heartbeat ♥ ;

For the meantime.

bubbleberrycake — Mon, 13 Sep 2010 09:52:38 GMT

There is a great deal of difference between an eager man who wants to read a book and a tired man who wants a book to read. ~G.K. Chesterton

I will write back soon. I just need a little more time to refresh myself. I've been through a lot since I last wrote here. And I am much more delighted to tell ya'll about it :) soon.

I have a lot to share :)

Have a nice day. <3

Count from 1 to 10 with my eyes closed.

bubbleberrycake — Mon, 14 Jun 2010 04:43:38 GMT

Why would God let us meet if there's no way we could be together? --Maggi Rice

And so after a month, I am so back. Anyway, if you wanna know how I'm doing. Well, I made the wrong decision again and got fooled by so many people. I NEVER GET THINGS RIGHT. I thought I was already happy. I regret my whole summer. I cried my eyes out twice this summer . One time, I called my friend and just cried the hell out, I couldn't damn talk, I just can't say what I wanna say. That's how bad I felt.

I feel so depressed about everything that's happened but my mind set is just that God can't give me a problem I can't handle. I pray everyday so I could feel better even just a little damn bit. I am stepping into college with a broken heart. I hope I'll be ok.

School starts tomorrow and I have no idea how they do it in college. I was hoping I could have my braces removed before college but.. Uggh. This has been stuck in my teeth for a year already and I badly want to take it off.

And also, I am sick today. I had fever the other day and right now I am 'suffering' cough and colds and an ugly voice.. it's because of the colds. How the hell can I introduce myself in front of class tomorrow without sounding like a sick freak?! I'm also in need of sleep. I can't sleep properly lately because of all the horror movies I've watched with my cousins. Even in taking a bath, I get scared.

I am so unlucky.

Bye.

Summer.

bubbleberrycake — Sat, 03 Apr 2010 04:40:43 GMT

Nothing in the world is ever completely wrong. Even a stopped clock is right twice a day. - Paulo Coelho

Hi. Me again.

I haven't stayed at home for a single day since Summer 2010 started.
Been quite busy.

Life is good. Summer's great. I love times like these. I have money (graduation gift), time and freedom. No more stress.

Anyway, I am now an official high school graduate and I am soo prepared for college. Well, I think I am. I got my NCAE result and it was written there that I am INVESTIGATIVE (based on how I answered the test and how my results were). and I definitely liked it knowing that Im gonna be taking Psychology.

Haha.

Later, imma be hanging out with my girls (Yabeez) at the afternoon then at the evening with Gie, Marane and some people ;) I hung out with them last night and darn the curfew in our subdivision wasss scary.

Yeah it's nice to have lots of friends. I got more people to love.

I feel so alive.

Even though you've already had him and broke up and got hurt and started again..

bubbleberrycake — Tue, 23 Mar 2010 22:56:15 GMT

Can't you see? Every step I have taken, since I was that child on the bridge, has been to bring myself closer to you. - Memoirs of a Geisha

It's freakin 6am and I am up this early without any reason. I woke up in the middle of my sleep and now I can't go back. I don't know why but, this sh*t always happens to me. Anyway since I just can't fall back to sleep, I went online and cooked myself some noodles to heat up my stomach. It was also weird that I had no text messages when I usually get A LOT cos my friends are really all-nighters and they text until sunrise.

Hmm.

Yesterday was the last day of high school and was the general rehearsal of the graduation practice. I'm happy cos I can sleeep now. No more school! I never liked that school policy where you have to come to school so early everyday. Waking up was never easy. I'm not sad, I know I'll still see the people I want to see. My friends, we'll still hang out. But okay I admit, I AM a bit sad. Just a bit. Graduation's on Friday and yes I am soooo gonna be on college on the next 3 months. Even though I still look like some second year HS dude. Haha. Summer 2010, I will make everyday a good day.

Do you think I am really okkay right now? I got so many questions about the world. Why is there this guy who comes to your life that no matter what happens, you'll think he'll always be the best for you? Even though you've already had him and broke up and got hurt and started again, you'll still think he's the best for you. That no matter how long it has been, you will still wonder with those what ifs about him. That same person is also the person you never get tired of. You just want that person all to yourself but you know how life is, that person doesn't want you anymore that way you still want him. O M G..
Did I just type all that.

WHY? I mean, he's the one I can never resist even after years already, even though he treats me like sh*t I know i'll still want to talk to him.

HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN? you hate what he did to you so much but you just can't let everything go. I guess this is what they say na your brain doesn't want it anymore it's just that your heart. It's.. ugghh. What kind of emotions are these. Sometimes.. I just hate it.

What the hell am I saying again. But I hope you have asked yourself that same question, and you can tell me how you solved it.

K. Stop thinking now.

I have already found love in someone else :) (WEH????)

I am such a blabber.

Bye.

This is the mood.

bubbleberrycake — Sun, 14 Mar 2010 11:34:55 GMT

A wise girl kisses but doesn’t love, listens but doesn’t believe, and leaves before she is left. — Marilyn Monroe

Friday; the last day of our final exam. Felt good to know that that was my last exam as a high school student. Best exam ever, I went to school and answered the tests without even opening a book, without reviewing, without scanning. I even had to fix my stuff at the morning before going to school. I was so confident. After the exams, we had like an hour left vacant.
So our adviser decided to give us a message one by one.

My adviser told me a lot of negative stuff at first, which made me feel a little embrassed. I was maarte, maingay, but my grades are ok, of course. And then she mentioned that when she read the autobiography i made, she told me she knows I love writing. She left me a message. She said she thinks I couldn't express myself in person. She said she kinda knows how it feels to express feelings in writing. She told me to say the same (whatever that means), keep on writing, do what I love, and blah blah blah. I was kinda teary eyed. That was just sweet, for me.

