Childfree Community

Join the LiveJournal Revival!

rock_dinosaur — Fri, 10 Oct 2025 06:45:40 GMT

Are you fed-up with garbage, full-of-shit sites where nobody actually communicates, such as Facebook, Instagram, TikTok and Twitter? Do you wish your old friends who've migrated to those sites would return to LiveJournal? The the_lj_revival community has been set up with that aim in mind, and you are invited to join it. If you are already on LiveJournal and still have a Facebook profile, and would like to see more people returning to LJ or setting up accounts here, we invite you to post a link to this community on your Facebook Timeline. If you would like to find out who is still using LiveJournal and make contact with those who are already here, you are invited to copy and paste the 'about me' questions on the profile page and post them with your answers to the community.

It's okay to not hold the baby, right?

pilar_zuazo — Sun, 09 Oct 2016 16:11:56 GMT

I'm the same person from the Nephew Vacation Ruiner post and I now love this site. I've spent the last few days reading everything posted. It's refreshing to see so many like-minded people!

Anywho, my coworker had her son right before my family's trip to Europe at the start of September so it being the start of August you can imagine I've seen the baby since then. Especially since she's been in every single day since she left for her leave. She always brings the baby.

I've held him, I've cooed, I've awwed. I've done everything you're "supposed" to do when there is a baby around. But yesterday when she brought him in I was busy with a project and since I've seen him everyday I didn't see the need to stop working so I called a quick hello and acknowledged the baby before getting to work.

She comes over before she leaves and asks if I wanna hold him. Politely I declined and I swear you'd think I told her to fuck herself with the baby. She stormed out and now I'm the pariah of my section. My section is mostly women and one of them told me that it's rude to ignore the baby.

I spoke to my male boss later on and he thought it was hilarious and said that he noticed that when the only man in our section ignored the bebe-melee nothing happened to him. So, thoughts, did I in anyway do something rude or wrong here? I don't see what was so bad about saying no.

I mean, maybe if I had never shown an interest before or had been rude when she asked, but I've done everything from plan the office baby-shower to attending the kid's christening. Is there some unspoken rule that if you're female you must always be interested in a baby you've seen everyday since it's birth?

My "Vacation"

pilar_zuazo — Fri, 07 Oct 2016 15:05:17 GMT

TL;DR: My hellion nephew ruined my European vacation with the help of my God-awful sister. LONG-*Edited: Apparently this is getting some trolling vibes so I'll add a couple pics for proof. I'm going to blur out the face of my minor nephew, who I took a couple of pics with before we left since he is a minor, and mine slightly because the internet gives me the creeps.*

So, let begin with the requisite 'I Like Kids'.

I have three nieces and two nephews from my two siblings. I am the youngest, and obviously child-free. So my parents planned the great vacation to Europe recently and they paid for the hotel and all the amenities, all we kids had to do was pay for transportation-rental cars, airplanes, so a sweet deal.

Now, I have a great job, I get paid well. I don't fly anything less than Business Class. So, we all meet at the airport in my parents state and check in together. My nieces and nephews are your typical over-spoiled-special precious baby snowflakes usual of anyone born post-2004. This story is about "Joey", the eight year old. For once, everyone else acted right.

He was acting so horribly that I'm shocked security didn't ask us to go. From the start he were hell-set on behaving badly. The check-in lady was making polite conversation with us and asked if my little nephew had any fun toys in his carry-on. She was sixty-ish so she was adorable out-of-touch and asked if he had any of those 'wonderful Pokemom-Z' cards. So dang sweet yo could dip her in tea to sweeten it. I loved her.

My nephew responds with such acid, "No, you old retard, I have my fucking iPad. And it's DragonBall Z, you dumb-ass." I kid you not. My jaw drops, my fiance's jaw drops, her jaw drops. I look at my sister thinking she's going to say something and she's freaking smiling at her boy like the sun is shining out of his tiny ass. He's eight!

They get done getting checked in with no further issues and step aside. My fiance and I apologize profusely while getting checked-in and guess what happens...Sweetpea behind the desk finds us an upgrade to First. Can you believe how nice? That never happens anymore.

So we have a marvelous time with her and get our new tickets and passes and make way for my parents who are also sweet to her. My other two siblings follow with their families and off we head for the JetBlu gate.

We get to security and Joey starts at it again. His dad is trying to get him to get his shoes off, his coat, empty his pockets, put his carry-on in the bucket, all that. Joey throws his bag down, I hear a shatter, there goes the "fucking iPad". Joey begins to throw the hissy fit to end all fits.

TSA is staring at us all like we're all insane. We're all through, except for Joey and his dad. So his dad picks everything up and gets it set up to be scanned, takes care of himself, and potato-sack hauls the boy up to the scanner, puts him down and tells him to go through the scanner.

Joey drops to the floor and curls up. TSA is starting to get pissed, we're all pissed, everyone is so pissed the room is yellow. Joey's dad kind rolls his kid across the scanner and my sister picks him. Puts him on her hip like a toddler. He has a three year old sister who is behaving better than him.

