my paradox ate the crocodile

no pants

2012-07-11T02:47:15Z

2012 NYR Update

2012-03-04T06:20:15Z

Read a book a month

Go snowboarding

Write a novel

See the milky way

Learn a language

Definition in body

University
I've zoned in on London. No commute, except to take exams. I can't afford to go to St John's. The gas prices, the living expenses, the bills I'd have to pay off, I'm not sure I'd have a job to come back to either, plus both campuses are nowhere NEAR where my home is. It would be murder right now. However, they do have a graduate program, so that's a plus. I shall keep my hopes up.

Writer's Block: Star Trek

2012-02-24T04:29:00Z

Really? Only the solar system.

No imagination. *tsk tsk tsk* :P

Writer's Block: Tears of Joy

2012-02-20T04:03:43Z

The day my dad took me out of school. It was raining and we were driving away from the school building when it fully registered that I would never, ever, have to go back.

Best. Day. Ever.

Thank you dad.

Writer's Block: The Meaning of Life

2012-02-10T15:43:45Z

*facepalm* Dammit.

The Odd Couple

2011-12-28T04:22:56Z

What is Enlightenment? (1784)

2011-12-28T04:07:22Z

IMMANUEL KANT
An Answer to the Question:

Enlightenment is man's emergence from his self-imposed immaturity. Immaturity is the inability to use one's understanding without guidance from another. This immaturity is self-imposed when its cause lies not in lack of understanding, but in lack of resolve and courage to use it without guidance from another. Sapere Aude! [dare to know] "Have courage to use your own understanding!"--that is the motto of enlightenment.

Laziness and cowardice are the reasons why so great a proportion of men, long after nature has released them from alien guidance (natura-liter maiorennes), nonetheless gladly remain in lifelong immaturity, and why it is so easy for others to establish themselves as their guardians. It is so easy to be immature. If I have a book to serve as my understanding, a pastor to serve as my conscience, a physician to determine my diet for me, and so on, I need not exert myself at all. I need not think, if only I can pay: others will readily undertake the irksome work for me. The guardians who have so benevolently taken over the supervision of men have carefully seen to it that the far greatest part of them (including the entire fair sex) regard taking the step to maturity as very dangerous, not to mention difficult. Having first made their domestic livestock dumb, and having carefully made sure that these docile creatures will not take a single step without the go-cart to which they are harnessed, these guardians then show them the danger that threatens them, should they attempt to walk alone. Now this danger is not actually so great, for after falling a few times they would in the end certainly learn to walk; but an example of this kind makes men timid and usually frightens them out of all further attempts.

Thus, it is difficult for any individual man to work himself out of the immaturity that has all but become his nature. He has even become fond of this state and for the time being is actually incapable of using his own understanding, for no one has ever allowed him to attempt it. Rules and formulas, those mechanical aids to the rational use, or rather misuse, of his natural gifts, are the shackles of a permanent immaturity. Whoever threw them off would still make only an uncertain leap over the smallest ditch, since he is unaccustomed to this kind of free movement. Consequently, only a few have succeeded, by cultivating their own minds, in freeing themselves from immaturity and pursuing a secure course.

But that the public should enlighten itself is more likely; indeed, if it is only allowed freedom, enlightenment is almost inevitable. For even among the entrenched guardians of the great masses a few will always think for themselves, a few who, after having themselves thrown off the yoke of immaturity, will spread the spirit of a rational appreciation for both their own worth and for each person's calling to think for himself. But it should be particularly noted that if a public that was first placed in this yoke by the guardians is suitably aroused by some of those who are altogether incapable of enlightenment, it may force the guardians themselves to remain under the yoke--so pernicious is it to instill prejudices, for they finally take revenge upon their originators, or on their descendants. Thus a public can only attain enlightenment slowly. Perhaps a revolution can overthrow autocratic despotism and profiteering or power-grabbing oppression, but it can never truly reform a manner of thinking; instead, new prejudices, just like the old ones they replace, will serve as a leash for the great unthinking mass.

Nothing is required for this enlightenment, however, except freedom; and the freedom in question is the least harmful of all, namely, the freedom to use reason publicly in all matters. But on all sides I hear: "Do not argue!" The officer says, "Do not argue, drill!" The tax man says, "Do not argue, pay!" The pastor says, "Do not argue, believe!" (Only one ruler in the World says, "Argue as much as you want and about what you want, but obey!") In this we have examples of pervasive restrictions on freedom. But which restriction hinders enlightenment and which does not, but instead actually advances it? I reply: The public use of one's reason must always be free, and it alone can bring about enlightenment among mankind; the private use of reason may, however, often be very narrowly restricted, without otherwise hindering the progress of enlightenment. By the public use of one's own reason I understand the use that anyone as a scholar makes of reason before the entire literate world. I call the private use of reason that which a person may make in a civic post or office that has been entrusted to him. Now in many affairs conducted in the interests of a community, a certain mechanism is required by means of which some of its members must conduct themselves in an entirely passive manner so that through an artificial unanimity the government may guide them toward public ends, or at least prevent them from destroying such ends. Here one certainly must not argue, instead one must obey. However, insofar as this part of the machine also regards himself as a member of the community as a whole, or even of the world community, and as a consequence addresses the public in the role of a scholar, in the proper sense of that term, he can most certainly argue, without thereby harming the affairs for which as a passive member he is partly responsible. Thus it would be disastrous if an officer on duty who was given a command by his superior were to question the appropriateness or utility of the order. He must obey. But as a scholar he cannot be justly constrained from making comments about errors in military service, or from placing them before the public for its judgment. The citizen cannot refuse to pay the taxes imposed on him; indeed, impertinent criticism of such levies, when they should be paid by him, can be punished as a scandal (since it can lead to widespread insubordination). But the same person does not act contrary to civic duty when, as a scholar, he publicly expresses his thoughts regarding the impropriety or even injustice of such taxes. Likewise a pastor is bound to instruct his catecumens and congregation in accordance with the symbol of the church he serves, for he was appointed on that condition. But as a scholar he has complete freedom, indeed even the calling, to impart to the public all of his carefully considered and well-intentioned thoughts concerning mistaken aspects of that symbol, as well as his suggestions for the better arrangement of religious and church matters. Nothing in this can weigh on his conscience. What he teaches in consequence of his office as a servant of the church he sets out as something with regard to which he has no discretion to teach in accord with his own lights; rather, he offers it under the direction and in the name of another. He will say, "Our church teaches this or that and these are the demonstrations it uses." He thereby extracts for his congregation all practical uses from precepts to which he would not himself subscribe with complete conviction, but whose presentation he can nonetheless undertake, since it is not entirely impossible that truth lies hidden in them, and, in any case, nothing contrary to the very nature of religion is to be found in them. If he believed he could find anything of the latter sort in them, he could not in good conscience serve in his position; he would have to resign. Thus an appointed teacher's use of his reason for the sake of his congregation is merely private, because, however large the congregation is, this use is always only domestic; in this regard, as a priest, he is not free and cannot be such because he is acting under instructions from someone else. By contrast, the cleric--as a scholar who speaks through his writings to the public as such, i.e., the world--enjoys in this public use of reason an unrestricted freedom to use his own rational capacities and to speak his own mind. For that the (spiritual) guardians of a people should themselves be immature is an absurdity that would insure the perpetuation of absurdities.