After school, I slept the whole afternoon. Then went out at night. Got involved in a problem I am not supposed to be a part of that I am strictly not allowed to tell. Got home safe. Almost cried. Prayed. Felt good. Then slept.

Saturday; went to Tiendesitas to watch my brother's band/gig thing, the event was named College Collision 3. They were all so good. Everyone in that College Collision thingy were rich kids from Ateneo and UP and I was like.. Okayy. I am surrounded by college dudes, how do I act.

At the car til home I texted my 4 friends who got involved with the problem too that happened last Friday night, I could break down any moment cos I was so worried disappointed scared and I haven't eaten anything that night. Friends and I were all mad and regretful and threw hurtful text messages back and forth. We aren't in a fight ha, sadyang malaki talaga yung problema and we do not know how to recover. I prayed hard that night. Mapapahamak kami lahat..

Sunday; Woke up at 5am all dizzy and starving to death. I ate noodles. It helped a bit. Then at around 7am I slept again, then I had a nightmare. I had a dream about my dad and I in our car then something hit us then boom. The next thing I remember, I was drowning. Worst dream ever. Alam mo un, paputol putol ung sleep ko, tapos ung feeling, ang bigat na ang sakit. And I don't even want to think about it. I woke up again at around 8 to get ready for church, with my faith and hopes high that we can solve this problem. I also realized that yeah, I need some guidance in my life right now. I want to learn how to balance my really sad life.

Afternoon after church, my Twin and I went to Mt Zion Cemetery. Two people we know passed away in the La Union bus accident, so yeah, condolences. I was with Twin and some other outside friends.

Then that's how my weekend came to be.
This is my longest post ever. I've never been this detailed.

So yeah, bye.

Home sweet home.

bubbleberrycake — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 10:06:06 GMT

I forgave him when he said hello. - Gerry McGuire.

It's been really hard waking up everyday knowing that the one you love doesn't love you back anymore.

I want to be at school everyday since last week. Cos at school I have realized, I forget all my problems and worries. Being with my friends is cool too - with the same reason. But when Im left alone, I think bad thoughts. I think about the past. I see the pictures and the text messages that I don't want to delete. I DO NOT WANT TO DELETE IT OKAY. I pray every night but some part of me doesn't want to help myself.

So many things happened already while I was gone. School, lovelife, friends, hang outs, whole world, me. What happened to me? Well, I thought I would be better? But, pish posh. Whatever.

I'm such a stupid thing. I wrote back to my journal just to say all these drama stuff again when it's the reason why I left. I can't help it, I didn't know it was this hard. And I don't care anymore who reads this. Sorry :( I can't go to my friends anymore, I can't cry to them, I feel so stupid, what if they're sick of my stories :( Now I stumble all back to my heartbeat, my home. I stumble back to where my thoughts should lay all along. That even though I say stupid things my fellow writers will not hate me. Life has been boring without writing. Don't do what I did. Resisted writing for a week.
*sigh*

There's nothing left.

Ohhhh dear...

So yeah, goodbye again.

Can't sleep at night.

bubbleberrycake — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 14:47:07 GMT

There are many things I would like to say but I dont know how. -Wonderwall

Um, people, I won't be writing for the meantime. I have removed all links of my blog in my other sites. I am anxious about my blog and the stuff I say. I have decided to just stop writing paragraphs and I'd just stick to shorts sentences. Less talk less mistake. I don't know if everything I say here are all right and unoffensive, so I guess it's just better for me to stop for a while. I mean, everything I say here is pure drama about him and I should be ashamed of myself I shouldn't be talking like that :| I should give myself a break. *wipes teardrop* I'll be leaving my updates on my twitter account /tellalish. Follow if you want to.

Ok, this will be like, a quick post, then I'm leaving.

(I wrote this 2 hours ago in notepad)
I feel sad when he's not around and I'm all alone.
When will I ever learn. o_o

But I'm ok at school, Im treasuring every moment of highschool and I can't believe I'll be on college soon. I mean, srsly? I don't know, I just feel like things are gonna be so different when i step into college. Haay. Right now i am not really thrilled about what's gonna happen next week. We have no classes for one whole week and yey I should be celebrating but I don't feel anything today. My friends make plans and when they ask me and I go like 'Oo sige text niyo lang ako' and that's definitely not me. I usually go hooray and glad when we make plans.

Besides my heart, everything else is good. Being in school is unbelievably fun these days, laughing til my stomach hurts, teamwork, fellowship. What would I be without them.

Gonna sleep over at my cousin's house on the weekend and will be very busy hanging out next week. Kami lang ang may sem break ng February, wow. *sigh* I want this to be fun.

Haha nakaka tawa ako, pa bago-bago talaga as in pabago-bago. Pag malungkot ako post agad, pag masaya ako post rin naman agad.. Can't help my annoying self.

I wish I could hear what I sound like.

; my heartbeat

Heart's Day.

bubbleberrycake — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 06:32:54 GMT

In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life - it goes on. - Robert Frost

Valentine's Day turned out to be unexpectedly special for me (:

Lunch time I went to my cousin's place and spent the afternoon with them. Watched the first part of Paranormal Activity and wasn't able to finish it.. again. So we played with our baby cousins instead.