My other sister's eight month old son is behaving better than Joey. For reference to know what we were dealing with these are the kids, Eight Month Old Boy, Three Year Old Girl, Five Year Old Girl, Eight Year Old Boy, Ten Year Old Girl.

So we go to the boarding area and chill until our flight gets called for boarding. Joey is running around, jumping over furniture, we're all trying to help as best we can but come on, it's our vacation and we're not his parents. His mother thinks her only son is perfect so she sits with her Kindle and ignores him all the while leaving her husband and everyone else to make sure my nephew doesn't somehow steal a plane or a luggage car.

We get on the plane, my fiance and I thankfully in First Class. We get through the usual take-off prep and soon we're cruising at alt. I'm sipping a mimosa when my sister squats down beside me. Here is our conversation.

Sis: Hey, so I know it's a huge imposition but would you mind letting me sit up here in First so I can get a break?

Me: What? Fuck no. I got this upgrade trying to cover for your kid.

Sis: But it is our vacation after all. I need a break real bad.

Me: Sis, I love you but you've been ignoring Joey and (little sister) all morning while (husband) has been suffering. You even made our dad with his bad hip chase Joey down.

Sis: Why are you always so fucking selfish? Everytime I need something from you you give me some judgemental BS. That time I asked you to watch Joey and (LS). Or when you wouldn't help me out and watch Joey while he was sick so I could keep the baby away.

Me: Number one: I was in London when you asked me to watch your kids so I couldn't. Number Tow: You asked me to watch Joey while he had Chicken Pox; a disease you know I never had but you have had twice. Your husband hasn't either. He could have taken the baby while you watched your own son. I'm not selfish, I'm just not taking responsibility for kids I didn't birth.

Sis: Those are your niece and nephew, how can you be so mean? I don't think you actually love them.

Me: Right, so I didn't take off work for two weeks and sit by your bedside while you were having your kids and after you had them, losing some of paycheck and several important meetings all because you called me crying and scared because (husband) was in Afghanistan?

She didn't have much more to say because a Flight Attendant removed her back to Economy. The rest of the flight I spent in blissful unawareness. We arrive in France and hightail it to our hotel. It was beautiful.

We hired a hotel sitter for the kids and had a lovely dinner.

The next day however shit hit the fan and led up to my fiance and I leaving for another location.

We all went down to the pool/beach access area. I drop out on a chaise with my shades and drift away. I get woken up a couple hours later by something wet and heavy on my belly. I wake and it is my niece. Beside me is Joey.

Joey: Mom and dad went to town with memaw and pepaw so you have to watch us.

Me: Where's (Aunts and Uncles)?

Joey: (Shrugs): We're hungry.

So for the next five...five...five! hours I have to watch my niece and nephew with little idea how to actually control a child. My fiance tried, bless his heart, but he's just as clueless. The whole time I'm trying to get one of them on the phone but none of them answered. I couldn't find my other siblings so I was screwed. I didn't want to hire a sitter because I realized well-enough that if it were reversed and these were my kids I wouldn't be okay with anyone else hiring a sitter.

So at dinner time my sister and her husband roll in after my parents and I pounce. I pretty much had an angry breakdown and told them to go to hell. Well, more my sister than her husband because he's actually cool but whipped by my sister.

So my sister starts screaming at me for being selfish and making up lies and then she accuses me of hitting her son one time. I did, I admit it. He had a lighter in his hand, lit, and he was burning his sister's hair. She was one at the time. I slapped his hand away. Rightly so in my opinion since she had short wispy hair and could've been hurt worse than a smack.

So basically it ended with my fiance and I throwing our suitcases together and leaving despite the protests of everyone. We went to Greece and enjoyed ourselves. We got back a couple days ago and this big passive-agressive apology email basically all like, "sorry I was a bitch but you made me acting so selfish" and complaining that I ruined her vacation because now she has to actually mother her own children.

I responded with a succinct "Fuck You" and that was that. I don't care.

Oh, BTW, my dad told me via text that when my sister tried to force her son to eat Escargot he threw a fit and proceeded to take a thumb-to-the-garden hose-shit right in the middle of the formal dining room. Little boy turds everywhere. It got on people. In food. Basically he was responsible for having to have the dining room shut down for about an hour.

I know it's super blurry but I said up top why it would be.

ext_3806626 — Sat, 03 Sep 2016 06:40:13 GMT

If my dog, who is a dog, with a dog's brain, understands that he is not allowed to bark because it disturbs the neighbors, then your child, who is a human being and is at least four years old and can listen to and understand reason, should be held to the same standard and not be allowed to scream at the top of her voice all day.

Bluntly, we don't allow our dog to disturb the peace. Kindly stop allowing your child to.

Given the racket we have been subjected to today, I was picturing a toddler in diapers, not the much older child you actually have.

A kid probably got me fired tonight.

rosietherivetng — Thu, 18 Aug 2016 05:18:13 GMT

I'm a cashier an American grocery store.

Our registers are set up like so, one long belt and the register attached, a small gap, and then our small end cap with an extending belt. Tonight I was checking out a family with a small son who was wild, to say the least. He comes around and pokes his head in the gap, which is wide enough for one of our mini-carts. I smile, as one does when they want to acknowledge a child without engaging it. He grins and comes behind my line right as I open my drawer.

