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  <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:cillab42</id>
  <title>Well, what had happened was......</title>
  <subtitle>Cillasgrl</subtitle>
  <author>
    <name>cillab42</name>
  </author>
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  <updated>2019-07-10T21:49:02Z</updated>
  <lj:journal userid="34693216" username="cillab42" type="personal"/>
  <link rel="service.feed" type="application/x.atom+xml" href="https://cillab42.livejournal.com/data/atom" title="Well, what had happened was......"/>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:cillab42:104035</id>
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    <title>New book release</title>
    <published>2019-07-10T21:47:51Z</published>
    <updated>2019-07-10T21:49:02Z</updated>
    <category term="alphatoomega2"/>
    <content type="html">This book is past the intended June release date but it is now live so please check it out.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;a href="https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07TY8BGFP/ref=sr_1_1?qid=1562558549&amp;amp;refinements=p_27%3ACilla+B.+Anthony&amp;amp;s=digital-text&amp;amp;sr=1-1&amp;amp;text=Cilla+B.+Anthony" target="_blank" rel="nofollow"&gt;Alpha to Omega book 2&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;img src="https://ic.pics.livejournal.com/cillab42/34693216/43930/43930_original.jpg" alt="" title="" fetchpriority="high"&gt;&lt;a name='cutid1-end'&gt;&lt;/a&gt;</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:cillab42:103869</id>
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    <title>New Book!</title>
    <published>2019-03-10T18:36:09Z</published>
    <updated>2019-03-10T18:43:27Z</updated>
    <category term="alphatpomega"/>
    <category term="orginalbook"/>
    <content type="html">&lt;a target='_blank' href='https://www.amazon.com/Alpha-Omega-Book-1-ebook/dp/B07PG3HVX9/ref=sr_1_fkmrnull_2?crid=1MI58BOKCYYOY&amp;keywords=cilla+b+anthony&amp;qid=1552231712&amp;s=gateway&amp;sprefix=cilla+b+%2Caps%2C392&amp;sr=8-2-fkmrnull' rel='nofollow'&gt;https://www.amazon.com/Alpha-Omega-Book-1-ebook/dp/B07PG3HVX9/ref=sr_1_fkmrnull_2?crid=1MI58BOKCYYOY&amp;keywords=cilla+b+anthony&amp;qid=1552231712&amp;s=gateway&amp;sprefix=cilla+b+%2Caps%2C392&amp;sr=8-2-fkmrnull&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;img src="https://ic.pics.livejournal.com/cillab42/34693216/43378/43378_original.jpg" alt="" title="" fetchpriority="high"&gt;&lt;a name='cutid1-end'&gt;&lt;/a&gt;</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:cillab42:103561</id>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="https://cillab42.livejournal.com/103561.html"/>
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    <title>New Christmas book</title>
    <published>2018-12-23T06:19:15Z</published>
    <updated>2018-12-23T06:19:15Z</updated>
    <category term="christmas"/>
    <content type="html">&lt;a href="https://www.amazon.com/Omega-Christmas-Cilla-B-Anthony-ebook/dp/B07LFZGXMT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&amp;amp;ie=UTF8&amp;amp;qid=1545459892&amp;amp;sr=1-1" target="_blank" rel="nofollow"&gt;An Omega for Christmas&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;img src="https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/s/44tojq2cyodqc84/912EEF26-CC66-47A1-A8AB-DE3A68B8BDD6.jpeg?dl=0" alt="" title="" fetchpriority="high"&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:cillab42:103257</id>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="https://cillab42.livejournal.com/103257.html"/>
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    <title>New Book release</title>
    <published>2018-11-05T15:54:50Z</published>
    <updated>2018-11-05T15:54:50Z</updated>
    <category term="lycan bay"/>
    <category term="inappropriate omega"/>
    <content type="html">New book release! &lt;a href="https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07K5FYF8J/ref=sr_1_sc_1?s=digital-text&amp;amp;ie=UTF8&amp;amp;qid=1541298230&amp;amp;sr=1-1-spell&amp;amp;keywords=inapporpriate+omega" target="_blank" rel="nofollow"&gt;Inappropriate Omega&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;img src="https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/s/clw0jrc4rq0k8p1/Inappropriate%20Omeg%201.jpg?dl=0" alt="" title="" fetchpriority="high"&gt;&amp;lt;img</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:cillab42:103020</id>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="https://cillab42.livejournal.com/103020.html"/>
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    <title>Removing fics</title>
    <published>2018-10-09T15:57:17Z</published>
    <updated>2018-10-13T04:02:06Z</updated>
    <category term="removing"/>
    <content type="html">On October 23 I will be removing Two Alphas walked into a bar and Heartbreak ensued and publish them as original works. Once they are removed please do not share.</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:cillab42:102839</id>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="https://cillab42.livejournal.com/102839.html"/>
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    <title>As we lay</title>
    <published>2018-10-06T05:04:21Z</published>
    <updated>2018-10-06T05:04:21Z</updated>
    <category term="aswelay"/>
    <category term="chris/chad"/>
    <content type="html">&lt;b&gt;Fic Title:&lt;/b&gt; As we lay&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;Author:&lt;/b&gt; cillab42&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;Fandom/Genre:&lt;/b&gt; Spn RPF&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;Pairing(s):&lt;/b&gt; Chris/Chad&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;Rating:&lt;/b&gt; NC17&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;Summary:&lt;/b&gt; Chris gives into his attraction to Chad and sparks fly. Can they last or is it just for one night?&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;A/N:&lt;/b&gt; This is a little something for &lt;span  class="ljuser  i-ljuser  i-ljuser-type-P     "  data-ljuser="yonkyu" lj:user="yonkyu" &gt;&lt;a href="https://yonkyu.livejournal.com/profile/"  target="_self"  class="i-ljuser-profile" &gt;&lt;img  class="i-ljuser-userhead"  src="https://l-stat.livejournal.net/img/userinfo_v8.png?v=17080&amp;v=923.1" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;a href="https://yonkyu.livejournal.com/" class="i-ljuser-username"   target="_self"   &gt;&lt;b&gt;yonkyu&lt;/b&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/span&gt; who has been craving some Chris/Chad. Thanks to &lt;span  class="ljuser  i-ljuser  i-ljuser-type-P     "  data-ljuser="jdl71" lj:user="jdl71" &gt;&lt;a href="https://jdl71.livejournal.com/profile/"  target="_self"  class="i-ljuser-profile" &gt;&lt;img  class="i-ljuser-userhead"  src="https://l-stat.livejournal.net/img/userinfo_v8.png?v=17080&amp;v=923.1" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;a href="https://jdl71.livejournal.com/" class="i-ljuser-username"   target="_self"   &gt;&lt;b&gt;jdl71&lt;/b&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/span&gt; for the fantastic art and for the beta. Any mistakes found are my own.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;img src="https://ic.pics.livejournal.com/cillab42/34693216/40823/40823_original.jpg" alt="" title="" fetchpriority="high"&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Chris Kane had a nice little buzz going and he supposed that could be used as an excuse for what he was about to do, but it wasn’t really. It wasn’t that Steve was being a bastard or that Chris was unhappy, in their relationship, because he wasn’t. How could he be unhappy in a relationship that no longer existed?&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;All of their friends thought that it was a matter of time before they got back together, but Chris knew better. He’d flirted one too many times, was late one time too many and apparently he was selfish and suddenly years of loving Steve were over. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He had spent the past month trying to win Steve back and it was working until the six beers let him admit something that he’d been trying to ignore for quite sometime now, even before he and Steve split.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Chad Michael Murray was hot as fuck.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;If he pressed the issue he could get Steve to do a one off threesome as they used to do when they were younger, but Chris didn’t think Chad’s date would appreciate that and to be honest neither would Chris. He didn’t want to share Chad and he sure as fuck didn’t want to share Steve, but if it was a possible way to get Steve back he might consider it.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He could convince Steve to go home with him for a good fuck and pretend that his ex was Chad. Well that was his intention but tonight super straight, Mr. I love pussy, stared at Chris from head to toe and licked his lips and Chris was a goner.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Once he saw that move, Chris took in his surroundings to check the lay of the land.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Jared and Jensen were in a corner making out like they were newlyweds. Sophia, Chad’s date was inside with their friends Danneel and Gen talking fashion and kids. He gave a quick glance to find his ex and found Steve in a corner arguing music with Jason, Rob and some guy whose name Chris’ hard on wouldn’t let him remember. He couldn’t find Tom and Mike so he figured they were somewhere fucking.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;As though he felt Chris’ gaze, Steve looked up from his conversation and threw Chris a smile before going back to argue his point. That little smile told him that Steve wanted him and would go home with him, but Chad was on his radar and his dick was on board. Now that he knew no  one was paying attention,  everything now was white noise as he stared back at Chad.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Tonight he was going to get a taste but he wasn’t sure how or where. It was bad enough he was going to hurt Steve but that boat had sailed, and he sure as hell wouldn‘t disrespect Jensen and Jared’s home  that way. Everyone always thought he was so tough, but Jensen Ackles would so kick his ass and then never speak to him again.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He’d take the ass whooping, but he didn’t want to lose a good friend over a one night stand that he could never tell anyone about.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The appraisal from Chad had just gone up a notch and now they were both sporting hard dicks. If he walked right now, as tight as his jeans were, the friction alone might make him come. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Chad threw his hands out gesturing what could they do because even if his dick said fuck in their best friend’s house, they’d have to walk past said friends’ pseudo-wives and Chad’s date and what a clusterfuck that would be.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Knocking back the beer he had in his hand, Chris made an announcement, “Chad and I are going on a beer run.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;After patting his pockets for his phone and his keys, Chris stared into Chad’s baby blues, adjusted himself and walked towards his car knowing that the younger man would follow. By the time he reached the car Chad was at the passenger side ready to go.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;How far he would go, Chris wasn’t sure so before they drove away, he wanted to make sure they were on the same page. “I get that you’re nervous about this, and I’m all for a hand job, son, but if this isn’t going to end with my cock in your ass tell me now, no harm, no foul.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“In my ass?” Chad nervously laughed, “what makes you think my cock won’t end up in your ass?”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“I’m okay either way, but when  you were staring at me, it was my hard dick and not my ass that had you licking your lips. Now are we on a beer run or are we fucking?”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Fucking.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Nodding, Chris exhaled a thankful breath and turned the key in the ignition a nd began to drive. He was surprised at how silent Chad was during the ride as he was the one usually someone was yelling ‘shut the fuck up’ to.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Instead of driving to an out of the way motel, Chris drove to the closest liquor store first.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;When he stopped, Chad turned toward Chris and asked, “After all that talk, did you change your mind? Are we on a beer run after all?”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Nah son,” Chris grimaced, “We need something stronger than beer to get you relaxed tonight, and since the weed is back at the house, Patron will do nicely.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“So you’re gonna get me too drunk to remember. We might as well do a beer run, because if I’m going to do this, I fucking want to remember.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“The tequila is to relax you, not get you drunk. It’s not that I don’t want you to remember, I don’t want you to forget.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;When Chad smiled at his words, Chris could not resist leaning over the gear shift and kissing that pretty pink mouth before jumping from the car and running into the store. It only took him five minutes to make his purchase and get back to the car, but the sight that greeted him made him harder than Chad staring at him all night had.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The handsome blond was sitting there with his hands on his lips as though he was still savoring the kiss Chris had given him. The over head light showed him that Chad’s sun kissed skin was flushed and his eyes were dilated and Chris gripped the steering wheel so that he wouldn’t take the man then and there.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;As tempting as he was, if this was the only time he was going to have Chad then he wanted him stretched out out on a bed, hard and naked and allowing Chris to explore all that flesh with his mouth.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He didn’t say anything to Chad he just drank in the sight  before placing the brown bag on the seat and backing out of the parking space. He was heading for the closest hotel before Chad changed his mind.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Once they were on the road he heard the top of the bottle open; a glance in Chad’s direction showed him that the blond was taking a healthy swig from the bottle. Chris hoped it was to settle his nerves because he didn’t want the tequila to give him courage to change his mind.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;When they reached the hotel, Chad grabbed the bottle and was out of the car as soon as Chris had it in park and was racing toward the door. When Chris entered he’d expected Chad to have paid for a room but he stood boyishly shy near the door and waited for Chris to check them in.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He was letting Chris take charge and fuck if Chris didn’t like that.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;With the key card burning a hole in his pocket, heading towards the elevator, Chris nodded for Chad to follow and was pleased that he did without question.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Chris entered the room first and threw his wallet and keys on the dresser before removing his black leather jacket and tossing it across a chair situated next to the dresser. When he looked up Chad was staring at him from where he stood near the door, but this time he was licking his lips.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;As though to stop himself from moving, to let Chris take control, Chad took another gulp from the bottle of Patron.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Making a face as the liquor burned a path to his stomach, Chad decided to talk. “Why do you think they called it Patron?”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Perhaps because it’s the Patron saint whose job is to get straight men out of their boxers,” Chris responded and watched as Chad took another drink.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Now it was his time to stare and he did. He stared at Chad’s Adam’s Apple as it bobbed up and down with each swallow and he wanted nothing more than to lick it. He was going to do that, but first he walked over to Chad and took the bottle from his hands.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“We can’t do this if you’re drunk. No make that I won’t do this if you’re drunk.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;img src="https://ic.pics.livejournal.com/cillab42/34693216/40347/40347_original.jpg" alt="" title="" loading="lazy"&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“I’m not getting drunk, just calming my nerves,” Chad assured Chris. “I’ve got a woman it took months for me to ask out waiting on me back at Jensen and Jared’s while I’m in a hotel with a man, and while you might not care about Steve, I don’t want to hurt Sophia. But I want...”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“I can’t imagine that I would love anyone as much as I loved Steve, but we’re over. I never thought that I would find myself in this position, lusting after the straight guy, but something about you keeps pulling at me until I can’t – I have to have you. I wish I could just walk out that door right now, but I can’t. If this doesn’t happen it’s because you have the strength to leave, because I don’t.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“So you’re going to put this all on me, huh?”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“No, Chad I’m not, but I was hoping that you were stronger than me.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“So does that make me weak in your eyes?”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Shaking his head, Chris said, “no, it just make you human. All of this talking should be a turn off but even this conversation with you has made me hard.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Chad blushed.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“You know I never thought I’d be attracted to a man, and if I was theoretically, it seems that it would be Jared or Jensen.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Why is that?” Chris growled as he walked toward Chad.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Well, Jared has that body, but Jensen is kind of perfect. Those eyes and the freckles, and while everyone talks about his lips, they should be talking about yours.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Giving Chad a lopsided grin, Chris asked, “what about my lips?”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Chad reached out and traced them, “they’re full and plump and I spend a lot of time wondering how they’d feel against mine.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Chris sucked the finger into his mouth and bit down lightly on the digit and grew a little harder when Chad moaned. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Reluctantly he released the finger and asked, “how do they feel now?”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Good, but they’d feel better against mine.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Shrugging, Chris reached up and pulled Chad’s head down and pressed their lips together and he felt as though he’d been struck by lightning. As badly as his body ached for the younger man, Chris didn’t rush the kiss; he savored him as though he was the last bite of a perfectly cooked steak.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Chad had talked about Chris’ mouth however, the spit slick pink lips he was finally tasting were soft and sweet and Chris loved the taste. At first all he could taste was the liquor but as he nipped, bit and kissed the flavor that eventually come through was pure Chad.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“I want…” Chad attempted to vocalize his wants and Chris heard the frustration and he tried to help him.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“I want your hands on me,” Chris told him as he took Chad’s hand and placed it on his denim covered dick. It felt so good to have the younger man’s hand on him but the pleasure was short lived when he jerked his hand away.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“I don’t know what to do.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Yes you do,” Chris corrected him. “Just do to me what you like done to you.” When he saw the skepticism on Chad’s face he took the hand and again placed it on his crotch and began to instruct. “Unzip me and take me in your hand and stroke me.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The instructions seemed to break through the skepticism as Chad did as he was told. He was going to talk Chad through his first hand job but the feel of the soft hand on his hard dick made him lose his train of thought.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Thankfully he didn’t have to continue the lessons as Chad began to slowly stroke. At first the strokes were tentative and Chad blushed furiously as he gave his first hand job, but when Chris moaned at how good it felt to finally be touched by the blond. Chad’s tongue appeared as he concentrated on making Chris come.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“‘S good Chad,” Chris moaned just before Chad twisted his hand and wrung a moan so guttural that it sounded like a growl. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Chris looked down at the hand that was giving him so much pleasure. As Chad became more confident in what he was doing, he made Chris feel so good that his knees buckled and he had to reach up and place his hand on Chad’s shoulder as he pleasured him.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;When he looked up, that pink tongue was still held captive between Chad’s teeth as he focused on Chris.  Chris moved his hands from Chad’s shoulders until they were tangled in his short blond hair and pulled his head down and sucked that organ into his mouth.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Chad stiffened at the feel of Chris’ mouth on him, but he must have liked the feel of their tongues stroking against one another. He relaxed his body and tightened his grip on Chris’ dick as he moved his hand faster.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He was going to come and he wanted to do that inside Chad so he mustered up all of his strength and pulled away, “wanna come inside you,” Chris panted.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Chad reached out to unbutton Chris’ shirt but the older man stepped out of his reach, “if you touch me right now I’m so fucking turned on I’ll come. Let me watch you undress before I undress myself.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Chad smiled and took off his sweater and t-shirt at the same time and Chris began to drool. Chad’s body was perfect. He wasn’t huge like Jared, but he was hard in all the right places and Chris wanted to touch. He was about to when Chad unzipped his pants pushing them down until he was standing there in his boxer briefs and Chris just stared.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;His eyes lovingly traced the outline of Chad’s long slim cock to the wet spot at the top. Suddenly Chris wanted to taste. He walked over to Chad, dropped to his knees, and rubbed his face against Chad’s dick before he slowly peel the boxers down and revealed his prize. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Chad’s dick was a work of art.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;It was thicker than Chris originally thought but it was long. Instead of taking it into his mouth he looked up at Chad silently asking if he could taste and Chad just nodded. In answer Chris slid the dick in his mouth until it was at the back of his throat.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Chad grabbed his hair by the handful and said, “good goddamn that feels good.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;As Chad held, on Chris realized that he was the first man to do this for the blond and if he had his way he would be the last one. He wanted what Jared and Jensen had and he felt that he could have that with this man.  He relaxed his throat and let Chad slip into his throat and smiled around Chad’s dick when he pulled tighter on his hair.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;With that encouragement, Chris pressed his tongue along the vein on the underside  and follow it to the from the base until ended under the mushroom cap. He bobbed his head up and down enjoying the feel of Chad in his mouth and the taste of precome on his tongue. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Taking a finger, Chris slipped it inside his mouth to get it wet before reaching around between Chad’s crevice and slipped the finger inside causing Chad to jump and force his dick even further down Chris’ throat.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Pulling off, Chris looked at Chad and said, “relax, I’m just opening you up.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Chad stood still and when Chris tried to repeat the move, Chad clenched down.  Chris couldn’t get his finger inside Chad, so Chris took that delicious dick back inside his mouth and Chad let him inside and after a couple of strokes with his mouth and finger, Chad spread his leg and threw his head back in pleasure.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;When Chris added the second finger Chad was panting like he was running.  He stopped breathing when  Chris crooked his fingers and hit that little bundle of nerves.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“What the fuck was that, do it again,” he begged and Chris obliged and found Chad clenching down on his fingers so hard he thought they’d break as he came down Chris’ throat.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Bed now,” Chris ordered hoarsely as he cleaned his chin of come. He thought that Chad would balk when it came to the actual fucking, but he moved to the bed as fast as his weak legs would let him.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“How?” Chad asked and as much as he would have loved to have him face to face, he instructed him to get on his knees because it would cause him less pain.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;As Chad put himself into position, Chris rummaged through the pockets of his jeans and retrieved a condom and a small packet of lube. As he put the protection on he envisioned Chad doing this for him and felt his dick jerk at the thought.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;After he lubed himself and Chad, Chris lined up to Chad’s entrance and slowly pushed inside. Once again  Chad clenched down, Chris leaned forward and covered Chad’s back until he could whisper in his ear, “relax for me baby and I’ll send you flying higher than I did with my fingers.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;As he lined up again he felt Chad tense.  He began to plant kisses on that soft patch of skin behind Chad’s ear and pull on his hardening dick. He would have loved to suck down and leave his mark but it would be hard for Chad to explain tomorrow.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;As Chad relaxed Chris slowly pushed forward until he was fully seated. The  tight virgin ass was squeezing so hard he thought his dick would break off. “Are you okay?” Chris asked Chad.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Don’t move yet,” C had implored, “I need to get used to you, feel so full.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;To help Chad relax under Chris onslaught, Chris reached around and began to pump Chad’s now flaccid dick and brought it back to life and Chad was now pushing back into his dick.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Please tell me I can move now,” Chris begged and Chad responded by pushing back until Chris placed his hands on Chad’s hips to slow him down as he began to move, “stop let me set the pace.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;As much as the tightness beckoned him to go faster, Chris moved slowly. He didn’t want to leave the man bleeding and in pain, but he wanted him to remember Chris when he sat down. God he felt so good, he finally had Chad where he wanted him and it was better than he had anticipated.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The feel of his dick plowing through the tightness felt as though he was carving out a spot just for himself and afterwards no one else would fit. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;With each stroke he felt fire light up each of his nerve endings and to make sure that Chad felt the same Chris reached down and tugged on Chad’s semi hard cock. As it began hardening in his hand he knew that the fire was going through Chad as well. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;For the first time in a long time he wanted to be raw, to feel skin on skin and when he came Chad could carry some of him with him when they left this room.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Now that he had Chad moaning under him, Chris changed his angle and dragged his dick across Chad’s prostate and chuckled when the man’s knees almost gave out f rom under him.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Do that again, that felt so fucking good,” Chad demanded and Chris obliged.  The next few strokes over those nerves were meant to drive Chad crazy, and they did. The man was bucking under him and trying to speed up Chris’ strokes. Chris had just enough presence of mind to go slow at first, but he did pick up the pace.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“I feel so full, Chris,” Chad moaned, “I didn’t know anything could feel this good.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Those were the words that made Chris go faster and the fire that had been lighting up his body now centralized in his spine and traveled downward. He was determined that Chad was going to come before him. He sped up the strokes on Chad’s cock and made sure that each pass of his dick traveled over the man’s prostate until soon his body was stiffening and Chris knew Chad was close.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He leaned forward again and said softly, “come for me Chad,”  before going upright again.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He’d barely whispered those words when Chad  contracted around him so tightly that he was seeing stars. Once that channel tightened around him he began pumping his hips forward until he lost the rhythm he’d built up. He felt that fire speed down his hips and he was coming so hard the stars multiplied behind his eyes.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The condom had barely filled up when the doubts set in. Was this a one off with Chad or would he go back to his friend’s home and take up where he had left of with Sophia; this being a dirty little secret between them.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He and Steve were nothing but fuck buddies but after this night with Chad that was no longer an option for Chris, it was Chad or nothing.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“You know I always laughed at Jared and Jensen, never understood how two dudes could…”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“It was so good I left you speechless huh?” Chris teased as they lay there still connected because Chris wasn’t ready to let Chad go just yet.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“You left me sleepy and feeling so good I can’t keep my eyes open, can we rest a while?”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Yeah, we can,” Chris smiled as he eased out of Chad and felt the loss immediately. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He rolled out of the bed and walked into the bathroom and peeled the condom off before getting a wet washcloth to clean them up with. H e carefully checked Chad to make sure he hadn’t hurt him and was pleased that the only thing he saw was a puffy opening.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Happy with what he saw, Chris climbed into the bed and crawled up against  Chad and went to sleep.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;At first he wasn’t  sure what woke him, but as Chad moved, Chris realized that it was Chad’s ass brushing up against his dick. He was about  to wake Chad for a second round when he noticed the bedside clock; they’d slept for three hours. He was sure that the others  would be worried about them.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;So he wouldn’t be tempted, Chris dressed before he woke Chad.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Why’re you dressed, Chris?” Chad asked a s Chris took in his hard cock making him hard against his zipper. “We need to take care of this.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“We have to leave, they’re gonna be worried about us.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Please,” Chad begged.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He wanted to fuck him, to bury himself back into that tight hole, but if he did that they would never make it back before dawn. He went on his knees and took Chad in his mouth again; the only thing he could do in the limited time they had together.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;When that made it back to the house everyone was worried, he expected them to be. But they were both actors so when Chris made up a lie about them drinking the beer and flirting with some girls, Chad followed along as though he’d had a script.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Sophia was angry, but it seemed that Steve was horny and went to kiss him. When Steve leaned in to kiss him, Chris turned his head and pretended that his breath was awful from the drinking. It was, but  there was no way he was going to kiss Steve with the taste of Chad’s dick still in his mouth.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Let’s  go get something to eat,” Jensen said out of the blue and that’s when Chris knew that his friend knew what had happened between himself and Chad. He also knew that he didn’t want to be alone with Steve and from Chad’s body language, he didn’t want to be with Sophia.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Yeah,” Chris agreed and everyone headed for the cars to go to their favorite all night breakfast place. Chris, Chad and Steve rode with Jared and Jensen. Chris was still worried about Chad, would he still want him after tonight? Apparently that worry showed on his face as Jensen gave him a concerned look in the rearview mirror. That worry ended as he felt Chad rub his leg against his in the darkness of the back seat. Chris gave Jensen a smile letting him know that everything was going to be alright. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;End&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;a name='cutid1-end'&gt;&lt;/a&gt;</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:cillab42:102572</id>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="https://cillab42.livejournal.com/102572.html"/>
