Saturday: Patior Ergo Sum
Men cling to life even at the cost of enduring great misfortune --- Aristotle
She found, after her return to the Manor, that she could genuinely apologize for any of the evil she had committed and abetted, for the role she had played in prolonging their grief. But she could not apologize, would not, for the gratitude and relief that had washed over her when she first re-opened her eyes in the cavern.
For the comfort it was to see any living human face there -- even Cole's. For the trust she could place in the Source's logic, in which her life held so much value. For the conviction, even, that it was better to serve in hell than in heaven, because hell wanted her alive.
There was so much she could barely begin to explain to them. Oh, they knew she'd suffered. The scars began that story for her. But the way Phoebe looked at her, like a bloodhound onto a scent even as it wags its tail, she knew the rest of her suffering had hardly begun. Another mind game, another tightrope, and this time, no one to navigate with.
She found, after her return to the Manor, that she could genuinely apologize for any of the evil she had committed and abetted, for the role she had played in prolonging their grief. But she could not apologize, would not, for the gratitude and relief that had washed over her when she first re-opened her eyes in the cavern.
For the comfort it was to see any living human face there -- even Cole's. For the trust she could place in the Source's logic, in which her life held so much value. For the conviction, even, that it was better to serve in hell than in heaven, because hell wanted her alive.
There was so much she could barely begin to explain to them. Oh, they knew she'd suffered. The scars began that story for her. But the way Phoebe looked at her, like a bloodhound onto a scent even as it wags its tail, she knew the rest of her suffering had hardly begun. Another mind game, another tightrope, and this time, no one to navigate with.