Carthasis! OMG!
First of all, Simon I'm sorry. My computer spontaneously shut down while I was talking to you. I'd rather not attempt the whole MSN thing again tonight since restarting my computer takes a good fifteen minutes. >__<
I have Random Proclaimations!!!!
I had a rough weekend. I guess I'm having a bit of a rough school year. Right now, however, I'm in an eerily good mood after having a good day against all odds. There are a million worries weighing on my mind right now, but I feel as if I am at peace with them. I can handle anything that comes my way. Which is why I feel like I'm clear headed enough to write this post.
I'm still not sleeping well, but it's getting better. I did not sleep on Monday night and had a bit of an emotional breakdown at six in the morning. During this breakdown I came to a few conclusions, decisions and realizations. I think it took a moment like that- where I felt as if my life was falling apart around me and my future looked bleak, lonely and hopeless- to really make me smarten up when it comes to certain things.
First of all, I'm quitting NaNo. This has absolutely nothing to do with my not being able to do it. At the time I decided to quit, I had caught up with my word quota. I'm quitting because I don't need another distraction in my life. I know I can finish a story- it's what I was born to do. I am a writer- there is nothing else in the world that I am more suited to. I have the rest of my life to finish the stories I want to tell. I have no need to prove myself, because there is nothing to prove. I am Jenn. I am a writer. These facts are both equally true and undeniable.
What I am going to do is focus on my schoolwork. Tommorow, I am going to request make up projects in the two classes I am more or less failing. And I will sti down and DO them. I've actually been doing my in class work this week and I can't believe how good it feels. I still hate school, but I'm at peace with it at least.
That being said, I am also quitting the internet. Sort of. I've always been a bit of a computer addict. If I tell myself I'm only going on for a few minutes to check my lj/e-mail, I end up staying on for five hours. This isn't healthy OR productive. I'm going to attempt to rediscover the joys of writing freehand, or at least disconnect my internet when I want to write. I'm going to allow myself to go on the internet during my frees and on Friday/Saturday nights. However, weeknights, Sundays and Saturday during the day is totally out of the question. This will be enough to keep up with lj stuff and my RPGs, as well as maintain my website and read fanfiction. I don't need to be on the internet every night.
I want to rediscover the joy I once found in reading. The past year I've been so anxious all the time that I cannot find the calm to simply sit down and READ for a few hours. This is a shame because I feel that a brain grows stagnant in want of fine literature (this is perhaps why I read so much fanfiction). I've got a stack of novels I desperately want to devour, and althought the pile looks daunting now, once I get back into the habit of reading I know that I can easily tear through a four hundred page novel in a day.
So although I doubt I am going to be able to control my mood swings, I can at least take control of my life. I'm sick and tired of my mental illness running it for me. There are things I can do to make everything seem less like a hectic whirlwind and more like something I can enjoy and PARTICIPATE in. I've gotten to the point where I feel as if I can't do anything. This is not true- I am Jennifer Young and I can do anything. There are little things that will make me feel better about myself- cleaning my room, organizing my books, playing my violin and saxaphone more often, reading, playing a good RPG, writing random essays about unimportant things, doing my schoolwork.
God I miss playing the violin. T___T
So, this is the carthasis I've been sorely needing for the last few years. I feel like being me again. I know I've had these hopeful upswings before, but this feels different. This is about making my moods swings and anxieties bearable. I am Jenn Young and I'm stronger than Manic Depression! Ohohohoho! And all that. o____O
So, to my friends: I love you all more than anything in the world (except, of course, caffiene, lightsabers and dill pickle flavouring ^___^) and I'm sorry for making you worry. I'm sorry for being such an unreasonably irresponsible idiot/bitch/whatever. You don't need to worry about me, but I appreciate it very deeply. Everything that happens in my life, I will take in stride. Simply follow your instincts and morals and, well- something happened recently that for some reason gave me a good perspective on forgiveness. Forgiveness is a good thing, people, let's all practice it more often.
And, wow. I'm done. That's it. Whew. ^_________^
On an unrelated note...
I went to see 'The Incredibles' with Lici, Adam and Justin. That was a thoroughly pleasant experience. ^___^ The movie was... wow. It was INCREDIBLE. I'd like to say it's the best movie PIXAR has ever made, but I'm still rather fond of the 'Toy Story' movies. But, yeah- if you haven't already seen it go N O W. And don't just go because it's one of the best movies you'll see all year. Go becase-
(OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!!!!!!1!11)
THE EPISODE III TRAILER IS INCLUDED IN THE PREVIEWS!
OMG OMG OMGWTFBBQ!!!11112232one!12lkdsjfjkshf;wa
x 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000.5
Totally wow. Please, Lucas, tell me this movie is as good as it looks. Please, I'm begging you Lucas, do your fans a favour and make up TEN FOLD for the pain you've put us through in the last two movies. OMG. Why isn't it Feburary. T_____________________T
*dies. a lot*
I have Random Proclaimations!!!!
