Won't be around forever, girl

caithream @ 2015-12-28T23:11:00

2015-12-29T04:11:45Z

Oh goodness gracious. This really has to stop. Flaking out on LJ posting, I mean! I've thought about doing it a lot, recently, but I was just reading some of my old entries and felt the need. Theraputic, Sarah! Do the thing!

In re-reading my old posts, it's struck me again how INCREDIBLY important having a stable job is for me. Like, all of my entries are job-centered. Honest to God, I would not wish what I went through in NYC on anyone. And speaking of jobs, lets talk about the one that I still have from earlier posts! Almost a full year in this position, and it's not Starbucks! Amazing! And, let me be real, I am goddamn AMAZING at my job. I mean it. My official title is "Talent Coordinator" and, as you would imagine, I coordinate talents. I manage a very detailed calendar and coordinate internally with my team, the voice talents, and clients. It's very very stressful at times, but a challenge, and I like a challenge. We recently had our company Christmas party, and I was awarded the "nulli secundus" award (second to none.) Essentially, I've been with the company for less than a year, and I've done such a damn good job that they recognized it in front of the entire company, with a huge gift basket and an etched glass award to boot. I don't mean to sound so conceited, but I work HARD and am meticulous to the point of being obsessive, so I don't mind if I pat myself on the back. It's just nice to work somewhere where I feel useful and can actually make a difference.

Life is life. Still living with my parents, and wouldn't you know - my sister just experienced the same thing I went through last year. She was unable to find a good, steady job, so she had to move out of Florida and come home. So now it's four 26+ adults living in the same household... we've had to make boundries, lol. It's all good though. No explosive fights yet.

Let's see... 2015 was not bad at all for me. Quite good, actually. Steady job, way more money than I've EVER made, family very close by, some good trips... not bad. 2016 will be interesting. I've already got a flight booked to Iceland (!!!!!!!!!!!!!) in May. This is my dream trip and I am SO excited. There's also a very good possibility that I may be moving back up to NYC? I've got my foot in the door and very very good connections with a large company there. I've even already had an informal interview. But. We'll see! I'm not going to push anything this time around. Once bitten, twice shy.

Anywho... past my bedtime! Next time, I'll check in sooner. <3

caithream @ 2015-05-03T22:57:00

2015-05-04T02:57:08Z

WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE YOU GUYS

W H A T A T I M E

If you would have told me (or fandom) in 2008 that in 2015 we would be getting shit like this?? That J2 work together for 14 hour days 9 months out of the year and then MOVED NEXT DOOR TO EACH OTHER??? IN AUSTIN???? AND THEIR FAMILIES CONSTANTLY HANG OUT AND DO STUPID SHIT LIKE TOUGH MUDDER TOGETHER????????? I would have said no it cannot possibly be, because I will dissolve into unicorn rainbow vomit out of sheer joy.

WELL GUESS WHAT 2008!ME. IT'S TRUE. IT'S ALL TRUE. DISSOLVE AWAY.

I'm not sure what we did to deserve this but I am truly, truly grateful. As enablelove said on twitter, I can't wait for the next Austin RPS update. <3__________<3

Let's talk about work and how I kind of got a promotion? Kind of but not really. A sideways promotion. I was an account service rep for two account managers, when suddenly in the same week, we learn that one of my account managers, as well as our company's talent coordinator, were deciding to leave the company. The following week, I learn that due to all of this, the head of sales and the director of operations thought I was the best person suited for the talent coordinator position. So I had about 6 days of training and was then put right into the fire. Cool, because they thought that even with only 3 months under my belt at the company, they thought me competant enough to be the person at the crux of our sales team and production team. Cool, because I have my own office for the first time ever. However, the stress is... pretty stressful. I actually woke up early on the morning of my birthday to puke my guts out because of nerves, I guess (I thought at the time it had something to do with my new birth control pills.) My heart is almost always constantly racing at work because I have SO MUCH TO DO and it's all SO DETAILED and if I get one thing wrong, it screws up everything. It's kind of terrifying. Plus I have many, many people breathing down my neck who need things done nownownow, so... yeah. Not so sure how I feel about it right now. I'm hoping that as time goes on, I'll be able to catch my breath and find a good rhythm. It sucks, because I REALLY enjoyed my old position. Now I just feel completely overwhelemed. Gah.

GOOD NEWS THO I'm finally FINALLY going on vacation/on a roadtrip in about 2 weeks! Myself and 2 friends are flying to LA then driving to Sequoia National Park --> Yosemite ---> San Francisco --> driving all the way down Big Sur/Highway 1 --> LA. All in 6 days. How is that humanly possible??? you ask. Lots of coffee and a strict itinerary. Cannot. Wait.

caithream @ 2015-03-01T22:59:00

2015-03-02T03:59:45Z

Oh my gosh. Hello. Hi. HI. I cannot believe it has been so long since I've updated. I feel awful! Awful because I've been so out of the loop, and awful because coming here and unloading is some of the best stress relief there is. In my defense, this past year has been pretty freaking terrible and my depression disallowed me from doing anything productive.

So. Let me explain. (No, there is too much; let me sum up.)

- The Starbucks I worked at in NYC was the absolute worst experience in my life to date. It was chaos, horrible, frustrating, dehumanizing chaos. The things I had to deal with with how little money I was paid... honestly, I wouldn't wish it on anyone. During one memorable evening shift, I had to call the cops: this girl had about 5 kids in the store with her waiting in line to use the restroom, and they were being loud and obnoxious, so I asked them to keep it down because the store wasn't a playground. She got ALL up in my face about how one of the kids had a some issue and couldn't help it. And I said ...sorry? but that doesn't really matter? You're not a paying customer, the kids have been loud in here for the past 20 minutes, this isn't a playground (the amount of shits I gave at this point were nonexistent anyway.) She BLEW UP. Called me a bunch of wonderful names and said she'd be bringing her "homies" in to deal with us. So about an hour later, she brings in this gang of like, 6 huge guys and they're screaming at me and my coworkers without letting us say a word about anything, so I just stand there and roll my eyes because I just. Couldn't. Care. One of my coworkers was ready to jump over the counter and start fighting (he told me later he would do anything for me, I was his favorite shift supervisor, ha), so I told him to go in the back, and then told the guys that I was calling the cops. They yelled louder, threw the portable phone charger across the room, and left. Aaaaand hung around outside, across the street, waiting for us all to leave our shifts. When the cops came I pointed them in that direction and they scattered, but before the end of the night, the coworker who was willing to fight for me looked around the block, down in the subway, etc, and they had all left. So. That was just the icing on the goddamn cake.

I held out as long as I could, and then could not take it anymore and quit in October. Meanwhile, the rest of my spare time from the summer to this point was spent emailing resumes and job hunting as much as I could. But my money was dwindling fast, and I had no leads, NO leads at all with jobs, so I gave my self an ultimatum, and if I couldn't find anything, I'd move back home.

It kills me, the saying that money doesn't buy happiness, because it really does. It really really does. I just did my taxes a few weeks ago, and realized I made a grand total of $15k last year. IN NEW YORK CITY. It's honestly a wonder I didn't throw myself off the Queensboro bridge. It was so hard. So so hard.

So I made the decision: time to pack up and go. Which was also very hard to do, because I had a great crew of lovely ladies supporting me. But when the middle of November rolled around and I picked up my rental car and shoved almost everything I owned in there, drove through Queens, down through Greenpoint and across the Williamsburg bridge, saying goodbye to NYC through Chinatown and saw the last Q train before driving through the Holland tunnel, I felt good. I felt really really good. To be honest, the two day roadtrip with a stop in Galax, Virginia (really almost the middle of nowhere), and then driving down the Blue Ridge Parkway for most of the rest of the way was incredible. I enjoyed myself so much.