But would a society of pastors, perhaps a church assembly or venerable presbytery (as those among the Dutch call themselves), not be justified in binding itself by oath to a certain unalterable symbol in order to secure a constant guardianship over each of its members and through them over the people, and this for all time: I say that this is wholly impossible. Such a contract, whose intention is to preclude forever all further enlightenment of the human race, is absolutely null and void, even if it should be ratified by the supreme power, by parliaments, and by the most solemn peace treaties. One age cannot bind itself, and thus conspire, to place a succeeding one in a condition whereby it would be impossible for the later age to expand its knowledge (particularly where it is so very important), to rid itself of errors,and generally to increase its enlightenment. That would be a crime against human nature, whose essential destiny lies precisely in such progress; subsequent generations are thus completely justified in dismissing such agreements as unauthorized and criminal. The criterion of everything that can be agreed upon as a law by a people lies in this question: Can a people impose such a law on itself? Now it might be possible, in anticipation of a better state of affairs, to introduce a provisional order for a specific, short time, all the while giving all citizens, especially clergy, in their role as scholars, the freedom to comment publicly, i.e., in writing, on the present institution's shortcomings. The provisional order might last until insight into the nature of these matters had become so widespread and obvious that the combined (if not unanimous) voices of the populace could propose to the crown that it take under its protection those congregations that, in accord with their newly gained insight, had organized themselves under altered religious institutions, but without interfering with those wishing to allow matters to remain as before. However, it is absolutely forbidden that they unite into a religious organization that nobody may for the duration of a man's lifetime publicly question, for so do-ing would deny, render fruitless, and make detrimental to succeeding generations an era in man's progress toward improvement. A man may put off enlightenment with regard to what he ought to know, though only for a short time and for his own person; but to renounce it for himself, or, even more, for subsequent generations, is to violate and trample man's divine rights underfoot. And what a people may not decree for itself may still less be imposed on it by a monarch, for his lawgiving authority rests on his unification of the people's collective will in his own. If he only sees to it that all genuine or purported improvement is consonant with civil order, he can allow his subjects to do what they find necessary to their spiritual well-being, which is not his affair. However, he must prevent anyone from forcibly interfering with another's working as best he can to determine and promote his well-being. It detracts from his own majesty when he interferes in these matters, since the writings in which his subjects attempt to clarify their insights lend value to his conception of governance. This holds whether he acts from his own highest insight--whereby he calls upon himself the reproach, "Caesar non eat supra grammaticos."'--as well as, indeed even more, when he despoils his highest authority by supporting the spiritual despotism of some tyrants in his state over his other subjects.

If it is now asked, "Do we presently live in an enlightened age?" the answer is, "No, but we do live in an age of enlightenment." As matters now stand, a great deal is still lacking in order for men as a whole to be, or even to put themselves into a position to be able without external guidance to apply understanding confidently to religious issues. But we do have clear indications that the way is now being opened for men to proceed freely in this direction and that the obstacles to general enlightenment--to their release from their self-imposed immaturity--are gradually diminishing. In this regard, this age is the age of enlightenment, the century of Frederick.

A prince who does not find it beneath him to say that he takes it to be his duty to prescribe nothing, but rather to allow men complete freedom in religious matters--who thereby renounces the arrogant title of tolerance--is himself enlightened and deserves to be praised by a grateful present and by posterity as the first, at least where the government is concerned, to release the human race from immaturity and to leave everyone free to use his own reason in all matters of conscience. Under his rule, venerable pastors, in their role as scholars and without prejudice to their official duties, may freely and openly set out for the world's scrutiny their judgments and views, even where these occasionally differ from the accepted symbol. Still greater freedom is afforded to those who are not restricted by an official post. This spirit of freedom is expanding even where it must struggle against the external obstacles of governments that misunderstand their own function. Such governments are illuminated by the example that the existence of freedom need not give cause for the least concern regarding public order and harmony in the commonwealth. If only they refrain from inventing artifices to keep themselves in it, men will gradually raise themselves from barbarism.

I have focused on religious matters in setting out my main point concerning enlightenment, i.e., man's emergence from self-imposed immaturity, first because our rulers have no interest in assuming the role of their subjects' guardians with respect to the arts and sciences, and secondly because that form of immaturity is both the most pernicious and disgraceful of all. But the manner of thinking of a head of state who favors religious enlightenment goes even further, for he realizes that there is no danger to his legislation in allowing his subjects to use reason publicly and to set before the world their thoughts concerning better formulations of his laws, even if this involves frank criticism of legislation currently in effect. We have before us a shining example, with respect to which no monarch surpasses the one whom we honor.