Can you smell the impending doom here?

What child doesn't like things that move and make noise and all that? Unfortunately not this one. Before I can stop him he reaches in my drawer and grabs a handful of money. Yes, he grabbed real American green currency and takes off.

Now, how did he manage this, you may ask, when registers have those little things that hold the money down? Yeah, I keep a messy drawer. I usually sort it out right before I retire for the night but as I still had a few minutes I hadn't yet taken the time.

So this grubby little former nipple-suckler has made off with at least one hundred dollars in twenties. I slam shut my drawer without giving the parents their change because let's face it, their spawn just took off with some of it.

I beg the parents to help me get it back and they immediately start blaming me for letting him back there, letting him in the drawer, letting him behind the line. Oh, I'm sorry, in addition to doing my job I'm now in charge of your brat? I called bullshit and demanded our money back.

Guess what junior's done while dear old mom and pop and I are arguing? Oh, you didn't guess? Yeah, he's shredded-SHREDDED- the money. Apparently he thinks it's okay to literally rip money right in halves. And then quarters. And then into bitses and pieces. A small pile of dead, shredded presidents on my floor.

I should mention that when I scolded the boy for doing it he ran full speed at me and drop kicked me in the knee. I'm a small female, this is a very solid six year old boy. Yeah, six year old. Should-freaking-know-better age.

I call for my supervisor because obviously now I'm freaking out-and my knee hurts-and I need help. She comes out and when I explain what happened she was a saint about it and told the parents they would be responsible for fixing this.

Mama and Poppa Dumfuc didn't like this. Did Not Like. On a monstrous scale. A big ole barrel of fuckin' nopes. Cat in the bath level.

This couple is probably mid-twenties. The kind of couple that dates in high school and probably got pregnant and gave it the old try and now they sort of semi-hate each other which already makes for a volatile combination and has manifested in their evil evil spawn. He is obviously acting out because his home life sucks and mom and dad are horrible.

You knew these people were never going to make this easy.

They start complaining that they can't pay us back because they just don't have the money. This is a couple who paid for their food items with EBT and then pulled out a stack of hundreds to pay for everything else. Mom was just bragging on her new Samsung about how they just booked a cruise over Thanksgiving to the Bahamas or whatever. Even off-season those things are expensive. Not to mention the three cartons of cigarettes they got and the three cases of beer and the six bottles of wine. I'm talking a three or four hundred dollar total that they paid for with cash. They weren't paying us back.

So my supervisor goes to call for a manager in her office, leaving me with two angry adults and an amused and mischievous child. The mother actually gets in my face and threatens me. I said I was calling the cops because as I said, I'm small and this lady is tall and wide.

That's when daddy throws sonny-jim in the full cart and grabs mama-sue and hightails it the eff outta there. Like Sonic with a lit firecracker up his ass. My supervisor runs out and I tell her what happened. Unfortunately we live in a budding metropolis with a packed parking lot that stays busy into the night and in the twenty or so seconds it took for me to call for her and for her to get to me they got away. I don't know how they did it. I can't imagine it was a quick job loading their stuff. Maybe they just threw it all in along with the cart and peeled off. Who knows?

So there I was sitting in front of our four managers trying to explain what happens and I'm definitely going to be speaking to the cops. In the mean time they are blaming me for this. Officially, on the record, in internal files. I'll probably be fired. I'll probably have to pay for the lost money. Might be accused of stealing. Who knows. Either way I'm about to have a hard time finding a new job.

This right here is why I'm never having kids. Why I don't like kids. Why looking at kids or hearing them actually causes me to cringe. Because kids these days have no discipline. No respect. No morals. They are held responsible for nothing. They are put on pedestals and treated as demi-gods. Their parents are lauded for simply procreating. They become self-righteous and entitled. I don't want to turn into that. I don't want to have a child that turns into that.

The world today makes me so sad.

****UPDATE**** So, things have moved fast, super fast. It's only been two days but we have action. I got good and bad news. The good news is thus: today at noon the mom, dad, and their son came back. They didn't come in to shop, they came in to make things right. They asked if I was there so my manager called me and asked me to come in. I brought my lawyer uncle just in case. We met in the coffee shop attached to the store. They bought everyone coffee and pastries for everyone. There's a story here. Now, they didn't run because the kid ripped up the money.

They ran because of a host of things. Number one being the EBT card they were using isn't there's. They explained they were using the wife's mother's card but her mother didn't know they had it. She only asked if they could after the fact. They also had weed in the car and both of them had been drinking-I didn't smell it though-and so they were afraid they would get arrested. It's almost unbelievable that that is why they ran and I even said so. They offered to replace the money their son destroyed but the manager had already gotten confirmation this morning from corporate that they would be covering the loss so my manager asked that they donate the money to a worthy cause. They agreed and very soon, our local animal shelter-a no-kill/adoption only-will be two hundred dollars richer! They were very sorry and even more sorry that the kid kicked me and made him apologize to me. We all separated on good terms, at least, they and I did.

