Welcome to my Insanity

My Mother...

calanor — Tue, 31 Dec 2013 23:53:23 GMT

My mother passed away three weeks ago.. and well I guess I'm at a loss what to do with my life.

I was her caregiver and there were days that I was frustrated and at my wits end but I would not change anything.

Helen Bird Reinhardt 82 of Pinckneyville, passed from this world at 11:20 am on Monday, December 9, 2013 at the Pinckneyville Health Care Center. She was born on March 9, 1931 in Perry County, Illinois, the daughter of Herbert and Angelina (Ruffino) Bird. She married Harvey F. Reinhardt on September 24, 1950. He passed away on September 28, 1974.

Left to mourn her passing is her son; Herbert A. Reinhardt of Pinckneyville, and two daughters; Donna (Daryl) Cashion of DuQuoin and Kimberly D. Reinhardt of Pinckneyville. A brother, Erwin Edward “Butch” Bird and Barbara Weslen. Four Grandchildren; Darnell (Amy) Cashion of DuQuoin, Rebecca (Jason) Thompson of Mt. Vernon, John F. Reinhardt and his companion, Poppi of Pinckneyville, Daniel (Lauren) Cashion of DuQuoin. Seven great grandchildren; Lindsay Cashion of DuQuoin, Tehya Thompson of Mt. Vernon, Drayke, Karah and Mallory Cashion of DuQuoin, Hannah and Mia Thompson of Mt. Vernon.

Her parents, Husband Harvey, a sister Eleanor Lunneman and two Brother's in law, Leroy Lunneman and James Weslen preceded her in Death.

Helen was a lifelong resident of Pinckneyville. She was a member of St. Paul's United Church of Christ and active member of the Women's Guild. She worked at the Pinckneyville Community Hospital in Housekeeping and Laundry. She also worked at Pinckneyville Health Care Center in the kitchen, laundry and activities until her retirement.

She loved her family and her grandchildren. And they loved her and will miss her dearly. And they all swear she made the best Chicken and dumplings and potato salad!

Mrs. Reinhardt was cremated. She will be laid to rest next to her husband at Mueller Hill Cemetery at a later date.

A memorial service will be held at St. Paul's United Church Christ on January 4th, 2014 at 11am.

The family would like to thank those at Pinckneyville Health Care Center for their care and their love they expressed for their mother in her last days.

planning for Lubricus 2012

calanor — Fri, 01 Jul 2011 05:48:05 GMT

Train would be nice.. might be a tad expensive.. but would be nice to see the countryside, especially going up the coast from LA to Seattle..

but flying would be faster.. and cheaper..

any suggestions??

Who's going???

calanor — Fri, 01 Jul 2011 01:41:18 GMT

I wonder how tight I can budget.. or I could do the extreme couponing route...

Update on Real lIfe

calanor — Sat, 07 May 2011 11:30:00 GMT

Hello everyone...

well this past month.... year... two years.. has been a very long journey...

My mother has Alzheimer's.. and I've been her caregiver for the past four years.. last month.. She fell and broke her left hip.. The surgery was a turning point in her mental status... I can't keep her at home any longer.. The cost was beginning to become to much.. as well as the emotional toll on me... has been tremendous.

The week she fell.. I felt that I had failed her.. in not keeping her safe... but I know I'm not superwoman. That her disease was just progressing faster than I could keep up.. That she was slowly loosing sight of the world around her and slipping in her own world alone with her past and memories of those who have passed on.

Monday.. I go and pick her from a behavioral unit that specializes in Alzheimer's and Dementia, and then placement in a Nursing Home.. the one I work at. Her complete care is no longer mine alone...

Alzheimer's is an evil disease. Having them look at you and not realize who you are is the most painful thing I have endured.

My heart hurts.

My soul hurts.

Those looking for an update.. well.. not for awhile.. when I get back into the swing of things... I'll begin by finishing one story at a time.. and continue from there.. but until then..

Remember your Mother on Mother's day... and never let a day go by without telling her you love her..

Admin: Please welcome drawbles as well as drabbles

calanor — Sat, 20 Nov 2010 12:17:08 GMT

Originally posted by beren_writes at Admin: Please welcome drawbles as well as drabbles

adventdrabbles
adventdrabbles now welcomes drawbles as well as drabbles.

We hadn't heard from any artists who wanted to play before, but now we have, and we want everyone to have fun, so please spread the word that drawbles are welcome. *hugs*

Purple Wednesday

calanor — Wed, 20 Oct 2010 11:42:32 GMT

Originally posted by thelake at Purple Wednesday

IT GETS BETTER

♥

It’s been decided. On October 20th, 2010, we will wear purple in honor of the 6 gay boys who committed suicide in recent weeks/months due to homophobic abuse in their homes at at their schools. Purple represents Spirit on the LGBTQ flag and that’s exactly what we’d like all of you to have with you: spirit. Please know that times will get better and that you will meet people who will love you and respect you for who you are, no matter your sexuality. Please wear purple on October 20th. Tell your friends, family, co-workers, neighbors and schools.

RIP Tyler Clementi, Seth Walsh
RIP Justin Aaberg, Raymond Chase
RIP Asher Brown and Billy Lucas

REBLOG to spread a message of love, unity and peace.

- original post by neo_prodigy

Crossovers and Slash.. and Snarry

calanor — Wed, 20 Oct 2010 11:38:58 GMT

I love crossovers... if it fits Harry Potter.. I wanna read it.... Especially if its a fandom I read.. or have watched.

CSI: Miami.. , Stargate.. the whole universe.. Merlin... Torchwood... Supernatural.. LOVE LOVE LOVE!!!

King Arthur.. Highlander???

and only slash.. with Snarry would be wonderful!

Fandoms...

calanor — Sat, 21 Aug 2010 09:06:52 GMT

this is bad.. very bad..

I think I'm in love..

with Sherlock!!!

no I don't think.. I know..

OH GADS!!!!

Fic:: Catching the Masterpiece, Harry Potter, Complete

calanor — Sat, 26 Dec 2009 12:23:16 GMT

Title: Catching the Masterpiece
Author: calanor
Pairing: Severus/Harry
Rating: PG...
Word Count: 4395
Warnings: Implied death..
Summary: Harry finds a home...
A/N: Written when I saw this art done by lemondropseven, I was bit by a bunny.. and this is what I came up with.. enjoy! beta by accio_kilt
Disclaimer:: JK Rowling owns them all, I just play with them from time to time. Lemon drop anyone?

Catching the Masterpiece

Harry had fallen in love with the area the first time he'd seen it from the road he'd been hiking. He saw the ruins and climbed the mountain road to the plateau it sat upon overlooking the valley. An old monastery that just so happened to be for sale.

Harry Potter, twenty years old, who up and disappeared from Hogwarts one day with a backpack spelled with Wizard's Space, had just spent the better part of two years backpacking throughout Europe and Asia. Now, amazingly, he stood in the middle of these abandoned ruins, and felt like he had finally come home.

Harry wanted it.

The Gringotts Goblins just looked at him and shrugged. If the boy wanted it, who were they to argue? He had more than enough money to buy it and a hundred others.

So he worked hard to restore it with the help of the locals. Harry found that the area was truly magical, being filled with generations of Squibs and Magical Folk, among the Muggles.

The Goblins came and warded, and then builders and stonemasons who knew the ancient ways of setting stone, rebuilding it from the ground up. Harry hired more locals when he found the abandoned vineyards and orchards. They were overgrown and needed love to bring them back to the glory they once had. To produce the fruit and wine the monks of this monastery had been known for.

Dobby had even found a grove of elfin berries.

Each day he spent here, was another day to find another jewel.

When they finally stabilized the structure, and began work on the upper levels, Harry found his room, his sanctuary. A place to relax. A place where he could finally pull out all his paints and brushes. Just let himself go in his very own studio.

Now it wasn't a life without it's bumps. If Harry Potter had a carefree life, something was wrong. He still had his days.

His friends from England thought he had lost his mind, until they came to see what he had found. Hermione loved it. Ron saw the serene beauty of the countryside and place to put a Quidditch pitch.

Harry shook his head and walked away from Ron, "I'm not building a Quidditch Pitch, Ron!"

Ginny finally came when Molly and Arthur decided to visit and stay for awhile. Molly brought quilts and knitting to make his new home, more like home. She made curtains and rugs. Harry even gave her a pouch with money to go shopping for things he had yet to buy for the home with Giada.

As he watched them disappear, Harry shuddered. Two women on a shopping spree. Goddess help the shopkeepers.

Harry didn't even mind when Ginny asked to stay for a few more days. He told her when she asked that he would be busy out in the fields and with rebuilding the winery and cellar. He wouldn't have a lot of time to be a proper host, just as he had been when she arrived.

She just smiled, and said that was fine. She was just looking for some relaxing time to herself. She didn't need a minder.

He minded when she tried to insert herself as the Lady of the Manor. Especially since she was only a guest.