- So. I'm living with my parents. Again. This time not in Florida, thankfully, since they moved north of Atlanta. It's been pretty good. We get along fine and their new house is great. The downside (because there always is one with me lol) is that my paternal grandmother lives with us as well. She has dementia; that combined with incessant stubborness, aggressiveness, losing things and then blaming my dad/claiming he stole her stuff... it's made things very very stressful. Just today, I was headed to the gym, and I overheard her on the phone with my uncle, and she actually said, "If I stay here with these people much longer I'm going to kill myself." Like... okay, this is not the first time I've heard her mention that she's going to kill herself (the other was when my uncle asked her opinion on living in an assisted living facility, and she said she'd kill herself if we put her in one), but the fact that she said "these people." "THESE PEOPLE." Like my parents haven't bent themselves over backwards accomodating her every need. And I get that some of it is the disease, I do, but a 'thank you' wouldn't go amiss some days, you know?

Anyway - they've been looking more and more at assisted living facilities because they're at their wits end and because this WILL eventually be something she'll need 24/7 supervision for from professional help. It's SO expensive, but they think they've found an affordable place that, surprise, has an opening next Friday. So, wow.

And... every bit of literature we've read and person we've talked to said that in order to make the process as smooth as possible, what would be best to do is take her out on a drive. While she's out of the house, pack up all her stuff, put it in a moving truck, and take it to the facility. When it's all there, drop her off and say... well, you live here now. I mean, wow. How shitty does that sound, right? How awful. But we've been assured by people who have done this before that yeah, it's going to suck. A LOT. The doing of it will overwhelm you with guilt and make you feel like a monster. But it's better to do it that way because if they see you in the process of taking all their stuff out of their room and putting it in a moving truck... it would be even worse.

- Okay, now time for a plus! In January I finally (FINALLY) found a great, well-paying, steady job. I'm an account service rep at a company that provides voice overs/telephony systems/web narration/etc for all kind of companies. So when you call a doctor's office and get that automated greeting, or call Macy's or the power company, we provide the talent and recordings for those voices. I essentially work under two account managers (and their 100-200 accounts), and work through email most of the day. Like, I get at least 200 emails a day. It's VERY fast-paced and was difficult at first to wrap my head around, but I've been there less than two months and I've got a pretty great handle on things. I've been complimented many times by my coworkers, saying that I've picked it up really quickly. And my coworkers are suuuuper nice, and I get treated like an actual ADULT with a BUSINESS TITLE with the respect that I've earned in just 7 weeks. ALSO MY SALARY??? is well over double than what I made last year. It's more than my mom EVER made while raising us. So yeah. This is good. I feel good about this right now, and I hope it stays that way.

So... that's about it. I will definitely try to be making regular updates now that I'm out of the slums of depression. I even have a few trips lined up! Something I haven't done in a long while. :D

caithream @ 2014-07-09T22:37:00

2014-07-10T02:38:02Z

You know who Sarah is? Sarah is the person whom everyone unloads their shit on, who lends an ear and will nod in all the right places and give advice and be as helpful as possible. That's who I am. I feel like that's all I'm known for.

Because so very rarely do I ever get asked how things are going with me, and if I do, it'll be a quick sentence and then it's back to whatever issue or momentous occasion or celebration that's going on in someone else's life. And maybe that's my fault. Maybe I don't press enough. Hey, I'm having a shitty time today/this week. Here's the specifics. But I guess most of the time I just don't feel my issues are worthy of anyone else's attention, or that I have the energy to work up to explain it all.

I'm so so good at stuffing everything so deep down that I occasionally have these minor internal panic attacks and I just want to take the next plane home and cry on my mom's shoulder. I'm just so... tired. So tired. I hate my job. I hate that I can't find a job that I like. I hate that I'm back with Starbucks. I hate that I feel like I'm not developing as a person in an occupation while everyone else is having minor/major life successes. I job hunt, obviously, but it's not going anywhere fast. I guess maybe I'm terrified of failure, of finding a job I REALLY want but not being qualified (because let's face it, my resume is pretty fucking awful and I am not qualified for a lot of stuff), or of finding a position somewhere and being terrible at it, OR of finding a position and hating it.

I lack confidence and self-worth and I have no idea how to even approach fixing it.

Blah. I'm not so depressed or upset as this post would make it seem. Just one of those minor internal panic attacks that had to manifest somehow.

Starbucks is killing me slowly because of a multitude of reasons. I work with people who have no regard for the schedule. Nearly EVERY SINGLE SHIFT someone is either late or is a no-call-no-show. In my 5+ years in working for the company, I have never dealt with something like this.

(And, sidenote, it infuriates me to NO END when friends/whoever tell me to just "call out" because I have a conflicting event with my work and personal schedule. NO. That's not how this job works. It's not like Apple, where you have 300 people milling about and, whups, Bob couldn't show up today, that's cool, there's still 299 more workers here to help! When we're down a person, it fucks everything up. EVERYTHING. The entire day.)

My boss, of course, does nothing about the scheduling issues, as we're so pressed for workers that letting someone go would mess up her scheduling for the store. And without going into too much detail, our back room is so tiny that we have so little storage space, making inventory and ordering an absolute nightmare, as everything is just thrown into any nook and cranny we can find. And when your store makes $45-$50K a week? When it's that busy? Nightmare. Absolute nightmare. Ever since I've started, I've felt like I've barely kept my head above the rising tide. All for a ridiculous hourly pay.

And then I feel like I shouldn't complain because there's that voice that says, At least you HAVE a job and Other people have it so much worse than you. But this is awful. The amount of times I've almost broken down crying in frustration while behind the counter? Too many.

Compounded with not having a damn clue what I want to do with my life and being underqualified and not having the confidence to pretend I AM qualified and everyone keeps telling me I'm smart and clever to find good jobs, but I don't feel smart and clever, I feel so very very unsmart and unclever.

There are other good things about my life right now, I promise; I love New York even though I am desperately homesick and miss my family quite often, and I do fun things and have good people. But this is a giant stress ball sitting on my shoulders, and I'm like... I'm 27 years old. You would think by now I'd have a job with a little more financial stability, because lol, I am getting paid so little lol lol lol.

So, sorry/not sorry/but actually sorry I swear next time I update I'll have less things to whine about and better news. Meh. #MEH

caithream @ 2014-03-30T22:04:00

2014-03-31T02:05:17Z

Hello friends I do apologize for going so long without an update but life has been... life.

About a week after I last posted in January, I quit the interior design job. The stress was insane for a stupid admin assistant/personal assistant position, and I couldn't take the condescending dickery anymore. Did I mention he asked me to come along with him to one of the apartments to meet a contractor and then proceeded to rip the contractor a new asshole with me wandering around the apartment thinking oh god oh god so awkward THIS IS SO AWKWARD? Because that happened.

Living in New York City is hard. Living in New York City unemployed? Really fucking hard. These last few months have been internal panic central. The writing job has helped, but not enough. Very much not enough. That's... about as much as I'll sum things up there.

But... I did recently just get another job. Starbucks. It's Starbucks. Third time rehired back at Starbucks as a shift supervisor. HA HA HA. Oh life. But hey. Steady paycheck and health insurance coming my way in a few months, so I really shouldn't complain.

I was calling around stores for available positions that were NOT in the midtown area (because that was my first mistake after moving to NYC) and just so happened to call a store that was in desperate need of partners. Well, that's not how it was offered to me, but after working there for over two weeks, that's the obvious reason. I gave my spiel at the interview and the manager was excited and told me so, and hired me on right away. Turns out they were very short staffed, and on top of that, the manager has been on jury duty ever since I started so a) not only have I not worked with her yet but b) I haven't even been set up in the system yet. Which means I can't clock in, clock out, do managerial stats, open the safe, get paid, etc. But apparently she should be back in this week.

And so far the store seems much, MUCH better than where I was before (which was near Rockefeller Center, urgh.) Most if not all of the shift supervisors are REALLY on point with getting shit done and getting shit done right, which was a huge issue I had at the Rockefeller store. So... it feels okay so far. I had a shift last week where I thought I did a poor job of managing, but when the assistant manager and I looked at the numbers, we were above target, and he said I did a great job so... hopefully I can only go up from there!

