Captain of the M.S. Elegante

{ CODE GINGERBREAD }

capn_redd — Tue, 21 Dec 2010 08:17:03 GMT

ATTENTION!

All passengers and personnel are to assemble on the top deck immediately!

[There's no discussion apparently, as everyone will find themselves whisked to the first deck of the Elegante with their weapons in hand alongside the crew and all helping hands from the boat.]

{{ OOC: Yes, everyone is fully clothed with all weapons to hand. Everything living on the boat except the infected passengers and carnival psychos will be present. This includes ponybees, rats, a frantic chicken, Fenrir's pack and the horse hands. }}

capn_redd — Fri, 29 Oct 2010 22:45:34 GMT

[There's no warning. The silence is broken as Redd yells into his communicator.]

SEVENTY-THREE!

..

FORTY-EIGHT AND SEVENTEEN, PARTS A AND B.

RUN, MY HOUNDS, OR I CALL YOUR NUMBERS NEXT.

[His tone lowers as he begins to mutter incoherently, and mid-stream, he cuts off the audio feed.]

Row, row, row your boat...

capn_redd — Thu, 28 Oct 2010 01:37:37 GMT

In the heart of the M.S. Elegante, there was a room. It was a large, simple room, clean and clear of clutter. All that lay within the walls of the room was a simple metal metal chair and a light bulb hanging from a black cord. More often than not, the room remained empty. Tonight, however, Captain Redd was occupying that chair.

The light broke the darkness just above him, but he stared ahead into nothingness. Hands clasped together, Redd clenched his jaw, then looked to his left expectantly.

"Well?" he barked to Gambler, who sitting on the ground beside him.

capn_redd — Fri, 08 Oct 2010 04:52:53 GMT

[Captain Redd's comm switches on, showing a clear shot of his face. His expression is that of resentment and loathing, and his tone clearly exudes sarcasm and thinly veiled contempt.]

DUCKIES, we have a ^conflict of a lingual variety.

Surely after all this time, especially after what most of you have seen and experienced _{FIRST HAND}, you should all know that I WILL NOT TOLERATE VIOLENCE and MURDER on my boat.

I thought you all spoke common, but CLEARLY the majority of you speak IDIOT. I refuse to debase myself by communicating in such a manner to get my message through your skulls, so instead I shall attempt to make my point clear in the native language of your mothers.

[Redd pauses for a moment, and clears his throat.]

Grrrrrrrrrrrr Bark! Bark-bark! Arf! Yip-GRRR...Bark! Bark!

Have I made myself clear? Good.

[Redd holds up a ragged looking napkin, squints at it, and represses a growl in the back of his throat.]

You've all kept busy while Redd's had his eyes elsewhere, haven't you...

[He clears his throat again.]

Marco. Jet. WATCH YOURSELVES.

Joe. Sokka. Hancock. Veld. Vincent. Danny. Jim. Katara. Zuko. Ironhide. Naughty, naughty.

Reno. Lucrecia. Tanvir. Hanna. Moonie. Attika. Ganondorf.

[Redd glares at the screen.]

Perhaps this time punishments will speak louder than words.

[Joe, Sokka, Hancock, Veld, Vincent, Danny, Jim, Katara, Zuko and Ironhide are all punished for violence against their fellow passengers. The following punishments go into effect immediately, while lasting only three days, passengers will experience a bulk of the symptoms during that time period:

