Putting things into perspective

Understanding Autism in my Life

comedychick — Mon, 28 Aug 2017 20:35:16 GMT

This year has been a journey for me. I started writing this entry in May, but things have changed a lot even since then. I have a son who was singled out as having some behaviour issues in school, which I won’t go into detail about, but they led to us making doctor appointments, and getting referrals for autism evaluations. The process led to me receiving a greater understanding of what autism is, and everything that makes up a diagnosis. Oftentimes in the forms I had to fill out for him, I found myself thinking, “This sounds like me,” and “No wonder I didn’t think anything was unusual, because I’m the same way.” I learned that there’s likely a genetic component to autism, as it tends to run in families. So when my son was finally diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder at the end of March, I decided I was curious enough about myself to pursue an evaluation for myself.

It only took me two appointments with a new psychologist who specialises in autism to be told, “Yes, you’re clearly on the spectrum, and it’s fine for you to tell people that and talk about it if that’s something you’d like to do.” It likely helped that I’d compiled a list five and a half pages long of things I do or have experienced in my life that I thought may be linked to autism, over a range of the areas that make up the diagnosis, from social issues, to sensory ones, from my rigidity, to my obsessions. I’d always known about these things in my life, that had affected me; it just hadn’t occurred to me that I was so different from neurotypical that I was a different type of normal. When I received this news that I’m autistic, that’s how I viewed autism – because diagnosis now counts 1 in 68 people as somewhere on the spectrum. I don’t think autism is a bad thing, and having had it and managed to live okay all my life without knowing, I thought that it’s not necessarily a disability, though it could be, depending on where one falls on the spectrum. It’s just having a brain that processes information different from the “typical.” When I talked to my psychologist about this, he agreed that for me, it’s not a disability, and he found me very interesting because of how I’ve taught myself to adapt socially, and forced myself into situations that made me feel uncomfortable, despite my difficulties.

However, living with the knowledge that I am autistic for the last few months has changed my opinion, because now I’m noticing more the areas in which I am moderately disabled, and realised what I was actually fighting was internalised ableism, because I didn’t want to see myself as disabled. On my recent summer road trip, I didn’t drive at sunset/night until the end of the trip, when I had longer drives (El Paso to San Diego, and San Diego to Oakland). I knew I preferred not to drive at night, but I hadn’t understood exactly why until I had to do it on this trip. Here, I finally understood it’s because of my sensitivity to light. When there are particularly a lot of cars on the road, and I’m driving on highways at speeds that are 55+mi/hr, it’s a lot harder to see clearly, because the lights (headlights and tail lights) emit a beam several feet in diameter around the origin. Seeing that on dozens of cars on the road is almost sensory overload to the point I maybe shouldn’t be on the road (thankfully I’ve never been in an accident as a result, because I’m always an overly cautious driver anyway).

I have a number of similar examples that came up as I went through the process of realising I was autistic. I didn’t know sensory issues were part of autism until I kept getting asked if my son was sensitive to sound and touch. It even took me a while to realise he was sensitive to sounds, despite the fact some sounds would send him into a big fit. It was thinking about my son’s sensory issues, and those questions I kept getting asked, that led to me discovering my own sensory issues. See, as an adult, I’d adapted to avoid my sensory issues to the point that I didn’t have to think about them really. “Please don’t whistle because it hurts my ears,” was something I didn’t have to ask often. My aversion to touching raw meat – especially ground meat – was easily avoided when I could just peel the plastic off the meat and dump it into the pan to cook it. But I won’t make meat patties for burgers, because I don’t like how it feels. I’ll use a fork to mix ground meat and gravy when I’m making sausage rolls, and try not to touch any of the mixture when putting it on the pastry for the same reason. I’m constantly washing my hands in the kitchen when I’m cooking, whenever anything touches my hands. But it had never occurred to me until I was thinking about what could make me autistic that my aversion to those things was because of sensory issues. One night, after learning I’m autistic, I was in a bar having a conversation with people, and I was barely involved or focused on the conversation because the lighting and sound of the bar had put me into sensory overload, leading me to understand one of the reasons bars haven’t been the most comfortable places for me to meet and talk to people. It’s like my mind is awake to understanding more about how my body works now, and as a result, I’m struggling a lot more with issues I’d managed to adapt to and ignore in the past. I’m not sure the knowledge I’m autistic is better than when I was in the dark about it, even though technically I know it doesn’t change who I am as a person. I’ve always been this way. I was born autistic. I’ve always struggled with things. But right now, knowledge doesn’t feel like power.

I guess the major change in my life since I’ve learned I’m autistic is that, being public about it (I talked a lot about autism in the lead up to my psychologist appointments on Facebook, and after that, and then it was what I obsessively talked to people about in person a lot), I’ve given myself permission to actually lean in to my autistic behaviours rather than attempt to hide them all the time. I’ve cried more in public because I’m very emotionally sensitive and it can be very draining on me to try and hide that constantly. But it’s helped to be around friends who’ve helped me feel comfortable crying in public around them. On the other hand, it’s very easy for me to blame my autism for the things I can’t do. For example, I have a lot of amazing activist friends who will go out and march for the causes they believe in. They’re causes I agree with, and I’m always excited to see their participation, but at the same time, I wish large crowds didn’t send me into sensory overload so I could participate more, too. It’s not just the overwhelming sound. It’s the way my body processes empathy. I literally take on the emotions being experienced by those around me. This can be useful in times when I can’t read people’s facial expressions, but when I’m in large crowds experiencing strong emotions, it can be quite debilitating and/or overwhelming. My favourite example and experience with this, though, was when I was in Cape Town, South Africa the day Nelson Mandela passed away. When I walked past the town hall and encountered a group of South Africans singing and dancing to mourn his death. They weren’t crying; they sounded like they were celebrating his life. But being there, receiving their emotion into my body, I cried so hard just being amongst them.

This is one of the things I’m sure I experienced all my life, but had really learned to hide. One of the things I’d discussed with my psychologist was how, as a kid, I would get teased for being a “cry baby.” I likely seemed overly sensitive, and as a result of that, when I fractured my foot when I was younger, my parents thought I was fine because I always overreacted. I walked on that foot for a week before they took me to get it x-rayed. Not having any understanding of these sensitivities, and getting teased for them, likely also made my already difficult social issues ten times harder. I recalled for my psychiatrist an experience when I started high school. A friendly girl had seen me sitting on my own and invited me to join her group of friends. Part of me wanted to, but I didn’t go right away because I was so scared and unaware of how to socialise properly. There were a number of stupid and unconventional things I tried because of my lack of social skills in high school. Like, I couldn’t ask people directly for their phone number because I was too uncomfortable talking to people, so I’d use the phone book and look up their last name in it instead. And even after that, it was pretty rare for me to gather the courage to actually call it and talk to the person. One completely embarrassing example is when I anonymously wrote a letter (because I got his address from the phone book, too) to my then crush and told him to meet me somewhere, then when he and his friend showed up, I denied that I knew anything about it.

Though improv has helped me immensely when it comes to dealing with the social issues side of autism, the one note I would receive most from my director was “speak louder.” I’ve often had issues with people being able to hear me properly, and I’ve come to realise that it’s probably because of my sound sensitivity. When I speak at a volume that is “normal” to other people, in my ears, it sounds like I’m shouting. I don’t want to sound like I’m shouting. So this has been a struggle work past, and a hump I’ve yet to get over. On the other hand, I have a lot of autistic traits that are actually beneficial to being an improviser, which I can say because the things I get complimented on most in my performances are all things I do automatically because I’m autistic. Things like sharing my vulnerable side, because I don’t have the same sense of shame/boundaries that neurotypical people do, and as a result I talk about and say things those people are too afraid to say; or the same thing but with physical space – I’m not afraid to go up and touch people and make them uncomfortable to get an honest reaction out of them. I’m also often more emotional on stage, which brings a different life to shows that audiences often enjoy. I don’t just pretend to experience these emotions, either. I actually experience them in the moment. I’ve been trying to think about how I can teach people to improvise in the way I do, when it’s not something I’ve learned, just something I do. I like that people connect with it, and want to be able to help them open up in the same way.

I also recognise how incredibly fortunate I am to have found a psychologist who was able to put me on the spectrum after only two sessions with him. Women with autism are often under-diagnosed and not believed, in part because autism affects males and females in subtle and different ways, and most autism research has been done with males. It’s also a lot easier to diagnose children than adults (which is part of why I went in with examples of how I was as a child/teen). In the past, when I thought I had ADHD (which has some similarities with autism) instead, I was dismissed, not even being asked why I thought I was. I feel like there’s not enough awareness of autism in the field of psychologists for it to be recognised unless you see someone who actually specialises in autism like I did. The biggest relief that came with understanding, I think, was knowing where my history with depression and anxiety came from. It wasn’t my fault that I was born autistic, and could never figure out social norms.

Whilst the autism spectrum is an interesting place to learn I belong, I can really only talk about how my life is affected by it, not how autism affects everyone else on the spectrum. This comic does a much better job of explaining how vast the differences those on the spectrum are than I ever could, and there’s no sense in my detailing it over again. I do feel like I’ve surprised a few people when announcing I’m autistic, because the lack of understanding around what autism is, and also because of how I’ve managed to adapt to the world around me, so I’d figured out how to disguise, hide, or cope with many of my autistic traits so as to pass for “normal.” As a result of this surprise, though, I’d love to see greater understanding of autism, and a wider representation of the spectrum in the media. The limited representation tends to promote the idea of autistics being socially awkward male math geniuses, with not much else. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen any female autistic representation (unless it’s possible they just weren’t labelled as autistic). This may end up being my next writing endeavour, with my focus on expanding diversity. I’ve tended to steer clear of writing disabled characters, thinking I didn’t have the experience to write about them accurately (unlike my ability to write bisexual characters as a bi woman, and writing other ethnicities because I know a lot of people of other ethnicities), but now I know I was wrong about that. I know I can write autistic characters with accuracy, because I know what it’s like for both my son and myself to be autistic.

Commentary and Thoughts After Attending My First Supernatural Convention (Part 1)

comedychick — Wed, 07 Dec 2016 00:31:07 GMT

On September 26th, 2015, I got up on stage with my improv troupe, YUM, and delivered a 90 second monologue about how I’d bingewatched seven seasons of Supernatural in the previous five weeks (you can watch the clip below, if you’re interested).

I’d started out just wanting to catch up on the series before season 11 started, but that only required me to watch seasons 8-10. Watching them made me want to go back and revisit the series (and, okay, season 10 wasn’t available to buy yet when I finished season 9, so I started on season 1 again at that point). Though I’ve been a long time fan of the show, having started with season 1, episode 1, when it first aired in Australia, moving to Malaysia disrupted my ability to watch the series regularly. I only watched season 4 after I received it as a birthday present when I lived in Malaysia, and seasons 5-7 were watched when I first moved to the US once I had access to Netflix.

