She's been dreaming and not sleeping

If you're born with a love for the wrote and the writ

c0ntrarywise — Fri, 01 Jul 2011 03:35:01 GMT

You guys, I must make a confession. It's hard to confess such a thing and I'm sure some of you will find yourselves disappointed in me. But, I feel I cannot lie any longer. Here goes: I am in love.

I just finished reading Johannes Cabal the Detective, sequel to Johannes Cabal the Necromancer and book that finds itself prior, at least in release date to Johannes Cabal the Fear Institute, which will be coming out in September *stars in eyes*

Anyhoo, the Detective. This book was decidedly funny shit. And so nerdy it hurts. But, the funny. Anywhere you turn, reviewers compare the style to Douglas Adams and Terry Pratchett, but I think, especially by this second book, Mr Howard (that's the author, keep up), has a decidedly unique voice and he uses it gloriously.

I tore through the first book while I was meant to be studying and was blown away by it. It was hilarious, incorporated steampunk in a fun way that avoided eyerolling on my part and actually made the story more intriguiging. It had a roadtrip (after a fashion), an excellent Satan, and sarcasm dripped from the pages. The characters had zero development and the plot was rather ripped from Faust and other influences, and it was definitely a 5 star book for me.

So, naturally, I went out and spent all that money I have readily available (:/) on the next book. And started it with far more a wimper than a bang. It seemed clear that either he had taken a writing class or editorial influence had taken over and his writing had been corrected to being technically excellent but rather soulless (ohoho, read the books, get the joke). Thankfully, it quickly caught it's stride again and took off running, being hilarious, razor-sharp in the wit department, and making such wild use of understatement that I was brought to tears of mirth more than once. The second book is superior to the superb first book, though there's a distinct lack of one of the characters I had rather hoped was slightly less abandonable. This one has the fantastic bonus of having a decidedly Sherlockian (well, Agathian - I like that word I just made up) tilt as well as pompous politics. Extra bonus, is that there's a faintly associated short story tacked to the end that is almost better than the book. I enjoyed every friggin minute, people, and I cannot wait for the next one.

Johannes Cabal is purportedly a sociopath and has a career that rather a number of people aren't terribly fond of. He carries a needlessly large gun because of a certain mathmatical weakness and is confused by women flirting with him. He's self-centred to the max but rather abhors many of the rather shitty things in the world (ooh, sidenote, there's this dude camped out on campus doing a hunger strike against prejudice in general and pretty much every other thing that ails our species. He's gonna be there for a while).

The author also seems awesome. He's obviously a nerd, calls his fans the Cabal Cabal (so punny), and writes stuff that makes me laugh, which puts him in a pantheon of rather fantastic writers. (He freakin tweeted that he artfully rearranged his books in a store and said it'd be his bad if the positioning ruined Neil Gaiman's career!)

And the Cabal Cabal even has an lj group!!! YAY :D I'm very much off to go join that apparently tiny fanbase. Assuming they let new people in :P

I leave you with a quote from Johannes Cabal the Detective to convince you to read it:

[Cabal has decided he's being "picked up," which seems like it's something he read about once. He decides flirting would be valuable to his plans]:
     "[some crap about fortune telling I'm too lazy to type...] 'A practioner of this piece of flummery would spin around on the spot until he got dizzy and fell over. The manner of the falling-over told the future of whoever has hired the gyromancer. I should think,' he added with an artful chuckle, 'that the true reading would invariably be "You will soon be gulled by a confidence trickster." '
     "There was silence for a few moments, and Cabal wondered if this would be a good time to turn and look as handsome as possible."

Hush, I liked the artful chuckle. A lot. Fine, another:

     "Cabal scowled. 'What's this? Psychoanalysis by coercion? "Tell me about your childhood, or else?" I didn't realise psychiatry has become so two-fisted.' He smiled at her for appearance's sake, but his eyes were sharp and dangerous. 'Don't think you can quantify me and put me in a thesis. A census taker once tried to test me. I let my front garden eat him.'
     " 'Your front garden?'
     "He wrinkled his nose. 'You didn't expect me to do it, did you?' "

Lolololol, get the reference? Get it get it get it?

GO READ THESE BOOKS. NOW. OR I MAY HAVE TO SIC THE "SPIES AND BANDITS AND ALL THAT" ON YOU.

It's the game seven of the Stanley Cup of the Heroes Poll!!

c0ntrarywise — Fri, 20 May 2011 08:14:24 GMT

This thing's nearly done, so I'm just gonna knock this round down: you guys beat Sherlock Holmes out of the ring. W-hell. Fine then. If you must. Actually, besides doing this whole damn thing so that Atticus Finch could win, I would have seen Mr Holmes in the top spot. The guy is an irredeemable asshole who cares for no one, and I love him for it. Actually, what makes him a hero is his dedication to a case, to the extent that he risks physical harm, degrading his health (not eating, thinking a problem is worthy of three pipes), and of extracting himself from life for three years.

In a related note, I finally read the entirety of A Study in Emerald and I adored it. Combining HP Lovecraft and Sherlock Holmes is possibly the stupidest idea in the universe (lol, bad crossover fic, etc), but that world of insanity to which Cthulhu and his ilk belong was made to be the truth of the logical world of Sherlock Holmes, so it worked (if loosely...). At any rate, give me an ending I like and I will adore your story forever. So, I can forgive the horrorface I had originally had at the premise (and at the first bit I had originally read). But, seriously, the story gets both worlds and Gaiman writes them well, so it's worth the half-hour it takes to read.

Was I doing something? Oh, yes, our top two. It's come down to The Doctor and the Snape. The man of belonging in a universe he's alone in and the man who's alone in the two worlds he's a part of. Anyhoo, on to the convincing arguements on why you should vote for one and not the other...

One is from the book series that owns my childhood, one is from the show that owns my Saturday nights (and not gonna lie, my ears when I'm all by myself, just in case I happen to hear some vworping. That said, I also checked the mailbox everyday for forever, because I was 10 when I started reading Harry Potter and I was sure my letter was just waylaid.). Yup, nerd.

At any rate, in vote-off show fashion, I'm now going to COMPLETELY REVERSE how this poll works and demand that you vote for the winner, not for the loser. If you do not vote for the person who you wish to win, then the other person will. So vote carefully.

View Poll: The holy crap pick a winner round of the Heroes Poll!

Today's hero is...

Dr Stephen T Colbert, DFA. This man is the one reason I am willing to stay up until 1 in the morning, ever. I'm kinda really in love with the dude. He's a total sweetheart, and his character is spot-on in terms of ridiculous punditry. Plus, he filmed two episodes in Vancouver, so he's always got a spot in my heart. I really hope the world doesn't end on Saturday - which Colbert has informed me is inevitable - as I'm not quite done watching his show :P

Heroes Poll: Round 16 (Captain Canuck should be damn proud of his team)

c0ntrarywise — Thu, 19 May 2011 06:05:45 GMT

I know it's only been about 24 hours since I posted the last round, but lots of you voted and were all but unanimous, so I figured it wasn't going to change much if I left it. The results: I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU. With a big damn majority, Atticus Finch has been eliminated. Looking back over the list, he's actually the only proper hero in the whole thing! When I was making the list yesterday, literally the only bad thing I could think of for him was that he let his daughter dress up as a ham for Halloween. Which is more adorably ridiculous than bad. The dude who bums around exterminating ENTIRE SPECIES (PLURAL) is still here for crap sakes! But, on with the show.

It's a Battle of the Brits for first place! The Detective, the Doctor, and the Professor all think they deserve not to have you kick him to curb (or kerb, if you will). At any rate, I'm mostly talking out of my ass. These are all characters you know, unless you live under a pile of rocks, so make your choice below, because we're down to the serious shit, peeps.

View Poll: Heroes Poll: Round 16

And today's honourable is gonna be: Kate Beckett.

I want to be this lady when I grow up. Admittedly, she doesn't always do what she's meant to, cop-wise, but she does what she does because she cares so so much about doing the right thing in her job. She cares deeply, always, and is sassy as fuck as she does it. Very cool woman and I hope I can have as much heart as she does in my future career (speaking of, I don't think my injection technique would kill anyone! Huzzah :D).

Heroes Poll: Round 15? (Was my entire list as white and male as the top ten?)

c0ntrarywise — Wed, 18 May 2011 05:09:15 GMT

You guys voted out Carl D: Look at that adorable old bastard! He's absolutely heartbroken you'd do that to such a wonderful, grandfatherly man.