Now for the bad news. I got fired. After they left my manager informed me that the board doesn't want me back. My uncle is considering suing but I may stop him. I'm just glad everything worked out as well as it did. I know it seems silly not to take action but considering this could have gone worse, I'll take what I can get. Thanks everyone for their wishes over the last two days!

Interesting read . . .

lizzibelle30 — Sun, 22 May 2016 23:44:55 GMT

I think we've heard or experienced this story many times.

http://the-daily.buzz/woman-fight-sterilized/

creampuff090 — Tue, 29 Mar 2016 08:15:08 GMT

Found this video in my subscription box and had to share, fair warning though there is one disturbing part in it. So, are there any movies you would add to the list? Do you agree with it, are there any you'd drop?

Another Reason Why Having Children Is Unethical

commiesattack — Mon, 25 Jan 2016 13:05:51 GMT

In 1798 a British economist Thomas Malthus, who influenced Darvin, published "An Essay On The Principle Of Population". There he stated that food supply increases arithmetically while population grows exponentially. All species are like that, it speeds up evolution and is beneficial for specie's genetic fitness. He predicted a very dire future for humanity, war famine and disease would ravage the over populated world.

My point is that it is extremely selfish to have children. We are destroying our environment. We are killing ourselves. Not mentioning the fact that so many couples procreate for totally the wrong reasons and are terrible parents as a result. It really bothers me when women force their husbands to have children in order to trap them in a relationship with them(a lot of these women have either BPD or NPD). Some women lie about taking birth control pills. Some women poke holes in condoms. This is sick.

If you really wanna have children, adopt. There are so many children in need of help. But for fuck's sake be ready. Be prepared to give everything you got to the child. Be prepared to discipline him/her and to motivate him/her. Don't be neglectful hypocritical or overindulgent. There should be parenting courses in high school. That's my opinion, what's yours?

P.S
I'm adding this paragraph to the entry because I don't want to give people impression that I hate women. Both men and women can be violent. Male physical violence is a huge problem because it's so destructive. Men can be emotionally abusive too. Men with cluster B personality disorders trap women in abusive relationships too. Sometimes with threats of violence. Sometimes with financial abuse. I just wanted to say that I acknowledge that.

Advice for convincing a doctor to perform a hysterectomy.

chicklesstengu — Sun, 24 Jan 2016 09:03:07 GMT

To start off, my genetics are completely ruined. My family has passed down countless issues and illnesses. I myself do not wish to do this to a child. Many children in my family almost die before the age of five due to complications. I've spoken with my family and they agree it's not right to have any children.

This is not my only reason for wanting a hysterectomy though.
Since age nine I have had extremely painful periods. I'm often in so much pain that I succumb to tears. They last a full week and I am unable to get anything done, I can hardly move. I was often in trouble with my schools for being gone an unreasonable amount of time. After all, a full week every month is excessive. Birth control and medications have done absolutely nothing to help me. In fact, they have made it worse, so bad in fact it made me bleed for a solid month and I was miserable. With this in mind and the pain, I started researching hysterectomies. I've looked into costs, risks, procedures and recovery. However, I am young and often hear about those much older than I being denied a hysterectomy for reasons far more painful than what I've experienced.

The fact of the matter is though, that I cannot handle having this uterus anymore. I would appreciate any advice on convincing a gyno and doctor to perform a hysterectomy.

"Psychic" tells me I'll have kids

crazy_catlady — Thu, 14 Jan 2016 06:07:09 GMT

I stayed at my parents' place in Florida for Christmas. Some of their friends came over for Christmas Day. There's this one woman who mom says is psychic. She "reads" people and whatnot. She, my mom, my brother and his girlfriend are outside by the front door chilling when the discussion turns to not having kids. My brother had said on many occasions he didn't want them, and I was also saying I didn't want to have kids. Just then, my parents' friend turns to me and says, "You're going to have two kids." I just smile and say, "No." "You're going to have two kids, and you're going to be great." I just smile again, a bit confused and again say, "No..." Then she says, "Surprise, surprise." It's at this point I just smile a bit more and turn to listen to somebody else who was already having another conversation. But wait a minute, she's psychic, right? Shit, now I guess I have to. Any attempts to prevent the prophecy will only fulfill it. Should I get my uterus or ovaries removed, they will only grow back.