If you watched my monologue above, you can see that I was a bit embarrassed about my level of obsession with the show at the time. It’s not so much because I like the show, but because I watched so much of it in such a short period, and that it was affecting my creative motivation. I’m not embarrassed that it inspired the story I wrote for Marked by Scorn: An Anthology Featuring Non-Traditional Relationships, but I was embarrassed that part of my motivation for wanting to get more into acting was because I thought it would be awesome to a) be an actor on Supernatural and/or b) act opposite Jensen Ackles (Dean Winchester). As unrealistic as I know that desire is, my improv director and fellow troupe members encouraged me to go for it, asking, “Why not?” Why couldn’t that happen? Obviously people already saw something in my acting ability through my improv shows, and clearly I had the motivation to keep working on that.

Well, sure, but in the last year and a quarter, I’ve done a few things to go after my acting dreams (whether Supernatural related, or not — when I wasn’t constantly watching it, it was easier to let that go as my motivation). I took classes, like training with Michael Navarra at SF Acting Academy, and then five months training with Jeffrey Weissman. I did workshops with people who work in LA and came up to San Francisco. I submitted myself to roles, auditioned for some of them, and acted in my first ever student film, which I was fortunate enough to be cast the lead in. I had to turn down a last minute opportunity because I was unavailable for the role. I lost 40 pounds, and I dyed my hair back to my natural brown, all because I thought it would help me get more auditions. I went to networking events.

Along the way, I feel like I’ve made a few revelations.

I’m more of a personality than an “actor” or “improviser” or “writer” or whatever else it is that I do. I’m always going to do my best work when I’m working with a team of friends who understand me and want to work with me. When I was the lead in Go Your Own Way, I got a taste of what it feels like to be part of a film cast&crew family. I think this is a big part of the draw of Supernatural, because you can see what a tight nit and caring family they are. You see it in their interactions, and how dedicated they are to their fans, with their conventions and their campaigns. They care. And that’s the kind of thing I want to be part of. I’d rather work with people I like on projects that inspire me, for no pay, than go through the arduous audition process to try and get a part for something I’m not really interested in just so I can get a paycheck.

In improv, I have this. The community, the feeling like family, is a big part of why I’ve continued to follow that route and progress to the level of performing at festivals. I feel weird saying this, but this has been the year where I’ve had improv newcomers come and tell me they were fans of YUM, and my work, and they have said that a part of that has been because of how open and honest I am as a person and in my work on stage. I feel like I’ve had a very small-scale experience of what many of the Supernatural cast have — fans being able to connect on a more personal level. It certainly changes the appreciation for the person from more than just their work in their chosen craft. It’s an appreciation for their personality. The realisation that this person is human just like you are. I had a conversation with one of these “fans” (again, I still weird saying that, because to me it’s a developing friendship) somewhat recently about their feeling intimidated talking to other improvisers with a lot more experience than them, and the fear of not measuring up. And so I talked to them about my own experiences with feeling like that, and how I built up my confidence over time through working and training with more experienced people, so it led to a friendship.

And then I think about how I was at the San Francisco Supernatural convention this past weekend, and how different things were for me there. It’s been many, many years since I’ve been involved in any kind of fandom community. A Harry Potter one was probably the last, which I left probably back in 2009. Or it wound down. I don’t remember the details. Sure, it was post Supernatural starting, but I joined more for the community aspect than appreciation of fan works.

Attending the Supernatural convention alone and seeing so many people there with a friend, or groups of friends, gave me a greater understanding of what the SPN family community is like. How it’s helped many people find a sense of belonging, and working on various mental health issues. I found myself feeling a little envious that I’ve missed out on some of that because I’m not involved in fandom, and I choose to not make time for it because I have other things in my life that are more important to me. It’s not like I don’t have my own community, my own family. I just tend not to have friends that I talk with at length about the shows and movies I watch, or the books and graphic novels I read. I’ve found that, even though I can get really enthusiastic and excited about the things I’m interested in, I’m rarely able to convince people to take a chance on those interests themselves. I’m about as good at convincing people to watch popular things I like as I am at getting them to consume my creative outputs, which is to say it doesn’t happen very often. When I attended the convention, I thought the only Supernatural fans I knew were: my friend who was originally supposed to go with me, but thought she might have a work thing she’d have to attend; my husband’s girlfriend; and an Internet friend from way back who’s been to a ton of fan conventions over the years. I didn’t think I’d get much reaction posting about any of it on Facebook. That ended up not being the case, and I discovered a bunch of other people who liked the show, who I’d just had no idea were into it because I don’t talk about it that much. And even if some of the Facebook reactions I got weren’t from people who were fans of the show, it suggests that I also have a lot of friends who appreciate my ability to celebrate the things I like on Facebook.

I’m going to talk more about the actual convention when I write up a part 2 of this entry, but there are still some things that relate more closely with the thoughts I had here. Like, before I attended, I figured it’s so expensive, I’d only go to one Supernatural convention ever, because how could I justify spending that kind of money again, when I’ve already seen all the actors I like? I ended up snagging 6 different photo ops because I thought I wouldn’t have another chance to if I wasn’t going to attend another convention. But then actually being there, I felt the value. It made me want to go back. It made me want to connect with other people, even though I was too shy to really talk to anyone. I barely ever said more than thank you to the actors during the photo ops because I wanted to do the polite thing and not hold up the lines, as we were directed in the rules. I mean, I didn’t even introduce myself! I figured they see so many fans at these things, it’s not like they’d remember me anyway. Although I did comment to Rob Benedict, “I’m back again,” when I went for round two of the free Louden Swain autographs, so I could get my CDs signed. I was wearing the same red leather jacket so I thought he might’ve been able to recognise that, and maybe I was a little embarrassed to be doing that. Probably my favourite interaction with another fan was chatting to someone at the Random Acts booth while I made a birthday card. She commented on my “Emma Swan” jacket, and I fortunately knew she was referencing Once Upon a Time, because that’s one of the only other network TV shows I watch at the moment, and I got to comment on the fact I didn’t make that connection when buying the jacket, and I associate red leather jackets more with Buffy from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and it was just nice to be able to talk to someone who understood all of those references.

A lot of people do seem to return to these conventions, and I certainly got a taste as to why. There’s a part of me that feels a desire to be more of an unashamed fanatic. I don’t judge the way others celebrate their fandoms, but I think I do judge myself. It’s like, I’ll say something to myself to the effect of, “Why are you getting so worked up? They’re just people, just like you.” Or, “They’re never going to get to know you, so just admire them from afar; you don’t need to reach out, and they’re not going to want to be your friend if you’re an obsessive fangirl anyway.” Whether that’s true or not doesn’t matter. I’m a bit of an obsessive fangirl of improv rock group Oil in the Alley, but I worked my way to friendship with them, and worked on music videos with them. Granted, I was friends with one of them before I knew who they were, but they still appreciated me, and how much I celebrate and share their work. So, the point is, I could just be telling myself lies in order to make myself behave in a way that protects me from feeling judged rather than letting myself appreciate something the way I want to appreciate it. I know I’d like to attend another Supernatural convention. Maybe by the time I do, I’ll have worked out how to connect more with the rest of the community of fans. Because if there’s any fandom that really appreciates and caters to their fans, it’s Supernatural. That’s been obvious since as early as season 4, when the plotline of the Prophet writing the Supernatural books was introduced, and Sam and Dean discovered fanfiction written about them. Including the incestuous stuff. It’s the only show I’ve seen celebrate that side of fandom to that extent. Even without being involved in the fandom, the meta episodes like those are my favourites.

(Part 2 of my thoughts and commentary after the convention will be more focused on the events at the convention itself, and include the photos I got with the various cast members; I’ll post that sometime after I get the jpegs, which will be better than the scanned versions I currently have on Facebook).

Diversity and Emotional Connection with the Musical If/Then

comedychick — Mon, 30 Nov 2015 20:05:21 GMT

This post is part review, part personal commentary. I turned 32 yesterday, and my gift from my husband’s parents was a ticket to see If/Then at SHN Orpheum in San Francisco. I really enjoyed it, and it brought up a lot of reflection and thoughts for me, so I wanted to share some of them here. Please note that there may be some minor spoilers about the musical.

If/Then wasn’t like any other musical I’ve seen before (other professional musicals I’ve seen include Spamalot! and Avenue Q on Broadway, Wicked in London, and The Book of Mormon at the same theatre in San Francisco). It’s a modern day tale that, if any resemblance is possible, would be most similar to the Gwyneth Paltrow film Sliding Doors, both for their female protagonists, and their “what if?” story structure. They pick one point in the character’s life and how their life could drastically change depending on the choice that was made.

I didn’t know anything about the musical before I went to see it. I wanted to go because the protagonist, Elizabeth, was played by Idina Menzel. I quietly joked to myself on the way up from BART that it should be a musical about computer programmers due to the nature of if then statements when writing a program. An interesting side effect considering I haven’t had to do much computer programming for many years.

Whilst I didn’t know what I was getting into in seeing the musical, and reading the program for it at the start suggested they operated on Broadway at a loss, I really connected with the musical in a number of ways.

First I want to discuss the diversity, because that’s one of the major focuses of my blog. I really appreciated the ways they dealt with sexuality in the musical. One of the characters, Lucas, is bisexual. In one timestream, he sleeps with a woman, clearly in love with her, and in the other, he has a relationship with a man and clearly points out that he could go either way. However, his sexuality is not his defining trait, which is too often what happens with non-straight characters in fiction. It’s just a small part of who he is. The same can be said about the lesbian couple that feature in the musical. I truly felt like they were fully fleshed out characters rather than one-dimensional lesbians. One minor note about the treatment of bisexuality, however, is when ‘Liz’ makes a comment that she “[doesn’t] believe in bisexuals [and] they should just pick a side.” Lucas is her best friend; she should know better than that. Fortunately, I only heard one person in the entire audience cheer that line, so I like to think the rest of the audience know how bogus that is.

The other thing I appreciated about the diversity was the racial make up of the cast. I don’t know if this was a conscious choice within the script, a conscious choice in the casting process, or if they went with non-traditional casting. Either way, though, it was nice to see a racially diverse cast in such strong roles, and for their race to not need to be called out. The African American characters in particular had very important careers, and so I appreciated that they did not have to play into negative stereotypes.

