{"id":308989,"date":"2008-07-08T15:27:44","date_gmt":"2008-07-08T12:27:44","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/%d7%9c%d7%9c%d7%90-%d7%a7%d7%98%d7%92%d7%95%d7%a8%d7%99%d7%94\/rx-emuna-alans-odyssey-3\/"},"modified":"2024-05-21T09:41:29","modified_gmt":"2024-05-21T06:41:29","slug":"rx-emuna-alans-odyssey-3","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/308989\/","title":{"rendered":"Rx: Emuna! – Alan\u2019s Odyssey 3"},"content":{"rendered":"
Alan\u2019s Odyssey, Part 3<\/span><\/strong><\/div>\n
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Last week, we ended with Alan\u2019s telling his wife that he had a relapse.<\/i><\/div>\n
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She looked like she got hit by a Mack truck.\u00a0 She sat in stunned silence for a few minutes.\u00a0 She then got up and told me that she…and the kids… were leaving after Shabbat.<\/div>\n
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I was devastated and relieved at the same time.\u00a0 I was horrified that I\u00a0might lose my family.\u00a0 But at least the cat was out of the bag.\u00a0 I knew that I would now be able to get the help I desperately needed to save my life.<\/div>\n
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After Shabbat, my wife came to me and told me that she wasn’t leaving…yet.\u00a0 She demanded that I get the help I needed and told me that there would be absolutely no second chances if I didn’t.\u00a0\u00a0At the time, I was upset at the harsh treatment she was giving me but in hindsight it was just what I needed.<\/div>\n
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I decided immediately that I wouldn’t tell my parents.\u00a0\u00a0I didn’t want to hurt them.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cI didn’t tell them the first time so why should I tell them now\u201d, I thought.<\/div>\n
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That Motzaei Shabbat, I started calling my old friends in recovery\u00a0asking for help.\u00a0 I got a few voice mails and left messages.\u00a0 The next morning, my parents stopped by for a surprise visit with my kids.<\/div>\n
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As we were sitting in the kitchen, my cell phone rang.\u00a0\u00a0A recovery friend was returning the call I placed last night.\u00a0 I went upstairs to speak privately with him.\u00a0 I recounted the horrible thoughts I had been thinking only a day before.<\/div>\n
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As soon as I hung up the phone, my mother walked into the room.\u00a0 She had tears streaming down her face.\u00a0 She had heard the conversation.\u00a0 I was devastated at causing her such anguish.\u00a0 Yet I was also relieved.\u00a0 The cat was out of the bag again.\u00a0 And let\u2019s face it, I really needed my parents’ help.<\/div>\n
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It turns out my parents were on to my secret all along.\u00a0 They noticed my erratic behavior and were concerned.\u00a0They told me that they would come to my house Monday through Thursday to help\u00a0my wife with the kids so that\u00a0I could go to meetings.\u00a0 Thank G-d, they were unbelievably supportive.<\/div>\n
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Today, thank G-d, I’ve been clean for exactly 18 months!\u00a0 Spiritually it’s been much more of a struggle this time around.\u00a0 I stopped praying for a long time.\u00a0 I was angry at G-d.\u00a0 I felt that I got a “bum deal” from G-d.\u00a0 I had a really bad case of the “why me’s”:\u00a0 Why do I suffer from addiction.\u00a0 Why does my wife get on my cage so often?\u00a0 Why is my livelihood so tough?\u00a0 Why do I have to dislike my job so much?\u00a0 Why do I have to have such shalom bayit<\/em> (marital peace) issues?\u00a0 Why are my kids so wild?\u00a0 yada, yada, yada, lack of emuna…<\/div>\n
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My first time in recovery, I ran to G-d and reached (relatively) high levels very quickly.\u00a0 This time around, however, I fought G-d tooth and nail.\u00a0 I was determined to get Him back by not putting on tefillin. not davening, not learning, etc….\u00a0\u00a0 I was focused on recovery but this time, it wasn’t about G-d. My problem \u2013 no emuna. That\u2019s a sickness too in more ways than one.<\/div>\n
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Slowly I started to realize that it just wasn’t going to work this way!\u00a0 I started learning again (very slowly).\u00a0 I found myself learning more Breslev books.\u00a0They\u2019ve saved my life.<\/div>\n
