICK:  Oh, people just like to complain.

EDWIN:  He’s all about the coulda, not the shoulda.

PATRICK:  Fine, fine.  Everyone’s always in favor of cloning dinosaurs, but harness one to a shark equipped with a ray gun and rocket boosters and oooh, suddenly you’ve gone too far.

DOAN:  Wait, you mean you…?

EDWIN:  <sitting up on the bed and stretching> Don’t give him a chance to dig out the blueprints, really.

PATRICK:  <chuckles>  Anyway, though… The point is, I’m pretty sure that we can assemble some sort of trigger mechanism that will react to nearby shadow energies.  Then, out comes the powerful, cleansing light.

Garrosh helps Edwin to his feet, then looks to Liadrin, who returns his nod.

GARROSH:  I seems like you guys have this under control, so I think we’re going to help Edwin here back to his room and let you all get to work.

LIADRIN:  As fascinating as this last part of the project is, I’m sure those of us not mechanically inclined would only be in the way.

ISILIEN:  Understandable.  Your friend could stand to get some rest, in a place that isn’t full of people chattering on.

EDWIN:  You have no idea, my friend.

ISILIEN:  Thank you all for your help with this.

GARROSH:  No problem, Isilien.

LIADRIN:  Our pleasure, Isilien.  Also, if I might offer a word of advice for after you’re finished here?

ISILIEN:  Yes?

LIADRIN:  Everything that’s happened in this room…it should stay in this room.  Don’t spread word of what you’ve done – or what happened with Mograine’s crystal – to anyone.

ISILIEN:  I know how to be discreet, so no concerns there.

GARROSH:  Yeah, but at the same time, you also seem to like to bring people in for help.  You want to be careful even about your allies.

DOAN:  See, I keep telling you you’re too trusting.

GARROSH:  I’m just saying, you need to keep your guard up about this stuff.  I mean, even if someone looks trustworthy, you can’t just take them at face value.  I’ve had my own…dealings…with the undead.  They’re not all slobbering zombies stumbling around groaning about brains.  You never know who you’re really dealing with, no matter how things look on the surface.

ISILIEN:  <eyes growing wide>  You…you’re right.  The undead could be anyone – we can’t trust anyone outside our own circle…

GARROSH:  Anyway!  Let’s get Edwin back to his room.  Night, guys.

PATRICK:  I’ll come check on you later, Edwin.

LIADRIN:  Goodbye, all.

EDWIN:  Thanks, Patrick.  Night.

Garrosh, Edwin, and Liadrin leave the room, close the door behind them, and walk down the hall toward their rooms.

GARROSH:  So what’s the verdict about the crystal?

LIADRIN:  When I was holding it, it felt exactly the same as when I felt M’uru restoring the Sunwell.  That confirms what I already suspected – I think Mograine’s crystal is the spark of a dying naaru.

GARROSH:  So you mean the Ashbringer is actually made out of…naaru essence?  Crap, no wonder the thing’s so powerful.

EDWIN:  Why did it seem to gravitate toward you?

LIADRIN:  I’m probably the only person it’s encountered who’s been touched by another of the naaru.  M’uru, A’dal… It changes you.  I imagine the spark could sense it, maybe even perceived it as kinship.

GARROSH:  Well aren’t you special.

LIADRIN:  I rather am, actually.

EDWIN:  And so, given all of its naaru-driven holy energy, I imagine that fragment knocked me on my ass because I’m… <glancing around to either side as they near their own doors>  Well, you know…  <holds his arms in an exaggerated marching-zombie pose>

LIADRIN:  You are and you aren’t.

EDWIN:  How do you mean?

LIADRIN:  I mean that yes, the energy rendered you unconscious because of your…normal state.  But that’s more of a…it’s hard to explain.  Hold on.

Liadrin opens the door to one of the rooms, leads them in, and closes the door behind them.

Look at it this way.  When we came through the time portal, we all took on human appearances.  But it wasn’t as simple as a glamour or illusion spell.  If one of us were injured and went to a doctor, the doctor would be able to examine us, work on us the same as anyone else.  They wouldn’t be reaching through some surface illusion and finding an elvish or orich or Forsaken body underneath.  Likewise if one of us died, we wouldn’t just revert back to our normal appearances.  As long as we’re here in this time, we literally are human.

GARROSH:  You’re TRYING to make me sick, aren’t you?

EDWIN:  Huh.  Interesting.  But if that’s the case, I don’t see why the crystal would affect me at all.