In the musical’s program, I read that the writer wanted his audience to really think about their own “what if?” moments in life, and how things have worked out for them, and that was certainly true for me. I don’t know how differently I’d have watched it had it not been November, when I’ve already been reflecting on a friendship I regret to have lost because November is pretty much the month we truly became friends. In some ways I felt like I could relate to Lucas with the ‘Beth’ timeline. Not simply because of his bisexuality, but in the difficulty he had sharing his vulnerability with her, and her ultimate rejection of him. And, later on, revealing that they had not communicated for years before finally seeing each other again.

It’s hard to be that vulnerable with someone who doesn’t seem as strongly influenced by a friendship that you are. To admit to someone how much they meant to you. How much they still mean to you, despite all efforts to move on.

I haven’t thought much about that person from my past in the last several months because cutting contact with me seemed to be a clear indication that they had no interest in trying to fix our friendship, or forgive me for my regrettable behaviour when I suffered too much from depression and anxiety. I don’t blame those illnesses. I still made the bad choices I did, even when I was influenced by them.

There’s a part of me that wants to try and reach out again. Could my former friend have had enough time to heal over more than a year? On the other hand, I don’t want to risk interrupting what is probably a perfectly good life for them now, without me in it. I have this belief that they’re not the kind of person who would reach out to me if they missed me, but I’m also afraid to take that vulnerable step toward rebuilding a friendship with someone when all signs suggest they don’t want me to. Just because I’ve managed to bridge the gap with one of my other important friendships in the past, where we were able to rebuild trust and regain what we had, doesn’t mean I’d be able to make the same thing happen again.

So as November passes into December, I hope I will be able to move on again, as I did before, and just reflect on those “what ifs?” when I’m confronted by them in the media I consume. Theatre. Movies. Music. It didn’t help that this former friend explicitly mentioned Sliding Doors in one conversation we had about the coincidences and choices within our friendship. But I will move on again.

Anyway, that’s enough reflecting about that. There were also ways I connected with Elizabeth. So many moments that felt so real, and the ultimate question of “Can women really have it all?” It seemed that in one timeline, she was able to have a successful career, but failed in love, but the opposite was true in the second timeline. Was she happier in one or the other? No, she had ups and downs in both. They were simply different. Different positives, different negatives, such that you couldn’t make an objective comparison as to which life was better. Does that mean we should just be happy with what life throws us? Not necessarily. There are still choices. Whilst there was only one moment that split the timelines, there were several other moments open to “what if?” questioning. Other possibilities. I do think that we are ultimately responsible for the choices we make, and too often we put the outcomes in the hands of fate, or blame other people for what we’ve chosen to do, or not chosen to do, as the case may be. I know I’ve done that. There are many choices from my past that could have led me down a completely different path than I’m on now, but it’s also been interesting to wonder how much fate has had a hand in it. Opportunities falling through, only to present themselves again later, in a better way.

I make more active choices in my life now than I ever have before. It’s how I’ve managed to continue with improv as long as I have, and gained the courage to move into acting. But I’m not immune to having my choices affect other people. I might have to make choices for myself that inevitably hurts someone I care about. Perhaps that’s what my former friend had to do with me, when they chose to cut contact. But I hope if I have to do that again in the future, it’s done out of love rather than fear. The problem with being a writer is that I will often consider things from so many different angles that it can then be confusing to understand my motivation behind anything.

All in all, I thought If/Then was a very emotionally engaging musical. There were several moments I found tears streaming down my face. It’s still playing in San Francisco for a few more days, so if you have the chance to go, I recommend it. If you’re not in San Francisco, if it does come to your city, hopefully you can see it too.

A Rare Commentary from Me About Vitriol Directed Toward Muslims

comedychick — Wed, 18 Nov 2015 01:43:55 GMT

When terrorist attacks occur in Western countries, Westerners can be quick to respond with vitriol and hatred directed at Muslims, whether or not the attack has yet been confirmed carried out by people who identify as Muslim. I don’t know what it was like before September 11, 2001, because I was only 17 then, and not yet aware of the worldwide political landscape. The World Trade Center attack was a wake-up call for many, as it was me. I watched it live purely because it interrupted whatever comedy programme I was watching at the time it started. What I can say is that I’ve noticed attitudes towards “others,” especially Muslims, seems to have gotten steadily worse since then, especially with the rise of social media.

I generally don’t step up to talk about these issues. Part of it is about wanting to keep the peace, though I know where I stand on the issues, I don’t wish to fight with people who disagree with me on them. I also often don’t feel I know enough to make comment, and that there are many more people with a more personal understanding of the situations who are better suited to speak up. I believe it is better to listen to the stories of the people who have first-hand experience with things, rather than having those stories filtered through someone who does not. I cannot begin to fathom the true sense of loss and pain suffered by those who have experienced the violence of terrorism. I have never lost someone that way.

Having said that, I’m tired of reading hatred spewed online, filling up small sections of my Facebook news feed. I am lucky that I don’t have very many Facebook friends who believe all Muslims are evil, but the fact is I have still seen it. I’ve never felt like I could argue with someone who believes such things, so I never spoke up. But I’m sick and tired of that attitude, and I want to say something now.

I lived in a predominantly-Muslim country for over five and a half years. In my experience, the attacks they get in Western culture is unwarranted. Those who I know personally who identify as Muslim enjoy the same things we do. They just want to go about their lives the same way we do. They’re not violent people, on the whole. I’m sick of seeing people blame the violence and terrorism on an entire religion. This video sums up much better than I can about why I think it’d ridiculous to lump every Muslim into one category. There are a lot of Muslim countries in the world. They are not all suffering from the threat of ISIS. Even in the Middle East, The Queen of Jordan has said there is nothing Islamic about ISIS. And getting people in Western countries to fear Muslims is exactly what ISIS wants.

I wish there was a simple way to get people to choose love and compassion over fear and hate. Though I don’t consider myself religious, I was raised Catholic, and I still believe in the compassionate teachings of Jesus and the Bible. Love thy neighbour. My understanding of most major religions is that we should be compassionate to all, not just those who look like we do, and believe the same things. This is true of Islam as much as it is Christianity. I’ve learned this through knowing people who are Muslim. I do my best to avoid poor mass media representations of them, because personal experience with actually meeting them and listening to them should trump that.

Now, I understand the difficulty with that, I do. I’m guilty of not taking the time to ask people questions about their experiences because I’m afraid of saying something offensive. But that doesn’t stop me from reading about their experiences online, where they have made the effort to be heard. That doesn’t stop me from being friends with them and understanding their character, finding what we have in common, outside of religion. Because religious beliefs will always only be one aspect of who a person is anyway.

Not everyone will be open enough to talk about their experiences, but we can always listen to the ones who are. About a year and a half ago, perhaps a little longer, when I still lived in Malaysia, my eldest son’s best school friend came from an Iraqi refugee family. I took my son to visit him one afternoon, and stayed. I got to talk to his parents, but mostly I just listened. I listened to their stories of how Iraq was once a more open country, where Muslims and Christians lived side-by-side in peace. I listened to the pain they felt when they started to see their country change, and the moment where Muslim was pitted against Muslim, slaughtering each other in the street, solidifying for them that it was time to flee their home. I learned about how their family is now spread across several countries around the world, and I felt the pain of being separated by that distance. But they were the lucky ones. They got out. They survived.

I support the idea of letting refugees in. The argument of it being a risk and allowing the terrorists in is ridiculous, because if the terrorists want in, they’ll get in regardless. They will find a way. I would like to think that standing with these people, allowing them into our schools, will create a better understanding of what they have been through. More compassion. When they stand among us, we won’t have to give in to the fear created by the media, because we will personally know these “other” people and know that the media is lying to us. The media should not control us like that, and we have the power to stop it.

Because they are just like us. Their children are just like our children. I am proud of the fact that my kids go to a school with mixed ethnicities and religions. A couple of weeks ago, I chaperoned four kids for my 3rd grader’s field trip. My son was one of them. One of them was a Muslim girl, and the other two were Hispanic kids. They all behaved the same way. Childhood innocence. But who they grow up to be will depend a lot on how they are treated by those who don’t look like them. I wish they could grow up in a world where they had the same privileges my son does. I wish they could grow up in a world that will treat them with the respect they deserve. But I’m afraid with the attitudes I see around the world, that dream is too far to grasp.

The media needs to do a better job of shaping our positive attitudes towards “other.” I do what I can with the anthologies I publish, but I’m only a small independent publisher, and what I release doesn’t have the wide audience it deserves to have. But I still do my best to make those voices heard. In my last anthology, that included a story about a grieving Muslim mother, experiencing loss the same way anyone else would. In the anthology I’m working on now, there’s a story about the difficulty of being gay and Muslim. Both of these pieces were included because I really feel it’s important for people to see the similarities of their experiences, rather than the differences.

We are all human.

It’s time to stop being scared of people just because you don’t personally know anyone who fits into a particular race or religion. The majority of them are not like their negative portrayals in the media.

Words of Wisdom from Old Scottish Men

comedychick — Mon, 16 Nov 2015 23:47:28 GMT

Last week, my friend Able Christian and I recorded a bunch of webcam webisodes of the two old Scottish men characters we’ve been messing around with for months. The basis for these characters started when we were at a birthday party for Leela’s Artistic Director Jill Eickmann. It was a fun night of dancing and drinking, but as the night progressed, I found myself feeling way older than my 31 years, and had to sit down due to a pain in my knee. Able came over to see what that was about.

I can’t remember who started the voices between the two of us, but my feeling old certainly justified some old voices and back and forth between us. There were a lot of drinks with ice and straws, which led to us complaining about the lack of people drinking “real drinks,” and the characters just grew from there. Pretty much any time we’ve gotten together at a bar, and sometimes other places, we just fall into these characters conversing about issues that are important to them. Most often, drinking, and “young people these days.”

We’ve been talking for months about recording the characters. At some point, we’d like to produce some high production quality videos with them. But for now, we were lucky to have time to record direct to YouTube on my camera a few videos that really capture the spirit of the conversations we’ve been having as the newly named Alec Ainsley and Hamish MacAdam over the last few months.

All of the videos are available below, starting with the first one, which should continue through the relevant playlist on YouTube.

Able and I perform together as part of the only LGBT improv troupe in the Bay Area, LiGhtBrighT, as well as separately in Leela’s performing improv ensembles, Marjorie’s Mask (Able) and YUM! (me).

Both of these Leela troupes will be performing on the same bill this Saturday at 8pm at the 9th St Independent Film Center in San Francisco, headlined by duo Pamela and Dave. For more information visit the Facebook event page. Tickets are available in advance on Eventbrite.