    <link rel="self" type="text/xml" href="https://cillab42.livejournal.com/data/atom/?itemid=102572"/>
    <title>New Book</title>
    <published>2018-09-22T19:27:11Z</published>
    <updated>2018-09-22T19:31:18Z</updated>
    <category term="lycan bay"/>
    <category term="orginal book"/>
    <content type="html">&lt;a href="https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07HKPHGVC/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;amp;qid=1537588946&amp;amp;sr=8-1&amp;amp;keywords=inadequate+omega" target="_blank" rel="nofollow"&gt;Inadequate Omega&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;a href="https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07HKPHGVC/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;amp;qid=1537588946&amp;amp;sr=8-1&amp;amp;keywords=inadequate+omega" target="_blank" rel="nofollow"&gt;&lt;a name='cutid2-end'&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;img src="https://ic.pics.livejournal.com/cillab42/34693216/40150/40150_original.jpg" alt="" title="" fetchpriority="high"&gt;&lt;/a&gt;</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:cillab42:101867</id>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="https://cillab42.livejournal.com/101867.html"/>
    <link rel="self" type="text/xml" href="https://cillab42.livejournal.com/data/atom/?itemid=101867"/>
    <title>My new book</title>
    <published>2018-07-19T22:15:12Z</published>
    <updated>2018-07-19T22:16:04Z</updated>
    <category term="orginalbook"/>
    <category term="lycan bay"/>
    <category term="improperomega"/>
    <content type="html">&lt;a href="https://www.amazon.com/Improper-Omega-Lycan-Pack-Book-ebook/dp/B07FNZTXGY/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&amp;amp;ie=UTF8&amp;amp;qid=1532033912&amp;amp;sr=1-1&amp;amp;keywords=cilla+b+anthony" target="_blank" rel="nofollow"&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;img src="https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/s/szpi15jff7zo44y/improper_omaga_e.jpg?dl=0" alt="" title="" fetchpriority="high"&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;a name='cutid1-end'&gt;&lt;/a&gt;</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:cillab42:101420</id>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="https://cillab42.livejournal.com/101420.html"/>
    <link rel="self" type="text/xml" href="https://cillab42.livejournal.com/data/atom/?itemid=101420"/>
    <title>.99 sale</title>
    <published>2018-04-22T10:34:12Z</published>
    <updated>2018-04-22T10:40:27Z</updated>
    <category term="omega"/>
    <category term="original"/>
    <category term="sale"/>
    <content type="html">My Book is on sale for the next 2 days for .99 Go &lt;a href="https://www.amazon.com/Irrelevant-Omega-Lycan-Bay-Pack-ebook/dp/B078WFBYDN/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&amp;amp;qid=1522870263&amp;amp;sr=8-1&amp;amp;keywords=Irrelevant+Omega,+Cilla+B.+Anthony&amp;amp;linkCode=sl1&amp;amp;tag=redheadedbook-20&amp;amp;linkId=cf582b8c059ce65a83a4c0492821da4a" target="_blank" rel="nofollow"&gt;here&lt;/a&gt;</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:cillab42:101194</id>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="https://cillab42.livejournal.com/101194.html"/>
    <link rel="self" type="text/xml" href="https://cillab42.livejournal.com/data/atom/?itemid=101194"/>
    <title>Sale</title>
    <published>2018-02-08T19:38:59Z</published>
    <updated>2018-03-16T12:51:29Z</updated>
    <category term="orginal book"/>
    <category term="sale"/>
    <content type="html">My book is on sale this wee for $0.99&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;div class='ljparseerror'&gt;[&lt;b&gt;Error:&lt;/b&gt; Irreparable invalid markup ('&amp;lt;a [...] omega&amp;quot;&amp;gt;') in entry.  Owner must fix manually.  Raw contents below.]&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;div style="width: 95%; overflow: auto"&gt;My book is on sale this wee for &amp;#36;0.99&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&amp;lt;a href=https://www.amazon.com/Irrelevant-Omega-Lycan-Bay-Pack-ebook/dp/B078WFBYDN/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;amp;qid=1521143845&amp;amp;sr=8-1&amp;amp;keywords=cilla+b+anthonyIrrevelent Omega&amp;quot;&amp;gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:cillab42:100927</id>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="https://cillab42.livejournal.com/100927.html"/>
    <link rel="self" type="text/xml" href="https://cillab42.livejournal.com/data/atom/?itemid=100927"/>
    <title>Original book</title>
    <published>2018-01-12T18:25:01Z</published>
    <updated>2018-03-16T13:08:32Z</updated>
    <category term="irrevelentomega"/>
    <category term="originalwork"/>
    <category term="thankserin"/>
    <category term="thanksmasja"/>
    <content type="html">So I took the plunge and here is my first original book, wish me luck! &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;img src="https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/s/416wn88w8y2ujqu/Photo%20Oct%2029%2C%2012%2016%200%20PM.jpg?dl=0" alt="" title="" fetchpriority="high"&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;a href="https://www.amazon.com/ Irrelevant-Omega-Lycan-Bay- Pack-ebook/dp/B078WFBYDN/ref= sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;amp;qid=1515779409&amp;amp; sr=8-1&amp;amp;keywords=cilla+b+ anthony   .  Venus" target="_blank" rel="nofollow"&gt;Irrelevent Omega&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Venus&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;a name='cutid1-end'&gt;&lt;/a&gt;</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:cillab42:100618</id>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="https://cillab42.livejournal.com/100618.html"/>
    <link rel="self" type="text/xml" href="https://cillab42.livejournal.com/data/atom/?itemid=100618"/>
    <title>New Year, different goals</title>
    <published>2018-01-02T07:37:13Z</published>
    <updated>2018-01-02T07:37:13Z</updated>
    <category term="2018"/>
    <category term="new year"/>
    <content type="html">It seems as though the past few years I’ve started out the year grieving over a family members death and this year is no different. I lost my sister almost three weeks ago and this death has hit me harder than the others. I don’t know if it’s because she was my big sister or because we were of the same generation. Add that to being sick for most of last year and it all takes a toll.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;With that being said, I’m taking a new direction this year and am not going to try for a specific word count for J2 this year as I won’t be writing much, J2 that is. This year I’m going to focus on original stories and self publishing. I have been writing and have one book in a series completed, a second waiting for a rewrite and a third halfway through the first draft for a total of almost 200k words. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;I want to thank &lt;span  class="ljuser  i-ljuser  i-ljuser-type-P     "  data-ljuser="masja_17" lj:user="masja_17" &gt;&lt;a href="https://masja-17.livejournal.com/profile/"  target="_self"  class="i-ljuser-profile" &gt;&lt;img  class="i-ljuser-userhead"  src="https://l-stat.livejournal.net/img/userinfo_v8.png?v=17080&amp;v=923.1" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;a href="https://masja-17.livejournal.com/" class="i-ljuser-username"   target="_self"   &gt;&lt;b&gt;masja_17&lt;/b&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/span&gt; and &lt;span  class="ljuser  i-ljuser  i-ljuser-type-     "  data-ljuser="yonku" lj:user="yonku" &gt;&lt;a href="#"  target="_self"  class="i-ljuser-profile" &gt;&lt;img  class="i-ljuser-userhead"  src="https://l-stat.livejournal.net/img/userinfo-disabled.gif?v=25801&amp;v=923.1" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;a href="#" class="i-ljuser-username"  style="color:#FF0000;"   target="_self"   &gt;&lt;b&gt;yonku&lt;/b&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/span&gt; for all of their help while dealing with personal issues of their own. I’d also like to thank &lt;span  class="ljuser  i-ljuser  i-ljuser-type-P     "  data-ljuser="meus_venator" lj:user="meus_venator" &gt;&lt;a href="https://meus-venator.livejournal.com/profile/"  target="_self"  class="i-ljuser-profile" &gt;&lt;img  class="i-ljuser-userhead"  src="https://l-stat.livejournal.net/img/userinfo_v8.png?v=17080&amp;v=923.1" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;a href="https://meus-venator.livejournal.com/" class="i-ljuser-username"   target="_self"   &gt;&lt;b&gt;meus_venator&lt;/b&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/span&gt; for answering random questions for me. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Happy New year everyone and wish me luck!&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Venus</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:cillab42:100605</id>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="https://cillab42.livejournal.com/100605.html"/>
    <link rel="self" type="text/xml" href="https://cillab42.livejournal.com/data/atom/?itemid=100605"/>
    <title>RIP, Alma</title>
    <published>2017-12-06T06:35:52Z</published>
    <updated>2017-12-06T06:35:52Z</updated>
    <category term="ripalma"/>
    <content type="html">Another year, another loss. Today my big sister passed and even though I knew it was going to happen, it was still unexpected and painful. Very painful. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;I wasn't solely responsible for her care as I had been for my mother, my niece bore the brunt of that, I was there to watch as her body withered away until she was no longer recognizable as the vibrant, beautiful woman I once knew.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;My heart aches for my niece who has lost both of her parents in three years time. She went from a little girl to a woman with the things that were thrust upon her at her father's death, so please, anyone reading this hold her up in your prayers tonight.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Venus</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:cillab42:100155</id>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="https://cillab42.livejournal.com/100155.html"/>
    <link rel="self" type="text/xml" href="https://cillab42.livejournal.com/data/atom/?itemid=100155"/>
    <title>Two A.M.</title>
    <published>2017-07-16T04:34:28Z</published>
    <updated>2017-07-16T04:36:22Z</updated>
    <category term="top!jared"/>
    <category term="twink!jensen"/>
    <category term="smpc"/>
    <category term="bottom!jensen"/>
    <category term="j2"/>
    <content type="html">&lt;b&gt;Fic Title:&lt;/b&gt; &lt;a href="http://cillab42.livejournal.com/100155.html" target="_blank"&gt;Two A.M.&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;Author:&lt;/b&gt;  &lt;span  class="ljuser  i-ljuser  i-ljuser-type-P     "  data-ljuser="cillab42" lj:user="cillab42" &gt;&lt;a href="https://cillab42.livejournal.com/profile/"  target="_self"  class="i-ljuser-profile" &gt;&lt;img  class="i-ljuser-userhead"  src="https://l-stat.livejournal.net/img/userinfo_v8.png?v=17080&amp;v=923.1" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;a href="https://cillab42.livejournal.com/" class="i-ljuser-username"   target="_self"   &gt;&lt;b&gt;cillab42&lt;/b&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/span&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;Fandom/Genre:&lt;/b&gt; Spn RPF&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;Pairing(s):&lt;/b&gt; Jared/Jensen&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;Rating:&lt;/b&gt; NC17&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;Summary:&lt;/b&gt; Jared gets a surprise guest his first night in his new home.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;A/N: This has not been beta'd, and yeah the mistakes are mine.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Jared wasn’t sure what woke him, but he swore he heard something in the house. The new house in the gated community that he realtor boasted had very little crime. His years in a crime ridden neighborhood made him doubt that so he always kept a weapon nearby. Having just moved into the house the closest thing to a weapon he had handy was a baseball bat, so he grabbed it from under the corner near the closet and his phone from the nightstand before quietly heading downstairs.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;As he slowly made his way towards whom or whatever had invaded his space, Jared felt his heart beat increase. The closer he got to the noise the louder his heartbeat became and by the time he made it to the kitchen, he wasn’t sure if the noise he heard was the intruder or the sound of his heart.  &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Taking a deep breath to calm himself down, Jared was able to concentrate and hear that the noise was coming from outside. Easing the French doors that led to the patio open, Jared wondered if he should call the police or at least the guard on duty. Because this was a secure community, he wanted to make sure there was an intruder and not embarrass himself for calling for help about a raccoon.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;To get a grip on the bat, Jared tucked his phone into his waistband before stepping out onto the patio, the first thing he noticed was that his intruder wasn’t a raccoon. Instead of a wild animal, he found someone taking a dip into his pool, and when that someone pulled himself up to the side of the pool, Jared almost dropped his bat at the beautiful sight before him.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The man was naked.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The intruder was small, well smaller than Jared, with pale skin which shone under the moonlight and when he completely was out of the pool, the sight of the firm ass made his mouth water. Jared wanted to spread those cheeks and taste the treasure he knew he would find there.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Clearing his throat so it wouldn’t crack from his arousal, “who are you and why are you trespassing on my property? Leave before I hurt you.” &lt;br /&gt;When he said hurt, he didn’t mean hurt by shoving his cock into the twink with one thrust.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Leave now!” He tried again.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;His huge six feet five frame frightened most people, but in case this naked man needed convincing, Jared lifted the bat to swing if he needed to defend himself.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Sooo, which bat you planning to use on me?” The man asked as he looked at Jared’s crotch. “because I gotta tell you, I prefer the one you’ve got tucked away in your boxers.”&lt;br /&gt;Having forgotten that he was in his boxer briefs, Jared looked down and saw that his dick was flying at full staff and stopped him from being as scary as he’d hoped. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;When the man stepped closer, Jared saw that this was a kid and he took a step back as though he’d been burned. The kid was sexy as fuck, but he was still a kid and the way Jared’s body reacted he needed him gone, “If you don’t leave now I’ll call security and have them come and escort you out.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;When the boy moved closer, Jared dropped the bat and held out his hand as he reached for his phone with the other. Keeping his eyes on the kid, he prayed that he didn’t grab his dick by accident because that’s what he was dying to do.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“You mean Misha?” the boy laughed. “If I give him a blow job he’ll look the other way.”&lt;br /&gt;Suddenly Jared was angry, and he knew it was because he was jealous at the thought of someone other than him touching his-this boy. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“You trade sex for silence often?” &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“No, and especially not with Misha since he’d prefer tits to go along with the set of lips on his dick.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“So if not with Misha, then who?” Jared had to know because he wanted in but he didn’t want to be part of a crowd. He’d sown his wild oats when he was younger, but now at thirty he’d settled down and didn’t want to help someone sow theirs.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;That was petty, yes, but he was in a different place than this young man, and he didn’t want to be interested, but his dick wasn’t listening to him. When blow jobs were mentioned, Jared swore he became harder, and he didn’t think that was possible yet his dick was growing harder by the second.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Why, you interested,” smirking, the boy walked closer and as he asked. “And don’t bother lying because I can see your cock twitching from here and that tells me that you want me as much as I want you.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Sucking in a deep breath to steady himself, Jared said, “maybe, but I’m not into kids so go home and keep out of my pool. It’s two a.m. Won’t your family be worried that you’re gone?”&lt;br /&gt;The kid shrugged and said, “They would if they knew I was gone, but while they  think I’m in my room, I slipped over the fence for a swim because I like this pool better than ours.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“There can’t be that big of a difference in a pool.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Sure there is, I can swim naked here, with family around not so much, and I case you’re worried, I’m legal, so no one is going to cry rape on my behalf, and I won’t unless it a kink of yours.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;If he gave in, the kid wouldn't be the first person Jared has fucked withthin minutes of meeting them, at the gaming conventions he has been buried deep in someone in less time that it took to have this conversation. His house was his safe place, his sanctuary and he didn’t want to ruin his peace with a hook up with his neighbor's kid.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“No.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“No, it’s not a kink, or no you’re not worried? If its not a kink then what are you into?”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“No, it not a kink and no I’m not going to fuck you, this is just morning wood.” &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Suuure, if that’s the lie you want to tell yourself,” the boy sighed.  “If you’re not going to fuck me how about feeding me, swimming makes me hungry, and besides, if you change your mind we’ll have the energy to go longer.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Jared watched as this kid retrieved his pile of clothes and tracked into his house as though he lived there. Shaking his head, Jared followed. He was going to tell the kid to leave, but when he walked inside, he became mesmerized by the greenest eyes he’d ever see. And freckles. Jared loved freckles, and pouty lips and little twinks that he could pick up and manipulate into any position he wanted.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“I don’t have any food in the house, I can call for pizza,” Jared said as he caved in. “I’ll call while I get dressed.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Once he was back upstairs, Jared hadn’t asked the kid what he’d wanted on the pizza, so he ordered two meat lovers and hoped that was okay. He pulled on his jeans and a wife beater pretending that he didn’t know that the simple outfit showed off his body and that this night wasn’t going to end up with that kid in his bed.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He walked around his bedroom trying to talk himself out of going back downstairs hoping his visitor would get tired of waiting and go home, but when the door bell rang signaling the pizzas arrival, he knew he couldn’t hide any longer. As he jogged downstairs, he’d half convinced himself that the kid had left, but he was there waiting when Jared went to the door.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Sighing, he took the boxes from the delivery man and his guest took the boxes as Jared paid and sauntered into the kitchen. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Entering the kitchen a few minutes later, Jared felt his deck engorge as he watched those plump lips eat a slice of pizza; he’d never seen anything that erotic in his life. Mesmerized by the sight, Jared stood and watched but was pulled out of the moment when the kid spoke,&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“You gonna stand and watch or you join me, Jared.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He’d never told the boy his name, but apparently, that was unnecessary because the kind knew who he was. The idea that he was being set up killed his hard-on.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Okay so how do you know my name?” Jared asked in a hard tone as he looked at the grinning boy, “and since we’re on a first name basis, how about sharing yours with me.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Jensen,” the kids said as he sucked on a string of hot mozzarella and almost made Jared forget why he was angry.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Well, Jensen it’s time for you to go,” he told his uninvited guest with less heat than he’d intended.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Jensen stared at him as swallowed the bite of pizza he’d been chewing and Jared bit back a moan as he watched the Adam’s apple move up and down wondering could Jensen take him that deep and how would it feel.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Why’re you trying to get rid of me, Jared?” Jensen asked as he walked towards Jared, “I’ve wanted you since I saw you and your gaming team at the convention center. Imagine my surprise when I found out that Jarpad82 was going to be my neighbor.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Stalking much?”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“’M not stalking. it’s just that I’ve wanted to meet you, to fuck you since I stumbled across you and some twink - who totally didn’t deserve the time you wasted on him by the way- in an alley behind the building while your team was on a break in Miami.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The thought of Jensen watching him made his dick jerk so hard Jared thought he was going to come. He remembered the boy because of all the guys he had to choose from, he chose the one twink who didn’t know what he was doing and left Jared more frustrated than he’d been at the beginning of their encounter. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Even though his dick was now back on board with fucking Jensen, what little function his higher brain had told him this was a bad idea; Clenching his fists, Jared said, “we’re neighbors, and this will make everything weird. I can’t.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;With those words, the devilish glint in Jensen’s eye and the smile on the plump lips disappeared. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Fine you don’t want to take care of me, then I’ll take care of myself.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;With that declaration, Jared watched as Jensen unzipped the pants he’d donned earlier sans underwear, and pulled out his cock. Jared was about to lie and protest, but instead of Jensen moving towards Jared, he spat on his hand and began stripping his dick and Jared could only stare.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Watching Jensen jerk off was the prettiest sight Jared had ever seen. His thick veiny cock was red and spitting precome as Jensen stroked himself. He ran his fingers through the fluid gathered there, and the sight of his actions tested the limits of Jared’s control not to grab that hand and lick it clean.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Just when he was about to give into temptation, Jensen turned around and slid the tip of his come covered finger into his tight ass and pulled a moan from Jared.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He watched as Jensen repeated the action, but he wanted an even better view; so, reaching forward, Jared spread those firm ass check and licked his pink lips as Jensen slid his finger back inside his ass.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Jared watched as that finger was joined by another and sank further into the cavern of Jensen’s body making Jared wish he was the digits.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Fuck me, Jared. Please.” Jensen begged and who was Jared to deny this boy. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“We don’t have anything,” Jared whined. As much as he wanted this kid right now, Jared was still aware enough to remember a condom.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“My front pocket.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Jared ran his hand along Jensen’s hip and down the groove of his hip to the hard dick which he gave a stroke until moving down the pocket of Jensen’s jeans.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Jared came prepared with several condoms and lube packets. The action made Jared wonder that if Jensen was this aggressive with the men he meets, then Jared was glad he had enough sense to protect himself.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;As he put the condom on, he almost stopped when he watched as Jensen brought his fingers back to his ass and stretched himself. Making quick work of the condom, Jared lubed up his cock and slowly pulled Jensen’s fingers out once they were gone Jared placed some lube at Jensen’s entrance before pushing forward.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Fuck, so tight,” Jared groaned.  “It’s almost like you’re a…” Stilling himself, Jared asked. “is this your first time?”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Please don’t stop was,” was Jensen’s response. “I’ll die if you do.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“So would I, not gonna stop just gonna go slower.”&lt;br /&gt;A man of his word, Jared moved slowly until he was fully seated and as badly as he wanted to, he didn’t move until Jensen was ready.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;It only took four strokes on Jensen’s prostate to make the boy come hard, His vise like grip on Jared’s cock had the older man come shortly afterwards.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;As Jared leaned over Jensen’s back, he said, “for being such a good boy, you get to help me break in all of the rooms.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;End&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;a name='cutid1-end'&gt;&lt;/a&gt;</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:cillab42:90536</id>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="https://cillab42.livejournal.com/90536.html"/>
    <link rel="self" type="text/xml" href="https://cillab42.livejournal.com/data/atom/?itemid=90536"/>
    <title>I'm no good without you</title>
    <published>2017-04-02T05:24:14Z</published>
    <updated>2017-04-02T06:24:14Z</updated>
    <category term="abusive!jared"/>
    <category term="songfic"/>
    <category term="smpc"/>
    <category term="j2"/>
    <category term="abused!jensen"/>
