How very strange it is to have some bits of knowledge; that my boss would not object to having sex with me - absolutely not that I am harassed, or even that it comes up, just that it DID once in a very offhand way and it's not something one forgets - and that he sometimes has similar self-destructive urges.

I am insane sometimes. I think I can probably say that literally. When my brain has worked itself into a tizzy and I have to shut off my emotions as best I can just to function, I get ridiculous, dramatic self-harm urges that I feel stupid about later. I texted my boss when I had to go home early because everything at work looked like a beautiful weapon (you do NOT want to stick your hand in the baler and see what noises happen, you LIKE that hand), and in my frantic state said probably way too much about WHY I was leaving. I guess that opened the doors to him saying he thinks the same things sometimes.

I can't figure out if it's relieving or alarming to know that some other people get the same urges I do.