Then when I got home at around 7, I went to a friend's birthday party and he was there. Spent the whole evening with him and his friends and had so much fun. Went home at around 11 30 or 11 I think. Took pictures (didn't upload all our pictures), ate and laughed and enjoyed. This is my favorite day with him so far. There are so many words that came out from his mouth that I cannot get out of my head. He is one special guy and I have realized... I dont have to regret anything after all. I have decided ;)

Happy Heart's Day.

Hope things went well for you too.

PS Just puhleasseee leave me alone and let me write what I feel :|

I love you everyday (:

bubbleberrycake — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 13:53:25 GMT

The best way to get to heaven is to take it with you. - Henry Drummond

I am currently writing here in notepad since livejournal won't open.

Sooo yeah, Hi. me again.

I didn't go to school this morning. I wasn't feeling all perked up when I woke up at 5am so I went back to sleep again then woke up at 10 already.. it's ok for me to skip classes today cos all the 4th year teachers are out to be proctors for the 5th grade examination thingy. so theres actually nothing to do at school.

Today turned out to be a lazy day, I went to the dentist and then to SM. I ate alone at McDonald's this afternoon. for thee first time. and I was so uncomfortable. I couldn't cut my chicken cos for some reason I felt like everyone was staring at me... and I couldn't look at the people around me. It was awkward but I was too hungry to think.

Also I have realized that I am not into movies lately. I haven't seen Avatar, New Moon (but Ive read half the book), Up, Paranormal Activity (I already saw some parts of it. I was doing something else when they were watching it eh), Lovely Bones and all the other interesting movies the past months (or the latest ones). But I guess its ok it doesnt really affect me. I don't get left out on the music world anyway - can't stand a day w/o my music.

So many thoughts today that I wanna write!

I saw the video of our dance performance last October a while ago. Then I remembered all the hard work we gave to that dance, I remembered the practice everyday after school for one and a half week, the laughtrips during practice and the closeness we all had cos of that. To those 10 girls I danced with, just wanted to say that I miss those times :) All the videos, all the praises the group got and everything! Ang ganda! Ngaun ko lang naapreciate. My background music right now is currently the remixed music we danced to. Haayy, geezz. Didn't think that random stuff would be coming into my head today

Then to end this lenghty post.. Thank you for the '471' views. I seriously dont know where theyre coming from, but thank you. I got shocked a while ago cos of the number. Thank you froom the bottom of my little heart (: I want to hug all of you, but yall know that aint realistic. Im excited to view my friends page tonight when LJ gets ok. Lets all be friendds. <3

Wait.
Omg, just got off the phone. He called. *blushes*

That is all.

Talkk to me.

; my heartbeat

My favorite person today.

bubbleberrycake — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 06:14:03 GMT

Don't worry about losing. If it is right, it happens. The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away. - J.Steinbeck

I've been feeling so much stress these days that I do things Im not supposed to. I just wanna be relieved. I haven't slept for more than 6 hours since Christmas vacation, no wonder Im so short..

Ok so he's gonna be in the show business now (well, sort of) and I am expecting that we are soo gonna lose us again. Tss who cares I know at the end, right, Im gonna be left behind. Once more. Like what you did before. Like last year and the other year. like all my life .. Hay.

I am so bored.

I can get it back, but I don't want it back.

bubbleberrycake — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 05:16:20 GMT

What do you say to jumping off the edge? Never knowing if there's solid ground below or hand to hold, or hell to pay. - Taking Chances.

We had no classes last Monday. So I spent half the day with him <3 and with his friends. I enjoyed their company, sobra, I laughed the whole time..

Another reason for me to be supposedly happy is that yesterday morning I got back to my class. Im with my classmates again. Not suspended anymore. I thought now that I was sent back to the 4th year, my life would be even better. But no, he had to act that way. Why can't my life be balanced? Like just for one time in my life everything's right. I totally dont understand whats up with him these days but Im gonna act like I do, cos.. bcos.. you know why.

I am so stressed. I wanna sleep and sleep and sleeeepp and not eat. I wish I had the guts to throw my phone away. I feel really bad and stupid, also a bit senseless. And yes, I feel so ugly. Am I.. I just can't smile here right now.

I haven't actually told anyone about this. Im too shy for them to know that I always feel bad about something from time to time. Like ayan nanaman, Im gonna make kwento nnamn about something not good. Haaaayyy. Kawawa.

And just Look at my *@$@# blog, the previous posts I was just really happy and then now I crash down like this. I think my life so funny. and it won't bother me right now if you laugh at it/me. My emotions fade away/change so quick and it sucks. But I like blogging when Im sad, it makes me feel a bit better... unexplainable reason why. and I know those who like writing know what I mean.

Thanks forr reading. xx

| edit | January 21 2010 | 12 27 pm
Hello. Am I on a roller coaster, cos I'm feeling fine already. I GUESS it's ok now. But Im still stupid for saying those stuffs and worrying about such things. I felt so bad yesterday.. but don't get me wrong, I still feel kinda sick today, physically. This is really funny. I should have thought about this really carefully before writing it down this wayy. But Thanks for those who left a comment. It's nice to know people still read my scrawls. ♥

Tamang hinala.

bubbleberrycake — Sun, 17 Jan 2010 08:24:56 GMT

The only advice my Dad's given me is: If you ain't having fun, it ain't working. - Miley Cirus

Do you ever get the feeling that you're really filled with joy then suddenly one thing goes wrong and you feel really disappointed then a few hours later you go nuts trying to be happy again but you can't? - That's exactly how I feel right now. Where do my happy thoughts go when I need them :(

I don't know what Im feeling today. But Im definitely not 'ok' right now. My Sunday sucks. I should have gone to church this morning.

