{"id":1077492,"date":"2020-09-03T08:48:39","date_gmt":"2020-09-03T08:48:39","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/%d7%9c%d7%9c%d7%90-%d7%a7%d7%98%d7%92%d7%95%d7%a8%d7%99%d7%94\/the-workaholic-husband\/"},"modified":"2023-05-07T11:38:41","modified_gmt":"2023-05-07T11:38:41","slug":"the-workaholic-husband","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/1077492\/","title":{"rendered":"The Workaholic Husband"},"content":{"rendered":"
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I\u2019ve been married for almost 10 years and my husband is totally neglecting me and the kids recently. He is so wrapped up in his business that we stopped being his priority. He is always busy, leaves for business trips constantly and does not rush to get home. I\u2019ve tried to talk to him but he thinks it\u2019s just me and that I don\u2019t appreciate everything he does. He just switches the blame without addressing any of my concerns. He is very short tempered, everything sets him off. He screams at me and the kids all the time and then blames us for always not thinking. I am so lost. Is it my fault? Should I not express my frustrations and just keep\u00a0<\/span><\/span>quiet<\/span><\/span>\u00a0(which is what I think<\/span><\/span>\u00a0he wants me to do)<\/span><\/span>? Please help!<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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AB, Philadelphia, USA<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Your situation is really not easy! I am glad you emailed\u00a0<\/span><\/span>me<\/span><\/span>.\u00a0<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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First off, if you do not already have to books, you want to start reading\u00a0<\/span><\/span>The Garden of Emuna<\/span><\/span><\/a>\u00a0and\u00a0<\/span><\/span>Women\u2019s Wisdom \u2013 The Garden of Peace for Women<\/span><\/span><\/a>.\u00a0<\/span><\/span>You also want to get\u00a0<\/span><\/span>The Garden of Peace for Men<\/span><\/span><\/a>\u00a0<\/span><\/span>for your husband. These last 2 books are THE handbooks for a wonderful, happy marriage, which has saved thousands of marriages already and enhanced many more. I cannot hope to give you in a short email all the critical information you need, which is already in these books. You can buy them at a local Jewish bookstore, or from our online Store<\/a> using the embedded links. These are real workbooks \u2013 to read, work on, and pray about and they will certainly give you loads of encouragement and ideas, both for yourself, your marriage and your children.<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Next, the most important thing right now is emuna \u2013 to simply believe in God. God is all powerful, and He is in charge even of human beings. God is also your Heavenly Father \u2013 and a daddy never does anything bad to his daughter and grandkids! Now, that doesn\u2019t mean that the situation isn\u2019t nasty \u2013 it is. Nor does it mean that you should ignore it altogether.\u00a0<\/span><\/span>It means that God loves you, and sent you this serious marital problem for some purpose which is ultimately good for you, even though right now in the middle of the test, you cannot hope to know what it is.<\/span><\/span>\u00a0That\u2019s emuna. Emuna kicks in where the mind kicks out. I don\u2019t understand at all \u2013 but I am choosing anyway to believe that it\u2019s from God, and therefore, GOOD. Not good in the way it looks in physicality, but good for me in some spiritual way that I cannot understand right now, but I believe exists.<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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As I mentioned \u2013 just because it is ultimately good, does not mean that you become your husband\u2019s floor mat. No way! But, we need to be very wise about how we deal with this situation, because it sounds like it is a loaded powder keg \u2013 and not only is your life hanging in the balance, but so are your children\u2019s.\u00a0<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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The key lies in recognizing that this is a wake-up call from Hashem \u2013 like a loving father who sometimes has to pat the back of a daughter who isn\u2019t recognizing his presence, or has moved far away. Your husband is just a stick in Hashem\u2019s hand. God can turn his heart at a whim, can send him someone to say something to give him pause, or just make him wake up to his mistake\u00a0<\/span><\/span>on his own. But until you deal with what message God is trying to give you, then your husband might not turn around.<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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So, now we come to the real question \u2013 what is God trying to tell me? Honestly, I can\u2019t tell you! But I CAN tell you that the way to find out \u2013 is simply to ask God yourself! You need to make time to be alone and simply speak to God in your own words, the way that you might speak to your flesh and blood father or best friend. You can find a treasure house of articles on personal prayer\u00a0<\/span><\/span>by clicking here<\/span><\/span><\/a>. It\u2019s amazing how you get feedback from God during and after these sessions \u2013 but you really do. Obviously not in voices coming from the sky! But in ideas that suddenly come to mind (that\u2019s the most common for me personally), situations that change, conversations I have with others that give me the advice I need, etc.\u00a0<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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However, I would be lax if I didn\u2019t tell you about Rabbi Arush\u2019s winning formula to cancel suffering like this. It\u2019s called\u00a0<\/span><\/span>The\u00a0<\/span><\/span>Chok<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/span>Todah<\/span><\/span>\u00a0\u2013 The Law of Thank You<\/span><\/span><\/a>.\u00a0<\/span><\/span>Click on the link for all the information about how to do it. Rabbi Arush promises: The law really works! Just like water puts out fire, so this formula is very powerful to stop your suffering. Your topic will obviously be your husband \u2013\u00a0<\/span><\/span>Thank you God, for how much I am suffering from my husband not being home. God, I don\u2019t know at all why you are doing this to me, but I believe it\u2019s for the best. Thank you that because of this problem, I am starting to learn about emuna. Thank you that because of this problem, I am starting to speak to\u00a0<\/span><\/span>You<\/span><\/span>\u00a0in my own words, and create a relationship with You, which is the purpose of my creation in the first place.