Well that was fun while it lasted....

electriceff — Thu, 31 Dec 2015 04:39:01 GMT

So I apologize if i'm slightly rambling in this post because I am considerably drunk at the moment. But here's the story. I've been seeing this guy for about a month and a half, and he asked me to be his girlfriend about a month ago. We hit it off really well and clicked right away and he was pretty much perfect. Like seriously, one of the coolest guys i've ever met. And we have similar taste in music which is a huge first for me, we have very similar interests in general, we make each other laugh, plus he lives in walking distance from me. We had potential to be a pretty much perfect couple. The night he asked me to be his girlfriend I mentioned that I have PCOS, and he said he had been in other relationships with people who also had reproductive issues and didn't seem to mind. I hadn't yet mentioned that I'm childfree on top of that.
So tonight he sent me a text telling me that he's sorry, but he had done some research on PCOS and found out that it's the #1 cause of infertility, and he's dead set on having a family to carry on his family name since he's pretty much the last remaining member of his side of the family and "can't risk it". So long story short he broke up with me because i'm infertile. So i'm kind of stunned at the moment and don't know what to make of this. I can't believe that just happened. Part of me is really glad that he was upfront about it before we really got deep into the relationship and I kind of dodged a bullet, but the other part of me is a little bit pissed off to say the least. Like, say I DID want to have kids, I can't imagine how horrible I would feel right now. I would feel like the biggest failure on earth because of something I have no control over. Luckily, I have no desire to ever reproduce, but i'm still upset because I can't believe someone would be willing to throw away a perfectly good relationship simply because it would never result in having children. It just baffles me. Good riddance, I guess :/ I just wish we hadn't hit it off so well initially because I really, really liked him.

Stupid people who assume you party all day

silverwing84 — Sat, 24 Oct 2015 02:27:10 GMT

because you don't want kids. Fuck off and die!

Sure, there's maybe a couple wealthier people in the circle who get to take mind-blowing vacations every so often but my life is definitely not a walk on the beach. I get that parenting is hard work especially in what a moral sewer America has become (wave a "family values" flag but don't have a system meant for families.) But well, don't voluntarily take on the hard work then moan about how people whose situations you don't know automatically have a cakewalk life because they don't have kids.

"Who will take care of you when you're old?" ... yeah right ...

kitszoo — Wed, 09 Sep 2015 18:57:50 GMT

OK, I've heard this one, and I'm sure many of y'all have. The classic bingo of "But who will take care of you when you're olllllllllld?"

Story on the news down here:

Mom, dad, 2 young adult sons. 2 sons try to ... kill their parents. Xanax the drinks, tamper with gas line, beat them senseless ... mom got away and called the cops. Dad's in the hospital. 2 sons in jail.

Yeah they're gonna take really good care of you when you're old.

Oh and the kicker? Mom speculated that they did this for the insurance money ...

So is it REALLY different when it's your own?

silverwing84 — Tue, 08 Sep 2015 03:41:48 GMT

This post is honestly difficult for me to write because I'm worried about my friend and I don't want to be a Judgy McJudgerson. But...*sigh* this is a safe space where I can attempt to articulate this. And also illustrate why that bingo "But it's different when it's your own!" is complete bullshit.

My friend already has children. This baby she recently had was unexpected...an accident? But she chose to have it and has been insanely depressed and resentful. Post partum depression is a real and serious thing that's often overlooked or undermined so I'm just trying to be supportive. But she bluntly said she does not like or want this baby, and is contemplating literally giving this baby to a couple she knows who want kids but can't conceive.

I feel so weird about this. I feel sorry for her and I want to be supportive. But part of me wants to scream and use her as an example to all the assholes who tell us "But it's different when it's your own!"
Then one of my other friend's moms said something like "And then once you have the baby, you will never love your husband or your own parents as much. You'll love your child more than anyone you've ever loved before." That sounds sweet but that couldn't be farther from the truth speaking for my friend who literally is talking about giving her baby away.

I get that motherhood isn't some Babies R Us commercial where it's this puritanical "your child = your life" mantra in a happy safe bubble of pastels and crappy children's rock bands. And that a new baby in a fairly large family is stressful. But she literally said, "I do not want this baby."

She's a good person. I trust she'll do the right thing. It's a horrible situation because an unwanted child will definitely know if they're unwanted soon enough and a household full of resent will utterly ruin your childhood. I speak from experience on THAT. Especially when you have this whole idea yelled in your ear that mothers are supposed to be these superhumans who unconditionally love you even though a lot of you guys are child abuse survivors like myself and know this is untrue. But it's confusing as fuck to a child because it DOES get subconsciously absorbed and then trying to understand the Hallmark images on TV, the textbook mommies your classmates have, and the batshit crazy ogre you come home to who only loves you when you act the way she wants you to.

I just feel like my friend's situation, there is virtually no good or sensible outcome and I don't want to judge her. But...so much for that "it's different when it's your own" schpiel. :/

But even if we drop my friend's situation, look at all the abusive fuckheads out there. Look at the people who take it even further, like another friend I have who is a human trafficking survivor. Her own parents sold her off when she was only thirteen. What kind of fucking monster does that?

I know I'm preaching to the choir but oh man. Her kids will be confused and upset if their little brother suddenly vanishes as quickly as he appeared and grow up wondering what happened...a lot like I did with my late brother I never met. But a household full of resent is no better. It's a veritable Sophie's Choice.

What would you tell your younger self?

theauthentic — Sat, 29 Aug 2015 14:03:41 GMT

Thinking about my childhood now while I am writing those lines, I realize that I have traveled a lot as a child and changed probably too many houses before I have even reached my teens… Funny enough to think about it this way, but I if my family has ever had a family tradition it was definitely moving around like gypsies every year or two.