Yesterday I went out with my friends with a bad mood, you know, thinking really hard, staring at the floor, gonna laugh a bit with them pretending Im ok but really, Im freakin furious. But I managed to go home with a little smile, cos I had time to be with my friends. I couldn't imagine myself stuck at home with that kind of mood. Uh wait, actually, yeah, right now I am stuck here at home with that kind of mood again..I hope I can go out tonight to ease what Im feeling. Poooor me. This is like, my first official bad day of 2010.

Wait you know last night my bad mood turned into a good mood for at least, an hour? An anonymous number was calling last night and take note... I don't take calls from strangers. But since it was ringing talaga and not stoping, I answered it. And @*#*$@, it was him. His voice. His laugh. Finally, a real smile and a real laugh for the day. but I still fell asleep with a frowning face cossss ..nevermind :s then I woke up today with a txt message frm him saying 'Uy sorry fklefnerkovcefeewfdsf etc' Ok, but I am still not in the mood cos when I stood up from bed I got jfowafmkdsf and ofewknf then $%##%$ wfkodwnfkd ! Napagalitan kagad!

And right now at this very moment I am really bored. The only thing Im happy about right now is that I am not hungry and that there are no classes tomorrow. The rest... I don't know. This is a wrong feeling, I shouldn't feel this way in the first place. Who am I anyway, geeees. Kill me now.

Another thing..
Have you experienced writing and writing nonstop without erasing and reading what you're saying cos you just keep on typing? Hmm. Exactly what I just did to this post.

Have a nice day/evening or whatever the time it is at your place right now.

; my heartbeat

You are here - ♥

bubbleberrycake — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 05:18:37 GMT

All change is not growth, as all movement is not forward. - Ellen Glasgow

Hi. Thanks for all the uplifting comments you guys gave when I told ya'll that I was punished at school. Im ok now, its my 4th day with the 2nd grade students.

This morning we didn't attend our 2nd grade class, we (6 of us) stayed at the green bench til 9am. Wala lang, we just felt like staying there, trip lang, and I felt good after that. It seems like the teachers had a good mood too eh kaya they let us stay there for a while. But xempre, we were still sent back to the 2nd grade class. by the directress. You know sometimes I actually enjoy being with these kids, when they see me everyone goes like, "Hi ate tella!", when I leave they all say 'goodbye' with a smile showing their shiny teeth and with all their hands waving, then one time they wrote me a letter, they give the sweetest compliments, wala lang plus their classroom was always cold. Buti pa ung elem may aircon. Then I had a talk with them at class one time, and they were like, "nung una ate akala namin kung sinong japanese ka na pumasok." Haha. Alrightyyy. They hit the spot, I guess you already know that I really like being mistaken for/called a Japanese/Chinese, pero, kids nga naman. They're all nice and unbelievably I am enjoying their company kahit papano.

Classmates! 4th year! I miss everyone :| Im happy to see you guys are doing good in class. Miss ko na kayo agad. Swear. Im really jealous na magkakasama parin kayo and you have fun altogether :( I haven't laughed in school that much. Hayy.

So yeah, the last months of my school year turned into... We were actually ordered to delete our facebook account. Ouch. Never. No way. I won't. I already cleaned my facebook account. They have nothing to worry about now.

Im trying not be sad even though I miss my classmates and yes I can still go to school with my faith lifted up, with hope that later I'll be sent back to the 4th year. I really don't want to be sad, there are just so many good things in my life right now. Like last Sunday, yeyyy I was with him againn ;) <3 and that's good enough for me to stay happy for this week

How's school lately for the other highschool people out there? Sige nga, inggitin nio ako. Para ma-inspire ako magpakabait. Haha. kidding :) jokeeesssss lng. but yes, make kwento now na. Haha.

Say what you wanna say inthe comment box. Time for me to leave. Bye.

(edit)
Im trying out formspring now. You can ask me any question as in ANYTHING, even the silliest ones. Dont worry I wont know who you are. Let me see how I can handle this. Click Here To Go.

Optimism..? <3

bubbleberrycake — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 15:30:18 GMT

Internet: absolute communication, absolute isolation. - Paul Carvel

So here's something that doesnt happen everyday. Im gonna tell everything I feel and everything I didnt say this morning.

I had negative vibes about today talaga. This morning I was in doubt if I should bring my phone or not. If I don't, I would just spend the whole time at school thinking what he's doing :( but if I did, I might get into trouble. But I still brought my phone, I couldnt resist.

At the line before we enter our classrooms, I told Neth.. Uy wag mo sabhing may dala akong celphone ha. and then wow, it was suddenly announced through microphone that they're gonna check our bags and body or whatever... dahil sa mga cellphone. Ok, my heart was like... super beating abnormally and I knew it, they were gonna suspect today. I hid my phone at the pocket of my shorts, tapos inikot ko ung shorts ko para dun mapunta ung pocket sa harapan. And nakalusot ako :)