1. Sokka will have measles for three days.
2. Joe will have diphtheria for three days.
3. Katara will have lice infesting all areas with body hair for three days.
4. Danny will have rabies for three days.
5. Hancock will have malaria for three days.
6. Vincent will have smallpox for three days.
7. Zuko will have tuberculosis for three days.
8. Veld will have typhoid fever for three days.
9. Jim will have trichinosis for three days.
10. Ironhide will be humanized and afflicted with pertussis for three days.

~~~

Reno, Lucrecia, Tanvir, Hanna, and Moonie will find themselves in the brig for three days; but it's not one of the usual cells that greets them. Instead of being drafty and chilly, his cell is warm. Very warm. The floor is soft and uneven and it seems to be made out of flesh. The only light comes from a single lightbulb that hangs from the center of the ceiling, and the lightbulb is fused with what looks like neural tissue to provide the electricity. A heartbeat can be heard if one presses their ear to the soft, pulsating wall. As for food and water... well, the flesh shall provide. Human breasts grow out of the walls here and there beside human arms of all shades and pigmentations. The arms and hands wave around gently, seeking to touch something. Moving too close to them will earn you a punch or a scratch, and striking back at them seems to have no effect whatsoever. It's just so hot in there, you're bound to get thirsty eventually.

1. Hanna will have yellow fever while they are in the brig for three days, and for three days beyond that.
2. Tanvir will have a severe case of West Nile virus while they are in the brig for three days, and for three days beyond that.
3. Reno will have leprosy while they are in the brig for three days, and for three days beyond that.
4. Lucrecia will have botulism while they are in the brig for three days, and for three days beyond that.
5. Moonie will have necrotizing fasciitis while they are in the brig for three days, and for three days beyond that.

Attika will also find herself in the brig and punished with a bad case of decompression sickness. While punished, Attika will experience no less than three symptoms at any given time, though which symptoms she deals with may change every few hours or so. This will last for the three days she is in the brig, and for six more days beyond that.

Ganondorf will also find himself in a brig, and punished by being afflicted with warbles. When they emerge, the larvae will cause many swellings ("warbles") under the skin, causing harm and pain. The warbles don't burrow deeper into the flesh, but stay under the skin (hence, its scientific name Hypoderma). Nevertheless, when accidentally destroyed by pressure, the larvae will cause large purulent swellings. From the subcutaneous swelling, the warble will puncture the skin when coming out of Ganondorf. The migrating larvae can cause damage to muscle as the tunnels they make fill with a substance known as butcher's jelly. Ganondorf will endure this for the six days he spends in the brig and for six more days beyond that.

~~~

All diseases and afflictions are non-transferrable, even those known to be highly contagious. Any who seek cures and healing at the clinic will find all methods are ineffective. Punishments cannot be shortened due to death, and will resume when the character revives 24 hours later.]

asdfk;jlasd;k2;j9020977089270827890279829782

capn_redd — Sat, 04 Sep 2010 06:07:24 GMT

capn_redd — Fri, 27 Aug 2010 08:21:49 GMT

[A video flickers to life; it's in black and white, and Redd is standing with his hands clasped behind his back in a long lab coat. Behind him is an operating table tilted upright, but the figure strapped to it is too far out of the light to identify.

Redd addresses the camera pleasantly, but... wow, it’s obvious Redd is kinda drunk. His cheeks are flushed and he has a can of what appears to be cheap Chinese beer in his hand. He sways slightly.]

Reuben. My dear boy. Do kindly _{stop that.} You need a lesson in ethics; brig.

[The camera shakes and Redd gives it a flat look before stepping forward, apparently wrestling it from its wielder. For some time the picture shakes and a close up of his white jacket fills the screen, the microphone muffled by the impromptu scuffle.]

Get out, get out. No! Use the other door! The door to the left. Keep trying. ...Until it opens. GO. Beasts.

[The picture spins dizzily until it comes to a rest on the figure on the table, unmistakably Bass, a few empty cans of the same Chinese beer scattered here and there over the prisoner’s form and the operating table. The image jostles, and Bass glowers at the camera, his remaining arm strapped down, as well as his legs. Redd zooms in on his cheek before fiddling with the camera again; the picture goes black, but flickers back on.

Within the frame is a profile of Bass' bare chest, as well as half of another table in the background. An unfinished android structure with long blond hair is likewise strapped down, but clearly inoperable. Redd wanders into the picture, his head above the edge of the frame. He pauses and his torso leans back as Redd chugs the rest of his beer, belches loudly and tosses the can over his shoulder. It clatters against what sounds like a few other cans as Redd shuffles about.

Finally, the Captain reaches over and opens Bass’ maintenance hatch with an authoritative hand.]

Speak up.

[There's a startled sound, then Bass snarls.]

Get off me you fucking prick- What is that?! Where the hell did you get him?

[Redd appears unimpressed and speaks over Bass.]

The thing about robots is that they always go obsolete. And you’re not doing a thing with the hardware you have, so—

Marx said it best, didn’t he? From each according to his ability, to each according to his need and you, my precious lambsicle, are clearly in need of a little—mmm, creative maintenance. It’s better when I’m drunk, I don’t have those—what are they called? Those things that get in the way of fun?

[Redd twirls his hand beside his temple for a moment.]

Oh, yes. THOUGHTS.

[Redd's hand reaches past the camera frame and returns with a soldering gun. He turns it this way and that, sticks out his tongue and swallows another little burp. Without any further ado, the gun disappears inside Bass' chest who makes a pained sound, choked off and desperately muffled. Bass’ eyes widen and he twists up against the restraints. He’s clearly panicked, in agony and he starts to SCREAM until Redd frowns and the sound abruptly cuts out.