And then, she tried to fire his cook, Giada, or at least attempted to. Dobby, not a happy house elf, immediately searched him out and informed him of the 'bad Wheezy girl'. Harry sent her packing.

Lucius and Remus came with Teddy and stayed, when Harry insisted. So he could be near his godson and adopted Father, Remus. Of course, Lucius fell in love with the place. And his knowledge of wine helped Harry decide which types of wine he was going to produce.

Each of his friends came to visit, and each stayed a while, Draco with Charlie, and Neville with Bill.

Neville would get up in the morning and follow Harry down to the Orchards and vineyards adding his own expertise in the growing of all things and Bill would grumble about his partner leaving their bed way too early, since they were supposed to be on holiday.

Of course Neville would find a rare plant growing in an abundance on one of the surrounding hills. Not only one, but three plants. A rare fig thought to have died out three centuries ago. Rumors had it that they could still be found in a less populated regions of Italy. Here they were, a grove of them growing hidden and undisturbed.

They found Olive trees as well, which Neville asked, "When did these Monks find time to pray with all of these vineyards and orchards to care for?"

Harry snorted and off they went.

If anything showed Harry that he was meant to live here. One day while he was out and about with his sketch pad he found a large patch of White Lilies, a large stag standing in the midst of them. He stood there stunned, before he was overcome, falling to his knees in tears and whispered, "Prongs...Dad... Mum..."

He had finally come home. And it was blessed by the two people who loved him the most.

)~(

It was five years later, while he and Marco were at the markets selling wine and fruit from the Orchards and Giada's baked goods, that he heard a voice. A deep velvet purr that washed over him in the midday sun and brought chills to his body. A voice that brought to mind the taste of a deep dark chocolate laced with an aged whiskey.

Harry searched out the owner of the voice when he was stopped in his tracks, for there across the plaza, stood a man. A tall man with dark hair brushing the collar of the dark blue shirt he wore. Dark trousers encased his long legs. His sleeves were rolled half way up his arms, revealing lean muscled forearms. A most pleasing sight for the eyes.

But it was not the man who stopped him. Instead, it was the one standing beside him; Albus Dumbledore. A much more distinguished-looking gentleman than when he was Headmaster of Hogwarts. His hair and beard were short and nicely trimmed. The older man was dressed in grey trousers and a matching jacket appropriate for the summer day.

Albus turned as if feeling Harry's eyes on him and began walking towards his stall, his friend following behind him.

"Harry," he said in greeting.

"Headmaster."

No one said anything for a moment until Albus cleared his throat, "Severus, I would like you to meet, Harry Potter. This is the son of Lily Evans. You remember her?"

Harry's world tilted and shifted. He felt betrayed and anger. "Marco. Please watch the stall. Lucinda will be here for her order soon."

"Yes, Master Harry."

The three men weaved themselves around the people attending the days market at the piazza to a street side cafe. Giada's sister, Olympia came out and fussed over Harry, as she always did. Not even asking what they wanted, she delivered pastries and coffee. "Eat good. Much too skinny."

"Giada feeds me, Olympia!"

When the woman swept away, the three men sat and stared at the other. Harry reached out to the coffee urn and poured out three cups. His with heavy cream and sugar. Taking a fortifying drink, "Someone care to explain? First, why Severus is so much younger? Why he does not remember me? AND, why everyone thinks that the both of you are dead, when you are obviously not?"

Harry ran a hand down his face and then through his messy hair. After the loss of both the Headmaster and Severus, he had wandered so long after the war, after Hogwarts. Praying to anyone that could hear his pleas, to help him find his place in this world.

Someone had heard and Harry had found this place. A place to call home. The only downfall was he was alone. He had his friends but still he was alone. He'd thought he had lost his lover to the war. But here he sat, right as rain; alive.

The world had seemed to stop spinning that day in Hogwarts, when Harry kissed Snape. They had been dueling, fighting Muggle style with swords. Harry had finally backed Severus to the wall, his sword across the older wizard's throat. Both were breathing heavily from the exertion of the duel. He remembered staring at those lips, then looked into those dark eyes. Harry could feel the passion and lust rolling off the man. But it was the eyes. Deep pools of dark obsidian. He found himself lost in those eyes as he leaned forward and brushed a soft kiss across the pale lips.

"Is that all you've got, Potter," Snape had growled.

Harry glared at the older man. Tossing his sword to the side, he grabbed Severus' shirt, wrenched him forward, and dropped Severus to the mats, following him down to straddle his body. Like a predator, he followed Severus, as he tried unsuccessfully to slide away from him.

"I've got more. I've got a lot more," Harry purred as he pulled his sweaty shirt over his head and tossed it away.

Severus took a deep breath. It was like seeing Potter for the first time--as Harry; a man, instead of an irritating student. He was a man--all man. The smattering of hair across his toned chest met the deeper trail that let the eye straight down over cut abs to disappear inside low-riding jeans. An abundance of inspiration for Severus' imagination. His mouth went dry as he watched Harry lick his red lips as would a predator contemplating a delicious kill.

He purred again, leaning down, almost nose-to-nose with him, Harry purred again in a husky voice. "Then show me."

Harry shook his head, clearing it before he sunk down too far into the memories. "Would you care to explain?"

Albus took a sip of the coffee and set the cup back down. He looked at both men. One glaring. One questioning. "I found Severus after he'd been bitten by Nagini. He had already taken the anti-venom before hand, but had also been hit with a couple of stray hexes and curses. He was having convulsions and bleeding profusely. I had to act quickly. Fudge and his minions, along with Dolores were walking the battlefield, destroying bodies as they went. You had just stepped in front of Remus when Dolores aimed her wand at him. I did the only thing I could think of. I took Severus and Apparated away. I nursed Severus back to health but, oddly, over the course, he de-aged. The Medi-wizard thinks he's lost 14 or 15 years. He remembers some, but not a lot of his time at Hogwarts. He has partial amnesia at best we can tell. The Medi-wizard tried to identify the spells Severus was hit with."

"A letter would have done wonders, Headmaster."

"The Goblins knew that I lived and they knew about Severus as well. The Wizarding World needed to learn to walk and to fight... and move on... without me."

"Well I wasn't ready! Everyone looked to me. When Dolores aimed her wand at me, Kingsley stepped up and asked her if she was ready to raise a wand to the man who just taken down the darkest wizard in a century." Harry took a deep breath. "I was so scared. Tonks lay dead not far from Remus, who was wounded and dying. All I could think of was that another child was going to grow up an orphan. Then... then, my magic went crazy when she threatened Teddy. That he was an abomination. That he--he would be put down like an animal! I wanted Severus so badly at that moment."

Severus' eyes widened at that for a moment. But just, then his expression became passive again as he continued to listen intently.

"What happened?" Albus asked.

Harry frowned. "You don't know?"

"I know who died and who lived, but that was all. Severus was hanging on the brink between life and death, and I could spare no time for the details."

Harry raised his hands, "Here we are right outside the doors of Hogwarts. Wands were raised against Fudge and his group. I mean, who walks a bloody battlefield where people have died and or lay dying, like they were the victors surveying their spoils of war? Hermione, ever the voice of reason, spoke up, and made Fudge realize that his moment of glory was over and so would his world, if he let his pet toad raise a wand to the very people who just saved his arse, as well as the rest of the Wizarding World's!"

Harry paused, trying to compose himself, calm himself. When he looked up, Severus was staring at him, intently, his brow creased in concentration. Albus followed Harry's gaze, and held his breath.

"I called you mio povero." Severus' deep baritone began, quietly. "Sometimes, Darling. My own. My Harry. But always mio povero. My little pauper. il mio piccolo povero..."

Harry's breath caught at hearing the term of endearment.

Dark eyes were looking straight at Harry as if he was seeing him again after a long time away. He frowned, as he was trying to remember a faded memory. A memory that seem to be just out of reach.

"We would meet in a cottage by the sea. I remember the sea. The crashing waves at night. In the early morning. You would make breakfast while I slept. Bring it to the bed. You would tend my wounds. As I did the same for you." He gazed out to the side before looking back at Harry. "You would carry a small bag with pencils and paints. Brushes. I would watch you as you put colors and life to paper. You always said you wanted to catch a masterpiece."

"I caught it Severus." Harry blinked, and a tear rolled down his face.

"I want to see. Tell me, mio povero."

Harry swallowed the lump in his throat. "He was beside me. He slept next to me. Gave me warmth in the cold of the night. Walked with me. He was beautiful. He was perfect. To me."

"On the outside?" Severus questioned.

"And the inside. He was strong. He was loving. He was and still is, my hero. My rock in a raging storm. Again when the whole world has gone off it's rocker."

This younger Severus studied Harry's face for a silent moment. He seemed to be remembering something.

"Could you trade one face for another? One that hasn't felt the ravages of war?"

"It wasn't your face that drew me. It was your eyes. Your voice. Your soul."

"Do you still see what you once saw?"

"Yes... and no," Harry answered truthfully, as he studied the man sitting in front of him.