My First Experiences Being Part of an Improv Troupe

comedychick — Mon, 08 Jun 2015 22:26:33 GMT

YUM! cast members, from L to R: Dillon Thomas, Heather Field, Hemant Sharma,
Adrian Bosada, Jean Nachiwala, Casey Trujillo, Nilay Shah, Dominica Malcolm
Photo by Michael Astrauskas

Since my last update about my first 8 months in the San Francisco Bay Area, I’ve been getting even more involved in the improv scene. In that post, I wrote about wanting to audition for Leela’s PIE program, and that their PIE group YUM! had been one of the first groups I saw in San Francisco, before I even knew about Leela.

Though I hadn’t had the requisite Improv III class under my belt, I auditioned with Leela at the end of March, and was subsequently cast in YUM!, much to my surprise and delight! I was able to take the Improv III class in the lead up to our first show, whilst also rehearsing weekly with the latest cast (pictured above), as well as going to weekly duo classes with a separate partner, Syeda Huq. Whilst I am still going to these duo classes and YUM! rehearsals, I wanted to write a bit about my experiences with YUM!, as it’s really had a profound effect on my life. Then, at the end of this post, you’ll have the chance to watch us in action, as our first show was uploaded to YouTube.

YUM! Photo by Michael Astrauskas

The thing that has struck me most about working with YUM has been the level of support I’ve received from my fellow troupe members. I was particularly touched by how Adrian and Dillon — the only remaining members from the troupe as I first saw them last year — supported me when I participated in the Lady jam at the end of the Femprovisor Festival in May, before I’d had a show with them. Heck, we’d only had two rehearsals together by that point. It’s really meant a lot to me to have felt welcomed by those I see as being far more experienced than myself. Especially since I could probably have described myself as being a fangirl for YUM! once I’d seen them perform for the first time. I’m pretty sure they were on the line-up for the first Leela show I went to, and why I’d dragged myself out to see it.

We’ve been connecting really well together, and I feel like our current format with truthful monologues has really allowed us to bond and trust each other quicker than we might have otherwise. Of course, the atmosphere of Leela in general also lends itself to that truthful fun.

Immediately following our first show, or rather the morning after, we were able to gather together for a group retreat, which took place at Six Flags Discovery Kingdom, followed by spending the night at Dillon’s place, where half of us stayed up until 6am. Words cannot really express how incredible of an experience it all was, but it certainly helped us feel closer to each other. We’ve found in-jokes and catch phrases, that in part came out of our first show, and has just continued to grow.

YUM! at Six Flags Discovery Kingdom

After barely two hours sleep (for me — the others who stayed up until 6am with me seemed to get a little more sleep than I did), we snuggled up with each other on Dillon’s bed and an air mattress to have a last minute discussion on what our photo shoot would entail, as we were scheduled for a session at 1:30pm. A couple of us didn’t really have time to go home due to the distance we lived from Dillon’s place and San Francisco, so that factored into things. I ended up having to rush to a clothing store with Adrian once we arrived in San Francisco, and we were lucky I found an outfit that fit with our plan for “scholarly look” on the clearance rack in only a couple of minutes, and that it fit perfectly once I tried it on. Meanwhile, Jean drove Casey, Hemant and Nilay back to San Francisco, and they’d been tasked with getting dictionaries for the shoot, but when they couldn’t find enough, ended up getting Dr Seuss books, which we all decided via whatsapp actually worked even better for us. It blows me away just how easily everything has come together for us. I don’t think I’ve ever felt more connected with a group of people than I do with YUM!.

All up, I just feel so incredibly lucky to be working with such a talented, open, and honest group of people. Our director, too — Christopher DeJong — has been great. He’s really encouraged us to open up with our truths, and dig deep with our emotional vulnerability. The exercises he’s given us during rehearsal have been great to help us focus on the things that we as a group have decided we want to work on, and I think that’s a really important attribute to have as a director.

So, now, feel free to watch our first show!

Our next shows with this current cast are on June 13th, along with Sketchy Alley and Couples Counseling, and June 27th alongside That One Troupe and Sketchy Alley. Both shows are at the Ninth St Independent Film Center in San Francisco, starting at 8pm.

Tickets are available online for $15 or $20 at the door. See Eventbrite for the tickets: June 13 and June 27.

Launching Amok (Asia-Pacific Speculative Fiction), and Crowdfunding for Solarwyrm

comedychick — Sat, 22 Feb 2014 05:03:53 GMT

If you’re not already aware, the main project I’ve been working on for the last few months is Amok: An Anthology of Asia-Pacific Speculative Fiction. Submissions closed November 30th last year, and I finished reading through them all by the beginning of this year.

I’m now at the stage of having the proof copy in my hands within the next week, and so I think it’s time I talk a bit about it here.

First of all, the stunning cover was illustrated by Jun Hun Yap. I had a great time working with him and highly recommend him if you’re looking for an artist yourself. Check it out:

Now let me tell you a bit about my motivations behind developing this anthology. If you’ve been following my blog, you’ll know that I write a bit about diversity in the media, or lackthereof. I thought, rather than complaining about the lack of diversity, why don’t I actually create something that represents what I want to see more of? And so came Amok.

Speculative fiction is the genre I’m most drawn to these days, both as a reader and a writer, and so it just made the most sense for me to focus the anthology there. I generally define the genre as real world settings with elements of science-fiction, fantasy, or horror. A nice mix of the real and unreal.

When it came to the selection process, I knew that the Asia-Pacific region would help me with the racial diversity I was looking for. I was also looking for diversity in the areas of sexuality, religion, gender, age, and ability. I was really lucky that I got submissions that represented all of these, though some areas were limited, and I particularly wanted more LGBT stories than I’d received. I ended up writing a story to fill the gap I felt had been missing from submissions, picking a location that no submissions had been set in (South Korea), and adding a non-traditional relationship to the mix.

I was able to include most of the settings that I received submissions for. Aside from my South Korea story, you will also find stories set in Australia (3), China (2), Hawaii (2), Hong Kong (1), India (1), Indonesia (1), Japan (2), Malaysia (4), New Zealand (1), Pacific Ocean (2), Philippines (2), Singapore (1), Thailand & Vietnam (1).

You may note that Malaysia and Australia have the most stories, and that would be because they had the most submissions, with a grand total of 13 for Malaysia and 12 for Australia. Limiting those stories was one of the hardest tasks because the quality was so great, and so sometimes it came down to the type of diversity in the stories themselves. In the Australian stories, there’s one with disabled children, one that includes an Aboriginal woman, and the final one has a single mother protagonist. The Malaysian stories are almost as racially diverse as the country and focus on different aspects of the culture I’ve grown familiar with in the last five years. I really wanted to showcase that diversity, and judging by the reviews so far, people have been impressed with the Malaysian stories.

The Reviews

“No messing around here. You MUST read this book as soon as it comes out. Anyone who likes anything even slightly science fiction will ADORE these stories.” — Read the full review by K.C. Finn

“I have to say that Amok is the most satisfying anthology I have read in years, and it will stay with me for a long time.” — Read the full review by Rumaizah Bakar

“[I]f like me you’re the kind of adult who still requires a story or two at bedtime, these will do nicely. If you’re a reader of Asian-American fiction or Hyphen magazine, you might be looking for just this kind of book.” — Read the full review at Books and Cleverness

The Blurb

In an anthology that spans from India in the west to Hawai‛i in the east, and as far south as Australia and New Zealand, 24 authors bring you an exciting range of tales set in the past, present, and future.

Discover characters like the Moon Rabbit from Chinese mythology, a kitsune from Japanese mythology, and the aswang from Filipino mythology.

Find out what arises when a struggling Malaysian student seeks help for her studies in Chinatown, and what happens when the garbage in the Pacific Ocean is seen as a valuable treasure.

Futures imagined stretch from amazing advances in technology to depressing dystopias.

Read these stories and so many more in Amok: An Anthology of Asia-Pacific Speculative Fiction.

Featuring stories by:

Brett Adams, Jo Wu, Kris Williamson, Recle Etino Vibal, Tabitha Sin, Ailia Hopkins, KZ Morano, TR Napper, Terence Toh, Kawika Guillermo, Barry Rosenberg, Eeleen Lee, Jax Goss, Jo Thomas, Daniel A. Kelin II, Fadzlishah Johanabas, Shenoa Carroll-Bradd, Dominica Malcolm, Aashika Nair, Celeste A. Peters, Agnes Ong, Rebecca Freeman, NJ Magas, and Tom Barlow

The Campaign

As with Solarwyrm Press’ previous books, we are crowdfunding again. Amok is actually one of two anthologies we’re releasing at the same time. The other one is Allusions of Innocence, edited by Jax Goss, who previously edited our first anthology, Fae Fatales. Though the official release date for these books is April 30th, you’ll be able to get them early by ordering them through the campaign.

Click here for the campaign on Indiegogo.

We are also coincidentally running the campaign at the same time Indiegogo is promoting campaigns that empower women for International Women’s Day next month. What this means is that, since we’re included in that, Indiegogo will give us $1 for every $25 raised on March 3rd. That doesn’t mean you should wait until then to buy a book or two. We’ve already gotten off to a great start with orders, but the amount we actually need in order to pay everyone who was involved in the books is a lot higher than the goal we set. We just set the goal low because we wanted to be able to get the books to people regardless of how much money we made from the campaign. That means every dollar we receive makes a difference!

Right now the rewards are limited mostly to the new anthologies and our back catalogue (including my novel, Adrift). However, if you love the book cover(s), I will most likely be adding a t-shirt reward in the next week, if you’d like to pick up a t-shirt with one of the book covers printed on it!

It would be awesome if you can help us spread the word about the campaign and the books. And if you can contribute by buying something, even better!

Originally published at Dominica Malcolm

Adrift is finally in my hands… and new ways to get it in yours!

comedychick — Mon, 19 Aug 2013 11:15:57 GMT

Getting to this point has been a long and sometimes emotionally difficult road. I wasn’t sure how I was going to feel once I finally held my novel in my hands. Creating the ebook files was almost too easy for me, with my background in Internet Computing. It didn’t quite feel real then. And whilst battling with depression, I thought there was a strong possibility that I wasn’t going to feel anything.

Thankfully I was proven wrong by that. In one of my more obvious narcissistic tendencies, on the day the book arrived, I kept looking at it, admiring my work, from the cover design, to the formatting inside. Then I’d look at how thick it is and think, “Wow, did I really write that much?”

I’ve been working hard on sorting out the Indiegogo perks, looking at sales avenues, and various marketing opportunities, over the last few days. I got to be a guest on a new podcast, which will go live on September 20. That was a lot of fun to do. Go check out Stark Raven Mad Radio to see what it’s all about!

Now to let you know what else is happening with the book.