It’s so useful having an audio-off switch.

Bass struggles, and he can hear that his screams are silent. His face twists as his eyes stare, unseeing, at the ceiling, and suddenly everything gets a whole lot worse. Instead of screams coming out of his mouth, Redd’s changed it so the Ode to Joy plays instead, in thunderous volume.

Bass’ chest heaves, air passing in and out of his mouth. He looks at the camera before wrenching his head to the side, focusing on the far wall instead, shaking.]

I do not like _passengers putting their hands on my. Things.

[Redd jerks his elbow back and something comes out of Bass; a mechanism, violently severed wiring, oozing oil and fluids. He sets the part on the table behind the camera; a line of fluids trails into the frame and over the edge of the table. The choking sounds grow louder, more guttural.]

I'm sure he'll be much more obedient than you. You know that, lambsicle.

[Redd pats Bass' shoulder with an oil-slicked hand, before reaching back inside of the bioroid’s chest. He catches Bass’ rolling, panicked eyes and makes a fist around something. The chorus of the symphony swells, rises up in a crashing wave of violent sound as Bass tries to scream, he really does, but that MUSIC--]

You did. You did. And you also know what NOT TO DO. So

DON'T

DO IT

AGAIN!

[Redd's hand jerks and Bass screams again. Then he withdraws, reaching for the camera and lifting it to show Bass staring at the unfinished android, eyes wide and teeth chattering. The video shakes violently before it abruptly cuts.]

{{ ooc: The following punishment is now in effect for the following passenger:

REUBEN will find himself in the brig... but it's not the usual cells that greet him. Instead of being drafty and chilly, these cells are warm. Very warm. The floor is soft and uneven and it seems to be made out of flesh. The only light comes from a single lightbulb that hangs from the center of the ceiling, and the lightbulb is fused with what looks like neural tissue to provide the electricity. A heartbeat can be heard if one presses their ear to the soft, pulsating wall. As for food and water... well, the flesh shall provide. Human breasts grow out of the walls here and there beside human arms of all shades and pigmentations. The arms and hands wave around gently, seeking to touch something. Moving too close to them will earn you a punch or a scratch, and striking back at them seems to have no effect whatsoever. It's just so hot in there, you're bound to get thirsty eventually.

Make sure not to sleep for too long! The arms will slowly, slowly grow out of the pulsating floor during the night and attempt to envelop the prisoner. Pulling oneself away will make them retract immediately, but sleep for more than three hours at a time and they'll be back... The rest of the time, they have only the waving hands, the shifting, pulsating floor, the heat and boredom to keep them company.

In addition to his cell time, once he is released from the brig he will have six days of horrible addiction...to hot sauce. He will drink it straight from the bottle, put it on his food, carry a supply with him for a quick fix. Granted, it will play hell on his digestive system, but nobody said punishment was supposed to be fun! }}

capn_redd — Mon, 23 Aug 2010 03:34:00 GMT

AHEM.

Zero one one one one zero zero one, zero one one zero one one one one, zero one one one zero one zero one zero one one zero zero zero zero one, zero one one one zero zero one zero, zero one one zero zero one zero one-

[A pause for breath.]

-zero one one zero one zero zero zero, zero one one zero zero zero zero one, zero one one zero one one zero zero, zero one one zero zero one one zero, zero one one one zero zero one zero zero one one zero one zero zero one, zero one one zero zero one one one, zero one one zero one zero zero zero, zero one one one zero one zero zero.

{{ OOC: A small card has just appeared stuck to your character's communicator! It reads:

The bazaar is quite bizarre
For it has no eyes!

sæternesdæg

RSVP plz

aiatiwnguoryrarialv

ALL MY LOVE,

CAPTAIN JAMES WOLFGANG REDD THE GREAT~~

The invitation is printed on heavy cardstock and embossed with fake gold letters. It looks very fancy. It also seems someone wearing bright red lipstick decided to kiss the blank side of it. }}

capn_redd — Tue, 17 Aug 2010 12:42:39 GMT

So many naughty ducklings in Redd's pond. I

DO
NOT
APPRECIATE IT.

TURTLE-MAN THING! That was very rude of you. STRIKE ONE!

ANNA TWO FOUR FIVE SIX THREE! The world is not your oyster, and neither is Reddy's ship. Keep your teeth to yourself!