    <content type="html">&lt;strong&gt;Fic Title: &lt;/strong&gt; I’m no good without you&lt;br /&gt;&lt;strong&gt;Author: &lt;/strong&gt; &lt;span  class="ljuser  i-ljuser  i-ljuser-type-P     "  data-ljuser="cillab42" lj:user="cillab42" &gt;&lt;a href="https://cillab42.livejournal.com/profile/"  target="_self"  class="i-ljuser-profile" &gt;&lt;img  class="i-ljuser-userhead"  src="https://l-stat.livejournal.net/img/userinfo_v8.png?v=17080&amp;v=923.1" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;a href="https://cillab42.livejournal.com/" class="i-ljuser-username"   target="_self"   &gt;&lt;b&gt;cillab42&lt;/b&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/span&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;strong&gt;Fandom/Genre: &lt;/strong&gt; J2&lt;br /&gt;&lt;strong&gt;Pairing(s): &lt;/strong&gt; Jared/Jensen, Chris Kane/Chad Michael Murray&lt;br /&gt;&lt;strong&gt;Rating: &lt;/strong&gt; NC17&lt;br /&gt;&lt;strong&gt;Word Count: &lt;/strong&gt; 4026&lt;br /&gt;&lt;strong&gt;Warnings: &lt;/strong&gt; breath!play, abusive!jared, abused!jensen, voyeurism, manipulative!jared&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;Summary&lt;/b&gt;: Jared is no good for Jensen, but he just can’t seem to stay away.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;A/N:&lt;/b&gt; This fic was written for this month’s &lt;span  class="ljuser  i-ljuser  i-ljuser-type-C     "  data-ljuser="smpc" lj:user="smpc" &gt;&lt;a href="https://smpc.livejournal.com/profile/"  target="_self"  class="i-ljuser-profile" &gt;&lt;img  class="i-ljuser-userhead"  src="https://l-stat.livejournal.net/img/community.png?v=556&amp;v=923.1" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;a href="https://smpc.livejournal.com/" class="i-ljuser-username"   target="_self"   &gt;&lt;b&gt;smpc&lt;/b&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/span&gt; and is based on Rhianna’s Love on the brain. I do not advocate abusive relationships so please don’t berate me in the comments, this is my take on the song. Thanks &lt;span  class="ljuser  i-ljuser  i-ljuser-type-P     "  data-ljuser="masja_17" lj:user="masja_17" &gt;&lt;a href="https://masja-17.livejournal.com/profile/"  target="_self"  class="i-ljuser-profile" &gt;&lt;img  class="i-ljuser-userhead"  src="https://l-stat.livejournal.net/img/userinfo_v8.png?v=17080&amp;v=923.1" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;a href="https://masja-17.livejournal.com/" class="i-ljuser-username"   target="_self"   &gt;&lt;b&gt;masja_17&lt;/b&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/span&gt; again for the excellent beta skills, any mistakes found are my own. I do not own Jared, Jensen or any of the people mentioned in the fic, I just borrowed their likeness.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;It had been ages since Jensen had gone out, but tonight his friends Christian and Chad had convinced him to stop hiding away. He wasn’t hiding, he was just too embarrassed after that last incident with his ex-boyfriend, Jared Padalecki. Okay, that might be classified as hiding, but it sounded better than licking his wounds which was what Jensen had been doing, both literally and figuratively.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He and Jared’s relationship had always been volatile; there had been a lot of yelling and screaming, but their last night together Jared had crossed the line and actually hit him. The idiot that he was became so goddamned turned on that instead of walking away; he let Jared fuck him raw against the brick wall in an alley behind the bar.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Jensen’s small, but he’s not a fragile person, but given his twink look; bowed legs, blonde hair, huge gamine green eyes framed by lashes that Maybelline wished it could duplicate. As if that wasn’t enough, then there were the pink pouty lips that every man he met wanted to slide their cock between, is what made everyone else think otherwise. That night when he walked back into the bar, battered, bruised and obviously freshly fucked and grimacing from the pain, their friends lost their minds.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;What Jensen thought was a fucked out look, the blossoming bruises on his face said otherwise and sides were chosen. Well not so much as sides because everyone cut ties with Jared, even Jared’s best friend Chad and that made things awkward because Chad was friends with Jared's older brother Jeff as well. Jensen had tried to tell them that he hadn’t been raped, that he participated, but the fractured ribs and the swollen lips made a liar out of him.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He hadn’t asked for the beating, but he did want the make up sex because Jared was amazing when he was apologizing with his dick. He was tender and kind, yet slightly rough, making Jensen want to give him more reasons to apologize.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;That was six months ago, and although his friends thought he hadn’t seen Jared since then, he has seen his ex. Okay, he’s fucked the man, but who could blame him? As much as he tried, he couldn’t keep away from Jared for long. Jared was six and a half feet of sex on muscular legs, and he made Jensen forget about why he shouldn’t go near him each time they met. Well at least until after the sex.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;While still on an orgasmic high, they discussed trying their relationship again, but then Jared became possessive and verbal threats became a physical force, and that wasn’t a turn on. They were careful, and Jared made sure that he left no visible scars, but it was only a matter of time before they slipped up and got caught and jealousy was the catalyst.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;After a couple of beers and playing the third wheel to Chris and Chad, Jensen wanted someone to spend some time with in both vertical and horizontal positions. The bar had a small dance floor, and he felt like dancing. There were several prospects in the room, so he sat back in his chair and decided which one he could eye-fuck good enough to get him to the table.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;As his eyes wandered around the bar, Jensen lost interest in them because he knew that Jared was somewhere in the bar. His eyes hadn’t spotted him, but his body had. His pulse sped up, his breathing became shallow, and his ass cheeks clenched reminding him that it was empty.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;For a moment, he thought that he was going to produce slick like the Omegas in those werewolf shifter books he liked to read.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Searching the room Jensen looked for the man but at first, because of the lust that suddenly overcame his body, he couldn’t focus, and all he saw was a blur, but when the haze cleared Jensen saw him.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;At six and a half feet he stood head and shoulders above everyone else, and it took everything Jensen had not to run and jump on the man, wrap his arms around him and slide down on his cock and fuck him in front of the crowd letting everyone know why he couldn’t stay away.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Jared Padalecki, Jensen’s on again off again boyfriend stood at the bar as though he owned the place. While everyone was dressed in club clothes for the club they would hit later, Jared was dressed simply; a tight black t-shirt that pulled tight across his well-developed pecs and it was tucked into a pair of equally tight black jeans, showing off his trim waist.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The denim barely held the large thighs, muscled ass and the biggest dick it had been Jensen’s pleasure to ride. Of course, everything was big on Jared. He had a huge ego that fed his courage to make advances on anyone he pleased; he wore size 16 shoes (that was Jensen’s first clue that the dick was large) and huge hands that doled out both pleasure and pain.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;It was the pain that made Jensen leave, but it was the mind-blowing pleasure that kept him coming back.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;That beautiful smile clued in that Jared had spotted him, and Jensen smiled back, but when a haired twink who out twinkled entered and stepped up to Jared, Jensen realized that the smile wasn’t for him. As Chris and Chad talked to him, he could only stare and try to breathe through the pain that was searing through his chest.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He’d heard people talk about the pain, but until this moment, Jensen never realized that a broken heart was literal. He could feel the organ break into pieces as Jared kissed this young boy with lips that had kissed his lips and other places on his body.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Jensen, man you aren’t paying attention to a word I’ve said,” Chris complained when Jensen didn’t answer his question. “What the fuck are you staring at?”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;When Chris asked the question was the point when he should have answered nothing, but Jensen was so mesmerized that he let his friends turn around and catch him staring at Jared. He knew that the want etched on his face would be misconstrued as terror and Chris would attack if he thought that Jensen was in danger. Yeah, he could protect himself, but sometimes that meant letting others do your dirty work.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Fuck!” Chad spat when he noticed his former best friend at the bar. Standing Chad pushed Chris back into his chair and said, “I don’t want to spend the evening trying to get your ass bailed out of jail, so sit back down while I talk to this motherfucker and convince him to leave.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Jensen was still undecided whether Chris would follow his lover's instructions, but then the tension left his body, and he sat down and glared as he watched as Chad stalked towards Jared. There was no way that Chad would take Jared in a fight, so he knew that his friend was just going to talk, but Jensen imagined Jared punching Chad, strutting to the table, throw him over his shoulders and carry him home.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;A boy can dream, can’t he? &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Instead, he watched as the former best friends argued and pointed towards him and then over the noise in the small bar, Jensen heard Jared tell Chad that Jensen wasn’t the reason he was in the bar, that he was there with someone else. He was with kid named Brock who was barely eighteen but somehow had managed to snag Jared’s attention. This time it was pain on Jensen’s face as the words struck home.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Was Jared tired of their game and decided to move on to someone else?&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Jensen stared at the boy as he stood to the side out of the line of fire. There were no visible signs of Jared’s brand of love so maybe the boy didn’t mean that much to him. Of course, Jared could have learned from people’s reaction from what he’d done to him and made his marks where others couldn’t see.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The look of satisfaction Chad wore when he stomped back to their table was for once not from Chris fucking him, but whatever Jared had said. Once he finished his story, both Chad and Chris spent the next few minutes trying to convince Jensen that he shouldn’t leave, that he can’t run each time he runs into Jared. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He wanted to leave but it wasn’t because of Jared’s presence, it was because Jared was in a bar that he knew there was a chance of seeing him with another man. As he listened to Chris and Chad drone on, all he could concentrate on was Jared leaving with his new boy toy. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He refused to call the handsome young man Jared’s boyfriend because he was the only one in Jared’s life to have earned that title.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Now that they were over, Jensen wanted to mourn the loss of his lover in private, but if he asked to leave early, then his friends would know that something was wrong and hound him until he confessed. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;While he couldn’t escape them, Jensen did the next best thing, “I gotta hit the head,” he told the pair, and he stood up.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Hit the head or get some head?” Chris laughed at his joke.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“You volunteering?” Jensen snarked.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;As he walked towards the bathroom, Jensen glanced back at his friends to see if they were watching him, but Chad was too busy attempting to stuff his tongue downs Chris’ throat to worry about him.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Instead of going to the bathroom and listen to others have sex, Jensen snuck out the back door into the alley. The stench from the garbage was overwhelming, but he was too upset to care. He wanted to be alone where he could have a good cry before rejoining his friends. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;If they said something about his red eyes, then he’d blame it on a nonexistent joint that he got from one of their friends. There was a brick outside the door he used to keep it propped open, that might be dangerous, but he wasn’t walking all the way around the building to get back inside.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He was barely outside when he heard sounds that he knew was someone fucking and was immediately pissed off because now he was going to have to find someplace else to have his alone time.  &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;As he turned to go back inside, he heard a laugh, deep and sexy and he knew that it was Jared. He couldn’t wait to get the boy home and was fucking him in the alley. He’d had Jensen in this alley, was nothing sacred?&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Jensen turned to go back inside, but a low moan from Jared went to his dick and rooted him to the spot. He had been vain to think that only he could pull sounds like that from Jared when it appeared that any hole would do.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Even though he wasn’t on the receiving end, Jensen didn’t want to miss a moment of Jared’s cock one last time. Trysts with Jared in the alley gave him the knowledge that where he stood, the dark protected him from Jared and his boy’s eyes should they look his way, but he could see everything they did.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Where the pair stood, a street light shone down on them like a spotlight and each stroke Jared made, the light danced off the lube, showcasing Jared’s beautiful cock. Before he realized what he was doing, Jensen had his cock out stripping it in rhythm to Jared’s strokes.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He wasn’t sure if he made a sound or if Jared was just as in-tuned to Jensen’s presence, but he turned to the corner where Jensen stood and made eye contact. Once he was sure that Jensen was watching, Jared’s strokes became faster and harder as he wrecked Brock's ass.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;When Jared’s hips began to stutter, Jensen knew that he was close and was going to come, so he needed to finish and get out of there before Jared came down from his orgasmic high. He was close himself; he watched as Jared continued to stare at him, leaned forward until his lips were close to Brock's ear, and said, “Come for me.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Both Jensen and Brock grunted as they came.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;As Jared soothed Brock and heartbroken Jensen tucked himself back into his pants while wishing death to Brock and praying that he didn’t have come on him. A final wistful glance at Jared let Jensen see that he was still hard. The little bitch didn’t know how to fuck Jared right so why was he and Jared together?&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Before he would do something stupid, Jensen headed back inside and shook his head when he noticed that there was light shining through the crack in the door. Jared had known he was there and had put on a performance for him. Fucker.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Back in the bar, Jensen threw back a couple of fruity drinks wannabe lovers sent to the table, but when one gathered up the nerves to approach him, Jensen had had enough. The bar was not the place for pickups.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Let’s head to the club,” Jensen told Chris and Chad before turning to Bill or Brad or whatever the fuck his name was he smiled and said, “find me at the club, and I’ll save a dance for you.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Not waiting for anyone’s reaction, Jensen sprinted to the door and was waiting at Chad’s car when his friends finally came outside.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“You know you didn’t tell that boy which club we’re going to?” Chris grinned as he started the car.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Nope, let him figure that out.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Jensen's intention was to find someone and let them take him home and fuck Jared from his mind, but there was no one in the world who could do that, and after a multitude of drinks, he asked himself why should he forget.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He lied and told Chris and Chad that he found someone for the night, then he hailed a cab and went to Jared’s apartment. When he knocked on the door, Jared answered immediately, and the sight of him almost made Jensen sober.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;God, the man, was good-looking, he had no shirt but was wearing the black jeans from earlier. If Jensen had thought them sexy before, the sight of them riding low on Jared’s hips unzipped and barely containing Jared’s still hard dick made him want to drop to the floor and take Jared in his mouth.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He wouldn't do that in the hallway, Jared’s neighbors had caught them once before, if it happened again they might petition to get him evicted.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“So, you had to get drunk before you could work up the nerves to come to me, huh?” Jared asked as he opened the door to let Jensen inside.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“You can’t make anything easy can you, Jared?” Jensen asked trying to remember why he humiliated himself to come there.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Jared, you coming back any time soon?” A naked Brock asked from the door of Jared’s bedroom. “Oops, I didn’t know you had company.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The smirk on his face told Jensen that the twink was lying. The prick just wanted to let his competition know that he’d gotten there first, and Jensen was ready to admit defeat, after all Jared had brought the boy home. He was headed to the door when Jared’s words stopped him in his tracks.  &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Jensen has come to show you how to fuck me properly.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Brock gasped in outrage, but Jared and Jensen stared at one another in an unspoken challenge. Jared knew that Jensen was jealous and was not the sharing type, but neither was he one to back away from a challenge.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Jensen pulled his tight shirt over his head and walked up to Jared and cupped his dick, “Yeah, because it looks as though you haven't been satisfied all night.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Not waiting for Jared’s response, Jensen pushed past Brock and took in the room he hadn’t been inside for two months and was surprised by what he saw. The bed had been rumpled a little but not in the manner it should have been after fucking Jared. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;It was no wonder Jared invited him in; he had to be frustrated. As Jensen finished undressing, he heard Jared doing the same. He expected Brock to leave, but the boy stood there watching Jensen as though sizing up the competition. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Before Jensen could move towards Jared, Brock moved to Jared and dropped to knees and took Jared in in one swift motion and Jensen watched in horror as Jared threw his head back with pleasure. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He needn’t have worried though because the pretty boy could only take half of Jared while Jensen could swallow the monster whole. The pleasure that Jared had been showing soon turned to frustration, and that’s when Jensen decided to make his move.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;No longer feeling dejected, Jensen joined Brock in his position of worship and waited for the amateur to take a breath. He didn’t have to wait long. A few seconds later he felt Jared push past his tonsils and slide down his throat.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;"How?” Brock asked in wonderment, and he watched Jensen take Jared with practiced ease.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;If his mouth hadn’t been so stuffed with Jared’s gorgeous cock, he would have smirked at the boy, but instead, he smiled at Jared with his eyes.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“I told you my boy was going to show you how to fuck me,” Jared said with a smile as the stroked Jensen’s stuffed cheek.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;No, Jensen thought, he was going to show Brock how he fucked Jared, they had a lot of things to work out, but Jensen was not going to let Brock or anyone else come between him and his lover. He hoped that Brock enjoyed the show because this was the last time he got to see Jared like this. He knew that his friends were going to be a hard sell, he didn’t want to lose his friends, so he was going to have to find a way to get them on board.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;"God, there is nothing more beautiful than seeing you on your knees,” Jared praised Jensen.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Jensen was so proud that he pleased Jared, if he could he would have taken Jared deeper in his throat.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;As Jared continued to fuck his throat, Jensen needed to breathe, but Jared wasn’t going to pull out yet. He liked seeing Jensen struggle and Jensen liked it as well. As the large mushroom head continued to plug his throat, Jensen was determined that he was not going to tap out.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“You’re going to kill him!” Brock yelled at Jared, and for a moment Jensen forgot that he was still there. To show Brock that he was okay with Jared cutting off his air, he laced his hands on Jared’s hips and pulled him in closer. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Letting Jared fuck his mouth was what Jensen wanted, and Jared needed, not some silly little boy whose idea of being adventurous was a bad blow job.  Despite Brock's worry, Jensen trusted Jared to protect him. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Even though he trusted Jared, Jensen wasn’t sure how much longer he could last and when he felt Jared’s cock tighten, he knew it would be over soon, but instead of filling Jensen’s belly with come, Jared pulled out.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Not knowing if Jared was going to fuck his throat again, Jensen pulled the precious air in his lungs; but Jared reached down and pulled Jensen to his feet and kissed him reclaiming the air Jensen had just inhaled.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;As they kissed, Jensen found himself being led towards the huge king sized bed without breaking contact with Jared’s lips. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;When the back of his knees hit the mattress, Jensen scrambled onto the bed and spread his legs and held out his hand in invitation. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Jared crawled forward and ground their cocks together, and the friction made Jensen groan in pleasure.  &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“I have to stop baby,” Jared told him. “I want to come inside you. Been too long without you and I’m gonna come if you don’t stop.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Yes,” Jensen agreed.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Jared leaned forward and kissed Jensen once again before reaching behind his head for the astroglide he kept under the pillow. As he coated his fingers with the lube, Jared looked at Jensen with love in his eyes.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;As the first finger slid inside him, Jared said, “I love you so goddamned much. I know that I don’t tell or show you as I should but know that I do.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;With Jared’s confession of love ringing in his ears, he thought, fuck Chris and Chad. They had one another and just because they didn’t understand what he and Jared had, that was no reason to keep them apart. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Those thoughts flew from his mind as Jared added a second finger in his hole and brushed Jensen’s prostate. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“You’re tight, Jensen, does that mean that no one has had you since me?”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Looking over to where Brock was sitting and stroking his cock, Jensen whispered, “No, no one.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Brock’s presence made him feel weak and foolish, but no one could fuck him black and blue like Jared did and made him feel amazing afterwards. He was sure there was someone who could, but there would be no trust, no love.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Jensen needed both to give himself with no reservations.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“What’s my reward?” he asked Jared.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The big man didn’t answer, he just took his cock in his hand and pushed through the tight ring of muscle until his balls slapped against Jensen ass and the force of his entrance took Jensen’s breath away.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Jared's confession was an aberration and to Jensen’s knowledge as soft as he’d ever been. Not letting Jensen adjust, Jared established a rhythm so vicious that Jensen knew it was going to have him walking carefully for the next few days, but right now he couldn’t bring himself to care.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;To heighten his pleasure, Jensen reached between them to stroke his trapped cock, but Jared slapped is hand away, “you know the rules, Jen, you don’t get to touch what’s mine.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“But you let Brock,” Jensen whined as he watched the boy stroking his cock to match Jared’s strokes. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Brock is not mine,” Jared advised him before he bent Jensen’s legs until they were almost next to Jensen’s face, trapped on the bed. The move changed the angle and Jared was hitting Jensen’s prostate with every thrust causing Jensen to tighten up around Jared and come, hot and sticky on his stomach.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He could hear Brock come a few seconds later.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;His hole clenched around Jared, but the man had stamina like no one else and kept up the punishing rhythm until Jensen’s spent dick came back to life.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“I did all the work before now it’s your turn,” Jared instructed as he pulled out leaving Jensen’s abused hole empty and clutching around nothing.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Once Jared was on his back, Jensen was straddling his hips and sinking down on that monster cock. As he was fully seated, Jensen began a slow, steady pace until Jared stilled his movements.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“You’re fucking me like a girl, if I wanted pussy, I would still be with Gen, now fuck me like ya mean it.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The mention of Jared’s former girlfriend spurred Jensen into action as he tried to set a more brutal pace.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Now it was Jensen who set the pace, but he couldn’t fuck with the force that Jared had, and when he felt a pair of soft hands on his hips helping him, he shot Brock a look of thanks, and he rode Jared until he felt his cock stiffen and he was coming again. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Now Brock held Jensen still as Jared gave a couple more strokes before he came.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;It was all Jensen could do to hold his eyes open, so he fell forward and went to sleep on Jared’s chest with Jared’s cock still in his hole.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;When he woke, Brock was gone, and Jared was asleep next to him, and all was right with the world.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;a name='cutid1-end'&gt;&lt;/a&gt;</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:cillab42:90352</id>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="https://cillab42.livejournal.com/90352.html"/>
    <link rel="self" type="text/xml" href="https://cillab42.livejournal.com/data/atom/?itemid=90352"/>
    <title>Lien on my soul  chapter 7B</title>
    <published>2017-03-06T08:51:42Z</published>
    <updated>2017-03-06T08:51:42Z</updated>
    <category term="sam/dean"/>
    <category term="spn_reversebang2017"/>
    <content type="html">&lt;img src="https://ic.pics.livejournal.com/cillab42/34693216/39479/39479_original.jpg" alt="" title="" fetchpriority="high"&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The case he chose was a rogue werewolf and Sam hated hunting werewolves because it was too close to home. While the world was woefully unaware of the supernatural, among those in the know, werewolves were the elite. Most were hunters or in some form of law enforcement because they loved the hunt, and other supernatural didn’t like to cross them.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;For once he wished that the ride to the hunt wasn’t so far away or even better yet, they had the funds to fly because being in close quarters with someone you weren’t speaking to made for a long goddamned trip.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The car was quiet. Too quiet. Dean wasn’t playing one of the twelve cassettes he owned, and Sam couldn’t take the silence so he reached over and turned the music on and the end of one of Dean’s favorite songs came on: &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;She's a good rider &lt;br /&gt;She's my kindhearted lady &lt;br /&gt;I'm gonna take my rider by my side &lt;br /&gt;I said her front teeth are lined with gold &lt;br /&gt;She's gotta mortgage on my body, got a lien on my soul &lt;br /&gt;She's my brown skin sugar plum&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Sam’s heard this song more times that he could count, but this was the first time he listened to the lyrics. Traveling Riverside Blues was his brother’s favorite song, and he played it constantly. It seemed that Dean had been trying to tell him how he felt for years but he’d been too busy trying to hide his feelings that they both missed the signals that the other was sending.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Even if they had understood, there still was the fact that they both were Alpha’s and Sam knew that he wasn’t willing to give up his Alpha status willingly. In the end, the decision was taken away, and he lost it anyway. Now as the road stretched out before them on that long ride to Washington state, Sam dreaded hearing the song each time it played. By the time they pulled into the parking lot of the hotel they’d found, Sam was ready to throw the cassette away. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The only thing that stopped him was the knowledge that Dean would just replace it.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Once they began to work the case, Sam was shocked that Dean continued to treat him the same as he had before he’d ripped Sam’s world apart. When Sam suggested that they went in as Game Wardens, Dean didn’t question it; he just figured out how to get uniforms while Sam created fake ids.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He wanted to bitch that he was given the easier of the two jobs, except he would have done the same before the change, so he held his thoughts to himself. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Once they talked to the King County sheriff’s department, the pair were on their way to locate the werewolf and ended up at a dive bar that reminded Sam of the bar that he’d located Dean in just a few weeks prior. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;At first, there was some confusion because the witness they found thought that he saw a ghost, but their instincts had been right, and it was a werewolf. A pair of werewolves, sisters to be exact.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Fate or God or some higher being was fucking with them because the werewolves were sisters, and they were almost a mirror of what he and Dean had just gone through; one good sister and one evil but in the end good won but not without damage to the relationship.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Making matters worse, one of the sisters was a beta named Kate whom they had met while working a   case last year. Sam had convinced Dean to let her go, and now that decision had come back to bit him in the ass.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The case turned out to be a cluster fuck, and because he was a little slow, Kate’s sister Tasha whom she’d turned while on her death bed was making pups, and one of them now held a gun to Sam’s head.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He could smell the anger and fear coming from Dean in droves and as he worried about Sam and he was sure Dean could smell the same emotions coming from him. However, but all he could think of was he’d never told Dean about the baby, and he wasn’t going to tell him because he was at gun point.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Oh, this is too cute,” Tasha grinned when she realized the nature of their relationship, “Dreamboat and Paul Bunyan are mates as well as brothers like prince William and prince Harry.” She stepped closer to Sam and sniffed, before taunting, “does he royally fuck you?”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Dean growled her, “let him go. I’ll do whatever you want but please just let him go.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“That’s sweet Dreamboat, but if you cared about him then why is he hunting while he’s pregnant? I’ll let you think about that while I eat his heart.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Tasha, what are you doing?” Kate asked as she burst into the room. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Starting my own pack,” She smiled. “Humans don’t know that we exist and we’re so much smarter and stronger that we should be ruling them.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Sam and Dean aren’t human,” Kate reasoned. “They’re just trying to make sure that our kind stays under the radar.’&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Sam could sense that Tasha was up to something, and he tried to catch Dean’s attention, but his mate was staring at the young woman as though she was next on his dinner plate. He was trying to protect Sam, and now that the stupid girl had blurted out about the pregnancy, he wanted to protect his pup.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Tasha looked between the brothers and her sisters before telling he minions to take them to the next room while she and her sister spoke alone.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The difference between newly turned wolves and natural born is that the natural born shifter mastered the art of silent communication by their first birthday, and these stupid fucks were still figuring it out. The door hadn’t closed before Dean was speaking telepathically to Sam.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“You think you can take him, bitch?” Dean teased.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“On the count of three, jerk,” Sam teased back.