LIADRIN:  That’s the tricky part.  We’re all still carrying vestiges of our old selves, sort of a shadow or overlay of who we normally are.  In a sense both our forms still exist, overlapping in the same space, with our current state toggled onto this one on a quantum level, and…

GARROSH:  Okay, okay, let’s just say we’re human with a little drop of whatever else before you make my brain go on strike.

LIADRIN:  You’re just lucky it was merely the smaller fragment.  If you’d touched the main crystal itself it could very well have still killed you, even in this form.

EDWIN:  Ouch.

GARROSH:  That could have been awkward.

EDWIN:  Yes, I would hate to have an awkward death.

GARROSH:  I just mean explaining it.  Like to your brother.

LIADRIN:  I did the best I could just to cover for what did happen.

EDWIN:  Okay, well, let’s just drop it.  I’ve already had enough real deaths to dwell on, without obsessing on the near deaths too.

 

So while we’ve been back here in our rooms, Patrick has been staying with Isilien and Doan trying to get their gadget assembled.  The good news is that once it’s done, we don’t have to worry too much about tracking it down – we pretty much know that they’re going to plant it somewhere under the inn, which means the cellar, so once Isilien has had time to set it up, we can just get down there, take our readings, and high-tail it out of here.

Which, by the way, we can DO now, because while we were in our meeting, Mokvar managed to catch Tirion’s kid up in the lounge, got him playing with the frog formerly known as Faranell, and got the kid to agree to a trade for the shard.  Want to hear the funny part, by the way?  I got a kick out of this.  I guess when Mokvar first offered to trade with him for the frog, he started out by asking Taelan for the toy warhammer he’s always carrying around, and then let the kid talk him down to the shard.  I guess Mokvar figured if he came right out of the gate asking for the shard, the little snot-nose would be less likely to give it up.

Ideally I would have rather had the shard while we were in Isilien’s room, of course, but at this point it’s not worth running back in there and getting everybody’s guard up.  My guess is that they’re going to have the reliquary ready by the end of the night, tomorrow morning at the latest, and at that point we should be good to go.

It’s not easy being hexed

Posted in General, Transcripts with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on June 29, 2012 by Garrosh Hellscream

So credit where it’s due.  Mokvar came up with a winner of an idea to kill two birds with one stone.  Check this out: the reason he wanted The Noz and Chromie and what’s-her-face to enhance his hex spell is so he could use it on the YOUNG version of Faranell!  Now I know what you’re thinking – what the hell good does THAT do?  Well stay with me.

Liadrin stayed downstairs in the common room to watch for the Faranell brothers.  While she was there she got into a little small talk with Kelly, did a little smoothing over after our…um…incident.  You know, checking on how he was feeling since he seemed tired and delusional and shit, and reassuring him he didn’t have to worry about any livestock issues with us.  Our Faranell remembered that he and his brother had been out walking earlier in the day, and he gave us a ballpark figure on when they would be getting back.  More importantly, he remembered a window we would have to make our move.

Edwin and Patrick – the Faranells of this time period – came wandering into the inn right on schedule, and as they were making their way to the stairs, Kelly called to Patrick that a letter had been delivered for him.  Patrick went over to the counter to pick it up, and while he was reading the letter, Edwin stood around waiting for him at the base of the stairs.

That was our chance.  Mokvar had been waiting at the top of the stairs, and once Edwin was in position, Mokvar ran down to the first landing.  While Patrick was too busy going over his letter to pay attention to anything else, Mokvar got off his hex on Edwin, and POOF, frog.

As soon as the hex was cast, OUR Edwin ran down the stairs to step in where his younger self had been standing.  Mokvar and I both scrambled around like idiots trying to catch frog-Edwin, but after a few seconds, Patrick finished with his letter and looked back over our way, so Mokvar and Faranell started making like they were having a conversation at the base of the stairs, while I grabbed the frog and ran upstairs.

All of this was pretty much according to plan.  Mokvar had a brainstorm on a couple of levels with this scheme: first of all, if we keep younger Edwin hexed, and sub in our Edwin, that makes the problem of him accidentally crossing paths with himself way easier to keep under control.  And since older Edwin remembers everything he was supposed to have done and said right now – what with his supposed super-memory – he can just fill in for himself.  In the process, we free ourselves up a LOT to come and go as we need to, without worrying about running into Kel’Thuzad or Helcular on the one side or the Faranell brothers on the other.  And so we decided right off the top that once we made the switch, Edwin would introduce Mokvar to his brother as an old friend from Brill, just like he did with Kel’Thuzad, so we don’t have to be looking over our shoulders or juggling multiple cover stories.  Granted, Patrick had already met Mokvar once by this point, but that’s easy enough to play off as coincidence.