Sometimes I think about how much of a failure I feel like for not getting a ~grownup job and doing ~grownup work, but... I think I'm slowly coming to the realization that, as much as I'd love to be known as Sarah: Assistant Editor or whatever, jobs don't make me happy. (Or maybe I've yet to find a job that truly makes me happy?) They're means to an end of earning money so that I can DO the things that make me happy. Like maybe spending money on traveling or hot air ballooning or an amazing dinner is valued more to me than having a high-payed salaried job that consumes my life. Does that make sense? Is that silly? I should probably just hand in my adult card now.

My sister just visited the city for the past few days. Just dropped her off at the airport this morning, in fact. I was wonderful, minus the fact that I couldn't get days scheduled off while she was here. So I've been going nonstop since Tuesday - work, tourist stuff, work work work, hanging out, tourist stuff, walking walking. But it was really really great. I've been missing my family more and more lately. Fortunately I scored very cheap tickets to go home over Easter weekend, which is only 3 weeks away.

Other notables:

- My 27th birthday is in 10 days. Urgh. I don't even know how to feel about that.
- Was very, very lucky to see an advanced screening of Captain America: Winter Soldier last week and it was AMAAAAZIIIIING. Myself and friends already have tickets to see a marathon of the first Captain America and then the second one right after. So very excited.
- We've had a shit-ton of snow this winter and it's amazing and I love it, but I am also very excited for spring and all the flowers and things to do outside!

Also, um, yes, I still watch SPN and FUCK ME I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT THE MARK OF CAIN STORYLINE WITH DEAN NOT ONLY BECAUSE HE ACTUALLY GETS AN ARC BUT BECAUSE IT PUSHES ALL THE RIGHT BUTTONS FOR MEEEE. I could do 3489302 backflips. DON'T FUCK IT UP, WRITERS.

caithream @ 2014-01-04T00:45:00

2014-01-04T05:45:25Z

LOOK, TWO POSTS IN ONE WEEK! Go team Sarah.

Last night we had my first ~snow storm blow through. Only got about 6-8" BUT I WAS VERY EXCITED OKAY. I woke up to go to work, saw a text from my coworker that the boss canceled work for the day, stood in front of our sliding glass door for like, ten minutes freaking out about how much snow there was and how cold it was (IT FELT LIKE -16 DEGREES OUTSIDE OMG) and then went back to bed for 2.5 more hours, haaa. It was glorious. And then I finally got my ass out of bed and put on 3 pairs of socks, galoshes, leggings, jeans, a long-sleeve t-shirt, my heavy coat, a scarf, two pairs of gloves, and a toque, and adventured forth to Central Park.

AND IT WAS AWESOME. The sun was shining bright, but it was very, very cold. I think a lot of people either took the day off or had a snow day also, as nearly every single person in the Park was either taking pictures, sledding, or having a snowball fight. I stood at the bottom of a big hill and just watched people of all ages - kids, dads, teenagers - shriek and fly down the hill. It made me weirdly sad that I missed all of this for the first 26 years of my life. And yeah, I get it, snow and cold weather can be extremely unfun and dangerous at times, but this mutual togetherness to enjoy it by New Yorkers and tourists alike made my heart swell. Here and here are two of my favorite pictures. :D

caithream @ 2013-12-31T17:29:00

2013-12-31T22:30:05Z

Hello, it is I, the posting failure.

But I figured I should get off my butt (or just force myself to set aside the time, really) and do one last post for 2013.

2013! Not that much of a horrible year, really. It had its ups and downs like every year. Of course, the most significant thing that happened was that in April I finally finally moved from Florida to NYC. And, shocker, I'm still here and surviving! I can't even tell you how happy I am to be out of Florida. The move was hard, so so SO hard, but I'm still glad I did it. I've got a fantastic support group of ladies up here, really nice roommates, and constant support from my parents. I'm very very fortunate and try not to take any of that for granted.

My only issue I'm having now is jobs. None of the jobs that I mentioned in my last post panned out. But I did finally find something: I'm working as a part time office assistant for a small interior designer. I also very recently just got hired on to do blogging for 10-15 blogs a week, and it will pay quite well! The interior design place would be perfect (I run errands so I'm not sitting in the office all day, it's a 20 minute subway ride from my apartment, the pay is pretty decent, etc), EXCEPT... the interior designer himself is condescending, a perfectionist, and terrifying to communicate with. There were days a week or so ago where I didn't eat lunch because I was shaking and nauseous, terrified of saying or doing something wrong. I called my mom in a cab on the way to a client's house and cried. I don't know... there's a lot of stuff going on with him too (aka, my coworker, who was AWESOME and so nice, just quit because she got into a teaching program, he's out of town for a few weeks right now, and he's trying to sell his house), so I'm trying to keep that in mind, but ugh. I shouldn't have to go to work feeling like I'm going to have a panic attack every day. So. I don't know. A new lady just started in the office a few days ago, so I'm going to feel it out and see how things progress after he gets back.

It's frustrating to me to not have any idea of what I want to do with my life. I THOUGHT I did, working at a publishing company or something similar, but now I just don't know. To not have a drive or things to accomplish is awful. I've only just started to realize that oh, yeah, I think I really do have a significant problem with anxiety. I just keep everything inside or don't acknowledge it. But these last few months, I've really taken a huge emotional/mental hit due to anxiety. And all these swirling thoughts about jobs haven't helped. I've considered researching out and finding therapists, even.

So if anything needs improving in 2014, it's... all of that.

On a happier note, other things I'm hopefully planning for 2014 include a roadtrip through Rhode Island, a roadtrip with my BFF from back home from LA, all the way up the Big Sur (!!!!!), finally reaching San Francisco, and maybe a stop in Napa Valley, my sister visiting me here in NYC in March, losing at least 10 pounds (I KNOW I CAN I KNOW I CAN), and buying a vibrator because certain parts of my life are still SEVERELY LACKING.

So until next time, happy 2014 all. <3

caithream @ 2013-10-24T00:38:00

2013-10-24T04:39:05Z

Things! Thiiiings.

Job hunting has turned into an lol-worthy affair. Apple has now turned me down - twice. I had two interviews for one store, got a "thanks but no thanks" email, and then a few days later got a call from their HR saying they had an opening at another store and would I like an interview there. So I went to two more interviews and just got another "thanks but no thanks" email so... lol. Thanks for jerking me around for a whole month, I guess.

But all is not lost! I had an interview for this adorable upscale furniture consignment shop for an admin position yesterday. And then today I had an interview for an admin position at an... interesting place. Basically? It's a hypnotist/life coach office, which makes me lol just typing. Apparently the guy charges $1000 a session and is usually booked from 8am to sometimes 11pm. SO THAT'S A THING. But the pay is reaaaally well, even if my hours would be a little kooky (1pm-8pm). Also there's no window where I'd be sitting. ;___; But with the pay, I'd be able to deal with it. I GUESS.

And then I got an email today for an interview Friday at a publishing company! As a production assistant! Not admin! YAY! AND I just had a friend recommend me to her boss's wife; I'm going to her office tomorrow to help her sort and rewrite a bunch of stuff for her website. All of this is on top of my current job, manuscript proofing fiction novels (which has hit an unfortunate dry spell for the moment, sigh). It's telecommuting, and I work under just one person, the editor, who sends me the novels. AND I just started writing articles for this website, owned by my friend's mom. AND AND I should be getting hired on shortly for a bigger publishing company for proofreading as well; the paperwork just needs to be sorted!

SO WOW YES ALL THE THINGS. Fingers crossed I can get something steady here soon, though.

Also my parents bought a house!! Look at it!! It's so cute! They want to take out the carpet in some areas and put hardwood floors in, as well as a few other minor changes for the time being, so move-in day will hopefully be around the beginning of December. Can't wait to go there for Christmas and ACTUALLY HAVE A FIREPLACE AND HAVE IT BE COLD ON CHRISTMAS DAY OMG BACKFLIPS FOR DAAAAYS.

On the SPN front, I'm still watching, and still really loving most of it, but this week's episode was just... bleh. Boring. Ret-conning. And Ezekiel!Sam is just... not doing it for me. Reasons for which I explained here. Also I kind of have a weird embarrassment squick about it, so, uh, yeah. It's my cross to bear, I know. But for now I'll just keep my fingers crossed that Dean actually gets to do something this season. And read fic. (I'm good at that.)

caithream @ 2013-10-03T01:21:00

2013-10-03T05:21:23Z

I check LJ almost every day. So why can't I make myself update? I don't knoooow. Maybe because so much crap keeps piling up, so many events and feelings happen that becomes just too much to explain or dealt with. I will try better.