Before we enter our classrooms this morning, we formed a line and one of our teachers was like.. "Pag tinawag ko pangalan pumunta kayo dun sa lab ha." Then I was called, then Jasmine, then Gian. And I was surprised na magkakasunod kami tinawag. We went to the lab and I was shocked to see Tricia, Mana, Jhude, and others and some boys in the lab too. I was like, "Uy bakit tayo tinawag?" Tricia answered, "Facebook daw?" and then I got really. really. nervous. What the heck have I been putting on facebook lately.. I thought. The teacher was furious, so I had no idea why she got mad like tht. My pictures in fb were really private, customized un, only chosen people can view those --mostly my classmates and i know no one would make sumbong. Meron nga ba silang isusumbong? Well, I guess. The partying, the alcohol... Okkay.
In the lab we were like, about 8 girls and 5-6 boys. Intense. And then our teacher started talking. about. the. pictures. at. facebook. One by one w were scolded at, and you do not want to know what she told me/us. Ang mga kaso dun sa lab: Pictures ng mag bf/gf na sweet, pictures ng parties w/alcohol and pictures na hindi maayos ung pose. Ok? We belong to the 'pictures ng parties w/alcohol,' good thing they didnt see it at my account, My pics are super private eh <3 Then after a long talk about that, we were sent back to the classroom. I thought we were safe already. And then after recess... chuchuchuchu! We were called, sent downstairs. We were thinking bakit kulang kami na papapuntahin sa office, where are the others who were called in the lab awhile ago? Hay, it's kinda annoying to think about it, unfair. The directress was mad, and I dont understand why she feels that way. She even bagged about our parents, bakit daw kami pinapayagan. wala raw kaming hiya sa sarili. Then she talked about boyfriends and others.. I dont get her. Wala kaming picture na nakahubad/naka pose ng sexy or whatever. NAME IT. Eto lang, we were just seated and then dun sa table may drinks. Naka smile kami ng maayos. And as our punishment, we have like 70% chance of getting suspended AND we are not allowed to be with our classmates, we're not allowed to enter our classroom.. All we get to do is stay with the grade 2 students (classmate ko ung artista :)). We're gonna take our exams and quizes without any lessons. Yay great total failure ito. Pati facebook nmn inaanu pa :(
I told my dad we drank that night, he even got a little bit youknow at our school, he was like.. 'picture lang?' and I was like 'yeah.' he told me that I should just go with the school cos wala kaming magagawa and he said that I should never talk back. Im glad he's ok, mom took it easily too. I know my mistake and blah3 but this punishment has gone waaayyy too far. Even parents namin, sinabihan ng kung ano2.

Yeaah. Alright. Thats it. Im not really embarrassed, I mean I know my classmates and schoolmates will understand us and they will feel what we feel na yeah, it's FACEBOOK. We have a life. We're teenagers, it's highschool. and it's fun. And Really, Im okkay, I dont feel any sadness right now.

You know why?
My friends, my schoolmates, they were concern :) they didnt look down on me/us, they care. And theyre still my friends even though the teachers told them to stay away from us <3 Plus, my parents took it easily and walang galit galit. But I know they were disappointed, of course.

And I was with him awhile ago.. :) Bad day turned to good day :) and everything got alright as well.. <3

2010 is still going well and they cant take that away. Hahaha.
There are more better things that are happening in my life. <3 this is part of growing up.

To my classmates, we're sorry nadamay pa kayo and whatever. I shall miss ya'll. I guess for the meantime I wont be able to talk to you guys, outside nalang and text text. Please do good! and let's make tiis nlng :) Thank you for the care and love. xx

; my heartbeat

I.N.Y.N.?

bubbleberrycake — Sat, 02 Jan 2010 16:21:33 GMT

I've walked like a blind man and my eyes are open. and You Are The Only Place For Me :) - James Morrison, Get To You

This is another post about him again :(

I just couldn't imagine myself that after almost two years, he's still my last boyfriend and now.. we're hanging out again..
I feel so wonderful when Im with him. I feel so special. Idk why, but yes, Im happy. And this is a great way to start my 2010. For hours, we can talk and laugh about anything. I feel so freakng good!!!
~
Ano new year's resolution mo?
Pumayat. Haha. Kaw?
Ako? Ikaw.:)
Anong ako?
Ikaw!
...

Okkay I dont really get it.. how about you?

Do I look awkward? Coz you know, he's my ex, our past, and then, haay. Tell me tell me. Is There Sumthinn Wrong.

Whateverrrr.

I hope the second day of your 2010 went well! Good vibes tayo... for a good and healthy start :)

Goodnight.:)

Sticking to the high road.

bubbleberrycake — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 06:52:32 GMT

God’s decisions are always mysterious, but they are always in our favour. - Paulo Coelho

Year 2009 - FRIENDS | FAMILY
I met different kinds of people this year. I hung with my friends outside the school, I hung out with my college friends, school mates and/or classmates and I easily got along with everyone. Got into conflicts and misunderstandings and other nega. stuff, but we chose to be mature and handled it the proper way... and made it all okkay. My classmates - they're the best mix of people ever, different personalities in one class and I get to see them everyday | Family, my goodness I can never thank God so much for putting me to this family. My cousins, no matter what happens, they're still my cousins and forever my cousins and forever with me. Lolo, I miss you. Christmas just wasn't the same without you :|

I will always smile when I remember the times they made me laugh so hard and I criedd. How lucky I am to have them with me.

YEAR 2009 - LOVELIFE
2009 has been unlucky for me when we talk about love. In one year and 6 months I only fell in love once. This 2009 I met the most amazing guy but he broke my heart. He was my ideal guy, he's got the looks, the personalities, the good lifestyle background.. but, he was just too, I don't know, confusing. But he was the only one I loved this year.. I think? Well a lot have been asking me lately what's up with me and my ex, hmmm we're cool.. we're friends In a special way. Btw I was with him again last night, around 1am, haha, do I really have to spill out the complete details? Wag na. Basta, I don't want to sound like you know, parang sobrang babaw. Haha crazy control. But right now, yes, my heart is at peace naman.