MISTER TANVIR HARRIS. That was not through the proper legal channels. Corporal punishment is a thing of the past. You need a refresher course in modern politics! TO THE BRIG WITH YOU!

Chelle Vierren perhaps in whatever place you came from that kind of behavior is acceptable. NOT HERE. Behind bars you go!

Last but not least, BASS. Your generosity with taffy notwithstanding, I am EXTREMELY cross with you. My quarters, if you please.

{{ ooc: The following punishments are now in effect for the following passengers:

ANNA, TANVIR and VIE will find themselves in the brig for three days... but it's not the usual cells that greet them. Instead of being drafty and chilly, these cells are warm. Very warm. The floor is soft and uneven and it seems to be made out of flesh. The only light comes from a single lightbulb that hangs from the center of the ceiling, and the lightbulb is fused with what looks like neural tissue to provide the electricity. A heartbeat can be heard if one presses their ear to the soft, pulsating wall. As for food and water... well, the flesh shall provide. Human breasts grow out of the walls here and there beside human arms of all shades and pigmentations. The arms and hands wave around gently, seeking to touch something. Moving too close to them will earn you a punch or a scratch, and striking back at them seems to have no effect whatsoever. It's just so hot in there, you're bound to get thirsty eventually.

Make sure not to sleep for too long! The arms will slowly, slowly grow out of the pulsating floor during the night and attempt to envelop the prisoner. Pulling oneself away will make them retract immediately, but sleep for more than three hours at a time and they'll be back... The rest of the time, they have only the waving hands, the shifting, pulsating floor, the heat and boredom to keep them company.

While in her cell, ANNA will be stuck in her tiger form, but unable to cut anything with her teeth and claws! She will be provided healthy vegan salads twice a day. Isn't that generous?

Once she leaves the brig, she will transform into a rather irate but adorable Scottish Fold kitten. This will last for three more days.

For six days (three in the brig, three out) peculiar flies will circle TANVIR'S head and shout radical right-wing propaganda in his ears in an obnoxious, grating voice.

VIE will also find that she smells strongly of a dumpster full of rotting durian. It will be so powerful that the stench will cause eyes to water and stomachs to turn. If she tries to wash it off, the smell will become only stronger. This will last for six days (three in the brig, three out). }}

capn_redd — Sun, 08 Aug 2010 02:15:05 GMT

I hate when my afternoon tea is interrupted by news of your restlessness, my little barnacles.

Some of you should know better by now.

Anthony, and Brynhildr...

STRIKE ONE.

And you, Ironhide.

You used your warning, my little rusted pile of scrap metal. Punching people is not allowed on Redd's ship. Neither is breaking fingers.

And Hancock.

You don't think you still retained your warning, did you? After killing a passenger? Oh no no no. Definitely not.

Oh, and I haven't forgotten you, Bass.

You've been very busy haven't you? I think perhaps we should hamper your ability to throw things at others, don't you?

Enjoy your punishments.

[The captain pauses a moment, before continuing. His tone takes on a distinctly sinister tone.]

And Jinx? Jinx, I'll be tending to you later, personally.

[OOC: Ironhide's warning has been used for punching Azula. For breaking Jinx's finger, Ironhide will be punished.

For three days, Ironhide will be covered from top to bottom in live fish that flap about and gasp constantly. They are impossible to remove or kill, and at the hour, every hour, sing "Banana Phone" in an irritating pitch. The fish will remain alive during all three days, after which point they will fall to the ground dead, rotting, and stinking.

Hancock's warning has also been used previously in killing Hades. For hurting Malkus, Hancock will be punished.

For three days, Hancock will be unable to stand the touch, taste, or smell of alcohol, so much that it will cause him to throw up. Should he attempt to drink the alcohol, his throat will close up until he spits it all out. If alcohol touches his skin, it will burst into flames. Despite all this, he will find himself plagued with thoughts of and cravings for booze.

Bass' warning has also been used previously, and as such will be punished.

For three days, Bass only retains his head and torso. His arms and legs are now that of a seal, and Redd has temporarily given him the power of speech once more. It's a shame that it comes out in seal barks and noises. He will also experience intense cravings for fish and nothing but fish.]

capn_redd — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 08:07:33 GMT

Can't a man enjoy a good cup of broth without three little urchins spilling it in his lap?

JINX! That's no way to impress a lady. Strike one!