He could still see his Severus, though the lines in his face, the ravages of a hard life, were gone. His complexion smooth, and his hair looked soft and fine. He looked relaxed... and healthy. Harry shook his head, and took a deep breath to ease the tightness in his chest. Noticing the look of discomfort in Severus' eyes, he decided to change the subject--for now.

"Do you still brew?"

"I have begun brewing again. My things from my previous life were boxed up by the Goblins and sent here to Italy."

Harry looked at both men. "Where in Italy do you live?"

"We live in Rome. I have a villa there. Been in the Dumbledore Family for generations."

"He means," Severus began, "Since the Roman times. It's old. It took the house elves three months to clean it before we could live there properly."

Harry fiddled with his cup lost in thought. "What are you doing in the area?"

"We haven't done any traveling or venturing past Rome since we came to live here. Severus obtained his permit two years ago, so we decided to take a drive around the country. It's been quite lovely and interesting."

"Have you been gathering ingredients?"

"I have some. But mostly I have enjoyed the quiet and the pleasant atmosphere. Italians are a very boisterous bunch. Wine and cheese and good food."

"Yes! Lots of good food!" Albus added. "And this wonderful Limoncello."

Harry laughed. "Yes, Italy is abundant with good food and drink, as well as many other wonderful things."

"Harry," Severus began, "What are you selling here at the markets? I didn't really look at your offerings."

"I have orchards and vineyards, as well as a large garden planted by Giada. I sell wine to a few of the shops here in town, as well as a few of the restaurants."

Something passed over Severus face but disappeared. "Who is Giada?"

"My cook. House Elves are fine doing all the work, but I have a lot of respect for this woman. She cooks with love. I mean LOVE. If I didn't work outside as much as I do, I would be fat!"

"I find that hard to believe, Harry," Severus hummed in approval. He had a good look at the man before him. Comparing him to the memories he had. "You have grown. I think you had a growth spurt?"

Harry laughed again. "Giada's cooking, I'm sure! I needed to use sizing spells on all my clothing three months after I arrived here." He looked up when Olympia came walking out with a large tray and set it down on their table. "See what I mean?"

"Little Master needs more meat on his bones!"

Albus eyed the fresh breads and cheese along with the two bottles of wine. "A lady after my own heart!"

Olympia smiled as she pointed to the older man, "And you are a charmer! Now eat!!"

"OH bless the Goddess! I love that woman and her sister! She made roasted beets!" Harry placed a small mound on his plate and took a bite. He hummed then moaned. "English food has nothing on this!"

The three men ate in silence for a few moments before Harry picked up his napkin and wiped his mouth, before taking a sip of his wine. "Do you have anywhere you need to be?" He asked. "I mean what's next on your itinerary?"

Albus looked to his companion. "We had thought of staying in the area for a bit before moving on."

"Then I invite you stay at my villa. Its a converted abandoned Monastery. I saw it from the road when I was backpacking through the area, fell in love with it, and had to buy it."

"We accept, Mr. Potter."

"Harry. My name is Harry."

)~(

Albus and Severus were enjoying the Villa. Severus, in the afternoons, would walk with Harry out to the Orchards while Albus would sit out in the courtyard reading a book.

Since it was Autumn, the trees and landscape were filled with the colors of the season; reds, yellows and browns. The breeze had the faintest of a nippy scent to it; a harbinger of things to come. Crunching leaves underfoot, the sun still a bit warm on their skin.

"This is the second year we will be producing Ice Wine. The vineyard that is on the side of the mountain is our crop this year to produce. My winemaster says that those should bring us a good yield this year."

"Ice wine? Isn't that vintage one of the more expensive ones?"

"Yes and the more exclusive as well. I have a chocolaiter in France who bought ten cases last season and made chocolates with it. She sent me a case of them. They were wonderful."

"You have none left?"

"Remus and Lucius live here a good part of the year. They both have a sweet tooth and a chocolate cravings you wouldn't believe. Actually they are due back next week." Harry turned and looked at Severus, "Do you remember Lucius Malfoy?"

Severus frowned, "Long blonde hair? Pompous? Spends too much time in front of a mirror?"

Harry laughed. "Yes, that's him."

"Hasn't changed much then."

"He's changed. He's much more laid back now. He likes to lay out in the courtyard in his pajamas. A lot."

"Hmmm... doesn't sound to me that he's changed all that much." Severus smirked.

"He lost the attitude and Pureblood superiority nonsense. That's what matters most."

"Then miracles truly do exist."

"I think Remus helps a lot in that retrospect. He keeps him grounded and Lucius makes Remus happy."

"Are you still painting?"

"I'll show you around my studio this evening, if you'd like?" Harry said as they continued to walk.

"I would very much enjoy that, Harry."

)~(

Harry was in his studio pulling out paintings and sketches to show to Severus when he heard a knock behind him.

"Come in." He called.

The door opened to reveal Severus, who entered the room smoothly. Harry watched with interest, noting even as a younger man, he must have had that signature walk. Severus looked around the room and liked what he saw. A large mahogany desk surrounded by shelves of books sat on one side of the large room with a fireplace nearby. Another wall was nothing but windows to let in the sunlight and a spectacular view of the mountains that dotted the area around the Villa. There was a large balcony added when they remodeled the room so he could set up outside to enjoy the day or just open the doors to let in the cool breezes.

Only at night, would Harry close the windows, except in the winter or during storms. The first winter in Italy he spent hours in this room; since he'd been missing Severus terribly.

Looking at his work now, he smiled. Hermione and Lucius thought he needed to display his art in a gallery in Peidmont or Rome. And then, there was the fact that Percy was a Fine Art Dealer in Paris. It still blows him away to think the prat who quoted the Ministry left and right was now living and working in Paris with his wife, living an almost Bohemian lifestyle. Well, being married to Luna would do that.

Percy said the genre of Fantasy was rising, and the ones he had done of Dragons and other magical creatures would sell well and be very popular. Even his other works would do well of the local landscapes and mountains. The vineyards and orchards in full bloom.

Then, there were his other paintings. One was of two dark-haired lovers, bodies intertwined, wrapped loosely in a green blanket. No faces; just the illusion of love. Percy had offered to buy it on the spot, more than once. But he had refused him.

Harry watched as Severus made his way around the room, looking at each of the frames. He came to a complete stop at one he called Disappearance. It showed a hand reaching out in desperation to disappearing black robes, just out of reach of the questing fingers.

He looked at the other paintings gathered around him. Some were of Hogwarts castle. A white owl in flight. The same white owl sitting on a nest with owlets peeking out from under her feathers. There were dragons in flight. Unicorns running in the Forbidden Forest. Centaurs in battle.

They were all magnificent. Beautiful. But Disappearance kept calling him back. Along with memories of his past.

Harry came up behind the other man, "Severus?"

"This one," he whispered. "Its you and I."

Harry closed his eyes for a moment, before answering. He had forgotten it was among his works. "Yes."

Reaching out towards the painting with long fingers, "I hurt you when I disappeared."

"I understand now, Severus. Some things are just out of our control. But all I do know is that I still love you. I haven't gone a day without thinking of you. Without wanting to share something with you. Especially when I found this place. This past week I've done a lot of thinking, and Hermione is right about one thing. That life goes full circle. If we are meant to be together, then we would find each other again, whether in this life or the next."

Severus turned around to face his young companion. "Then fate led me here to you. Ever since I awakened I've always felt incomplete. Lost at times. Even when I slept.. I sometimes felt myself reaching out for someone in my bed. But no one was ever there."

"I'm here now."

Severus took a deep breath, he knew in his soul that his next words would either set him on the path of was right or to another road away from this man. And he knew that was the road he did not want.

"Yes. You are."

He turned around and faced his future. "What shall we do now, Mr. Potter?"

Harry smiled through tears, "I thought you would never ask!" he said as he stepped forward and captured Severus lips in a gentle kiss, his hand resting on the taller man's shoulder for balance.

"More," Severus whispered as he drew his arms around the smaller man and brought him closer. "I'm not afraid of the boy who lived," he whispered. "But maybe just a little of the man--Harry--just Harry."

Harry leaned away from Severus. Words only Severus would know. Words spoken when they first began their relationship. "And, why may I ask, are you afraid of him?"

"That if I look away for a moment, he will be gone. Snatched away from me..." Severus held him tighter.

"I'm never gone as long as I live in your soul. In your heart."

"Then I am a very blessed man indeed."

"I have finally caught my Masterpiece. Forever?"

"Forever...," he whispered as he pulled Harry back to him for another of the wonderful kisses he had missed so much.

)~(

Six months later, when Harry finally gave in to Percy's pleas, all his work was on display. But with one exception, a very personal portrait that hung at home in their, his and Severus', bedroom.

Life couldn't be any better for either man, since life had finally come full circle.

But the rest of their story... well that's for another time.

~finis... but is it ever? Never...

a plea for help..

calanor — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 11:06:54 GMT

Everything is under the cut....

