{"id":347044,"date":"2010-02-01T17:37:56","date_gmt":"2010-02-01T17:37:56","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/%d7%9c%d7%9c%d7%90-%d7%a7%d7%98%d7%92%d7%95%d7%a8%d7%99%d7%94\/a-peanut-for-the-elephant\/"},"modified":"2023-06-20T10:25:03","modified_gmt":"2023-06-20T10:25:03","slug":"a-peanut-for-the-elephant","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/347044\/","title":{"rendered":"A Peanut for the Elephant"},"content":{"rendered":"

In the book, \u2018Cheshbon Hanefesh\u2019, the author gives an analogy equating the yetzer hara<\/i> \u2013 the evil inclination – with an elephant. In that analogy, he explains that the yetzer hara<\/i> has to be dealt with sensibly, and its power harnessed for the good. If you give it everything that it wants, then you have a wild, uncontrollable, \"\"destructive force that\u2019s never satiated. If you do as the best elephant trainers do, and give it its minimal needs, then you will be able to guide it\u2019s power in the way you want, and you will be able to \u2018train\u2019 it do your will \u2013 and Hashem\u2019s will.<\/span><\/p>\n

But if you starve it, push it too hard too fast or expect too much, it\u2019ll will turn around and crush you.<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
I\u2019ve found this analogy very useful over the past few months, as I\u2019ve been struggling to try and get my yetzer hara<\/i> under control in a number of different areas. The more I learn, the more I realize just how much I have to try and work on and fix. If it wasn\u2019t for the fact that I\u2019m doing an hour of hitbodedut every day, I may even have given up by now, as I\u2019ve been crushed by the elephant more times than I can count.<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
For example, I\u2019ve been working on trying to dress and act more modestly for the last few years, but I\u2019m fighting myself every step of the way. I didn\u2019t cover my hair for the first eight years I was married, until I got to Eretz Yisrael. It\u2019s not that I thought I didn\u2019t have to \u2013 I knew I did, but it was simply too hard for me. I didn\u2019t have the self-confidence required to stand out from the crowd in that way, and I never even considered wearing a wig, as it never seemed to be \u2018right\u2019, at least for me.<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
I only started to cover my hair when we made aliyah, because Hashem backed me into a corner. I realized that if I didn\u2019t at least start trying to make some effort to do the mitzvot incumbent on me, as a Jewish woman, I didn\u2019t have a leg to stand on when it came to asking Hashem to help us out of the enormous financial hole we found ourselves in.<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
So I threw away my jeans, bought a few more skirts and a bandana, and started covering some of my hair, whenever I went outside of my house.<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
But in my house, I would still lounge around in pajamas, and have my hair uncovered, even when we had male guests. As the process continued, and I started to learn more and more about the importance of dressing modestly, I started trying to make more effort.<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
I started covering all of my hair when I went out, but still had it uncovered in my house, even when we had Shabbat guests. This continued for a few months, until I opened the door to an unexpected caller one night \u2013 and realized that they were looking at me in a way that made me feel incredibly uncomfortable.<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
I suddenly realized, that this married male visitor found me attractive \u2013 and from that moment on, I decided that I wasn\u2019t going to open the door to anyone, unless I had something on my head and was properly dressed.<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
The elephant kicked in again at this point. It moaned. It snorted. It made me go through a ton of old pictures where I looked so glamorous, with my hoop earrings and my short sleeves (I never really did cleavage, thank G-d) and my hair blowing in the wind like a Pantene advert.<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
It told me how nice I looked in those pictures. How young. How carefree. Then I remembered how horrible that time in my life was. It wasn\u2019t obvious from the pictures \u2013 they were taken on holiday, just as our money really started to run out \u2013 but my life was a mess at that point, and was getting more stressful and miserable by the day. My shalom bayit<\/i> was rubbish. My finances were rubbish. My career was rubbish. But boy, did I look successful!<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
It took a good few weeks of being regularly kicked by the elephant (and a lot of praying) until I got over this new \u2018limitation\u2019 that I\u2019d imposed on myself, and I started to feel much better about it.<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
I continued to read, continued to learn, and more and more started to realize how tznuit<\/i> (modesty) was a package deal. If I dressed modestly, then Hashem would help us to have good shalom bayit<\/i>; well-behaved kids that stayed on the path; better income, and a whole bunch of other blessings.<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
I stopped wearing my short sleeves, even in the hot Israeli Summer \u2013 and the elephant started up again. \u201cYou\u2019re suffocating!\u201d It trumpeted. \u201cYou\u2019re boiling to death!\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re being such an extremist, and for what? You\u2019ll faint if you keep wearing such hot clothes!\u201d And so on and so on and so on. Again, it took a few weeks for it to settle down, and get used to this new \u2018limitation\u2019.<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
The next thing was when I decided to stop showing my toes, and to only wear shoes with socks. No hardship when it\u2019s cold \u2013 but it\u2019s only cold in Israel about three months of the year. Again, the elephant started up, and again I had to wait for it to cool off.<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