Danny! rrrrrr, RUFF! RUFF! YIPEYIPEYIPEYIPEYIPE!!

KRUMBLY! Who wants to take a field trip? THE BRIG FOR YOU.

{{ ooc: The following punishments are now in effect for the following passengers:

Danny's collar will turn into a big pink ribbon tied in a bow, and whenever Ganondorf speaks to him the words will sound garbled and nonsensical. This will last for three days.

Kimblee will find himself in the brig for three days; but it's not one of the usual cells that greets him. Instead of being drafty and chilly, his cell is warm. Very warm. The floor is soft and uneven and it seems to be made out of flesh. The only light comes from a single lightbulb that hangs from the center of the ceiling, and the lightbulb is fused with what looks like neural tissue to provide the electricity. A heartbeat can be heard if one presses their ear to the soft, pulsating wall. As for food and water... well, the flesh shall provide. Human breasts grow out of the walls here and there beside human arms of all shades and pigmentations. The arms and hands wave around gently, seeking to touch something. Moving too close to them will earn you a punch or a scratch, and striking back at them seems to have no effect whatsoever. It's just so hot in there, you're bound to get thirsty eventually.

Kimblee's hands will have turned into seal flippers, which he feels compelled to clap together and make "Arf arf" noises while balancing a ball on his nose. He should be careful not to let it drop, because if he does, his face is frozen in whatever expression he was making until he gets that ball back where it should be! This will last for six days total. }}

capn_redd — Fri, 23 Jul 2010 06:57:10 GMT

Snoopy little turkeys just want to see the rain. Keep those gullets open- you might get a nice drink!

{{ OOC: This video will now play on multiple small screens in the Kuma-Ko, helpfully teaching passengers how to eat sushi! Don't worry if you miss something, the friendly bears will gladly rewind for you if you need it. }}

capn_redd — Mon, 19 Jul 2010 01:37:28 GMT

Busy, busy. You've all been up to all sorts of things, haven't you?

Uncle Redd had to go to his alternate closet to strap on his big boots to handle you lot.

LISTEN UP.

Castiel. Ganondorf.

STRIKE ONE.

Ridley.

PUNISHMENT.

John Allerdyce. Zuko. Veld. Xanxus.

NAUGHTY, NAUGHTY.

Enjoy your time in the _{SPECIAL BRIG.}

[OOC: The following punishments are now in effect for the following passengers:

Ridley - For chewing off and consuming Ganondorf's arm, he will find himself made almost entirely of arms. They will act independently of him and more often than not impede any important task he undertakes. They will also pinch him to keep him awake whenever he tries to rest.

This punishment will last for three days.

Pyro, Zuko, and Veld - Those three will find themselves in the brig... but it's not the usual cells that greet them. Instead of being drafty and chilly, these cells are warm. Very warm. The floor is soft and uneven and it seems to be made out of flesh. The only light comes from a single lightbulb that hangs from the center of the ceiling, and the lightbulb is fused with what looks like neural tissue to provide the electricity. A heartbeat can be heard if one presses their ear to the soft, pulsating wall. As for food and water... well, the flesh shall provide. Human breasts grow out of the walls here and there beside human arms of all shades and pigmentations. The arms and hands wave around gently, seeking to touch something. Moving too close to them will earn you a punch or a scratch, and striking back at them seems to have no effect whatsoever. It's just so hot in there, you're bound to get thirsty eventually.

Xanxus - For Xanxus, he is mercifully free of the breasts, and instead he simply has the arms. A crevas opens up in the floor twice a day full of milk if he wants to drink or eat. The rest of the time, the passengers have only the waving hands, the shifting, pulsating floor, the heat and boredom to keep them company.

For all our lucky brig passengers, make sure not to sleep for too long! The arms will slowly, slowly grow out of the pulsating floor during the night and attempt to envelop the prisoner. Pulling oneself away will make them retract immediately, but sleep for more than three hours at a time and they'll be back...

Upon leaving the brig, Xanxus will find he's not holding together as well as he thought he was. Bloodlessly, painlessly, body parts will begin to fall off: fingers, toes, nose, ears, hands, feet, etc. At the end of three days, he will find himself whole and well again.

When Veld leaves the brig, he will spend three days with his own personal raincloud overhead. It will deliver rain, mist, hail, and the occasional thunderbolt to the top of his head.

After Pyro leaves the brig, he will find that whenever he attempts to try and manipulate fire, or thinks with pleasure about any acts of violence, mayhem, rudeness or barbeque, he will suddenly find himself transported into his bathtub. He will find himself suddenly pantsless, in ice-cold water with live pirhana-anchovies. This will continue for six days.