But only a ruler who is himself enlightened and has no dread of shadows, yet who likewise has a well-disciplined, numerous army to guarantee public peace, can say what no republic may dare, namely: "Argue as much as you want and about what you want, but obey!" Here as elsewhere, when things are considered in broad perspective, a strange, unexpected pattern in human affairs reveals itself, one in which almost everything is paradoxical. A greater degree of civil freedom seems advantageous to a people's spiritual freedom; yet the former established impassable boundaries for the latter; conversely, a lesser degree of civil freedom provides enough room for all fully to expand their abilities. Thus, once nature has removed the hard shell from this kernel for which she has most fondly cared, namely, the inclination to and vocation for free thinking, the kernel gradually reacts on a people's mentality (whereby they become increasingly able to act freely), and it finally even influences the principles of government, which finds that it can profit by treating men, who are now more than machines, in accord with their dignity.

I. Kant
Konigsberg in Prussia, 30 September 1784

2012 NYR

2011-12-24T16:12:51Z

Good God, here I go again. I failed on this years' NYR. Every single bit. Part of it was from all the stress of the year from my dad being in the hospital and then my grandma unexpectedly diagnosed with cancer and dying. Rough year. I've had a few nightmares about burying my sister, and I think I had one where I buried my nephew.

Normally I'm terrible at identifying when I'm under stress. I don't know why, it just doesn't click in my mind though. I don't FEEL any different, but apparently my subconscious and body know.

Another reason as to why I failed this year's NYR list is simple: I put things that I should be doing anyway instead of focusing on what I would LIKE to do. Putting things on the list that you NEED to do or SHOULD be doing anyway is counterproductive of the NYR. Sounds like an oxymoron. NYR is, after all, about initiating positive and productive change in yourself. At least that's what I've come to understand it as. However, if you only focus on what you should and need to do, then you don't want to do it. You put it off and don't think on it long enough to even dream about doing it. I think that's why most people fail. That's why, for the 2012 list, I'm going to put things on there that I would LIKE to do. If I do the things I like, it will make me feel better about myself, because I put it on a goal list to do and I'm accomplishing it. And if I feel better about myself, I'll be more inclined to do the things that I need and should do. Therefore, I'll be initiating the process of improving myself.

Get it?

And on to the list:

Read a book a month
By Golly I'm going to read a damn book! I'm going to start with the unabridged version of 'Les Miserables' by Victor Hugo. I've read most of the condensed version and I absolutely love it. Wish me luck, because it has over a thousand pages.

Go snowboarding
My mother, nephew and sister went tubing earlier this year, and the place we went to had hills for snowboarding. It looks awesome! My bum will probably be black and blue before the days out.

Write a novel
Not NANOWRIMO, I just want to write a novel. I always want to do NANOWRIMO and I get excited about it, but come November and it's like someone flipped a switch. I just want to get back to writing again and it's ridiculous to wait for a particular time of year to do it. Amiright?

See the milky way
Not just in pictures, but actually look up and see it. Know what I mean? How mind boggling would that be.

Learn a language
This is almost as infamous as my book a month plan. Only, I think I stick to this more faithfully than the books. Sad. Anyhoo, I'm looking at Sign Language and German, maybe learn a few Japanese kanji. We'll see.

Definition in body
Notice how I changed the 'gain weight' to this. I specified it. Yes, I need to gain weight. Yes, I need to take better care of myself. But in no way can I get definition in my body by gaining weight and taking better care of myself, and it isn't necessary. I got this idea from the bookstore. I saw the cover of a physics book with this woman runner who had lost a leg. She was running on the beach with one of those spring-like legs, and her body was, pardon me, gorgeous! Not only did she look great and healthy, but strong as well.

University
It's not something that is needed or that I should do. Heck, I'm not sure if I should. I can't afford to lose my job, and who knows if I'll still have it when I come back on breaks. They have the online universities. I'm looking at the London external programme, but I'm still a little sketchy about it. Of course, it's really either London or St. John's. Those are the only universities that I think I could stand to attend. Though I wouldn't mind physically going to a UK institution, I most definitely couldn't afford it. Even St. John's might be out of my reach. Hmm, food for thought.

And these last two I'm not too sure about:
Roller Derby: I think I'd like to still tryout, but I'm not too sure.
Tattoo: I'm almost decided on it. It would be simple and small, but visible. I'm thinking the Star of David on my neck. But who knows.

The Rime of the Ancient Mariner (1798)

2011-12-23T06:18:52Z

It is an ancient Mariner,
And he stoppeth one of three.
"By thy long grey beard and glittering eye,
Now wherefore stopp'st thou me?

"The Bridegroom's doors are opened wide,
And I am next of kin;
The guests are met, the feast is set:
May'st hear the merry din."

He holds him with his skinny hand,
"There was a ship," quoth he.
"Hold off! unhand me, grey-beard loon!"
Eftsoons his hand dropt he.

He holds him with his glittering eye—
The Wedding-Guest stood still,
And listens like a three years child:
The Mariner hath his will.

The Wedding-Guest sat on a stone:
He cannot chuse but hear;
And thus spake on that ancient man,
The bright-eyed Mariner.

The ship was cheered, the harbour cleared,
Merrily did we drop
Below the kirk, below the hill,
Below the light-house top.

The Sun came up upon the left,
Out of the sea came he!
And he shone bright, and on the right
Went down into the sea.

Higher and higher every day,
Till over the mast at noon—
The Wedding-Guest here beat his breast,
For he heard the loud bassoon.

The bride hath paced into the hall,
Red as a rose is she;
Nodding their heads before her goes
The merry minstrelsy.

The Wedding-Guest he beat his breast,
Yet he cannot chuse but hear;
And thus spake on that ancient man,
The bright-eyed Mariner.

And now the STORM-BLAST came, and he
Was tyrannous and strong:
He struck with his o'ertaking wings,
And chased south along.

With sloping masts and dipping prow,
As who pursued with yell and blow
Still treads the shadow of his foe
And forward bends his head,
The ship drove fast, loud roared the blast,
And southward aye we fled.

And now there came both mist and snow,
And it grew wondrous cold:
And ice, mast-high, came floating by,
As green as emerald.

And through the drifts the snowy clifts
Did send a dismal sheen:
Nor shapes of men nor beasts we ken—
The ice was all between.

The ice was here, the ice was there,
The ice was all around:
It cracked and growled, and roared and howled,
Like noises in a swound!