So it is, that my skirts and sleeves have got longer; I\u2019ve bought a super-duper swimming costume that I could wear to shul in Israel and not be out of place; I started taking the girls swimming in the \u2018women only\u2019 hours at the local pool; I went to the women only beach in the summer \u2013 and I thought that give or take a few minor slip-ups, I could happily tick the \u2018tzniut<\/em>\u2019 box.<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
But I was wrong. Recently, I learnt that it\u2019s not enough to only be tzniut<\/em> outside; because Hashem\u2019s \u2018Shechina<\/em>\u2019 also dwells in a kosher, modest home \u2013 and Hashem keeps His own Torah \u2013 I also needed to dress modestly at home, even when there is not another living soul in my house.<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
At this news, the elephant went crazy. \u201cWhhhhaaat? What extremist rubbish are you learning?” “Next, you\u2019ll be living in Meah Shearim and only wearing black\u2026” “Next, you\u2019ll be avoiding showers, because they aren\u2019t \u2018tzniut\u2019\u2026” “Next, you\u2019ll be shaving all of your hair off\u2026” “You\u2019re going to get headaches from wearing something on your head the whole time, even in the house.” “You\u2019re going to hate it\u2026” “You\u2019re going to resent it\u2026\u201d<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
On and on and on. For a whole week, it trampled me every opportunity it got. Luckily, I\u2019d just been reading the \u2018Garden of Wisdom<\/a><\/strong><\/span>\u2019, and I was just at the point in the book where Rav Arush explained that often, people learn the truth, and they know it\u2019s true, but it\u2019s too hard for them to implement it – and that\u2019s when they start looking for \u2018clever\u2019 ways to disparage or discredit the truth. It\u2019s a very slippery path, that usually leads to untold misery and confusion.<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
I had learned I had to be tzniut<\/em> in my home, and cover all my hair all the time from an impeccable source; I knew it was true. But the elephant was crushing me. What was I to do?<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Hashem had mercy on me, and I realized that I couldn\u2019t push the elephant too far too fast. I started wearing a knit hat at home, and decided that if I got a headache, I would either take it off for a few minutes, or put my hair into a more relaxed pony tail outside of the hat.<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
So far so good. That took care of a lot of the elephant\u2019s points. But going to sleep in a hat was simply too much. I got into a terrible mood even thinking about it. Until Hashem enlightened me once again, and I realized that even a small, token step in the right direction was better than nothing.<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
I went and bought a soft hair band, and yesterday, I wore it to bed. I know it\u2019s barely covering anything \u2013 but it\u2019s an acknowledgement of the direction that G-d wants me to take.<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
It could be it will take me another eight years to get \u2018there\u2019 wholeheartedly. But in the meantime, I\u2019m being reminded again of how it\u2019s all a package deal. Since I started covering my hair in the house, the loving atmosphere in my home has gone up a whole other level. My kids are kissing and cuddling me all the time, and my husband seems to be even happier than usual. It\u2019s strange. If anything, I\u2019ve been yelling more than normal, because it\u2019s quite painful being trampled by an elephant.<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
But it\u2019s a package deal. I see that if I do my best to do what Hashem wants \u2013 even though it\u2019s imperfect, and often not so easy \u2013 Hashem, in His mercy, sends me the sort of blessings money simply can\u2019t buy. The more I put my own desires aside and nullify, the more He steps in, and makes my life sweet.<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Is it worth it? Of course it is. Is it difficult to do? Of course it is. But in the meantime, I\u2019ll keep feeding the elephant the odd peanut, and keep praying that with Hashem\u2019s help, it\u2019s only a matter of time until I really get the elephant under control, and doing useful things.<\/span><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In the book, \u2018Cheshbon Hanefesh\u2019, the author gives an analogy equating the yetzer hara \u2013 the evil inclination – with an elephant. In that analogy, he explains that the yetzer hara has to be dealt with sensibly, and its power harnessed for the good. If you give it everything that it wants, then you have … Continue reading “A Peanut for the Elephant”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":62109,"featured_media":1323776,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_joinchat":[],"footnotes":""},"categories":[83792],"tags":[22897,16460,16738,19846],"author_post":[14683],"new_serie":[],"class_list":["post-347044","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-holiness-for-men-and-women","tag-divine-presence","tag-shalom-bayit","tag-modesty","tag-personal-holiness","author_post-rivka-levy"],"acf":{"intro_text":"

A candid and amazing account of a beautiful young woman\u2019s battle with her evil inclination, and the connection between her aliya and her growth in personal modesty.<\/p>\n","breslev_id":"15107","post_views_count":"111","help_field_to_import_order_in_category":"406","updatetime":"01\/01\/0001","special_content_in_the_post":"none","meta_title":"A Peanut for the Elephant","meta_description":"A candid and amazing account of a beautiful young woman\u2019s battle with her evil inclination, and the connection between her aliya and growth in personal modesty.","paragraph_first":"","paragraph_second":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/347044","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/62109"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=347044"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/347044\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1323776"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=347044"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=347044"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=347044"},{"taxonomy":"author_post","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/author_post?post=347044"},{"taxonomy":"new_serie","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/new_serie?post=347044"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}