Zuko fill find himself unable to use his firebending powers and hounded constantly by frog-lobsters, which are green and have the capability to jump as high as five feet in the air. They're hungry, won't lose Zuko's scent for three days.

capn_redd — Fri, 09 Jul 2010 02:11:36 GMT

TIME TO PLAY VACATION GIVE-AWAY!

Tell me, audience, how much would you say an exclusive, two-week, all expenses paid vacation to Triegn Fo Berlee cost?

Five thousand rupees?

Five hundred thousand yen?

For your mother's broken arm and your sister's skinned leg, Captain Redd just might consider sending you to this cultural paradise!

Any takers?

...

No?

Very well then.

In the meantime, someone has crossed a few too many T's, dotted a few too many I's, and goodness, has tromped all over one of Redd's Rules.

Ambrosia will fuck with your common sense, kiddies.

HADES, STRIKE ONE!

As for our grand prize winners...

HANCOCK, DANNY, you've won yourself a romantic trip to the ship's brig!

Do be sure to wear plenty of sunscreen.

Also, parsley.

[OOC: Hancock and Danny have been sentenced to three days in the brig.

During that time, three painfully bright suns will circle over Hancock's head, giving much needed sunlight to the flowers that have sprouted there. The flowers are oh so grateful for this, and have decided to serenade him with an identical rendition of THIS CLASSIC TUNE during the course of his stay. Should he do anything to destroy their flowers, two will return for every one harmed, and they will all grow louder.

Danny will suffer from a case of reversed senses. He will see what he should be hearing, and hear what he should be seeing. As such, Hancock's singing flowers will be particularly strange and unpleasant to see/listen to.

Their punishments will continue through all three days in the brig, and for three days beyond as well.]

capn_redd — Wed, 07 Jul 2010 01:11:46 GMT

HRUMPH!

I prefer _MUSTARD.

Bass!
Phoenix!
Damas!
Kevas!
Ridley!
Vincent!
Zuko!
Roll!
Cyrus!
Mimmi!
Isabella!

FIRST STRIKE!

Bass!
Ridley!

Courtesy tickets to the brig for you!

{{ ooc: Bass and Ridley will find themselves both whisked to the brig in separate cells, where they will be kept for three days.

Bass will find that the holes in his chest given to him by Jak will now dispense delicious salt-water taffy! He will be forced to stop for anyone who asks, and hand it out with a smile.

Ridley will find himself doing everything backwards, and in slow motion. All sentences will come out with the words in the wrong order, whether typed or spoken, unless they contain an apology.

The punishments will last for six days. }}

capn_redd — Sun, 04 Jul 2010 10:25:45 GMT

Toot toot my little duckies~

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
ZZZZZZZZZZZ

[Ping! A bright pink glittery vuvuzela just appeared in every occupied room in the ship!]

Punishments!

capn_redd — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 21:28:28 GMT

It really IS all about the Benjamins, isn't it?

Enough of your nipping, LITTLE MISS FUZZYBUNS, I have something for you to wrap your lips around. No. More. Biting! Punishment! PUNISHMENT! It's time to bell this naughty little KITTY.

((OOC: For the next three days, Ben will have a vuvuzela stuck in his mouth via an impossible complex harness/muzzle wrapped around his wolfy head. He will be able to drink, but not eat--and every time he exhales, the vuvuzela will sound. It will be hard to sneak up on anyone wearing that, it seems... let alone get any decent sleep! ))

{ WARNINGS + PUNISHMENTS }

capn_redd — Wed, 23 Jun 2010 06:10:33 GMT

[Redd's voice pipes up over ShipNET. Is it strange or does he sound rather menacing?

Vincent. Ganondorf. Link. Pamela. Azula. Gideon.

Don't think that Captain Redd has forgotten about any of you.

You've all been very, very bad.

Pamela. Gideon. Gullible little bobbins.

STRIKE ONE.

Do you ^hear me? Strike one. Next time is a punishment, duckies.

[He pauses to clear his throat.]

The rest of you? You all know better, poppets. You all know better, and should feel _VERY lucky I don't have time to attend to you all personally.

[Vincent and Ganondorf will cough up a goldfish once an hour for three days.

In the Kuma-Ko, a fishtank has been set up. The sign reads "Vinnie & Ganny's Friends." If placed in the tank, the goldfish will swim about happily. If allowed to languish on the harsh, unforgiving land, they will fade and disappear.