YEAR 2009 - ME
Well, I don't really know what happened to me this year. Let's see what I can think of... I became stronger with my emotions. I had to face big decisions. I didn't cry over a guy this year. I got into some kalokohan. I kinda learned how to shut my mouth when I don't have anything good to say. Got closer to my mom and dad. Understood life better. Exagge na ako mag puyat. Lately this year (July I think) I decided to make my hair long.... and it already is right now, no haircuts. Got darker skin. What else? *Sigh*

So that's it. Its almost 2010... another decade.
Let's all be better next year. Thanks to everyone who has been part of my 2009. I love all of you, even if you gave me bad memories, thank you still for being a part... And to those I have hurt this year, Im sorry, I have no intention of making people feel bad, Im really really sorry.

And I swear time goes by so quick!!! Promise! It's something like I was just at school the other day or whatever and then I woke up the next thing I know it's 2010 already. Do you feel this too?

Happy New Year ppl. Turn that frown into a smile.. :)

; my heartbeat

Crazy control.

bubbleberrycake — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 06:34:56 GMT

What the heart has once owned and had, it shall never lose. -Henry Ward Beecher

Hi. Me again :)

K so yesterday I woke up to a text message from a close friend saying "punta tayong SM," Yeah great..I panicked, it was already 12 30 and I just woke up. I did everything I had to do in only almost an hour. What a fascinating way to start a day.

We stayed at Macabling during the afternoon, had a fun time :) we went back home to Sanlo at the evening. then I left my friends and I hung out with... him again. my ex. Does it sound awkward? :| but reallyy.. I love how we can talk about anything and never run out of things to say. I love being sooo comfortable with him. and I cant actually explain why...
At around 10 my dad texted and was like, "San kna bt dkpa nauwi," I told him I was with him and he replied "Aba umuwi kna gabi na." and I was like, "10 15 pwede?" and I was shocked that dad replied with "Ang tigas ng ulo mo." Ok? So I went home... with him. with a smile on my face. He took me home. While we were walking home there was this old man who kinda looked at us and said something I didn't understand, and I was like, "Ano raw sabe nya?" He kinda smiled then said, "Bagay daw tayo." Then we both laughed. Soo cute. I miss hearing those kinds of comments.

Im still freakiinngg happy and I can't stop smiling all over again. and bcos of him I was able to text again that night *wink*

And you know after all the guys I've met AFTER him... he's the only who ever made me feel this way talaga. exactly like this. We broke up almost two years ago.. and within those times, I only fell in love ONCE with a guy who never really cared. =| wala lang i just felt like saying that.. *_*

WHY.

Night before Christmas.

bubbleberrycake — Fri, 25 Dec 2009 14:59:41 GMT

If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it. - Andy Rooney

Noche Buena/Dec 24:

The morning I woke up I couldn't stop smiling. since it was really cold, and it was almost Christmas... Also, I was texting with the two very special guys in my life.. But this is gonna be all about one guy. I am actually surprised by him because even though we usually see each other around, we don't really talk, it has been months since we last had a conversation. And uhh, he is actually my ex.
Ok so it was the last day of simbang gabi. I was looking for him around the church, I wanted to give him a smile or something. After the mass, I lost hope that I could still see him. I couldn't find him anywhere! But then one of my 'kakilalas' approached me and said, "Uy hinahanap ka niya" and I was like, "tawagin mo nga." So, my kakilala called him, and I was like "Hoy. Lika nga dito :)" and the night was saved! :) My friends were actually waiting for me that time, sabi ko lang naman kasi babatiin ko siya, but we had a loooong talk.

I told my friends to go home without me since he said he would take me home... :) and I felt really good that time, I can't actually type what I feel but I know you know what Im talking about. So we were left alone, just the two of us and I just kept on laughing, smiling, talking and smiling again... I couldn't stop :D I was just 'me' and carefree the whole time. After 15 minutes I think, his friends came... they were teasing us and stayed for a while to talk. Good thing I know his friends. *wink* his brother was very nice to me tlga and he insisted na ipakilala ako sa mom nila (even though i met her already before). I was really shy and I was hiding behind hiss back, but, I had to greet his mom of course... Nakipag beso ako sa mom nia then I greeted her a merry christmas. Then all of them started teasing us again. and I even heard good things about me :">

We took a little walk around, after such a long time nakausap ko ulit siya and grabe, I felt like nothing has changed, I could still be exactly myself with him, we still had so much to talk about and I can really tell him anything... just like the old days ;) We came back and sat at the bench outside the church. I texted my dad that I was with my ex kaya I couldn't go home yet, but instead of him taking me home, dad decided to pick me up. and I was like, "oy patay ka! hahaha" and I also told my mom that i was with him and she even called cause mom wanted to talk to him, but the connection was kinda magulo. Around 12:30am (it's Christmas already!), dad picked me up at his place and gaddddd, finally! I formally introduced him to my dad too! :) This should have happened years ago when we still had our 'relationship' but noooo... it happened all right now. That night. That very very memorable night. and to make it all sound better, it's Christmas! :) we said our goodbyes and I left. Nakaka bitin but I really had to go. If it wasn't noche buena i could have stayed there as long as I wanted to! Haha.

Wala lang.
This is something that doesn't happen everyday so I decided to write about it.

And honestly, it made me happy. I felt like my heart started beating again... after all, he's still my last. ♥

Eeeeeehhh.
Merry Christmas to you and goodnight.
Can't wait til new year :)

; my heartbeat

Holidays :)

bubbleberrycake — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 04:29:11 GMT

Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful. - Norman Vincent Peale

It's almost Christmas and I'm being as happy as I can be, especially now, we have no more exams! :) I'm glad there's now peace, everything/everyone's quite na, no more fights/conflicts/misunderstandings or whatever you call it.