At any rate, I have the guesstimates for the winner from those of you who submitted them. I won't look at them at all until the ending, so that I'm wholly unbiased for when I need to tie-break. Good luck if you wagered a guess, I'll see what I can do in terms of a prize :P

This means we're down to a final four!! And, much like a certain Marvel comic that decided the configuration requisite to their title wasn't selling issues, we've gotta knock that number down to three. The potential murder victims are: a bee-keeper with a weird thing for tobacco ash, a man with a ham-shaped daughter who can't save all the mockingbirds, a madman with a box and a penchant for rendering species extinct, and a saviour-saviour who is a right bastard about it and wallows in prejudice.

View Poll: Round 15

And, today's honourable is...

Gene Hunt.

Oh, just his name doesn't explain it to you? Huh... Okay, this poor old bastard has put up with all levels of shit as he works towards Doing The Right Thing (so you really hope as you watch his shows, because you've never been more attracted to a person you don't find attractive in your life), but he still manages to do it with style. Just note the Quattro! Anyhoo, I won't really tell you anything, except that he is a DCI in 1973 (Life on Mars) and 1982 (Ashes to Ashes) to two of the most by-the-book cops to ever grace tv. Luckily, he's the least by-the-book, so things even out. But, throughout these two series, something is occurring that you're never really sure about, until you get the greatest reveal in television history and the single greatest series finale that will ever exist. So, watch those shows. Just know that his name is rhyming slang. Go to work, imaginations.

Heroes Poll: Round 14 (It's the final countdown)

c0ntrarywise — Sun, 15 May 2011 05:43:02 GMT

You guys suck. It's my grandpa's birthday, so I made Carl safe. Thus, you knocked out Crowley and Aziraphale, two of the greatest chracters to ever walk the pages of any book. They were amazing and now they're gone. So, VOTE OUT SNAPE! Why is he still here?! Who are you people?! Gah!

On a much better note, HOW INCREDAMAZEBALLS WAS DOCTOR WHO? Fantastic, right? Right? No more, Eleven naysayers, no more. Plus, it was followed by The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy in my country, so the night was pretty much complete. I got to introduce someone to how wonderful Douglas Adams was.

At any rate, now is the next round, the next round is now.

Holy shit, are we down to our Top Five? Oh. Okay. Here's how this round will work: vote, but also tell me the ranking for the top 5 at the end of the day in the box I'll put below that. Go from first to be voted out to the winner (as such: Captain Loser, Mr Middling, Lady Supremely Awesome). I'll have a lame-ass (or potentially cool) prize for whoever comes the closest.

The Finals:
-Sherlock Holmes: A consulting detective who can tell you all about yourself from little more than the state of your shirt sleeves, who would probably have been able to tell you who exactly Saucy Jack was, were he given the case, and he would have done it all while being fantastic at playing the violin.
-Atticus Finch: A man who took on a case he'd already lost, just because it was the right thing to do and, in his occassionally stunted fashion, taught his children how to be good people.
-The Doctor: A lonely madman with a box, this guy has travelled the universe saving your ass and those of a ton of other people. Last of his species, he is pretty damn tragic (sometimes moreso than others), but he can always spare a cheeky grin.
-Carl Fredricksen: My grandpa. I mean, a defeated old man who has lost everything and failed and giving the woman he loved her dream. He overcomes his tragicness to save a child from a sucky youth - and, you know, death - and realizes just how great of a life he's had (and continues to).
-Severus Snape: Dude causes the death of the woman he loves and raises the child of that woman, knowing absolutely all the tragedies that kid will have to suffer. He allows himself to be played by the grandmaster of the Light and keeps the Dark (fairly) convinced he's with them. His life sucks and he sacrifices it to save the day.

View Poll: Heroes Poll: Round 14

And for a mention, have Batman vs Jesus.

Heroes Poll: Round 13 (Come up with your own stupid title)

c0ntrarywise — Thu, 12 May 2011 05:00:11 GMT

I was too lazy to pick one over the other, so I'm knocking out both Rincewind and Charlotte. You suck, I really like Rincewind. And, because it's my day, I reserve the right to randomly throw him back into the ring whenever I feel like. Ha.

Here's who we gots left:

View Poll: Heroes Poll: Round 13

My hero today? Motherfucking ME, you all. Why? Because I made it all the way through the year. Again.

But, also, the Canucks. Because they knocked out the Nashville Predators and - here's where it gets awesome - the horrid state that city belongs to is trying to ban talking about homosexuality in schools. So, suck it, homophobes! (PS: what the hell, Tennessee (or whatever), do you think it's like the name Betelgeuse, as Jon Stewart suggested? Say it too much and it makes it ~true~?). At any rate, the Canucks are on their way to the third round for THE FIRST TIME IN SEVENTEEN YEARS :D That's right, team, strut.

Heroes Poll: Round 12 (My boy, why not consider a more challenging career?)

c0ntrarywise — Mon, 09 May 2011 21:23:15 GMT

Thanks for helping with the tie, everyone :) You've decided on Roy Batty getting the boot. This guy was tough, edging his way into my list and all :D He really is a cool character, certainly my sole reason for repeatedly watching Blade Runner, and he will be missed :(

This is getting exciting! I have a lot of faith I'll be surprised by our finalists, especially as I expected Batman to go pretty far...

View Poll: Heroes Poll: Round Twelve

And today's hero is this video. Just this video.

(Potential spoilers for "The Curse of the Black Spot" DW 6x03)

Heroes Poll 11.5: Face-to-face-to-cephalothorax-off!

c0ntrarywise — Mon, 09 May 2011 01:16:47 GMT

You guyyyyyyys, there's a three-way tie and I am a lazy ass. So, pick whichever of these three you like least.

View Poll: Tie breaker

Thanks all.

Heroes Poll: Round 11 (Till his work was through and nothing to do but go on home)

c0ntrarywise — Sat, 07 May 2011 07:43:21 GMT

Very first, who-in-the-what-now, Fringe? Was this the last season? If so, yay, I loved the ending, though it wasn't quite as satisfactory as I would have liked. You see this, Supernatural? End your show before it sucks.

At any rate, Heroes Poll. You voted out - by the closest thing to a landslide my 8-or-so voters can give me - Andrew Beckett. This dude has never failed to make me cry, his struggle against prejudice and just plain wrong-doing is friggin' beautiful and I can only hope I'd be this strong were I ever to face such persecution. I'm sorry you're gone, sir. Bruce, play him out.

We're down to our top nine, now! The two character description posts are here and here. I feel like I should do something for the characters left, but I'm lazy. Below is a table with pictures, so that each person who gets knocked out from here on gets added humiliation.

(All pictures stolen maliciously from Google Images. Searching for Crowley and Aziraphale made me both excited for the miniseries that will be happening and caused me to despair of society. People are weird. A fact that was made all the more clear by searching Snape. I recommend not doing that.)

View Poll: Heroes Poll: Round 11

Have I honourably-mentioned Yossarian yet? He's from Catch-22, my tied-for-first favourite book in the universe. Pretty much the only guy you can relate to in a story full of crazies and opportunists, Yossarian is an American pilot who develops from the guy hiding in the hospital to a true hero as he is progressively ruined by what he sees in the war. And, often worse, what he sees on his own base. There's a hilarious movie based on the book, which doesn't compare to the book, but is well worth the watch. I'm going to share a scene that doesn't really show much of the movie - as I'd be loathe to spoil the experience - but it gives you a bit of a glance at the poignant use of ridiculousness in the book.

Heroes Poll: Round 10 (It's the final countdown!)

c0ntrarywise — Wed, 04 May 2011 04:02:17 GMT

I flipped a coin, so Benton Fraser bit it this round. Seems fitting, the Canucks suck, the government sucks, might as well kick out the Mountie. The dude is crazy - his dead father talks to him, frequently and casually - but he always gets his man. Plus, he looks good in the Serge.

Anyhoo, it's our top ten!! I'm busy, but I'll do a pretty top ~~ten~~ nine post for the next round, promise!

View Poll: Heroes Poll: Round Ten

Today's honourable mention is REAL heroes. People like Nelson Mandela, Mother Theresa, Rosa Parks, Lester B, Darwin, and the many many other people who said "fuck you, status quo" and decided to do something good, no matter what their personality or if their actions have been overstated. Please share with me who you think is a hero!

