Fandom Bulwer-Lytton Marvel Edition!!
Oh we have some MARVEL-ous entries! The lovely Ufgator1977, the magnificent Starhawk2005 and the sublime VR_Trakowski submitted entries and I threw something in as well. I'm putting them under the cut to save space but please come take a look at some amazingly bad sentences. You'll laugh; you'll cry; you'll feel vaguely nauseous and need to take a Gas-X. Our three catagories were: General, Smut/Romance and Bad Puns. Nobody submitted any Angst since that comes naturally with sentences like this.
My thanks to all the wonderful folks who made this possible, and if you've got a late entry, pop it into the comments, okay?
GENERAL
Ufgator1977
Thor was more than happy to show Captain America up close and personal just what it meant to "ride the lightning."
Starhawk2005
After Loki had imprisoned Jane Foster in the cell, made up to look like an ordinary bedroom, she set quickly to work – sheets yanked from the bed, drawers emptied of underwear, shirts, pants, and even socks, and she interwove and braided everything together, trying to create a rope long enough to get out the window and down to the ground – but when Loki returned unexpectedly, he stared down at her work, rolled his eyes dramatically, and haughtily told her not to get her panties in a twist.
Cincoflex
It was only after they’d cleaned out his locker and found the jockstraps that the Avengers realized that cards weren’t the only Captain America items Coulson had collected.
When Loki ran for mayor he was the dark horse.
At Karaoke Night, it was impossible to stop Thor from choosing ‘If I had a Hammer’ while Bruce refused to do ‘It’s Not Easy Being Green.’
'Avengers Assemble' was the official call, but Fury preferred his original cry: 'Avengers get your collective ASSES in gear!'
Hawkeye was the team’s leading authority on wind velocity, marksmanship, and unfortunately, pigeon crap.
Bruce didn’t think that turning into the Hulk and tearing his way through the lab qualified as ‘creating a Super Collider’ but Tony pointed out that he did tend to reduce things to particles that way.
Natasha was neither black nor a widow but the Hulk could vouch she was hard to stomp on, and under the cover of darkness, Clint knew her love bites were painful.
A weary anger grew in Banner when Thor directed him to a fanfiction site and he found Hulk, slashed!
Loki was confused; he’d hope to find an online parenting class when he’d clicked on the My Little Pony website.
Deep in the basement of Stark Tower, down under Tony’s fancy-pants penthouse with its ooh-la-la state of the art accommodations, past the guest room levels none of which were quite as luxurious as Tony’s quarters oh no; beyond the floors of high technology equipment that nobody really understood except Mr. High and Mighty Stark, down under the entire wing given over to someone’s collection of Iron Man armor, deeper below in the bowels, hell, the fucking RECTUM of the Avenger’s HQ, Bruce Banner brooded, wondering if it was possible he might be harboring a little resentment.
Natasha woke in a sweat, clutching the sheets; she hated her recurring nightmare and hoped nobody ever attacked her using a giant can of Raid.
SMUT
Starhawk2005
The scent of her sexual perfume hung heavy in the room as Loki coaxed Jane Foster’s legs apart – he did not hurry, despite her desperate moans (he enjoyed seeing how many noises he could bring forth from a frustrated female; the more, the merrier he became), and instead he teased her cream-white thighs with languid strokes of his fingers, waited as she writhed and panted, waited until his own engorged manhood throbbed mightily in his breeches – finally, inevitably, he parted her folds and sent his tongue forward to tiptoe through the two lips.
As Loki pushed Darcy back roughly into the stone castle wall, as they kissed and groped like crazed teenagers on cocaine and alcohol and many other drugs known to reduce inhibitions and good sense – and there are many others that could be added to that list – and as his arousal became more and more evident, not to mention all the layers of stiffened leather armour pushed hard against the soft curves of her body, Darcy reflected that at the moment, she was really trapped between a rock and a hard place.
Cincoflex
Pepper loved Tony, but wished he would stop referring to his penis as ‘the organic Stark Tower.’
Many a volunteer fangirl wanted to be on Loki’s staff.
BAD PUNS
VR_Trakowski
“The bad news is,” Bruce said with a frown, “we have wanna-be villains dressing up--they’re doing the Hokey Loki.”
Phil Coulson’s death was a perfect example of what would come to be known as an Avengers Tragedy.
Natasha hit the target square on and gave Hawkeye a haughty look; he put an arrow through her bullet hole and gave her an archer one.
“Well,” Maria said as she ran a hand over Nick’s chest, “I can see why you dropped the second ‘r’.”
No one had imagined that interrupting the Colonel and Iron Man during their private “conference” would result in such stark fury.
When it came to Odin, the Bifrost was always a Thor subject.
Thor’s discovery of Loki’s Goddess of War: The Angry Years portfolio prompted a miffed Sif GIF riff tiff and not a few biffs, but it was over in a jiff.
Cincoflex
Jane didn’t think much of her old slave Princess Leia costume but given the reaction of her lover she realized she truly was a sight for Thor eyes.
Nick Fury and Odin didn’t see eye-to-eye.
Even though Hawkeye was a straight arrow, sometimes Thor made him quiver.
Starhawk2005
It surely wasn’t easy, being the suitor of Loki’s daughter, as she demanded only the most interesting and hard-to-attain gifts from all the Realms – the Casket of Ancient Winters from Jotenheim, a complicated six-wheeled device from Vanaheim, a compact fluorescent lightbulb from Midgard, the Infinity Gauntlet from Asgard, and so on – truly, he thought, the road to Hel is paved with good inventions.