{"id":369792,"date":"2011-01-16T22:32:57","date_gmt":"2011-01-16T22:32:57","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/%d7%9c%d7%9c%d7%90-%d7%a7%d7%98%d7%92%d7%95%d7%a8%d7%99%d7%94\/the-black-hole\/"},"modified":"2025-09-10T12:53:40","modified_gmt":"2025-09-10T09:53:40","slug":"the-black-hole","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/369792\/","title":{"rendered":"The Black Hole"},"content":{"rendered":"

A couple of days\u2019 ago, my husband brought home a shiur that someone had sent him by an American Rav, Rabbi Avrohom Lipszyc from Chabad of North Miami, who is teaching The Garden of Emuna<\/strong><\/span><\/a>, chapter by chapter. The title of the shiur was \u2018Does G-d love me?\u2019 It immediately caught my attention, because I still wonder about that a lot.<\/span>
\u00a0<\/span>
It was a great shiur, not because it answered that question, but because it made me realize that the question itself is the problem.<\/span>
\u00a0<\/span>
The Rav explained that he could have given a shiur going on and on about how much G-d loves me. But really, I wouldn\u2019t believe it. I wouldn\u2019t believe it because that gnawing doubt about \u2018whether G-d loves me\u2019 is a black hole, and by definition, a black hole sucks in everything you throw at it. You simply can\u2019t fill it up or plug it, no matter how much Torah you send its way, how much \u2018proof\u2019, how much evidence, words, or speeches about how much G-d loves you.<\/span>
\u00a0<\/span>
If you are also one of those people who also wonder \u2018does G-d love me\u2019 you know exactly what he was on about. <\/span>
\u00a0<\/span>
\"\"So then, what\u2019s the answer? How do we get pass that \u2018black hole\u2019 that just swallows up all of Hashem\u2019s goodness and shefa<\/em>, and leaves people like me with the permanent feeling that we are always precariously perched on the edge of disaster?<\/span>
\u00a0<\/span>
The Rav explained that the only way to \u2018answer\u2019 the question is to look at the reasons why a person would ask that question in the first place. Why do I doubt that G-d loves me?<\/span>
\u00a0<\/span>
There are two main reasons: firstly, I don\u2019t really love myself. Secondly, I don\u2019t really love G-d.<\/span>
\u00a0<\/span>
I was quite stunned when he said that. Then, I burst into tears.<\/span>
\u00a0<\/span>
In London, I was completely arrogant. I didn\u2019t fear G-d, because I didn\u2019t attribute anything much to G-d\u2019s doing. It was either me, or it was someone else, or it was random. G-d didn\u2019t come in to the picture, really.<\/span>
\u00a0<\/span>
It was only when I got to Israel that I started to realize that everything, absolutely everything is in G-d\u2019s hands. And that\u2019s when my \u2018fear of G-d\u2019 went off the scale. I started to worry that if I didn\u2019t do everything 100% according to Halacha (Jewish law), I was giving G-d a \u2018reason\u2019 to send me some terrible soul corrections, G-d forbid.<\/span>
\u00a0<\/span>
It was a very strong motivating force, and it got me to clean up my act all over the place. I started to dress more modestly, I started to make blessings properly, I started making more of an effort with the \u2018details\u2019 that I\u2019ve always found a bore and a pain, but that I know G-d wants me to pay more attention to.<\/span>
\u00a0<\/span>
And I thought that all these things were enough to kind of keep Hashem happy, and give me some spiritual peace and quiet. Except, that hasn\u2019t been what\u2019s happening. What\u2019s been happening is that every time I hear about some \u2018bad news\u2019, in particular illnesses, G-d forbid, I\u2019ve been going into panic mode, trying to work out \u2018why\u2019 this \u2018wont\u2019 happen to me. But each time, even after I\u2019ve calmed down, I\u2019m really not convinced. It\u2019s my spiritual black hole.<\/span>
\u00a0<\/span>
Things came to a head again last week, when there was an impromptu tehillim session held for a young mother in the UK who was on the verge of dying from an undiagnosed brain tumor. One day she was fine, the next day she went into cardiac arrest and had a brain hemorrhage. <\/span>
\u00a0<\/span>
I came back from that tehillim session shaking all over. By all accounts, this person was an amazing person. And it hadn\u2019t stopped this terrible tragedy from happening to her.<\/span>
\u00a0<\/span>
I slept terribly that night, and started to feel physically ill again. I could feel all the worry and anxiety from the last few months surging back up again, and I was on the point of despair. I felt and feel that I just couldn\u2019t go through it all again. Words can\u2019t describe how incredibly horrible it is to be constantly fighting your fear.<\/span>
\u00a0<\/span>
Last year, that fight with my yetzer hara took around 90% of any spiritual energy I have. I still haven\u2019t really recovered, and I knew that if I had to go through another bout of that, I simply couldn\u2019t last the distance.<\/span>
\u00a0<\/span>
Which is when my husband brought home this shiur. <\/span>
\u00a0<\/span>
The Rav explains that most of us in modern times simply don\u2019t know what it means to be loved unconditionally. For whatever reason, we were loved for \u2018doing\u2019 something for someone else, whether it was being a star pupil, eating our brussel sprouts, doing our chores, or being a \u2018good\u2019 kid.<\/span>
\u00a0<\/span>
But then we grow up, and we start to relate to Hashem as an infinite version of the authority figures that we had when we growing up – who didn\u2019t tolerate \u2018bad\u2019 behavior, who punished us for going against them, who made it clear that if we didn\u2019t follow their rules, their way, we would be persona non grata.<\/em><\/span>