Modern psychologists, NLP practitioners and healers often ask their patients the same question - “What would you say to your younger self?”. Interesting how this question always reminds me of Ed O’Neil at his Role as Al Bundy in “Married with Children” and I can not stop myself from giggling and thinking about all the funny answers he would come up with as you can imagine.

I have to admit that even though I understand the importance of acknowledging life
lessons and finding the root causes of our problems, I could never really think of an answer of my own until now… and it is strange. Strange how now some part of me is reaching out with an answer - I wish I could go back in time to tell myself not to regret for learning the hard way - even if it means living without friends or roots… and that one beautiful night years later, In a remarkable place called Australia, sharing my thoughts with other like-minded people. On a comfortable chair and with a nice glass of moscato at 12.00am, I will be glad and grateful for having lived my younger life the way I did.

My Childfree Philosophy

theauthentic — Sat, 29 Aug 2015 13:36:43 GMT

Children are a blessing. Possibly the biggest blessing on earth – and in no way am I going to disagree with this common opinion. Moreover – I completely agree with it, which is exactly why I think my choice was so important.
My philosophy was a very difficult decision to make. It took a long analytical process and a lot thinking and calculation for me to be able to say that in my particular case it is the only right decision. And even years after the decision has been made I still catch myself thinking about it late at night explaining myself over and over again why it was the right thing to do.

Over the last two years I’ve discovered more like-minded people than I’ve ever thought there were. It really seems to me that many old dogmas are starting to disappear and that what comes instead brings out a completely new way of thinking, new values, new ideals, new dogmas - completely different to those we had before.

A Childfree by choice…

I have made this choice acknowledging the fact that one day it might bounce back in a form of a tremendous sorrow and I am prepared for it.

It started when I realised how many things are there to consider… Will I be able to give all that? Be all that? Afford all that…? Worry about it... make it my purpose...

Money
Values
Knowledge / Education
Manners
Self respect
Respect to others
Love to himself
Love to others
Sport and wellbeing
Healthy habits?
What if the kid was born unhealthy?
What if I have a postnatal depression?
Am I a good example?
Can I afford a child?
Can I provide a good upbringing and a base for my kid’s future in a developing world?
What do I need the children for?
Am I prepared to change my lifestyle?
Am I ready to work for my child for the next twenty years?
Am I ready for sleepless nights?
Am I ready to worry for
Can I give enough attention
Can I give enough support
Do I know how to listen?
Do I want children?
Being left alone with a child - Will I still want it? Will I be able to?
Am I ready to sacrifice my life and my spare timr his life all my life?
Am I ready to sacrifice my relationship and marriage?
Am I ready for the mess?
Am I healthy?
Can I deal with bullying at school?
How will my child remember me?
What role did I play in my kid’s life?
What do I know about children?
What if I going to make my parent’s mistakes?

When a child is unwanted - it follows him all his life.

Something to give you all a chuckle . . . it doesn't have to be dogs, can be any other animal :)

lizzibelle30 — Sat, 22 Aug 2015 02:35:42 GMT

http://www.buzzfeed.com/elainawahl/dogs-are-better-than-babies#.wv177Wr0o

19 Things Everyone Who Thinks Dogs Are Better Than Babies Will Understand

Puppies > Babies.

posted on Aug. 18, 2015, at 2:20 p.m.

Elaina Wahl

BuzzFeed Staff

1. You much prefer puppy whines to baby cries.

vine.co

2. You can comfortably snuggle a puppy, but holding a baby is a struggle.

Universal Pictures

They’re just so…FRAGILE.

3. And you hate babysitting, but practically beg to dog-sit.

4. You are 10 times more excited about meeting dogs on the street than you are about meeting your own relative’s baby.

instagram.com

5. People have tried to sway you by showing you “adorable” baby pictures.

imgur.com

6. And you’re not very good at reacting to people’s pictures of their kids, but squeal incoherently at their dogs.

Warner Brothers

7. You don’t understand why dogs aren’t allowed places that babies are.

instagram.com

8. You get tired of people posting baby pictures on social media, but follow multiple dog accounts.

instagram.com

9. Spoiled babies are gross; spoiled pups are ADORABLE.

10. You feel awkward talking to babies, but gush away around dogs.

reddit.com

11. You have a long list of possible dog names, but are stumped when somebody asks what you’d name your child.

12. And you sympathize with the dogs whose humans have had a baby.

instagram.com

“It’s OK, buddy, I’LL still give you the attention you deserve.”

13. You will go out of your way to compliment a stranger’s dog, but never their baby.

instagram.com

14. And you subsequently feel awkward when you feel like you need to compliment the baby too.

instagram.com

“And your, um, baby is pretty cute too I guess.”

15. You treat your dog better than you’d treat a human child and you’re not sorry one bit.

karlasaenz.tumblr.com

16. You feel like you have to keep your dog preference a secret.

instagram.com

ESPECIALLY around your friends with babies.

17. You never want puppies to grow up, but you really wish babies would.

instagram.com

18. You’ve gotten into arguments about how useless human babies are versus dogs.

19. You’re kind of disappointed this post isn’t all dogs and actually does feature some babies.

FOX / thelibraryisnowopen.tumblr.com

Sorry. This is for you.

reddit.com

Can't get enough cute? Sign up for the BuzzFeed Animals newsletter!

