My Story

Soundtrack to my Life [Mark Two]

combxthexcrowd — Fri, 21 Sep 2007 20:11:01 GMT

Opening Credits: Ladies and Gentlemen - Saliva

Waking Up Scene: Train in Vain (Stand By Me) - The Clash

Car Driving Scene: Chain Me Free - The Matches

High School Flashback Scene: Cavanaugh Park - Something Corporate

Nostalgic Scene: Coalmine - Armchair Cynics

Bitter, Angry Scene: Get It Faster - Jimmy Eat World

Break Up Scene: Cigarettes - The Wreckers

Regret Scene: Make Out Kids - Motion City Soundtrack

Nightclub/Bar Scene: Send My Love to the Dancefloor, I'll See You in Hell (Hey Mister DJ) - Cobra Starship

Fight/Action Scene: Riot - The Sounds

Lawn Mowing Scene: Giddy Stratospheres - The Long Blondes

Sad, Breakdown Scene: Don't Let It Go to Waste - Matt Willis

Death Scene: Let It Go - Busted

Funeral Scene: Just Like Heaven - The Cure

Mellow/Pot Smoking Scene: And Your Bird Can Sing - The Beatles

Dreaming About Someone Scene: Miss Delaney - Jack's Mannequin

Sex Scene: Here in My Room - Incubus

Contemplation Scene: Pour Yourself Another Drink - The Academy Is...

Chase Scene: To The End - My Chemical Romance

Happy Love Scene: Thunder - Boys Like Girls

Happy Friend Scene: Last Summer - Lostprophets

Closing Credits: Eve, the Apple of My Eye - Bell X1

Joinedupwritingisn'tasjoinedupastheymakeout

combxthexcrowd — Sat, 02 Jun 2007 21:51:25 GMT

On Friday I had my most important meeting of the last year - and it went good.
Today I had another important appointment, and it went better than anyone could hope.
My parents took me to Blaze Farm for ice cream afterwards, and it was nice to be a family for a bit.
Tonight I actually have at shot a sleep, for the first time since last Sunday.

Just thought I'd let you know that for once, things were actually swinging my way. For all of five minutes.

I don't want anyone to hurt - I don't understand what's happening, and I don't want to comment properly [and privately, in a way that someone might understand] until I do. But I'm sorry for whatever I may have done...

I don't know if anyone relevant will read this. I think I'm past caring.

I don't want superman, don't need wonderland...just want you to Love me

combxthexcrowd — Mon, 28 May 2007 20:21:07 GMT

This is saccharine sweet, and I can't stand the taste.
There is pain, but it's so nice that I almost don't care.
I'm all emotions and no sense and I hate it so much that it's possibly turning itself around.
I know I'm all mixed up, and I know I can be a bitch, and you have every right to be confused, but please...try to understand.
Just try.
You frustrate me so much...in a kind of 'I think it's possible that I'm almost in love with you. Would you like to come for a picnic with me?' kind of way.
I'm so tired of all of this, but there's no way I can give it up.
And, in a weird way, I'm not sure I actually mind...

In two minds...

combxthexcrowd — Fri, 25 May 2007 21:34:07 GMT

'A gentleman wouldn't say.'

'But sugar, you're no gentleman.'

'Fine then; I think I do.'

'Then you have nothing to worry about. You have eyes that break hearts...'

'I don't want to break hearts, I just want to get to know her.'

'And they say chivalry is dead...'

'...babygirl?'

'Yes sweetheart?'

'You do alot more saving then you think you do.'

Observations of the day...

combxthexcrowd — Mon, 21 May 2007 14:11:44 GMT

Blue skies make me smile. So do cloudy skies, dark skies, stormy skies and starry skies, but that's beside the point.

Cadbury's chocolate buttons taste better in pairs - maybe it's a drumbeatbassline thing?

Classical instruments in modern songs are never bad.

It is entirely possible to spend £80* while waiting for a bus.

