Having a Crisis of Confidence

The thing about writing something that I'm taking seriously for the first time—is that I'm taking it seriously. I've written a million and one things in my life. I've written whole novels just for funsies! What I didn't appreciate at the time is the total lack of pressure when you're just creating something for yourself. It doesn't matter if The Thing sucks because no one is looking at it but you.

Now, writing something I want people to actually look at? Horrifying, terrifying, practically paralyzing in ways I absolutely did not anticipate. Of course, I didn't feel that way at the beginning. I didn't even feel that way when I finished my first draft, or when I started to edit. I got all the way to Act 3 of my second draft before my brain started screaming at me that I was a total fraud that had no clue how to craft a narrative. How inconvenient.

I think part of this insecurity came down to the fact that I've simply never revised a project before. I learned to write by doing National Novel Writing Month, so I can speed-write a first draft like nobody's business, but editing? Never even attempted. I can hunt down a typo, sure. But the larger scale revisions I wanted and needed to pull off—yeah, no. Developmental editing someone else's work is something I feel solid about, but my own? I'd rather pluck out my own eyelashes one by one. So obviously I needed some guidance.

Getting Unblocked

I've been taking a writing course at The Novelry this year, which helpfully includes several coaching sessions, but unfortunately does not include someone actually reading your manuscript. So while I'd found my first Novelry coaching session reassuring in terms of my premise and synopsis, my total crisis of confidence had me desperate for someone to look at my manuscript and tell me how to fix it. Granted, to even want someone to read my work feels like a big step for me, that prospect alone would have given me killer anxiety in the past. But feedback is essential in a process like this, so I was going to have to have to get over myself at some point.

Y'all I can't tell you how worth it it was. I could have tried to find a beta reader, but instead I strolled on over to Reedsy and found myself a book coach. Why? Frankly, I felt I needed accountability and guidance, rather than just editorial feedback at this stage. I handed over my manuscript (including my floundering Act 3) and waited.

When I say my anxiety was sky high before meeting my coach, I'm not exaggerating. I was prepared for the worst. I literally wrote down a list of what I perceived to be my weaknesses and questions about how to handle them. And, uh, well, turns out I'm just dramatic.

I got some incredibly helpful editorial feedback, but also just a lot of reassurance that I'm not a total failure. Cue the delighted surprise.

Editorial Feedback is Magic

Look, there's a reason everyone recommends getting eyeballs besides your own on your writing. When you're so close to a project, it gets harder and harder to see it objectively as a reader and thus harder to improve it as a writer.

Now, I'm not saying feedback from just anyone would be helpful! I went for a book coach because I wanted someone with professional editing experience, but you could also seek out beta reader programs or writers' groups. There are plenty of free and/or affordable resources out there. Just get someone's eyes on it. Ask them where they get stuck, where they get bored, where they get lost. Find the things that you can't see because so much is in your head.

A good beta reader will ask questions and give notes that will get you thinking from fresh angles, and that's totally invaluable.

Making Plans

Where do we go from here? Well, blessedly, the editorial feedback I got helped me get unstuck on Act 3, and I officially finished Draft 2! I love her, she's shaping up into something, but she's not quite there yet.

Now that I've got character and narrative arcs down, Draft 3 is going to be all about world-building. I can't wait. The plan is to try to add 10-15k words in September (since we lost around that in Draft 2). I've got another coaching session lined up, an edit session at The Novelry, and then we'll see where we're at.

As always, thank you for reading!

xo,

Briana