I set up a pre-order for the ebook, and PayPal “buy now” options to order it direct through me. If anyone orders it via the PayPal links before the release date, I’ll try and get them sent off early. While I’m travelling until Sept 1st, I may not be able to get those orders organised until I return, but I can do my best to try. You can check out those options here, or you can wait until the official release date (September 19) to buy it direct from Amazon and other locations.

I’m also running a giveaway on Goodreads right now! 3 paperbacks are up for grabs, so feel free to check that out! That’ll end on the release date.

</p>

Goodreads Book Giveaway

Adrift

by Dominica Malcolm

Giveaway ends September 19, 2013.

See the giveaway details
at Goodreads.

</p>

Enter to win

Originally published at Dominica Malcolm

Highlighting Jax Goss

comedychick — Mon, 08 Jul 2013 01:16:42 GMT

Meet Jax Goss: South African born, New Zealand based writer. She’s the instigator behind Solarwyrm Press, which recently released its first book, Fae Fatales: A Fantasy Noir Anthology. Prior to starting up Solarwyrm, Jax won a highly commended award for her short story “Icarus” from Commonwealth Writers, and published a collection of shorts in The Edge of the Map.

Since I finally got around to reading The Edge of the Map whilst in India, and Jax has been keeping busy with Solarwyrm projects, I thought now would be a great time to feature her here. You can find my review of her book on Goodreads, but for now, I asked Jax a few questions.

In your mind, what sums up your style of writing?

I write a lot of speculative fiction. I think, probably because it’s what I prefer, my writing is very character-based. My stories often start with a character, and then I build from there. My first question is almost always “Who is this person?”. Of course, the ‘person’ might be a mole, or a building, or anything. But the character is the important thing.

Tell us a little about the diversity in Fae Fatales.

The diversity is possibly the thing I am proudest of about Fae Fatales. I didn’t set out to make a diverse anthology, not explicitly, anyway. But there are multiple characters who break the cis-hetero-white-male mould. There are multiple LGBT characters in the anthology, and several characters of colour. I’m not sure if it is something about the genre that draws that out, or whether it speaks to the kinds of writers that are drawn to something like Solarwyrm (which is a tad left-field), but it made me very, very happy to not even consciously try and achieve that kind of diversity.

As well as the diversity within the stories, our writers and artists came from all across the globe, from Qatar, to New Zealand, to Italy, to the States. That’s also exciting for me, especially since it is relatively recently that that was even possible.

As an anthology editor, what sorts of things do you like to see in the writing you receive?

The most important thing is difference. That’s a really difficult thing to pinpoint, I think, but what I am looking for is something twisty, something unpredictable. I have an MA in narrative theory, so it is rare for a story to surprise me – if you can pull that off it goes a long, long way.

Another thing vital for me is character. I love character-driven stories, and so I am drawn to interesting and well-developed characters. This is not always easy to do in a short story, so when an author succeeds, it is always very notable.

Jax is currently looking for submissions to her next anthology, which is seeking stories about precocious children in adult fiction. You can find the details on the Solarwyrm web site.

Pick up The Edge of the Map:

eBook on Smashwords (you set the price)

Print copy from Amazon

Pick up Fae Fatales: A Fantasy Noir Anthology

Black & white edition on Amazon

Full colour edition on Amazon

Kindle ebook on Amazon

ebook on Smashwords

To learn more about and follow Jax Goss, look her up on her web site, Facebook, and Twitter. You can also follow Solarwyrm Press on their web site and Facebook.

Originally published at Dominica Malcolm

Art for “Siren” by Grace Jensen

comedychick — Mon, 03 Jun 2013 02:30:57 GMT

Now that it’s been officially revealed over at Solarwyrm Press, I want to share with you the art that was commissioned for my short story Siren, published in Fae Fatales: A Fantasy Noir Anthology.

Pictured in the image are two of my characters, Anthony Kaihoʻi and Prudence, a mermaid I have written about in several stories.

The art was done by Grace Jensen, and she was great to work with. I’d highly recommend her if you’re looking for someone to do similar art for you. For the rest of the pictures that were commissioned for the anthology, please check out the Solarwyrm web site.

Originally published at Dominica Malcolm

Clearing out my flist

comedychick — Sat, 18 May 2013 14:07:16 GMT

There were/are a lot of people on my flist who I haven't seen on LJ for ages (months, possibly even years). I feel like we've either lost touch with each other and/or there's probably little chance of us (re-)connecting. I went and dropped a bunch of these people, and most of the ones who dropped me first. I probably could've dropped more; maybe I'll keep going. I might decide to drop some other journals if I feel like I haven't connected with them since adding them.

I'm just closing myself off a lot on LJ at the moment, but if anyone I've dropped happens to notice and still wants to keep up with me, you can do so with my public posts on my blog instead.

Down to the final two days of crowdfunding for Fae Fatales

comedychick — Thu, 11 Apr 2013 07:37:00 GMT

This will probably be my last update on Fae Fatales: A Fantasy Noir Anthology before the campaign comes to a close. As I write this, the page on Indiegogo says there are 48 hours left.

For the final stretch, Jax has announced two more artists, and hopefully at least two more will follow, as we already have enough funding for them and one has confirmed. She also separately announced that she has an additional offer for anyone who has contributed to the campaign, including those who contributed at the $1 raffle level. I love seeing bonuses for backers that aren’t available any other way. It’s a great way of saying thank you to our supporters.

Additionally, I will be writing a short story dedicated to Jamie Bekkers, who pushed us to the magic “we can pay for half the artists we want” mark. This will be another mermaid story about Prudence, as featured in my stories in Fae Fatales and Plunge Magazine. Jamie chose 2020 as the year for me to set the story, so I’m looking forward to writing that. Though I will be publishing this story for free on my blog, the plan is to also have it ready in time to provide as another bonus for everyone who has contributed to the Indiegogo campaign.

48 hours to go. $255 to take us to being able to pay 4 more artists, so everyone who has ordered the physical copy of the book through Indiegogo will get 10 bonus postcards (rather than the current 6). We only need to sell 10 more physical books, and an ebook (or 5 raffle tickets) to get there. Here’s that link again in case you want to be part of it.

If you can think of any other bonuses you’d like to see from me that I can give to all our backers for free, I’d love to hear from you. I really want to thank everyone for all their support thus far in the best way I can.

Originally published at Dominica Malcolm

An update on Fae Fatales

comedychick — Thu, 04 Apr 2013 03:00:40 GMT

If you follow me on Facebook or Twitter then you may be aware that Fae Fatales: A Fantasy Noir Anthology already reached its primary funding goal. This means the book is definitely happening, and everyone who has contributed through the Indiegogo campaign will get their copy of the book. It reached the goal less than halfway through.

Since then, Jax Goss announced that she was increasing the goal to $2160 in order to commission 10 artists, one for each of the stories, so she can send out a collection of postcards to everyone who orders the book through Indiegogo. But she’s not waiting until the book reaches that goal — she’ll have one new artist for every $66 over the goal it goes. As I write this, we have enough for three artists, all of which have been assigned. However, the call for artists is still open, so if you are an artist or know someone who is, check that out on the Solarwyrm web site.

Since it’s also been publicly announced now, I can also tell you that I was fortunate enough to have been the lucky writer who was assigned the first artist to a story. That means if you pre-order a physical copy of the book on Indiegogo before April 12th, you will at the very least get a postcard with a picture that accompanies my story, Siren (plus at least two more).

So who is my artist? Grace Jensen (That’s a link to her online portfolio so you can check it out). I really liked the art on her portfolio, and have already seen her draft black and white drawing. I love it already, and can’t wait to see it in colour! Here’s what she had to say about my story: “Siren is beautifully written and the suspense is enthralling. (I tip my hat to the author!)”

The other artist presently announced is Ashley Frary, who I’d recommended because I adored the work she had contributed to Plunge Magazine.

Word is getting around about the anthology too:

On Tuesday Fae Fatales was mentioned on Plunge Magazine’s Tumblr, which is used for their news, because I was one of their first writers.

Today, Kristen Duvall interviewed me about crowdfunding, Fae Fatales, Solarwyrm, and me.

We’re now sitting at 61 contributors and $1748. That’s $16 away from funding our 4th artist. Will you help us get there?

Also, if you’re not already following us on Facebook, Fae Fatales and Solarwyrm Press both have Facebook pages. They’re great places to be to follow all the latest news.

Originally published at Dominica Malcolm

Crowdfunding Promotion and Tips

comedychick — Wed, 27 Mar 2013 03:10:45 GMT

I’m going to try combining a couple of posts I want to make here, since they’re both about crowdfunding. Don’t worry, I’ll save you from most of the spiel about the one I’m part of at the moment because I already have two posts about that one.

Instead, I want to draw your attention to some other campaigns that are running right now. I’ll also weave through a bit of my commentary about why I supported them, and/or why they’re good examples of crowdfunding campaigns.

But first! Why do I support crowdfunding?

Artists have to start somewhere to get their name out there. It makes me feel good to support projects that might not otherwise go ahead. It allows me to enjoy music, films, writing and other art that may not yet be accepted by the big companies because they’re not mainstream enough or deemed too risky to back in case it doesn’t make money. Or not letting those same companies stifle the artist’s creative control. It’s about having a say in what type of media I want to consume, and connecting with other artists like myself. Those who are creating the same sorts of things I am, and sharing ideas. It’s a way of reaching out and finding a wider audience for your work through social media that you might not otherwise get if you were completely self-funded. It’s a way to personally say to someone, “Hey, I like what you’re doing, keep at it!” that cannot be mistaken as just empty words. As the saying goes, put your money where your mouth is.

Some current crowdfunding campaigns I want to draw your attention to:

Twinsies Volume II

I’m not backing this one because I was an early enough fan of the Universe of One project that I got to back the first one. Hawaii based photographer Cheyne Gallarde put together a collection of self-portraits where he looked like other people. Through his first Kickstarter campaign, that included dressing up as many of the backers. Here he is as me, dressed up as my pirate character Jaclyn Rousseau. Through word of mouth, his project grew in popularity, and was even featured on The Huffington Post. Because it grew in popularity, Cheyne decided to run another campaign to do it all over again, for folks who either didn’t know about it or weren’t able to contribute the first time around. I really love this project, and I think it’s great value.

Crowdfunding site: Kickstarter

Deadline: Wednesday Apr 24, 8:48pm US EDT/Thursday Apr 25, 10:48am AEST

Long Hidden: Speculative Fiction From the Margins of History

I wrote about this in my last entry but I wanted to link it again. This anthology is being published by Crossed Genres. They focus on the non-mainstream stories, with characters who aren’t predominantly the straight rich white men who get written about most in history. I love the idea of reading about characters who are queer, and/or not white, so this is something I want to support more of.