I've been out a lot lately this December, and that's good because I laugh and smile a lot more. Now there's Simbang Gabi and it's gonna be every night of super kasiyahan with my pals. We have no classes tomorrow because of the Chorale Competition. Too bad we can't watch. then on Friday it's gonna be our Christmas Parteeeyyy! It's a different kind of party this year because we're not going to celebrate the party in our classrooms.. it's gonna be held at our school field. So I guess I'm not gonna wear anything too girly coz it's not gonna look good with the grass and all =| For Saturday, the Teatro Club at our school will have a reallyyy really grand concert that will be held at the 'sanctuary' as they call it.. haha but it's really a church in our school, na pwedeng gym kasi ang laki. Haha. I wish them sooooo muchh luck! I have my tickets for that concert already! :)

I love the Christmas Season talaga, everything I do just becomes soo you know, so cushy, no demand, no hardship, and during Christmas everyone just seems so happy! and at night when I take a walk, everything is so nice.. Christmas lights, the sky filled with stars, the cold gentle breeze, ahh basta... so prettyy.

I can't wait to see what this Christmas Break has in store for me. I know this is gonna be fun!

and also, 2010 is just days away. ♥

Then when 2010 comes I would be thinking about my highschool graduation, and then I'll be on college soon! And then I'll be livinggg the goodddddddd life!! Hassle-free, no more high SCHOOL drama... ;)

Do you have any personal Christmas wishes? :) Haayy.. if you ask me I'd say I want an iPhone but I guess some things are just more important! :) I have everything I need already. Family Friends Peace Love name it! I just don't have a boyfriend, haha.

Merry Christmas everyone. Early greetings just in case I become too busy for the season.

Take care.

; my heartbeat

Trance.

bubbleberrycake — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 15:01:14 GMT

Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to. ~Author Unknown

We had an overnight party at Lei's house and it was super duper fun <3
Made me forgot about the grudges I hold.
We ate, drank, partied, stayed up all night, laughed, talked and shared. This is my second sleepover with my friends this year hooraayyyy! Also, got two more birthday parties to attend to this week. Monday and on Fridayy.

Umm anywayy.
I read my previous posts, and you know what, I miss being happy, REALLY happy, the feeling of being in love, i miss it. Now I feel like I already lost so much. Haayy. But I'm glad I was able to write down all those, at least I remember how it feels :)

Walalang </3 ?
Goodnight.
♥ ♥

Peace, love and smiles ü

bubbleberrycake — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 04:58:17 GMT

You're not going to make me have a bad day. If there's oxygen on earth and I'm breathing, it's going to be a good day. ~Cotton Fitzsimmons

Today is the day I turn 15.

School this morning was great, everyone remembered.

and I feel really, really good right now.

♥ peaceloveandsmiles to everyone. Thanks! :)

Fair enough.. ♥

bubbleberrycake — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 08:55:24 GMT

A birthday is just the first day of another 365-day journey around the sun. Enjoy the trip. ~Author Unknown

I'm turning fifteen on Monday. I can't wait. !!!!

Anyway, I chose to celebrate my birthday yesterday... Friday. Nov 13. since we had no classes.

I'm so thankful.
So happy.
I feel so wonderful <3

Well before all that celebration, we had our fieldtrip last thursday. It was ok, somewhat fun. My busmates are the reason I enjoyed. YOU DO NOT WANT TO KNOW WHAT KIND OF FIELDTRIP WE HAD. It was like, "One line! Hands at the back! Stop taking pictures already!" and all kinds of.... ugh. We are not kids anymore. T T well but I guess that isn't as 'weird' as it sounds, there are happy sides parin, like being with my close buddies during the trip, seeing PJ Valerio and Ms. Dulce at the musical play of Hunchback of Notre Dame (w/c was really good), speaking of PJ V, I am so jealous of my friend who was able to kiss him, everyone went screaming after that. Ayun, because of the fieldtrip we had no classes the next day, rest day daw e?

So I took that day to celebrate my birthday :) ü

I was already dressed at 11am when the meeting time was 12-12 30pm. I know, excited. The destination was at Tagaytay and I was glad that dad was able to rent a jeepney, meaning, we don't have to commute. We were 21 in one jeepney so we had to squeeze ourselves into the tight space, 2 of my guys friends sat on the jeepney floor nalang. un ang tripp! :) Ok so you see... I go with a lot of people in my daily life and I make a lot of friends, I invited my schoolmates/classmates and I also invited my friends from the other school/s, so, some of them don't really know each other but I was surprised to see na everyone got along pretty well, we were one group :) We ate at two 18-inched pizzas at Yellow Cab, spent a little time for kwentuhan, and hung out at Picnic Grove. My friends rode the 'zip line' and I was happy to see them happy :) I didn't try that zip line thingy cause I got scared, even though I don't really have the fear of heights. I just felt like I couldn't do it. But deep down inside me I also regret not trying it.

We took like 200+ pictures and walked a lot. Before it got dark, we left Tagaytay. We went to Nuvali, then to Paseo. It was such a long, tiring night. but all those tiredness wore off when I saw the pictures at my cam before we went home. Wala lang, I just felt different. I was really happy <3</div>
There you go.
:)

Internet is slow today, it's so annoying.

Bbye <3

If you are interested, all the pictures are on my facebook account. <3

♥♥♥

Tell me what you think.
have a niicee day :)

First day of November.

bubbleberrycake — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 14:11:50 GMT

Whenever you fall, pick something up. - Oswald Avery

Hello there. Me again.