Heroes Poll: Round 9 (He's the hero Gotham deserves)

c0ntrarywise — Sat, 30 Apr 2011 06:52:27 GMT

You guys have voted off Batman. The goddamn Batman. And, though my massive obsession with this creepo might normally make me a little cheesed about this, you all HAVE THE MOST AMAZING OF TIMING, because I get to share this video as a result. Quick preface, I never really knew Batman that well when I was a kid. I crazy enjoyed the campy movies, from Jack Nicholson's Joker to the nipple suited films and I always will, but I found I was more Marvel as a kid. Spiderman and the X-Men ruled the day then. But, when I came to learn more about Bats, I loved the shit out of the dude. He has so many issues. So, so many. And it makes him the greatest of heroes, because he literally creates his own villains (some arcs have played with this amazingly). If there were no Batman, there would be no Joker, no Catwoman, and certainly no Two-Face, whose origin Batman plays a massive role in, in comics as well as the lovely Nolan movies. Far and away my favourite superhero, largely because he isn't super at all. Anyhoo, video. Revel in this thing:

Awesome, right? Now, this is a big round people, it's time to decide our Final Ten :D Whoever we knock out here really sucks, because they miss the big showdown. Let's get to it, shall we? Remember again to check my two character posts if you don't recognize someone. Of course, better yet, seek out the source!

View Poll: Heroes Poll: Round 9

May the worst hero lose :D

EDIT: Oh! I forgot my Not Hero, but I'm lazy now, sorry, so check this article about the reaction to Superman's comments in Action Comics #900. It links to the Comics Alliance article where there's all manner of rightwing American crazy being spewed about Supes' plans on a more global focus. Which makes sense, he actually doesn't have a longform birth certificate: he's an alien (and created by a Canadian, so ha). Being able to image the troubles of a single planet (and a single species thereon) isn't terribly alarming. So, actually, my Not Hero of the day is: Crazy Americans. Teapartiers have to at least be playing somewhat of a role. They're too fucking insane. And, I'm a touch disappoint, Obamarama, for giving in to a man with hair that fake.

(Also, on a vaguely hero-related note: Fuck ya, Canucks!)

Heroes Poll: Round 8 (Mutually-assurred destruction)

c0ntrarywise — Wed, 27 Apr 2011 21:38:47 GMT

Oh dear, it seems my handy-dandy tie-breaker has broken. That means that this round I'm knocking out both Antonio Salieri and Westley (or, the Dread Pirate Roberts). Bad luck, dudes. Salieri was in my favourite movie and was ridiculously sympathetic for a man who wanted to kill the greatest musician to ever live solely to steal a little greatness and Westley was probably the character who's ever come close to inpiring romantic notions in me. Screw Mr Darcy, that guy's a prude, I wanted a dashing pirate to tumble down a cliff (and, you know, die) for me. Mostly, he's hilariously competent in a movie filled with those who are much less so...

It looks like that brings us down to our final 12. Oooh, ahhh. Anyhoo. Check out the descriptions for our remainders, weep over the bodies of those we've lost so far (Alan Shore D:), or just admire my awesome work at doing character descriptions ici et ici. Choose wisely, peeps.

View Poll: Heroes Poll: Round 8

My Not Heroes of the day are:

The ENTIRE CAST of Black Books. People might think that the characters that graced Seinfeld were selfish and horrid, but they are nothing compared to these three. Wretchedly codependent, because absolutely no one else wants to be anywhere near them, they forever belittle and use each other to their own ends. Bernard and Manny's relatioship is especially twisted, varying with the winds between a bitter husband-and-wife dynamic to a petulant child and their beleagured child (who is the child and who is the parent is also variable). Bernard also has to be the worst shop owner in history, drinking and smoking his way through the day sitting in his shop and trying to scare people out of buying his books. They're all FANTASTIC people and this is probably one of the funniest shows in history. I'm glad they suck so bad at being even vaguely good :)

Heroes Poll: Round 7 (Heroes don't exist. And even if they did, I wouldn't be one.)

c0ntrarywise — Sun, 24 Apr 2011 20:05:19 GMT

Well, you've gotten your way. And wrecked my soul in the process :P Alan Shore is the victim this round. He was killed on the balcony, with curare in his scotch. Boston Legal was/is my favourite show in the universe, I loved absolutely every minute of that show. Alan's huge, gorgeous speeches to (inevitably) win his case at the end of each episode was always inspired, and more than once led me to tears, especially when he'd bring up his best friend, Denny Crane, who was slowly succumbing to Alzheimer's. The man who never got close to anyone finds a soul mate (if in a plutonic way) with Denny and his heroism is the bravery he shows in the face of this disease and willingness to support his friend through to the end. He's my greatest hero and it hurts a little to see him go.

But, on we must, so here's the next round! I've updated the character descriptions to mark who's been knocked out. You can see those here and here. Also, you've totally been knocking out the people at the top of the list, read the list through before voting!

View Poll: Heroes Poll: Round 7

Today's Not A Hero is brought to you by Twilight:

Yes, yes, I know some of you will wail against this, but I actually don't apologize at all. You voted out my hero and I'm feeling a touch vindictive :P But, seriously, I don't think either of these two characters are heroic (or even realistic) in the least. I appreciate the author's attempts to make teen issues the topic of her books - sex, daddy issues, probably other stuff - but the execution... fumbles at best, for me. The character of Bella is more of a Mary Sue than the awesome mind!fanfiction character I created as a kid and simply planted into whichever world I liked at the time to go be awesome and stuff. Average girl who no less than three men are in love with, who is clumsy and stupid - but endearingly so - and who thinks of absolutely nothing but sex and ultimately get it with the sexy and mysterious vampire. A vampire who STANDS OVER HER BED AND WATCHES HER SLEEP BEFORE THEY ARE EVEN INTRODUCED TO EACH OTHER. No way, nope, back off, stalker.

Bella stupidly wanders down back alleys while looking confused and doesn't consider for a moment that it might be a trap leading her to that ballet place. The vampire, knowing he'll ultimately kill her, does absolutely nothing to distance himself from her except act tragic, which of course endears her overly (crazy overly) romantic ideals. At least they destroy each other and mostly leave other people out of it.

Also, Canucks play tonight and they are honourary Not Fucking Heroes. Asshats. They're starting Luongo. I want to rip out my hair.

Heroes Poll: Round 6 (I'm holding out for a hero til the morning light)

c0ntrarywise — Sat, 23 Apr 2011 03:34:45 GMT

Okay, thanks to a website or something voting - thanks, website! - we have a definite loser for this round. Now, weep like you would for the cancellation of Firefly, because it's beleagured John Coffey who got the boot this round D: To be honest, I'm not as heartbroken as I could be, I love the movie and find his character a ridiculously good person, but this fact makes him kinda unexciting as a character. Also, this means that Westley lives to fight another day, bitches!

Excitingly, this brings us down to our Top 15! Shit's about to get real. Also, I think for the next few rounds, I'm going to do Not A Hero, rather than honourable mentions. Anybody got a suggestion for a Not Hero?

View Poll: Heroes Poll: Round 6

I Hate Superman:

Okay, admittedly, he's not really Not A Hero, but I cannot stand this bastard. He's all but a god, so seriously, where's the conflict? Oh no, he's a sad alien who's species is dead and he cannot find the comfort he needs in the arms of humanity. Well, guess what, Clarky? The Doctor is in the same boat and (while he's not being a certain rather emo numerical) all he really cares about is bowties. And running. No, instead you have to emo your way across the country, on foot. You don't even have the decency to stay dead! Plus, Superman is a dick.

Heroes Poll: Round 5 (Zero to hero, just like that (zero to hero in no time flat!))

c0ntrarywise — Wed, 20 Apr 2011 21:14:26 GMT

... I think I need some hero-y song suggests for the titles, people.

For a glorious first, we have a clear loser this round: Jessica Fletcher. But, this is okay. We all know she had to have roamed around the country and killed people, setting up loved ones and coworkers for the crime and writing books about it. She was always far far too conveniently just where an interesting murder happened to be taking place. I love ya, because you're Mrs Potts, but I don't buy your kindly old lady bit for a minute, Jessica. Which isn't why I love this character - it really is coincidence, most of the time - but I like the menacing possibility :)

View Poll: Heroes Poll: Round 5

Today ya get Bilbo Baggins.

(Most of the pictures were definitely of his crazy!face when he's trying to get the ring back...)