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Dear reader, this isn\u2019t a fairy tale with a happy-ever-after ending. My life is still tough.\u00a0 Parnasa<\/i> could still use help!\u00a0 I have a ton of work to do to restore (maybe I never really had) shalom bayit.<\/i> My kids are wild as ever!! But I’m getting much better at life. I\u2019ve read and am rereading The Garden of Emuna<\/b>. My emuna is growing.\u00a0 I am starting to internalize the fact that everything is for the good.\u00a0 In the past, I acquired my “level” very quickly.\u00a0Since it wasn\u2019t for real, I also lost it very quickly.\u00a0 My loss outweighed my gain.<\/div>\n
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This time around, it’s been a much slower process.\u00a0 But I believe that this way, my loss will be way-outweighed by my gain in the long run.<\/div>\n
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I never stopped believing that G-d has something in store for me.\u00a0 I never stopped believing that I’m destined to use my experiences to help other Jews.\u00a0 I truly thought that I was “ready” back then.\u00a0 G-d knew I wasn’t.\u00a0 Like a seed, I needed to\u00a0“disintegrate” before I could sprout.<\/div>\n
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My relapse opened the door to Breslev for me.\u00a0 I still don’t know exactly who I am, but I realize that Rebbe Nachman’s teachings are crucial to spiritual healing in our generation, mine included. Thank G-d that there are a Rav Shalom Arush and a Rav Lazer Brody to bring Rebbe Nachman\u2019s teaching to this generation\u2019s eye-level.<\/div>\n
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Most importantly, Hitbodedut is crucial to spiritual healing in our generation.\u00a0 Had I embarked on my mission back in 2001 or 2002, I would have gone into battle without my most important weapon, Hitbodedut.\u00a0 Today, however, I am trying to make personal prayer a part of my life.\u00a0 Equally important, is the fact that today when I meet another Jew in recovery in addition to pointing out the benefits of learning Chassidut, I can tell them about personal prayer.\u00a0\u00a0Perhaps that was the reason that I had to stumble again.\u00a0 Who knows?<\/div>\n
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I want to close with one request \u2013 do yourself a favor and stay away from garbage that twists your mind. Not just drugs, but booze too; let\u2019s all get high from talking to Hashem. Peace to everybody, your friend Alan.<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Alan\u2019s Odyssey, Part 3 Last week, we ended with Alan\u2019s telling his wife that he had a relapse. She looked like she got hit by a Mack truck.\u00a0 She sat in stunned silence for a few minutes.\u00a0 She then got up and told me that she…and the kids… were leaving after Shabbat. I was devastated … Continue reading “Rx: Emuna! – Alan\u2019s Odyssey 3”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":62109,"featured_media":1361837,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_joinchat":[],"footnotes":""},"categories":[83790,15389,83793],"tags":[20024,16460,20006],"author_post":[14552],"new_serie":[86705],"class_list":["post-308989","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-emuna-stories-inspirational-stories","category-physical-and-emotional-health","category-teshuva-stories","tag-addiction","tag-shalom-bayit","tag-personal-prayer","author_post-alan-a","new_serie-alans-odyssey"],"acf":{"intro_text":"

Every cloud has a silver lining: Alan\u2019s relapse opened the door to Breslev for him. \u201cI realize today that Rebbe Nachman's teachings are crucial to my recovery\u201d.<\/p>\n","breslev_id":"9470","post_views_count":"106","help_field_to_import_order_in_category":"189","updatetime":"01\/01\/0001","serialid":"84","serialnumber":"3","special_content_in_the_post":"none","meta_title":"Rx: Emuna! - Alan\u2019s Odyssey 3","meta_description":"Every cloud has a silver lining: Alan\u2019s relapse opened the door to Breslev for him. \u201cI realize today that Rebbe Nachman's teachings are crucial to my recovery\u201d.","landing_form":false,"paragraph_first":"","paragraph_second":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/308989","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/62109"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=308989"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/308989\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1361837"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=308989"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=308989"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=308989"},{"taxonomy":"author_post","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/author_post?post=308989"},{"taxonomy":"new_serie","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/new_serie?post=308989"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}