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;It didn’t take much to subdue the boys because they were so sure that they had the upper hand that they were sloppy. Like a well-oiled machine, Sam and Dean took them down and ripped out their throats. Once the pups had been taken care of the brothers went after their next target, Kate, and Tasha.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;When they entered the room only Tasha’s dead body was in the room, and the open window told them that Kate had escaped.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“She’s good at that,” Dean nodded towards the open window. Sam noticed a touch of admiration in his voice. “I hope that we don’t run into her again because if we do, we’re going to have to take her out.’&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Staring at the dead teenager on the bed, Sam nodded in agreement.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;This was the part of hunting Sam hated, cleaning up afterwards. The cabin had to be cleaned and the bodies destroyed. They smelled of gasoline and smoke when they returned to the motel as the sun came up.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Sam could sense Dean was calmer now, and he knew that it was because the young shifters death satisfied Mark’s bloodlust, but Sam worried about the time the Mark needed a blod sacrifice. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Wanna flip for the shower?” Sam asked.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Nah, you go first,” Dean told him.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Sam knew he was allowed to go first because Dean wanted to salt the windows and doors and place warding sigils around the room to protect his helpless Omega.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Once Sam was out of the shower after he may or may not have used all the hot water, Dean was in the bathroom like a shot. No teasing or small talk about the job. No, he rushed past Sam as though the answer to the meaning of life was in the little room.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Instead of dressing, Sam sat on the bed closest to the bathroom because he was tired. It was as though all his energy had washed down the drain with the dirt. He was still sitting there when Dean emerged from setting a record for the worlds shortest shower.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He waited for him to bitch about the lack of hot water, but he said nothing. He was mad at Dean, but he couldn’t stand this silence between them, so Sam instigated the conversation.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“You’re not going to say anything about the baby?” He asked. When Dean didn’t respond, Sam continued “Of course not, you being an Alpha and couldn’t scent what some newly turned Beta could after five minutes in the room with me.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Suddenly he had a face full of Dean, “I knew you were pregnant, but I was waiting for my Omega to tell me. I guess that would have been too much to ask seeing as you’re punishing me.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“You turned me against my will, of course, I’m punishing you!” Sam shouted. Or at least he tried to. From where he sat on the bed Dean was towering over him making him want to bare his neck in submission. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“You’re punishing yourself as well,” Dean murmured.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He was a fucking Alpha damn it. Fighting his need to submit, Sam stood up to face Dean because despite him being an Omega, he was still taller than his brother. He stood up to use that height to remind Dean of who he was, and that wasn’t some simpering Omega wanting to hang off his knot.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The problem was he did; he wanted it so much he was gagging with need and judging by the pheromones Dean was emitting, he wanted to as well. Dean wanted enough that the height didn’t matter he stood on his toes, placed his hands behind Sam’s neck and pulled his head down and ravaged the pretty pink lips.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;It seemed as that all his life Sam wanted to know how Dean’s plump lips felt and now that he knew the feeling surpassed any fantasy he’d ever had. When Dean slid his tongue along the seam of Sam’s lips, he gasped in surprise and allowed him in, and the sensations got better from there.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;As Dean deepened the kiss, Sam felt arousal in a way that he never did as an Alpha. His dick became hard and leaking and was still sensitive even though he no longer had a knot, but what he didn’t expect was the way his hole reacted. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He could feel the slick as it dripped from his hole as it throbbed with the need to be filled and as his arousal spiked so did the sensitivity. As though reading his mind, Dean reached around and slid his finger through the slick and teased the muscle almost making Sam come just from being fingered.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;As Dean played with his hole all thoughts of why he was angry with his brother slipped his mind. Right now, all he could think of was they were almost killed, and someone granted them another reprieve, and he wanted to celebrate another day of living with Dean buried deep inside him.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Dean’s tore his lips from Sam’s and the younger Winchester blindly sought to get them back, but when he felt them moving to that magical place behind his ear, he stopped protesting and bent his neck to give Dean better access.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Good Sam?” Dean asked, and he kissed lower to the spot where he’d marked Sam and gently bit. As he bit the mark, Dean’s finger slid inside, and Sam squeezed his eyes shut against the burn. “You’re tight,” Dean murmured, “but we’ll get you ready.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Sam wasn’t so sure about that but then Dean crooked his finger and brushed it over Sam’s prostate, and Sam was back on board. His knees buckled at the pleasure that shot through his body.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Fuck me, Dean,” He begged, “’m ready.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“No, you’re not,” Dean demanded as he slipped a second finger inside Sam. “But you will be soon.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Sam agreed, but then the fingers were gone, and he felt empty, opening his eyes he looked down at Dean to protest, but Dean pointed at the bed and said, “need you ass up while I finish prepping you. Your legs are about to give out, and I don’t want to fuck you on the floor.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Soon he was on the bed ass up waiting for Dean to continue, but the bastard was staring. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“If that’s all you’re going to do then I’ll finish this myself,” Sam told him as he reached behind to slide a finger inside himself.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“As hot as that is, that’s not what I want right now,” Dean husked. He dropped is a towel and crawled onto the bed between Sam’s legs and used three fingers to loosen Sam for his cock.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The pleasure Dean stirred had Sam moaning like the star of those cheap porn videos Dean often watched. However, Suddenly the fingers were gone, and Dean was kissing his lower back.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Roll over for me,” Dean asked in the same husky voice, and Sam froze. He couldn’t.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Even when he indulged in one night stands he faced his partner for the night, but he couldn’t do that with Dean, at least not tonight. Staring at Dean as he was being fucked, was too intimate and more than Sam could bear.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Being mated was supposed to create a bond, but what but what if they still didn’t have one? Sam was still angry that he had been turned against his will but what if he saw the same hatred and anger in Dean’s eyes. What if Dean was resigned to be with an Omega he’d turned when he wasn’t in control of himself and hated that he’d been saddled with Sam. He didn’t even mention that he knew Sam was pregnant.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Instead of making a big deal about it Sam pushed his ass back and insisted, “No Dean, like this, wanna make sure it doesn’t hurt.” The ‘like the last time’ was left unsaid.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Dean hesitated for a moment, and Sam thought that he was going to argue, but he lined up to Sam’s hole before he began to push inside making them both moan.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The adrenaline running through Sam was mirrored in Dean allowing Sam to know that Dean wanted to move but he was allowing Sam’s body to adjust. He was grateful for the thoughtfulness, but it answered the question about him being demonic; there was no way that a demon would care about his comfort or pleasure. He sure as hell didn’t when he took him the first time.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Move,” Sam demanded unable to wait any longer.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;God, it felt so fucking good. If Dean had been this tender and loving in that room, he would have been begging for him to claim him. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;As Dean drove deeper inside him, Sam’s wolf came took over and instead of analyzing each movement Dean made or his reaction to it, he began to fuck Dean back. He met the Alpha thrust for thrust until Dean’s knot began to swell and tied them.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;When the knot pressed on Sam’s prostate, his wolf howled his pleasure, and soon Sam was coming all over the threadbare sheets.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Now that he’s come, Dean began to chase his orgasm as Sam’s spasming channel gripped him tight and milked his and he flooded Sam’s insides with come.  Sam’s last thought before he passed out was that he’d never come so hard in his life.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;They were back at the bunker, and although they still fucked, Sam didn’t let Dean touch him afterwards. Dean had gone out of his way to make up for, or rather try to make up for what he’d done, but Sam was having none of it.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He remembered the night after the first time, once Sam woke, he reverted back to business only, and it hurt worse than the first time. Dean couldn't get his mate to run with him. They hunted and kicked a shit ton of supernatural ass, but afterwards, they might have been strangers.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He was beginning to think that Sam didn’t care, well he didn’t until Sam saw his profile on his dating app. Instead of being jealous or even pretending to care, Sam just talked about how instead of a beautiful girl named Shaylene, his date would be some burly trucker named Bruce.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He wouldn’t do anything but talk to the girl about Sam, but it would have been a huge ego boost had Sam cared. In the end, Shaylene was a beautiful girl; it was just she wanted Dean to sell his soul for sex. Maybe a good hamburger, but sex? Nah.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Dean should have known swiping right was too easy, and during the course of him finding someone to talk to, Cole popped up and let a witch more powerful than any they’d ever encountered before escaping. He was one more person Dean had to apologize to from the pain he’d caused when he’d been a demon and because he didn’t think Sam cared, Dean had been willing to let the troubled young man kill him.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The offer had been worth it just to get a response from Sam.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He didn’t say anything, but Dean could smell the fear and love rolling off him when he offered his life to Cole. Cole didn’t kill him, and he found out that Sam still cared, so it was a win - win in the end. The red-headed witch escaped, but she was too powerful for them not to cross paths again.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;To escape Sam’s silence, now it was Dean who ran alone, sometimes spending the night in the woods surrounding the bunker. He didn’t dare spend more than one night outside because he was scared that Sam would try to take on a hunt on his own because he still felt he had something to prove.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He gasped aloud when he walked into the kitchen; there stood Sam shirtless with a visible baby bump, and Dean’s fingers itched to touch it.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“I didn’t expect you back this early,” Sam muttered before running from the room. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Normally Dean would give Sam his space, wait for him to share the pregnancy with him, but at the rate, Sam was progressing the pup would be here before Sam told Dean anything. Instead of getting the cup of coffee he was jonesing for, Dean followed Sam into his room.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Knocking on the door, Dean opened it before Sam had the chance to tell him not to come in, “I want to touch, but I know that you won’t let me, but I had to see you, Sam.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“You come to take something else that I’m not willing to give?” Sam snapped as he reached for a shirt to cover himself. “Leave Dean, this is my space, and I don’t want you here.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“I’ve apologized a million times a million different ways. You know had I not been a demon this would never have happened.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Oh, I forgot, you’re still using the ‘I was a demon defense,'” Sam sneered.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Suddenly it was too much; he’d been taking shit from Sam for something he had no control over. He understood that what he did was painful and was not something they could undo, but there was nothing in the lore to fix what he’d done. Dean knew that because he’d searched.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;While everyone else was searching for ways to remove the MoC, Dean had been researching ways to reverse a claim, and there was nothing. As much as he wanted Sam, he didn’t want him this way because he might as well be dead to his mate.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“It’s the only defense I have Sam, had I not been a demon I’d have gone on the way I had in the past, wanting what I couldn’t have. I just wanted to see the baby growing, how you’ve changed. Hell, I don’t even know if you’ve been to the doctor.” When Sam remained silent, Dean continued, “I know that it’s not that often, but I don’t even know if it’s safe for us to have sex.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Oh, so that’s what this is about,” Sam huffed. “I like to keep my room clean, but I believe that the electrical closet is free.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The words landed like a blow and expelled the air from Dean’s lungs. It would have been less painful had Sam shot him. It was too late to stop Sam from seeing the tear that fell, but he ran from the room before he embarrassed himself any further. Picking up a cup a bottle of whiskey before retreating to his room, Dean settled in to drink away the pain.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The next few days they tiptoed around one another until they found another case. It seemed that they were on track for déjà vu again, there had been Cole, then some weird play based on the Supernatural Books, then a case involving both their friend Sheriff Jodie Mills and Sheriff Donna Hanscum from a case a few years back. There had even been a follow up case from their surrogate father, Bobby Singer.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Just when things seemed to get back to finding Cain and removing the Mark from his arm, Dean felt blindsided when the next case was dropped in their laps, or rather Cas dropped a case in their laps. Just like everything else they’d been working on, this was a revisit as well. This one involved Claire Novak, Cas’ vessels daughter; it was par for the course. Dean was happy to work the cases because after each one was solved, Sam needed his life affirming sex and Dean were on board with that, and besides, this way Dean was allowed to touch Sam’s baby bump.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Unlike the other cases, this was harder because it was hard on Cas, especially when Claire was in trouble and trusted the wrong people. She’d even tried to get Dean killed, and Dean thought that maybe he deserved to be killed.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;In the past, Dean had let himself believe that he was doing enough good to outweigh the bad, but fuck if he could find any good in what he was doing now. He’d hurt Sam so badly and killed the only person Claire trusted.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Yeah, it was the Mark, but Dean wrestled with the idea that perhaps he could have injured the man and not killed him, but that was like playing Monday morning quarterback.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;One good thing came out of the attack, in bought Sam a little closer and after they had made love (fucking was what he’d done with everyone else) Sam didn’t rush to the bathroom to wash away the evidence that they’d been together,&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He slept in Dean’s arms, and for the first time in months, Dean and his wolf had a good night’s sleep. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The next morning wasn’t as awkward as Dean thought it would be, it wasn’t awkward at all because Sam woke him with a kiss. As good as the gesture made Dean feel, it might as well had been a blowjob. He kept waiting for Sam to put up the barrier that was between them but it never came, and Dean grinned like an idiot on the drive back to the bunker.  &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The peace didn’t last, Sam had to replace a fuse in the electrical room, and the wall came back up, and Dean was sure that Sam heard his heart break at the withdrawal. If they didn’t need that room, Dean would seal it off permanently.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;After that the past still came at them with a vengeance giving Dean the do over of all do overs, reverting him back to his awkward fourteen-year-old self because of a witch’s curse,&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He hated fucking witches, spitting out phlegm and hatred along with their nasty curses.  &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;When they made it back to the bunker, Sam surprised him by offering to cook, and Dean was over the moon. His mate’s Omega instincts were kicking in, and Dean loved it. While he’d been fourteen, again, the MoC was gone, and Dean offered to stay that age to keep the Mark from coming back.&lt;br /&gt;Even though he tried not to show it, Sam was relieved when the curse was reversed.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;So while Sam prepared dinner, Dean continued his research for a way to remove the Mark and try to win his mate, but there was nothing. How could God Mark Cain without giving him a chance to redeem himself? Of course, this was the same God who was going to let the angels destroy the world because it was predestined.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;God might not love his family but Dean Winchester loved his, and he was going to remove the Mark if it killed him. Sam needed to see something good in him, and so far, Dean was batting zero. Dean was at a loss as to where to find the next clue, so he and Sam just kept working cases in between their research.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;As they prepared to leave for their next hunt, Dean looked at Sam and was pleased with what he saw. Now there was no way to hide the growing mound that was their baby, and Dean wanted to demand that Sam stay behind, but he couldn’t. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Sam wasn't taking unnecessary chances and the research he’d done before the fieldwork was so precise most of the jobs were a cakewalk, and hopefully this one would be too.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Sam was ready to hit the road. They had go bags at the ready, so there was nothing keeping them from leaving except Dean. Sam suspected that he was dawdling because he wanted to leave Sam behind, but there was no way that was happening unless Dean demanded that he stay.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Dean had never used his alpha voice on him, but he was sure that would happen any day, and Sam wasn't sure how to handle the order when it came. Like most Omegas, Sam wanted to curl up and rest and enjoy his pregnancy, but he couldn't do that until that Mark was gone from Dean’s arm. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Before they could hit the road, Castiel showed up with news about the father of murder, Cain, the original Knight of Hell who’d given Dean the MOC without including an instruction manual. Sam was still mad about Dean trusting a Knight of Hell, and it’s fucking king, Crowley, so Dean had to handle this development carefully.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Cain was dropping a trail of bodies, and they discovered that they were his descendants and he wanted to end his line to stop the evil that has passed for generations. The problem was the last in the line was a kid, and there was no way Sam was going to let that happen.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He cringed and placed a protective hand on his stomach when Dean suggested that they use a twelve-year old kid as bait. He knew there was a reason he wasn’t letting Dean share this pregnancy. He wasn’t sure that the demon wasn't completely gone and now he was going to have to trust Dean to keep his humanity when Crowley placed the first blade back into his hands.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“It won’t be the actual kid, Sam. Cas can project the kid's image, kind of like a specter,” Dean explained. “You must have an extremely low image of me if you thought that I was going to place the life of a kid in the hands of that murdering bastard.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“I.” Sam stopped because that was what he thought and he had no defense other than he was a dick.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“C’mon Cas,” Dean said as he shot Sam a murderous look, “let's you and I go to the archive and see what we can come up with before Sam thinks that I want to rip the baby from his womb.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Sam was embarrassed because that was what he was thinking. He wasn’t sure of this Dean, and he needed to keep the baby safe.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;While he and Castiel made plans to trap and kill Cain, Dean was quiet, and that should have worried Sam, but he was too busy making plans. When the pair entered the war room an hour later, Dean’s frustration was evident in questions he was asking and the increased amount of alcohol he was drinking.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“What if this doesn’t work?” Dean asked, “what if I kill him and I still have the Mark? We have a baby on the way, and Sam’s not the only one who doesn’t trust me around my kid with this thing on my arm.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“We’ll find a way to remove the mark Dean,” Cas promised. “it’s just going to take longer than we thought. Sam and I thought that turning you Omega would ease the lust for killing, and I still think that is a viable option, but Sam needs his mate.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Wait,” Dean shook his head in disbelief, “Sam was planning to claim me?”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Yes, he was” the angel confirmed as he cocked his head to the side and stared at Dean, looking for all the world like a puppy confused by his master’s command. “I supposed that it would be fitting since the Winchesters are hunting royalty.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“You mean all this time while he was guilting me for changing him while I wasn’t myself, he was planning to do the same, except he didn’t have the excuse of being a demon,” Dean asked Cas while staring at Sam.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Sam didn’t answer, but he knew that the heat in his cheeks gave him away.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“So all the self-righteousness was just and act, you’re mad at me because I beat you to the punch, huh Sam,” Dean snarled. “Don’t pretend that you were doing it to save me from the Mark; this is something you’ve wanted to do for years.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The comment startled Sam, yes he’d wanted Dean for years, but he wasn’t aware that Dean knew. He had prided himself that he kept his epic crush for his brother under wraps when it was Dean who’d kept the bigger secret.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Okay so his secret wasn’t a secret, but that doesn't let Dean off the hook. He still turned Sam against his will. Even though Sam had wanted Dean like crazy, he didn’t torment Dean when he’d had the chance, and there had been many over the years. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“I have never turned on you, Dean,” Sam reminded his brother. “I had had times when I could have when I wasn’t myself, but I didn’t, but the first chance you get you claimed and marked me.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Dean marched across the room and pushed a finger on Sam’s chest, “You think that you never betrayed me, Sam?” Stormy green eyes stared at him as Dean continued, “Did you forget about Ruby? I mean everyone you met told you that she wasn’t to be trusted, but you did. You trusted her more than you trusted me and you were prepared to kill me for her. But I guess drinking demon blood will do that to you.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Sam felt gutted by Dean’s statement, before he could get over that blow Dean continued, “Were you planning to turn me Omega so that you could drink my demon blood?”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“I apologized for Ruby, and you said that we were okay. Ruby was a dark time, but I had no soul, but I still didn’t touch you,” Sam reminded his mate.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“No, you were too busy selling me out to vampires, watching as they turned me,” Sam was hurt by the grimace on Dean’s face as he remembered the hurt when he realized that Sam had allowed him to be turned. “But hey, it was for the good of the case, so that didn’t matter if I died because you had Samuel and the rest of the Campbells to hunt with.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“But I knew that Samuel had a cure,” Sam defended his actions even though he knew that he wasn’t in control at the time. “Soul or not, I knew that I had to have you near me. Why lease do you think I came to get you.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“To ruin my life. You’re always telling me I’m reckless, that I need to think things through, but you trusted me enough to not drink from a human and risk the change being permanent.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“I.” Sam wasn’t sure what to say. The past few months he’d been damning Dean for what he did when he’d turned, but Sam had done his share of fucking up, and Dean never thought twice about giving up on him. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He’d even tried to kill Bobby to keep from getting his soul back, and he’s not sure if Dean would have forgiven him. Others might not agree, but for Sam causing a death was a lot worse than a sexual assault. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Even though he wasn’t in control of the claiming, Dean still has gone out of his way to apologize, to try to make things better between them. He’d always done that even when Sam pushed back. Which was always. No, he wasn’t happy being Omega, but he still gets Dean, so that’s win, right?&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;In his mind, Sam knew that Dean wasn’t responsible for what happened to him, but the demon who was, wore Dean’s face and that made it hard for him to forgive or forget, but when Dean was buried deep inside him, it gave him a temporary reprieve.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Right now, the hurt and anger for transgressions both old and new warred for position on Dean’s face, and it hurt Sam to know that he was responsible for them both. When he put all the bullshit aside and forget about who did what and why everything became clear, Sam loved Dean.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He was an Omega, and that wasn’t going to change, and the kid playing soccer with his bladder cemented the fact. So instead of hurling another accusation at Dean, Sam said, “I love you, Dean.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Sam smiled as he watched the four simple words take the sails out of Dean’s anger. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Clearing his throat, Dean repeated the words, “I love you too, Sam.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Before Sam could respond, Dean was across the room and swallowing any response Sam was going to give.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“It’s good to see that you have made up,” Cas said from his position by the doorway. “Perhaps now we can work on ways to remove the MoC.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“The only thing I’m working on right now is Sam’s belt, and if you’re not gone in five minutes, then you’re going to watch me as I fuck my mate over the table,” Dean warned the angel.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;They didn’t hear him leave, it was a flutter of wings and then silence, but Castiel wasn’t what Sam was thinking. Dean’s large hand stroking Sam’s cock had robbed the Omega of the ability to think of anything beyond the pleasure the movement elicited.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Want you in my bed, Sammy,” Dean whispered in that whiskey roughened voice that Sam loved, and the sound of it robbed him of speech leaving him with only the ability to nod his agreement.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Sam wanted that too, this time there would be no thing between them, it was a clean slate, and when Dean’s cock tied them together, Sam stopped fighting and let his Alpha and his Omega take over.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The next few days were like a honeymoon. The pair couldn’t stop touching or looking at one another, and when Sam allowed Dean to feel the baby kick, his heart swelled with so much pride he was surprised that his chest was able to hold the organ.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;They were still searching for a way to remove the MOC from Dean’s arm, but they would find the answer together and protect their family at the same time.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Sam and Dean watched as their pup skittered to a stop just inside the door of the bunker. It had snowed heavily during the night, and everything had been covered in a blanket of white leaving the pup frozen in awe. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He stuck his nose in the foreign substance and shook at the coldness and to get the excess out of his fur. He turned to look at his parents, and Dean loved that quizzical look that said ‘what is this?’ Well, he loved it, but it was second only to thinking how cute he looked with the snow covering his dark muzzle.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;After checking to see that Sam was okay because this pregnancy seemed to be harder on his mate, Dean loped to Bobby’s side and gently nudged him out of the door. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The pup was tentative at first, but he soon learned that snow was fun and chased his Alpha around the yard. Sam joined them for a few minutes, but a concerned look from Dean had him sitting on the sidelines. Dean kept the kid so busy that he almost didn’t notice Sam’s lack of participation.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Later that evening when they put their tired pup to bed, Dean smiled and hummed his favorite Zeppelin tune until Bobby fell asleep. The song was a lullaby for their kid and a love song for Sam. He took Sam’s hand as they walked back to their bedroom and realized that even though a lot of evil things have tried to take it, this man next to him owned his soul.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He was still proud of them, and now Sam was too. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The End&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;a name='cutid1-end'&gt;&lt;/a&gt;</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:cillab42:90031</id>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="https://cillab42.livejournal.com/90031.html"/>