For example: a month ago right now, I was home. And now I'll never be able to go there again. Melodramatic? Sure. But no matter how much I hated Florida, I loved that home. My dad, uncle, and my dad's friend built it together in 1983. It's weird to think about the strangers living in the place where I built my memories. So I try not to. Instead I think about the way the tile crackled underfoot in the dining room, how the door to the garage never closed on the first try, how clean and fresh and good it always smelled.

(And stupid me, sometimes I can't help but think about our last night there and how me and my sister cried on my mom's shoulder in the hallway and how my dad pretty much held it together until we were pulling out of the driveway for the last time, me in my car, my parents in theirs; we got on the main road just outside the subdivision and my dad suddenly did a u-turn and pulled back in. We drove back into our driveway, and my dad opens the door to the car, nearly in tears, and says, "I can't, I can't leave without saying one last goodbye to the neighbor." This sweet, older man lived next to us the whole time we lived there, and even though it was 10:30 at night, my parents went to his door. Later, my mom told me that my dad just sobbed while talking with him, he was so emotionally and physically drained. And it punches me right in the fucking grief bone to think about.)

But. My parents are really excited to be in north Georgia now, looking for a house. It's all they've ever wanted to do since they've retired, and now they've done it. I'm hoping finding a new house to put all our old belongings will let me leave the past in the past and move on with just good memories.

See what happens when I update? Emotional word vomit. Bleh.

Job hunting is another fun story right now. I think I've pretty much clinched another freelance proofreader position with a legit publishing company, so that's exciting! Aaaand I have a second interview with Apple on Friday, which I'm also excited about. So fingers crossed for good things! And being an adult!

And for old time's sake, LET ME TELL U A THING: still can't deal with this.

caithream @ 2013-08-14T01:25:00

2013-08-14T05:26:02Z

It was really hard to leave. I was comfortable (but bored), living at home and not paying much in the way of rent. To throw myself into an unfamiliar place, a very expensive unfamiliar place was scary as shit.

I stayed for two weeks on the couch of memphis86, elrina753, and regala_electra, all of whom I still cannot thank enough for their enduring patience and kindness as I got settled (which I am still working on, kinda.) Still, to have no idea of what to do for a job or a place to permanently live was unsettling to say the least. Also NYC is like a totally different world. It's essentially like living in Europe. It was hard to get used to at first. More on that later.

I did end up finding a Starbucks store to transfer to. Finally! I thought. Some kind of common ground I can work with, and something I'm good at.

Yeah. No.

I jumped back and forth between two stores: the first one I worked at was in the Sony tower on 5th Ave, in Midtown, a kiosk. Ugh, where do I even begin. I was barely even acknowledged by the other baristas there, and even after repeatedly asking where things where and how they did their routine, I got vague answers. Everyone had their conversations in Spanish, so I just kind of wandered around, trying to figure things out for myself. On top of that, their standards and drink routines were so non-compliant I thought my head was going to explode. The same was for the second store that I eventually transitioned to, on 6th and 34th, near Rockefeller Plaza. Except somehow worse?? The store was right across from a hotel, so we had tourists all. day. long. The problem with Starbucks in NYC? It's quantity over quality. They want people in the door and out as soon as possible. Which I can understand, dealing with tourists and people who didn't speak a lick of English and NEVER-ENDING LINES. I was also supposed to perform my shift supervisor duties, which, HAHAHA. Impossible. It was either you get all your work done but the quality suffers, or you do all your shift supervisor work properly but there's no way in hell you can get it done before 3483098 people start streaming through the door. On top of that, I felt as if my shift supervisor coworkers were constantly setting me up for failure, like running out of supplies that we needed (like, I don't know, grande cups and vanilla syrup, and IMPORTANT DRINK COMPONENTS) while I constantly busted my ass. So so frustrating.

In the middle of all this, I found an apartment. Which, for being in NYC and finding a pretty great apartment after only two weeks? That's awesome. I'm currently living in a nice little place in Woodside, Queens. It's got wood floors, a balcony with table and chairs, and a decent-sized kitchen. My roommates are wonderfully sane, mostly clean, and quite nice. The only issue I'm having with the place is that there seems to be a roach infestation. We've had an exterminator come in, placed down highly rated bait and poison ourselves, and it seems better, but the problem is that when some other apartment in your building is full of slobs and the roach problem emulates from there... essentially an exterminator should come and do the WHOLE apartment, as that's the only way it's going to take care of the problem, but, oh well; we're getting by for now. Also, I have to laugh whenever people give me the bug-eyed look for living in Queens; apparently most of my sister's friends think I live in some super dangerous area. Honestly? I wouldn't be surprised if the Woodside/Sunnyside area is the next in line to be gentrified. The population around here is such an awesome mix; mostly Mexican, Asian, and Middle Eastern with some Irish thrown in. There's families and kids running around EVERYWHERE; a sure sign of a safe(r) area to live. So yeah. It's good.

Getting used to the NYC way of life? It's still a work-in-progess, but I think I'm doing pretty well. Getting furniture for my room was the absolute fucking worst. Stuff that doesn't seem so hard suddenly becomes tantamount to dragging a boulder uphill. First you have to sign up for a company to rent a car. Then you have to rent a car. Then you have to drive said car through New York traffic to Ikea. Good luck getting those heavy boxes in your car by yourself! Once you're back at your place, have even BETTER luck getting those heavy boxes out of your car, up the stairs, and into your room. Then hope to God you still have time to drop the car off before getting a late fee. Take the subway back. Begin to assemble.

Also, I didn't have air conditioning until mid-June and oh my goddddd it was the worst. THE W O R S T. The adventure of installing that was much like the description of the previous paragraph, except the box was 88 pounds and I enlisted elrina753's help and omg thank goodness for her because I would not have been able to install it by myself.

Other than that, I quickly learned the do-not-buy-more-groceries-than-you-can-carry rule, that you should always leave 15 minutes early when it's raining or on the weekends because the subways WILL be borked, and how to successfully use my shoulders and elbows when walking through crowded sidewalks.

So. I sent out resumes like crazy all through May because of my all-consuming hate for Starbucks up here, and suddenly I had TWO interviews. The first interview I had was for Kaplan, creating academic content for ESL students. Which, awesome. The interview and the job itself was also in the Empire State building. EVEN MORE AWESOME. The only problem? It was part time and temporary. In hindsight I so so wish I still would have taken this job, but... more on that later too. So I went for the Kaplan interview, hoping the second interview for the full time position would be successful too. I ended up working one day at Kaplan before I got a call back about the full time position at a publishing company in SoHo, which I instead accepted in early June.

I was ecstatic. The office was beautiful, SoHo is awesome, everyone seemed nice. About three weeks into the this new job, I remembered: oh. This is why I quit my office job at the law office.

I hate admin work. I hate being in an office. My depression spikes. I hate sitting down for 8+ hours, I hate staring at excel spreadsheets for hours at a time, and I hate the monotony of detailed repetition. Not only that, but the office was silent, and my desk was far away from everyone else. Most coworkers stopped by to sign in and sign out for the day, hardly glancing at me in the process. But, I'm working at a publishing company, right? And I'm doing accounts payable and collecting mailing lists for the marketing department. Just reading that sentence makes me want fling myself off a bridge. But I tried to stuff that down, because this is why I moved to New York. Publishing!! A chance to get my foot in the door and move up with this company.