I had him on my potentials list and I fear I passed over him far too hastily. When I was a kid, my dad bet me $100 that I couldn't read the Hobbit and the Lord of the Rings all within a month. He was right (curse you, Gandalf's really long speech!), but I was 8 or so. At any rate, he kicked off a love within me for fantasy books. By the time I finished those, it was just in time for me to read ...some other junk. But shortly there after, I was in time to be the first person in my school to read Harry Potter :) But, of JRR's stuff, Bilbo was definitely far and away my favourite. His haste to leave Bag End, despite being so very hesitant to go anywhere, his constant wishes to be sat by his fire with some tea and one of the jillion meals he eats in a day, and the fact that HE SAVES THE DAY AND EVERYONE SIMPLY BY BEING A LEVEL-HEADED BUNDLE OF AWESOME have seriously endeared me to the dude. That's right, Bilbo rules. Plus, he's good at riddles and I believe I've mentioned wit is a much beloved trait by myself. So, I should have stuck him in, but I didn't.

Heroes Poll: Round 4 (I ain't seen nothin like him in any amusement hall)

c0ntrarywise — Tue, 19 Apr 2011 00:01:04 GMT

(Two awesome things first: Canucks won the third game (solely on the back of Luongo, which always rubs me the wrong way, but...)! And, I'm done Anatomy :D)

Oh people, more of you need to vote or something. I had to use my patented Tie-Breaking Powers again, because we had a tie between Alan Shore and Jean Valjean and, although I think the latter is actually painfully heroic (maybe the most so of all on the list), I like Alan more, so he's gone. So, Jean Valjean of Les Miserables was our victim this round.

I need for you to vote for the hero you want kicked off the island, get it? DO NOT vote for the hero you consider most heroic (or simply the one you wish to win). Vote for the hero you do not want to see holding the title at the end of this thing. Oui? Don't forget to check out the character descriptions hier und da (da da).

View Poll: Heroes Poll: Round 4

Honourable mention (drumroll):

Buffy Summers

Her name is actually written in my list then crossed out and replaced. No, I do not know why. Except for that ridiculous movie, this chick kicks ass. Sure, she has some heavy-handed emo to battle with far too often, but so did Ten and everyone loved the crap out of him (oh dear, I fear I may be getting cynical in my old age). At any rate, this show was hilarious, I wanted to be her when I grew up, and she single-handedly changed the North American colloquiality (possibly a made-up word). I invested myself in her a lot when I was a kid, actually, from her traumas with Angel and Faith to the will-they-or-won't-they (ugh) with Spike - and Giles (shut up) - to the simple stress of that stupid exam. She was awesome and I frickin love the episode with Dracula.

Heroes Poll: Round 3 (We can be heroes - just for one day)

c0ntrarywise — Fri, 15 Apr 2011 01:27:30 GMT

Alrighty, round update, hockey and flat cleaning got in the way yesterday :P We have a clear loser today: Raven, from Haida myth. And fuck you guys. Nah, I'm bugging you, but still, I do love the crap out of that character. But, because I don't really have much to share from him, try some other Tricksters some time.

So, round three. We're left with an imprisoned superhero/Hand of God, a consulting detective, a Replicant of cool proportions, a fugitive with a secret heart of gold, the lawyer who taught me life isn't fair, an alien who really enjoys running, a lawyer who could talk a storm out of landing, a Mountie who probably has some very deeply hidden issues, an exemployee who ain't going to take that without a fight, an old man with a goal and a rather boy scout-ish barrier to it, a spider who would be an excellent mom if biology didn't step in the way of that, two angels (one ex) who really don't want the ride to be over yet, an extremely nosey writer who knows who dun it, a nonwizard with an ~~idiot~~ tourist problem, a grumpy teacher who saves the day, a composer with a mediocrity problem, a pirate with a crush, and a caped crusader who hopefully has his rabies shots. Exciting lineup, peeps.

I need for you to vote for the hero you want kicked off the island, get it? DO NOT vote for the hero you consider most heroic (or simply the one you wish to win). Vote for the hero you do not want to see holding the title at the end of this thing. Oui? Don't forget to check out the character descriptions hier und da (da da).

View Poll: Heroes Poll: Round Three

Instead of giving an honourable mention today, I'm going to give you this link to an article on what makes a comic book a hero. Or a villain. It's all stuff most of you have already guessed in your lives, but still a worthy read. The psychologist cites four villains that believe themselves heroes: Poison Ivy, Magneto, Ozymandius, and Lex Luthor. I very nearly included one of these people on my heroes list, actually. So, check it out!

Also, if anyone knows the arc where Superman is raised instead by Lionel Luthor and wants to share its title, I would LOVE to read it.

Finally: go to Sing it for Japan and buy Sing by My Chemical Romance for the Red Cross.

Heroes Poll: Round 2 (I need a hero)

c0ntrarywise — Tue, 12 Apr 2011 04:04:34 GMT

Alright, I clearly have no friends (emo~), so there weren't tons of votes, but I didn't give you much time either. So, I broke a tie that had occurred with my awesome tie-breaking prowess, and kicked out the humans. Oh, we all knew they were going to be wiped out anyways and that a race of hyper-intelligent apes would take their place and that some dude would show up, only to learn that he's been on Earth the entire time. And also that Soylent Green is people. Both of which he yells in a manner that could only have influenced Luke's "NOOOOO!" in Star Wars during My Favourite Scene Ever. Where was I? Oh yes, round two.

Copypasta, as I am lazy:

I need for you to vote for the hero you want kicked off the island, get it? DO NOT vote for the hero you consider most heroic (or simply the one you wish to win). Vote for the hero you do not want to see holding the title at the end of this thing. Oui? Don't forget to check out the character descriptions hier und da (da da).

This poll is screaming "pimp me, pimp me!" much like our poor protagonist in The Fly (it is obviously Old Movie Reference Day). Anyhoo, I will stop leeching your time. Vote, and if you don't know a character, read the crumpeting description, okay? I have handy dandy links above.

View Poll: Heroes Poll: Round 2

And, as promised, an honourable mention: Mulan:

I kinda love Mulan. I didn't include her because it makes my eyes roll that she's only valuable to society as a male and that her grand prize for her heroism is get a man, but I still like her. She decides that the life decided for her just ain't her style and when the nation is called to war, begs to join the troops. When denied, she flips a big ole bird to everyone and does it anyway, potentially soiling her family's standing forever. But, she kicks major ass because she's got a brain, unlike the males (oh, stereotypes), and she saves her country in the end. Ya, awesome. Just check this scene (which includes a song that will get stuck in your head):

Heroes Poll: Round One (Fight!)

c0ntrarywise — Sun, 10 Apr 2011 05:50:28 GMT

I changed my mind. Now I'm watching Watchmen. Still full of shitty parts, but those opening credits will never fail to inspire awe in me.

Anyhoo, here's the first round of the Heroes Poll *cheers from the crowd* I'm going to say don't spare a character simply because they appear in your favourite show (ie. The Doctor), but in reality, I don't give a crap how you vote. Though feel free to share your reasoning in the comments! I need for you to vote for the hero you want kicked off the island, get it? DO NOT vote for the hero you consider most heroic (or simply the one you wish to win). Vote for the hero you do not want to see holding the title at the end of this thing. Oui? Don't forget to check out the character descriptions hier und da (da da).

Also, I'm leaving this post open, so if you think others would be interested, feel free to pimp this out!

View Poll: Heroes Poll: Round One!

Do you guys want me to do an "honourable mention" thing like I did (on occasion) for the villains poll? Lemme know!

Heroes Poll: Character Description Post (Part 2)

c0ntrarywise — Thu, 07 Apr 2011 22:41:24 GMT

Oh dear, I had to pick twenty people, because I'm bad at life. I've already given you ten, here's the rest of them:

Andrew Beckett (Philadelphia):
I think I implied before that I like films that make me cry. This one is the master of that. Andrew works in a conservative law firm and has kept his sexuality hidden from his bosses. He also has AIDS. When someone in the firm notices his deteriorating health and then a lesion, the company jumps to All The Conclusions and fires him, with only some half-assed excuse to cover themselves. Andrew Beckett decides not to take this and seeks out a lawyer for a wrongful dismissal suit. Naturally, everyone seems to have their plates full and can't take on his case. In his last attempt, he convinces a homophobe to take the case. In the course of the trial, Andrew manages to convince his lawyer that gay people are indeed people and that the case really is worth fighting for. The lawyer delivers one of the most beautiful closing arguments in history and Andrew wins his case. Because this movie is nothing but a heart-rending tragedy that makes me cry for two-ish hours straight, he dies at the end. But he lived to see his case won, proving he's a hero to himself. More importantly, he's a hero to society. This movie came out in a time when people thought you could get HIV from a fucking toilet seat. Putting such a human face to the disease did amazing things for lessening the stigma of HIV/AIDS, if it naturally couldn't quell it all. Plus, anyone Bruce Springsteen writes a song for must be a hero.