Crowdfunding site: Kickstarter

Deadline: Sunday Mar 31, 11:59pm US EDT/Monday Apr 1, 2:59pm AEDT

CrossOver: Alaskan Sci-Fi Fantasy

This is to shoot the pilot of a sci-fi fantasy TV series in Alaska. Watching the video, seeing all the locations Alaska has to offer, made me want to throw in support. And for only $1 you can get a copy of the pilot when it’s finished.

Crowdfunding site: Indiegogo

Deadline: Wednesday May 1, 2:59am US EDT/Wednesday May 1, 4:59pm AEST

Teen Mermaid Dives into Novel Workshop

An author has been accepted into a novel workshop so she can hone her YA mermaid novel to make it more likely to be accepted by agents. Normally I don’t support projects that don’t offer me the finished product, but as I am someone who also writes mermaids, I thought I’d chip in a few dollars to show my interest.

Crowdfunding site: Indiegogo

Deadline: Friday Apr 19, 2:59am US EDT/Friday Apr 19, 4:59pm AEST

Girls I’ve Run Away With and Moonshine Press

This campaign looks somewhat similar to the one I’m part of at the moment – a new small press publishing their first book. Rather than an anthology, though, it’s a novel. What took my interest in this one was its focus on queer women. If it wasn’t already obvious, that’s a particular focus of mine right now, both in my writing and what I want to support. After all, that was why I also supported Plunge Magazine back when that was on Kickstarter. They’re also planning on putting together an anthology next, which is something I’d like to learn more about, so I started following them on Facebook.

Crowdfunding site: Indiegogo

Deadline: Wednesday Apr 3, 2:59am US EDT/Wednesday Apr 3, 5:59pm AEDT

Tips for those seeking crowdfunding!

As promised, I wanted to offer some advice for people who are looking into crowdfunding their own projects. Most of my advice is going to come from what choices I make as a backer, but I’ll throw in some things that has so far worked best for me in the campaign I’m helping out with.

Prior to launching the campaign, these are things you should know

1. First and foremost, I am most likely to support a project if I see value for money. Usually that means I want to receive the product you’re getting funding for, for the price I can expect to pay once it’s available for sale outside the campaign. Sometimes I will pay more if I feel like I’m getting added value. For example, one of the documentaries I contributed to last year offered the DVD copy at a reasonable price. I paid more, though, because I liked the idea of getting a nice thank you in the credits of the film. It does not matter how much I think a project is awesome, if it is not offering the product at a reasonable price, I will not support it. I’ve seen too many campaigns that have their books or films set at $50 or $100. Why would I pay that if I could wait until it’s properly released and get it at a decent price?

2. Usually, the campaign needs to have a clear focus and be something I would ordinarily be interested in. I can find this out in several ways. I enjoy watching the videos that have them, in part because they feel more personal. I like seeing example photos or art, so I know what I can expect from the finished product. Films I support often have some sample video footage so I can see its quality. But sometimes all I need is the description, if it’s thought out well enough.

3. I’m not sure how many other crowdfunding supporters do this, but I will find projects by strangers by searching for keywords. Usually that word has been “bisexual” but a couple of the Indiegogo ones I listed above I found by searching “fantasy,” and the 3rd was recommended to me when I supported the 2nd one. Do make sure people who have an interest in the sort of thing you’re producing can find you. I like supporting things that are similar or related to the sorts of things I am doing myself.

Once the campaign is up

4. Contact people directly. Tell them about your project, and why you think they would be interested in it. Ask them if they’ll share your campaign with their friends. I’ve found that the more direct approach is more effective than throwing out a link and a few words on social media, especially when it comes to asking others to share it for you. Those who have been more likely to support me are also those I have supported in the past, or who I’ve supported their friends thanks to their links.

5. Show that you’re someone who gives back to the community, so you’re not someone just asking for money. Preferably you should start doing this well before your campaign begins. I like seeing people who are running crowdfunding campaigns, and their profile shows they’ve backed X number of projects themselves. However, I don’t just support other projects with money, I also tell people about them. This post is even a good example of that!

6. Talk about your campaign. I’ve found that my blogging and journaling has led to more people either mentioning they want to support it, or going ahead and chipping in some money. Those who’ve followed through after my blogging/journaling has so far been names I haven’t recognised, which leads me to:

7. Linking it on social media, particularly Twitter, and use appropriate hash tags. I regularly use #crowdfunding and have ended up with a few favourites or new followers from that, if not actual sales. But it’s been when I’ve linked to a blog entry with an appropriate hash tag that seemed to work best. Otherwise I’ve gotten a lot of clicks, but not really any sales.

There is probably still more I can say on this subject, but there are plenty of other blog posts out there that talk in greater detail, which I recommend you have a look at.

–

If you haven’t already, it would be awesome if you also checked out the crowdfunding campaign for the anthology I’m going to be published in, Fae Fatale: A Fantasy Noir Anthology. My story in the book features a mermaid haunting a Hawaiian man in 1946.

Originally published at Dominica Malcolm

My Involvement with Fae Fatales: A Fantasy Noir Anthology

comedychick — Mon, 25 Mar 2013 07:47:39 GMT

Over the past 11 days, Fae Fatales: A Fantasy Noir Anthology has been up on Indiegogo, doing nicely with contributions from people who want to see the book in print. As I write this, it is at 80% funded, with 19 days to go. We’d really love to see it fully funded early so we can start organising stretch rewards – additional perks that everyone can get once we reach higher goals.

It’s been an interesting experience for me. Last week Jax gave me access to editing the campaign details so I’ve been a bit more hands-on involved than I had been in the beginning. I had sought some advice on a writer’s forum about marketing and how to attract interest, but the advice tended toward the content on the campaign page rather than how to find people or what to say separately from that.

Having said that, it did help us to come up with more information for people, which you can now read about on the campaign page. If you had a look at the link before but weren’t sure if it was something you wanted to support because there wasn’t enough information up, now’s the time to go back. Since I previously wrote about the campaign, these updates have been made to the campaign:

* The book now has a title and a tagline.

* The page count has been listed (it’s approx. 270 pages).

* 7 of the 10 writers have contributed information about themselves and/or their stories which feature in the book.

* New perks have been added, including a $1 raffle ticket for a chance to win a copy of the book, specifically designed for those who want to help out but can’t afford to buy the book at this time.

There are also a few writer-specific packs. I’m personally quite fond of Jax Goss’s pack where you can get a copy of Fae Fatales along with a signed copy of her collection of short stories, The Edge of the Map, and a personalised short story written by her. I myself am offering to either draw a cartoon of you, much like the examples I have on my artwork page, or write a short film screenplay for someone, like the ones I have posted on my writing page.

During the week I also had the opportunity to read Jax’s story in the anthology, and I have to say I was very impressed with it. This doesn’t surprise me, since I enjoy Jax’s spin and voice when she writes fantasy (that being part of the reason I submitted something in the first place), but I felt very fortunate to have that sneak peak. She writes with a very clear voice that works well for the genre.

For me, being as personally involved as I have been in the developing the campaign page and promoting on social media, I liken this as a helpful learning experience. When it comes time to raising money for marketing and releasing my novel, Adrift, this is how I want to go about it. Yet, I worry about my ability to get people on board. Fae Fatales has thus far been more successful in receiving contributions from people who know some of the other writers rather than myself, and it’s hard for me to deduce why. Are my people holding out for my novel instead? After all, I have been talking about that on Facebook for over a year. I have a list of 50+ people who want a copy of that, but they’re not buying this book. Or is it that I’m not saying the right things to the right people? As someone who has often struggled with social interactions, I worry that this might be the case. And then I wonder, if I can’t personally build interest in an anthology I’m in, how am I going to make sure my novel is successful? On that note, I’m probably more likely to get my book out sooner if I can see more of my people supporting this one.

Perhaps it’s simply that I’ve not done a good enough job of explaining to people how crowdfunding works, and why it’s important to contribute within the period that the campaign is up. After all, my promoting the link around various parts of the Internet has drawn in 170 clicks (so far), yet I can only claim 3 of the pledges. It may be a case of me being too familiar with crowdfunding now that I don’t know how to explain it to others. But this is the most important thing for you to note: often times, if a campaign does not reach its goal by the target date, it does not receive any of the pledges, and backers do not get their perks or rewards. This ends up disappointing both the people running the campaign, as well as everyone who pledged money toward it. We all want it to be successful.

I’ve been supporting crowdfunded projects on Kickstarter and Indiegogo for over a year, with a total of 26 projects backed between them (plus 1 on Pozible). Very few have been unsuccessfully funded, in part due to Indiegogo’s flexible funding option. The Kickstarters I backed that didn’t get funded gave me an opportunity to support them separately, and still get the perk I selected. I could probably write a whole post about what works for me as a backer and why I’ll decide to fund something, but I’ll save that for another time.

For now, what I’d like to hear from you about is, if you’ve been involved in crowdfunded projects before, what are some of the lessons you learned, both pitfalls and successes?

Alternatively, if you’ve had a look at the Fae Fatales campaign page, I’d love to hear from you to find out if there’s anything else you’d like to know about the anthology or writers, or any of the reasons why you may choose to either support or not support it. It is through this kind of feedback that I find it easiest to learn what’s going on, so that I don’t have to extrapolate reasons.

–

The link to the campaign for Fae Fatales, in case you missed it before and want to check it out, is here.

Another crowdfunded anthology you might be interested in supporting if you like the idea of Fae Fatales is Long Hidden, which is being marketed as speculative fiction from the margins of history. That means they’re focused on the non-mainstream stories, with characters who aren’t predominantly the straight rich white men who get written about most in history. This anthology isn’t in any way affiliated with Fae Fatales (though one of our writers, J.M. Templet, was published by Crossed Genres in their Menial: Skilled Labor in Science Fiction anthology), I just like sharing the things I’m supporting that I think others might also enjoy. This is exactly the sort of thing I like to write and want to read more of.

Originally published at Dominica Malcolm

Crowdfunding Fantasy Noir!

comedychick — Thu, 14 Mar 2013 04:05:09 GMT

My friend and fellow writer Jax Goss just launched a crowdfunding campaign for the first book to be released by Solarwyrm Press.

I’m going to tell you a bit about it now, or you can jump ahead and check it out on Indiegogo.

This is a project that’s been in the works for about a year. Jax had written a story in the fantasy noir genre, and then decided she wanted to put together an anthology of stories that could also be classified as such. She put out a call for submissions, and then selected 10 of them to publish in the book.

I can’t tell you about all of the writers she selected, but I can tell you about some of them, as some of them I count amongst my favourites to read already.