So as soon as Patrick spotted Mokvar “chatting” with his brother, they had their “oh hey, you know this guy too?” exchange, they all got to talking, and Mokvar “recognized” Liadrin and brought her in, so now everybody knows everybody mostly and we can stop fucking tiptoeing around like a teenager getting home three hours past curfew and sneaking a rebellious draenei girl into his room past his lightly sleeping Greatmother parents.  I mean who hasn’t been there, amirite?

So stop staring at me like that and just read the damn transcript.

 

LIADRIN:  So…Edwin – Edwin, isn’t it? – where did you say you were from?  Andorhal?

EDWIN:  No, that was Patrick.  I mean, Patrick’s the one from Andorhal, but yes, I’m Edwin.  I live up in Dalaran.

LIADRIN:  Ahh, it must be beautiful there.

PATRICK:  Have you ever been?

LIADRIN:  Not for quite some time.

PATRICK:  It’s definitely worth a visit if you get the chance.

LIADRIN:  So what brings you two down here?  I would think you’d have much more interesting things to do in Dalaran.

EDWIN:  Well, it’s nice to have a change of pace sometimes…

PATRICK:  In my case, I wanted to come visit Edwin for a bit before I head off to study in Silvermoon.

MOKVAR:  Ah okay.

LIADRIN:  I see.  What are you going to be studying?

PATRICK:  Alchemy, same as Edwin here.

EDWIN:  Well, except for how you’ve always been much better at it.

PATRICK:  Mostly alchemy, at least.  I’d like to work some more on the sciences in general.

Kelly brings several plates of food to the table.  Edwin starts in eating immediately, looking at a few bites thoughtfully while still holding them on his fork.

LIADRIN:  Thank you, Mr. Kelly.

MOKVAR:  Thanks.

EDWIN:  So, Patrick…

PATRICK:  Mmhmm?

Edwin stares at his food a moment before continuing haltingly.

EDWIN:  Who was…well…what was that letter you got?

PATRICK:  Oh, that?  Just an update from Emily.  Good news.  She just arrived and she’s getting settled in.

LIADRIN:  Emily?

EDWIN:  <gesturing to Liadrin matter-of-factly without looking up>  Patrick’s wife.

LIADRIN:  Oh, I didn’t know you were married.

MOKVAR:  Condolences.

LIADRIN:  Mokv—Movarius.

PATRICK:  <nodding>  Almost two years now.

LIADRIN:  You said she’s getting settled in – I assume she’s gone on ahead to Silvermoon?

Edwin shakes his head while poking at his food.

PATRICK:  Oh, no, she isn’t coming to Silvermoon too.  It’s just me going there.

LIADRIN:  Oh?  Why is that?

PATRICK:  Well, housing in Silvermoon isn’t cheap, especially for outsiders, and graduate students aren’t exactly rolling in money.

MOKVAR:  You’re going to be getting a doctorate, right?

PATRICK:  Cross fingers.

EDWIN:  You know you’ll be running the place within a semester, professor.

PATRICK:  <chuckles>  Whatever you say, uncle.  At any rate… Financially the easiest thing will be for me to stay in student housing while I’m there, and that’s not exactly luxurious.  So Emily’s going to stay with family while I’m studying.

EDWIN:  In Stratholme.

MOKVAR:  Stra— Oh.  It’s…nice there.

LIADRIN:  Yes… I, um, I suppose it’s close enough that you could still visit each other…

EDWIN:  I keep telling you, it’s silly to live apart for that long.  It’s not like you’re talking about just a couple months.

PATRICK:  Yes, yes, I know, how many times to we have to go through this?

LIADRIN:  I suppose it’s a fair point.  It does mean you’ll be apart for a few years at least.

PATRICK:  <shrugs>  I’m trying to think of it that this way – I’ll have that much more incentive to stay focused on my work and get finished quickly.  No outside distractions, just me and my research, and maybe in the process I can get done faster and start get established.

EDWIN:  Fine, don’t listen.

PATRICK:  I’d think you’d like the prospect of us stepping up the schedule, uncle.

MOKVAR:  Say…maybe I’m missing something, but why do you keep calling him that?  He’s your brother, isn’t he?

PATRICK:  Well, that’s what our mother keeps saying.  I don’t know if I’m convinced.  <smirks at Edwin for a moment>  Oh come on, smile a little.

EDWIN:  <still not looking up>  “Uncle” is just this little nickname Patrick’s had for me the last couple years.