I'm still behind in my rent and other bills.. it wouldn't have been so bad this month .. but someone hacked into my checking account.. which is now closed..

I still have the joint one with my Mother. but it's safe for the time being..

I don't like asking or begging.. but I have no other choice.. when I got sick in February, things have just gotten worse.. I can't seem to catch up on anything.. or if I do.. something happens.. and I'm back in the same boat.. And with me being my Mother's caregiver.. and no help from my family..

I'm just at my wits end.. If I have to beg I will but please help me.. I don't know what else to do..

If you can help me.. My paypal email is kimmers.dr@verizon.net

Again if you can help anyway .. I would be most grateful.

Kim
~aka Calanor

to the Brits on my friends list..

calanor — Sat, 23 May 2009 09:11:41 GMT

I've researched and googled till my fingers are blue..

In Great Britain, during WW2, did you have a draft? All I come up with is answers for the USA..

any help would be good.. just a yes or no would be good and what branches they drafted to?

Such as Medical personal..

Thanks

Drabble for Mystkytten's Birthday!! Everything is Bigger in Texas, complete

calanor — Fri, 22 May 2009 14:04:04 GMT

Tittle:: Everything is Bigger in Texas

Author:: Calanor

For:: Mystkytten!!

Happy Birthday!!

Everything is Bigger in Texas

"Harry! What are you doing?" Severus came the front door of their home, standing in shock. Harry Potter was petting a dragon. A great big full grown dragon.

"Mystkytten is having a birthday. I thought she might like a dragon!"

Severus pinched the bridge of his nose. "And pray tell, where is she to house this dragon? She lives in Texas."

"Its Texas. Everything is bigger in Texas. She could tell her neighbors it's just a iguana. They'll believe her."

Rolling his dark eyes, "Harry. Iguanas don't breath fire."

Smiling, "This one does." Harry continued to pet the large green dragon. "Doesn't he remember what they did about the new Godzilla movie? They told everybody that he grew up from a Gila monster."

~finis~

Drabble:: Catherine, complete

calanor — Fri, 22 May 2009 13:54:44 GMT

Tittle:: Catherine

Author:: Calanor

Words:: 529

Summary:: Severus says goodbye to a dear friend

A/N:: On Tuesday evening, one of my residents died. I wasn't there, but her family came to my house to tell me. They knew how close I was to this dear little lady and how I went out of my way to make sure she was comfortable and such. And it broke my heart. But I know she's in a better place. And she's at peace now. Her name was Catherine.. Writing this drabble is my way of dealing with my grief.. This is unbetaed...

Catherine

Severus Snape wasn't always the cold hearted bastard everyone saw. He was once a boy who loved to play and run just like other children. Before his father became the abusive bastard there was Catherine.

A special woman who looked after him as a child. Who always had biscuit and sweets waiting for him. She became his shelter in the storm his life became when his father began drinking and turning ugly. She would hold him. Sooth him. Wipe away his tears. When his mother died, Severus didn't return from school.

Then his Death Eater years came and went. During that span his father died and he inherited Spinner's End.

He returned to close the home and planned to never return. That was until Catherine came to the door. He was a boy all over again.

Now years later, she still lived in that house next to his, but now he was caring for her.

Catherine was hundred and ten now. Her eyes had long ago given out on her. Then her legs and the rest of her body slowly followed.

Severus came everyday to sit at her bedside and read to her or just listen to her talk of family long gone. Of his own childhood and that little red headed girl from a few streets over that would sometimes sit at her table to eat a biscuit or two.

The nurse that stayed with her had told him that time was short.

Severus made the decision to bring his Husband with him and introduce them.

Harry came without asking any questions. His trust in his partner was absolute. Especially when he told him to wear muggle clothes but nothing fancy. Casual.

Harry followed Severus into the quaint little cottage next door to Spinner's End. The day outside was dreary and rainy. Thunder could be heard in the distance.

"Harry?"

"Yes, Severus."

The taller man took a deep breath and looked to his younger counterpart. He explained about the woman. What she meant to him. "Her name is Catherine. She knew your mother and now I think before she passes, she would be pleased to know you, if only for a short time."

A tear appeared at the edge of Harry's eye. "I would be honored to meet this woman."

Severus took Harry's hand in his own and led him into the large bedroom. A tiny woman laid in the middle of a Hospital bed. Her hair was still brown even at the age she was. She looked at peace with the world if only for the labored breathing. "Severus?" She whispered.

"Yes, Catherine. I've brought Lily's son. Harry."

"The same young man that caught your eye?"

"Yes."

The sat there and spoke to her, letting her rest, but her breathing became heavier and slower. Her hand tighten in Severus' as she turned to him, seeing him with clear eyes. "I shall tell Lily that you did good and that her boy grew up to be a fine young man."

Severus reached over and closed her eyes. He kissed her soft wrinkled cheek. "I shall miss you my dear heart."

Catherine, even in death looked liked she was smiling.

~~finis.. but always.. life goes on..

Mini ficlet for Lilyeyes:: One Moment, complete

calanor — Sat, 09 May 2009 06:50:58 GMT

Tittle:: One Moment
Author:: calanor
Pairing:: Harry/Severus, OC/OC, mentions of Bill/Neville
Words:: 892
Disclaimer:: Jk owns it all, I just play in it from time to time. Someone owns 'Music of the Night'.
Summary:: Severus' baby is getting married
A/N:: For lilyseyes, Congratulations on your daughter's graduation and wedding.. I used a half a box of puffs on this.. so enjoy! accio_kilt helped betaed and tweaked as I went...

One Moment

"Harry!"

A mop of dark appeared around a door, "Yes, Severus. I'm in the Library."

Severus didn't waste time as he hastily walked into the Library of the Potter-Snape home. Harry's eyes widened as he watched his spouse begin pacing back and forth in front of the fireplace in his bare feet.

Harry loved Severus' bare feet. He shook his head to get his mind back on the subject of Severus' frantic mood.

"What's wrong, Severus?"

The dark man stopped in mid-pace to glare at his husband. "OUR daughter is graduating from Oxford tomorrow, and then getting married on Saturday. Are you not the least bit nervous?"

"Is there a reason I should be?" Harry asked, confused as to Severus' agitation. "Antoinette is marrying someone you approve of wholeheartedly. Bill and Neville Weasley's oldest son has shown himself to be a very good match for our daughter. She pushes and Joshua pushes back, and they still love each other--kind of like us, actually. I think they are well matched."

"Harry..."

"What Severus?"

"She's my baby!"

Harry blinked. Ah, the bottom line, Severus loosing his youngest baby; having to cut the apron strings. Things were suddenly very clear.

"Joshua and Antoinette have been planning this wedding for a year now. You and Molly, as well as Neville, have argued with them both about everything down to the last detail. Even to that of you walking her down the aisle."

Severus looked down at his hands then back to his spouse. His dark eyes, glistening, "I'm her father and her Carrier. I nourished her for eight months with my body. Its hard...to let go."

Harry got up from his chair and embraced his husband. "Severus, you are my lover, my husband, and best friend through thick and thin. The next two days will most likely use every bit of patience we have, but we will weather it all with smiles and laughter. Tomorrow we will be proud of her accomplishments and we will stand witness as she steps onto a new path."

"She's too young."

"We've had this discussion. She knows what she wants and she gets that stubborn determination from you."

Severus smirked, "Yes, she does."

Harry took Severus hands in his own, "When I bonded with you, I promised you forever." Smiling, "Severus Alexander Snape, I take thee, into my heart and soul. Into my body and mind. I embrace you with my magic and love till my ashes are swept away into the east wind. This I vow by my magic and honor."

Severus licked his lips as he recited his words from so long ago, "Harry James Potter, I take thee, into my heart and soul. Into my body and mind. I embrace you with my magic and love till my ashes are swept away into the east wind. This I vow by my magic and honor."

Watching the emotions play over his husband's face, Harry cupped Severus' cheek. "Now would you deny our daughter, your baby, the unforgettable experience of speaking and hearing similar vows with Joshua?"

Severus had no answer for that. They stood there, foreheads touching, just remembering and feeling.

~!~!~

Severus had done fine throughout the Graduation ceremonies. Stood through hundreds of pictures, smiling in some, stony faced in most.

He walked slowly down the aisle with his daughter the next day. Harry waiting for them at the altar, then together, they handed her off to Joshua. Severus, for a brief moment almost didn't let go of her hand. Harry gently squeezed his other hand, and whispered his love, giving his husband the courage to pass her hand to their future son-in-law. Antoinette smiled up at her Papa and kissed his cheek. "Love you always, Papa."

Severus stepped back, his throat tightened, his eyes glistened as his daughter exchanged her own vows with the young man who had captured her heart all those years ago. He chuckled silently as he remembered when the dark haired toddler had bopped Joshua on the head, after he'd tipped over her toy cauldron, emptying it's contents. He sighed. It seemed like only yesterday.

