{"id":473157,"date":"2018-01-14T11:34:06","date_gmt":"2018-01-14T11:34:06","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/%d7%9c%d7%9c%d7%90-%d7%a7%d7%98%d7%92%d7%95%d7%a8%d7%99%d7%94\/individuality\/"},"modified":"2025-05-26T16:13:01","modified_gmt":"2025-05-26T13:13:01","slug":"individuality","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/473157\/","title":{"rendered":"Individuality"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

I felt sick to my stomach.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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I had been writing for hours, and the page count on my word processor was close to 100.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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The darkness of night outside was a softer shade blue now, and in the early dawn, birds were chirping. I had finished my coffee a while ago and soon my kids would be up. The many mornings I had spent writing furiously had produced a long form essay of my life.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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I desperately wanted to write about what I had been through and where I was, but deep down I knew I didn\u2019t have the courage to subject it to the rejections and the nos.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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I was, after all, trying to write an autobiography of my life without hiding much for an audience that I was afraid wouldn\u2019t understand me or it. \u00a0I talked about my crisis of faith (read crises), my rocky family life, my incomplete attachment to the non-Jewish world as I had become more observant, and as much as I could about my current lack of life direction. \u00a0I couldn\u2019t \"\"close the book with the answers I was looking for because I was still living the question.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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I sent my manuscript to someone I looked up to who had wide recognition within the orthodox Jewish world. \u00a0I wanted to know if I could ever hope that Orthodox Jews would read my work or if it was \u2018too hot for TV\u2019 (a label placed on risqu\u00e9 or violent movies back in the day when there were some semblance of standards).<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Her response came back unequivocally: \u00a0I should share my story with the Orthodox world because it was, in her words, real and would give people hope.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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The context or the story is a sideline for a major fear that I have had with me since the time I became Torah observant. \u00a0No matter what, I was different.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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My interests, my background, my desires were bad and I needed to become someone else to truly fit in. \u00a0I had rushed to put on black pants and a white shirt a few months into yeshiva, but back in California, I wanted to go back to my designer polo shirts. \u00a0In Israel I hadn\u2019t stepped foot in the gym, but back in California I felt the weights calling my name. And I still loved my rock music.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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At the same time, I longed for, and long still, for a better relationship with Hashem. And nothing gave me more pleasure than inspiring Jewish growth in my students, in teaching, and in learning more. \u00a0And I had (read, have) a desire still to give of myself, not to hide who I am, to show people that the path to Jewish observance is rocky and roundabout, and dynamic. \u00a0And it’s easy to say these things, but a lot harder to live it. \u00a0And even more difficult to tell others about your struggles.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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I realize that this sickness of our modern world is inflamed by social media. \u00a0The greatness of our forefathers was that they specifically didn\u2019t line up, but blazed their own trails.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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In the beginning of our silent prayer, was addressed the G-d of Abraham, G-d of Isaac, and G-d of Jacob. \u00a0One of the many insights of this cryptic introduction is the grammar; why not just say \u201cG-d of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.\u201d \u00a0I was told by my rabbi that G-d, of course, stays the same. \u00a0But each of our forefathers\u2019 path to G-d was so unique that they literally brought a new element of Godliness into the world. \u00a0The G-d of Abraham was fundamentally different than the G-d of Jacob. \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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And so too with us. \u00a0The struggles of Joseph, Moses, King David, and later were all different. \u00a0And the paths taken by each one was true, and each one would resonate with different people that would follow. \u00a0Despite the fact that rabbis and teachings can sound so radical if they stem from the Torah, they are true; just seen and presented through different prisms. \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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In my life, in many of our lives, we miss this. \u00a0We look for how we can fit in, how we can serve G-d like everyone else. \u00a0And when our lives are \u2018askew\u2019 we try so hard to fit it back into the realm called normalcy. \u00a0But, as I learned when I was a child, long before I had even heard of Orthodox Judaism, there was a rabbi who said that the fact that you were born was evidence that G-d decided that the world needed you.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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It was only much later, in fact while researching an article I was writing for this very website, that I found out that this teaching was from none of other than Rebbe Nachman of Breslev.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Individuality is a gift, not a liability. \u00a0The more we can learn to accept it, the faster our shortcomings become opportunities, and the darkness in our lives become light. \u00a0We aren\u2019t mistakes; G-d wants us with all our uniqueness to find him and come close. \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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* * *<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jacob Rupp is a rabbi, speaker, author, coach, and Director of San Diego NCSY.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I felt sick to my stomach.   I had been writing for hours, and the page count on my word processor was close to 100.   The darkness of night outside was a softer shade blue now, and in the early dawn, birds were chirping. I had finished my coffee a while ago and soon … Continue reading “Individuality”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":62109,"featured_media":4950623,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_joinchat":[],"footnotes":""},"categories":[83793],"tags":[16464,16552],"author_post":[14280],"new_serie":[],"class_list":["post-473157","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-teshuva-stories","tag-assimilation","tag-teshuva","author_post-jacob-rupp"],"acf":{"intro_text":"

Individuality is a gift, not a liability. The more we can learn to accept it, the faster our shortcomings become opportunities and the darkness in our lives become light\u2026<\/p>\n","breslev_id":"31882","post_views_count":"138","help_field_to_import_order_in_category":"66","updatetime":"01\/01\/0001","special_content_in_the_post":"none","meta_title":"Individuality","meta_description":"Individuality is a gift, not a liability. The more we can learn to accept it, the faster our shortcomings become opportunities\u2026","paragraph_first":"\u00a0I couldn\u2019t close the book with the answers I was looking for because I was still living the question.","paragraph_second":"The greatness of our forefathers was that they specifically didn\u2019t line up, but blazed their own trails.","youtube":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/473157","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/62109"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=473157"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/473157\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4950631,"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/473157\/revisions\/4950631"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/4950623"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=473157"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=473157"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=473157"},{"taxonomy":"author_post","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/author_post?post=473157"},{"taxonomy":"new_serie","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/new_serie?post=473157"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}