Words sound better once they've been written down.

You can make any song sound epic by listening to it while stood under an arched bridge. Try it.

It takes me 25 minutes to walk from Ashford to my house. It takes 10 minutes in a car and it's national all the way. Go figure.

combxthexcrowd — Sun, 20 May 2007 18:04:07 GMT

'It scares me knowing that you won't be here tomorrow, but I will.'

A few random points of notice...

combxthexcrowd — Sat, 19 May 2007 09:30:17 GMT

I like surprises.

I like halo pictures.

I don't like when things end...especially when there's still questions left to answer.

I act how people treat me.

It upsets me to see other people unhappy or hurt.

I'm scared of sirens and thunder, but not of any other loud noises...

I like driving above a town or village in the dark and looking at all the lights.

My favourite place in the world is a rooftop.

Parenthesis in Contrary

combxthexcrowd — Wed, 16 May 2007 19:58:48 GMT

Sometimes I wake up and I think of everyone that I used to know, and it hurts more than I thought possible. Not just mentally, but real physical pain. 'Like mercury rising'. There's such alot that still reminds me of them - I often feel like I may just fall apart. If it wasn't for the people around me I reckon I actually would.
Some people seem to be able to take life in their stride. It affects me way more than that; if I'm going to do something, I'm going to do it right or wrong. May as well put in the effort, if it's going to take the time - if I'm doing this right, there'll be a trail of destruction and art behind me. Rule number one: Don't look back to check. It's better not to know.
Did you ever think that this [all this] might not be about winning or losing? It's just a passing thought, but maybe [just maybe] it's the time between the starters gun and the finishing line that counts. I don't know if this is a metaphor or an analogy or simply meant to be taken as straight words on paper [screen?]. And if I don't know, you sure as hell aren't going to be able to work it out.

Take this as you will.

Maybe it IS more than it seems...

combxthexcrowd — Mon, 07 May 2007 12:22:19 GMT

Some people [it would seem] see hope in nothing.
I see hope in everything.

How did we get so polarised?

Butterfly Kisses - Michael Bolton

combxthexcrowd — Fri, 04 May 2007 20:05:15 GMT

There's two things I know for sure:
She was sent here from heaven and she's
Daddy's little girl.
As I drop to my knees by her bed at night
She talks to Jesus and I close my eyes and
I thank god for all the joy in my life
Oh, but most of all
For butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer;
sticking little white flowers all up in her
hair; "Walk beside the pony, Daddy, it's my first ride."
"I know the cake looks funny, Daddy, but I sure tried."
In all that I've done wrong I know I must
have done something right to deserve a hug
every morning and butterfly kisses at night.

Sweet 16 today
She's looking like her mama a little more everyday
One part woman, the other part girl.
To perfume and make-up from ribbons and curls
Trying her wings out in a great big world.

But I remember
Butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer; sticking
little white flowers all up in her hair.
"You know how much I love you, Daddy, But if you
don't mind I'm only gonna kiss you on the cheek this time."
With all that I've done wrong I must have done
something right to deserve her love every morning
and butterfly kisses at night.

All the precious time
Like the wind, the years go by.
Precious butterfly.
Spread your wings and fly.

She'll change her name today.
She'll make a promise and I'll give her away.
Standing in the bride-room just staring at her.
She asked me what I'm thinking and I said "I'm not
sure-I just feel like I'm losing my baby girl."
She leaned over...gave me butterfly kisses with her mama there,
Sticking little white flowers all up in her hair
"Walk my down the aisle, Daddy - it's just about time."
"Does my wedding gown look pretty, Daddy? Daddy, don't cry!"

Oh, with all that I've done wrong I must have
done something right.
To deserve your love every morning and butterfly
kisses - I couldn't ask God for more, man this is what love is.

I know I gotta let her go, but I'll always remember
every hug in the morning and butterfly kisses.