At length did cross an Albatross:
Thorough the fog it came;
As if it had been a Christian soul,
We hailed it in God's name.

It ate the food it ne'er had eat,
And round and round it flew.
The ice did split with a thunder-fit;
The helmsman steered us through!

And a good south wind sprung up behind;
The Albatross did follow,
And every day, for food or play,
Came to the mariners' hollo!

In mist or cloud, on mast or shroud,
It perched for vespers nine;
Whiles all the night, through fog-smoke white,
Glimmered the white Moon-shine.

"God save thee, ancient Mariner!
From the fiends, that plague thee thus!—
Why look'st thou so?"—With my cross-bow
I shot the ALBATROSS.

The Sun now rose upon the right:
Out of the sea came he,
Still hid in mist, and on the left
Went down into the sea.

And the good south wind still blew behind
But no sweet bird did follow,
Nor any day for food or play
Came to the mariners' hollo!

And I had done an hellish thing,
And it would work 'em woe:
For all averred, I had killed the bird
That made the breeze to blow.
Ah wretch! said they, the bird to slay
That made the breeze to blow!

Nor dim nor red, like God's own head,
The glorious Sun uprist:
Then all averred, I had killed the bird
That brought the fog and mist.
'Twas right, said they, such birds to slay,
That bring the fog and mist.

The fair breeze blew, the white foam flew,
The furrow followed free:
We were the first that ever burst
Into that silent sea.

Down dropt the breeze, the sails dropt down,
'Twas sad as sad could be;
And we did speak only to break
The silence of the sea!

All in a hot and copper sky,
The bloody Sun, at noon,
Right up above the mast did stand,
No bigger than the Moon.

Day after day, day after day,
We stuck, nor breath nor motion;
As idle as a painted ship
Upon a painted ocean.

Water, water, every where,
And all the boards did shrink;
Water, water, every where,
Nor any drop to drink.

The very deep did rot: O Christ!
That ever this should be!
Yea, slimy things did crawl with legs
Upon the slimy sea.

About, about, in reel and rout
The death-fires danced at night;
The water, like a witch's oils,
Burnt green, and blue and white.

And some in dreams assured were
Of the spirit that plagued us so:
Nine fathom deep he had followed us
From the land of mist and snow.

And every tongue, through utter drought,
Was withered at the root;
We could not speak, no more than if
We had been choked with soot.

Ah! well a-day! what evil looks
Had I from old and young!
Instead of the cross, the Albatross
About my neck was hung.

There passed a weary time. Each throat
Was parched, and glazed each eye.
A weary time! a weary time!
How glazed each weary eye,
When looking westward, I beheld
A something in the sky.

At first it seemed a little speck,
And then it seemed a mist:
It moved and moved, and took at last
A certain shape, I wist.

A speck, a mist, a shape, I wist!
And still it neared and neared:
As if it dodged a water-sprite,
It plunged and tacked and veered.

With throats unslaked, with black lips baked,
We could not laugh nor wail;
Through utter drought all dumb we stood!
I bit my arm, I sucked the blood,
And cried, A sail! a sail!

With throats unslaked, with black lips baked,
Agape they heard me call:
Gramercy! they for joy did grin,
And all at once their breath drew in,
As they were drinking all.

See! see! (I cried) she tacks no more!
Hither to work us weal;
Without a breeze, without a tide,
She steadies with upright keel!

The western wave was all a-flame
The day was well nigh done!
Almost upon the western wave
Rested the broad bright Sun;
When that strange shape drove suddenly
Betwixt us and the Sun.

And straight the Sun was flecked with bars,
(Heaven's Mother send us grace!)
As if through a dungeon-grate he peered,
With broad and burning face.

Alas! (thought I, and my heart beat loud)
How fast she nears and nears!
Are those her sails that glance in the Sun,
Like restless gossameres!

Are those her ribs through which the Sun
Did peer, as through a grate?
And is that Woman all her crew?
Is that a DEATH? and are there two?
Is DEATH that woman's mate?

Her lips were red, her looks were free,
Her locks were yellow as gold:
Her skin was as white as leprosy,
The Night-Mare LIFE-IN-DEATH was she,
Who thicks man's blood with cold.

The naked hulk alongside came,
And the twain were casting dice;
"The game is done! I've won! I've won!"
Quoth she, and whistles thrice.

The Sun's rim dips; the stars rush out:
At one stride comes the dark;
With far-heard whisper, o'er the sea.
Off shot the spectre-bark.

We listened and looked sideways up!
Fear at my heart, as at a cup,
My life-blood seemed to sip!

The stars were dim, and thick the night,
The steersman's face by his lamp gleamed white;
From the sails the dew did drip—
Till clombe above the eastern bar
The horned Moon, with one bright star
Within the nether tip.

One after one, by the star-dogged Moon
Too quick for groan or sigh,
Each turned his face with a ghastly pang,
And cursed me with his eye.

Four times fifty living men,
(And I heard nor sigh nor groan)
With heavy thump, a lifeless lump,
They dropped down one by one.

The souls did from their bodies fly,—
They fled to bliss or woe!
And every soul, it passed me by,
Like the whizz of my CROSS-BOW!

"I fear thee, ancient Mariner!
I fear thy skinny hand!
And thou art long, and lank, and brown,
As is the ribbed sea-sand.

"I fear thee and thy glittering eye,
And thy skinny hand, so brown."—
Fear not, fear not, thou Wedding-Guest!
This body dropt not down.

Alone, alone, all, all alone,
Alone on a wide wide sea!
And never a saint took pity on
My soul in agony.

The many men, so beautiful!
And they all dead did lie:
And a thousand thousand slimy things
Lived on; and so did I.

I looked upon the rotting sea,
And drew my eyes away;
I looked upon the rotting deck,
And there the dead men lay.

I looked to Heaven, and tried to pray:
But or ever a prayer had gusht,
A wicked whisper came, and made
my heart as dry as dust.

I closed my lids, and kept them close,
And the balls like pulses beat;
For the sky and the sea, and the sea and the sky
Lay like a load on my weary eye,
And the dead were at my feet.

The cold sweat melted from their limbs,
Nor rot nor reek did they:
The look with which they looked on me
Had never passed away.