    <link rel="self" type="text/xml" href="https://cillab42.livejournal.com/data/atom/?itemid=90031"/>
    <title>Lien on my soul  chapter 7A</title>
    <published>2017-03-06T08:47:22Z</published>
    <updated>2017-03-06T08:47:22Z</updated>
    <category term="pairing: sam/dean"/>
    <category term="spn_reversebang2017"/>
    <content type="html">&lt;img src="https://ic.pics.livejournal.com/cillab42/34693216/39314/39314_original.jpg" alt="" title="" fetchpriority="high"&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;When he awoke, Sam was in his room.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Compared to the one Dean occupied, Sam’s was sterile. There were not pictures or posters or anything personal, where as Dean’s was the opposite, and Sam missed that room right now. It was Dean before he was changed and that’s the Dean Sam wanted back.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Moaning as he rolled into a sitting position, Sam walked to the bathroom and splashed some water on his face to wake himself. Something was off, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on it, and then he realized what it was, he was wearing the same shirt from earlier, but now it was loose and didn’t fit his new body.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He wanted to cry but his wolf, his Omega wolf, his nurturer, told him he was going to be fine, but Sam didn’t think he would ever be fine again.&lt;br /&gt;“Sam,” Castiel said from the doorway, how are you?”&lt;br /&gt;“I was turned into an Omega, Castiel, how the fuck to think I feel?” Sam growled. Or at least he tried to because even his growl underwent a transformation and now sounded weak.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Like an Omega, Sam,” Castiel answered. “There is no shame in being an Omega. It is almost time for Dean’s final shot, do you want to be there?”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Of course, he wanted to be there to get his brother back. He’d some too much to get Dean to miss this. It was going to hard enough to face him, but he wouldn’t like this. He smelled like sweat, vomit, blood and come and he didn’t want to face Dean feeling vulnerable, “let me grab a shower, and I’ll join you.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Sam,” Castiel began. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“I’ll join you after my shower,” Sam cuts him off. “I don’t want to face Dean like this.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Once in the shower, Sam stood under hot water and rubbed himself until his skin was bright red, but he wanted to wash away as much of the afternoon as possible. After checking his body Sam was pleased to see that his skin wasn’t as saggy as it had been when he first changed, but the stab wound in his shoulder was still painful.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Once he was sure that Dean was cured he would shift and allow his body to heal because he wanted to be strong when he faced Dean for the first time. He wanted to be strong, but he didn’t think something like dressing would almost cause a breakdown but it did.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Where he had been proud of his body, muscular and toned, before, now he’d shrunk, and while still toned, his huge muscles were gone and made him feel as though he was in someone else's body. The claim had changed him to fit his Alpha; while he was still taller than Dean, his strength and bulk was gone. That meant clothes that fit him this morning were now too big and hung on him making him feel like the ten-year old who had to wear his big brothers hand me downs whether they’d fit or not. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Standing outside the room, Sam took a deep breath before entering and facing Dean. He braced himself to face a mocking Dean, but was surprised by what he found; instead of the facsimile of his brother he’d been dealing with, this man was quiet because he was unconscious.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Turning to Castiel, Sam asked, “is he… is he dead?”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“No Sam,” Castiel said in his monotone voice. It’s the same tone he always uses, but for some reason today it bothered him. “He’s ready for the final shot if you want to do the honors.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“No,” Sam shook his head, “you do it.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He watched as Castiel injected the blood into Deans' arm just above the MoC. This morning, he would have killed anyone who suggested that anyone other than him give Dean the final dose, but right now Sam didn’t want to touch Dean.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Castiel moved to stand beside Sam to wait for the blood to work and prayed that it would. They would try again, but they both knew that if this dose didn’t work then Dean would have to die. Despite what happened between them, Sam wasn't sure if he could kill Dean and if they did would it take this time or would the Mark bring him back.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Their answer wasn’t long in coming, and Sam’s heart broke, and his wolf mourned when he saw the black eyes. Sam closed his eyes and blinked back the tears, but opened them in time to see the black dissipate and replaced by the beautiful green Sam loved.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“You two look worried,” Dean said.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Not sure that he could trust that his brother was back, Sam pulled the flask of holy water and doused Dean with it. Satisfied that the demon was gone, Sam couldn’t be there when Dean became fully aware, so he shifted and ran.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Things were a little confusing right now. Dean knew that he had done some horrible things, most of them he can’t remember, but of that, he’s glad because the things he could remember he wished he couldn’t.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Like raping Sam.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;There are no words to pretty up what he’d done; he’d hurt and humiliated his brother and changed him irreparably. Sam was now an Omega - his Omega, and he had to find a way of making up for hurting Sam. That, however, was going to be a problem when Sam wouldn’t come near him.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Just as Sam had earlier, Dean sat and went through the pictures he kept by his bed and stopped at the one of him and Sam just after Sam had left Stanford. All those feelings he’d been able to bury deep inside came rushing forward and his wolf whispering in his ear like the proverbial devil to claim Sam.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He’d claimed him but at what price?&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Something he’d fought for decades he’d given into because the brand, the MOC had taken over.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“You look terrible,” Cas said from here he stood in the doorway.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Dean looked up and smiled at the awkwardness of the angel's attempt at small talk, “it wouldn’t kill you to lie.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“No, it wouldn’t kill me. I just… you…”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;It was funny to see the always confident angel at a loss for words. He tried to get a grasp of human emotions, but he hadn’t been able to master them yet.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Forget it,” Dean said giving up on trying to make his friend do something he didn’t have the skills to master. “You’re looking well, so are you back?”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Temporarily.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Temporarily?” Dean asked. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Yeah, it’s a long story that involves Crowley and a stolen grace. Plus, there’s a woman outside in the car, but we’ll save that for another time.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Okay, but thanks-well for everything. Especially stepping in when you did. I’m just sorry you didn’t arrive earlier.”&lt;br /&gt;Cas didn’t say anything, but Dean knew that he was holding something back. Had Sam said something about wanting Dean gone and that’s why he did the disappearing act.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“What did Sam say? Does he want a divorce?” Dean asked only half joking.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Shaking his head, Cas said, “I’m sure Sam knew that the things you said or did weren't really you. Well, it certainly wasn’t all you.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“I ra… attacked him Cas.”  &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“You did,” Cas agreed, “I’m not saying that just because you aren’t a demon any longer doesn’t mean that things will be easy for the two of you. Talk to him, and if he doesn’t want to, well you’re his Alpha now you can demand that he talks to you.”  &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“I think I’ve demanded enough from him,” Dean sighed. “He’ll come home when he’s ready.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Because there is a mysterious girl in his car, Cas left, and Dean was now alone. Yeah, Sam is outside somewhere literally and figuratively licking his wounds, and Dean understands. He had taken Sam’s identity and his choice away, so his brother wanted to be at his fighting best when he confronted Dean.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;So he waited.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The problem was he hadn't expected to have to wait this long. It’s been a week since Cas left and Dean ate his meals looking across the table at an empty seat, wondering when or if Sam would come back. He knows his brother would come back because he needs to be near his mate, his wolf won’t let him wander far, but Dean understood if he tried to run.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;For the first days, Dean spent them in his bed because Sam’s scent was stronger there than in his own bedroom. He knew that Sam needed him but he needs his mate just as much and his wolf is demanding they hunt him down.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Dean’s not a young pup who doesn’t know how to keep his animal in control, so he kept the wolf at bay, but barely. He had no control when the wolf was insisting they find their mate.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;By the end of the week, Dean was going stir crazy sitting inside waiting for Sam to came back. He’s been busy, has found several hunts, but he can’t leave until he and Sam have talked, but he had to get out of the bunker before he went crazy. Food supplies are low, so a trip to the grocery store was in order.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Once he entered the bunker, Dean sensed Sam’s presence and his wolf was clawing to go to him-to mate him. Even though the desire to give in to his wolf was strong, Dean didn’t give in because if he did it would be by force and he won’t subject his brother, his mate, to that again. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The next time they mated it would be by Sam’s invitation, or not at all.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;As he waited for Sam to find him, Dean decided to prepare lunch. It wasn't anything fancy, just some soup and sandwiches, but it was a way to bring Sam to the table. After a week in the woods, he’s sure his mate was ready for something he didn’t have to hunt and kill.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Dean was half way through his meal when he realized that Sam wasn’t going to join him. Their noses were so sensitive that Sam could smell the food over a mile away, so Dean knew that he was ignoring him.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He had work to do.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Fighting his instinct to storm down the hall and demand that Sam stops hiding and talk to him, Dean walked outside and shifted and went on a run to clear his head.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;When he returned to the bunker, Sam had eaten the food Dean had left for him and retreated to his room. He inhaled his mate's scent as his wolf howled at the rejection from his mate.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Sam’s hot and cold act went on for a week, so Dean changed tactics, instead of waiting for Sam he prepared meals and went to his room to eat.  The ploy was to lure Sam from his room and talk. There was no excuse for what he did to his brother, but he had to try.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;It took eight days for Dean to catch Sam in the kitchen and when he did his words seemed to fail him.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Sam…” was all he could manage.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“I suppose this is where you say you’re sorry and I say ‘no Dean that wasn’t you, it was the demon,’ but you know what, Dean it was you,” Sam told him. “There is nothing you can say that will make this right.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“I.” Dean started but stopped to gather his thoughts. With a deep exhale, he continued. “I don’t have an excuse for what I did other than being a demon. I want to kill myself for what I did to you and if I could take it back, I would.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Maybe I should have taken Castiel’s advice and killed you and then I wouldn’t be the star of this shit show,” Sam told him before picking up his plate and walking back to his room.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Dean watched as Sam walked away from him and it hit him, Cas had wanted to kill him, and Sam still wanted too. It was too much to take in, and for the first time in years, Dean Winchester cried.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The first-time Sam had morning sickness, Jesse Turner’s name popped into his head. He hadn’t thought about that kid in ages. He’d be a teenager now, but when Sam and Dean first met him in his hometown of Alliance, Nebraska, he was eleven years old and a threat to the world.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Sam supposed that he didn’t give in to his evil side, and that's why they haven’t had to try to find him again, but Sam just might because he’s going to need to know how to handle giving birth to the anti-Christ.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;As he cleaned himself up, he’d almost convinced himself that his child wasn't going to be like Jesse, but the only way to prevent it was to abort and for Sam just couldn’t. Abortion wasn’t an option. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He tried to convince himself that he wasn’t but his body was giving him signals that he was, he needed to talk to someone but Dean wasn’t an option, so he called Castiel.&lt;br /&gt;“Of course, you’re pregnant, Sam,” Castiel advised him in that monotone voice that made Sam want to cry. Any moment not he expected him to say ‘Bueller, Bueller.’ Just this once he wanted the angel of the Lord to have some compassion, was that too fucking much to ask. “Why is this troublesome to you? Bringing forth a new life should be a joyous event.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Because I don’t want to give birth to a goddamned Nephilim!” Sam barked into the phone.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“When I marked, your ribs, Sam that protected you from that happening. When your ribs were marked to protect you from angels, that meant inside your body as well.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“How did you know that Dean would claim me?” Sam asked both stupefied and relieved with the angel’s answer.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Honestly it was to protect Dean. You both wanted one another, but I knew that Dean could fight how he felt, but he couldn’t fight you.” &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Sam had no response to the statement, so he quietly disconnected the call and shifted for a run&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The day he came back from his weeklong shift, he knew he was pregnant, but he tried to deny his condition. However, once he began having morning sickness there was no more denying it, and he didn’t want to tell Dean.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He was going to find out; there was no way Sam cold stay holed up in his room. But first, he had to find a way to keep hunting. Omegas didn’t hunt, they stayed at home and took care of their Alpha. If this was what Dean wanted, Sam would have to follow his orders no matter how much he’d hate being sidelined.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The meetings in the kitchen were becoming more frequent, and Sam knew that they weren’t accidental, that Dean was somehow engineering the meetings and it occurred to Sam, just tell him what you want and get it over with.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Stop leaving the newspaper opened to jobs,” Sam said the next time they were in the kitchen together, “Isn’t what you’ve done to me bad enough without taunting me with what I can’t have?”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“You don’t want to hunt any more, Sammy?” Dean asked as though Sam had a choice in the matter. Dean had been ultra-protective before he’d claimed Sam, so he could only imagine how protective he was going to be now that he owned Sam. Once he learned that there was to be a pup, Sam was pretty sure he’d be on lockdown.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Don’t pretend that you’re going to let me continue to hunt,” Sam spat. “That’s something that you and dad had in common, protect your Omega, lock ‘em up if you must, but protect at all cost. So don’t stand there and pretend that you’re going to let me continue.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“I remember you feeling the same way Sam,” Dean smirked, “at one time you even said you didn’t want your Omega to work outside the home, you wanted Jess to drop out of college because education was a waste, so don’t pretend otherwise. I have no intention of stopping you from hunting unless this was an elaborate ruse to get me to say no. If that was the case, then all you had to do was ask. I’m happy with whatever you want.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“You’re… going to let me hunt?” Sam asked not bothering to hide his surprise.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“You’re a good hunter Sam, I would be stupid to keep you from hunting, but if you don’t want to keep hunting then whatever you want to do then, you can.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Aaah, I get it now, you agreed to let me keep hunting hoping that my weak Omega brain would choose to do something else, classy Dean.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“No! That’s not what I was trying to do,” Dean shook his head in denial, “I just wanted to let you know that the choice was yours.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Staring at his brother, his mate, Sam decided to put Dean to the test. He walked from the kitchen to the war room where Dean had left the newspapers and rifled through them and searched for the most difficult job among them. He knew that Dean was a man of his word, he wanted to see if he was an Alpha of his word.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Okay, there’s a couple here that look promising, let me research them both and see which one is the most important.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Sam,” Dean said hesitantly.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Yeah,” Sam stared at Dean taking in his nervous body language making him realize this was where he suggested that Sam not take chances because Omegas were delicate.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Um, your shoulder, is it well enough to hunt?”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“When you ask about my shoulder, do you mean the injury from the demon, hurt or where you stabbed me before you raped me?” Sam snapped.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Clearing his throat, Dean replied, “both.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Sam continued to stare at Dean and the emotions his brother was unable to mask made him want to wrap Dean in his arms and comfort him, but then Sam remembered that it was the Omega that wanted to comfort Dean and he shut the thought own. Dean didn’t deserve his comfort.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Yes, both injuries have healed. Unlike when I was searching for you, I was able to shift long enough to heal, so don’t worry, I won’t be a liability on a hunt.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Sam, that’s not… It doesn’t matter, just let me know which hunt you chose and I’ll be ready to go when you are.” Dean told him before leaving the room.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;His wolf was clawing at him, howling and demanding that he go after Dean and apologize, but Sam wasn’t ready to do that yet. He was going to be an Omega for the rest of his life; it wouldn’t hurt Dean to be punished for what he did.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;As Sam watched him leave he ignored his wolf telling him that it was the demon, not Dean who’d hurt him, but right now Sam couldn’t tell the difference.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;They should be researching for ways to remove the MoC from Dean’s arm, but that had to be put aside for this. He needed to know if he could trust Dean. In his head, he knew that Dean wasn’t himself, but his heart couldn’t get past the fact that Dean wanted to kill him but settled for raping and claiming him.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He knew that it wasn’t his Dean who did this, but he also knew that some part of Dean wanted this, had wanted this and the first chance he got, acted on his desires. The same desires Sam had been harboring.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;As he searched through the cases, Sam noticed that Dean was getting twitchy, it was like he had an itch to scratch, but his fingers were unable to reach the spot. Of course, it wouldn’t because he needed to kill. The lust to do so was calling out to him, and he didn’t even have the knife.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;a name='cutid1-end'&gt;&lt;/a&gt;</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:cillab42:89701</id>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="https://cillab42.livejournal.com/89701.html"/>
    <link rel="self" type="text/xml" href="https://cillab42.livejournal.com/data/atom/?itemid=89701"/>
    <title>Lien on my soul  chapter 6</title>
    <published>2017-03-06T08:43:36Z</published>
    <updated>2017-03-06T08:48:23Z</updated>
    <category term="pairing: sam/dean"/>
    <category term="spn_reversebang2017"/>
    <content type="html">&lt;img src="https://ic.pics.livejournal.com/cillab42/34693216/38762/38762_original.jpg" alt="" title="" fetchpriority="high"&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;As he once again sat outside the room, Sam lost count of the shots that he’d given Dean during the night. Each time he gave Dean a shot and had to listen to the howl of the pain of frustration he prayed that it would be the final shot.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He was taking more blood than Crowley had and Sam was sure that was because of the MOC, but whatever it was, it was draining Sam, and he was tired. Tired of everything. There was a time when he believed that everyone deserved a chance and rejected Dean’s because they’re evil and they need killing outlook.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;During the months he searched for his brother, he subscribed to that school of thought and did things that made him cringe. The things he’d done while searching for his brother including tricking that poor bastard and getting him to sell his soul was on top of the list.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;It was part of the reason Sam didn’t trust his blood to help Dean because his soul had to be black, or at least a very dark gray to do something like that. As the alarm signaling that it was time for the next shot sounded, Sam decided that he would spend the next hour in his bed sleeping.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Of course, he didn’t make it to his room because he couldn’t walk past Dean’s. During the time Dean was gone, Sam’s only focus was catching Dean’s scent, but tonight it was different. He took in the way Dean had decorated and somehow, he had missed a half-eaten slice of cherry pie.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Shaking his head, Sam removed the food and discovered pictures from their lives. His favorite was one of the two of them that was taken when Sam had just left Stanford, and a close second was one of their parents. As he looked at their lives and all that had been lost, he prayed that blood worked, and Dean was cured. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The time spent reminiscing meant that there was no sleep for Sam and he’s not sure that he would have slept anyway. His mind would have been on Dean sitting chained in the room. Alone. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;When it was time for the next shot, Sam walked into the room, and it was empty, somehow Dean had escaped.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Dean smiled as he crept through the halls of the bunker. Sam had thought that he was curing him, and he was, but he hadn’t counted on the cure curing him but leaving enough of the demon in him to still want to rip Sam’s fucking neck out.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;And he would enjoy it.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Sam discovered that he was gone earlier than Dean wanted him too, but he still had the drop because he’s escaped before Sam could give him another shot. Dean was happy about that because another shot would have cured him and Dean wouldn’t have gotten his revenge, and that would be tragic.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He now had to figure out where Sam was in the bunker, and he received his answer when the overhead lights went out, and the exits were marked by flashing red emergency beacons.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Free for the first time since Sam bought him back to the bunker, Dean decides to move towards the electrical room since he knows that Sam was just there. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“That’s a smart move, Sammy,” Dean complimented his brother. “Locking the place down, it’s what I would have done to keep me from leaving, but I don’t want to leave. At least not until I’m done with you.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;As he talked, Dean moved forward to find his prey, but he stopped to search for the keys to the room in case Sam has it locked. He was not going to leave until he killed his brother, but he wanted to see him die because that would make it more enjoyable.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;As he walked he heard a clatter, with that bad arm it was most likely Sam dropped something, but it let Dean know that he was moving in the right direction.&lt;br /&gt;Once he reached his destination, Sam wasn’t in sight, so Dean carefully opened the door check if Sam was inside. The room was dark, and he couldn’t see, so he stepped inside, switched on the light and grinned as Sam closed and locked the door.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;As his brother begged him to let him continue the treatments, Dean didn’t answer; he just searched the room for something to get him out of the room and bash Sam’s skull and watch as the light dimmed in those pretty eyes.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;In the middle of the room was a table about waist high filled with tools, bearings of some kind and an open can of white grease lubricant. As Dean glanced around the room, he noticed that the tools he needed to exact his revenge were in the room and his sweet little Sammy lead him right to them.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Dipping his finger in the grease, Dean smelled for a trace of chemicals, and found none, next he grabbed a hammer and swiped his arm across the table until all that was left was a few tools and the tub of grease.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Looking at his handiwork, Dean smiled. An image of Sam bent over it taking him deep popped into his head and played over and over as though stuck in a loop, so he changed his plan. Instead of killing him Dean would do to Sam what he did to Cole, humiliate him. Nothing would be more humiliating than to turn the proud Alpha into his bitch Omega and fill him with pups as an extra fuck you.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;was so hard as he walked to the door that he had to stop and adjust himself before he tried the handle again.  Sam was still prattling on about curing him, so Dean began to smash through the door with a hammer to get free and to shut him up. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Stepping through the smashed door, Sam was there waiving Ruby’s knife at him, but Dean sidestepped it with little effort.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Surely this wasn’t your big plan, Sammy, ‘cause I gotta tell you if it is then I’ve given you more credit over the years than you deserve.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;There was going to be drinks bought for the demon who winged Sam because being down one arm made it easy to overpower the big man. With his arm in the sling, when Sam tried to plunge the knife into Dean’s shoulder, the older Winchester easily side stepped and avoided being stabbed, but the momentum threw Sam off balance. Dean then grabbed Sam's hand and bent it to the point of breaking until he dropped the knife and shoved his bad arm against the wall making Sam cry out in pain.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Dean,” Sam grunted, “You don’t have to do this.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Why not when it’s going to be so much fun?” Dean snarked as he rotated Sam’s body until he was facing the wall. “I’ll bet right now you wish that you had taken the time to shift and let your arm heal, but I thank you for being too impatient because it made this easier for me.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Knowing that the pain was going to keep Sam still for a little while, Dean took the time to frisk Sam. He wanted to make sure that he wasn’t carrying any more weapons and he wanted to retrieve the demon killing knife. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;It was nice feeling Sam’s body, and because of the way that big body was tightening up trying not to respond to the feel of his hands, Dean made sure not to miss anything. Despite the pain in was in, Sam’s dick didn’t seem to care because as Dean searched for weapons, the only one he found was Sam’s cock.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;To get even for the bacon and eggs, Dean gave the monster cock a stroke through its denim covering, and at Sam’s moan, he unzipped them and slipped his hand inside and began stroking. When he felt Sam’s body tightening this time, he knew he was about to come, and that wasn’t going to happen until he was inside Sam.&lt;br /&gt;Tugging on Sam’s arm, to pull him into the room, “Move!” Dean ordered.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“No,” Sam refused. “If you’re going to kill me it, you can do it here.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;God, he forgot how fucking stubborn Sam could be when he convinced himself self of something, but this time he was wrong. A few hours ago he would have been correct, but he didn’t think the knowledge that Dean was planning to turn him into an Omega was going to go over any easier.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Move, Sam,” Dean demanded.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;When his brother just stood there, Dean decided to make him move, so he took the knife and plunged it into Sam’s already injured shoulder. The attack was unexpected and painful, and Sam screamed from the pain. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;As he pulled the knife from Sam’s shoulder, he could see ripples underneath the clothes as Sam’s wolf was coming forward to protect him, and Dean couldn’t have that.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“If you shift, I’ll rip your fucking throat out,” Dean promised.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Snarling, Sam stopped mid shift and turned towards the room as Dean wanted.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Dean, don’t,” Sam pleaded.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“You’ll shift when I’m ready for you to shift, now move.” &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Dean followed his brother into the room and guided him to the table. Sam’s shirt was soaked with blood, and Dean noticed that his face was almost white from the pain. Once he had completed the claim, he’d let Sam shift and heal, but not before. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Once they reached the table, Dean bent Sam over the table, and even though he was weak from the pain, Sam tried to fight, but each time he did, Dean pressed a finger into the wound and reveled at the howl of pain. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Don’t pass out Sam,” Dean chuckled, “You don’t have to enjoy this, hell I don’t expect you to, but I want you to be aware of what I’m about to do to you.” &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Pushing Sam down face first, Dean used the knife to cut away Sam’s jeans and underwear leaving him exposed and vulnerable.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Dean no, please don’t,” Sam begged weakly.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;That’s what Dean wanted to hear, the sound of his brother begging and pleading. It was making him so hard he was leaking, but he had to make this quick because he didn’t want Sam to recover and begin to fight back.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Reaching to his right, Dean pulled the grease can closer and dipped and finger inside to coat it before running it down the crease of Sam’s cheeks, stopping at that pink hole. He would punish Sam by not stretching him, but there’s no way he’s getting inside there otherwise.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Slipping a finger inside, he softly laughed at Sam’s feeble attempt to fight against the intrusion and his already tight channel tightened around Dean’s finger, “Let me in Sam,” Dean demanded.  “I’m trying to be nice, but if you fight I’ll fight back.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Gradually Sam relaxed, and when Dean added another finger and began to scissor them, he heard Sam crying. “Aw, why so sad Sam? Isn't this what you had planned for me? I’m sure you would have come up with some story about it being for the greater good, and old Dean would have bought it, but lean, mean Dean knows that’s just a bunch of bullshit.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Dean, please, I’m…” Sam sobbed, but the rest of his sentence was cut short by a moan when Dean stroked that little bundle of nerves that made up his prostate.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“That bought little Sammy back to life,” Dean said as he reached underneath Sam and stroked him. “Maybe not so little Sammy, but that’ll change.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;With his cock pressing behind his jeans, Dean couldn’t wait any longer, so he unzipped his jeans, and coated his cock and added more grease to Sam’s hole. Closing his eyes at the realization that he was about to get something he’d wanted his entire life, Dean lined up to the tight muscle and pushed.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Despite his desire to rush, Dean took his time and eased inside until his balls were slapping against Sammy’s ass.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;One he was seated Sam began to thrash and try to buck him off, and Dean reached up and pressed into the wound again. The pain made Sam tense, causing him to squeeze Dean’s cock so tight that it bordered on painful.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Once the tension left Sam’s body, Dean began to move slowly to let Sam get used to the intrusion. He wanted participation, and Sam might as well have been a wet dishrag. To coax his involvement, Dean reached around and began to stroke Sam’s dick and leaned forward and taunt him.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“I feel you getting hard for me Sammy,” Dean whispered in Sam's ear as he stroked. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Sam was fighting what he was feeling, and when Dean hit his prostate, he made sure he hit it with each stroke. When Sam didn’t respond verbally, Dean scraped his teeth over the juncture of Sam’s shoulder and neck.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Feels good doesn't it Sammy? The next time you start something, make sure it’s finished, you took away just enough demon to escape your trap, and I just waltzed over that sigil. Now you didn’t finish, but I’m going to finish.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;With each stroke, Dean felt his knot began to catch on Sam’s rim until they were stuck. Dean kept up his assault on Sam’s prostate until he felt Sam’s balls tighten hard enough to milk Dean’s orgasm from him.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“What's the matter, Sammy,” Dean sneered, “didn’t expect this huh? Spent all those years dreaming about me taking your knot, you don’t look so smug now that it’s you taking my knot.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Once his come sprayed Sam’s inside, Dean bit down on that tender flesh, claiming Sam as his own.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He’s not sure how long they were tied, but it didn’t matter because Sam was now his. His Omega.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Once his knot deflated, Dean pulled out and watched with a smile as his cum leaked from Sam’s now gaping hole. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“God, Sammy, I wish you could see yourself, pretty little hole all fucked out and leaking my seed. Now that I’ve paid you back, I’m gonna let you marinate and complete the change while I find Crowley and settle up with him.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He didn’t get a chance to make good on his promise because he felt a touch on his head and he was out like a light.  &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;img src="https://ic.pics.livejournal.com/cillab42/34693216/39104/39104_original.jpg" alt="" title="" loading="lazy"&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Sam let out a huff of air as Dean’s body slumped forward. What happened? Did his brother die? If he were honest, that would suit Sam just fine.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Sam, are you alright?” He heard Castiel ask.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Yeah,” Sam whispered because he was embarrassed about what just happened and that Castiel had witnessed how Dean had used him. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“He’s going to be out for some time; I’ll finish the ritual while you clean up.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He waited until Castiel was gone before he stood up to walk to the sink in the corner. With each step, his pain and Dean’s seed leaking form him made him aware of his humiliation. Castiel was going to complete Dean’s transformation, but Sam wanted to be there. He wasn’t presenting yet, so Sam wasn’t going to act like an emotional Omega just because he’d been fucked.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Once Castiel had taken Dean away Sam forced himself not to chase after them as was his knee jerk reaction. He wanted to do a lot of things, chase after Dean, beat the shit out of him and let his brother fuck him again until he came so hard they both saw stars.&lt;br /&gt;Yeah, he wanted to do that, but the reality was all he could do was sit on the floor of the electrical room and let the reality of what happened to sink in. Dean had bested him, abused him; he’d fucking fucked him and claimed him, and there was nothing Sam could do about it.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He was splashing water on his face when the pains began to hit him. At first, they weren’t bad because they were warring with the pain Dean had inflected, but then his body temperature spiked, it went from the normal ninety-eight degrees to ninety-eight thousand degrees. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The water wasn’t helping cool his body as the changes of becoming an Omega ravaged his body. He hoped that Dean’s seed wouldn’t take in his womb but when was the last time anything ever went his way?&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Sam had planned everything, how to remove the demon, how to claim Dean and convince him that it was for the best. He’d planned everything but Dean being able to get free from the cuffs and still be a demon, and now he belonged to Dean. His life without Dean had been horrible, but belonging to him while he was still a demon was going to make his life hellish.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“I’m so sorry baby,” Sam apologized to a pup he wasn’t sure existed, “but I’ll try my best to protect you.” John Winchester would be father of the year compared to the type of father he imagined Dean being, so now it was going to be his time to disappear because there was no way he was going to let Dean near this child.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He had to get through the night first.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;As the sweat poured from his body, Sam decided to go to his room where he could ride out the worst of the pain. When he stood up, his legs gave out, and he fell to the floor as pain shot through his body. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Part of the pain was hearing his wolf howl as the soul and spirit of his Alpha was ripped from his body, the rest was all physical. His body began to realign itself, making him think that he was going to shift, but as he held up a trembling hand, he watched in horror at the bones in his hands became thinner. Where his fingers once were thick and meaty before they were now slender and delicate and fragile.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He didn’t have time to dwell on his hands because his body began to react as though he was shifting, but this wasn’t a shift. The movement of his bones and muscle was his body changing, bones becoming less dense and muscles shrinking. Even his feet changed, and like his hands they were thinner and delicate, making his clothes too big for his new body.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Once his muscles and bones changed, the real pain began, because now his stomach and his genitals were on fire. In a moment of clarity, he suspected that his body was growing his new womb and ovaries. Reaching between his legs to feel his cock, and he began to cry when he felt the loose skin where his knot had once been.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He didn’t even attempt to feel his balls because he knew they had shrunk as well, but he did feel something wet. Bringing his hand into view, he saw the blood.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He didn’t need to question the source for that either, he knew that was his birth canal was forming,  making the transformation complete. He tried to shift and make this transformation easier, but because his wolf was changing as well, he couldn’t shift and had no choice but to endure the pain.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;In an attempt to make it back to his room to take in all of the changes and take something for the pain,  Sam stood up to fast,  became nauseous and threw up into the sink which made him light headed causing him to faint.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;a name='cutid1-end'&gt;&lt;/a&gt; &lt;a href="http://cillab42.livejournal.com/90031." target="_blank"&gt;Chapter 7A&lt;/a&gt;</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:cillab42:89508</id>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="https://cillab42.livejournal.com/89508.html"/>
    <link rel="self" type="text/xml" href="https://cillab42.livejournal.com/data/atom/?itemid=89508"/>
    <title>Lien on my soul  chapter 5</title>
    <published>2017-03-06T08:07:21Z</published>
    <updated>2017-03-06T08:44:36Z</updated>
    <category term="pairing: sam/dean"/>
    <category term="spn_reversebang2017"/>
    <content type="html">&lt;img src="https://ic.pics.livejournal.com/cillab42/34693216/38552/38552_original.jpg" alt="" title="" fetchpriority="high"&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Before Sam could respond, a canister came flying through the window of the bar. The tin can was spewing some kind of gas, most likely tear gas, but while Sam fell to the floor like a sack of potatoes and gasped for air, Dean wasn’t affected.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Taking advantage of Sam’s crawl towards the fresh air, Dean sauntered out the back door to see who was stupid enough to try to take him on. Even if he wasn’t a demon, he and Sam together were a force to be reckoned with so he needed to see this idiot before he killed him.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He made it to the front of the bar to see some guy, maybe a hunter Sam had pissed off in his manic search, take advantage and throw a sucker punch while his brother was on his knees.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;That didn’t sit well with Dean; the feelings he and his brother had shared weren’t there any longer, but the possessive treat towards his younger brother was.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“I don’t think we’ve met,” Dean smirked at the stranger before he handed his ass for hurting his Sam. Dean was disappointed that when he finally met the guy, he wasn’t a hunter at all. This was sweeter; the man was the son of some monster Dean had killed years before who had hunted Dean down to exact revenge. Dean had lied when he told the man he didn’t remember him, but there was no reason to give the man that satisfaction when he was trying to kill him.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Dean was gloating over his victory over Cole when he felt the blow to the back of his head and found himself face down eating pavement as Sammy cuffed him and Cole limped away. He hadn’t thought the cuffs would work, that the MOC would protect him, but now he sat on the passenger side of his car watching Sam hand over his blade to Crowley. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“I guess it doesn’t matter what Crowley does when he’s helping you huh, Sammy?” Dean snarked as Sam slid behind the steering wheel. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The bitch face Sam threw him told him that he’d struck a nerve, and with that knowledge, he leaned his head back and closed his eyes. Sam was too mad now, but he would start asking questions, and Dean was in no mood to give answers.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Sam held out with his questions longer than Dean thought he would, they were half way back to the bunker before Sam said anything, and to Dean’s surprise, it wasn’t a question.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“This car is a mess,” Sam complained as he swiped fast-food wrappers from the dash. “When was the last time you cleaned her out?”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;A dirty car was what he was leading in with? “It’s just a car Sam,” Dean shrugged and leaned his head. “’Course if you remove these pretty bracelets, then I’ll clean her up for you.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“I broke my arm, not my brain, Dean, and bedsides; I’m not some trusting little Omega who jumps at your beck and call.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Speaking of Omegas, where’s my little angel? I’ll bet Cas would free me from these.”&lt;br /&gt;“He’s going to meet us at the bunker, I called him before we left North Dakota, so you’ll see him soon enough.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“I can’t wait to see him,” Dean said.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Dean watched the emotions on Sam’s face. His little brother was jealous of Cas when he had no reason to be. Dean never had any designs on the man, because he couldn’t see past Sam. As he continued talking about Cas, Dean had a plan form.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He’d wanted Sam for years, and while it wasn’t common, it wasn’t unheard of for family members to mate. Centuries ago it was common practice to keep the bloodline strong, but today it’s mostly European royals who still honored the practice.  &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;There had to be a way to get rid of the handcuffs before Sam started to dose him up with blood, and when he did, he was going to take what was his. That was going to take a lot of energy, so Dean let Sam continue voicing his displeasure while he rested up for his escape.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Before they began the long drive back to the bunker, Sam pulled into the first convenience store to fill up the tank. He could have driven a little further before stopping, but he wanted to call Castiel and have him meet up at the bunker.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;As much as he wanted to believe he could handle Dean on his own, Sam didn’t want to take that chance.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;"I've got him Cas," Sam said with a sigh of relief. “He doesn’t want to come with me, but I’ve got him.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“That is good Sam,” Castiel replied, “How is he?”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Glancing over to the car, Sam sighed, “He’s. He’s not our Dean.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Your Dean, you mean,” Castiel said in that monotone voice that sometimes irritated Sam. “As much as I may want it, he’s never been my Dean Sam; he’s always been yours.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Not anymore,” Sam shook his head. “Hey, Cas, let me run this by you, if Dean was an Omega, how would that affect the Mark? I mean would it lessen his need to kill?”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“It’s possible,” Castiel said after a moment of silence. “He would still need to kill, but he would be under the control of his Alpha and depending on who claimed him, he would still be dangerous. Unless.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Unless what Cas?” Sam asked impatiently.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“You already know Sam, or you wouldn’t ask about claiming Dean. Once he’s human again you plan on turning him don’t you?”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;When Sam didn’t answer, Castiel continued. “Are you going to force him?&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“No. No!” Sam denied. “I want to use what happened today to convince him that it’s for the best…”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“So you’re going to guilt him, that’s the same as forcing him.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“I love him, goddamn it!”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Letting your lust for Dean convince yourself that this is the lesser of two evils, doesn’t make it right, but then by the time you’ve changed him it won’t matter will it?” Castiel asked.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“I’ll see you at the bunker,” Sam snapped before disconnecting the call.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;It wasn’t easy getting Dean inside the bunker, but Sam finally managed to get him in the interrogation room. It hurt seeing him tied up and sitting in the chair reserved for demons, was this how Dean felt when he lost his soul?&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Over the years he’d given Dean hell for the choices he’s made, including the one where he had an angel use him as a meat suit. All of the choices were hard and made from love, and he hoped Dean felt the same once the blood has done its work.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“You gonna feed me, Sammy?” Dean asked with a cock of his head. “I mean you took me on this road trip and you haven’t fed me, and now you have me trussed up like a Christmas turkey, and I can’t feed myself.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“I-you’re hungry?” Sam asked not bothering to hide his surprise.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Yeah, Sam, demons eat too,” Dean grinned, and the sight of it was like a punch in the gut for Sam. “And drink, so two fingers of whiskey wouldn’t go amiss.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Instead of marching over to Dean and shutting him up with a kiss as he wanted, Sam left the room and went to the kitchen to see what they had by way of food. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The fridge only had the essentials, because Sam hated to grocery shop, which had been Dean’s thing. He did the grocery shopping the cooking and a lot of the cleaning which fueled Sam’s fantasies of Dean being his Omega. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Twenty minutes later Sam was back with a plate of bacon, eggs and toast and a cup of coffee-sans the whiskey- the way Dean liked it, black. He knew the coffee would need to cool before allowing Dean to drink it, but his brother never ate breakfast without a cup of joe. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“You gonna feed me, Sam?” Dean quirked his eyebrows as he looked at the plate of food. “I’m your big brother, you know you can trust me, so why don’t we remove the cuffs and we’ll call it even.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Right,” Sam said letting the sarcasm drip. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Dean opened his mouth to say something Sam was sure to be equally sarcastic, and Sam shut him up by shoving a piece of bacon in his mouth.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The action seemed to be a good idea, but watching as Dean’s mouth closed around the strip of bacon Sam had to bite back a moan. It was sinful watching the meat disappear between those plump lips leaving a greasy residue making the lips appear, thicker, wet and abused.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“That was delicious, Sammy,” Dean praised as he licked his lips and when he asked for more, Sam was sure his brother’s voice dropped an octave.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;With trembling fingers, Sam placed another piece of bacon between Dean’s lips but this time he didn’t let go. He held on as Dean bit down until his lips reached Sam’s fingers and when the last morsel was gone, Dean licked the salty flavor from the digits pulling a moan that Sam couldn’t choke back if he tried.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He knew he shouldn’t do this, but once Deans lips stopped the suction on Sam’s finger, Sam quickly reached for another piece to repeat the action. Once the bacon was gone, Sam’s long slender fingers delved into the scrambled eggs. There was a fork on the plate, but neither man seemed to mind the chosen form of delivery.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“You’re getting better at cooking, Sam,” Dean complimented his brother as he opened his mouth for the eggs, “I’ve never tasted anything better.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;All Sam could do was a grunt in response because he was too fascinated by the movement of Dean’s lips as they wrapped around his fingers and took the food.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He should be embarrassed, the secret he’d been keeping over the years was finally out; he wanted Dean as his. Judging by the way Dean is throwing off pheromones stronger than the ones Sam was releasing, Dean wanted it too. Sam was through fighting this.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Once he made Dean human again, Sam was claiming him. They’d argue about the morals of it later, but he was claiming Dean.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;As Dean sucked on his finger, Sam’s breathing became shallow trying not to come in his jeans. If he didn’t know better, he’d think that was what Dean was trying to accomplish. Trying for an equanimity he didn’t possess, Sam slowly pulled his finger from Dean’s mouth, took the dish and left the room.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He was so hard that he could barely walk; his cock was so sensitive that the brush of his jeans against his cock almost made him come. Hurrying to the kitchen, Sam deposited the dish before running to Dean’s room.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He chose Deans room because it was closer and it still had a lingering scent of his brother there. During Dean’s absence, Sam began to sleep in the room because it made him feel closer to his brother and it smelled like him. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Dean was back home, and Sam was going to make him human again, and he’d make sure that he was always bathed in his brother’s scent, but right now he had more pressing matters to take attend.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Sam just made it to the bed after hastily removing his pants and boxer briefs. With the fresh scent of Dean on his body, Sam reached down to stroke himself, and fuck if that didn’t feel good. He’d jerked off many times thinking about Dean but never with the knowledge that he could have his brother.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He was too hard and too everything for this to last long, but Sam tried to draw it out as long as possible, or that was the plan. However, when he felt his balls tighten up when his hand touched his cock, he knew this was going to be a quickie.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Lying back on the bed, Sam let his finger begin a slow stroke from the head to the base, letting the pre-come drooling from the head be his lubrication. Beginning to stroke in earnest, Sam threw his head back and remembered the feel of Deans mouth on his fingers and fuck if that hadn’t felt better than a lot of blow jobs he’d had.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He could feel the warm wet cavern of Dean’s mouth enveloping his cock, and his orgasm ripped through him so hard it took his breath away.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Taking a few minutes to catch his breath, Sam cleaned himself up and headed to the war room to determine which hospital would be best to get the large amount of blood he needed to save his brother.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;It was funny that a lab coat and a stethoscope was all it took to convince people that you were a doctor and that you belonged. St Agatha was the closest hospital with a blood bank that carried the amount of blood Sam needed, but it was two hours away, and he worried about leaving Dean that long. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;It was easy to walk into the blood bank and even easier to get a priest to bless the blood, now he was ready for the hard part, administering it to Dean. His biggest fear was that the cure wouldn’t work. His second was that Dean would be gone when he returned.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Dean was there scowling as Sam walked in with the blood. He had completed the ritual; now it was a waiting game.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;As he prepared the first syringe, a nagging voice told him he should wait for Castiel, but Sam was eager to get the process started; it was hard not to when he realized that by this time tomorrow he would have his brother back. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He knew that any blood worked on Crowley because the man had been dead for centuries, but he wasn’t so sure about Dean, not willing to take a chance, Sam grabbed the O positive blood to match Deans. He didn’t want to make his brother human only to have him die because he administered the wrong blood type.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He and Dean were the same blood type, and Sam would have loved to use his blood to bring Dean back, but he was terrified that his blood was still tainted by the yellow eyed demon who fed him his blood when he was an infant. Then there was the copious amount of demon blood he’d ingested on his own, and that could impede the process.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;That would be the most intimate of gifts, his blood pumping through Deans veins, him being a part of his brother both literally and emotionally. That was another fucked up fantasy in of his, so Sam settled for a stranger. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“So this is how we’re gonna play this?” Dean chuckled when Sam walked into the room. “Just keep in mind that I’m not Crowley and there won’t be any tears.”&lt;br /&gt;“I get it, Dean,” Sam said trying to sound equally unaffected. “But this is what we have to do to get you back.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“I don’t suppose that it occurred to you that I don’t want to change back- that I wanted to be like this? Being a demon is like Purgatory without the location. I feel free and had I wanted to go back to being your side kick then I would have stayed.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Let’s get started,” Sam said ignoring Dean’s hurtful words. “If it’s any consolation, I got your blood type.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“How is that a consolation when you know I hate needles?” &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Picking up the syringe and expelling the air Sam replied, “I hate demons, so we’re even.” &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Turning his back on his brother, eager to get the process started, Sam pulled out the flask of holy water, sprinkled it on the devil’s trap and began the incantation while Dean fought against the restraints.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Without saying another word, Sam plunged the needled in the vein that stood out as Dean pulled against the restraints. After the injection, Sam stood back and watched as the blood circulated through his brother’s veins.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;At first, Dean huffed and fought harder against the restraints, and Sam could almost see his brother's wolf trying to escape, but his heart struck with fear as he heard his brother make the most feral sound Sam had ever heard coming from another wolf.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;For a second he thought that there was something wrong with the blood because Crowley didn’t behave like this, but eventually, Dean stopped fighting and making those awful noises allowing Sam to relax. That was until he realized Dean wasn’t moving.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Come back to me,” Sam begged as he grabbed Dean’s face, shaking him. “Hey, you okay? He asked when Dean opened his eyes.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“As okay as one can be when drowning in your own sweat as your blood boils. Just let me go.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“No,” Sam answered immediately, “I need to get my brother back.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Why I like the new me. The old guilt ridden, weight-of-the-world Dean is gone and replaced my me. Lean, mean Dean.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Sam’s face went blank as he administered the next shot before leaving the room.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Sam didn’t go far.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He spent the night outside of the room administering the blood and listening to Dean and make sure that he was alright.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;a href="http://cillab42.livejournal.com/89701.html" target="_blank"&gt;Chapter 6&lt;/a&gt;&lt;a name='cutid1-end'&gt;&lt;/a&gt;</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:cillab42:89325</id>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="https://cillab42.livejournal.com/89325.html"/>
    <link rel="self" type="text/xml" href="https://cillab42.livejournal.com/data/atom/?itemid=89325"/>
    <title>Lien on my soul  chapter 4 </title>
    <published>2017-03-06T07:52:33Z</published>
    <updated>2017-03-06T08:08:38Z</updated>
    <category term="alpha!dean"/>
    <category term="sam/dean"/>
    <category term="wordcount:20000- 40000"/>
    <category term="spn_reversebang2017"/>
    <category term="omega!sam"/>