Carl Fredricksen (Up):
To many people, it is absolutely no secret that I love my grandpa. We moved in with my grandparents when I was very young and stayed there for a number of years. Until recently, my grandpa has never been far off. He also has a ridiculously adorable story regarding the wooing of my granny and is pretty much a superhero (seriously, there was a tractor incident...). Anyhoo, I see him in the grumpy old man from Up. Almost in how different they are. Mr Fredricksen is so attached to the life he no longer leads that it's heartrending. His attempts to protect the mailbox just about destroyed my soul. He was so disappointed that he hadn't provided the life he had promised his wife that he couldn't do anything with his life once she'd left it. What I find heroic about him is a number of things. That he wants to honour his wife by making that trip to Paradise Falls, that he sacrifices that very mission (at the end) for some random kid, and that he didn't know that he had indeed helped his wife had the very adventure she hadn't known she wanted. Most importantly, it's when, at the end, he pins that damn badge on the kid's scarf. As a girl guide whose dad never would have been there for that, my heart exploded with love for this guy. You rock, Mr Fredricksen.

Charlotte (Charlotte's Web):
If I'm frank (but I'm not, and don't call me Shirley, hurhur), what I remember most clearly about this book is that it's how I learned to spell the word stomach, because the rat gets a stomach ache from eating too much junk food at the fair. A close second though, is the end of the book, when Charlotte's children fly off into the sunset on their little web parachutes. Because Charlotte will not be flying off into the sunset. I think this was my first experience with the fact that the hero doesn't always make it. Runty Wilbur the pig is sold to a farm who plans on eating him for Christmas. Once the residents of the barn learn of this plan, Charlotte - at first a frightening character - reveals her cunning plan to save his life. She spins her web into words, such as "some pig" to encourage the farmer not to slaughter Wilbur. She continues, sure that fame would save Wilbur's life. She gets this pig all the way to the state fair, thereby saving his (now rather cushy) life. Charlotte receives no accolade and dies at the fair. Her only reward is that a grieving Wilbur manages to get the eggs she had lain back to the farm. After I read this book, I made it my goal to avoid killing spiders whenever possible, despite that Arachnida and I don't always agree.

Crowley and Aziraphale (Good Omens and soon to be "Good Omens" :DDD) (art by linnpuzzle):
I feel that my life is lacking in that I only just read this book a few years ago. And I've already read it three times, more than any other book I've happened upon in my life. These two characters are by far the largest reason for this. I debated between saying that all the characters in this book are heroic (well, the heroic ones, at least), but I felt I should be specific. These two watch humanity from the very start. Quite literally. Crowley begins his time as Crawly. A snake. In Eden. And Aziraphale is the guardian of the East gate, where he gives a certain pair of humans a flaming sword to help them out in the big bad world. This isn't to say they really effect humanity in any way - Crowley didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition (no one does). The pair of them become friends over the century and partner to ruin a kid's education and prevent the Apocalypse. I won't hold it against them that they picked the wrong kid. At the end of the day, they are awesome and use that very fact to save the day, with a bit of help. Them walking towards where Satan's emerging, wings extended, is my favourite image of the book.

Jessica Fletcher ("Murder, She Wrote"):
I did not begin my fascination with sleuthing in any of the normal avenues. The earliest Sherlock Holmes experience I remember is some random one where the guy is killed by a "vampire" that is really a garden trowel and I loathed that Nancy Drew got to solve crimes in daddy's fancy car while my family couldn't afford this field trip or that hockey fee. I watched this crazy old lady who was always very conveniently wherever a murder happened to be occurring. But, when I wasn't mind-convicting her of all the crimes she solves, I thought she was awesome at solving crimes. The way the show was filmed, you could always see everything she would later point out as valuable, the important thing was whether you could piece it together. She worked hard to find the truth and taught me the importance of observation, a skill that should serve me well as a nurse. Or at the very least it led to my love of mystery. Thanks, Jess.

Rincewind (the Discworld, just in general, but imma focus on early days):
What a wuss. This guy spends more time trying to get away from everything and anything than he does doing any manner of magic. This, of course, could be because the one spell he knows won't let any other in. Luckily, he also enjoys the idea of a quick buck, so when Twoflower, a tourist (which means "idiot"), shows up, he's quick to take on the job of guide and escape the risks of the big city. And though he fights valiently against it, this gets him into a number of Adventures and by the end of The Light Fantastic he saves the entire world, its elephants, and the giant turtle all that sits upon. He is the bane of Death's existence, (kinda) convinces a man-eating trunk to trust him, and winds up working for a librarian orangutan. My heart still hasn't recovered from the gaping wound caused by Twoflower being done with his trip and returning home. I weep for you, Rincewind, my beloved chickenshit.

Snape. Snape. Severus Snape. (the Harry Potter series):
Snape has to be the most long-suffering hero in history. Approximately 17 years worth, excluding his emo youth. But, from about the time one Harry Potter enters this world, life becomes a bit of a pain in Snape's ass. The above picture from the movies makes it a bit obvious, but my favourite part of Snape is the debate of whether he's a double agent or a double double agent or... Though the solution is hardly hard to reach, there's always a few moments that bring some doubt. His psychotic break at the end of HBP being a prime example. Anyways, through some miracle (and a hell of a lot of talent), this guy manages to keep a celebrity with a hero complex alive long enough to reach his battle with Voldemort, teaches the kid the skills needed to win (with the added bonus of berating him while he does so), points out the location of the item needed to destroy the Horcruxes, and secrifices himself to ensure that the true wielder of that fancy wand remains hidden until the end. Not to mention all the many background things he accomplishes. He manages to keep up two lives, help plan Harry's fate for 17 years, and maintain a grumpy demeanor while he is secretly a total romantic. I may have wept like a child when Dumbles dies ("I do trust you, Harry" D:), it was nothing compared to my retched moping following Snape's murder, though I knew the literature laws demanded his redemptive death for his past actions. He turned his life around and didn't let anyone figure this fact out. He's awesome and will be sorely missed.

Antonio Salieri (Amadeus):
Disregard the realness of this person, he obviously didn't slowly kill Mozart in real life. Okay, you might be thinking something along the lines of WUT? in regards to this choice, but hear me out, because it's my favouritest movie and I need him to be here. Salieri is the patron saint of mediocrity, as he so sanely puts it at the end of the film. This guy is living the good life. He's a talented composer, if unremarkable, and hold's a high position in the court as a result. Then, out of nowhere, this kid - Salieri's idol - shows up and proves himself a dolt. A dolt who has been graced by God (according to Salieri) wiith the gift of music. Our main man is devastated. His faith is so broken by the fact this feckless brat (Mozart, just so you know) received this gift and not he, he who prayed so hard for it and was so open to receive God, that he decides to steal Mozart's talents. He launches an elaborate plan which prevents him from seeing just how much Mozart respects and wants the recognition of the older man. The climax of the movie is ~~amazing~~ the writing of Mozart's own death march, which Salieri aids in, though he can't grasp how something so momentous comes together. The process has nearly killed Mozart, but the song is nearly done. Moazart's wife arrives back home, notices the sheet music, and forces out Salieri. He has killed the greatest musician who ever lived and received absolutely no recognition. Like the most desperate of heroes, he abandons everything to reach his lofty goal and he fails. The king of the mediocre.

Westley (The Princess Bride):
Literally one of my earliest memories (besides that weird dream with the floaty aliens and Granny chasing me around a dogwood tree because I'd done something bad) is the scene where Westley and Vizzini battle to the death with nothing but their wits. Now, I know that by this point I had been exposed to Superman, Bond, and their ilk, but I hadn't had an experience with the power of intellect yet. It changed my life. Since then, I cannot handle willful ignorance (situational is tolerable) and I value intelligence above all other elements of a hero's tool belt. Wit beyond measure and all that. What's awesome about Westley, is that on top of having the intellect and romance over brute force and cynicism is that he is also the Dread Pirate Roberts (spoiler). So, he has the capacity to best Inigo Montoya, the very best of swordsmen, and Fezzik, a man more used to taking on at least a dozen other people. And why is he doing all this? Because he's in love. D'awww. He gives up his liberty and his life because his love wishes (or not, as is the case) it so.