An orphan's curse would drag to Hell
A spirit from on high;
But oh! more horrible than that
Is a curse in a dead man's eye!
Seven days, seven nights, I saw that curse,
And yet I could not die.

The moving Moon went up the sky,
And no where did abide:
Softly she was going up,
And a star or two beside.

Her beams bemocked the sultry main,
Like April hoar-frost spread;
But where the ship's huge shadow lay,
The charmed water burnt alway
A still and awful red.

Beyond the shadow of the ship,
I watched the water-snakes:
They moved in tracks of shining white,
And when they reared, the elfish light
Fell off in hoary flakes.

Within the shadow of the ship
I watched their rich attire:
Blue, glossy green, and velvet black,
They coiled and swam; and every track
Was a flash of golden fire.

O happy living things! no tongue
Their beauty might declare:
A spring of love gushed from my heart,
And I blessed them unaware:
Sure my kind saint took pity on me,
And I blessed them unaware.

The self same moment I could pray;
And from my neck so free
The Albatross fell off, and sank
Like lead into the sea.

Oh sleep! it is a gentle thing,
Beloved from pole to pole!
To Mary Queen the praise be given!
She sent the gentle sleep from Heaven,
That slid into my soul.

The silly buckets on the deck,
That had so long remained,
I dreamt that they were filled with dew;
And when I awoke, it rained.

My lips were wet, my throat was cold,
My garments all were dank;
Sure I had drunken in my dreams,
And still my body drank.

I moved, and could not feel my limbs:
I was so light—almost
I thought that I had died in sleep,
And was a blessed ghost.

And soon I heard a roaring wind:
It did not come anear;
But with its sound it shook the sails,
That were so thin and sere.

The upper air burst into life!
And a hundred fire-flags sheen,
To and fro they were hurried about!
And to and fro, and in and out,
The wan stars danced between.

And the coming wind did roar more loud,
And the sails did sigh like sedge;
And the rain poured down from one black cloud;
The Moon was at its edge.

The thick black cloud was cleft, and still
The Moon was at its side:
Like waters shot from some high crag,
The lightning fell with never a jag,
A river steep and wide.

The loud wind never reached the ship,
Yet now the ship moved on!
Beneath the lightning and the Moon
The dead men gave a groan.

They groaned, they stirred, they all uprose,
Nor spake, nor moved their eyes;
It had been strange, even in a dream,
To have seen those dead men rise.

The helmsman steered, the ship moved on;
Yet never a breeze up blew;
The mariners all 'gan work the ropes,
Where they were wont to do:
They raised their limbs like lifeless tools—
We were a ghastly crew.

The body of my brother's son,
Stood by me, knee to knee:
The body and I pulled at one rope,
But he said nought to me.

"I fear thee, ancient Mariner!"
Be calm, thou Wedding-Guest!
'Twas not those souls that fled in pain,
Which to their corses came again,
But a troop of spirits blest:

For when it dawned—they dropped their arms,
And clustered round the mast;
Sweet sounds rose slowly through their mouths,
And from their bodies passed.

Around, around, flew each sweet sound,
Then darted to the Sun;
Slowly the sounds came back again,
Now mixed, now one by one.

Sometimes a-dropping from the sky
I heard the sky-lark sing;
Sometimes all little birds that are,
How they seemed to fill the sea and air
With their sweet jargoning!

And now 'twas like all instruments,
Now like a lonely flute;
And now it is an angel's song,
That makes the Heavens be mute.

It ceased; yet still the sails made on
A pleasant noise till noon,
A noise like of a hidden brook
In the leafy month of June,
That to the sleeping woods all night
Singeth a quiet tune.

Till noon we quietly sailed on,
Yet never a breeze did breathe:
Slowly and smoothly went the ship,
Moved onward from beneath.

Under the keel nine fathom deep,
From the land of mist and snow,
The spirit slid: and it was he
That made the ship to go.
The sails at noon left off their tune,
And the ship stood still also.

The Sun, right up above the mast,
Had fixed her to the ocean:
But in a minute she 'gan stir,
With a short uneasy motion—
Backwards and forwards half her length
With a short uneasy motion.

Then like a pawing horse let go,
She made a sudden bound:
It flung the blood into my head,
And I fell down in a swound.

How long in that same fit I lay,
I have not to declare;
But ere my living life returned,
I heard and in my soul discerned
Two VOICES in the air.

"Is it he?" quoth one, "Is this the man?
By him who died on cross,
With his cruel bow he laid full low,
The harmless Albatross.

"The spirit who bideth by himself
In the land of mist and snow,
He loved the bird that loved the man
Who shot him with his bow."

The other was a softer voice,
As soft as honey-dew:
Quoth he, "The man hath penance done,
And penance more will do."

FIRST VOICE.

But tell me, tell me! speak again,
Thy soft response renewing—
What makes that ship drive on so fast?
What is the OCEAN doing?

SECOND VOICE.

Still as a slave before his lord,
The OCEAN hath no blast;
His great bright eye most silently
Up to the Moon is cast—

If he may know which way to go;
For she guides him smooth or grim
See, brother, see! how graciously
She looketh down on him.

FIRST VOICE.

But why drives on that ship so fast,
Without or wave or wind?

SECOND VOICE.

The air is cut away before,
And closes from behind.

Fly, brother, fly! more high, more high
Or we shall be belated:
For slow and slow that ship will go,
When the Mariner's trance is abated.

I woke, and we were sailing on
As in a gentle weather:
'Twas night, calm night, the Moon was high;
The dead men stood together.

All stood together on the deck,
For a charnel-dungeon fitter:
All fixed on me their stony eyes,
That in the Moon did glitter.

The pang, the curse, with which they died,
Had never passed away:
I could not draw my eyes from theirs,
Nor turn them up to pray.

And now this spell was snapt: once more
I viewed the ocean green.
And looked far forth, yet little saw
Of what had else been seen—

Like one that on a lonesome road
Doth walk in fear and dread,
And having once turned round walks on,
And turns no more his head;
Because he knows, a frightful fiend
Doth close behind him tread.