I was making a few errors, but improving, or so my 30 day review said. And I did make errors, I will admit that, because: monotony of detailed repetition. Not that that's any excuse, but, I dunno. I guess that's just how my brain works. But my 60 day review that I had last week? Wow. I don't even know. It was pretty much all negative. A few days beforehand, my office manager came to me with a stack of accounts payable paperwork and told me a step in the process that he said he'd told me before multiple times but I don't remember him saying it ever. On top of that, I looked at the instruction sheet and that step? It actually says the opposite of what he told me, aka, what I had been doing all along. So. What the fuck. I worked on my next stack of accounts payable paperwork, and I intended on showing him the instructions (which I had circled and put a question mark next to) as soon as he gave me back the stack to file away. With that stack of paperwork I did my 110% best to make it mistake-free; unfortunately, I knew, KNEW there were a few items in there that would be wrong because even though my office manager told me explicitly to do things a certain way, my brain logic said that on one or two pieces of paperwork that that would be wrong and I COULD fix it with my magical brain logic, but, WHATEVER, I did it the way he asked.

ALSO on my review was that the marketing department said I had been making a lot of mistakes. And I was like, "...?!?!" I told my office manager that I had not had a SINGLE word of feedback from the marketing department, and this was the first I had heard about any mistakes. I asked for an example, and the one he gave me was the very first mailing list I had put together for them, so, uhhh, sorry that I'm not the embodiment of perfection and can't do it 100% right on my first go-around? Jesus Christ.

Anyway. Today. I come back from lunch, and my office manager pulls me aside. And. I was let go. Which. Feels weird. I mean, it's within the 90 ~trial period, so as he said, it's not like this has to go on my resume, so there's that. I'm incredibly relieved but also pretty embarrassed and am honestly more concerned with my former coworkers thinking I'm a fucking moron, but I'll get over that eventually. I realize now why I never got that last stack of paperwork back from him: because I am SURE the "mistakes" I thought I could fix was the problem. Also, I think the marketing assistant ratted me out because we had a series of miscommunicated emails the day before (half her fault, half mine), so I'm sure that was just another, "Well, LOOK WHAT SARAH DID WRONG THIS TIME" issue.

I don't know. I feel like half the time I was working there, I was just trying to get straight answers from people on instructions. Like, I guess I wasn't as intuitive as they wanted me to be. Also, three people, THREE PEOPLE left the company during my two month stint, so there was a lot of department switching and not knowing who to report to and... yeah. I still feel like completely at fault for screwing everything up, but the more I thought about it today, the more frustrated I got at the aforementioned issues. I could have pursued the issues, yes, but, as I told my office manager, I was planning on putting my two weeks in anyway.

BECAUSE. I had a wonderful idea, only just yesterday. See, I still work part time as a proofreader for fiction novels, so I thought, duh, why not just take that full time? And then find a part time job to break up the monotony and add a few extra bucks? So I emailed the lady who sends me the manuscripts yesterday, and she gave me an enthusiastic yes. Also I'm... putting in my application for a part time position at Apple. Customer service is not exactly what I wanted to be doing again, but it's a) better than Starbucks b) has health insurance for part timers and c) will allow me to actually have conversations with coworkers my age or thereabouts omg what a novel idea. So. That's my plan. I will try not to feel like a miserable life failure but lol too late.

Other than that, I love being here. NYC is amazing and I demand that you all visit me. I can DO ALL THE THINGS because I'm working freelance now. I MAKE MY OWN SCHEDULE. MY BEDTIME IS NEVER. YEAAAHHH.

Briefly, other than that, another epic life change currently happening is that my parents sold my childhood house. I will delve more into my feelings on this at a later time (because it will deserve a post all its own), but suffice to say, I'm both elated that my parents are finally getting out of Florida, and devastated that I have to permanently say goodbye to my childhood home. I'm flying home for the last time on the 30th, so that will be hard. But I am sooo looking forward to being there and seeing my friends again, even though it will be brief. Haaa, though, since I no longer have a job I HAVE to be back at, I'm going to extend vacation and help my parents make the drive up to north Georgia, where they will be moving. 17 more daaaays and then I'll be home!

If you made it through all that, good lord. Congrats. I promise not to go so long without updating again. I've been busy doing all kinds of fun things, but this is definitely cathartic and what I needed. And now I turn off my alarm and sleep until I decide to get up.

caithream @ 2013-04-10T23:18:00

2013-04-11T04:13:43Z

Ten years ago today, I started this livejournal. It was the day after my 16th birthday. And now I'm 26. I've graduated high school, college, been through a handful of fandoms, made good friends, great friends, lost some, moved to Orlando, moved back home. And today was my last day at work at my Starbucks store, and I officially said goodbye to friends I've known for 20 years. I leave in 3 days for something brand new, and I'm excited and scared and everything in between. Change is weird, and really really hard, but I think I'm doing the right thing. I HOPE I'm doing the right thing. I guess I'll know soon enough.

Goodbye old chapter, hello new.

caithream @ 2013-03-31T19:12:00

2013-03-31T23:12:05Z

Update on life things!

I'm moving in 13 days, which is insane. True to form, I have yet to even start packing. But seeing as how I'm not taking any furniture or big items, just clothes, toiletries, and some personal items, I'm not too worried. Instead of taking however many huge suitcases with all my stuff and paying a stupid amount of money to check them at the airport, I'm just gonna ship the rest of my stuff via FedEx or UPS. It's also waaaay more convenient (this whole no car thing is really gonna throw me for a loop for a while), so it's a bit of weight off my shoulders.

I also think I might have found an apartment? The girl seems nice enough (we're friends on facebook omgz), but the apartment itself is in Sunnyside, which is about a 20 minute train ride south of where I'd prefer to be, in Astoria. It's not terrible though. More pros: my room would be furnished with a full bed, some night stands, a closet, and a futon, the latter of which is awesome, because I've already had like, 4 people promise me they'd come visit, and I need a place for them to sleep! She's clean and quiet (two HUGE things I need out of a roommate), has a kitty, and the rent is really manageable. The cons: it's a little farther away than I want it to be, and it has no living room?!!? Very odd. Yay for no huge get-togethers my roomie would organize when I have to do my 5am wakeup calls, but boo for no space other than my room that I could hang out at in the apartment, I guess? I asked if I could meet up with her for coffee, and then come see the apartment to make my decision, and she was okay with that, so we'll see, I guess!

Work is also up in the air right now. I've been in talks with a Starbucks in Manhattan right next to Central Park (!) for a few weeks now, but nothing definite has come of it. And then last week I got a call from a Starbucks in Astoria, which is a little bit closer. And this Starbucks is inside of a TV and movie studio lol omg. I spoke with the manager and she actually said she would call the Manhattan store, figure out what was going on, and call me back. COOLNESS. So hopefully I'll get a call on Monday, which is admin day for managers.

ALSO, my BFF of 20+ years just got a promotion-type-thing, which means he'll be moving to Louisiana for a year about a week after I leave. CRAZYNESS. I'm also incredibly, selfishly relieved, because I won't be the only one saying goodbye to our friends. And we already have a lot of crazy ideas for visits, both in NYC, Louisiana, and other places, so I think we'll be fine.

Other than that, I'm still trying to come to terms with leaving a whole lot of people behind, my roots, and everything I've known for the past 25 years. I'm doing pretty good, though; I keep telling myself that there's nothing forcing me to stay, and I'm a muthafuckin' adult and can act on whatever decisions are good for me emotionally and mentally. I'm going to miss my parents immensely, but they're in the middle of a life change themselves: hopefully sometime this year, they'll finish doing their small renovations, and put our house on the market to move up to Georgia. And I know I'll definitely be back in Florida in November for a wedding, so there's that. Plus, I'm EXCITED. IT'S NEW YORK. OMG.

So! Yes. Good vibes/thoughts/etc please. Hopefully I can get through the next two weeks without any ~~huge~~ emotional breakdowns!

caithream @ 2013-02-14T14:55:00

2013-02-14T19:55:13Z

Literally cannot deal with the sea of feels from last night's episode. JFC. From Dean nesting, to the picture of Mary, to cooking for Sam, and you're not a grunt, Dean, you're a genius, to Dean's happy ending only being that Sam is happy, BUT SAM'S HAPPY ENDING IS THAT BOTH OF THEM ARE TOGETHER AND HAPPY

TO THE HORRIBLE, AWFUL, PLEASE-JUST-LET-ME-DIE REALIZATION THAT SAM SAVED DEAN FROM A HELLHOUND THIS TIME

BECAUSE LAST TIME

HE COULDN'T

ughgughghaodija;gew

and also this

it pains me

NOW, if Dean could somehow be front-and-center involved in, say, trials from the angel tablet, or some such? That would be great. Really great.