Rant: biological function vs dream career

ktm234 — Thu, 20 Aug 2015 17:45:06 GMT

Sorry folks, I really need to vent. I've been a silent reader of this community for a while now and it has brought me joy and the much needed realization that many others feel like me. I hope you forgive me for writing anonymously. Academia is a very small world.

This summer I traveled back to my home country to see my dear parents and grand parents. Such travels are never resting, as they involve a complete lack of privacy as in some family-oriented cultures where multiple generations live together (they would enter when I take a bath to get something they need), and I become subject to all the whims and mood swings of that group of people, while I am a very independent and private person by character. But I love them and I love my hometown. This time in particular I was hopeful as I was arriving a winner - I have just been admitted to PhD studies at the dream university of my life (I am not gonna specify which but it's one of those with global prestige, so well known in my home country), and from our skype conversations I figured this made them proud and fulfilled. I was excited to tell them all about my research, I brought books and photos and stories to tell. Oh how naive I still am.

Greeting me at the airport, my grandfather said: "you know, just before you exited the gates, there was a woman just like you with a baby, and I imagined this was you and this made me very happy". I dismissed this as typical children-mention I have become accustomed to after years of happy marriage. (We don't want children - we want our careers and we want our freedom.) Grandpa has always been sentimental but he already has great-grandchildren through kids from his first marriage.

In reality, he was merely expressing what has been brewing in the minds of others. Children was all they would talk about. Not a single question about my new university, my prospective advisor or my research. Whenever I'd start telling something there would be a void with no follow up questions, so I'd quickly end my story and talk about weather. (To be fair, this is happening on only one side of my family).

Why such an attitude? Did they actually hope I won't get into grad school and instead realize it is time to breed?

Some context is in order: I come from a very traditional culture where by all standards I m already quite late to have kids (I am 27). Now, with the PhD project and with the prospect that I might actually have an interesting career they came to the understanding that this does not add up.

In their arguments they resort to fearmongering, shaming, supplication.
- You are not getting any younger, it is time or you will regret it.
- Your cousin is so accomplished: she has such a great boy!
- I want to see you have a baby before I die.

Oh, and they also tried to educate me that as a vegetarian I would have to start eating meat when I get pregnant and cook meat for the kid. Wait, who's getting pregnant and when? My mom gave me the "solution" : "you know you could stop birth-control and just let nature take its course". In my home country women sometimes do that if the husband refuses to have children. I was so disgusted I didn't know what to say.

My whole life making my parents happy has been an important motivational factor. They have always encouraged my academic success, so I pushed in that direction and thought everyone was happy. It makes me so profoundly sad that after all this hard work all they care about is my biological function.

It was probably a mistake to mislead my parents for so long about us being childfree. Probably should have told them long ago. But right now, with the emotional toll of a major move, I just can't tell them that we're childfree and withstand the sh×tstorm to follow. I just don't get it why they'd suddenly shift their focus onto children 100%. Why the f now??

I have a life too dammit!

myrren — Fri, 07 Aug 2015 12:56:54 GMT

I'm getting really sick of the attitudes of some people at work. It seems some people think that because I don't have kids that I should work extra hours at the drop of a hat as "I don't have kids or child care to worry about".

I do however have a husband who likes spending time with me, and a 78 year old father who is in his own and needs help with shopping and stuff a couple of times a week. I have a life even if I don't have kids!!! Why do people think no kids = no life?!

Sorry for the rant, I know you guys will understand me though.

creampuff090 — Sat, 25 Jul 2015 03:28:13 GMT

Hello everyone, so I have a thing to share. My sisters are always like "you give up too easily" or when we're fighting they'll be like "I hate that you give up." Usually what they mean by that is this: Just earlier, my sister wanted to play MarioKart and I didn't want to. Now they always complain, I will say no and give a definitive no, but do they take that for an answer? No, they keep going and going and going until finally they get mad or I give in. So I say no and she storms off. So a few minutes ago, I go hey I wanna play Mariokart now. She then says 'oh now you wanna do it?' in this annoying and sarcastic voice.

So I decide you know what? whatever I don't wanna put up with it, and decide to walk away. So then she goes.

"What you're just gonna give up? Oh my god you give up too easily." and I'm like.

"Well obviously you don't want to play."

Her response? "I didn't say I didn't wanna play." And whats worse is, I can't tell my parents because my parents speak primarily spanish I am not that good of a spanish speaker and have no idea how to say give up in spanish. So I can't tell them, and make them make her or my other sister back off.

Update from my last entry- good news!

silverwing84 — Sat, 18 Jul 2015 01:15:46 GMT

Aunt Flo arrived and not a moment too soon. :D I'm sprog-free! THANK GOD!