All passengers receiving punishment will find themselves followed by a disembodied floating horsehead. It is partially decayed, but stares with baleful eyes. Even hardened individuals will find it rather menacing.

Should they not look at the horsehead for a few minutes, they will feel the slightest brush against their skin - and when they turn to look, the horse's skinny jaws will be opened wide, about to take a chomp out of them. The moment they make visual contact, the head will return to glaring.

If they actually manage to fall to sleep, they may awake to find the horse's accusing, oblong-pupil'd eye a mere inch from their face.

ENJOY~]

Momeraths Love Ghadd and Haf

capn_redd — Sat, 19 Jun 2010 18:18:18 GMT

[Redd turns his communicator on, beginning a video feed. The camera is pointed toward his face, and he makes a noisy show of clearing his throat to draw everyone's attention.]

Attention, attention, duckies, loveys, poppets and five legged schnoodle-pepper avayas! Captain Redd has a very, very important announcement to make.

[He pauses, staring unflinchingly into the camera for dramatic effect, imagining that every passenger must be simply hanging off of his every word.]

There is a herd of ^WILD momeraths loose in the women's _RETIRING room on deck twenty five! Step carefully, little ones. Uncle Redd wouldn't want to lose any of you to their insatiable appetite.

[There's another pause, this one briefer as he looks to the side, obviously trying to remember some pertinent bit of information...Then his face lights up with recognition.]

ALSO, I've decided to REQUEST that Renovation Head Meth Rezza share her little cultural festival with you all. Isn't that nice of me? I mean really, she was going to keep it ALL TO HERSELF and that simply won't DO, no no no no~ It simply won't.

Meth, Methykins, why don't you tell them what it's all about and how you celebrate it back home, hmm?

[The camera veers wildly, without warning, and settles on a very irritable looking Meth Rezza. Rather than wearing her usual work clothing, consisting of a pair of carpenter pants and a tee, she appears to be wearing something very different. The festival clothing of Askoupurians consisted of a red, transparent veil draped from head down to elbows, an ornate, midriff-baring top, and a voluminous pair of white linen pants, belted with a sash to match the veil.

Redd, however, appeared to have completed her ensemble with a bright, flashing clown nose. She did not look pleased by that addition at all, but obediantly began speaking when prompted by Redd.]

In my world, today we hold a festival honoring a hero of our country by the name of Ghadd, and his assistant Haf. Years ago, our country was invaded by a neighboring country. They managed to get through our defenses and make their way to the palace where they held the Council hostage.

It seemed inevitable that our country would be taken over, and the victors decided to hold a feast to celebrate.

Ghadd was the head chef at the palaces, and placed in charge of organizing and preparing the food for the event. With his assistant Haf, he prepared a feast the likes of which had never been seen, and carefully laced the foods with Hashish and hallucinogens.

After heavily salting the food, so that our enemies might grow thirsty quicker, Ghadd provided them only with alcohol to drink, claiming that it was a cultural tradition that would endear them to their new citizens.

The food and drink had their desired effects. Everyone at the feast ate and drank themselves into a stupor, making it easy for those left in the palace to regain the upper hand, and end the conflict once and for all. Our leaders and soldiers took over once more. The held those in charge hostage until all enemy troops had exited the country.

Ghadd was henceforth celebrated as a national hero, having saved us all from our neighboring country. Each year on the day he held the feast, we hold a festival honoring his memory. It seems illogical, but Askoupur celebrates this by consuming massive amounts of alcohol and drugs in remembrance.

[Meth stopped then, giving Redd what appeared to be one last pleading look. Someone really didn't want to schmooze it up with the passengers. The camera turned back to Redd then and he beamed into the camera.]

Now then, wasn't that simply quaint? I knew you'd all enjoy that little morsel of a story. Uncle Redd has had Meth prepare deck seventeen for any of you who'd like to celebrate with her.

[The feed ends.]

[OOC: In short, deck 17 in all its bohemian goodness, has been set up for a party! Keep your eyes peeled for the following party post!

Thanks to all of you in chat who inspired this event. <3 Welcome to your Get High And Drunk Day Festival.]

{ WARNING & PUNISHMENT }

capn_redd — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 05:49:01 GMT

Mr. Viking fang-face. Yes. YOU. Mr. Eric-I-snub-the-good-captain's-courteous-offer-of-cruelty-free-nourishment-Northman.