Together they watched as the magic swirled around the young couple, bonding them, and showing their friends and family what they both already knew. Soulmates.

They ate and toasted, then Antoinette stood in the middle of the dance floor in her beautiful sparkling white dress with her hand held out, "Papa? Please?"

Strands of 'Music of the Night' began to flow through the air as Severus made his way to the middle of the dance floor and his waiting daughter. The play and the movie had been one of their favorite things to enjoy together. They would listen to the music and attend the play whenever it was in London. Even as far as traveling there repeatedly, to see it again and again.

Severus smiled as he took his child into his arms and waltzed her around the wooden floor. This moment was for them only, for in the next few minutes, when the song changed,Antoinette would slip from his arms to her Husband and her own future.

But for now, she was still his little girl and this was their special moment, a memory to treasure for always in time. Harry smiled as he watched them together dance as they were on air.

~finis... but is it ever??...oh no Never...

My My My... it's quite dusty in here

calanor — Mon, 16 Feb 2009 06:31:10 GMT

......Gonna have to polish the place... and maybe a new coat of paint...

but hey... its time to wake up and get the Snarry moving over here... and everywhere...

An update on me.. got out of the hospital a few days ago..

Severe dehydration and double Pneumonia... and it all started with the flu..

I'm just getting back to sitting at the computer for long periods of time..

Mrs. Snape!!!

calanor — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 05:54:30 GMT

Your result for The Harry Potter Husband Test...

Mrs. Snape

Your perfect HP man is Severus Snape.

You like a guy of loyalty and intelligence and don't really mind if he comes across as a bit harsh. Or a bit bastardy. Or if he happens to terrify every child who crosses his path. The point is that under that rough exterior lies...well, a rough interior. But under that is a soft, squishy center and you don't mind at all that you're the only person in the world who gets to see it.

Take The Harry Potter Husband Test at HelloQuizzy

Offered:: Fanfic

calanor — Sun, 06 Jul 2008 06:13:37 GMT

Headline: Offered: Fanfic

Offer: This is an combined offer from calanor and accio_kilt
We will write a fanfic of no less than 1000 words to a unknown amount.... in the following fandom of Harry Potter. Kinks, squicks and special requests will be discussed with bidder/winner. You give us a detailed prompt... and we will write it. Our pairings we write are:: Harry/Severus, Lucius/Remus, Draco/Hermione, Ron/Neville, Ron/Viktor, Ron/Draco, Neville/Draco/Hermione, Remus/Severus/Lucius/Harry. Just ask and we'll discuss it.

We are more than willing to discuss elements the winning bidder would like to see included in the story. We reserve the right to post any fan on our journal's, though the giftee, as well as why the story was written, will remain in the header information permanently.

Contact: calanorlj@gmail.com

Delivery: We will have your story written by December 15.

Minimum bid: $25

http://community.livejournal.com/livelongnmarry/211676.html

Christmas Wish List and Christmas Cards

calanor — Tue, 06 Nov 2007 10:25:26 GMT

Nicked...from lilyseyes and faynia

xposted to both of my journals.... here and insane...

Step One
- Make a post (public, friendslocked, filtered...whatever you're comfortable with) to your IJ. The post should contain your list of 10 holiday wishes. The wishes can be anything at all, from simple and fandom-related ("I'd love a Snape/Hermione icon that's just for me") to medium ("I wish for _____ on DVD") to really big ("All I want for Christmas is a new car/computer/house/TV.") The important thing is, make sure these wishes are things you really, truly want.

- If you wish for real life things (not fics or icons), make sure you include some sort of contact info in your post, whether it's your address or just your email address where Santa (or one of his elves) could get in touch with you.

- Also, make sure you post some version of these guidelines in your LJ, so that the holiday joy will spread.

Step Two
- Surf around your friendslist (or friendsfriends, or just random journals) to see who has posted their list. And now here's the important part:

- If you see a wish you can grant, and it's in your heart to do so, make someone's wish come true. Sometimes someone's trash is another's treasure, and if you have a leather jacket you don't want or a gift certificate you won't use—or even know where you could get someone's dream purebred Basset Hound for free—do it.

You needn't spend money on these wishes unless you want to. The point isn't to put people out, it's to provide everyone a chance to be someone else's holiday elf—to spread the joy. Gifts can be made anonymously or not — it's your call.

There are no rules with this project, no guarantees, and no strings attached. Just...wish, and it might come true. Give, and you might receive. And you'll have the joy of knowing you made someone's holiday special.

1. $100 for the laptop I wanna buy from a friend at work. She's in college.. nursing student and it's got a loose connection or needs a new battery.

2. A weekend to myself with said laptop. (I'm sole caregiver to my mother. I need time away to just be me.)

3. Fanart based on one of my stories. I would adore you forever.

4. Fics as well..happy endings for Lucius/Remus, Harry/Severus, Ron/Draco...

5. any of the QAF, SG-1, The Kindred season.. I don't care if they are copied and burned to DVD.. I'm not a picky person

6. Chocolate, dark chocolate, or mint chocolate, or mint dark chocolate. Different candies from around the country...or world.. No offense.. it makes my Mom happy.. Mmm.

7. Notebooks and colored ink pens.. and pencils...I Love writing in different colors..

8. My collection of the Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter series.. rebuilt..

9. I wanna meet some people from fandom... I can't go far... (and Hope I don't make a fool of myself)

10. Christmas Cards! :: I have cards to send!!!

If you've got questions or feel like talking--I'm always up for a chat!

Email is :: calanorlj@gmail.com

Blessed Samhain!!

calanor — Wed, 31 Oct 2007 05:32:06 GMT

Wishing you all a joyous Samhain!

May this new year be a happy and prosperous one for you all.

Fic:: A Fire Inside 1/1, complete

calanor — Mon, 22 Oct 2007 02:48:21 GMT

Title:: A Fire Inside
Author:: Calanor/Seulwolfe
Type:: Fiction
Length:: 5963 words
Pairings:: Harry/Ginny, Ron/Hermione, Severus/Harry, Ginny/Blaise/Lavender
Warnings:: a Wee bit of angst... and humor...
Rating:: PG
Summary:: Nineteen years later, betrayed by Ginny, Harry lies dying alone until a ghost from the past returns....
Notes:: thanks to Morganlefay1958 for the beta and listen to me whine, Suemonroe for telling me I had a good start and what it needed. And lilyseyes.. I borrowed her Kilts and didn't tell her... Written for the Snape_after_dh:: Prompt:: Vampire

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A Fire Inside
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Nineteen years.

Nineteen years had since the downfall of Lord Voldemort at the hand of Harry Potter. A boy who became a man survived every encounter with the Darkest Wizard of the age only to succumb to an undetected genetic heart defect inherited from his Muggleborn mother.

So it wasn't going to be a Killing Curse or rogue Deatheater that would take the life of the Great Harry Potter. It would be something so rarely heard of, that even Harry himself was surprised, but welcomed it in the end. An undetected heart defect, which no one had ever taken notice of each and every time he had been in the Hogwarts' or Ministry infirmaries.

The healers and doctors didn't understand how he'd made it this long when all other children born with this defect died at an early age. Even he was amazed considering his upbringing, daredevil escapades, and adventures included. It was something that could have been taken care of, detected as a child if the Dursley's had taken Harry for regular checkups as a child.

He had been feeling poorly all summer. Tired all the time. Out of breath. He'd had occasional pains in his chest, which he attributed to stress. And, then there was the numbing in his arms. Then he would be cold during the hottest part of the day. He just figured he was overtired and overworked.

It had been his heart all along.

Luna told him he was dying of a broken heart. Harry smiled a weary smile as he laid in the room that Hogwarts created for him. She always managed to make him smile no matter how bad the situation, or how bad he was feeling.

Minerva had invited him to stay as long as he needed. What she gave him was a place to die in peace. Only a few selected people could enter the suite of rooms that the grand castle created for him. Winky waited on him hand and foot. Poppy came four times a day to check on him. Carefully placed Monitoring charms alerting her to any physical or emotional distress he may experience.

The only distress he felt was when he thought of his ex-wife, and her betrayal of him and their children. Ginny Potter nee Weasley thought she would have the last laugh when she learned that her now ex-husband was dying. She had come swaggering into his room at St. Mungo's after learning of his failing health from her mother.

They had been separated and divorced for only two weeks when he had his first collapse. Just two weeks after his two sons had gone off to Hogwarts.

Flashback::

"I'll still get it all, Potter. When you're dead and buried, I'll get all the money, the properties, land, jewels and heirlooms to do with as I wish! There will be NO one to stop me! I'll even disown that Slytherin Spawn of yours!"

