A list.
So I said I'd type up Dr Farmen's parenting lecture for Gabby ...and here it is! :o)
When he gave this lecture, he stressed the fact that if you've done some of these things, it does NOT make you a bad parent. It simply means you're learning and working your way through it. A lot of these are for older children (but you get the idea).
Do's and Don'ts
Do's
1. Set limits and rules.
-pace child according to age and ability
-teaching: what's expected, why, consequences, demonstration, watch and validate, and share with them.
2. Always follow through with discipline/consequences (Immediate, logical and/or natural). Be consistent.
3. Give opportunities to make decisions and experience consequences
4. Modeling: how children learn
-children identify with successful parents/adults
-truthfulness
-trustworthiness
-self-disclose feelings
5. Unconditional love
-the gift of grace
Don'ts
1. Don't punish the child's behavior unless s/he can verbalize what s/he did "wrong" and why.
2. Don't punish feelings or wants, just their behavior. It is okay to reflect back their feelings (use reflective listening). "You're angry at me, huh?"
3. Don't use love withdrawal. Love should never be used to manipulate the child; it's never conditional.
4. Don't use verbal abuse. Ever.
-no insulting, name-calling. Makes the child feel unworthy and/or bad.
-no threats and warnings. Makes the child afraid.
-no interrogating. (that controls the conversation - forces child to disclose/child incriminates self)
-no bossing and ordering. Communicates power trips over children.
-no diagnosing and interpreting. Makes child feel manipulated and intruded on. Child will shut up quickly.)
-no accusatory behavior.
-no praising the child's personality. Makes child feel guilty when s/he doesn't live up to it.
The other half of the lecture is on honor. Gabbs, if you want that, let me know. :o) It's good stuff, but I dunno if you actually want it.
♥
When he gave this lecture, he stressed the fact that if you've done some of these things, it does NOT make you a bad parent. It simply means you're learning and working your way through it. A lot of these are for older children (but you get the idea).
Do's and Don'ts
Do's
1. Set limits and rules.
-pace child according to age and ability
-teaching: what's expected, why, consequences, demonstration, watch and validate, and share with them.
2. Always follow through with discipline/consequences (Immediate, logical and/or natural). Be consistent.
3. Give opportunities to make decisions and experience consequences
4. Modeling: how children learn
-children identify with successful parents/adults
-truthfulness
-trustworthiness
-self-disclose feelings
5. Unconditional love
-the gift of grace
Don'ts
1. Don't punish the child's behavior unless s/he can verbalize what s/he did "wrong" and why.
2. Don't punish feelings or wants, just their behavior. It is okay to reflect back their feelings (use reflective listening). "You're angry at me, huh?"
3. Don't use love withdrawal. Love should never be used to manipulate the child; it's never conditional.
4. Don't use verbal abuse. Ever.
-no insulting, name-calling. Makes the child feel unworthy and/or bad.
-no threats and warnings. Makes the child afraid.
-no interrogating. (that controls the conversation - forces child to disclose/child incriminates self)
-no bossing and ordering. Communicates power trips over children.
-no diagnosing and interpreting. Makes child feel manipulated and intruded on. Child will shut up quickly.)
-no accusatory behavior.
-no praising the child's personality. Makes child feel guilty when s/he doesn't live up to it.
The other half of the lecture is on honor. Gabbs, if you want that, let me know. :o) It's good stuff, but I dunno if you actually want it.
♥