Batman (please, you know where he's from by now. Right behind you, assuming you're a bad person.):
And finally, what would a heroes list be without the man that allowed our winning villain to come into being? He's a terrible hero, because he is a huge danger magnet by staying in Gotham, attracting nutjobs like Buffy brings vamps to Sunnydale, but he's also very good at what he does - stopping them. Batman wants revenge on crime. Crime is what took his parents from him in the aptly-named Crime Alley when he was a child, crime is what spurred him to pick up his mantle, and crime is what continues to lay him low with blow after blow. The original Batman, Bruce Wayne, was so beaten by his time in the cowl that, after crawling back through time to make it home, he has passed on the role officially to Dick Grayson and hired a swath of other Batmen to watch over the world. Don't think he allowed death to lay him low, though, in part because Batman has become more than just Bruce Wayne, but also because he will doggedly battle crime until his death, as The Dark Knight Returns - Miller's seminal arc - would readily attest to. He will never kill and this makes him heroic, if stupid. His persistence in maintaining his morals has allowed the Joker and the rest of the rogue's gallery to time and again through Gotham into strife, but you can be assured that before too long a signal will light up the night sky and your worst nightmare will come swooping out of the shadows.

I'm sorry I had to pick twenty characters, people! Again, feel free to try to convince me I'm wrong in my list-making. I have a serious dearth of females, which is heartbreaking. Mulan, Kate Beckett, Buffy, and Starbuck all would have been worthy additions. The polls will start soon. Tomorrow, maybe?

Heroes Poll: Character Description Post (Part 1)

c0ntrarywise — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 19:33:06 GMT

Thanks so much for your input, everyone. I figured it's time I let you know why (supposing you didn't click the handy link I provided before). I did a villains poll a while ago and I enjoyed it, so now I'm going to bother you with a Heroes Poll!!!

This poll will work the same way as its villainy counterpart. I will give you a poll and you tell me who is your least hero or the one you feel is the least heroic. I don't really give a toss how you decide. Just make sure it's you DO NOT pick the character you hope will win it. I had about 100 times more trouble compiling this list than I did with the villains, so there won't be a vote with this post, that'll come tomorrow. In the meantime, feel free to convince me to trade one of my characters for one of yours. If I like your arguement, I WILL change the list. Lay it on me! To the list:

I will be the first to admit, I think the villain is a more important aspect of a story than the hero. But, you give me a good hero and I will come back to that story time and again. And so will everyone else. There is a very specific reason why many characters can be considered The Hero With A Thousand Faces. Even heroes like Herakles/Hercules and those who influenced his creation have persisted to this day. There is a heroic vein that has changed very little over the centuries and even across the cultures. And most everyone can be a hero, the qualifications aren't huge.

"The reason I don't worry about society is, nineteen people knocked down two buildings and killed thousands. Hundreds of people ran into those buildings to save them. I'll take those odds every fucking day." - Jon Stewart

That said, the line between hero or not is so thin that a hero may not even be courageous or moral or even good. They may well have stumbled upon it. We could well argue until next year about whether doing a good thing for a bad reason or a good thing in a bad way makes you a hero (and I'm seriously always willing to aruge this crap), the beautiful thing is that there is room for arguement. A hero is rarely quite so cut and paste as a villain. Which brings me to my list. Some of these characters will leave you scratching your head. One or two may even be the antagonists and supposed Bad Guys of their media. But here they are. I hope you enjoy it. That you discuss, argue, complain. That you think a little about heroism. That maybe, just maybe, you're encouraged to do a little hero-ing of your own, in your own way.

Sherlock Holmes (The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes, to name one of many appearances):
Moreso than E.A. Poe's orangutan-battling sleuth, a certain Mr Holmes of 221b Baker Street was the first detective to launch into popularity. CSI, House, noir films, and the acerbic Gene Hunt would not exist were it not for the aloof gumshoe who wandered the streets of Victorian London with his faithful ~~blogger~~ Boswell never far behind. In fact, one could argue against the existance of a good many characters were this man not to have seen the "scarlet thread of murder running through the colourless skein of life" and took his Irregular methods to unravelling it. And damn, but he did it with style. Based on Dr Joseph Bell, the detective used his keen eye and knowledge of criminal history to solve the most perplexing of mysteries and so captured the attention of his audience that when Sir ACD gave him the (second) greatest antagonist of all time and tossed Holmes off a cliff to be done with these cheap thrillers, the fans grew so outraged that the author was forced to concoct a duex ex machina and bring Holmes back to life. And he wasn't even a cop.

John Coffey (The Green Mile):
I think I have something for Stephen King's heroes, because I agonized between picking Mr Coffey (like the drink, only not spelled the same) and Andy Dufresne of The Shawshank Redemption. But the end decision was very simple. In a time when to be black is to be one who is lying, John Coffey is convicted of the rape and murder of the two white girls who live on the farm on which he works and sentenced to death. The guards on the Green Mile to which this gigantic man arrives quickly learn that he is about as harmful as Mr Jingles, the resident mouse, though this does little to dispel their fear of him. Over the course of one of the only movies that never fails to make me cry, it is revealed that Coffey has been given an incredible gift, even beyond his ability to win the hearts of his captors. He cures a urinary tract infection, cancer, and one of the most vile cretins to ever exist of his sanity. He also brings the only solace available to a man who dies in the most horrible of manners - the continued life of a friend. In the end, irregardless of his lacking education, John Coffey reveals the true monster and clears his name, but relents to the weight of carrying all of the pain in the world and is executed, though not before having the one reward he can think to want. This is a crushing movie about the price of heroism and I love it with a vast proportion of my heart.

Roy Batty (Blade Runner, Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?):
Goddamn, this is a scary character. I only recently saw the whole of this movie, because as a kid I'd invariably fall asleep through it. I NEVER slept once this guy takes over the third act. But, though I like him, I'm leaving it up to drarryxlover to explain why he's a hero:

Roy has something that many human heroes don't, especially in comparison to Deckard, he has a "sense of poetry, a sense of humour, a sense of sexuality, a sense of the kind, sense of soul." Everything Roy is doesn't belong in the world that BladeRunner is set. He is confident in himself and his beliefs, in my mind he isn't a muderer the way Deckard is. Roy protects Pris, he laments with such rawness over her body and he avenges her death. But he saves Deckard, the man he coud and would kill, the man who took away his friends and his lover.

Roy is emotional, something we don't see in Deckard, Roy loves freely and wholeheartedly. In the end he is forgiving and truly heroic, by saving another person. He is continually physically strong throughout the film and ends up dying on his terms "time to die" and the dove flies away form his limp hand, a symbol of his soul. A symbol and a concept that is missing form both the other replicants and the real humans.

Roy is unequivically human. He has memories "I've seen things you people wouldn't believe..." memories that Deckard, the audience and everyone else on earth would never, ever see. He sees humanity for what it is, failing.

Roy is like a fallen angel, in the traditional sense of one that has followed Lucifer from Heaven and fallen, he is the last Aryan left after Pris is killed he appears to come straight from Blake's America: A Prophecy "fiery the angels fell." He becomes the Prodigal Son when he visit Tyrell and then Christ-like on the rooftop with Deckard. A nail through his hand, saving the 'bad man' bringing himself down to that level, literally, and letting death take him. His beautiful rhetoric and his prose and his goodness bleed through his speech and into the audience, we empathise with this man who has lost so much and cannot get back, cannot have another chance at life.

Roy is a hero because he evokes emotions in the viewer, he shifts personas in a way making a part of him more accessible. He saves a person from death, he loses the woman he loves to death and he gives himself up for death.

"I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. attack ships on fire of the shoulder of Orion, c-beams glitter in the dark near the Tanhauser Gate. All those moments lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to die."

(You know you like long descriptions. Thanks for convincing me, drarryxlover!)

