grieving multiple deaths
a lot here. raw form.
woke up to a really heavy cry this morning. before any device or overt external input made it’s way to me. think something deep was released. like I was done being broken. it’s been months since I wrote a poem. grateful I held space for myself to create in the midst of so much horror.
still in bed this morning I saw a cardinal out my bedroom window. very shortly after that a huge woodpecker with a beautiful red head, flew onto the same window. noting the red symbolism. I continue to be blown away by how beautifully and painfully aligned moments can be.
in this post, I’ve included a photo of the cardinal that I captured on my phone, and the poem I wrote this morning. like all of my poetry, this is about multiple things at once.
how do you grieve those still alive shells of a relationship remains into little pieces condoning and committing threats at the interpersonal level while abhorring them at the global level we are not in the same world countless deaths culminate into a cavern of loss so deep it's (nearly) impossible to see a way out how do you work and job hunt and laugh and cook and tend to loving relationships build homes when your first home is obliterated how do the trees keep giving life as we tear them down how do the Cardinals keep bird song-ing as we destroy habitats how do the ants keep building as we stomp on their mounds to truly let go after saying dozens and hundreds of times I'm done. after begging and begging to be seen After surrounding friends and family listen to hours and hours of tears spin circle after circle with you till you don't know which way is right despite all your might you're at a loss the reality is no one should have to go through this but if we don't keep giving and singing and building we might as well be dead
This stanza moved my hand to my heart while reading:
"how do you work and job hunt
and laugh and cook
and tend to loving relationships
build homes
when your first home is
obliterated"
<3
Take care and thanks for the poem. The bird is a pileated woodpecker.