But soon there breathed a wind on me,
Nor sound nor motion made:
Its path was not upon the sea,
In ripple or in shade.

It raised my hair, it fanned my cheek
Like a meadow-gale of spring—
It mingled strangely with my fears,
Yet it felt like a welcoming.

Swiftly, swiftly flew the ship,
Yet she sailed softly too:
Sweetly, sweetly blew the breeze—
On me alone it blew.

Oh! dream of joy! is this indeed
The light-house top I see?
Is this the hill? is this the kirk?
Is this mine own countree!

We drifted o'er the harbour-bar,
And I with sobs did pray—
O let me be awake, my God!
Or let me sleep alway.

The harbour-bay was clear as glass,
So smoothly it was strewn!
And on the bay the moonlight lay,
And the shadow of the moon.

The rock shone bright, the kirk no less,
That stands above the rock:
The moonlight steeped in silentness
The steady weathercock.

And the bay was white with silent light,
Till rising from the same,
Full many shapes, that shadows were,
In crimson colours came.

A little distance from the prow
Those crimson shadows were:
I turned my eyes upon the deck—
Oh, Christ! what saw I there!

Each corse lay flat, lifeless and flat,
And, by the holy rood!
A man all light, a seraph-man,
On every corse there stood.

This seraph band, each waved his hand:
It was a heavenly sight!
They stood as signals to the land,
Each one a lovely light:

This seraph-band, each waved his hand,
No voice did they impart—
No voice; but oh! the silence sank
Like music on my heart.

But soon I heard the dash of oars;
I heard the Pilot's cheer;
My head was turned perforce away,
And I saw a boat appear.

The Pilot, and the Pilot's boy,
I heard them coming fast:
Dear Lord in Heaven! it was a joy
The dead men could not blast.

I saw a third—I heard his voice:
It is the Hermit good!
He singeth loud his godly hymns
That he makes in the wood.
He'll shrieve my soul, he'll wash away
The Albatross's blood.

This Hermit good lives in that wood
Which slopes down to the sea.
How loudly his sweet voice he rears!
He loves to talk with marineres
That come from a far countree.

He kneels at morn and noon and eve—
He hath a cushion plump:
It is the moss that wholly hides
The rotted old oak-stump.

The skiff-boat neared: I heard them talk,
"Why this is strange, I trow!
Where are those lights so many and fair,
That signal made but now?"

"Strange, by my faith!" the Hermit said—
"And they answered not our cheer!
The planks looked warped! and see those sails,
How thin they are and sere!
I never saw aught like to them,
Unless perchance it were

"Brown skeletons of leaves that lag
My forest-brook along;
When the ivy-tod is heavy with snow,
And the owlet whoops to the wolf below,
That eats the she-wolf's young."

"Dear Lord! it hath a fiendish look—
(The Pilot made reply)
I am a-feared"—"Push on, push on!"
Said the Hermit cheerily.

The boat came closer to the ship,
But I nor spake nor stirred;
The boat came close beneath the ship,
And straight a sound was heard.

Under the water it rumbled on,
Still louder and more dread:
It reached the ship, it split the bay;
The ship went down like lead.

Stunned by that loud and dreadful sound,
Which sky and ocean smote,
Like one that hath been seven days drowned
My body lay afloat;
But swift as dreams, myself I found
Within the Pilot's boat.

Upon the whirl, where sank the ship,
The boat spun round and round;
And all was still, save that the hill
Was telling of the sound.

I moved my lips—the Pilot shrieked
And fell down in a fit;
The holy Hermit raised his eyes,
And prayed where he did sit.

I took the oars: the Pilot's boy,
Who now doth crazy go,
Laughed loud and long, and all the while
His eyes went to and fro.
"Ha! ha!" quoth he, "full plain I see,
The Devil knows how to row."

And now, all in my own countree,
I stood on the firm land!
The Hermit stepped forth from the boat,
And scarcely he could stand.

"O shrieve me, shrieve me, holy man!"
The Hermit crossed his brow.
"Say quick," quoth he, "I bid thee say—
What manner of man art thou?"

Forthwith this frame of mine was wrenched
With a woeful agony,
Which forced me to begin my tale;
And then it left me free.

Since then, at an uncertain hour,
That agony returns;
And till my ghastly tale is told,
This heart within me burns.

I pass, like night, from land to land;
I have strange power of speech;
That moment that his face I see,
I know the man that must hear me:
To him my tale I teach.

What loud uproar bursts from that door!
The wedding-guests are there:
But in the garden-bower the bride
And bride-maids singing are:
And hark the little vesper bell,
Which biddeth me to prayer!

O Wedding-Guest! this soul hath been
Alone on a wide wide sea:
So lonely 'twas, that God himself
Scarce seemed there to be.

O sweeter than the marriage-feast,
'Tis sweeter far to me,
To walk together to the kirk
With a goodly company!—

To walk together to the kirk,
And all together pray,
While each to his great Father bends,
Old men, and babes, and loving friends,
And youths and maidens gay!

Farewell, farewell! but this I tell
To thee, thou Wedding-Guest!
He prayeth well, who loveth well
Both man and bird and beast.

He prayeth best, who loveth best
All things both great and small;
For the dear God who loveth us
He made and loveth all.

The Mariner, whose eye is bright,
Whose beard with age is hoar,
Is gone: and now the Wedding-Guest
Turned from the bridegroom's door.

He went like one that hath been stunned,
And is of sense forlorn:
A sadder and a wiser man,
He rose the morrow morn.

-- Samuel Taylor Coleridge

10x10variated: Jennifer Connelly

2011-08-02T01:58:36Z

I'm pleased with a lot of the icons, however, as a collection... not so much. I'm sure I'll pick the challenge up again (albeit with a different subject) and do better. A lot of the icons in their respective sets seem to have the same "look". It was NOT done intentionally, but apparently once I find a good coloring I have a hard time imagining the same photo in a different color. :( Though, I was able to break the mold with a few icons. :)

"Popular Trend" is NOT my forte and I'm not very pleased with the first ten.

Oh, and I was had an insane moment with an insane idea and ran with it. I only used ten photos in the entire collection, one for each set. Insane, right?