In other news, I'm moving. I'm finally going to do it. I've only waffled about it for the last three years, but barring any unforeseen disaster, I'm moving to New York City on April 13th.

The plan is thus: I'm not taking my car, nor any furniture. I'm probably going to pack three huge suitcases with all my stuff, and fly up. Hopefully I can find some couch to crash on for a little bit (good thing couchsurfing.com exists, ha), and in the meantime, I'll be looking for a long term room to rent. I've already been looking quite extensively for the past few months in the area that I want, so I have a good idea of what I'm looking for. What I'm really worried about is not being able to find what I'm looking for in the short window that I need it. I very very much need a place that's clean and quiet (especially after the fiasco of living in Orlando), and, since I'm taking no furniture, some place that's at least furnished with a bed and a dresser. And, of course, the cost. So. Yeah. I'm pretty stressed about it. So far I've had one legit conversation with someone about a room after placing an ad on craigslist, so, we'll see.

I also know I'm going to get crazy homesick, and I'm not looking forward to it. ;___; Pretty much all of my friends are being really supportive and saying I'd be dumb NOT to go, since I'll be turning 26 a few days before I leave, and this is really the best time in my life to do it. I won't miss Florida, but I have a lot of roots here. Fortunately, though, my parents are working as fast as they can to fix up our house and put it on the market and move up to north Georgia. Even though I'll miss my house of 25+ years, it'll be easier to deal with knowing that my parents will be starting out in a new place as well.

As for my job, I'll be transferring to a Starbucks up there, staying for hopefully no more than six months, and then finding a big girl job. Like, in publishing and editing, if I'm lucky. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it, though.

So. LESS THAN TWO MONTHS. I have so much to doooo.

caithream @ 2013-01-29T22:53:00

2013-01-30T03:54:00Z

HI. I've been absent because I've been feverishly working on a truly awful manuscript that's been sucking away all of my time when I'm not at working at Starbucks. Lord. It was bad enough that it was so awful, but the moron didn't even bother proofreading it himself before he sent it. I'm getting a pretty good cut of the money, though, so that's nice. Unfortunately, I just sent it last night, and already I have another 300+ page manuscript that looks like it might barely be a step up from the last one. THINK OF THE MONEY, SARAH. MONEY AND CONNECTIONS.

I've also been asked yet again by my manager about considering the promotion to assistant manager or store manager. AND being told by a few other people I know that I should just take the promotion. I'm still really balking at it. The only pros I can think of would be: the money (my W-2 says I still haven't broke 20k a year yet HA HA THANKS BUX) and how great it would look on my resume. It's just... not that this is brand new information, but customer service is so emotionally/physically/mentally draining. As a lot of my coworkers and I say, you really have to drink the koolaid in order to climb the corporate ladder. And there is no way I would become a store manager in this area. The district manager is a horrible human being, even more evidenced by some things my manager told me when I got mildly tipsy with her last week at a bar, lulz. It would be really nice to fall back on, but right now, I wanna focus on a career, you know, the thing I got my college degree for.

On a long list of things I will never be over is the inclusion of Jensen being a daddy because oh my god tiny baby and jensen I CAN'T. Between him and Danneel, the kid is going to be the most beautiful smartass in the world. ;______;

Still impatiently waiting for Cards Against Humanity to be restocked so I can BUY IT ALREADY because I'm too lazy to make my own set and I want the BOX and stuff. Their website says they'll be restocked before the end of January, but the 29th is almost over, so they better hurry it up. TINY HORSE.

Picture heavy, in case the cut text wasn't clear enough.

2012-12-31T22:13:39Z

1/5/12 - Hot air ballooning

4/12/12 to 4/15/12 - Chicago

5/11/12 to 5/18/12 - Barcelona, Cannes, Nice, Florence, and Rome

End of July, 2012 - Atlanta, Georgia

8/21/12 to 8/26/12 - Salt Lake City, Utah

8/31/12 to 9/3/12 - DragonCon, Atlanta, Georgia

9/24/12 to 9/30/12 - Minneapolis and Nisswa, Minnesota

10/17/12 to 10/22/12 - Wincon, Dallas, Texas

11/16/12 - Disney World, Magic Kingdom

11/20/12 to 11/26/12 - Atlanta, Georgia

2012 has made me realize how very blessed I am. I hope 2013 will continue to be so, and not just for me, but for you guys too. ♥♥♥!!!

caithream @ 2012-11-19T11:59:00

2012-11-19T16:59:54Z

I finished this fantastic book the other day - The Age of Miracles by Karen Thompson Walker. It's about the earth's rotation suddenly and inexplicably slowing, and told through the eyes of an eleven year old girl. It's INCREDIBLY ominous, all the effects that it would cause (the tides, 24+ hours of night, 24+ hours of day, the inability to grow plants), and is written in a way that I would scare the shit out of myself thinking about what would happen if this was happening right now. It's the very definition of a bildungsroman, and a lot of what the narrator goes through, I went through myself at that age. I also really enjoyed that it was written from a micro perspective - an eleven year old who knows what's happening to the world, sees it's effects and how it impacts the every day things around her, but touches briefly every now and again what it's doing to the world at large. Interestingly enough, I had come up with the same premise myself (though mine was more like, what would happen if one night the sun just didn't rise?), but I like better how this was executed.

I was just excited to find a book that interested me that much, as lately, I feel like all I'm doing is reading fic. I'm also trying to read On the Road but urghhh, it's coming along slowly.

I have one more horrible awful shift with a horrible awful person from 2-10:30pm, and then I'll race home, take a shower, sleep for like, 3 hours, and then hit the road around 4am for Atlanta for Thanksgiving. So excitedddd. Hells yes I'm bringing home coffee for myself (an americano) and my parents (iced coffee) for the drive. Lord beer me strength for the time leading up to it.

caithream @ 2012-11-13T23:18:00

2012-11-14T04:18:06Z

About a week ago, my boss texted me. Basically she asked what my thoughts were on being promoted to assistant manager, or store manager, as there are a lot of openings coming up here soon. I mean, !!!!!!!!!!! HOLY CRAP. I don't take this lightly, as my boss is the epitome of an anal control freak. Which, hey, is mostly good for making sure our store runs properly, but can be veeeery wearing. But the fact that she considers me ASM/SM material? I'm pretty freaking flattered.

Alas, I've been thinking about it for a good while, and I don't think I'm gonna take the position. Not right now, anyway. For a couple of reasons. One being that customer service is wearing on me mentally, physically, and emotionally more and more each day. I honestly dread having to deal with people nowadays. Which leads me to wonder if I'll ever find a job that I truly enjoy, seeing as how I hate office work so much. BUT anyway, I was getting comfortable with the idea of leaving Starbucks again, so a managerial position is prooobably not in my best interests right now.

Besides, I'm doing this little thing like moving to NYC? In March? Hopefully? So that would interfere with my plans for that. Ha. I'd also really really like to actually do something about having a career instead of just a job, and hopefully NYC will take care of that, too.

I didn't outright ask, but I think it's fairly well implied that if I ever DO decide to come back to Starbucks or do want the managerial position, my boss will totally give me the recommendation for it. So. Good fallback plan, I guess!

I am SO excited for Friday. A couple of friends and I are going to visit another friend that just had a baby, and then we're off to Orlando for the Christmas extravaganza at Disney World. Fingers crossed that everything goes according to plan. AND THEN on Tuesday of next week, my parents and I are driving to Atlanta to pick up my sister at the airport, and then staying with family for Thanksgiving. COLD WEATHER YAY. Also 20+ family members in one gathering! Should be exciting, and hopefully minimal amounts of awkward. Fingers crossed for snow lololol.

caithream @ 2012-10-31T20:41:00

2012-11-01T00:41:30Z

Has it really been only 9 days since I got back from Wincon? SADS. It was stupendously fun. Made some awesome new friends, am still terrified to friend half the people I met, and discovered the horrible awesomness that is Cards Against Humanity.