I appreciate everyone's super helpful info on Plan B alternatives and telling their stories about scares and what happened if they did have abortions-- I think this kind of open dialogue honestly needs to be encouraged because the lack of readily-available discussions on the actual procedure unfortunately gives anti-choicers more fuel in hiding the actual medical realities from women who want to make informed choices. Nevertheless, I really appreciate it.

it's different when it's your own, huh?

writinchica2k — Tue, 14 Jul 2015 19:02:56 GMT

Mom REFUSES To Break Into Expensive BMW To Save Toddler Son From Heat

Don't worry, the firefighters eventually said, "Fuck that, we're breaking the windows anyway."

spaceship505 — Mon, 06 Jul 2015 15:53:51 GMT

crazy_catlady — Mon, 06 Jul 2015 14:33:12 GMT

There's an article on Cracked about flaws in lessons Disney supposedly taught us about relationships, some bullcrap as usual, ignoring most of what actually happens in the movie to make a point, blah blah. Basically, how it makes girls think they should marry young and how it won't work out in real life, which is true. Anyway, somebody posts a whole rant about having kids early which is pretty much completely unrelated to the article. Here's the article, if you're interested, but here's the comment, starting with a quote from the article:

"So really, making it past thirty without a ball and chain allows you to have a super awesome, happy life where you don't have to convince anyone else that popcorn, booze, and frosting counts as dinner..."

At the risk of being vociferously booed by my fellow readers, there IS one aspect of getting married younger that really DOES pay dividends throughout your life: Having children when you're in your twenties. Waiting until later makes a LOT of sense logically. Older first-time parents are usually further along in their careers, meaning that they can better afford the staggering cost of raising a child. They're also wiser, more mature, and better able to teach their children important life lessons.

But logic can blow it out its own ass. First, having infants and toddlers is the most physically draining experience a human can go through. You won't get a good night's sleep for years, and while they are awake, they take up all of your time. You can't even leave the house without enough gear and supplies to invade a small island nation. After 10-15 years of blissful, adult, carefree living, most people who suddenly have their first kid at 35-40 are simply unprepared to deal with the physical toll being a new parent takes on them.

Second, being older and wiser when you have your kids has a dark side. For one thing, because you're further along in your OWN career, you will subconsciously place much higher expectations on your own kids to be high achievers. Face it, it's the 40 year old parents who show up on the first day of kindergarten insisting that their already reads the WSJ every morning while drinking his/her post-workout fruit smoothie. The 25 year olds are just happy that they got their kid to school without having to change his/her clothes three times. For another thing, by age 35-40, you've heard all of the news. All those stories about child rapists and foods that will cause instant brain damage if your kid is ever in the same lunchroom with someone who has ever eaten it. They become paranoid, over-protective helicopters. Meanwhile, 25 year old parents are happy to let their kid eat dirt on the playground, as long as he/she is quiet for 20 minutes.

Finally, at 35 or even 40, you're probably still in pretty good health. But what kind of shape will you be in when your kid is 15 and wants to go skiing with you, or even just play a round of HORSE in the driveway? Gee, son, I'd love to play ball with you, but since my knee replacement, I can't move around so well any more. That's a shame, because, after your kids get through childhood and puberty, they can finally do all of that cool stuff that YOU can do right now. Think about how awesome it would be to do it WITH your kids. I'm not saying that everyone becomes a decrepit old pile of bones by age 55, but it sure is a lot more fun to try to keep up with your teenage/young adult kids if you're 10 years younger.

So, yeah, there are a lot of downsides to getting married and having kids when you're still basically a kid yourself (especially these days with people's protracted childhoods)... but there are some upsides as well.

Um, what? That was out of nowhere. It's like this person was waiting for an opportunity to post about having kids, and jumped on the first thing they read that was even remotely related to having kids.

spaceship505 — Tue, 30 Jun 2015 23:21:45 GMT

I wanna complain about kids today cause I'm in that kinda mood. So today I decided to go to the zoo. The weather was sunny and I had the time plus a year pass, so there I went. Of course, this being a weekday and the schools not being shut down for the summer yet I came across quite the few classes of schoolkids (and their teachers). They were loud and obnoxious and hyper and all the affirmation one could possibly have for ripping out the ovaries. But most of all, they were just so dumb! I notice this a lot whenever I go to a zoo, the stupidity that comes out those kids' mouths. Those teachers, I hope they cringe when they hear their pupils, they should be embarrassed, they're not doing their job right.

I was standing at the otter enclosure and pond (Eurasian otters, so those little ones) and both the male and female were out and about, waiting for their caretaker to bring their food by the looks of it. It was a good photo opportunity so I was standing there for quite some time. The first group of kids: "Oh look! Seals!". Yeah, seals really come that small. The second group of kids: "Oh look! Meerkats!". Seriously? Those aren even aquatic! And both those groups and the kids that came after it were more fascinated with the coins on the bottom of the pond than the animals themselves *facepalm*

I worry for these new generations, I really do. For they will grow up into the dim adults that I still hear spouting crap at the zoos. Like this lady thinking the sharks in the shark tank were dolphins...

Other than that I had a lovely time. Took many nice pictures (baby animals! Now those are cute. For one they can't talk). I just tried to avoid those kids like the plague. Luckily this zoo is large.