First Ten: Coloring : 001-010
Use only the oiginal images, changing the color only and nothing else. Color each icon differently, using different color fill layers or adjustment layers. No text, textures, gradients, brushes, or stock images allowed. -This helps you find new ways of coloring your icon.

Second Tend: Text : 011-020
Every icon must have readable text on it. As well, every icon must have a different font. Do not use fonts that are excessively popular at the time (i.e. Action Jackson, Violation, Cooper Black) -This helps you find new, fun fonts to use.

Third Ten : Texture : 021-030
Use a texture on every icon. A different texture must be used on each one. -Helps you learn the ways of texture use.

Fourth Ten : Stock : 031-040
Every icon must include a stock image. NO CLOUDS! I cannot stress this enough, clouds have been so overdone! lol There are many more stock images you can use. Find FREE stock images at SXC.HU. -Helps you learn the ways of using stock images.

Fifth Ten : Rotate : 041-050
Rotate the images. This can be done any way, upside down, to the right, the left, caddy cornered, whatever. -Helps you be more creative with cropping and image placement.

Sixth Ten : B&W : 051-060
Images must be black and white.

Seventh Ten : Effect : 061-070
On each icon, use one effect feature from the Effects menu in your Photoshop or Paintshop.

Eighth Ten : - 100x100 : 071-080
Every icon must be less than 100x100 pixels. (i.e. The sides must be uneven.)

Ninth Ten : Popular Trend : 081-090
Every icon must use one popular icon trend that is hot at the time. This changes frequently but it will be easy since you see these trends everywhere. (i.e. when these rules were written the trends were dirty textures, Action Jackson font, bright hue and saturation coloring, blurry images, etc.) -Trends are done over and over, but it's still nice to know you can do them. Don't be afraid to copy! ;)

Tenth Ten : Free for All : 091-100
Free for all! Do whatever you want with these ten! :D

Damn photobucket...

p!nk

2011-07-18T05:47:23Z

I normally don't pay any attention to music videos, just the songs, but this mv is HYSTERICAL! I love it! P!nk is my new hero.

chyenna @ 2011-07-08T00:44:00

2011-07-08T04:46:36Z

Kitchen vs Ninja

I wonder how many people are in the same boat as that poor man. And, yes, it's actually the Japanese kanji for kitchen.

New Years Resolutions : Update

2011-06-27T00:09:19Z

I'm spectacularily failing on my NYR list. I can't really bring myself to care too much because I look at a lot of what I wanted to achieve and think 'Really? This doesn't need to be on my list.'. I've had some perspective shifting moments these past two to three months. My dad went to the hospital and my grandmother is "actively" dying. So... yeah, my priorities have changed and, thus, what I truly want to achieve. So I'm giving the list a make over. Observe:

Learn a Language
I still want to do this. In fact, I've got a list of languages that I'd love to learn. However, despite it's benefits, I'm not starting with Esperanto. I think I'm heading for Spanish first. It's relatively easy and a great starting point for future language learning, just like Esperanto, only more applicable.

Learn to play my guitar
Kelli Rudick is a bit too high of an expectation for a year, even if I did spend all my days on it. I think if I learn a song or two well I'll be pleased. I don't need to be a raging guitar player to make me happy.

Take up Martial Arts again
    I desperately want to take it up again, but just not now. I need money and time to do it, and I don't really have either, so far. Two jobs and everything else happening, it's just not going to happen now. I'll see where I stand in the fall and winter when my seasonal job closes. I'm not letting it go just yet.

Actually complete an original story
    My creative spirit is starting to kick and scream, so I'm really psyched about writing again. I'm part of this comm of writers and reviewers (not as active as I should or liked to be), so I think I'll do a rough version of some of my stories and just post as I go, see if I can't be productive on my stories since I'm in a rut with where to go on some of the plots.

Learn to paint
    I still want to learn how to do it and I'm really hoping to submit some art in a local festival this year. Perhaps one of them will be a painting. Perhaps I'll change this from 'Learn to pain' to 'Submitting art in local festival'.

Read more: One of these days I will pick up a book and actually read it front to back. One of these days. Preferably before the damn New Year.


Try out for Roller Derby
    My city had try outs, but I didn't sign up for them. My family and I were planning on taking a vacation which fell on the try out date. Even though we didn't go on it because of grandma's situation, I still didn't try out because I didn't have enough time (energy or money) to get the gear and sign up for the try outs. I'm not too disappointed. There's always next year.

Build something
    This isn't a priority for me anymore. I'd like to do it eventually, but I'm not interested in doing it THAT much. So it's no longer on the list.

Go Vegetarian
    This will still be on the list, but not such a high priority. I want to focus more on gaining and keeping weight instead of going vegetarian. With food prices going up, though, eating less meat is becoming an easier, cheaper and more viable option.

Better Handwriting
    It's getting better, slowly but surely. I can start reading it now.

Make my granny a quilt
    This is no longer an option because, as I mentioned above, she's actively dying. We think she might go soon, so...


Actually get my driver's license
    This still remains elusive. I keep setting myself up to go to the branch on a certain day, but it never


Attend University
    I really was psyched about the art university, until I saw how much they charged per class. A grand total of $2,000 dollars for ONE class. F*ck off I said, so I'm looking into this on university and am thinking of going to a community college first and then transferring to said university to save some money.


Learn More
    I'm just trying to get everything sorted out for myself. I still want to learn more, but I'm scaling it down a bit. I want to learn more about myself as well, become more self aware and learn to become a better person.


Go to more museums
    I still would love to go to museums, but this is not a priority for me. This is being taken off the list. If I go to museums, yay, if not, oh well.


Be a Better Friend
    I'm still horrendous. I've done nothing to change that yet.


Gain and Keep on the Weight
    This is much harder than I was anticipating, though, I should have anticipated this much difficulty now that I think on it. I'm just now fully aware of how difficult it is for me to stuff my face throughout the day. That and the added stress of these past few months while holding down two jobs and it's nearly impossible. Nearly impossible, but not quite. I just need to put more effort into it. More discipline.