Jean Valjean (Les Miserables):
Jean Valjean is a douchebag. He breaks the law, then pisses and moans about being in jail and how his escape attempts garnered him more time in the clink. After his release, he lies to get a few sous and steals from the one man who shows him any kindness at all. Realising the horror of this act, he determines to turn his life around and then promptly steals a coin from a child, all the money he had in the world. But, to prove my earlier point about how anyone can be a hero, Jean Valjean decides he's had enough and completely turns himself around. He brings a town prosperity and becomes its benevolent mayor, he saves the daughter of the woman he loved from a life of servitude, he cares for others and does good work. Throughout, he continues to lie, steal, and doggedly protect the child, Cosette, from living any manner of life, in an attempt to avoid capture by the cop who has decided Valjean is his white whale. In the end, in the heat of battle, he releases the cop who has made his life misery, though he could have easily killed him, he fights with the "good guys," and he saves the man Cosette loves (though Valjean had tried desperately to keep this from occurring), trudging through kilometres of sewer carrying a wounded man. He turns himself in and allows Cosette to marry. His kind actions set him free, but that he had gone willingly is truly heroic.

Raven (Haida myth):
Unlike most other myth-bases, from Christianity to old West African myths, the Haida people don't actually have any gods. Their myths focus on the power of Nature and the characters come straight from the world around them. What is very cool (I think) is that, much like most other myth-bases, from the Christian Devil to Anansi himself, is that they do have a Trickster. The Raven is that chracter. He is also the star of the show, if you will. Before I start, you have to know that the Raven hails from before the time of actual ravens and he is simultaneously a raven and anthropomorphic, which is how he can do the things he does. He is petty and selfish and has a very twisted sense of humour. From very early childhood, he has been my favourite character from myth. He disguises himself as a fishmonger so he can sleep with the man's wife (think Zeus), he tricks a Killer Whale into beaching itself because he's too lazy to fish, and he creates humans by throwing chitons onto clams as a game (if you know what the underside of a chiton looks like and have seen the foot of a clam, this is hilarious).

My favourite story, though, is how he steals the light. Lacking the Clapper-esque booming voice of some, the Raven stumbles around in the dark for a while. He finds a hut and sees an old man and his beautiful daughter inside, the latter of whom he promptly decides to sleep with. As he watches and waits for the man to leave, he notices a box being guarded by the man and decides he MUST have that, as well. He finally gets the old man to leave, he rushes in a bangs the daughter, then approaches the box. He opens box within box within box until he finally reaches a light in the bottom (ravens like shiny things). He swallows this and leaves. As he flies high into the sky to make his escape, he gets a stomach ache. It gets so bad that he belches up the light, losing his prize but bringing light to the land. Like most Tricksters, he's an accidental hero, doing selfish things, but ultimately benefitting everyone.

Atticus Finch (To Kill A Mockingbird):
Admittedly, I have read this book since I was very young. But, when he showed up as number one on AFI's Top 100 Heroes and Villains, I knew I most certainly agreed. Weirdly, the character I deem not only one of the most heroic, but one of the most good belongs to a book that is consistently part of Banned Books Day, which means that there are people who think that a man arguing the defense in an extremely racist trial and teaching his children the skills needed for goodness is not the kind of man people should read about. Which, of course, jumps my opinion of him up rather a lot. A guy racists don't like is my kind of man. Anyways, he's a lawyer, arguing a losing case (ie. it's lost before it begins), but he argues it none-the-less. Most hauntingly, I remember him shooting a dog believed to be rabid, saving the street. But you can tell how much it hurts him to take a life, though he does do so out of duty. I wish I could remember more of the book, but the mere thought of him warms my heart and I hope he does the same for you.

The Doctor ("Doctor Who"):
You get Four, because I honestly don't care which incarnation you like or don't like. We're looking at the character as a whole. From the grumpy old man who started the series back in the Sixties, to the young and in many ways child-like man he's grown up to be now. Okay, that's settled. The Doctor is the Protector of the Universe. And he's terrible at it. How many times does one need to lock pepper pots into inescapable traps before they actually stay there? He gets quite a few people killed, yet insists on bringing a human (one of the squishiest and easy to kill species on Earth, let alone the universe) along with him all the time. And the thing is, when he doesn't, it doesn't take him terribly long to turn Absolutely Evil. Yet, he's hilarious, sincere, and genuinely cares about the duty he's taken on. He's haunted by the fact he genocided his species out of existence and whether or not it's because he's running from this action, he keeps on running. The TARDIS might not take him to where he'd wanted to go very often, but it always takes him to the right spot.

Humans (Absolutely everywhere, they're almost worse than nematodes...)
Wait! You say, weren't humans one of the characters listed on your list of greatest villains? Indeed they were. But, they're also on my list of greatest heroes. Woah, mind trip. Admittedly, we do wrong. A lot. We killed that big friendly silver alien robot, we created a race of robots that nearly anihalted our species, in a certain highly scientifically accurate (cough) movie, our constant and unabashed release of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere causes an ice age, presumably wiping out most species with it. We ate the one piece of fruit we were told not to in a whole big damn garden. But, as Adam from Good Omens would say, "there never was an apple that wasn't worth the trouble you into for eating it." We thirst for knowledge and many amongst take opportunities to learn when they are presented. We heal each other and are forever pressing for better means of doing so. In the face of adversity, we come together, very often forgetting what had kept us apart before (this is what very nearly got a certain Adrian Veidt added to this list, despite being a royal douche). When push comes to shove we will fight for each other and this is glorious. Many, even, will give up their own lives to save the whole, Jesus and Ellen Ripley being just two of many.

Alan Shore ("Boston Legal"):
This is my all-time favourite show and Alan Shore (the guy who isn't the Shat above) is the reason why. He appears in Crane, Poole, and Schmidt in the pilot episode from nowhere, having been fired from his previous job (the show The Practice) for embezzlement. Allegedly. He promptly insults an intra-office couple and reveals that he's there by the grace of Denny Crane, a fact he uses against the firm in most every episode. He is a womanizer, he drinks too much, spends too much, and can't let anyone into his carefully crafted fascade of nonchalance. What he does in win cases. He offers grandiose speeches to save the people he feels need his defense and is often willing to sabotage those he doesn't agree with. As the series progresses, he takes on bigger challenges, everything from Big Pharma to the American governement. His actions convince Schmidt to stop saying he "tilts at windmills" derisively and to begin saying it with fondness. More importantly than this, though, is that he is ALWAYS there for his friend, Denny Crane. He watches his best friend sink into Alzheimer's but still promises to remain by his side until the end. In the end, he marries Denny, whom he truly loves platonically, to ensure that it will be he who has proxy say over his friend's medical fate. Though he'd never admit it, he is very self-sacrificing and an incredible hero.

Benton Fraser ("Due South"):
I think this is quite literally the most hilarious show I've ever seen, if on occassion this fact is unintentional. Benton Fraser is actually Dudley Dooright. After his father - also a Mountie - is killed in frigid, middle-of-nowhere Canada, Benton tracks the killer to Chicago and asks to be transferred down South. Unfortunately, all a member of the RCMP can get down there is a tourist job standing in front of the embassy, wearing the Serge. Being a big damn Canadian stereotype, he of course gets placed on an international case with Ray Vecchio, an Italian American stereotype. Benton promptly proves that the Mountie always gets their man (even if it's the one American cops are after) and that this can be done while being disgustingly polite. He is so badass, he walks around with a deaf wold named Diefenbacker and diffuses a terrorist situation on a boat by singing "Barrett's Privateers." I am quite alright with this guy being one of the first things most people can think of about Canada.

There's another 10 still to come...

Go here for the rest of the characters :)

I need a hero, I'm holding out for a hero til the morning light

c0ntrarywise — Sun, 03 Apr 2011 08:28:14 GMT

Dear the people,

For no particular reason at all, I need to know your favourite heroes. And they can be from absolutely anywhere. Book, movie, comic, tv show, anime, some epic song, video game, or even a commercial. They can be as loosely heroic as you like, I am in fact rather partial to the "anti" end of the spectrum. Just make sure they're fictional (or fictionalized - ie folk heroes).

This is Very Important Stuff, so let me know what you think! Lay those Disney characters on me :P

Thing v. Thing #5 (or so)

c0ntrarywise — Sun, 20 Mar 2011 08:41:53 GMT

Remember this? I can't even remember what the last one was... But, I've dredged it up again. This time, I'm going to tell you what I want of you: pick the cooler name. Both of these names make the world a little brighter for their awesomeness. If you ask who either of these people are, you will get a "let me google that for you" response. So just look it up your own damn self. They're hardly common names.