Selective Vision

combxthexcrowd — Wed, 02 May 2007 19:47:32 GMT

I think I may be losing grip...sweetheart, this is survival.
But not quite reality.
There's millions of ideas spilling out in not enough space.
Ready to break [bend, build, stretch, define]
In a streamofconciousness kind of flow.
Inspiration is back...maybe it's been raining in my dreams.
I'm going to make an effort, of course, but...
Well, don't hold your breath angel.
It's never worked before.
I'm pretty damn good at just friends though...

Hey, you...

combxthexcrowd — Mon, 30 Apr 2007 07:09:33 GMT

...stop breaking me.

Black Balloon - The Goo Goo Dolls

combxthexcrowd — Wed, 25 Apr 2007 19:40:46 GMT

Baby's black balloon makes her fly,
I almost fell into that hole in your life,
And you're not thinking about tomorrow,
Because you were the same as me,
But on your knees.

A thousand other boys could never reach you,
How could I have been the one?
I saw the world spin beneath you,
And scatter like ice from the spoon that was your womb.

Coming down the world turned over,
And angels fall without you there,
And I go on as you get colder,
Or are you someone's prayer?

You know the lies they always told you,
And the love you never knew,
What's the things they never showed you?
That swallow the light from the sun inside your room, yeah.

Coming down the world turned over,
And angels fall without you there,
And I go on as you get colder,
Always someone there.

And there's no time left for losing,
When you stand they fall, yeah.

Coming down the world turned over,
And angels fall without you there,
And I go on as you get colder,
All because I'm...
Coming down the years turn over,
And angels fall without you there,
And I'll go on and I'll bring you home and,
All because I'm,
All because I'm,
And I'll become,
What you became to me...

Starting to Make Sense now...

combxthexcrowd — Sat, 21 Apr 2007 20:17:48 GMT

Go and get yourself a copy of 'A Million Little Pieces' by James Frey. Read it, and think on it, and take it as you will. It's not all fact, it's not all fiction. Whatever. As if it mattered...the book is inspirational. The words are an institution in their own right. Whether it's true or not makes little or no difference. It's beautiful.

Then, if you like it, read 'My Friend Leonard', by the same author. If you don't, put the book on a shelf and don't think on it ever again.

It is really that simple.

Then I'll know how to save a life...

combxthexcrowd — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 20:08:43 GMT

There are too many people around, so we're making this quick. Everyone visit http://www.blood.co.uk/pages/marrow_info.html and see what you can do to help.
For all the people on that rooftop at 3am (especially Joey and Tommy), listening to music and singing their hearts out. If you understand this, you can be my [our] hero.
Love from Jimmy, Stephy, Lars, Luce, Maysie, Shaun, Claire, Will, Matt, Emma-Marie, BabyTommy and Ali.

An insight into my headandheart

combxthexcrowd — Mon, 16 Apr 2007 20:54:00 GMT

I'm adorable. Everybody says so.
When everybody means you, and I can read between the lines.
Well; it's my poetic license. You don't really mind, do you sugar?
No, I'm not trying to taunt you - I'm asking seriously. The smile in my voice is just from talking to you.
Honestly.

Except...well, I've never been one for lying exactly, but if it's to save myself...
From what? Well, your accusations for a start.
This conversation feels so one sided - if I ask your opinion, your reply is so non-committal.
Almost frustrating, except I'm far too Stepford for that.
Stop laughing at me sweetie - well, it got my point across fine, didn't it?

Right, if you carry on laughing, I'm stopping all this.
I mean it...I'm going to tell you I love you and go now.
This is serious - take it serious!
Fine then. Good bye.