    <content type="html">&lt;img src="https://ic.pics.livejournal.com/cillab42/34693216/38201/38201_original.jpg" alt="" title="" fetchpriority="high"&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Sam didn’t waste time wallowing in his feelings of jealousy, and he didn’t want to take a chance that Castiel would try to help, so he sobered up and made his way to Portage, Wisconsin. Working with the sheriff one of the few times it didn’t end up a pissing contest because the local cops didn’t want to work with the FBI.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;As a matter of fact, the sheriff was proud to show what his tech boys could do and queued up the video of a man they were calling porn guy and Drew Nealy.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Sam couldn’t believe his eyes when porn guy turned out to be Dean, but with that description, he should have known. Despite whatever happened one ting hadn’t changed, and Dean was leafing through the latest edition of Busty Asian Omegas.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;As he stood behind the sheriff, Sam tried not to let his excitement of seeing Dean show, but man it was hard, and so was his dick. He was surprised that the sheriff couldn’t smell his arousal, but being a beta, his sense of smell wasn’t that strong.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Watching the video, Sam noticed that the way Nealy walked into the store with his blade drawn, he knew Dean was there in the store, it was as though he’d been tipped off. As a follower of Abaddon, Nealy wanted to be the one to kill Dean, but he had help locating him, and Sam could only think of one person who had that information, Crowley.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;All of the transgressions from Crowley and his crew were forgotten as Dean turned to the demon, Sam saw something that couldn’t- that he hoped like hell wasn’t true. Asking for some time alone with the video, Sam rewound the video and found what he hoped was an issue with the camera, Dean’s eyes were black. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;His brother was a demon.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;As fast as he could without embarrassing himself, Sam left the sheriff’s department and drove to the motel he’d set up shop in for the duration of th investigation. He’d barely made it inside the door before the tears began to fall. He had stopped grieving when he found Dean’s note, but now he had to start the process all over again, except this time was worse.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;This time Dean was dead and Crowley was using his brother’s body as a meat suit for some evil thing to possess and Sam was going to have to kill- fuck it will be effectively killing Dean all over again. So much for the anti-possession tattoos, guess they don’t work after you’re dead.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;This time Dean was dead, and Crowley was using his brother’s body as a meat suit for some evil thing and Sam was going to have to kill- fuck it will be effectively killing Dean all over again. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Knowing that he was going to have to kill his brother, or rather the demon wearing him filled him with sorrow and hurt, but once he took care of him, Crowley was next. Over the years he’d let Dean or the situation keep him from killing the bastard, but Dean wasn’t here, and there was no reason to keep the fucker around.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;There would be someone to rise and take Crowley place, but that was a problem for another day, right now it was Dean’s body and memory he needed to take care of before he hunted the King of Hell down.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Right now, he needed to mourn his brother. Again.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Sam wasn’t the only person who was going to mourn Dean and even though he was jealous of the connection Dean had with the angel, Sam called Cas and informed him of his findings. As he waited for Castiel to answer, Sam knew that sharing Dean’s death with someone was the only reason he called Castiel because he didn’t want to bear this loss alone.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;img src="https://ic.pics.livejournal.com/cillab42/34693216/38087/38087_original.jpg" alt="" title="" loading="lazy"&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;It was dumb luck that let him find Dean, or rather Crowley. Drew Nealy’s phone was left behind in the convenience store, and the clerk passed it on to Sam. The first number in the recent call list belonged to Crowley, and that’s where Sam learned the truth, Dean wasn’t possessed by a demon, Dean was a demon, and Sam’s not sure which was worse.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;If it came down to it, making another goddamned deal with the devil might top the list, but apparently because of the Mark of Cain Dean bore, Crowley was unable to control Dean and losing face with his underlings. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;To get Dean out of his hair, Crowley struck a bargain, Dean for the First Blade that made Dean unstoppable even to Crowley, so Sam headed to North Dakota to bring his brother home. There was no way he was going to deal with the MOC and Dean being a demon, but he had a cure for the demon, he just had to get Dean back to the bunker.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Before he died, Dean had said that he was proud of them, but after some of the things, Sam had done to find Dean. He hoped that was still true.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Of course, their fucking past, or rather Dean’s caught up with him.  Sam had been so concentrated on getting to Dean that he let some yahoo put a kill switch on his car. Why does shit like this keep happening to them? He’s sure that for all he and Dean have done for the world they deserve a break now and then, but they just can’t seem to catch a break.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;On top of Dean returning from the dead, the kid of some monster Dean ganked over a decade ago is back for revenge and is using Sam to get to Dean. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;That’s not going to happen, if Sam doesn’t manage to get himself free, he was sure that Dean would come to his rescue. That theory was shot down when Dean told his kidnapper, Cole, that he didn’t care one way or another, but he’d kill him when their paths crossed.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;What kind of fucked up shit is that? &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;If there was anything in this world Sam had been able to depend on was Dean risking life and limb to make sure Sam was safe, but this incarnation of his brother didn’t seem to give two actual fucks. That meant that with his one good arm, Sam was going to have to find a way to free himself before this moron killed him before he found Dean.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;There was no MoC branded into his skin to ensure that he’d come back to life, so Sam had to be certain that he didn’t die. When he freed himself, he was going after his brother and if he missed Dean, then bad arm or not he was going to hunt down Cole and kill him for the hell of it. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Luckily for Cole, Sam managed to escape and catch up with Dean and Crowley. The place was called the Black Spur in Beulah, North Dakota. Sam’s not sure what the attraction was because Dean hated cold weather, perhaps it was an omega who kept Dean there. Oh fuck, what if Dean has mated with some unknown Omega, but his wolf snarled and told him that hadn’t happened. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Sam’s not sure how his wolf knew, but he believed his spirit animal. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;When Sam walked into the dive -he refused to call it a bar- he wasn’t sure if he could trust Crowley, that this wasn’t an ambush. The bastard had been the one to trick Dean into taking the MOC without explaining what it meant to bear the brand. But what pissed Sam off the most was Crowley had stolen Dean’s body.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;That’s the only explanation for Dean leaving him voluntarily. Yeah Crowley said that that it was Dean and not just his meat suit, but Sam still wasn’t convinced.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The only reason Crowley was telling Sam where to locate his brother was that he couldn’t control Dean as he did his other demons. Sam smiled at that. The only man’s whose orders Dean had followed blindly was their father's, but he’d even sided against their dad and sided with Sam, but he wasn’t sure about this Dean.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;This Dean walked out on him and went road tripping with Crowley. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He wasn’t sure of all Dean had done, but it was enough to make the King of Hell nearly piss himself, so Sam was a little wary.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;It was still good to see his brother.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;It was easy to find his brother in the dark room, the bartender was setting up for the night’s service, so he and Dean were the only ones in the room. Seeing his brother after weeks of searching, Sam stood still just inside the doorway to gather his thoughts and get his emotions under control.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;His wolf was clawing just under the surface, demanding to be let out and end this farce and claim Dean and make him theirs. Sam wanted that too, but he had to get him back to the bunker first.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;From across the room, Sam drank in the familiar sight. Those broad shoulders, the thick arms and an ass so perfect it made Sam’s mouth water. Dean was sitting at a piano playing with the keys as he observed his brother. Even if he was a demon, he appeared relaxed; Sam figured that if Dean had no soul, then he had no worries.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He wasn’t wearing the multi layers with a jacket armed to the teeth with weapons at the ready, no he had on a t-shirt, jeans and an open red and blue flannel shirt. He was smiling as he toyed with the instrument and seemed unaware of his surroundings.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The smile took his breath away. It wasn’t often that Dean smiled like that and it was a beautiful thing to behold, and Sam wanted to be the one to put a smile like that on his mate’s face.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;"Hiya, Sam,” Dean greeted without looking up.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;img src="https://ic.pics.livejournal.com/cillab42/34693216/37858/37858_original.jpg" alt="" title="" loading="lazy"&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Dean’s fingers played a tune that he thought that he’d forgotten a long time ago. He’d learned it from a pretty little Beta who gave him her virginity while they were stuck in some Podunk town in Oregon. It’s funny he can’t remember her name, but whenever he has the time to sit behind a piano, he can play the song.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He didn’t hear the door open, but Dean was aware when Sammy walked in because the familiar scent of his brother stirred his wolf like nothing had in weeks. He was clawing and howling that Sammy was here and he needed to make him theirs.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Years of practice made it easy for Dean to ignore his wolf’s demands, besides he had another desire clawing at him that was too strong to ignore.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Still not looking up from the piano, Dean ordered the bar tender to leave, “Hey Harve, you wanna take a break.” He’d been renting a room above the bar for the past two weeks, and he’d earned a reputation for violence, so Harvey took the leave rather than a beating. &lt;br /&gt;“What are you doing here Sam?” Dean asked caressing the piano keys once more before standing and heading to the bar.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Dean wasn’t stupid; he knew the reason Sam was here. If the roles had been reversed, he would be doing the same, but with less puppy dog eyes and a little more force. Those fucking eyes were the reason he didn’t look at his brother when he walked in.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Those damned things could have you confessing every sin you ever committed, and he wasn’t ready to do that. Reaching for the tequila, Dean poured a glass and waited for Sam to answer. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Concentrating on the burn of the alcohol while he waited for Sam’s answer, Dean wondered how Sam timed his arrival. After an argument with Crowley about an hour ago, Sam had been on Dean’s mind.  Dean had supposed to have killed a woman as a part of a bargain for a soul, but the woman’s husband pissed him off so much he killed the man.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Crowley bitched about losing the deal, but there was a change of guard in the White House, so Dean was positive business would be booming. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;As he drained the glass and was in the process of pouring another drink, he noticed that Sam’s arm was in a sling. Sam wasn’t like Dean to rush in guns blazing, so when he got hurt, it was from hand to hand, so the busted arm threw Dean a little.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Pissed him off a little that someone had hurt his brother, and if it was that bastard who threatened to kill Sam, well this was just another reason to gut him. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Who winged you?” he asked Sam with a mild curiosity.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Does it matter?” Sam asked with a pissy face and a heavy sigh letting Dean know that he wanted to go back to the reason they were doing a standoff in a dive in the middle of nowhere.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Not really,” Dean shrugged before reminding his brother, “I told you to let me go.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He smiled as he took in the pissy face Sam was wearing. He might look pissed, but experience taught Dean that Sam was nervous. The look made him want to offer him a drink, but he knew that the younger man wouldn’t accept it.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Dean, you don’t have to do this,” Sam pleaded, “Crowley sold you out but we know how to cure demons, you remember that right? We can cure you and then you can get your revenge on Crowley.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Did Sam think that because he was a demon that he was stupid now? He’d helped with that blood ritual so he knew that it could cure him, but he didn't want to be cured. He liked himself just as he was. There was no guilt about right or wrong, just live and Dean was okay with that. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“A little Latin, a lot of blood? Sure, it rings a bell. Did you ever stop to think that if I wanted to be cured, I wouldn't have bailed?”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Just before Sam marched through the door like an avenging angel, Dean wondered about how much humanity was left in him. His argument with Crowley bought the thought to the forefront. He had used the First Blade and cut his hand down to the bone, and it healed before he could put the blade down.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Funny that was the thing to convince him that he wasn’t human any longer. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Now he watched detached from any emotions as Sam struggled with what he’d just said. He and Sam were closer than most brothers. They were close in an I wanna fuck the taste out of your mouth kind of way, but neither would give in because neither wanted to lose their knot.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“It doesn't matter, alright? 'Cause whatever went down, whatever happened, we will fix it together, Dean.” Sam pleaded using the puppy dog eyes. God, how had Dean survived unprotected against those things?  &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Will we? Because right now, I'm doing all I can not to come over there and rip your throat out... with my teeth or if you prefer I can fuck you and make that a claim mark.” He heard Sam suck on a lungful of air at the mentioning of them fucking and a not so subtle scenting of the air told Dean that the thought of them bumping uglies aroused his brother. “I'm giving you a chance, Sam and I suggest you take it.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Of course, he wasn’t going to make this easy for either of them, and the look on his face became pissier, letting Dean know that Sam was digging in and preparing himself for a fight. Fighting, fucking either was okay as far as Dean was concerned, so he decided to taunt Sam.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Well, I'm not walking out that door with you, Sam I'm just not. So, what are you gonna do? Are you gonna kill me?” &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“No.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Dean toyed with him, “Why? You don't know what I've done. I might have it coming.” &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt;“Well, I don't care because you’re my brother, and I'm here to take you home.” &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Aaah!” Dean mocked, “You're my brother, and I'm here to take you home yeah, what is this, a Lifetime movie? Huh? With your puppy-dog eyes?” Dean laughed and continued, “Oh, thanks, Sammy. I needed that.” &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The laughter stopped when Sam pulled out a pair of handcuffs etched with sigils to keep Dean from escaping. Dean recognized them because they’d used them on Crowley when they attempted to make him human.  &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He knew that Sam would do everything to get his Dean back, but Dean no longer wanted that life; he was happy without rushing into the fray and risking his life for people who didn’t give a damn about him or his sacrifice.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Setting the empty glass aside, Dean asked with a smirk, “Do you really think those are going to work?”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;a name='cutid1-end'&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;a href="http://cillab42.livejournal.com/89508.html" target="_blank"&gt;Chapter 5&lt;/a&gt;</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:cillab42:88923</id>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="https://cillab42.livejournal.com/88923.html"/>
    <link rel="self" type="text/xml" href="https://cillab42.livejournal.com/data/atom/?itemid=88923"/>
    <title>Lien on my soul chapter 3</title>
    <published>2017-03-05T04:52:14Z</published>
    <updated>2017-03-06T07:53:48Z</updated>
    <category term="pairing:sam/dean"/>
    <category term="spn_reversebang2017"/>
    <content type="html">&lt;img src="https://ic.pics.livejournal.com/cillab42/34693216/37437/37437_original.jpg" alt="" title="" fetchpriority="high"&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Two days later, Sam was back in the bunker taking pain medication and chasing it with a fifth of Jack. He didn’t need to fall asleep while he was searching for Dean. Wincing when he moved, Sam glared at his right arm as through that would stop the pain.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Normally he would shift into his wolf to heal faster, but because the injury was to one of his limbs, it was difficult to maintain his balance so if he shifted to heal, then he would have to be prone and it would take away research time.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He wanted to shift just to run, but with his injured arm he couldn’t and that only served to make Sam more frustrated. Dean had to be found soon, or Sam was going to go crazy from the need to be near his brother and the need to shift and run.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Had he not been trying to find Dean, Sam would have shifted and stayed in his wolf form for three or four days to heal his broken arm, but he didn’t know if Dean was in trouble so he’d just have to work through the pain, on his own.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Castiel meant well, but he wasn’t Dean, so he put Dean’s angel on the back burner until he needed his help. Of course, without his angel mojo, Sam’s not sure what kind of help a literal broken angel could provide.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Besides, it was uncomfortable having the angel around. An Omega, a natural submissive who would do anything for Dean. At one time Sam thought that the angel was going to fall for Dean, but had he lost his angelic powers then he would have been no use to his brother.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Like now.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Right now, all Castiel was to Sam was a nuisance, the whining about how Sam’s injury wasn’t his fault and asking had he found a lead on Dean yet was wearing thin. Sam told himself that his irritation didn’t have anything to do with the jealousy he felt towards the angel.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;After the days turned in to weeks, Sam was ready to hurt someone or something, and he’d been taking out his anger on three lower level demons he’d managed to trap. He didn’t get an answer, but torturing them made Sam feel a little better.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;It had been three days since he last had a crappy lead on Dean, but it fell through, and now Sam was sitting in dive the owner tried to pass off as a bar to drown his sorrows. Perhaps it was fate, kismet or some other shit Sam used to believe in when he overheard the man sitting on the stool next to him.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He hadn’t been paying attention to the conversation; he just wanted the man to shut up so that he could wallow in his sorrows. He was about to tell the man that but then he heard, “I’d sell my soul to get even with that bitch.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Once he heard those words, Sam tossed back the last of his drink before ordering two more, one for him and one for his new friend, Lester Morris.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;It hadn’t been Sam’s intention to involve a civilian in his hunt for Dean, but once he heard Lester, the idea just popped into his head, use Lester to summon a demon to sell his soul. He’d get the idiot out of the way before he could seal the deal and Sam would have a Crossroads demon trapped.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He’d get the stupid man out of the area, and it would give him something to tell his friends around the water cooler. If those friends didn’t think he was deranged already, a story about selling his soul to the devil would do the trick.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Lester was easy to manipulate, free drinks on a stolen credit card and the man was as malleable as clay. Four drinks later, and different variations stories about how his wife was a cheating slut, Sam had Lester on the outskirts of town sitting in his car while Sam drew a devils trap.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt; After completing the trap, the hunter filled a tin with Yarrow that was growing nearby, the bones of a black cat and a vial of graveyard dirt. Because Dean had the Impala, Sam had a hell of a time trying to find those bones, but Castiel came through with a contact.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Before calling the demon, Sam made sure he had all he'd need once the demon was trapped. He had Ruby’s demon killing knife, handcuff and a cup to catch the blood. After his time addicted to demon blood, Sam felt nervous about this, but demons could use blood to contact one another so he’d have to get over his uneasiness.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Summoning Lester from the car, Sam had the man to add his driver's license to the tin before burying it in the middle of the Crossroads. Sam gave him a printout of the summoning spell, and he read it surprisingly well. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Once he was sure that Lester wasn’t going to fuck this up, Sam ran and hid behind a tree to wait to pounce on the demon when it arrived. But he fucked it up anyway. Sam hadn’t counted on the drunk man could move with such speed, and before he could stop the kiss which sealed the deal, Lester fucking Morris was kissing the Crossroads demon and signing away his soul.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Fuck it all to hell; Sam had been played by a douche civilian who’d sold his soul to stop his cheating wife from getting his money. Angry and frustrated, Sam bound the demon with handcuffs with devil’s traps engraved on them, because of course, she didn’t appear where he’d taken the time to draw one.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Because of her meat suit, Lester felt sorry for the demon and tried to stop Sam from binding her. It was hard enough wrestling a demon with one good arm, but add in a douche who’d turned into a white knight, Sam was done.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The handcuffs assured Sam that the demon wasn’t going anywhere, but with Lester fighting him, he could help free her and then Sam would be in trouble.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;With his good hand, Sam pulled his gun from his waistband and pointed it at Lester, “Leave now, or they’ll get your soul ahead of schedule.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Come on man,” Lester pleaded, “You don’t want to hurt her, she's a tiny thing.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“What do you care?” Sam huffed, “You just made a deal with her to kill your wife so don’t go all chick flick now. You have five seconds to leave.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Looking down the barrel of a gun and hearing Sam cock it apparently made the decision easy, because soon Lester was in his car and barreling back towards town. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“I never thought I’d get you alone,” Sam snarked when he turned back to the demon and pointed Ruby’s knife under her throat.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;"Wow, Sam don’t be such a tease,” She said in a voice dripping with sarcasm, “If there’s going to be blood involved we need to be on a first name basis. I’m Dar. I would shake your hand, but I’m a little tied up at the moment.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Don’t waste my time being cute, or I’ll send you back to hell on a one-way trip,” Sam threatened as he pressed the knife into the soft flesh of the demon's neck.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“I heard the rumors. I said 'no, that can't be. A Winchester, one of us?' But it's true, isn't it? Whatever soul you had; whatever boy scout code you cuddled up to at night; it's all gone. Leaving what? Look at you! It’s all kinds of sexy.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;She was toying with him, and Sam was already frustrated because he couldn't find his brother because of her boss Crowley, so he asked, “Where is Crowley?”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Eat me,” She sneered.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Having been in this position before, he hadn’t expected an answer, but for once it would have been nice. So he slid the knife down Dar’s body and stopped at her stomach. He could tell that she thought he was going to stop, but he smirked before plunging the knife into her body. Perhaps he shouldn’t, but he enjoyed the grunt of pain from her as he twisted the knife.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“One more time, where is Crowley?” Sam demanded as he twisted the blade and the sound of her moaning in pain satisfied something primal in him because now someone else was hurting as well. Twisting the knife again, Sam asked: “Where's my brother?”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“I don't know,” Dar screamed with each turn of the knife, all traces of humor gone.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Pulling the knife from her gut and sliced her throat, and collected the blood in the cup, Sam told her, “Then you're going to call somebody who does!”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“No one knows where he is” She tried, “and even if they do they won't answer!”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Make the call!” He demanded again holding his patience trying not kill the black-eyed bitch.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“We're under orders,” She pleaded him to understand, but Sam was not going to give in to fucking Mother Theresa, let alone a demon.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Make the call,” he demanded again once again plunging the knife in her gut.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Please,” she begged crying now.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Seeing a demon crying was not something Sam was used to, but he was not going to be taken in by her guile, he still needed to find Dean. Knowing she was going to make the call, Sam dropped the cup and screamed, “Where's my fucking mate!” &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Her only response was a broken sob, and Sam knew that she was not going to give him what he needed, he plunged the knife into her heart and killed her.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;After the clusterfuck with Lester, Sam knew that he was not in the right mindset to take on another case without getting himself or someone else killed.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He took a couple of days to himself and even though he couldn’t run he shifted because his wolf demanded to be freed. It wasn’t enough to heal his arm, but it made it feel a lot better. Once his mind was back on track, he began to search for leads to find Dean.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;A name popped out at him, Drew Nealy. The man had gone missing from a cult three years ago after killing his wife and children; now he was dead at a convenience store in Portage, Wisconsin. What happened there and why did the man show up all of a sudden.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He wasn't sure if he had anything to do with Dean but he needed another opinion, and Castiel was all he had right now. He called the angel and noted that he sounded tired.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“I think I might have found something Cas, but I’m not sure what it means or what it has to do with Dean.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Oh good, good,” Castiel said before he began coughing.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Sam wondered did he have a cold, but angels don’t get sick, right? “Cas? You there?”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Yeah,” the angel answered before breaking into another coughing fit and Sam wasn’t sure he this was a good idea. Sam had called to get Castiel’s opinion because he still might need him for back up, but right now he wasn’t so sure if the angel would be helpful or a liability.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He tried to explain his findings but had to stop several times because of Castiel’s coughing.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“This man has been missing for three years, I know it's a long shot but if this guy was possessed...”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“That would make him the first…” Castiel had begun before coughs racked his body again.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Sam was about to admit that it was the first lead they’d had, but coughing once again interrupted him. There was no way Castiel was in any shape to help him. He’d be more of a hindrance than he’d been on their last outing and look how that turned out.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“You know what? I think I jumped the gun here, let me do some more research before we make a move.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“No, Sam, you said it was something,” Castiel said, and when Sam didn’t answer, Castiel pleaded, “I can help. I know we tried before, but she was just a kid Sam.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“What happened, happened, and you need to be worrying about yourself. I really shouldn't have bothered you.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He needed to end this call because he didn’t want to get emotional with Dean’s angel, Dean’s omega, but he could feel himself softening towards the man. Despite what Sam felt towards him, Castiel cared for Dean almost as much as Sam did.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt; What the fuck was happening to him that he felt sorry for his competition for Dean? He tried to end the call when Castiel reminded him why he didn’t like the angel. “I miss him,” Castiel whispered, “so why would he just disappear?”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He didn’t need to hear the heart break in the angel’s voice reminding him of the relationship between Dean and Castiel. He had his brother in a way Sam never would, and he didn’t need to be knocked over the head with it.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Who said he had a choice?” Sam bit out, his anger returning.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Well then, who wrote the note?” Castiel reminded him, “If there's any chance- any chance at all that Dean is still...”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Still... even remotely Dean?” Sam finished.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He didn’t want to concentrate on what Dean might be, he just wanted him back and the rest he’d deal with later. Before giving Castiel a chance to respond, Sam ended the call and walked over to the bar to find something strong enough to get him through the night.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;a name='cutid1-end'&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;a href="http://cillab42.livejournal.com/89325." target="_blank"&gt;Chapter 4&lt;/a&gt;</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:cillab42:88588</id>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="https://cillab42.livejournal.com/88588.html"/>