Con my dad into getting matching tattoos LOL
    Because he's now taking a blood thinner because of his irregular heartbeat, him getting a tattoo is no longer an option. I'm not sure if I'll still get a tattoo, I've thought about having him design one for me or getting a tattoo of something in connection of my dad, but I'm sure as of yet.

Completely cover a wall with photos
    ... of friends and family.

Dye my hair white
    I've not done it yet, though I have bleached sections of my hair blonde. With the way thigns have been happening, I'm even more determined to do it. Even if all my hair falls out in the end and I'll be as bald as Professor X for a month or two, I'm going to do it. I WANT to do this and by golly I'm gonna do it.

Funk-ify my car: This is no longer a priority for me and is thus being removed from the list

Get a job at a Hot Topic
    I Yeah, I'm no longer wanting to work for them, for they gone and pissed me off. I've lost all respect for Hot Topic. It used to be a really cool place, but now I won't step a foot in there. They're selling items with Charlie Sheens' "quotes". By doing so they are not only supporting and even fueling his own "popularity" but also endorsing his behavior. I find that disgusting. Charlie Sheen isn't a person to glorify nor is he a person for people to aspire to become. They are condoning his actions and making a profit out of his destruction. Pisses me off. I feel sorry for the man and his family. Obviously this is no longer on the list.

within temptation

2011-04-09T03:18:29Z

"This world may have failed you, it doesn't give you a reason why. You could have chosen a different path in life."

Kronos Quartet (Sigur Ros)

2011-02-26T03:27:39Z

Hillary's Downfall

2011-02-22T18:34:22Z

Been forever since I've seen this. Saw Unknown the other day and I was thinking to myself that Jurgen looked like he was portrayed by the same actor in Downfall as Hitler. Then I thought of this. Love it.

Golf - Robin Williams

2011-02-22T04:58:17Z

margaret mead

2011-02-20T04:32:54Z

"Never doubt that a small group of committed people can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has."

Omar Rodriguez Lopez Quintet

2011-02-11T02:41:13Z

Resources

2011-02-04T12:52:00Z

Textures

neke
affliction
andraya

bitterendings \anieli
blue_emotion \thatgoldenrule

creamyplot

erniemay

gayify
glass_lillies
krimson

innocent_lexys

theriakx \realmofsilence
jiangzhiya \idiotxbeauty

kaanivaru \xloliconsx
krizzzie

nadya149 \february_day

lemoninthebath
light_ofmy_life
lookslikerain

midnight_road
mon_rox
mychemical_lust

ohfreckle \coffeeforcloser
overevery

pikkupenguin
proverbsun

rainharbour

shadedcolor \unpresented
shalowater
she_rockstar
stagesix
sweet100x100

tearjerkericons
terempaty
the_lovie69
tiger_tutorials
adrastea

whitebamboo
widebluesky
wildsheepz \topassilem

viciousgurl
vox_mortem

macbeth

2011-01-27T20:29:37Z

"I dare do all that may become a man; Who dares do more, is none"

Faust

2011-01-05T06:43:32Z

“All things in Heaven and on Earth are wondrous. But the greatest wonder of all is man’s choice to do good or evil.”

My most beloved quote. I'm writing a story solely based on this quote.

julius caesar

2011-01-02T15:16:01Z

"Men at some time are masters of their fates:
The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars,
But in ourselves, that we are underlings. "

Ulysses (1842)

2011-01-02T04:53:48Z

It little profits that an idle king,

By this still hearth, among these barren crags,

Match'd with an aged wife, I mete and dole

Unequal laws unto a savage race,

That hoard, and sleep, and feed, and know not me.

I cannot rest from travel: I will drink

Life to the lees: All times I have enjoy'd

Greatly, have suffer'd greatly, both with those

That loved me, and alone, on shore, and when

Thro' scudding drifts the rainy Hyades

Vext the dim sea: I am become a name;

For always roaming with a hungry heart

Much have I seen and known; cities of men

And manners, climates, councils, governments,

Myself not least, but honour'd of them all;

And drunk delight of battle with my peers,

Far on the ringing plains of windy Troy.

I am a part of all that I have met;

Yet all experience is an arch wherethro'

Gleams that untravell'd world whose margin fades

For ever and forever when I move.

How dull it is to pause, to make an end,

To rust unburnish'd, not to shine in use!

As tho' to breathe were life! Life piled on life

Were all too little, and of one to me

Little remains: but every hour is saved

From that eternal silence, something more,
A bringer of new things; and vile it were

For some three suns to store and hoard myself,

And this gray spirit yearning in desire

To follow knowledge like a sinking star,

Beyond the utmost bound of human thought.

This is my son, mine own Telemachus,

To whom I leave the sceptre and the isle,--

Well-loved of me, discerning to fulfil

This labour, by slow prudence to make mild

A rugged people, and thro' soft degrees

Subdue them to the useful and the good.

Most blameless is he, centred in the sphere

Of common duties, decent not to fail

In offices of tenderness, and pay

Meet adoration to my household gods,

When I am gone. He works his work, I mine.

There lies the port; the vessel puffs her sail:

There gloom the dark, broad seas. My mariners,

Souls that have toil'd, and wrought, and thought with me--

That ever with a frolic welcome took

The thunder and the sunshine, and opposed

Free hearts, free foreheads--you and I are old;

Old age hath yet his honour and his toil;

Death closes all: but something ere the end,

Some work of noble note, may yet be done,

Not unbecoming men that strove with Gods.

The lights begin to twinkle from the rocks:

The long day wanes: the slow moon climbs: the deep

Moans round with many voices. Come, my friends,

'T is not too late to seek a newer world.

Push off, and sitting well in order smite

The sounding furrows; for my purpose holds

To sail beyond the sunset, and the baths

Of all the western stars, until I die.

It may be that the gulfs will wash us down:

It may be we shall touch the Happy Isles,

And see the great Achilles, whom we knew.

Tho' much is taken, much abides; and tho'

We are not now that strength which in old days

Moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are;

One equal temper of heroic hearts,

Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will

To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.

-- Alfred, Lord Tennyson

(my fav so far)

Measure for Measure

2011-01-02T04:30:37Z

"Thou hast nor youth nor age, But as it were an after dinner sleep, Dreaming of both."