Fragile - Delta Goodrem

combxthexcrowd — Sat, 14 Apr 2007 11:28:47 GMT

Six thoughts at once I can't focus on one
Seven days a week but my life has just begun
So caught in emotion and I'm overcome
As I'm falling down I come undone

Sometimes I feel like I'm alone
Sometimes I feel like I'm not that strong
Sometimes I feel so frail so small
Sometimes I feel vulnerable
Sometimes I feel a little fragile
A little fragile

In six thousand years what will this mean
Words from the heart or a melody
So caught in emotion and I'm overcome
As I'm falling down I come undone

Sometimes I feel like I'm alone
Sometimes I feel like I'm not that strong
Sometimes I feel nothing at all
Sometimes I feel vulnerable
Sometimes I feel a little fragile
A little fragile

If people can see right through my eyes
Like an open door that I can't disguise
I won't be afraid from the tears I cry
I'll not run I'll not hide this is how I feel inside
A little fragile
A little fragile

Sometimes I feel like I'm alone
Sometimes I feel like I'm not that strong
Sometimes I feel so frail so small
Sometimes I feel vulnerable
Sometimes I feel a little fragile

So I'll blame it on the bad luck...

combxthexcrowd — Sun, 08 Apr 2007 19:22:44 GMT

I'm keeping up the pretence; but it's constricting my lungs.
Breath is short, so I've gotta be quick.
Blink and you'll miss me [but maybe not as much as I miss you]
It's not that I'm lying to you; merely protecting myself.
I do not want your pity.

I think I hate it most when people tell me that they feel sorry for me.
They have no right to pity me; not until their own lives are perfect.
And invariably they're not.
Think about this very carefully.

Words have a bigger impact on me than most .
I can twist them into something you never meant. It's quite simple really.
They stay with me forever [which is a longer time than you'd think]
I will quote them back to you at the opportune moment.

This has gone on for long enough; I'm starting to see in shades of any colour but true.
Strange that, isn't it?

Bodybag - Hit the Lights

combxthexcrowd — Fri, 06 Apr 2007 19:13:29 GMT

You're gonna need a bodybag,
I'll break bones you didn't know you had.
When I'm done there will be nothing left of you
for your friends to hold on to
when they find you cold and blue tonight,
face down in a parking lot.

Next time around, think about what you say
before you run your mouth.
Cause you're all alone and you're nothing
without your friends now.
You can tell the pavement what you really said
but I already know.
You got another thing coming if you think you're walking home.

This time I'm waiting here for you, you got nowhere to hide

You're gonna need a bodybag,
I'll break bones you didn't know you had.
When I'm done there will be nothing left of you
for your friends to hold on to
when they find you cold and blue tonight,
face down in a parking lot.

Here's a question.
What do you do when you're all alone
and you have nowhere to run to, swear I'll find you.
And this is what I'll do; I'll take it slow (I'll take it slow)
just to let you know that we're not playing, you're not walking home.

This time I'm waiting here for you, you got nowhere to hide

You're gonna need a bodybag,
I'll break bones you didn't know you had.
When I'm done there will be nothing left of you
for your friends to hold on to
when they find you cold and blue tonight,
face down in a parking lot.

Did you think that you had something to prove,
well you do yea, you do yea.
Did you think that you had nothing to lose,
well you do so you think you're walking home.

This time I'm waiting here for you, you got nowhere to hide

You're gonna need a bodybag,
I'll break bones you didn't know you had.
When I'm done there will be nothing left of you
for your friends to hold on to
when they find you cold and blue tonight...

(Next time around, think about what you say
before you run your mouth.
Cause you're all alone and you're nothing
without your friends now)

You're gonna need a bodybag,
I'll break bones you didn't know you had.
When I'm done there will be nothing left of you
for your friends to hold on to
when they find you cold and blue tonight,
face down in a parking lot.

Some birds aren't meant to be caged - their feathers are just too bright...

combxthexcrowd — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 08:30:52 GMT

Baby, I miss you.
It's as simple as that; four words (three with meaning) that I want you to hear.
To decipher from all the rubbish I end up saying in the end.
Because really, it's what every damn word means...you don't need a dictionary to understand me.
Although, sometimes, it helps.