My story to be published in the book is Siren, set in Honolulu, Oahu not long after the end of WWII. I was inspired to write this piece after my two trips to Honolulu and visiting the Army Museum and Pearl Harbor, learning about the effects of the war on the island. Though the protagonist is a native Hawaiian man, it also features my mermaid, Prudence, who is the protagonist in Bridging the Divide, which was published last month.

I’ve also had the pleasure to read Jeremiah Murphy’s story which will be published in the book. That story is about a detective with an unusual client who is being hired to find a dead man. I don’t want to say much about it in case I give away too much, but it is certainly an intriguing read.

I’ve not read the other stories to be published in the book, however, I am familiar with the fiction of Jax Goss, Sally Bell, Daniel Heichel, and J.M. Templet. I’m really looking forward to seeing what they wrote as I’ve enjoyed all of their work that I’ve read in the past.

Presently the campaign allows you to pre-order the book as a PDF ($10), paperback ($25, posted anywhere in the world), or paperback signed by all the authors around the world ($100 – because it will be expensive to send it to all of us; as far as I know, us writers are spread across New Zealand, Australia, Malaysia, Qatar and the US).

As the campaign goes on there will likely be more perks added. I’ve personally suggested some things I can offer as perks but they need to be discussed further with Jax first.

The campaign is seeking $1,500 to reach its goal, in order to pay all of the writers for their submissions, and also cover the cost of printing the books. It hasn’t even been up a day yet, and is already close to a third of the way there! We’re really excited about this one, so I hope you’ll head on over to Indiegogo and check it out, and tell your friends!

Originally published at Dominica Malcolm

An eye-opening look at India

comedychick — Wed, 27 Feb 2013 16:45:52 GMT

(Welcome to India sign at the airport)

My main reason for wanting to head to India was to see this, the Taj Mahal:

But when I wasn't seeing incredible sights, I was being confronted by extreme poverty and lack of modernisation.

Photos can tell this story a whole lot better than words, so I'm going to share with you a series of photos, mostly taken from a moving vehicle on major roads in and between Delhi, Agra, and Jaipur.

The first thing that surprised me was seeing farm animals on roads instead of on, well, farms.

There were pigs:

(The top part of a hog, or pig)

Goats:

(Goats on the steps to the largest gate in Asia, 40km west of Agra)

(Goat at the historic site of Amber Fort in Jaipur)

And cows:

(Cow eating garbage on side of road)

(Cows in the middle of the road)

Then there were animals I would have had even less expected to see, like oxen:

(Two white oxen standing in dirt and garbage between the road and shops)

(Oxen following each other in the middle of desolate looking homes)

Camels:

(Camel with blanket on its hump)

(Camel with saddle on his back looking into a shop)

(Camels helping in a brick farm)

(Camel pulling a wooden cart with a man and two kids on it)

And elephants:

When I saw this elephant at a truck stop, I had my eyes open in surprise.

This elephant with a painted face and ears was less of a surprise as it was near Amber Fort in Jaipur, where we knew they offered rides.

As you've already seen with the camels, some methods of transportation are not exactly modern. Here are some others:

(Bicycles and bicycle carts riding with the traffic)

(Vegetables being wheeled down the street on a wooden cart)

(Side window view of two men standing on a cart while holding the reigns of a horse

(Two men standing on a cart while holding the reigns of a horse)

Then some of the more modern methods of transportation don't exactly look safe:

(Man riding motorcycle with two female passengers)

(Four people sitting on the back of a small truck)

But the most surprising and confronting things I've seen is the way many Indians seem to live.

(People living in tents on the side of the road - the one on the left is a family with a young baby and children)

(Women walking down the street next to straw huts)

(Shanty village with makeshift tents)

(Another shanty village with makeshift tents)

With a population of over 1.2 billion, is there no way to help the poor? Is the size of the population with respect to the land area why they live like this in plain view? I don't have the answers, just these photos.

Oh noes! I set my brain on FIRE!

comedychick — Wed, 20 Feb 2013 03:06:08 GMT

This was me, roughly two years ago, the last time I did something AWESOME with my hair:

I can't really explain how much I miss it, you know. For about two and a half years, I bleached and dyed my hair all sorts of crazy colours because I felt like it was the best way to outwardly express who I was inside. Especially when the hair dye seeps into your brain. Then it really is showing what's inside you!

My Godmother, Margaret, who is one of the two closest mother figures I have in my life since my own mother passed away, convinced me that I should let my hair grow naturally after that. She thought I was damaging my hair. And probably my brain, too, with all that dye seepage. When the purple hair faded, I dyed the bleached ends brown, and I looked as close to normal as I could come.

Me with the brown dye, turning me back to normal:

My hair grew, and grew, because I hadn't been to a hairdresser since about November 2010, when I last got it bleached.

But lately, I've really been feeling the pain of not having hair that felt like it was truly mine. Sure, it might've been mostly natural, but for the bleached-then-dyed-brown ends, but that's not the same as feeling like it was mine. Long hair is an absolute bitch to manage, let me tell you!

I've been talking about wanting a change before I head to India this coming Friday. Secretly it's because I don't want boring hair in the photos that are taken there. I'm tired of looking boring in photos.

So, while I was out and about in KL with my friend Satyam* yesterday, I asked if we could stop in at Sungei Wang Plaza, an old style mall that mostly sells awesome clothes, but which I had previously picked up some of my coloured hair dye at. I wanted to see if I could find the turquoise colour I've been dying to have for a long time - every time I tried it, it turned out wrong.

I didn't find the dye, but I did find a hairdresser that looked like they could do it for me. They had a sample on a rack, so I inquired about it, and set about making the arrangements. I didn't want to dye my full head of hair this time, because I knew how horribly long that would take, and anyway, my brown hair isn't that bad. So I explained I just wanted to have a few sections on my right side dyed turquoise.

This is where things get interesting. See, they had to perform brain surgery on me! Here I am with the special helmet they put on my head, with the lid open:

Obviously they'd given me a local anaesthetic so they could rip my head open and reach my brain. See, they have to check your brain and make sure you're ~~right~~ wrong in the head before they'll put any unnaturally coloured dye in your hair. They also check to make sure you haven't got too much colour in your brain from previous colouring sessions.

If they don't think your brain is crazy enough, which I guess mine wasn't, they set your brain on FIRE!

Then they stitch you back up and leave your head to heal for a bit:

Once that's all taken care of, and they get the colour into your hair and everything, the hairdressers set to work at making my hair look perfectly awesome:

And now I have awesome hair again! Except... they still failed to get the turquoise right:

---
* Name was changed to match the one I used in a previous week.

Announcing: Bridging the Divide

comedychick — Sun, 17 Feb 2013 00:50:29 GMT

Today, my short story Bridging the Divide was published in the inaugural issue of Plunge Magazine, an online magazine specifically focusing on queer women in genre fiction. This first issue’s theme was queer women in mythology.

Bridging the Divide follows a mermaid, Prudence, on a quest to find a murderer, set in London in 1894. It is a good introduction to the mermaid mythology I developed as part of my upcoming novel, Adrift, in which Prudence also appears.

Along with my short story, Plunge published 4 other short stories, 3 poems, and 2 pieces of flash fiction. There is also beautiful artwork for the cover and each section of the magazine, so I would encourage you to also check those out and support the magazine if it sounds like something that would interest you.

If you enjoy my story, please let me know, and share it with any of your friends who you also think would like it!

Originally published at Dominica Malcolm

Walkabout

comedychick — Wed, 13 Feb 2013 09:21:22 GMT

"Doesn't being bi mean you have more people to choose from?" Shen asked me, breaking the hour long silence.

"Yeah, because there's a whole lot of people around," I said sarcastically.

I probably sounded ruder than intended, but we'd been walking for several hours since we left Eucla, at least four since the sun went down, and I was starving. Eucla hadn't yielded much in the way of food, and our next hope was maybe the Nullarbor roadhouse. That's where we were aiming to get to so we had a place to sleep the hottest hours of the day away -- if we'd been able to find a wild camel to hitch a ride on. Since we hadn't yet, it was going to be more like a two, two and a half day walk. Fucking middle of January in the middle of the Australian desert. Of course that was when we had to decide to leave Esperance, wasn't it?

Taking a bottle of water out of my backpack, I chugged down a few gulps to try and stave off my hunger for a bit longer. I'd been better about conserving that than food.

"Well, not here, mate, but maybe when we get to Adelaide."

We were headed east because we knew we stood no chance in hell in Perth. Too isolated. Plus, the last broadcast we'd seen on GWN before the televisions cut out seemed to suggest Perth was completely wiped out by storms. Shen and me were lucky to be living in Esperance, over six hundred ks away from the worst of the weather damage.

"You reckon? I'm not so sure I want to fuck anyone in Adelaide," I said. "Maybe if we make it to Melbourne." I kicked at some of the red dirt beneath my feet. Though it had been a long time since we'd seen a car on the road, what with even us having run out of petrol before we hit Eucla, we still felt safer walking to the side of it. "What're you bringing this up for anyway?"

"I dunno," Shen said. "Been wondering about it since you told me yesterday. I didn't realise I knew anyone who was bisexual."

"Well it's not really the sort of thing us country folk talk about, is it?"

"Did you get a lot of action though? I mean, before most everyone died?"

"Dude, I just told you it's not the sort of thing you talk about in the country." I didn't know why it hadn't occurred to me that this conversation was inevitable. We had little else new to talk about.

A few minutes of silence passed again before Shen said, "But you used to go up to Perth sometimes."

I didn't really want to answer his question because it was layered with all those assumptions I'd read other bisexuals often dealt with. That was the whole reason I never came out sooner. Fortunately for me, I accidentally tripped over some roadkill roo, giving me a great excuse to avoid him.

"You alright, mate?" Shen asked, reaching his hand out to me.

I took Shen's hand and he pulled me up. Throwing him a smile I said, "Yeah. Looks like I found us some dinner."

Shen smiled back, and pulled a knife out from his pack. I didn't really fancy doing all of that sort of chopping up animals when I could still see their dead eyes staring at me, but Shen had been a chef or something at the one Chinese place we had in Esperance, so I had been relying on him to cook us meals over the last few weeks. He didn't mind it.

While Shen was slicing up the roo, since the land was so sparse by this point, with not a tree in sight, I located some scrub I could set on fire so we had somewhere to cook the damn thing, and hope the meat wasn't too rotten. If we were lucky, maybe the roo had died from natural causes rather than being hit by a truck or something. I didn't know nothing about how long an animal could be dead for and still safe to eat. Problem was, I also didn't know how long a person could go without eating before they carked it, but I preferred not to find that answer out. I'd rather die from eating rotten meat than starving myself.

