Đẹp Quá!
Reflections on creativity and reimagining beauty standards. Plus community care opportunities.
When I was younger, the first thing many elders would say upon meeting me was: “Đẹp quá!” I don’t speak either of my mother tongues, but I did learn that phrase: “So beautiful!”
Now I’m not saying it’s not nice to be complimented 💅🏽 but when it’s the first and only thing said about you, it starts to get a little weird. And in how they would say it — with such wistfulness, as if it was the best (the only) thing worth being — I learned at an early age that beauty meant acceptance and power.
I also learned that being beautiful meant being as close to “white” as possible. Being warned to stay out of the sun lest I get to dark. Wanting blue eye-contacts sooo bad. Removing all my body hair every 30 days ON THE DOT for fear of someone noticing my mustache and knuckle hairs.
Ask many southeast Asians, especially those of us socialized as women, and you’ll hear iterations of the same experience.
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned to say “fuck it” to a lot of that. I bake in sun like a lizard. I stopped most hair removal after an esthetician burned me during a Brazilian (…yep). Being almost legally blind, I’m just grateful any contacts help me see at all.
I acknowledge the privilege of inhabiting an able, straight-sized body — and I’ve started valuing how I FEEL in my body over anything else.
We even recorded an episode about it on Sunday Sxhool!
A few months ago, my friend Linh Nguyen asked me to facilitate her art exhibition — Đẹp: Reimagining Beauty Standards In the Vietnamese Diaspora — and it cracked open a new layer of this conversation for me.
In community, we explored:
The radical nature of naming and questioning these standards: light skin, a high-bridged nose, double eyelids, long hair, a petite frame… to name a few.
How these standards are one of the many wounds of colonialism, white supremacy, and capitalism in our communities.
The very real ways beauty standards impact our wellbeing and sense of self.
How healing looks like acceptance, and how that’s so much easier said than done.
We imagined what Đẹp could mean in our futures.
In many ways, writing about beauty and art feels edgy. It feels disconnected to write about anything other than the brutal injustices occurring everyday around the world, and what it will take to achieve collective liberation. But in other ways, I know that when we gather in community, when we name systems of harm and get real about the work of healing, we tap into creation itself. What else is liberation if not that?
Đẹp was anything but disconnected. It was an entry point to dialogue, turning an exhibition into something much bigger than a one-night show. It was witnessing and learning from leaders opening doors and pulling others through. It was seeing faces that look like mine light up with the joy of being together and connecting over shared experiences. It was stepping into my own artistry, seeing facilitation as the brush that paints the energy of a space — what an absolute pleasure to create in kinship, in this way.
Speaking of Viet Voices
I am facilitating — and curating! — another Viet Voices event on October 14th. San Diego, I hope to see you there.
LIMINAL SPACE: What Was, What Could Be is the bridge between our current chapter and the next, exploring how we hold both the realities of the past with possibilities of the future. It is the breath before the next movement in a dance. It is emergence.
Community Care
Typhoon Yagi has devastated much of Southeast Asia, and my family’s ancestral home in Laos is underwater. My stateside family is organizing a transfer of funds to support recovery, and our recent efforts enabled rice to be distributed to three villages!
There are so many people affected by crises around the world who are in need of care. I invite you to consider what your community practice can look like at this time: What are mutual aid collectives or funds that you connect with? What % of your wealth are you able to redistribute?
If you feel called to donate to my family’s efforts, we would be so grateful. Email me back and I’ll send you a Zelle link 💸
Currently Inspiring Me
I’ve been loving the work of Yumi Sakugawa on creativity and collective liberation.
Watching:
Civil War. An unflinchingly real portrayal of violence and war. I’m not sure how anyone walks away thinking anything other than, “There has to be another way.”
Twisters. Theo and I saw this in theaters, and it was a surprisingly fun summer flick. 10/10 would recommend to turn your brain off and watch some tornadoes.
The Bachelorette. I was sucked in by the hype around the first Vietnamese Bachelorette… Truly an unserious and unhinged piece of content that was so fun to look forward to every week.
Reading:
The Miracle of Mindfulness by Thich Nhat Hanh. Gifted by my friend AX Mina and last month’s book club read. It’ a balm for the soul, and a beautiful way to connect with an ancestor and practices from my heritage.
Minor Feelings by Cathy Park Hong. I started this when it came out in 2020 and four years later it’s completely shifted my relationship to my own identity. An instant classic and must-read IMO.
What It Takes To Heal by Prentis Hemphill. An inspiring and real take on the intersection of healing and justice, and how the two are inextricable. I’m only a few chapters in and loving it so far.
Glitter on. Deep breath. Rest well until next time.
bp