\u00a0<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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My husband\u2019s heart is in\u00a0<\/span><\/span>Your<\/span><\/span>\u00a0hands \u2013 and so am I. I know you\u2019ll take care of me and the kids no matter what. You\u2019ve always been there for me, even if I didn\u2019t see or recognize it. Thank you. I know\u00a0<\/span><\/span>You<\/span><\/span>\u00a0are here for me now. Thank you!\u00a0<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Something like that (I am just guessing with the words obviously) for 15 minutes. It goes much faster than you realize! Then you say Psalm 100 \u2013 8 times straight. You do that every day and see how your life will change with Hashem\u2019s help!<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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To read more about how emuna can turn everything around for the good, and how to grasp saying thank you even for things that are outright terrible in real time \u2013 I recommend reading the articles\u00a0<\/span><\/span>Say Thank You for Abuse?!<\/span><\/span><\/a>\u00a0<\/span><\/span>and<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/span>Gas Station Salvation<\/span><\/span><\/a>.\u00a0<\/span><\/span>Take another moment if you can to peruse some of the other articles in the\u00a0<\/span><\/span>Inspirational Stories<\/span><\/span><\/a>\u00a0category \u2013 they re-inspire me every time I read them!<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Try these tools for a little while, let\u2019s say a week or two, and see what happens. Hopefully you won\u2019t even have to wait that long. In the meantime, make a list of 10 things that are good about him, and try to compliment him on them during the time that he is home. Plus, try to say 10 thank\u00a0<\/span><\/span>you\u2019s<\/span><\/span>\u00a0to him while he is home as well, including thank you for working so hard to support us during Corona! You\u2019d be amazed how much such small gestures change the entire atmosphere in the home. You could also try writing him a letter.\u00a0<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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The truth is, that it\u2019s the very little things that make or break a marriage. I am NOT saying that this situation is your fault \u2013 but really, it doesn\u2019t matter who is at fault. At that matters is trying to improve the situation. The worst he can do is not care anyway \u2013 it certainly won\u2019t hurt. Whatever you can do, try to take the pain and bring it directly to God in personal prayer, but be only positive towards your husband right now, or at least, neutral. When a rubber band is pulled tight, it springs far in the other direction. We need to give him as much relaxed space as possible to want to put himself back into the marriage \u2013 no one ever changed because of complaints or criticism, however justified.\u00a0<\/span><\/span>Don\u2019t be right \u2013 be wise!<\/span><\/span>\u00a0And really pray that he will read his\u00a0<\/span><\/span>book \u2013 because if he will read and work on what is taught there, it will solve all your problems, even far past working too much and ignoring you!<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Note that these tools deal with the spiritual problems that lie at the root of this situation. Most marital advice is just\u00a0<\/span><\/span>band-aids<\/span><\/span>\u00a0\u2013 at best. But this advice has been proven to actually fix and change the situation \u2013 because you\u2019re dealing with the real problems, not the symptoms.<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Rachel Avrahami\u00a0grew up\u00a0in Los Angeles, CA, USA in a\u00a0<\/span>far off<\/span>\u00a0valley where she was one of only a handful of Jews in a public high school of thousands. She found Hashem in the urban jungle of university. Rachel was privileged to read one of the first copies of\u00a0<\/span><\/span>The Garden of Emuna<\/span><\/span><\/a>\u00a0in English, and the rest, as they say, is history. She made Aliyah and immediately began working at\u00a0<\/span>Breslev<\/span>\u00a0Israel.\u00a0<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/span>
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Rachel is now the Editor of\u00a0<\/span>Breslev<\/span>\u00a0Israel’s English website. She welcomes questions, comments,\u00a0articles, and personal stories\u00a0to her email:\u00a0<\/span><\/span>rachel.avrahami@breslev.co.il<\/span><\/span><\/a>.<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I\u2019ve been married for almost 10 years and my husband is totally neglecting me and the kids recently. He is so wrapped up in his business that we stopped being his priority. He is always busy, leaves for business trips constantly and does not rush to get home. I\u2019ve tried to talk to him but … Continue reading “The Workaholic Husband”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":62109,"featured_media":1077493,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_joinchat":[],"footnotes":""},"categories":[15178],"tags":[16369,16438,16460,20006,72740],"author_post":[15478],"new_serie":[],"class_list":["post-1077492","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-marital-harmony","tag-emuna","tag-marriage","tag-shalom-bayit","tag-personal-prayer","tag-thanking-hashem","author_post-rachel-avrahami"],"acf":{"intro_text":"

Her husband is constantly going on business trips and not rushing home. When he is home, he just yells at her and the kids they don\u2019t appreciate him enough\u2026<\/p>\n","special_content_in_the_post":"none","meta_title":"The Workaholic Husband","meta_description":"Her husband is constantly going on business trips and not rushing home. When he is home, he just yells at her and the kids they don\u2019t appreciate him enough\u2026","paragraph_first":"","paragraph_second":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1077492","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/62109"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1077492"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1077492\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1077493"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1077492"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1077492"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1077492"},{"taxonomy":"author_post","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/author_post?post=1077492"},{"taxonomy":"new_serie","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/new_serie?post=1077492"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}