Harry laid back on his hospital bed at St. Mungo's. He would have the last laugh after all this time. She cheated on him, made a fool of him after all this time. He should have known when she wanted more and demanded more, ignoring the fact that they had children at home to care for during the day. Leaving them to be cared for by Dobby and Winky while she shopped and socialized the day away, as the wife of the 'Chosen One'. Harry tried. He really tried to make it all work. Being more attentive and letting her spend money, buying things she wanted that she never could afford before. When one of the Goblins that managed his account informed him the rate at which she was spending money, he realized there wouldn't be enough to put all of his children through all seven years of Hogwarts plus any extra schooling if they so desired. Even a dowry would be impossible at the rate she was going, and the Potters were considered one of the richest of wizarding families with the combined fortunes of Black, Potter and Dumbledore. He'd found out he was Albus' heir after the grandfatherly wizard's death.

Then, one day after Albus and James had gone off to Hogwarts, he came home to find her 'entertaining' a couple of guests; Blaise Zabini and Lavender Brown. To say Harry was upset was putting it mildly. When he threw her and her lovers out of his house at Godric's Hollow, Harry contacted his solicitor and started changing things.

It only took two weeks for his marriage to be completely over. A standard Goblin/Wizarding marriage contract saved him and his children's heritage from their gold-digging mother.

Then he got sick. And things began to happen when the Healers told him Magic couldn't do anything. So he consulted Muggle Doctors and was told the same thing. Only a heart transplant could save him but it might be years before one became available; then the Healers told him that his magic would prevent it from being successful.

Harry Potter was going to die.

And he excepted it. Just as he did on that day when he faced Voldemort for the last time. He couldn't keep cheating death.

"Wrong, Gin. See, I changed things. My children and Godson will be supported by trust funds I've set up through the Goblins at Gringott's. You, on the other hand, will be left with nothing. Nothing except, of course, your decree of divorce and charges of adultery. Our children will also be raised by their Godparents as per my will, and your parental rights have been severed. The rest of your family, of course are exempt from that particular ruling. I have made sure that any heirlooms will be forever protected. As per my orders and decree, they will remain in my family. Your jewelery will be retrieved sometime this week and placed in the family vault."

"You can't do that!" she had screamed at him. She lunged at him and was thrown back by Winky's magic. The house elf was protective and furious at the attempt on her master and friend.

"I invoked bloodline and peerage for the Potter's, Black's and Dumbledore's to protect the history and money of my family. Ron and Hermione, with the assistance of Neville and Luna, are more than capable of raising my children without their traitorous mother hanging around. Making them miserable and feeling unloved."

She had stomped away in a rage after that, leaving him behind in his room at St. Mungo's. Minerva arrived a few days later, offering Harry a place at the castle. The house in Godric's Hollow was closed up after Ginny's things were removed. The children were moved to Hogsmeade with their Godparents, and spent the days, after lessons, with their Father. He and his children and godson spoke often.

FLASHBACK ENDED::

Luna or Ron would walk Lily up to the castle or Floo her into his rooms so she could come and stay with him all day. They would cuddle and rest, and talk about the things Lily hoped to be and do as she grows up. Lily argued at first but Harry persisted, and Lily realized it made him happy, so she just gave in and described what she dreamt her future to be. Harry smiled sadly at her when she said that someone would find a way to make him better. She didn't want to be like Teddy and grow up without her Da.

She knew her Mummy didn't love her, or her brothers.

Albus and James came and spent evenings with him. They would talk and sometimes all three of his children would crawl up on the bed as they used to do when they was younger and just cuddle and hold on to him. They would hold on to him as they were never going to let him go.

James ranted and raved for a week. He yelled and cursed the Gods and Goddesses for what fate had dealt him. Then he cried in Harry's arms. He was still his Da's little boy. Even though he had grown up, James would always be his first.

It was James that he had walked the floor with at night, when he was colicky. Ginny and he fought over using a potion or spells for everything. She always wanted to do everything the easy or convenient way. It didn't even matter if it had to do with care of the children. It wasn't that he didn't trust magic, but it wasn't the answer to everything. Sometimes touch and affection were more powerful medicines.

At night when he laid alone in his bed, he would remember the days after Dumbledore died.

Harry would find himself dreaming. Very vivid dreams of Severus Snape. He would be sitting next to him, on the bed, and they would talk. Talk about the uneasy alliance they began after Dumbledore died, and Harry witnessed the Headmaster's memories regarding Severus and his true alliances and innocence. They had managed to overcome their animosities with each other. So much so, that they ended up in an unexpected casual relationship; a very intimate casual relationship.

If Severus hadn't died, Harry often wondered if they could have remained and had more. A forever more. There would have been no children.

No James.

No Albus Severus

Or Lily.

Then the visits began sporadically, but soon increased in frequency as Harry's condition worsened.

Seeing Severus at his side as he laid slowly dying, brought back images and memories of the past. How, after Dumbledore's death, Harry had gone looking for the one who killed him.

It was only the pensive memories of Albus making Severus promise to kill him. To help seal his place amongst Voldemort's followers. To protect Draco from becoming a murderer.

It was in the dark hours of the night when Harry found comfort. He could feel Severus' presence at his side. His magic remained strong, but his body wasn't willing and he was just so exhausted all the time now. Harry would talk to Severus. Speaking of things that was were never said. Never spoken of. Things they thought they had time to say when the War would finally be over.

"When they couldn't find your body, Severus, I accused them of burning it when all they found was ashes. I wanted you to have a proper burial. It was only right."

"They could not find what was not meant to be found, Harry."

"I hated leaving you. I should have stayed so you wouldn't have died alone. No one should ever have to die alone."

"And what is this, Harry? Locking yourself away in the dungeons of Hogwarts. Secluding yourself away from the world."

"Damned idiots would come act like they are paying homage to a dying King. I've hated the fame. Ginny basked in it. She always got angry if I tried to avoid it, or protect our children from it. James, Albus Severus, and Lily deserves to walk around unhindered, and grow up on their own merits."

"Well no one saw that one coming, did they? Ginny Weasley caring more for fame than family."

"They grew up poor. Even though I always thought of them as the richest family. They had each other. And they had a welcoming and loving home."

"And you had no one?"

"I'll get to see my parents soon, Severus. Sirius and Remus too. The child that died. She was a little girl. Did I tell you about her? She only lived a couple of hours. She had dark hair like mine. But I never got to see her eyes. She never woke up. I never got to hold her, they took her away before I got to the hospital. Ginny refused to have any more children. I often wondered....."

"Wondered what?"
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For nineteen years, Severus Snape was a man who hid in the shadows. He stayed far away from Britain. Away from those he cared for and loved.

He loved Lily Evans first. Such a vibrant and beautiful woman. She believed in him when no one else had. She married and gave birth to a cherub looking child, Harry James Potter. Who knew when the young waif looking child walked into the Great Hall for the first time, that he would grab Severus by the heartstrings. His green eyes were so world weary and sad, but shown with an intelligence and eagerness to prove himself.

And prove himself he did as Albus Dumbledore led him on one merry chase or adventure after another. All the while giving Severus Snape premature gray hair and the urge to drink entire bottles of Firewhiskey in one sitting.

First the Sorcerer's Stone and an disembodied Dark Lord hitchhiking on the Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor's head. It took three Gryffindor's to solve the mystery and a face to face confrontation for Harry. Every year after it was something different, something more dangerous.

The Triwizard Tournament almost did him in. A jinxed broom was nothing. A three-headed dog? He scoffs. A Basilisk wandering the halls of Hogwarts, petrifying children, adults, ghosts, and at least one cat? Give the boy a sword and a Phoenix, and he saves the day. Escaped prisoners from Azkaban? Werewolves? Been there, done that.

But Dragons? Nesting female dragons? All to get a golden HOLLOW egg that screams at you.

Then they send four teens swimming for an hour under the Lake. To confront Goddess knows what!!! Mermaids and Mermen with Grindylows and other magical life that lived in the Loch.

When one by one, each champion came to the surface, and Harry still hadn't shown up, Severus began to worry. Then the Weasley boy and Delacour's sister popped through the surface without Harry, and the Potions Master was hard pressed not to strip down, jump in, and search for himself!

Lily would be rolling in her grave and cursing the ground the Headmaster stood on.

The final task, Cedric died at the hand of Peter Petigrew after taking the cup with Harry. The young man was so distraught. Severus later learned that Cedric was Harry's first crush, not Cho Chang like he led everyone to believe.

Harry'd told him more than once, that the Wizarding World had preconceived notions about the Boy-Who-Lived. First, he was not Gay. Two, he was a hero. He always charged into to save the day. He might have been sorted into Gryffindor, but he was a Slytherin at heart. He knew he had to wear masks to hide himself. He couldn't be the poor little orphan boy. He had to be the hero.

Fifth year and Umbridge. He hated that Pink putrid woman. Her frilly office and dancing kittens, still made him shiver in disgust when he thought back to those days. His Occlumency lessons, for Harry, enforced by Dumbledore.

"He has to block the Dark Lord from his mind, Severus! At all costs!" The Headmaster repeated over and over. At the end of the school year, Severus came to the understanding that if Harry hadn't been so overly stressed by events happening around him, the young man might have embraced the art of the Mind Magicks. Umbridge torturing him and other students with that damnable blood quill. Banning him from Quidditch, taking away the one thing that brought his young charge happiness in the time of death and darkness.