\u00a0<\/span>
Can you imagine an infinite version of this? An all-powerful, punishing, vengeful G-d that as soon as you step out of line, whacks you with some terrible event to \u2018teach you a lesson?\u2019<\/span>
\u00a0<\/span>
That, for me, is what\u2019s been going on. How can I love Hashem, when I feel that He\u2019s constantly looking for a reason to \u2018punish\u2019 me? And I know I do a lot of things wrong all the time\u2026<\/span>
\u00a0<\/span>
But the essence of Hashem is love. That\u2019s why I loved Chassidut so much, as for the first time in my life, I started to learn that Hashem\u2019s mercy nearly always outweighs His strict judgement.<\/span>
\u00a0<\/span>
But I realize, I still have such a mountain to climb. It was a real shock to hear that Hashem doesn\u2019t love me more when I keep mitzvot, or less when I don\u2019t. So then, what\u2019s the point of keeping mitzvot? If mitzvot are not going to keep me safe, if mitzvot are not going to buy me a \u2018special place of protection\u2019 near Hashem, what\u2019s the point?<\/span>
\u00a0<\/span>
G-d was kind, and quickly helped me to realize that I keep mitzvot for me<\/em>, not for Him. He doesn\u2019t need anything from me. He wants me to keep His Torah so that I have the best possible chance of getting a share in the world to come, and to keep my yetzer hara from completely destroying me in this world. Full stop.<\/span>
\u00a0<\/span>
But the root of the problem is that I don\u2019t love Hashem. I don\u2019t trust Hashem. I don\u2019t believe that He really has my best interests at heart \u2013 and this is an absolutely ginormous spiritual handicap.<\/span>
\u00a0<\/span>
What can I do? I didn\u2019t create my own paradigm, and the last year showed me that if there was an \u2018easy\u2019 way of changing my terrible fear into love, I would have done it already a million times over.<\/span>
\u00a0<\/span>
All I can do is pray. A lot. All I can do is ask Hashem to help me to love Him, to help me to love myself, and to not pass on this warped way of seeing Hashem to my kids. It\u2019s enough that one person in our family is trying to get past a black hole; we don\u2019t need any more of them. Oh yes, I almost forgot \u2013 you can read Rabbi Arush’s booklet over and over again until you can really tell yourself, Hashem Loves Me<\/strong><\/span><\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A couple of days\u2019 ago, my husband brought home a shiur that someone had sent him by an American Rav, Rabbi Avrohom Lipszyc from Chabad of North Miami, who is teaching The Garden of Emuna, chapter by chapter. The title of the shiur was \u2018Does G-d love me?\u2019 It immediately caught my attention, because I … Continue reading “The Black Hole”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":62109,"featured_media":5174303,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_joinchat":[],"footnotes":""},"categories":[15184,15186],"tags":[16369,39114,54788,20704,24775],"author_post":[14683],"new_serie":[],"class_list":["post-369792","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-personal-growth","category-spiritual-growth","tag-emuna","tag-yirat-shamayim","tag-ahavas-hashem","tag-self-esteem","tag-bitachon","author_post-rivka-levy"],"acf":{"intro_text":"

Most of us simply <\/span>don\u2019t<\/span> know what it means to be loved unconditionally. <\/span>The <\/span>gnawing doubt about \u2018whether G-d loves me\u2019 is a \u201cblack hole<\/span>\u201d,<\/span> and a black hole sucks in everything you throw at it. You simply <\/span>can\u2019t<\/span> fill it up or plug it, no matter how much Torah you send its way..<\/span>.<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n","breslev_id":"18179","post_views_count":"71","help_field_to_import_order_in_category":"427","updatetime":"01\/01\/0001","special_content_in_the_post":"none","meta_title":"The Black Hole","meta_description":"Most of us simply don\u2019t know what it means to be loved unconditionally. The gnawing doubt about \u2018whether G-d loves me\u2019 is a \u201cblack hole\u201d, and a black hole sucks in everything you throw at it. You simply can\u2019t fill it up or plug it, no matter how much Torah you send its way...\u00a0","paragraph_first":"The gnawing doubt about \u2018whether G-d loves me\u2019 is a black hole, and by definition, a black hole sucks in everything you throw at it.","paragraph_second":"The root of the problem is that I don\u2019t love Hashem. I don\u2019t trust Hashem. I don\u2019t believe that He really has my best interests at heart.","youtube":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/369792","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/62109"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=369792"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/369792\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5174315,"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/369792\/revisions\/5174315"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/5174303"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=369792"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=369792"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=369792"},{"taxonomy":"author_post","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/author_post?post=369792"},{"taxonomy":"new_serie","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/new_serie?post=369792"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}