View Poll: Thing vs Thing 5

You only wish you had a name this cool.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! breath !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

c0ntrarywise — Mon, 28 Feb 2011 05:50:20 GMT

I need this shirt like I can't even say, people. Don't let me forget to buy it D:

http://www.teefury.com/

Happy Valentine's Day! You've just been fanficced.

c0ntrarywise — Mon, 14 Feb 2011 09:02:42 GMT

Ya, remember how I said I'd keep up with scifiland? Well, it seems to demand more of my time than the flist ever did, so basically I suck at hiatuses. But, I come bearing my first (and hopefully last) piece of fanfiction for one of the challenges there.

Title: L is for the way
Fandom: Doctor Who (and knockoff Hitchhiker's Guide)
Characters: Amy/Rory, the Doctor, sad sad lack of the TARDIS
Word count: 1524-ish
Warnings/Disclaimer: Crackity crack. Rory is a big nerd, probably because the love of my life would indeed be him (a nerdy him). Everything belongs to the ridiculously numerous sources I ganked them from.
Summary: One day, the Doctor will land them someplace sunny. That time is clearly not now. But, there is a building over there and if you listen carefully, you can hear the whir of a laptop fan, as though a computer is thinking deeply about Questions and Answers... (Like, maybe, how awesome it would be if there were 42 flavours of ice cream, rather than the boring old thirty-something. But, that could just be me.)

Rory Williams didn’t know what day it was. Actually, he couldn’t tell you the year if it was a life or death thing – like if he were facing that bridge guy in Monty Python and the Holy Grail, which would not shock him at all at this point. In fact, as they were currently standing on some mountain, he started deciding what his quest was. And his favourite colour.

But this wasn’t the matter at hand, because to Rory it felt like February, which invariably meant Valentine’s Day, his favourite day. Of course, this presumption was a little nonsensical, because February feels different all over the Earth and there was only the slightest chance they were standing on that particular planet, let alone some other planet that had nothing that could even be equivalent, but feel like February it did. The breeze was heartening, as though it were carrying the first hints of spring up the barren mountainside. The sun glistened on the snow, daring the powder to hold up under its gaze. Most importantly, it felt like love. He disregarded the fact that Genghis Khan’s camp had felt like ardour, that the Desolation of Rouen had seemed infatuated, and that that Dalek was clearly just misunderstood and heartbroken as immaterial. This precipitous cliff was so obviously lovely that he conveniently forgot that absolutely everything enamoured him since he had married his darling Amy. He could find joy in anything with his wife by his side. His wife –

– was currently running down the narrow path after their “tour guide.”

“Why is it that every time you promise sunny beaches, we wind up in the middle of nowhere in the dead of winter?” Amy called to the Doctor, who had clearly found yet another way of putting their lives in danger and was rushing towards it. Some small part of Rory supported the Doctor onwards, as he certainly wouldn’t want to be caught by the angry redhead right now. The miniskirt probably afforded her the movement to get a really good kick in.

“Yes, yes.” Rory heard the Doctor’s distracted reply as he hurried to catch up. He had taken to carrying a present at all times in case they turned up somewhen that involved a holiday he could celebrate and wanted to get the leggings he had bought Amy to her as soon as possible, because really, a married woman should dress in a way that the Doctor couldn’t see her legs at all times, in Rory’s humble opinion. “That sludge from Jaxon Five probably gummed up one of the controls, but that doesn’t matter. Look! It’s a Fancy Building in the Middle of Nowhere. I love Fancy Buildings in the Middle of Nowhere. Always something suspicious going on.”

They were indeed approaching a lone and expensive-looking building nestled in the mountainside. It was oddly funnel-shaped, like one of those ear horns old people use in cartoons. Rory smiled. Maybe it was a bed and breakfast. They were always situated in the most difficult to reach area the owner could find, probably to make the guests feel tranquil and alone or something, and it would be perfect for what he was rapidly ensuring himself was Valentine’s Day. He picked up the pace to make it to the door as the other two did.

“Actually, the building is rather pretty.” Amy allowed herself to forget about the kick she was aiming at the shin of the Time Lord as she gazed up at the towering glass panels that made up the huge curved entry. “Let’s see what it is!” She dashed in without waiting for comment from her two companions.

The building was highly curved and narrowed like a shell towards the centre. Their footsteps echoed massively as they raced around the bends, reaching a cacophonous apex as they abruptly found the end. They were greeted by nothing but a laptop perched on a small stool. Secretly, Rory had been expecting an exclusive order of monks listening intently for an echo of some Word.

“What are you, then?” The Doctor inquired of the computer excitedly. It must have a much better battery life than his laptop, Rory decided, as he didn’t see a plug anywhere. The screen flickered to life at the question.

“Mostly, I’m rather annoyed. All your rushing around is making it rather difficult to hear. But, you may call me Immersed Contemplation.” The laptop’s voice wasn’t tinny and inflectionless as Rory had expected. It sounded rather like David Attenborough. An angry David Attenborough. Then something clicked and Rory couldn’t stifle his laughter.

“Are you serious?” Rory managed between chuckles. “Did someone really think that the combination of some clearly only half-remembered Terry Pratchett reference and an obvious knock off of Deep Thought would go unnoticed?”

(“I met Deep Thought once,” the Doctor quipped, “rather self-satisfied about some number. Sent me off to go look for the question. Still haven't found it...”

“What are you on about, Rory?” Amy frowned. “You know I only read the Shopaholic books.”)

“Of course I am not Sirius. I have already said I am Immersed Contemplation. And I have nothing to do with numbers, I am listening for the Answer.”

“Let me guess, it’s forty-two, but you don’t know the question.”

“Don’t be stupid, human, the question for the answer forty-two is obviously –“ the Doctor’s sonic screwdriver as he wandered around the room sonicking things, amplified by the building’s shape, drowned out the next words “- thus the answer forty-two. No, my question lacks an Answer, which is why I was placed here to listen for it.”

“Go on then, tell us what the question is,” Amy prompted. She rocked at trivia.

Immersed Contemplation cleared its throat and, if it had had them, would have clasped its hands professionally. “Long ago, the highest lords of an ancient civilization posed the most profound question ever brought forth to scientific inquiry. The question was so deep, it could only be broached in the form of a plaintive ballad. The lords were called Haddaway and the question was, ‘what is love?’ For years, the best minds searched in vain for an Answer, ultimately leaving the task to me to solve. I have sat here ever since, hoping to catch the Answer echoed from somewhere on this planet.”

“...” Rory, Amy, and the Doctor said in unison.

“And now that you are here, my only visitors in many years, I can only assume it is to bring me your knowledge. So, give me the Answer, or I’ll kill you.” An ominously delicate whoosh informed the travelers that the door had slid shut behind them and the webcam eye of Immersed Contemplation turned red, like a laser heating up.

“I think I can manage thi-“ Rory began.

“Quick, Doctor,” Amy tugged on the stuffy professor jacket of the Doctor, “think of something.”

“I wouldn’t know the first thing about love! You handle this one.” The two bickered back and forth for a moment while the high-pitched whine of a charging laser got progressively louder. Rory’s eye twitched.

“That’s it! It may or may not be Valentine’s Day, and I will not have some little hunk of plastic clearly named with the help of a thesaurus ruin this! You two shut up and stand over there. I have some enlightening to do.” Rory stepped up to the stool and stared down at his enemy.

“Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion's starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often, it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there - fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know, none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaking suspicion... love actually is all around.” A heavy silence followed this, even the laser seemed to have quieted.

“Did you just quote Love Actually?” Amy asked, incredulous.

“That didn’t answer the question at all. You’ve just gotten us killed, Hero.” The Doctor said - smirkingly - from by the door.

Immersed Contemplation continued to say nothing. Very loudly. All eyes turned to it.

“That... was beautiful. I have never heard anything more eloquent in my life. So simple, so obvious. All the songs suddenly make sense.” The laptop sighed contentedly as the door slid open. “Leave now, I have some poetry to write.”

As the three stumbled out into the mountain air once more, Amy shivered. “We really do need to find that beach now.”

Rory extracted the leggings he’d been carrying and got down on one knee before his wife. “Happy Possibly Valentine’s Day,” he offered along with the gift.

“Oh Rory, they’re perfect. I love you, Mr Pond.” She leaned down to kiss him, the sun reflecting through the glass highlighting the couple like when Mr Darcy and what’s-her-face finally kiss at the end of Pride and Prejudice.