All the while, Severus Snape played his roles in the war. The battles of light and dark. Bowing to two masters. Knowing that one was no better than the other.

When the Headmaster decided to use his impending death as a way to cement his place in the Deatheaters, Severus knew his life would be forfeit. His chance at freedom was gone. But he also knew this would be the one chance to help Harry.

Three weeks after he killed the Headmaster atop the Astronomy Tower, Severus came face to face with a very angry Harry Potter. A very powerful young man, whose magic rolled off of him in waves. Only the young man wasn't angry with him, but with Albus Dumbledore. Angry for manipulating all of those around him.

He finally understood why Severus Snape 'hated him' per say, and had to keep up an act to stay alive. They became allies, after that, with a common goal.

Defeat Voldemort.

Friends in the darkest of times, when all hope could be lost.

Lovers when the shadows became their enemy and blood was flowing and soaking the ground at every turn. In the coldest part of the night, they found warmth with each other.

In the Shrieking Shack, when Severus felt his lifeforce fading and thought his Vampirsm would not save him, he knew in his heart he had to let the young man go. Let him lead his own life, if he managed to survive his encounter with Voldemort.

And at the end of the day, Harry Potter survived. Severus Snape disappeared into the world not to be seen or heard from again in nineteen years, presumed dead but hailed a hero.

Harry Potter saw to that.

It was now that word came to Severus while he was staying in Milan, that Harry lay dying of an Muggle aliment--news that finally led him home once more. He would see his Lover pass on or turn him. It would be the young man's choice. He'd had so few in his life.
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pqpqpqpq
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Severus Snape had been holding the hand of his lover. The digits were cool and the nail beds were tinged blue. His circulation was getting worse. It was only a matter of time until the end, and Harry's next great adventure. But, he could give Harry his life back. He only had to except it, and him.

"I often wondered..." Harry began, as he winced and pushed his hand against a pain in his chest. "I often wondered, if she did something. The baby was too early, and she hadn't been experiencing any problems before that point. The Healers told me my daughter was perfect. Not a thing wrong with her. I guess I'll see for myself, soon enough."

At this point, Harry still thought he was dreaming. It was time to make his precious brat realize that HE was real. Not a figment of his imagination. "Brat?"

"Severus?"

"I'm real. I'm here... now. I didn't die in the Shack."

Turning his head, he squinted at Severus. "Poppy didn't say hallucinations were a symptom..." Harry shook his head and rubbed his eyes.

Severus rolled his eyes. Even sick, his Brat could be a dunderhead. "Harry, listen to me. I was bitten. Turned, three weeks before the Battle of Hogwarts."

"OK, I'll play. Turned. Turned into what? And who bit you? I thought it was Nagini." He reached out his other hand to touch Severus' hand holding his, but hesitated.

"I'm a Vampire. I survived the attack from Nagini. I did not die--because I am immortal." Severus took both Harry's hands in his and held them firmly but gently.

Harry swallowed as he realized that Severus had been alive all this time. He could feel betrayed, but then he wouldn't have his children. He pulled one hand free and reached out with cold fingers to touch the pale face. "You're--you're alive?"

"Of course I am alive--though not in the standard manner of course." Severus smirked.

"I should be angry. If I had the energy, I would have a Gryffindor fit that would make you want to hex me."

"Or kiss you." Severus purred.

"Can I have the kiss even if I don't throw the fit? Because I really think my heart wouldn't be able to handle it." The emerald eyes had a bit of a glint as he spoke.

"A kiss is an option."

Severus leaned down and gently grazed the lips of his lover, taking his time to relish the taste of him. As he leaned back, he looked down into Harry's upturned face, eyes still closed, and lips pink and moist. If he wasn't mistaken, there was even the faintest hint of color high on his cheeks.

"Beautiful." He whispered, before leaning in to take Harry's lips again, just a bit more firmly, as he felt Harry's arms slip around him.

"I have missed you." A tear rolled down his face, as Harry whispered against Severus' neck. "There were many nights after the battle I wanted to die myself."

"But people needed you, here."

"Teddy needed me. And then Ginny happened. Now that I look back, it was almost like a dream... that turned into a nightmare."

"Something good always comes out of something bad, Brat. Just look at your children. They are gifts from the Goddess no matter who their mother is."

"I understand that. I wouldn't trade anything for my children or Teddy. The past is the past. Ginny will and has received her due rewards. When I'm gone, James, Albus, and Lily will be cared for by Ron, Hermione, Neville, and Luna. They won't want for anything. Teddy will go on to be what he wants, and take over as head of the house of Black. James, Albus, and Lily, will share the line of Potter, Weasley, and Dumbledore."

"Which will make most of the Pureblood's absolutely furious."

"Sirius will have his last laugh and so will I. Ginny wanted us to refurnish Black Villa and live there in the summers. She tried to behind my back, but the Goblins never cared for her. Never took any orders from her either."

"Funny thing--Fate. It makes things even out. She is no longer your concern. Wipe her from your thoughts. A time for a new beginning is here."

"What do you mean, Severus?"

"Do you remember when we first made love?"

"Yes, we had fought over me going after one of the Horcruxes alone . You told me I was being foolish and acting like a Gryffindor. You pushed me up against the wall and it just hit us. I'd never felt anything like that before. Or with anyone else, after."

"What did you feel?"

"Like my magic was singing. Happy. Intoxicated. You were my drug and I couldn't get enough." Harry snorted. "And if you had been a woman, you would have been pregnant after we'd done nothing but have sex, eat, and sleep for five days straight."

If Severus had been alive, the normally snarky man would have been blushing. "Yes, well we had been dancing around each other for weeks. But that's not the point I was making."

"Severus, get to the point."

"Our magic." He took his hand and rubbed Harry's arm, then trailed a finger down the soft cool cheek. A twirl of magic... gold and silver, followed that finger as he touched his lover. "It comes alive when we touch."

"What does that mean?"

"Don't you know?" Severus leaned over him again. Green tired eyes gazed back into deep pools of onyx. He grazed the cool lips and bits of electricity sparked between them. "You are my soulmate, Harry Potter. I cannot bare to watch you die, my precious Brat."

"Severus, I'm so very tired. I have fought all my life. There are no more options. "

"Yes there is. Let me turn you."

"But....my children... would they except me?"

"Do it Da! I don't want you to die."

Harry and Severus looked up at the figure that appeared at the end of the Harry's four poster bed. James was a mini-Harry from his messy hair, tear filled green eyes, glasses and lanky form.

Harry held out his arms, "Come here, Jamie. Come to Da."

James didn't need asking twice. He dropped the cloak and flew into his father's arms. "I love you, Da. Please don't leave me!"

"What about Albus and Lily? Would they accept me if I took this path?" Severus laid a hand on Harry's arm to give silent support. "The three of you are my life. Would you accept the fact..."

"Doesn't matter." James patted his father's chest, "Right here, is what matters. Being a Vampire doesn't mean you're evil. Choices Da. You always told us it was our choices that decide right from wrong. You'll always be the Chosen One, Harry Potter, second. But my Da first."

"He's right, Da."

Harry looked up and saw his other two children, Albus and Lily, standing just inside the room. Minerva was in the doorway dressed in her Tartan gown, tears rolling down her face. Behind her, he could see more people. A red head passed by the doorway. When had his rooms become King's Cross Station.

"Auntie Mione said that short of a miracle, you will die and leave us."

Lily was every bit of her namesake. Green eyes and long auburn hair with a dash of stubbornness and a hot temper. She looked so innocent standing there holding Albus' hand and clutching her favorite stuffed dragon, Sparks, a gift from her Unca' Charlie.

"I don't want you to leave. I don't want to visit a white box, like Grandpa Albus is in. I want you!"

"We all agree, Da. If it means you being a Vampire. We don't care." Albus stood tall and brave next to his sister.

"What about Severus?"

Lily looked to her two brothers, and then to the dark man sitting at her Da's bedside. "Well I think he's pretty."

Severus' eyebrow rose. "Indeed. My Brat, she has your Mother's tongue."

"I say we keep him," Jamie said from his father's side.

"Oi! Harry! Say yes or no before the sun rises, I would like to get some sleep tonight!" Ron yelled from the other room. Then they heard a smack.

"Really Ron! They are having a moment!" Came Hermione's irritated voice, causing several smiles and snickers, including Harry's.

"Severus?" Harry waited till he had his lover's attention. "We're a package deal."

"I would not have offered if I had not already accepted the consequences I would incur." Severus ran his fingers through the tousled hair of his lover, "But we must turn you tonight."

Worried eyes turned towards Severus, "Why?"

"The castle summoned your loved ones, Harry because your life force is fading. Lady Hogwarts has even supplied us with fresh blood packets for your first feeding."

"Tonight, then. " Harry's eyes held a resolve as he gazed at Severus.