PATRICK:  Basically as long as Emily and I have been talking about having a family.  My dear, morose brother here, kid-hater though he is, seems to like the prospect of being an uncle.

EDWIN:  I don’t hate kids.  <glances toward the upstairs>  Well, I don’t hate most kids.

LIADRIN:  Ah… So you were—are planning to have children, then, Patrick…

PATRICK:  <nods>  Hopefully.  Between you, me, and the walls, I’d rather like to have a couple sons.  <chuckles, then to Edwin>  Don’t let Emily hear that, I think she’d really like a little girl.  But I remember how much Dad seemed to enjoy himself with us.  Then again, he liked children.

EDWIN:  I like children perfectly well.  Just other people’s children.  I can play with them and be the cool uncle and all of that, and then give them back and be done without having to deal with the crying and the soiling themselves and the stabbing me in my sleep when they’re sixteen.

PATRICK:  Hence why you should be happy about me getting done with my degree sooner rather than later, uncle.

MOKVAR:  So you’re wanting to hold off on the family until after you’re done with your degree.

PATRICK:  It would be kind of crazy to do otherwise, really.  If we start having kids while I’m still working, either I’ll end up having a whole slew of new distractions from finishing with school, or I’d end up sticking poor Emily with all the work of taking care of them.  That would probably be the death of me.

Edwin cringes a little at the last sentence, which Liadrin seems to notice with concern.

LIADRIN:  Well then…I’m sure you know what’s best for you and your wife, Patrick…

PATRICK:  It’ll all work out in the end, I’m sure.  Anyway, I should write her a quick note back.  Shouldn’t you be going to see your Kirin Tor friend anyway, Edwin?

EDWIN:  My who?

PATRICK:  That fellow from Dalaran you’ve been taking those walks with.  Didn’t you say he wanted to talk with you about something else today?

EDWIN:  Did he?  That doesn’t… I mean, yes, yes I suppose so…

PATRICK:  I’ll be upstairs.  <stands up>  Movarius, good seeing you again… Lia, nice to meet you.

LIADRIN:  You as well, Patrick.

MOKVAR:  Take it easy, Patrick.

Patrick gives everyone a nod and wanders back up the stairs.

LIADRIN:  I’m sorry, Faranell.  I know this can’t be easy for you.

EDWIN:  Yeah, well…

MOKVAR:  I guess we should let you go do whatever you need to do with Kel’Thuzad…

EDWIN:  That’s the thing.  I shouldn’t be doing anything with him.

LIADRIN:  What do you mean?

EDWIN:  I remembered talking to Patrick about Emily moving to Stratholme when the letter arrived for him.  I remember pretty much every other conversation I had with him the rest of the way.  But I don’t remember seeing Kel’Thuzad again from this point.

MOKVAR:  Is that just another one of those things you seem to forget about?

EDWIN:  No, you’re not getting it.  It’s not that I might have seen him and I’ve forgotten.  I can remember every single thing I did the rest of the day today, and tomorrow, and the rest of this week.  I didn’t go to see Kel’Thuzad.  Yesterday was the last time I saw him for…well for weeks, actually.  There wasn’t any business about him wanting to see me again.

LIADRIN:  That’s…rather troubling.

EDWIN:  Nozdormu was right this morning.  Something’s going wrong with the timeline.  Somehow, something’s already changed because of us being here.

 

Because my life isn’t delightful enough right now, right?

Meanwhile, while all this happy news was happening, I was bringing frog-Edwin upstairs for the other part of Mokvar’s plan.  Here’s where the dude really got thinking outside the box.  He had figured, while we have this version of Faranell all frogged up, we can use him to kill two birds with one stone, because what better way to distract a snot-nosed kid from a shiny magic crystal that just sits there looking glowy, than with a real life hoppy potential pet?  Not that the little punk is going to KEEP Faranell forever, obviously, but if we give him the frog, Mokvar figures that should keep him distracted long enough for us to find where he has the chameleon shard, or maybe do a trade or something.  Anyway, it’s a possible way in without, you know, having to beat up a little kid.  Which I still say Chromie seemed a little creepy eager to do, gotta tell you.

So anyway, I brought the frog upstairs to see if we could do the switch, only Taelan was actually off in one of the rooms with Tirion.  So no opening to make the move there.  We’ll have to keep an eye out and try to jump in when we get the chance.  Probably will assign Mokvar to this job, since he can refresh the hex every so often if he needs to.  In the meantime, Faranell and Liadrin and I can be getting set for Isilien tonight.  With any luck things will start falling in our direction.  Not that we’ve had much luck so far, but at this point you have to figure the law of averages is starting to owe us.

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