{"id":3771337,"date":"2022-07-11T14:40:32","date_gmt":"2022-07-11T14:40:32","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/breslev.co.il\/?p=3771337"},"modified":"2023-04-18T06:47:32","modified_gmt":"2023-04-18T06:47:32","slug":"soulmate-or-suffering","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/3771337\/","title":{"rendered":"Soulmate\u2026 or Suffering?\u00a0"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

I am wondering if it is someone\u2019s luck or mazal that determines if they marry and stay married – but not just to get married and be miserable but to be happily married, vs. someone who gets married and is miserable, what does that depend on, if anything? Is it prayer, luck, bracha\u2026 what do you think it could be?<\/i>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Thank you,<\/i>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

JP, Brooklyn, NY<\/i>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

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Very simple! I heard in the name of a hidden tzaddik<\/i>–\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

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If you get married and are happy, then this is your zivug hagoon<\/i>, your true spiritual soulmate.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

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If you get married and are not happy, then this is a tikkun<\/i>, a spiritual rectification. When you finish the tikkun<\/i> you need to do with that person, then the relationship will either end or change – I know stories of both including a miracle story Rabbi Arush put in the book Say Thank You and See Miracles<\/b><\/a><\/span> of someone who thanked Hashem for her abusive husband. He changed and stopped being emotionally abusive! Rabbi Arush said he would have been more prepared to believe that the stars and sun changed their course than that this guy changed, but he did.\u202f\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

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So, with tikkun<\/i> marriages there is nothing to do but cancel yourself (bitul atzmi<\/i>) knowing that Hashem knows exactly what He is doing, and to say thank You for the tikkun<\/i>, because if you knew what Hashem knows, you would be happy too! Don’t push the time or the situation. Otherwise, in refusing to accept Hashem’s will, such a person now pushes more suffering upon himself, G-d forbid…\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

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There is no trading suffering! Hashem doesn’t want to make anyone suffer, but if someone doesn’t wake up with a nice wakeup call, He will throw whatever it takes at him to force him to wake up in an effort to save him.\u202fAs Rebbe Nachman once said, \u201cIf you\u2019re not prepared to suffer a little, be prepared to suffer a lot.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

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Remember – this world determines your ETERNITY. Whatever difficulty or suffering Hashem sends to someone in this world is NOTHING compared to the suffering of tikkunim<\/i> or sins that weren’t rectified once arriving in the Next World. The difficulties aren\u2019t even comparable to the eternal loss of increased spiritual gain. Take the suffering of this world and RUN! THANK YOU H’ for saving me from THAT!\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

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Rabbi Arush once yelled at the guys at the Yeshiva that anyone who got divorced \u2013 it\u2019s 100% your fault! You weren\u2019t supposed to get divorced. You were supposed to do your work and you failed. Take The<\/span><\/strong> Garden of Peace<\/span><\/b><\/a> and The Garden of Purity<\/b><\/a><\/span> and get to work!!!\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

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For the women, I highly recommend reading Women\u2019s Wisdom<\/b><\/a><\/span> since it contains important pearls of advice both for people dating and for people already married. Especially if a woman is, G-d forbid, suffering in a marriage already, it is critically important to read the sections on divorce in the book. While generally Rabbi Arush is strongly anti-divorce, there are important exceptions and the advice in those chapters are critical in order to properly ascertain what to do. Be very cautious though in looking for advice and make sure to find someone who knows and follows Rabbi Arush\u2019s path in dealing with these issues \u2013 unfortunately, I personally know of far too many sob stories.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

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It\u2019s also important to note that Rabbi Arush brings that according to the Kabbalah, a husband and wife always have to have some difficulty in their marriage. Even if they work hard on a particular issue and resolve it, some other difficulty will spring up because making peace between man and wife involves lofty spiritual rectifications.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

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Furthermore, even with all the work the husband and wife put in and must put in, ultimately, it\u2019s a gift from Hashem. Men and women are polar opposites, like oil and water. Making peace between them is a miracle even in the best of cases! This is why it\u2019s so important for them to pray for marital peace and be very strong in their personal holiness and modesty in order for Hashem to dwell between them.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

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Rabbi Arush says that this rule of personal holiness\u2019 influence on the souls applies even before marriage. From the youngest age a child must know that he or she has one soulmate and guard themselves very well in all matters of holiness in order not to \u201ccheat\u201d on that soulmate. In fact, it\u2019s even a segula – <\/i>the more holy the couple is, the faster and easier they find each other, because holiness brings the souls together while immodesty and immorality (G-d should save us) drive them apart.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

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And if personal holiness is important while searching for a soulmate, it\u2019s even more important when married. Literally, everything<\/i> depends on it! Income, children, you name it. It is of utmost importance that Hashem\u2019s presence feels comfortable dwelling in the home, bringing blessing and serenity with it. Hashem hates immorality, because it\u2019s truly repulsive and disgusting. Having a television or unfiltered internet in the house is like having an open sewer hole \u2013 not only does all the good go right down the drain but the place stinks!\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

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Hence, although a lot is out of our hands, it\u2019s all in Hashem\u2019s hands and by doing the right things we can make married life a lot sweeter.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

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***<\/i>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Rachel Avrahami\u00a0grew up\u00a0in Los Angeles, CA, USA in a far-off valley where she was one of only a handful of Jews in a public high school of thousands. She found Hashem in the urban jungle of university. Rachel was privileged to read one of the first copies of\u00a0<\/i>The Garden of Emuna<\/i><\/a><\/span>\u00a0in English, and the rest, as they say, is history. She made Aliyah and immediately began working at Breslev Israel.\u00a0<\/i>\u00a0<\/span>
\u00a0<\/span>
Rachel is now the Editor of Breslev Israel’s English website. She welcomes questions, comments,\u00a0articles, and personal stories\u00a0to her email:\u00a0<\/i>rachel.avrahami@breslev.co.il<\/i><\/a><\/span>.<\/i>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

***\u00a0<\/i>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

If you also have a \u201cSay Thank You and See Miracles\u201d story you would like to share, please send it to us! Stories may be posted on\u00a0our\u00a0website anonymously and sent to Rabbi Arush.\u00a0<\/i>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Please\u00a0email\u00a0<\/i>rachel.avrahami@breslev.co.il<\/span>\u00a0<\/i><\/a>\u00a0with your story.<\/i>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I am wondering if it is someone\u2019s luck or mazal that determines if they marry and stay married – but not just to get married and be miserable but to be happily married, vs. someone who gets married and is miserable, what does that depend on, if anything? Is it prayer, luck, bracha\u2026 what do … Continue reading “Soulmate\u2026 or Suffering?\u00a0“<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":62109,"featured_media":3772928,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_joinchat":[],"footnotes":""},"categories":[15178],"tags":[16438,16460,19917,64971],"author_post":[15478],"new_serie":[],"class_list":["post-3771337","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-marital-harmony","tag-marriage","tag-shalom-bayit","tag-tikkun","tag-soulmates","author_post-rachel-avrahami"],"acf":{"intro_text":"

A reader asks - how does Hashem determine who is happily married to their real soulmate, and who suffers with a miserable spouse? And what can you do to get the former and not the latter? <\/p>\n","paragraph_first":"","paragraph_second":"","meta_title":"","meta_description":"","special_content_in_the_post":"none"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3771337","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/62109"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3771337"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3771337\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3772928"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3771337"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3771337"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3771337"},{"taxonomy":"author_post","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/author_post?post=3771337"},{"taxonomy":"new_serie","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/new_serie?post=3771337"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}