"And I expect a proper bonding, Severus Quinlan Snape," Minerva said as she ushered the children out of the room. Each gave their Da a hug and kiss before they padded out of the room. The main door closed and both men felt the wards go up around the quarters.

Severus stood up from the chair he had been occupying, to levitate it away, "It will hurt for a moment, Love. But then it will be all pleasure. I promise."

Harry glared at Severus, the vision of someone else touching the man, that wasn't him angered him, "Who turned you?" he growled.

Severus sighed. "One of Voldemort's allies. He took an interest in me."

"He wanted a pet." Harry's eyes glowed with power. "Is he dead?"

"Yes, your Wolf ripped him to shreds during a skirmish a week later. "

Severus removed the black trench coat he wore and settled on a cozy chair off to the side. He started to unbutton his dark blue poet's shirt and then slipped it off his arms, waving it towards his coat. He toed off his boots then slipped into the warm cozy bed beside Harry. He gathered the weak man in his strong arms and basked.

This is what he missed. The holding. The love. The closeness. The connection of being with another soul. Their magic swirling and joining together. Tonight, they would join and no one would ever tear them apart, again! He pushed Harry's hair back from his neck, pulled the shirt down exposing it further. He could smell his blood, pumping slowly under the skin. His heartbeat was slow and irregular. "I will drain you to the point your heart will stop beating. You will be on the verge of life and death, there you will make a choice. Crossover or return here and finish the change. You will then drink from me and then drink from the blood packets. When you are stronger, I will take you on the hunt and explain things more to you then. " Severus took a deep breath, "Are you ready?"

Harry took a deep wavering breathe. He was so weak. He was so cold. Reaching up, he twined his fingers in the long dark hair that draped over Severus' shoulder. His voice was not much more than a gasp. "Yes. Do it now. Please!"

Severus opened his mouth, letting his fangs descend. Harry could see the candlelight glint off the sharp tips. He held himself still, telling himself that this man would never hurt him. Closing his eyes, he turned his head and leaned it back, to expose more of it to Severus.

He leaned down and sniffed. He could smell the sweet tang of blood pumping just below the surface of Harry's skin. There was a fire inside of his lover. A flame that would not or could not burn out. He was a light into itself. What more could he want?

Forever.

To continue to live.

"Severus? Now, I can feel my life..."

Severus needed no more encouragement as he sunk his fangs into the throat of his lover, and tasted the warm blood as it covered his tongue. He drank his fill and drank more. He listened as the heartbeat slowed and then stopped. Severus bit into his wrist, bringing blood up to the surface. He brought his wrist up to Harry's mouth and then he waited.
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Harry opened his eyes and looked around. Where was he? He lay on a comfortable sofa, in a room that was decorated simply and for comfort. It had a very inviting air about it. He could hear birds singing, and the bark of a dog accompanied by the squeal of a young child. Sitting up slowly, he continued to look around.

The door opened, and in stepped a man with messy hair, a woman with long red hair carrying a small child, and another man with graying sandy brown hair.

"Ah, he's awake."

Harry rubbed his eyes behind his glasses, and looked again. Standing quickly, he frowned, he realized where he was and who was speaking.

"Dad?" He asked tentatively, not really ready to believe his eyes.

"Hello, son."

"Mum?"

"Hello, Harry Bear."

"Remus!"

"Hiya Harry. Long time no see."

"I'm not suppose to die."

"You haven't," Lily said. "You're standing on that precipice--the moment where you make your decision."

"Whether to stay here with us, or go back and have a second chance at a healthy life. One filled with love, and your children." Remus added.

"I'm glad you made peace with Severus."

"Dad, you're not angry?"

"Of course not. We've been here long enough and all is revealed here. I realized my mistakes a long time ago."

Harry opened his mouth to say something, but James held his hand up to forestall him. "No. I don't have a problem with your preference, or your choice of mate. I--we--just want you to finally be happy."

"You've been through enough, Harry Bear. Would you like to meet your daughter?" Lily turned her body a bit to give Harry a better look at the child in her arms. The child looked like his little Lily as a toddler, except with dark wild hair like his. She had bright bluish - green eyes and his nose.

"Is that--?"

"This is Rosie. Say hello to your Da, Rosie."

Harry reached out with shaking fingers and brushed the curled fringe back from the chubby child's face. "I never got to hold her. Then during the divorce, Gin made a point to say that she wasn't mine. But in my heart I knew she was."

Lily held Rosie out to Harry. "You can hold her now."

Harry carefully lifted his daughter from her grandmother's arms, and hugged her to him, burying his face in the messy hair so like his own. Tears ran freely down his cheeks as he kissed her and held her. James, Lily, and Remus surrounded him and enveloped him and Rosie in a family hug.

"I've missed you all terribly."

"Sirius would have been here, but he and Tonks are meeting someone else today," Remus added. "You've done well with Teddy. You've done well, filling in for me. Thank you."

Rosie patted her Da's face as she leaned up and made baby kissy sounds, then she gave him a open slobbery kiss on his cheek. He smiled down at her and kissed her cheek.

"You would have been beautiful young woman, Rosie. Your Granddad and Grams Weasley would have spoiled you rotten." Tears ran down his face as she was lifted from his arms, by her grandfather.

"You have to go back, Harry. Severus is waiting, and he's been waiting an awfully long time for you."

"But--" He reached out toward his daughter as he looked at all of them with pleading eyes.

Remus stepped forward and put a hand on his arm. "Harry, she is safe here. She can even grow a bit older, if her magic wants it. We will all be here waiting for when it is truly your time. The Goddess and Karma have given you another chance. Take it please, for all of us."

"We love you, Harry Bear. Give the children hugs and kisses for us." His Mum blew kisses at him as his Dad and Remus waved. Rosie squealed and waved both arms.

"I love all of you." Harry nodded, as he realized he could taste blood, and Godric's Hollow and his loved ones faded away.
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Severus was getting anxious. It shouldn't take this long, even though it was only a fleeting moment. His breath caught in his chest. Harry had crossed over and stayed with those he lost. Then he felt Harry's lips against his wrist, his tongue pressing against the punctures to draw out the blood.

"Easy love. Drink slowly."

The thirst was overwhelming. A burning in his chest. In his soul. The taste was metallic and dark. Sweet and complex. He could feel Severus flow through his veins, through his broken soul. His aches and pains were disappearing.

He felt stronger. He opened his eyes, "Hello, Severus," he said as he smiled weakly. "Is this the beginning of forever?"

"Forever, Harry. Or until you chose to leave this existence. Then I will sit beside you as the sun rises in the East."

"So be it."

"So mote it be."

Harry giggled as his eye lids began to droop.

"What do you find so funny?"

"Minerva said a proper bonding. Does that mean, we have to wear Kilts?"

Severus scowled at his young mate. "I don't find that funny, Mr. Potter."

"But you have such sexy legs, Mr. Snape!"

Severus continued to scowl and Harry giggled as he settled down beside his mate. Both men would now sleep till the sun set and then awaken to a new day and a new future.
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Minerva McGonagall, indeed planned the bonding with the help of Molly Weasley. With much shouting and grumbling, Severus Snape, newly reinstated by the Ministry of Magic, as not among the dead and the recipient of a shiny new Order of Merlin First Class, was indeed wearing a Kilt.

But that my friends is another story for another day......

~finis~ but is it ever?

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A/N:: now off to work on my Snarry Holidays fest fic and then back to my other WIP's!!!!

Fest Fics..

calanor — Sun, 23 Sep 2007 09:25:32 GMT

I'm trying!!! Honest to god.. but the darn thing wants to be like a GODZILLA!!! I keep trying out different bunnies.. and OH NO...it wants more.. it's wants to grow.. and grow... *headdesk*

please tell me others have this problem!!

It's my first real big fest fic... *whimpers*

You don't think my recipient's would mind if it was a big story????

Happy Birthday!!

calanor — Sat, 08 Sep 2007 08:05:22 GMT

Happy Birthday ladybelz

Hope you have a good one!!

Bring back the porn..

calanor — Sat, 25 Aug 2007 14:10:03 GMT

Okay.. my lovely F-list.. give me some prompts to work with..

Snarry is preferred.. POST Hogwarts...

Remus/Lucius.. is good..

Ron/Draco.. is good..

Even a Non-magic would be good..

I'll check back before I go to work.. and see what everyone's ideas are..

A bit of Research

calanor — Sun, 19 Aug 2007 08:48:30 GMT

When a girl goes to boarding school in England.. UK.... where does she go???

I know the most popular for the boys is Eton..

Is the schooling for Baristers (sp?) and lawyers the same???

Is medical schooling the same as well??? in both Countries???

and one more...

if you were to buy a book.. what storyline intrigues you the most.. Would you read a story with a threesome???

Vids..

calanor — Wed, 15 Aug 2007 05:35:32 GMT

Can someone point me to places I can download Fan Vids... from the Smallville and Stargate fandoms.. and of course Harry Potter???