Naughty, naughty, naughty.

Captain Redd meant to give you a warning, but you've been such an ^INDUSTRIOUS, busy little bee, that he has no choice but to show you the consequences of your actions.

Oh hoh hoh. I do hope you enjoy this new dimension to life at sea~

[For Eric's attack at Lilith, he has used up his warning. For Eric's altercation with Vie, his fangs have now been turned to rubber. This will last for three days, and during that time the thought of drinking blood will turn his stomach. Instead, he will crave fish sauce as a source of sustenance, and find himself compelled every so often to rub it all over himself.]

{ WARNING & PUNISHMENT }

capn_redd — Sun, 06 Jun 2010 23:10:30 GMT

Goodness. My goodness, duckies. Haven't worked off all your ^ADRENALINE from dealing with darling Jennifer, have you?

Mr. Stampede. Chairs are for sitting. I realize this is a very confusing and perplexing action for your mind to grasp, so I suggest you find someone smarter to teach you how to properly achieve such a result. STRIKE ONE.

And as for you, Maleficent, you really should get ahold of yourself during those times of the month. Perhaps a change of scenery and a chance to put yourself in another's...paws...will help you to understand that Uncle Reddy will not tolerate such behavior from PMSing dragons. TO THE BRIG WITH YOU.

[For killing Wolfwood, Maleficent has been turned into an adorable pink fluffy bunny. She will retain the power of speech, but will be unable to shift into her human form or dragon form for a week days. For the first three days, she will remain in the brig with nothing to eat but marshmallow peeps from Uncle Redd. They are delivered with a note that he hopes the little yellow sugar chicks will sweeten her disposition.]

{ WARNING }

capn_redd — Thu, 03 Jun 2010 23:29:30 GMT

HANCOCK.

My darling little ~rooster~ of ^steel.

That isn't what I put _tables there for, sweet poppet!

STRIKE ONE!

{ Dog Butts and Warm Beer. }

capn_redd — Tue, 25 May 2010 03:29:06 GMT

Mm. Congratulations, duckies. It only took you ^FOREVER to put the bitch in her place.

[Redd chuckles and loudly slurps down the last bit of his strawberry milkshake.]

I mean _REALLY now. Hrmph.

In any case, in a-ny case! Since you all did marginally well, your Uncle Reddy has decided to give you all a special gift. Now, now, I know it isn't as lovely as those macaronic necklaces, but surely you can all make some use of these. I've always found them to be rather helpful. Take a look, poppets.

[A video stream begins. Redd's face appears on the screen, and he winks before pointing his comm in another direction. The movement stops, centering on the members of Elegante's crew sitting at an unfamiliar table eating dinner...]

{{ OOC: Poof! As a reward for locking away Jennifer, every passenger will find themselves with a small green cube to attach on the end of their communicator. Once they do, oh my~ It looks like the comms are now capable of sending and receiving not only images, but video feeds as well! The communicator camera operates like an iPhone or something of the sort, so hold it up to film or take pictures. Videos are limited to thirty seconds, so do be prompt when filming!

It takes no more skill to add a picture or video as it would to switch between text and audio feeds, so most passengers should get the hang of it quite easily. There is a little red LED that shines inside the cube when it's filming, so keep an eye on it and make sure you don't accidentally trigger it! }}}

{ WARNING }

capn_redd — Wed, 19 May 2010 07:24:10 GMT

Oh Toph, my little moldvarpa~

DON'T.

... do that again.

Ducky-poo.

Activity Check

capn_redd — Mon, 17 May 2010 23:40:40 GMT

The following need to post by May 20th:

embattled_angel
phasebitchin
stonesnotsticks
statusunquo
electroniccrane
vikingess
does_everything
meantthecar
sandpaperbreath
oblique_wisdom
ggggentlemen
iwitnessdamsel
morningreport
fightforward
pureallnatural
ixgideonxi
meinxxherz
salsaconjere
internalcage
atomic16

If you need a reason to post, the communicators will squirt you when you end up on these lists! Have fun!

{ WARNING }

capn_redd — Tue, 20 Apr 2010 06:41:53 GMT

Oh my. Oh my, my, my.

Oh dear.

Pass the muskrat, darling?

AHEM.

JINXY JINXY BO BINXY BANANA FANA FO FINXY ME MI MO MINXY--

Oh my.

You really, really ought to keep your hands to yourself, lovey.

Do try to remember that amidst all this hubbub.

STRIKE ONE!