I would love to be able to see words as they're spoken.
Colourful words (in a sense of redbluegreen) spilling out of someone's mouth, cut down to their simplest form.
I would want every conversation to last forever.
Your pretty words filling the room, not just my head.
This could have been perfection.

Have a nice life darling.
Think of me often.

Standing at the back door with the Life that she left behind...

combxthexcrowd — Tue, 03 Apr 2007 17:00:25 GMT

I went shopping in Chesterfield today...collected my (now fixed) phone, bought 'Santi' by The Academy Is... and got a new car!!

On the phone side of things; my number is exactly the same...they just replaced the screen, so I still have all the numbers etc that I did before. It's all good.

'Santi' is awesome. I love it more than words...especially (at the moment) Seed. Mainly because I've seen them play that one! Anyway, go get it. Fall in love.

And the car? It's a cute little Hyundai Amica. It's white and gorgeous. I love it.

Stop running away from this.

combxthexcrowd — Sun, 01 Apr 2007 11:44:38 GMT

I have no inspiration right now...did you take it with you? Is it tucked away in the corner of your car - in some lake, off some cliff, abandoned somewhere?
Are you coming back? It's just...I'd like dinner to be on the table when you do, so some warning would be nice. This is me trying to be your perfect little lady...come back, you idiot. As if I meant anything I said.

If you leave me on my own to deal with this, I won't cope. You know I won't...who is left for me to turn to, angel? I am trying to be her rock, but I need some support. Otherwise we'll rewind, and repeat. Again.
I wake up everyday to the devastation you've caused [are causing] and I swear, if I knew where you were, I would break you. Like you're breaking us...just get in touch, okay? Just let us know.

There's people here who think you're dead. As in, not coming back. They try to put it in a nice gentle way, so as not to create mess [blood, tears, hearts on bedsheets...I've seen this all before] but it's neatly written, not quite between the lines.

For God's sake, just let me know. Just let me know.

Yes, I like to sit and dream...

combxthexcrowd — Thu, 29 Mar 2007 19:10:28 GMT

Does anyone else love the way that the Fall Out Boy video to 'Thnks fr th Mmrs' matches The Academy Is... video to 'Big Mess...'?

I think it's the best thing ever. It makes me smile...I mean, srsly, MONKEYS?! And then the way they both end up on empty stages. It's brilliant. Insanely so.

Seed - The Academy Is...

combxthexcrowd — Mon, 26 Mar 2007 19:33:44 GMT

Subjects are thrown around the room looking for the ones that got away,

A feeling of soft anticipation of a confrontation I won't lay,

But how do we do it?

We're turning into something else entirely,

We fake it,

Oh, I wanted it so desperately to be real.

Love, love, holding on to some reasons that you left behind,

Whole, now, as I walk away,

You'll find me out,

Run from the only thing left that I hold close.

While he's letting you in, you've got the feeling you've been followed,

Under your skin, it will be weighing on your shoulder, believe it...

If I could express it in a different dialect or in a delicate way,

I'd capture the phrases,

Inside the cage beneath my chest and keep it locked for days,

I wanted you so desperately to believe it.

Love, love, why are you running from another conversation?

So long, I've been planning on,

And you're the one that finds me out,

Nowhere, now I've found you, that I won't go.

While he's letting you in, you've got the feeling you've been followed,

Under your skin, it will be weighing on your shoulder;

You've got that seed in you,

You've got that seed in you.

Love, love, what are you running from?

Let all the small steps expose your secret,

Don't have to speak for me to believe it...

What do you mean? Yeah, ha ha.

Shaking with fear, you've got the feeling you've been followed,

Under your skin, it will be weighing on your shoulder;

You've got that seed in you,

You've got that seed in...

While letting you in, you've got the feeling you've been followed,

Oh you missed it, do anything I said,

Do anything I said...

You've got that seed in you,

You've got that seed in you.

