Magnets - A Jeff/Annie Mix
: 
her hands sticky, her lips parted, she said that he needed to stop saying no, and for once he believed her. but that's nothing new, the believing her, and suddenly he realizes this is why he lets her stay there. because he has tried to be good not because of the reasons he has tried to convince himself of: to manipulate, to trick, to deceive. all these reasons, the rationales, they were part of a piece of jeff winger that once flared in the pit of him like a forest fire, consuming everything. the part of him that wouldn't question her open mouth and her wide eyes because he felt it was his for the taking. that part of him, the old part, has been chiseled away slowly and suddenly he found himself raw and strange inside, like the new skin covering a blister. suddenly, he was filled with this strange thing that he couldn't figure out, not for the life of him, because it was against the old ways. suddenly he became aware of this new feeling, this sudden want for goodness. the want to change. he couldn't understand it so he fought it - for a while - like a body might fight a virus.
but then along she came. and that changed everything. starry eyes. a sense of sweetness that radiated off her like sun-warmed brick. her sharp mouth, sweaters buttoned to the neck. in her, he saw the drive to push and push and push and he saw it and knew it and understood and dreaded her tears that came when the crippling fear of failure flooded through her. he knew that feeling.
but then, her hand in his, he realized that somehow, together, things worked. that fear, the fear that the next step might be wrong, that someone will find the weakness inside of you and keep it for the taking, that fear faded. she understood, too. he remembers the moment he realized this, when she was still really only a girl and thinking, oh no.
but she is here now, her arms curled up against him. he can feel her fingers near his clavicle and she is looking at him with that look that says, things have changed and i know i know i know. and she does know, she has seen him at his worst, his most manipulative, his most selfish, and met him beat for beat, punch for punch.
she tells him, has told him, inside, things are equal. i know you worry about the years that separate us, but there's something here, and what can you do? when it happens, it happens, and sometimes the world surprises us and i hate surprises too, jeff winger, just like you, but what can you do? but are you really surprised? about us?
and no, of course he's not. he remembers the first day when he saw her walk through a door, just a door, somewhere, and he thought, well, alright. and for some reason something turned in him, flipped him upside down, and it was complicated and strange and he thought, she's only a girl. but in many ways, he's still just a boy. and in many ways, she's very much a woman, and none of those arguments work anymore. he isn't surprised about any of it, about the both of them. about the two of them here, together, in this moment; he has memorized the freckles on her nose and knows that her laugh tilts at the end like she's not sure if it's okay to be happy, as if she's not sure if people will think crazy annie has come out again. here with him, with her eyes round and large on him, he knows that she feels this now. she is expecting an answer. she is expecting a no again. she has come to expect disappointment in her life, but still, her fingers curl against the ends of his shirt like she is holding onto him for dear life. her eyes flutter down, too afraid to look.
a part of him still thinks no, because it would be the right thing to do. jeff winger knows himself and he knows that he is rotten in many places. but then, after all, there is this small part in him that is exposed and raw like newly picked fruit and this part tells him that goodness isn't saying no to things just because everyone else might say no. goodness isn't saying no because judgment will fall on you if you don't, but goodness is following that part of yourself that aches deep in your chest with the desire to make things right. to bring them to you because some things are supposed to come together. and sometimes this is easy to do and sometimes it is not. right now, it is a bit of both because the inside of him hurts like a wound from something bad being cut away.
she is still looking at his chest, not daring to look him in the eyes. and he knows, he knows, he knows. he knows now. some things are meant to come together, he thinks over and over. there are forces at play here and who is he to say yes or no?
he says, it doesn't work like that.
and she thinks it means something different, think it means, you're a bright kid, but, or, relationships are complicated. she loosens her grip and starts to inch away like he is slowly burning her second by second. and so quickly, he takes the small of her back in the palm of his hand and bring her closer. her eyes, those eyes, are wide and surprised on his and she opens her mouth in question, but he just says, i mean, who are we to say, annie? who am i to say what is and isn't? i'm in the business of rationale and making my own truths, but what if i'm wrong and we go forever without knowing that this really is the truth? that there really is real truth, a concrete one? so, let's just let it be. is that okay, annie? if for once we just let this be what it is? would that be alright with you?
and annie edison, cardigan-ed annie edison, with her small hands and fiery heart, little annie edison who, he realizes, has taken a piece of him that he doesn't think he's getting back, not ever, she simply shakes her head slowly and smiles a small shy smile. she puts her hands on his chest and he knows his heart is fluttering hard and quick against her fingers.
when his mouth finds hers, it is easy. like it was always supposed to be, things meeting the things like they should, the truth, the truth that always should be.
shameful | stephen gordon +
i’m about the same as you are / looking for a place to start / but we’re bent on different angles / ain’t that too bad? / […] i wish you would remember / how you taught me to surrender / how soon you have found a way around / you’ve gone and done that / […] don’t move / just to prove / you’re standing on two feet that you never knew / foggy pride that swear that you can see through / is it shameful for someone to love you?
speakeasy | i hate you just kidding -
i've been waiting for you to call my name / in a voice so quiet, a voice so low / say it slowly... no one has to know / baby's crying to you on the phone / i've been dying to get you alone / take it easy, take it slow / my desire lies between the known and the unknown
burn you up | thao and the get down stay down +
but don't you think we came close? / don't you want to come home with me? / but i remember the most / don't you want a new memory? / i will wait the winter long / i think i could burn you up / quick to taste, 'cause you never know / i think i could burn you up
tigress | songs:ohia -
it's difficult not to worry about what happens next / certain looks sort out confused looks / and certain looks sport confused looks / and i watched us talking in the mirror / and you put on that look / that says this little star wishes she weren't single / it is the eye that catches me a man protesting his worth / it is the year that catches you putting the shake on your words / you are alert as a tigress at a common table with her fate / you can almost taste it / we'll be gone be morning or be together by then
your love | bon iver +
you know i would do anything for you / stay the night, we'll keep it under cover / i just wanna use your love tonight / i don't wanna lose your love tonight / try to stop my hands from shakin' / somethin' in my mind's not makin' sense / it's been awhile since we've been all alone / i can't hide the way i'm feelin'
shepherd of the stray hearts | lovers -
silence, convince the lovers in their sheets to move in mists / of effortlessness together as they sleep / i'd shy when i'd see you around / we were here at the same time in the same town / i asked for answers from the ocean waves / "if it's meant to be then it will be," they said / i wanted you / […] magnets find each other and i will be your lover and i will be your lover
get too close | brooke waggoner +
[instrumental]
magnetized | laura veirs -
slain, by your zirconium smile / i was slain by your olivine eyes / slain, i was lying in piles, hoping shovels would cast me in / furnaces burn everlasting, black tattoos of you on to me / furnaces burn everlasting, black tattoos / burn, brand my memory, black tattoo of you / wash me with your mouth, brackish bright water from your eyes
religious winds | samantha crain +
baby, i think we're 'bout to defy / the written rules of poetry / laws of science and society / 'cause all this found its way without a guide / […] we were positive and negative / in a foreign land we were natives / in that holy god fearing night / come on religious wind / i've found you again