(Thank you ignited for like, half these pictures! <333)

We went to the Dallas Aquarium! Not just for fishies anymore.

gurl

omg pretties

THIS SATANIC CREATURE JFC WHY

My "dnw" face.

Ooh this jaguar was so pretty!

ignited, disappearing sharks, and serial killer Jensen.

The view from our room.

The delightful irl message board.

Bad Fic Idol. Tony Stark dropped by and was not amused.

IRON MAN ILU

And then I stole ignited's hat for Rocky Horror.

WINPROM! huggenkiss and me.

ignited's awesome awesome AWESOME Eleventh Doctor steampunk mashup. So fantastic.

And I am her companion OF COURSE.

ignited and vorpalblades looking smashing.

wendy and meee! <3

Next year is Vegas!! EVERYONE COME PLS SO I CAN LOVE ON YOU.

Idk guys I'm not really into Halloween that much. I mean, if there's plans, I guess I'll go, but every time my friends go out for a Halloween party, they report back that it was pretty lame. Instead yesterday I invited over some people and we drank pumpkin beer/cider and apple cider mixed with hot cinnamon schnapps and made pumpkin chocolate chip COOKIES and cupcakes and baked bree and it was amazing and delicious. And yesterday it was so cool outside, so I did all my errands while listening to Fleet Foxes, because c'mon, autumn and Fleet Foxes go together superbly. It's supposed to warm up again, SIGH, but at least we had this little reprieve.

Also thinking lots about everyone in the northeast. Looking at all the pictures and reports make me so so sad. Hopefully there can be a lot of recovery before winter really sets in.

I'm supposed to open at work tomorrow, but I get off at 9:30am LOLOLOL, so I'm totally staying up past my bedtime to watch SPN. Good life choices.

plan d for dumbass

2012-10-11T06:37:30Z

PTSD flashback Dean

is all I've ever wanted

and Show gave me PTSD flashback Dean

and now I'm not sure how to cope

so instead let me focus on the 8 million other things that make me want to THROW MYSELF OFF A CLIFF which include but are not limited to:

- Sam saying the Latin exorcism backwards and being all LOL IDK GUISE just a ~thing I wanted to try
- SAM WINCHESTER. MJOLNIR. LIGHTNING. HAIR FLOPPIES. SWEAR TO GOD THEY DID THIS ON PURPOSE.
- Crowley's soul isn't black it's RED WHAT EVEN IS GOING ON
- omg Dean doesn't even care about killing anyone else it's just "one more nightmare" gugha;gdlhhawoeigj pls I need to lie down
- Dean hugging Cas ;_____________________________;
- omfg that Purgatory scene was BEAUTIFUL and one of my favorite scenes of this episode. Those wonderful WONDERFUL tight shots that circle both Dean and Cas that, along with the fantastic choice to make the Purgatory scenes desaturated, make this scene feel weirdly dream-like (AND BTW JENSEN PLEASE REMIND US WHERE YOU'RE FROM BECAUSE I DON'T THINK I HEARD ENOUGH OF YOUR ACCENT IN THAT SCENE THX)
- AND DEAN REFUSED TO LEAVE WITHOUT HIM AAAHHHH
- Mrs. Tran is the best. THE BEST. Please please please keep her on for a few more episodes.
- there were so many AWESOME little things about this episode (the dwarf gold!!)

(No but seriously the PTSD scene in the interrogation room I literally cannot. Something like that was everything I wanted to see in season 4, and to actually now SEE IT and Jensen being the greatest fucking human being EVER makes me want to sob in the corner. It's TERRIFYING and heartbreaking and making me so so so happy.)

Also sorry to everyone following my tumblr because I vomited all over it WHUPS

caithream @ 2012-10-08T12:41:00

2012-10-08T16:41:12Z

I honestly can't with Starbucks right now. I mean, more than usual. I'm completely burned out. I'm sick of certain coworkers (new ones! not even the horrible old ones that left!), I'm sick of customers, and I'm sick of being treated like a coffee robot. It's incredibly tiring working at a place where, regardless if someone is sick and can't come in, regardless if you're working with the lazy coworker, regardless if it's super busy, you have a set list of things that have to be done. Have to. And usually it's me and probably 2 other people who pick up the slack and make sure things get done. With the crap I have to put up with, and still making waaaay under 20k a year? It's embarrassing.

There are some things about Starbucks that I do like. Obviously, or I wouldn't still be working with the company almost 5 years later. But for some reason, working at this store more than any of the others I've worked at, it's draining. I can't stand a good handful of coworkers. And when work falls on EVERYONE to accomplish, and when it doesn't get done? It sucks. It sucks a lot.

(Don't even get me started on this new hire that worked with the company a few years ago. She's thick as a fucking brick and generally lazy, constantly complaining, and useless. We found out a week after she started that she was apparently over 3 months pregnant with twins [lololol working at Starbucks on your feet running around lifting heavy things while you're pregnant WITH TWINS HAHAHA NO], and then last Monday she complained to me about stomach pains and that she was spotting, and so I told her to call her doctor. She leaves to go to the OB/GYN and then calls an hour later with a, "Yeaaah, I lost one of the babies," barely sounding upset at all. BY THE WAY DID I MENTION that she's apparently had two previous miscarriages and smokes cigarettes and drinks a shit ton of coffee, but then refuses to use bleach to clean things because it'll "hurt the baby"? JUST. NO. NO.)

Also I gave my mom the ultimatum that, if we finish up all the renovating and put up a For Sale sign by January/February? Then I'll stick around to help them move up to Georgia. Any longer than that, and I can't make any promises. I want out of Florida so bad it's driving me insane. My sister put up pictures on facebook of her and her friends going to an apple orchard and doing a corn maze somewhere in rural Indiana and I'm like, jfc take me there. It still feels like the dead of summer here. By the way, NYC. By hopefully no later than March of next year. I hope I hope I hope. Fingers crossed.

At least Wincon is close! So very super excited. Take me away, fandom shenanigans.

caithream @ 2012-10-04T00:19:00

2012-10-04T04:19:04Z

JESUS CHRIIIIIIIIIIST FERAL BADASS DEAN IS THE HOTTEST THING I HAVE SEEN IN MY LIFE

it felt pure = oh Jesus someone hold me

Omg there was a theory going around tumblr that the reason why Dean is being so secretive about Cas is because Cas somehow hitched a ride in Dean when Dean came out of Purgatory AND THEN GUESS WHAT, THIS BENNY DUDE HITCHED A RIDE TOO, SO....

Btw Benny reminds me Alistair and is creepy and awesome omg.

Still convinced Crowley is a fallen angel or SOMETHING.

Hmm, about Sam. He's still all kinds of damaged from being trapped with Lucifer, and thinking you've lost your brother and EVERYONE ELSE in the span of like 5 minutes didn't help. That he didn't even go looking for Dean makes sense to me, but at the same time, doesn't, because he's a WINCHESTER, so. Idk. I think there's waaaay more to the story than just, "oops I hit some chick's dog and lived together for a year lol," so..... COME ON WRITERS DON'T DISAPPOINT ME.

Kevin you are the bestest.

And when SAM gets Dean a BURGER and Dean's FACE when he EATS IT omg please just throw me off a cliff.

PS SAM THROWING MJOLNIR IN THE PROMO LOL OMG I CAN'T

PSS, I've been doing this for seven years now what even. I was a FRESHMAN in COLLEGE and flipping my shit over this show, and still am. That's either really sad, or really awesome.

caithream @ 2012-09-12T23:21:00

2012-09-13T03:22:00Z

Oh lordy I meant to post ages ago about one thing, which I didn't have time for, which turned into three things, and then five, and then NO TIME, and then oops a month and a half later...

End of July we went to north Georgia to pick up my sister and hang out with the family for a little bit. Went to the Georgia Aquarium and then my uncle took us to the historic Oakland Cemetery, which was BEAUTIFUL. My aunt and uncle have apparently bought tickets for Halloween night festivities there, where people dress in Civil War era clothing and tell the history of the old money who are buried there, which, c'mon, sounds AWESOME. I have to go some year.

The grave of Margaret Mitchell, author of Gone With the Wind. Notice the little trinkets and stones set on top to the right.