Shaking with fear, you are the hardest thing to swallow,

Pretend that you don't miss me;

You've got that seed in you,

You've got that seed in...

While letting you in, I'll be thinking of tomorrow,

And everytime we cry tonight;

You've got that seed in you,

You've got that seed in...

Whole, now, as I walk away,

You're the one that finds me out...

Fire at Will... drivebykillers

combxthexcrowd — Sun, 25 Mar 2007 20:49:27 GMT

Saw My Chemical Romance last night.

People have said that they're not that good live and stuff, so I was a bit nervous about it...but ohmygod, they were amazing.

Thursday supported, which was pretty much a dream come true - seriously, if you've never heard of Thursday, get into them NOW. They're crazygood. And probably something you need in your life.

When MCR came on first, it was as The Black Parade. They played the whole of that album, in order, start to finish. It was pure theatre, and I loved every minute of it. There was hospital beds, flames and confetti. What else do you want from a show?

'The End' started with just Gerard on stage on a hospital bed, and it was all flashing red and shizzle. Pretty much set the tone for the next 13 songs.

'Welcome to the Black Parade' was amazing for the fact that the whole place was moving in unison for it...it felt good to see all the arms in the air, at the same time. The MEN is a real big place. It musta looked awesome from the stage.

'Cancer' was teary. Really heartbreaking. Just...if you've never seen it, I can't explain, but the kind of song that feels like it might just change your life if you listen hard enough.

'Mama' made me laugh; Gerard marching up and down the stage like he was possessed, and fake sobbing at the end. It is an anthem, and you need it in your life. Fo'shure.

'Teenagers' reminds me of the 'Only Fools and Horses' theme tune. I love it. I wish it didn't finish as quick as it did...

Then The Black Parade were gone, and My Chemical Romance took their place. This part of the show felt like I was in a tiny little club watching a band that was trying to see how far their machine would roll...like, the beginning of something really important.

Except I was in the MEN, along with hundreds of other people, and the machine has gotten so big that I can't even contemplate it.

Loved 'I'm Not Okay (I Promise)' and 'You Know What They Do to Guys Like Us in Prison' expecially. When they played 'Helena' it made me wonder how hard that is for Gerard and Mikey; is it justanothersong for them now, or does it still make them think of their Grandma everytime?
I dunno...I loved it all anyway.

Then today I saw the video for 'I Don't Love You', which turned my brain to mush. Like so:

Me: Am now watching the new MCR vid.
Me: I'm in love with Gerard Way, the cutie. Boogedyboogedyboogedy...ARGH!
Me: He looks so reluctantly upset in it.
Me: And someone just fell from the sky.
Me: I like his hair like this.
Me: Hehe, look back over this convo. It's complete random thoughts of mine for the past few minutes. Gerard Way turned my brain into mush.

(the above is from an MSN conversation with Flo, if you're wondering. Except, not so much a conversation... 'Me' is not my display name on MSN, that's just so you can understand it all properly. Every new 'me' is a new message)

My Story

Soundtrack to my Life [Mark Two]

Joinedupwritingisn'tasjoinedupastheymakeout

I don't want superman, don't need wonderland...just want you to Love me

In two minds...

Observations of the day...

A few random points of notice...

Parenthesis in Contrary

Maybe it IS more than it seems...

Butterfly Kisses - Michael Bolton

Selective Vision

Hey, you...

Black Balloon - The Goo Goo Dolls

Starting to Make Sense now...

Then I'll know how to save a life...

An insight into my headandheart

Fragile - Delta Goodrem

So I'll blame it on the bad luck...

Bodybag - Hit the Lights

Some birds aren't meant to be caged - their feathers are just too bright...

Standing at the back door with the Life that she left behind...

Stop running away from this.

Yes, I like to sit and dream...

Seed - The Academy Is...

Fire at Will... *drivebykillers*

Fire at Will... drivebykillers