I had a rough weekend. I guess I'm having a bit of a rough school year. Right now, however, I'm in an eerily good mood after having a good day against all odds. There are a million worries weighing on my mind right now, but I feel as if I am at peace with them. I can handle anything that comes my way. Which is why I feel like I'm clear headed enough to write this post.
I'm still not sleeping well, but it's getting better. I did not sleep on Monday night and had a bit of an emotional breakdown at six in the morning. During this breakdown I came to a few conclusions, decisions and realizations. I think it took a moment like that- where I felt as if my life was falling apart around me and my future looked bleak, lonely and hopeless- to really make me smarten up when it comes to certain things.
First of all, I'm quitting NaNo. This has absolutely nothing to do with my not being able to do it. At the time I decided to quit, I had caught up with my word quota. I'm quitting because I don't need another distraction in my life. I know I can finish a story- it's what I was born to do. I am a writer- there is nothing else in the world that I am more suited to. I have the rest of my life to finish the stories I want to tell. I have no need to prove myself, because there is nothing to prove. I am Jenn. I am a writer. These facts are both equally true and undeniable.
What I am going to do is focus on my schoolwork. Tommorow, I am going to request make up projects in the two classes I am more or less failing. And I will sti down and DO them. I've actually been doing my in class work this week and I can't believe how good it feels. I still hate school, but I'm at peace with it at least.
That being said, I am also quitting the internet. Sort of. I've always been a bit of a computer addict. If I tell myself I'm only going on for a few minutes to check my lj/e-mail, I end up staying on for five hours. This isn't healthy OR productive. I'm going to attempt to rediscover the joys of writing freehand, or at least disconnect my internet when I want to write. I'm going to allow myself to go on the internet during my frees and on Friday/Saturday nights. However, weeknights, Sundays and Saturday during the day is totally out of the question. This will be enough to keep up with lj stuff and my RPGs, as well as maintain my website and read fanfiction. I don't need to be on the internet every night.
I want to rediscover the joy I once found in reading. The past year I've been so anxious all the time that I cannot find the calm to simply sit down and READ for a few hours. This is a shame because I feel that a brain grows stagnant in want of fine literature (this is perhaps why I read so much fanfiction). I've got a stack of novels I desperately want to devour, and althought the pile looks daunting now, once I get back into the habit of reading I know that I can easily tear through a four hundred page novel in a day.
So although I doubt I am going to be able to control my mood swings, I can at least take control of my life. I'm sick and tired of my mental illness running it for me. There are things I can do to make everything seem less like a hectic whirlwind and more like something I can enjoy and PARTICIPATE in. I've gotten to the point where I feel as if I can't do anything. This is not true- I am Jennifer Young and I can do anything. There are little things that will make me feel better about myself- cleaning my room, organizing my books, playing my violin and saxaphone more often, reading, playing a good RPG, writing random essays about unimportant things, doing my schoolwork.
God I miss playing the violin. T___T
So, this is the carthasis I've been sorely needing for the last few years. I feel like being me again. I know I've had these hopeful upswings before, but this feels different. This is about making my moods swings and anxieties bearable. I am Jenn Young and I'm stronger than Manic Depression! Ohohohoho! And all that. o____O
So, to my friends: I love you all more than anything in the world (except, of course, caffiene, lightsabers and dill pickle flavouring ^___^) and I'm sorry for making you worry. I'm sorry for being such an unreasonably irresponsible idiot/bitch/whatever. You don't need to worry about me, but I appreciate it very deeply. Everything that happens in my life, I will take in stride. Simply follow your instincts and morals and, well- something happened recently that for some reason gave me a good perspective on forgiveness. Forgiveness is a good thing, people, let's all practice it more often.
And, wow. I'm done. That's it. Whew. ^_________^
On an unrelated note...
I went to see 'The Incredibles' with Lici, Adam and Justin. That was a thoroughly pleasant experience. ^___^ The movie was... wow. It was INCREDIBLE. I'd like to say it's the best movie PIXAR has ever made, but I'm still rather fond of the 'Toy Story' movies. But, yeah- if you haven't already seen it go N O W. And don't just go because it's one of the best movies you'll see all year. Go becase-
(OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!!!!!!1!11)
THE EPISODE III TRAILER IS INCLUDED IN THE PREVIEWS!
OMG OMG OMGWTFBBQ!!!11112232one!12lkdsjfjkshf;wa
x 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000.5
Totally wow. Please, Lucas, tell me this movie is as good as it looks. Please, I'm begging you Lucas, do your fans a favour and make up TEN FOLD for the pain you've put us through in the last two movies. OMG. Why isn't it Feburary. T_____________________T
*dies. a lot*