{"id":491116,"date":"2019-03-20T15:21:25","date_gmt":"2019-03-20T15:21:25","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/%d7%9c%d7%9c%d7%90-%d7%a7%d7%98%d7%92%d7%95%d7%a8%d7%99%d7%94\/how-to-fix-your-marriage\/"},"modified":"2023-05-07T11:58:31","modified_gmt":"2023-05-07T11:58:31","slug":"how-to-fix-your-marriage","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/491116\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Fix Your Marriage"},"content":{"rendered":"

Did you know that marriage counseling, as helpful as it seems, isn\u2019t the best way to fix your marriage?<\/span><\/p>\n

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In reality, marriage counseling can do much more harm than good.<\/span><\/p>\n

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Think about this all-too-common situation.<\/span><\/p>\n

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A couple considering separation or divorce enters the counselor\u2019s office. They start to bring up a few complaints. The counselor nods and has them continue. They bring up more complaints. The counselor prods them on.<\/span><\/p>\n

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Then the counselor tries to get the \u201cuncooperative\u201d spouse in touch with their feelings. What\u2019s really causing them to behave the way they do? Why did they cheat? Why are they emotionally abusive?<\/span><\/p>\n

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In other words, the counselor is trying – at the same time – to play marriage therapist and personal therapist.<\/span><\/p>\n

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It doesn\u2019t work.<\/span><\/p>\n

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The counselor feels like progress has been made, because the couple communicated their differences and maybe expressed their feelings.<\/span><\/p>\n

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But has it really?<\/span><\/p>\n

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Have there been any positive developments for the couple?<\/span><\/p>\n

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No.<\/span><\/p>\n

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They just moved their fight from the house to the counselor\u2019s office.<\/span><\/p>\n

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And how long does this go on?<\/span><\/p>\n

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Well. That depends on how much money this couple has to keep throwing at the counselor.<\/span><\/p>\n

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My new marriage guru, Mort Fertel, explains why this approach doesn\u2019t work, and why it will never work.<\/span><\/p>\n

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You see, a marriage that got to the point of divorce didn\u2019t get there through logical discussion and disagreements.<\/span><\/p>\n

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It got there because of both spouses\u2019 behaviors and actions.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

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So, if you have a problem that stems from behaviors and actions, how in the world can you expect to fix it with conversation alone?<\/span><\/p>\n

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The answer is, you can\u2019t.<\/span><\/p>\n

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If you want to fix your marriage, the first and most important thing you have to do is fix your behavior. \u00a0<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

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In other words, whatever you\u2019ve done, now you\u2019ve got to do the opposite.<\/span><\/p>\n

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Have you been neglecting your spouse? Not giving them enough nice, genuine attention? Not showing any interest in their day or in them?<\/span><\/p>\n

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The fix? Shower them with positive attention! Smile at them when they walk in the door. Greet them properly. Ask how their day was. Show them that you actually care.<\/span><\/p>\n

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Are you not nice to your spouse? Be NICE! Don\u2019t pick fights, don\u2019t be argumentative, don\u2019t be oppositional! Just be NICE.<\/span><\/p>\n

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At first, it will seem impossible. Especially if you\u2019re the only one at this point that may care about saving the marriage. Especially if you\u2019re the one that\u2019s been hurt or betrayed.<\/span><\/p>\n

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But you have the strength to do it. Believe me. Believe in yourself.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

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Remember all that stuff you learned about how Hashem doesn\u2019t give you a challenge you can\u2019t handle? Well, now you have the chance to prove that it\u2019s true.<\/span><\/p>\n

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And finally, here\u2019s the real secret to saving your marriage.<\/span><\/p>\n

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It\u2019s a secret that\u2019s so easy and fun, you won\u2019t believe how much it will change your marriage – and how quickly!<\/span><\/p>\n

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The secret is: Go AWAY Together! <\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

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\"\"That\u2019s it? You\u2019re probably a bit skeptical. But yes! That\u2019s all it takes to jump-start your marriage back in the right direction.<\/span><\/p>\n

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When was the last time you went away with your spouse? Without kids?<\/span><\/p>\n

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Listen, it\u2019s not as hard as you think it is. Just drop the kids off with the grandparents without warning and RUN!<\/span><\/p>\n

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Seriously, though, nothing saves a marriage faster than going away together.<\/span><\/p>\n

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You need time alone, in a fun environment, to just enjoy relaxing and being together. You need time away from the stress of your everyday lives, away from the kids, away from all of the triggers that are putting you both on edge.<\/span><\/p>\n

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The only way to do that is to get out of your normal environment and put yourselves in a place where you can just be together. Reconnect. Focus on nothing else but each other and having a good time together.<\/span><\/p>\n

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Believe me. It\u2019s the best thing in the world for your marriage.<\/span><\/p>\n

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Once you begin to reconnect, you\u2019ll remember what it is you first loved about your spouse. You\u2019ll see them as they are, <\/em>not with all of the burdens that they\u2019ve taken on.<\/span><\/p>\n

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Go ahead. Try it. You\u2019ll see, once you begin to spend more positive time together, many of the problems that you thought were unfixable will simply disappear.<\/span><\/p>\n

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The truth is, all you need to do is put positive energy into an area of your life that you\u2019ve been severely neglecting. Most of the behaviors that result are symptoms of this neglect.<\/span><\/p>\n

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So go on – enjoy your second honeymoon ASAP!<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Did you know that marriage counseling, as helpful as it seems, isn\u2019t the best way to fix your marriage? In reality, marriage counseling can do much more harm than good. Think about this all-too-common situation. A couple considering separation or divorce enters the counselor\u2019s office. They start to bring up a few complaints. The counselor … Continue reading “How to Fix Your Marriage”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":62109,"featured_media":1082107,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_joinchat":[],"footnotes":""},"categories":[15178],"tags":[16438,16460,16446],"author_post":[15157],"new_serie":[],"class_list":["post-491116","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-marital-harmony","tag-marriage","tag-shalom-bayit","tag-marriage-counseling","author_post-racheli-reckles"],"acf":{"intro_text":"

Did you know that marriage counseling, as helpful as it seems, isn\u2019t the best way to fix your marriage? It's liable to do more harm than good\u2026<\/p>\n","breslev_id":"34144","post_views_count":"452","help_field_to_import_order_in_category":"4","updatetime":"01\/01\/0001","special_content_in_the_post":"none","meta_title":"How to Fix Your Marriage","meta_description":"Did you know that marriage counseling, as helpful as it seems, isn\u2019t the best way to fix your marriage? It's liable to do more harm than good\u2026","paragraph_first":"","paragraph_second":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/491116","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/62109"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=491116"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/491116\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1082107"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=491116"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=491116"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=491116"},{"taxonomy":"author_post","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/author_post?post=491116"},{"taxonomy":"new_serie","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/new_serie?post=491116"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}