    <link rel="self" type="text/xml" href="https://cillab42.livejournal.com/data/atom/?itemid=88588"/>
    <title>Lien on my soul  chapter 2</title>
    <published>2017-03-05T04:51:28Z</published>
    <updated>2017-03-06T07:32:06Z</updated>
    <category term="word count: 20000-25000"/>
    <category term="pairing: sam/dean"/>
    <category term="spn_reversebang2017"/>
    <content type="html">&lt;img src="https://ic.pics.livejournal.com/cillab42/34693216/37018/37018_original.jpg" alt="" title="" fetchpriority="high"&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;According to Castiel, he was six hours away from the bunker, and because he still didn’t have his grace, he would have to drive to meet Sam. This must have been how his surrogate father Bobby Singer must have felt when Castiel had lost his angel mojo. Castiel’s healing powers had been taken by God as punishment just before Bobby had been injured by a demon and left paralyzed.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;To pass the time while he waited, Sam researched what could bring Dean back to life, and he crossed referenced anything he found with the Mark of Cain, MOC. It was a mark given to the first murderer as a symbol of protection from God which Dean had so foolishly let Crowley convinced him to take. The bunker had the most extensive information on anything supernatural, but there was nothing about the MOC.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;By the time Castiel arrived Sam had nothing. There was very little information concerning the MoC, but he did conclude that Crowley was the key. If he found the bastard Sam knew that he could get all the information he needed and find Dean also.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The simple solution made his wolf give a small woof of pleasure.&lt;br /&gt;Like a child preparing for a school trip, Sam was ready when Castiel arrived thirty minutes earlier than expected. Dean’s body wasn’t the only thing to disappear, the black Impala their father gifted his oldest son when he was eighteen had as well.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Thank goodness the bunker had a garage and Sam chose the 1970 Mach 2, Mustang. It wasn't the Impala, but it would have to do, and a soon as Castiel arrived they began to pack the trunk with the boxes Sam had packed.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;img src="https://ic.pics.livejournal.com/cillab42/34693216/37301/37301_original.jpg" alt="" title="" loading="lazy"&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Because everything they needed for hunting was in the trunk of the Impala clothing was the only thing Sam normally worried about when they went to work on a case was the case itself. But about an hour ago it occurred to him that he would need to stock one of the cars in the garage or steal one along the way. Logic told him it didn’t make sense to waste time stealing a car because that was time he could be looking for Dean.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;As they walked towards the garage, they passed the room usually reserved for unwanted visitors; it was here they tortured demons and monsters. The room was still littered with the remnants of the items Sam used in his attempt to summon Crowley.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“You do realize that if you leave that…sigil, Crowley could arrive any minute?” Castiel reminded him.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Frustrated about having to hunt the demon down, Sam entered the room and kicked the copper bowl he’d used earlier and said, “then he can stay there until we get back, the devil’s trap will hold him.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Castiel stared at the huge alpha as though he's going to say something else, but he shifted the box he was carrying and continued his way to the car. It took several minutes for Sam to get the trunk of the car situated in a manner he liked. He tried to make it similar to the set up in Baby, but that was a difficult task.&lt;br /&gt;Sam finally had the trunk situated, he walked to the drivers seat and waited for Cas before driving off.&lt;br /&gt;“Where are we going?” Cas asked.&lt;br /&gt;“To find a demon,” Sam laughed. &lt;br /&gt;For the first time since Castiel arrived at the bunker, Sam looked at the angel and noticed that he was not faring so well and he felt a little guilty. Despite the fact that he didn't have his Grace and was being chased by angels who wanted to kill him, Castiel was willing to put his troubles on the back burner and help find Dean. Even Sam’s wolf appreciated the gesture.&lt;br /&gt;“I’ve done some research and found a case about an hour’s drive to the north,” Sam informed the angel. From the newspapers account of what’s happening in the small community there was a demon in Springwood, Nebraska and Sam was going to use it to find his brother.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Not only was there a demon in the small town but he was reckless. Sam wasn’t sure if his careless behavior was because he’d been operating undetected for so many years or if was because it was a demon and arrogant as hell. It didn’t matter either way to Sam because he was an answer to what happened to his brother.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;When he and Cas caught up with the demon, it was too late for the civilian, a forty-something man with a paunch and a predilection for young girls.  The demon has chosen an angelic looking fourteen-year-old girl with almost white blonde hair, the bluest eyes Sam had ever seen and plump red lips that probably drove the dead man crazy.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;She had been luring men in and killing them leaving no clues for those who didn’t know what to look for. Any decent hunter would have been clued in by the smell and traces of sulfur left behind, but it seemed that no hunter had realized that there was a case.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Even he and Dean had missed the signs. The only way he noticed it was because he’d been extra vigilant in his search for demons.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Because of the location, the demon dumped the bodies in three different states and as many counties and disallowing the authorities to detect a pattern.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;It was an accidental mention of sulfur in a newspaper article about the mysterious deaths of middle aged men that caught Sam’s attention that there was a case in Springwood. Because he needed to find a demon, he and Cas had rushed here before another hunter decided to work the case.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He and Cas tried to sneak up on the demon, but a creak in the floor gave them away. &lt;br /&gt;“Sammy Winchester, is that you playing Chris Hansen?” She asked in a voice as angelic as her looks. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;No longer needing to be stealthy, Sam and Cas walked into the kitchen where the demon was waiting for them. Sam gave the body a cursory glance to see if he could tell how the man had been killed, but other than that, the victim held no interest for the hunter.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Holding the demon killing knife he’d acquired from a demon named Ruby who’s almost succeeded in splitting him from his brother, Sam slowly faced the young girl-demon and tried to size up the situation. To call Crowley or another Demon who knew the King of Hell’s current location, he would have to fill a cup with blood and use a ritual to create a demonic telephone, and that meant killing her, but after her body count wouldn’t that be a bad thing.&lt;br /&gt;He wasn’t sure if the vessel was dead or alive. But with the charges she would face meant at lease life in prison and then there was dealing with the mind fuck of being possessed. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Electing himself judge and jury, Sam decided that the vessels death would be the best answer to all their problems, he charged the demon.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Just because the black-eyed bitch was wearing a child didn’t make her weaker; Sam discovered that as she tossed him across the room with a flick of her hand. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Once she was satisfied that Sam was out of the way she turned towards Castiel, sniffed and wrinkled her cute button nose and waived her finger at the angel, “Poor little Castiel you’re dying without your grace hmmm? That almost takes all of the fun out of killing you?”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;As the demon focused her attention on Cas, Sam quietly walked up behind her to plunge the knife into her back, when Castiel cried out, “No, Sam, she’s just a child!”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Turning her attention from the angel to the hunter, with another flick of her hand she sent Sam flying across the room and slammed him against part of the wall and the door frame. Although it hurt, the right shoulder was fine, but he was the left shoulder was not lucky.&lt;br /&gt;Despite the sound of his left shoulder hitting the wall, Jared heard something snap in his right one. The pain was so intense he dropped the knife and moaned in agony.	 &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The demon was coming for some hand to hand combat when Sam heard Castiel muttering the anti-possession spell and he took the blows that the little girl was raining down as a diversion. She didn’t catch on until Castiel was on the last line, but then it was too late.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Turning her attention from Sam to Cas, she was coughing and sputtering trying to stop Cas from saying the final two words.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“…te rogamus, audi nos,” Sam completed the spell and watched as the demon smoked out of the girls mouth and out the window. Only when he was sure she was demon free did Sam allow himself to give into the pain radiating from his shoulder.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Sliding his big body down the wall, Sam lolled his head against the wall and hoped that there wasn’t anything seriously wrong with his shoulder. The injury couldn’t have come at a worse time, because he needed to find Dean.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Of course, had Castiel not warned the demon, she’d be dead and Sam’s shoulder would be fine and he would have a demon to question about Dean’s location.  Surveying the bodies on the floor Sam took inventory, and mentally figure out how to clean up this mess when he saw the girl’s chest rise.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Fuck!” He swore.&lt;br /&gt;“She’s so young, Sam,” Castiel explained his decision, “It is our job to protect humans not make life and death decisions based on your needs.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Pursing his lips together, Sam picked up the knife and tried to stand up in a manner that would cause him the lease amount of pain. There were a lot of people dead when Cas decided to play God and used humans based on his needs at the time, but Sam wasn’t going to be petty and bring up the past.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Since it’s our job to protect them, we need to get her to a hospital unless you’ve got enough of your grace left to heal us both.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“No, Sam I don’t,” Castiel confirmed.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“You’re going to have to clean this up yourself, I can’t do anything,” Sam grimaced once he finally made it to his feet. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Once he was leaning on the wall, Sam looked around the room to determine how to handle the situation. God, he missed Dean, they fed off one another’s energy and would have come up with a solution and put the plan in motion without uttering a single word.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Okay,” Sam said when he’d come up with a solution, “let’s put her in the car, then I need you to grab one of the candles on the shelf and light it, turn the gas on and get the hell out but make sure you close the door behind you to seal the room or it won’t work. We’ll be out of the neighborhood before the candle ignites the flame.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Cas stared at Sam in that blank way that always unnerved the young Alpha. He wasn’t sure if Cas heard him, was processing the information or taking a dump in his pants because judging from his expression he could be doing any of those things. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Sam breathed a sigh of relief when Castiel picked up the girl from the floor.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Waiting in the car, Sam watched as the girl in the backseat writhed in pain and once again thought that she had a tough road ahead of her. He would have gladly saved her the heartache if he could have gotten the demon to talk.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;a name='cutid1-end'&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;a href="http://cillab42.livejournal.com/88923.html" target="_blank"&gt;Chapter 3&lt;/a&gt;</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:cillab42:88418</id>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="https://cillab42.livejournal.com/88418.html"/>
    <link rel="self" type="text/xml" href="https://cillab42.livejournal.com/data/atom/?itemid=88418"/>
    <title>Lien on my soul</title>
    <published>2017-03-05T04:50:24Z</published>
    <updated>2017-03-06T09:19:04Z</updated>
    <category term="pairing: sam/dean"/>
    <category term="word count: 20000 – 25000"/>
    <category term="spn_reversebang2017"/>
    <content type="html">&lt;strong&gt;Art Title: &lt;/strong&gt; Untitled&lt;br /&gt;&lt;strong&gt;Prompt Number: &lt;/strong&gt; S2034&lt;br /&gt;&lt;strong&gt;Artist:  &lt;span  class="ljuser  i-ljuser  i-ljuser-type-P     "  data-ljuser="darklittleheart" lj:user="darklittleheart" &gt;&lt;a href="https://darklittleheart.livejournal.com/profile/"  target="_self"  class="i-ljuser-profile" &gt;&lt;img  class="i-ljuser-userhead"  src="https://l-stat.livejournal.net/img/userinfo_v8.png?v=17080&amp;v=923.1" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;a href="https://darklittleheart.livejournal.com/" class="i-ljuser-username"   target="_self"   &gt;&lt;b&gt;darklittleheart&lt;/b&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/span&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;strong&gt;Fic Title: &lt;/strong&gt;&lt;a href="http://cillab42.livejournal.com/88418.html" target="_blank"&gt;Lien on my soul&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;strong&gt;Author:  &lt;span  class="ljuser  i-ljuser  i-ljuser-type-P     "  data-ljuser="cillab42" lj:user="cillab42" &gt;&lt;a href="https://cillab42.livejournal.com/profile/"  target="_self"  class="i-ljuser-profile" &gt;&lt;img  class="i-ljuser-userhead"  src="https://l-stat.livejournal.net/img/userinfo_v8.png?v=17080&amp;v=923.1" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;a href="https://cillab42.livejournal.com/" class="i-ljuser-username"   target="_self"   &gt;&lt;b&gt;cillab42&lt;/b&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/span&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;strong&gt;Fandom/Genre: &lt;/strong&gt; SPN&lt;br /&gt;&lt;strong&gt;Pairing(s): &lt;/strong&gt; Sam/Dean&lt;br /&gt;&lt;strong&gt;Rating: &lt;/strong&gt; NC17&lt;br /&gt;&lt;strong&gt;Word Count: &lt;/strong&gt; 24,881&lt;br /&gt;&lt;strong&gt;Warnings: &lt;/strong&gt;A/B/O, Non-con, incest, top!Dean, bottom!Sam, mpreg, pregnant!Sam, demon!Dean, MoC, spoilers for season 10.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;a name='cutid1-end'&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Sam and Dean belong to Kripke and gang, not me. No money was earned from this story.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;strong&gt;Summary: &lt;/strong&gt; Sam watched his dream of Dean becoming his Omega die at the hands of Metatron, or so he thought. The MoC allowed his brother to be returned, but it wasn’t Sam’s Dean who came back from the dead. In his brother’s body was a demon who took what he wanted and he wanted Sam…&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Author’s notes: It seems that I cannot write a short story, but this didn’t turn into a novel. I want to thank &lt;span  class="ljuser  i-ljuser  i-ljuser-type-     "  data-ljuser="darlittleheart" lj:user="darlittleheart" &gt;&lt;a href="#"  target="_self"  class="i-ljuser-profile" &gt;&lt;img  class="i-ljuser-userhead"  src="https://l-stat.livejournal.net/img/userinfo-disabled.gif?v=25801&amp;v=923.1" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;a href="#" class="i-ljuser-username"  style="color:#FF0000;"   target="_self"   &gt;&lt;b&gt;darlittleheart&lt;/b&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/span&gt; for the amazing art that inspired me and the additional pieces she created. Please go &lt;a href="http://darklittleheart.livejournal.com/1959." target="_blank"&gt;here&lt;/a&gt; and let her know how amazing her work is. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;I also want to thank the mod for running the &lt;span  class="ljuser  i-ljuser  i-ljuser-type-C     "  data-ljuser="spn_reversebang" lj:user="spn_reversebang" &gt;&lt;a href="https://spn-reversebang.livejournal.com/profile/"  target="_self"  class="i-ljuser-profile" &gt;&lt;img  class="i-ljuser-userhead"  src="https://l-stat.livejournal.net/img/community.png?v=556&amp;v=923.1" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;a href="https://spn-reversebang.livejournal.com/" class="i-ljuser-username"   target="_self"   &gt;&lt;b&gt;spn_reversebang&lt;/b&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/span&gt;, it’s amazing as always. While I’m giving thanks, I also want to thank &lt;span  class="ljuser  i-ljuser  i-ljuser-type-P     "  data-ljuser="masja_17" lj:user="masja_17" &gt;&lt;a href="https://masja-17.livejournal.com/profile/"  target="_self"  class="i-ljuser-profile" &gt;&lt;img  class="i-ljuser-userhead"  src="https://l-stat.livejournal.net/img/userinfo_v8.png?v=17080&amp;v=923.1" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;a href="https://masja-17.livejournal.com/" class="i-ljuser-username"   target="_self"   &gt;&lt;b&gt;masja_17&lt;/b&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/span&gt; for taking time to beta (any mistakes found are my own) this for me. As always, I am grateful. I would also like to thank &lt;span  class="ljuser  i-ljuser  i-ljuser-type-P     "  data-ljuser="meus_venator" lj:user="meus_venator" &gt;&lt;a href="https://meus-venator.livejournal.com/profile/"  target="_self"  class="i-ljuser-profile" &gt;&lt;img  class="i-ljuser-userhead"  src="https://l-stat.livejournal.net/img/userinfo_v8.png?v=17080&amp;v=923.1" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;a href="https://meus-venator.livejournal.com/" class="i-ljuser-username"   target="_self"   &gt;&lt;b&gt;meus_venator&lt;/b&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/span&gt; for helping me work out a problem.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;  &lt;b&gt;&lt;a href="http://darklittleheart.livejournal.com/1959.html" target="_blank"&gt;Art&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/b&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;a href="http://cillab42.livejournal.com/88418.html" target="_blank"&gt;Fic&lt;/a&gt; &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/10137146/chapters/22531745#collection-form" target="_blank" rel="nofollow"&gt;AO3&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;img src="https://ic.pics.livejournal.com/cillab42/34693216/36190/36190_original.jpg" alt="" title="" fetchpriority="high"&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;img src="https://ic.pics.livejournal.com/cillab42/34693216/36737/36737_original.jpg" alt="" title="" loading="lazy"&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;When he closed his eyes, Sam saw it repeatedly, the moment Metatron, the former scribe of God drove the angel blade into Deans body causing, his blood, his life, his soul to leave his body. There had been a vicious fight between the two and Metaron’s body bore the marks from the altercation.  Even though Sam had missed the fight, he’d arrived in time for the fatal outcome. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;It was the time alone that got to him and made his brother’s death more painful. In quiet moments like this, Sam could still smell the blood, feel the broken bones and Dean’s hot breath as he whispered his last words, “I’m proud of us.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Yeah, Sam was proud too, but he’d rather live in shame with Dean than alone without him. &lt;br /&gt;As that body went limp in his arms, Sam suddenly understood everything about Dean when it was too late. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Sam understood why Dean was, had been so protective. He now understood why Dean would sacrifice everything to keep Sam with him because this fucking hurt and there hadn’t been a medicine invented that would make the pain go away.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;After Dean had become dead weight in his arms, Sam had been so intent on getting his brother back to the bunker that he couldn’t concentrate on the fact that Dean was dead. His goal had been to get his brother home, somewhere safe that he could look after him and protect Dean and he had protected Sam his entire life.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;But he couldn’t. Dean Winchester was gone.  Sam was not speaking in euphemisms; Dean was gone. Dead. All because Metatron decided that it was his turn to be God and had killed his brother. Yeah, that was a real Godlike move; Peace and love and all that shit.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;For hours he had ambled around the bunker trying to come to grips with what his heart and soul knew, but his mind was having trouble comprehending. His brother was gone, and now Sam’s wolf was mourning as though he had lost a mate.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Finally getting the courage to look at Dean’s lifeless body, Sam was in for another surprise when he opened the door to Dean’s room-Dean was gone. Although he still wasn’t speaking in euphemism’s Dean was gone, disappeared. Dead bodies didn’t do that without help.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Now the body Sam had so carefully cleaned to prepare for a hunter's goodbye was gone, and Sam had no idea how this happened.  When he cleaned Deans body it was for the pyre, but he decided to shift and go for a run to clear his head, and he decided to bury him.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;It wasn’t as though this was the first time Dean had died. Hell, Sam had died a couple of times himself, but this time he couldn’t count on Dean’s angel Castiel to pull him from heaven or hell, but in case there was someone still looking out for them, Dean would need his body.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Besides, a work of art that beautiful shouldn’t be destroyed.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;That Dean was beautiful was not up for debate, people fell over his brother wherever they went, but it was that beauty that often got him into trouble. He was so pretty that people often mistook him for an Omega, but it didn’t take Dean long to correct that misconception. With his fists, if he had too.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Those looks had confused Sam when he was younger. Couple that with the way Dean cared for him, mothered him, he’d been sure that his older brother was an Omega. So sure that on his sixteenth birthday when he popped his knot, Sam was corrected when Dean’s fist broke his nose after Sam tried to kiss him.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;After hours of searching , an answer came to him while he was running, Crowley. The King of Hell had been to one to put Dean in danger and convinced him to take the Mark of Cain then the least he could do was clean up his fucking mess and give him his brother back.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The spell to call Crowley was a simple one, he and Dean had used it many times before, but for some reason the motherfucker ignored him. He spent over an hour checking the ingredients checking the incantation, but Crowley didn’t show and Dean was still dead.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;That’s what he’d thought as he sat in their war room getting shit faced, but when he garnered the courage to walk into Dean’s room, Sam was surprised. Instead of his brother's lifeless body, all he found was a note that read ‘Sam let me go’. As though he was going to let Dean go without a fight, the Alpha in him wouldn’t let Dean go that easily.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Despite what he thought, Dean didn’t have the monopoly on caring for his sibling.&lt;br /&gt;Let me Go.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Did Dean think that Sam thought so little of him that a hastily written note was going to absolve him of their bond? Even if they weren’t mates, they still had a familial bond that Sam wasn’t going to let him go that easily. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;As Sam plotted, he wondered how Dean had come back to life and what did this mean? Did Castiel bring him back to life after all? It had been bad enough that he’d had to bring his brother Dean’s broken, lifeless body to the bunker and placed it on the bed in the room he’d chosen as his own.  He has laid on that bed with Deans body as it grew cold; crying for the loss of his brother and the dream he’d finally have to let die with Dean’s last words of ‘I’m proud of us’ still ringing in Sam’s ears. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;It hurt that Dean had been given another chance at life and he didn’t want to share the news with Sam. He’d always thought that Dean would share everything he had with Sam, but when they moved into the bunker, Dean had dispelled that thought.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;When they first moved in Sam had silently prayed that Dean would have chosen to share one with him. It would have made sense because they’d shared a hotel room and Dean’s 1967 Impala all their lives, but he hadn’t given it a second thought.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Sam should have known better because both he and Dean were Alphas. And Dean? He was an alpha’s alpha and needed to have a territory to call his, even if it was just a bedroom.&lt;br /&gt;The biggest mitigating factor was had Dean given into Sam, he’d have lost his Alpha status, and he couldn’t see his brother turning into an Omega no matter how much he loved Sam. It was no secret that Dean would give his life for Sam, and in fact had, but he wouldn’t change into an Omega despite how much Sam desired the change.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He’d dreamed about it, Dean swallowing his pride and allowing himself to become his Omega; often he’d pictured his brother’s body heavy and rounded with his pups allowing Sam to spoil him as no one had ever done before. That was just wishful thinking because that was never going to happen and he’d given up on that dream a long time ago. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;When Dean was alive, it was easy to dream of the possibility of that happening; of Dean coming in his bedroom late at night no longer able to bear not belonging to Sam, wanting to wear his mark. It hadn’t happened, and now it never would. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Sam waited.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He waited for days for Dean to return to the bunker and explain how he had come back to life and how he thought that the stupid little note was enough to pacify Sam. It was as though Dean somehow didn’t know his younger brother or didn’t care. With the death thing, Sam chose to believe that his brother's memory had somehow been affected.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;That was okay, though, they’d figure it out and find a way to fix it or live with it, but either way, Dean was coming home.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;After he’d made up his mind to find Dean, Sam’s wolf was restless. With Dean missing it was as though a part of his wolf was missing; as though his mate was missing. Sam tried to calm his wolf and tell him that Dean was not their mate, but the animal howled in denial before demanding he finds Dean. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Stumbling to the kitchen, Sam put on a pot of coffee strong enough to help him get sober and began to make calls. His first was to Castiel on the off chance that Dean had contacted the angel. The thought of that stung because he’d often wondered about the relationship between Dean and his angel.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;There had been a time when he and Dean had decided, well Dean decided to separate and Dean had spent that time with Castiel and the two had grown closer. Over the years his human side knew that they were just friends, but his wolf became jealous and possessive when Castiel was around.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;It was an easy conclusion to jump to because all the worker bee angels like Castiel were omegas because alphas weren’t submissive enough to blindly follow orders from God without butting heads.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Hey, Cas,” Sam greeted when Castiel answered. Sam cringed when he referred to the angel as Cas. A nick name was personal, and Sam didn’t feel he knew the angel well enough to call him Cas. Even in his mind he referred to him as Castiel.  “Dean, have you heard from him?”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Sam,” Cas sighed. “Are you drunk or do you not remember that your brother was murdered by Metatron? The angel asked in the manner one would speak to a small child.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;His wolf snarled at Cas’ implication that he didn’t remember that Dean had died, and his human side was ready to rip the angel a new on when he calmed himself down and remembered that Cas had no way of knowing that Dean had awakened and left.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Dean is gone, Cas,” Sam told the angel as he struggled to keep his temper in check. The one thing keeping him calm was the knowledge that Dean hadn’t contacted Cas and the angel had been blindsided as well. “I went to his room, and he was gone. However, he was kind enough to leave a note telling me not to look for him.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;“Where do we start looking for him?” Castiel asked.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He wasn’t sure how the Omega felt about Dean, but he would use those feelings to find his brother, “not sure yet but by the time you get here I should have some idea.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;a href="http://cillab42.livejournal.com/88588.html" target="_blank"&gt;Chapter 2&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:cillab42:88003</id>
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    <link rel="self" type="text/xml" href="https://cillab42.livejournal.com/data/atom/?itemid=88003"/>
    <title>Life</title>
    <published>2017-02-25T05:08:22Z</published>
    <updated>2017-02-25T05:08:22Z</updated>
    <category term="life"/>
    <content type="html">Three years ago my mother dies, today the doctor's told us that my sisters heart was only working @ 5-10 percent capacity. I just can't...</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:cillab42:87730</id>
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    <link rel="self" type="text/xml" href="https://cillab42.livejournal.com/data/atom/?itemid=87730"/>
    <title>FML non-fic</title>
    <published>2017-02-17T17:36:21Z</published>
    <updated>2017-02-17T17:36:21Z</updated>
    <category term="insurance woes"/>
    <content type="html">I am so frustrated right now. I am in danger of losing my job because of illness. I have been on disability leave since 5/25 per my doctor and the insurance company has fought this tooth and nail. I've followed their instructions and have been without pay for the past 6 weeks.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;I even tried to go back to work in November, but was sent home because it was oblivious how much pain I was in. Two weeks ago I was sent a demand letter to come back to work, my claim was denied but I was allowed to appeal. My doctor sent in the correct forms yesterday, today I was informed via voice mail the appeal was denied.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;I have barely left my house since May and am in so much pain, and my condition is supported by my doctor. Do I have to die before the insurance company understands.</content>
  </entry>
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