Have you seen Paranormal Activity? I saw the trailer at youtube and my eyes were like, half covered the whole time. I also turned off the sounds :D Saw the comments before I watched it, it seems interesting :) Too bad it isn't on cinemas here.

Anyway, life has been going pretty well I must say. But for some reason, I just can't really.... concentrate on the blessings I get. You know, reasons like these.

1 My heart.. it's.. crushed. It's broken. He was the only guy I've loved this year. I tried not to be pessimitic, pero, wala talaga e. Help!:(
2 I lost my super duper valuable USB with soo important documents and files. I don't know if someone borrowed it or I just lost it myself. Haay! Why do I lose things when I need them the most.
3 I'm scared to speak for myself. I need to tell something to someone right now but I can't because I'm scared but if I don't I'm gonna be much mooore... you know, I'm the one who's gonna... be... confused. or whatever.
4 Windows 7 did not work on my laptop!! But it worked on my brother's! Darn I badly want it.
5 My phone is goin like woooo.... There's something wrong about my active standby menu, I can't explain. Haha but I can receive and send text msgs so I guess it's still ok.

But despite those, I am still, well... of course happy about life. I mean I'm still alive I can still smile and laugh and al :) But here are better reasons :)

1 It's November already! Few more days before I turn 15, I don't have any plans yet on how to celebrate it though. Umm is it weird that I still get uber excited whenever my birthday comes near? Haha.
2 I'm back to hanging out >:) I got three galas planned na with different people and I can't wait, I need to be busy right now to forget stuff.
3 I am losing weight! This is theee best! Karla and I are actually talking about going to the gym.. I want to, but? I have no idea how girls do stuff there? Haha got any ideas? :D
4 The 7-day (9 days plus weekends) vacation was really worth it. Had fun, I spent most of it with my cousins.
5 There was a typhoon the other day. The wind and rain... were cuh-rayziii. and it kept me awake until 3am! Whew! Glad it's gone. We lost electricity for about 10 hours, and internet connection for more than 24 hrs.

It's 5 on 5? Whaaat d? xD

Before I end.. I forgot, last Oct 23 my blog celebrated its first year! Hoooraaay! This is my 112th post! Cool yo? :)
Haha that's all I got now. Tell me what you think about this and all the other stuff I wrote.

Still grateful about life,
Tella ♥

IMPO!
( Nov 4 09 ^^ )
I just changed my username at twitter. It is now http://twitter.com/tellalish :)
Have a great day!

No more..

bubbleberrycake — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 07:04:01 GMT

Be happy. It's one way of being wise. -- Sidonie Gabrielle--s

Last week has been the hardest fcking week for me ever.

School every morning.
Dance practice every afternoon.
Had to visit the funeral every night.

for EVERYDAY, last week.

But everything turned out perfectly.

It's already our semestral break, vacation for more than a week.
Our dance performance was good, everyone liked our somewhat hiphop dance steps.
And.. my lolo is at peace already.

I hope wish pray that this is the last time I talk about my busyness, I'm starting to think I annoy my readers. Do I? But I super duper could not actually believe I was able to survive being soo occupied for how many straight weeks.

Ha-ha.

Well, kamusta? :)
Kamusta means how are you in our native langauge. Ay, wait, is it kamusta or kumusta? Haha!

Whatever. Have a nice day!

You appear just like a dream to me.

bubbleberrycake — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 05:33:35 GMT

We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey. ~ Kenji Miyazawa

My weekends are getting wayy crazier.

Saturday, Oct 17 2009.
was the last day of our exams, boring day at school too, but thanks to our Korean classmate Chad who taught us some games they play in his hometown before, at least the boredom lessened a bit. And so thankful the exams are done. After class, we went to Bianca's place for a simple get-together. It was fun, the whole afternoon laugh-tripping, picture-taking, boy-talking and secret-sharing. You know I also saw Bianca's old autograph notebook with my sign on it, super duper shocking! I was crazy over my ex back then and I wrote so many stupid stuff.
At 8pm, we left, tired and exhausted. But this day doesn't end there, Jasmine and I still had somewhere to go to.... Yep. at Mike's birthday party. Spent a whole night with sooo many people but ended up having a great time despite being so tired already :) Glad some of my classmates were there too. Then I suddenly remembered that at around 9 - 10 pm I have to go to my cousin's place, I need to stay there overnight kase the next morning, cousins and I will leave for Manila at a veryyyy early time. But who would want to leave in the middle of a party? No one wants to miss the fun. I tried to make a way and make reasons to stay muna, I ended up texting my dad, "Pwede ba tayong umalis nalang ng maaga bukas hatid mo ako kila Sarah (my cousin)? Dito pa ako sa handaan eh." Gladly dad approved :) and I texted my cousin saying I'd be there really early tomorrow. Aun, everything worked out. I wasn't able to end the party cause seriously the party ended at like, 2am and everyone was freaking drunk already except for me and those few nice kids x_x peace haha, I arrived home at 11 / 11 30 pm and slept at 1am. Woke up the next day at 4 30 am and yeah, went to Manila right after.

Then for today, Monday, woke up early again for school. Puyat diba? For a whole week, lagi nalang kelangan gumising ng maaga. Can't wait for next Saturday so I could sleep-in as long as I could. Torture talaga. I feel like I'm gonna get sick soon, haha, apparently, I get this feeling most of the time now. I have cough and colds already.

I'm not kidding. Onti onti ko na nakaka sanayan tong ganito, you may read my previous posts to know my activities since September started.
At our sem break, I'm thinking about going to a far away place, basta away from Santa Rosa.. so I could rest, have a break and go for a short vacation.

Haay, life. *sigh*