A couple weeks ago I went to my bff idril_telrunya's wedding in Salt Lake City, which was honestly the most beautiful wedding I've ever been to omg.

AND THEN I WENT WITH HER AND HER HUSBAND ON HALF OF THEIR HONEYMOON LOL.

Half of their honeymoon being at Dragon*Con, like you do.

The highlight for me was going to a panel on which Billy Boyd was present. If only I could go back in time and tell my 17 year old self about this. I'd pee my pants. I can't even tell you how pretty to my ears it is to hear this man's voice in real life. And he is ADORABLE and just as funny as I remember the all the behind the scenes stuff being. SIGH.

Craig Parker was also there, also adorable; you could pretty much equate him to being Jared with the hyper and the spastic. John Rhys-Davis also. Oh man. Oh. Man. Dominic Monaghan was not kidding when he said that man could tell a story. All I could think during most of the panel was, "You have partridge? BRING THE PARTRIDGE." A;lkajfsfdf;lfjsak. I want him to be my grandfather and tell me stories ALL DAY.

Sylvester McCoy was there one day as well. Seventh Doctor + wizard = awesome. He can also be my grandfather pls.

Also I took a couple of crappy videos if only for Billy's vooooooice omg omgaogmaiomdasl.

(COVERED IN BEES)

And thennnn we decided to walk around the Hall of Fame, which pretty much has tons of famous-y people shoved into this big room to sign autographs, and surprise, Billy was actually signing and the line wasn't long at all. After flailing so hard we nearly did cartwheels, we decided to just go ahead and go for it.

(And in defense of these horribly horribletastic pictures, I didn't want to blind the man with a flash, seeing as how he was probably getting a lot of that anyway, and omg indoor lighting WHY ARE YOU SO TERRIBLE.

Lord of the Rings was my first love, and finally meeting and speaking with someone who was a part of that? I died a little inside. MY FEELS. MY FEELS.

And then, of course, the cosplaying. I am so very tempted to go again next year and be a female Mal. Or maybe Chell from Portal a la the chick in the picture below. IDK MAN THESE PEOPLE ARE INSPIRING.

So. Badass.

Probably my favorite one lololol.

Having gone to both Dragon*Con and Comic Con now, I can say there are definitely a LOT of differences between the two. I do like how D*Con is more about the fans and has a way more relaxed atmosphere, but at the same time, it's RIGHT in the middle of downtown Atlanta, and feels so so so much more crowded and cramped than Comic Con does. D*Con is like constantly being in the middle of a mosh pit; at least at Comic Con, as crowded and crazy as it is, there are areas where you can kind of get away from the people for a bit, which I really need from time to time. I also think I like Comic Con a little bit more because of all the fame and fanfare going on; it's crazy but fun times.

In less than two weeks I'm leaving yet again to go to Minneapolis for my cousin's wedding, and I will, for the first time in my life not even joking, get to experience autumn. APPLE PICKING. Very excited.

I'm just coming off a dumb cold that knocked me on my ass thanks to some sick person from Dragon*Con. I was utterly miserable for a couple days, and now I've just got this awesome cough that just won't go away. Urgh.

Also uhhh, this is a little weird? But. I got Invisalign today. I had braces for 2.5 years in high school and wore my retainer for a long time after that. But the plastic on my retainer cut into my gums and hurt SO BAD that I finally called it quits. I should have just gone to my ortho and asked them to make me a new one, but I didn't, so now I have one tooth that's starting to turn all the way around again and affecting some teeth around it. If I didn't fix it now, it was gonna get worse, so. I don't think I need them for more than 6 months, so that'll be nice to have it taken care of. In the meantime, my teeth huuuurt. :(

And in case you were wondering, I 938472937% can't deal with the SPN S7 gag reel.

GDI

caithream @ 2012-08-08T18:36:00

2012-08-08T22:36:52Z

Question: who's going to Wincon?

Further question: who wants to room with ignited and me? :D???

PS, I FINALLY saw The Dark Knight Rises today and it was so stressful, I WAS SO STRESSED, but it was so so so good. The twist! THE ENDING! AHHHH.

soundtracks are the soundtracks to my life

2012-08-06T03:43:36Z

Y'all, the opening ceremonies to the Olympics were fucking spectacular. Yes I am late to see it because I was traveling!

Sidenote: my twitter name, sarahmonious, has to do with the Olympics. When I was young - I'm guessing it was during the 1992 Olympics - I heard the television say "opening ceremony" over and over and was so excited because I thought they were saying my name. My parents were tickled, of course, and "sarahmony" or "sarahmonious" has been my dad's nickname for me since I can remember. :D

I haven't been posting because I wanted to wait until I had an answer about getting the editing job - which I haven't yet. I was sent a second manuscript because she's so overloaded with clients. She went over the first manuscript I looked over and said I didn't do too great, but she acknowledges that was because that manuscript was a MESS. Still, it REALLY makes me worried about the second manuscript. I went over it twice, but, ughhh. I just don't know.

~~Because I'm still living at home~~ Somehow I'm traveling a ridiculous amount the rest of this year. I just got back from Georgia (where we picked up my sister; she's gonna be home for a few weeks, yay!) Salt Lake City at the end of August for a wedding, DragonCon at the end of August (!!!!!), Minnesota at the end of September for a wedding, Wincon in October, and sometime in October my friend and I are going to fly up to Lexington, Kentucky to visit another friend, mostly because the flights from a local airport here are SUPER CHEAP there. Can I just professionally travel for the rest of my life pls I mean I pretty much funnel all my money in that direction anyway.

I think I may have royally screwed up my left foot. I was exercising and I think I pulled a tendon going all the way down my arch? If such things are possible? It HURTS. And working at a job where I'm on my feet 95% of my day... yeah, not good. I'm calling a doctor tomorrow, because now I'm just scared of doing even more damage to my foot, not to mention throwing my hip and knees out of alignment because I keep limping on it funny for the past, um, 2 months or so. This is already on top of my right shoulder pretty much having the same problem: pulled tendon? Idk. It's stiff all the time with sharp pains and goes all the way up my neck, under my collar bone, and down my back. Ughhh why body why.

Back to the Olympics sucking my life away BYE.

caithream @ 2012-07-03T20:24:00

2012-07-04T00:24:23Z

Okay so: the 4th of July? Busiest day in my store for the entire year. We're a small store, no drive through, and this year we're expected to have at least 800 customers for just that day alone. It's because we're a store right on Main Street in a cute little downtown area, and a parade and all kinds of shenanigans go right past us.

No, just kidding, we'll be well over 800 people, because the day after we did our big store order (aka, the day when we order all our 5lb bags of coffee that we brew throughout the week), Starbucks announces the 4th is ~free tall coffee day. Do you remember how my last free tall coffee day went? Because I remember how my last free tall coffee day went. And this time it's going to suck even more.

I can't wait to coldly smash people's whiny delusions that they can substitute it for a free iced tall coffee, though. It's the little things.

I was in charge of ordering our milks, pastries, and cups though, so aaaahhhh I hope I got enough. Probably not. We'll have to do at least one milk run, I'm sure.

So yes, tomorrow I work 4:30am-12pm, though, lulz, I don't expect to get out of the store before 1:30. Relatives are coming over to our house for yummy eats, though, so I'll try to duck out as soon as I can. Prayer circle for me pls.

My mom is doing marginally better. A friend of the family dropped off a walker, and she's getting by pretty well with that. She accidentally bent a little too far over this morning though, and that almost completely set her back. I feel so so terrible. I was in tears and begging her to let me take her to the hospital this morning it was so bad. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

And thanks for the well-wishes about the (hopefully) new job! I'm about 2/3 done with the manuscript, and I hope the only reason it's taking so long is because it's aaaaawful. I feel terrible about it taking this long as I wanted to do a really really good job for my (hopefully) new boss on my very first go.

Also, we sold my mom's '92 Camry today to a single mom who was so grateful she sent us a thank you card. We're sad to see it go, since that car has a lot of memories from when I was growing up, but it's for a good cause.

Okay, time to get ready for bed even though I'll barely sleep because I'll be to anxious about tomorrow. Wah.