I didn't have much time for salvation though, because once we were done eating, Shen couldn't help bringing up my sex life again.

"Do you have a preference?" he asked while packing away his knife.

"For what?"

"Girls or guys."

To take some time to think through my answer, I had another sip of water, then put it away. We were off walking through the scrub and red dirt again before I said anything.

"Not really, but... it's harder to find girls who're interested in you when you're not out. I've only been with one because of that." I could tell Shen was itching to find out how many men I'd been with now, so I decided to save him the trouble of asking. "Men aren't that much easier though. Usually as soon as you tell a guy you're bi, they start fantasising about threesomes and thinking of you as a piece of meat. It's so offputting that I end up not sleeping with them."

"Why did you tell them then?"

"Because that's how I judge whether someone's worthy of getting into my pants."

Shen chuckled, but then after that died down, and he put some thought into what I'd said, he stopped walking, pulled me around and looked at me, confused. "Wait, that's not why you told me, is it?"

I smirked, and couldn't contain the smile that had spread across my face, but didn't answer. Instead I turned and kept walking. He'd stayed in his place, speechless for a while, but eventually jogged to catch up with me.

"How much further to the Nullarbor Roadhouse, Emily?" Shen asked, obviously figuring things out.

It was nice to hear him use my name for once, instead of calling me "mate." We'd been friends a long time, but I was beginning to think that's all we'd ever be. Even if we ended up being the last two people alive.

"I dunno," I said. "Probably at least another hundred and fifty ks."

After walking a few more minutes of silence, Shen muttered, "I really hope we find some camels soon."

---

This piece of fiction was written for therealljidol Exhibit A, for the prompt Ultra Deep Field. If you're interested in learning more about Australia's Nullarbor, including pictures, I previously wrote about my drive across it here.

How white people are seen by Malaysians

comedychick — Wed, 06 Feb 2013 05:57:54 GMT

"Oh yeah, I forgot you're white," my Indian friend said to me last night as we were enjoying drinks at a pub.

We were there, with two other people, after attending a local stand-up comedy performance. Race is something that's talked about a lot here. Through the course of the conversation, I learned that the other man at the table was Malay, and the girl was a Chinese/Indian mix - not because I asked, but because they brought it up. White people were being discussed at this point as the girl had a preference for them in the bedroom.

See, even in Malaysia, where the majority population is a combination of Malay, Indian, and Chinese, and the dominant religion is Islam, there's an undercurrent of white superiority.

It doesn't make sense.

Well, okay, admittedly Malaysia is a part of the British Commonwealth. There is a history of centuries of European colonisation. I've written before about how the Portuguese took control of Melaka in 1511, which was subsequently controlled by the Dutch from 1642. The Dutch had power until they signed a treaty with the British in 1824. From then on the British had control until they signed it back to the people in 1957. But that was over 55 years ago! You'd think things would have improved some since then, wouldn't you?

So, in the mind of the locals, what makes me better than actual Malaysians? Stereotypes, let me show you them.

White people are rich.

Now, by my standards, I don't feel like my family is living on a rich person's income. If we were living in California, we probably couldn't even make ends meet, let alone afford to travel as much as we do. But we're not living in California, we're living in Malaysia, so by Malaysian standards we probably are. And don't you know that having money is what some people think constitutes a person's worth?

White skin is the epitome of beautiful.

How do I know this is a thing? Because a popular beauty product you can find in stores here is skin whitening cream. This is a problem that arises when Hollywood mostly produces movies and television with a mainly white cast for a global audience. While white people are out at beaches trying to tan their skin to be darker, Asians are putting cream on their's to try and be lighter!

If you snag a white partner, you're moving up in the world.

You see it in the Asian women who only date white men. My aforementioned Indian friend? He says he prefers dating white girls. He's explicitly told me that he'll get a lot of thumbs up type stares from other locals when he's seen with a white girl specifically because of this attitude.

Locally made movies are crap; it's only worth going to see American ones.

And sadly that is why some of the culture is dying. Kids these days don't want to see their rich cultural history. They want to be hip and modern, just like the Americans!

Did you know that because of these opinions, white people get treated better here? At least in terms of the service they get in restaurants. Not so much in tourist markets where they can rip you off because they'll sell you something that still sounds cheap to a white person who doesn't know any better.

But I'm sick of it. I don't want to be seen as better. I want to be seen as an equal. That's why when my friend commented that he forgot I was white, I took it as a compliment.

For a long time being "better" seemed to mean that locals didn't want to get too friendly with me. It was as if they thought I thought I was too good for that. I guess a lot of expats are only friends with other expats. I prefer the opposite. I can't relate to most (white) expats. Plus, the majority of those I met here left the country long ago. I want something more permanent than that.

I sadly believe the rich stereotype rings true, even though it doesn't fit the image I have of myself. Most white expats seem to have a higher income than we do. I'm not high class, and I don't like fancy things. At the end of the day I feel like I relate better to the locals I have met, and the non-white foreigners.

Let me use the white expat comedians from last night as an example. The first one got up and commented that Pavilion KL is a mat salleh (white person) mall because they're the only people who can afford what is sold there. I don't shop there. The other one made me cover my face in embarrassment at the things he said. I just didn't want to be associated with him.

I'm pretty sure a good portion of the white superiority undercurrent is a result of Hollywood's control of global media, on top of the history of European colonisation. At least if we had more racial diversity in film and television from the US, we might see some positive impact around the world. Not just for this sort of thing, but also in improving how white people see other races.

Jaclyn Rousseau goes to Malacca

comedychick — Tue, 22 Jan 2013 05:41:55 GMT

What would you do if you randomly saw a woman dressed like a pirate, walking around a tourist town, seeing no explanation as to why?

In case you’re someone who isn’t a regular follower of mine, Jaclyn Rousseau is a character I’ve been developing roughly over the last two years. As she was first introduced through a short film screenplay I intended to film, with me playing her, I spent a fair amount of time thinking about what she might wear. This led to me buying such items when I happened to come across them. I never really expected to do anything with the costume beyond some photo shoots at home. After all, by the time I had the completed outfit, Jaclyn was a character in a novel I was developing, not a film. The bright purple corset, the long brown-haired wig, dark purple stockings, black pants that came down to just over my knees and did their best to pretend they were breeches, black pirate style boots, gold hoop earrings, and the black scarfs I wore around my waist and head (I still don’t know how I was so lucky to find the one for my waist decorated with gold and black balls) — all of that was expected to spend most of its time in my wardrobe.

Of course, I might not be your typical writer. I know a lot of other writers might have characters in their head whom they talk to, but for some reason when I was developing the novel idea, I decided it would be great to really get inside Jaclyn’s head. To do that, I took my entire costume to Washington, D.C. and wore it in public for almost the entirety of International Talk Like a Pirate Day in 2011. It was perhaps both one of the craziest and most amazing things I have ever done. Exploring the National Air and Space Museum was particularly good for getting inside her head, because what better way to discover air and space travel than through the eyes of a 17th century woman? Did I mention Jaclyn’s sort of a time-traveller?

This entry isn’t about that experience, but what grew from it. See, whilst walking around Washington dressed as Jaclyn, that inspired a chapter of my novel, Adrift. That part was relatively easy. What I didn’t expect was for it to also inspire me going out into more places in public, dressed as Jaclyn, just for the sake of publicity. One of those publicity stunts was Halloween at TGI Friday’s last year, though usually it’s just so I have new photos I can share on the Facebook page.

Honestly, with the amount of people who notice me out in public when I’m dressed like that, I should probably be doing proper publicity and having business cards to hand out. It seems a little pointless when I still have to release the novel though.

But I digress. This past weekend, my parents-in-law were visiting for maybe the fourth time. They’ve seen plenty of Kuala Lumpur and nearby interesting sights, so I suggested we venture a little further to take in another interesting town. Earlier in the week I had taken them to the National Museum, which talks a lot about Melaka as the part of Malaysia that really started the history of the Malay Kingdoms. In the 14th and 15th centuries, it was a major trading port, situated perfectly between the Middle East and China. That is, until the Portuguese took control in 1511. They were followed by the Dutch in 1641. I won’t go into when the British took control after that, as it is less important to my story.

I usually refer to Melaka with that spelling, as that is the local way to do so, but it is also spelled as Malacca, which I tend to use when I want the European context. Melaka is about a two hour drive from KL, so it’s excellently situated for a weekend away, and with that kind of rich history, a great place to take my in-laws. I hadn’t been to Melaka since just after we moved to Malaysia in 2008, and I had been secretly wanting to go back since working Malacca references into my novel. This seemed to be the perfect opportunity.

So I packed my costume, and made sure my husband was happy to take some photos.

Our first stop on the Sunday (which is the day I went in costume), was the Portuguese settlement. This area seemed to be mostly deserted, which made it easy for me to wander up to a cannon that overlooked the sea from the hotel there.

My husband then decided a great place for more photos would be the Portuguese ruins of A’Famosa, but I programmed the wrong place into the GPS and then we ended up finding the place we’d parked the previous day, which meant we could stop at the Dutch built riverfront buildings on the way. Personally I was more attracted to the Dutch parts of the town due to the fact that Jaclyn only entered piracy when the Dutch already had control of Malacca.

It was with the Dutch context that I first mentioned Malacca in my novel (though it may be in the novel earlier than that, as I wrote out of order). I wanted a way to introduce Jaclyn to a Chinese man, and given the lack of British/Chinese interactions in the mid-1600s, having a Dutchman pick one up from a Dutch colony where a lot of Chinese lived at the time seemed to be a reasonable solution.

Of course, I didn’t stop there. I have another couple of Chinese characters from Malacca in our century. As I consider the sequel to my novel, I wonder about the possibility of giving one of them a larger role, and bringing Jaclyn to Malaysia. Will this recent trip to Malacca inspire another chapter? Only time will tell.

But, let’s get back to the photo shoot. There are a lot of cannons in Melaka, and since pirates are kind of known for cannons, I couldn’t resist posing with more of them.

Whether it be in ruins that were built by the Portuguese, and added to by the Dutch:

Or at the ruins of A’Famosa:

However, probably my favourite experience whilst in costume was while taking a photo with a grave stone that featured a skull and crossbones. It being at my husband’s suggestion for a trademark pirate icon, I posed in front. Then some Malaysians walked past, and commented on exactly what we were doing with me dressed as I was. “Pirate,” they acknowledged. I smiled.

For more photos from the Jaclyn in Malacca shoot, click here. The links included in this entry also go to Jaclyn’s Facebook page, and the associated photo albums mentioned, in case you wish to see more.

Originally published at Dominica Malcolm

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