{"id":1074678,"date":"2020-06-01T08:17:08","date_gmt":"2020-06-01T08:17:08","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/%d7%9c%d7%9c%d7%90-%d7%a7%d7%98%d7%92%d7%95%d7%a8%d7%99%d7%94\/our-little-friends\/"},"modified":"2023-04-23T11:21:10","modified_gmt":"2023-04-23T11:21:10","slug":"our-little-friends","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/1074678\/","title":{"rendered":"Our Little Friends"},"content":{"rendered":"
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All of us want to be loved and appreciated.\u00a0<\/span><\/span>The main way that we are judged by others is\u00a0<\/span><\/span>through\u00a0<\/span><\/span>our interpersonal\u00a0<\/span><\/span>behavior<\/span><\/span>.\u00a0 A wise<\/span><\/span>,\u00a0 <\/span><\/span>powerful<\/span><\/span>,\u00a0 <\/span><\/span>or\u00a0 <\/span><\/span>wealthy<\/span><\/span>\u00a0 individual who\u00a0<\/span><\/span>is deficient in\u00a0<\/span><\/span>how he treats others might be<\/span><\/span>\u00a0appreciated for those qualities,\u00a0<\/span><\/span>but\u00a0<\/span><\/span>in their hearts<\/span><\/span>,<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/span>people\u00a0<\/span><\/span>look down upon him due to\u00a0<\/span><\/span>his poor<\/span><\/span>\u00a0behavior between himself and the people around him<\/span><\/span>.\u00a0<\/span><\/span>Therefore,\u00a0<\/span><\/span>anyone who wants to truly be successful<\/span><\/span>\u00a0must<\/span><\/span>\u00a0work on his character traits and\u00a0<\/span><\/span>make it a priority to improve the way he\u00a0<\/span><\/span>treats other people, and properly fulfill the commandments \u201cbetween man and his fellow<\/span><\/span>\u00a0man<\/span><\/span>.\u201d<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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The\u00a0<\/span><\/span>\u201cFellow\u201d That\u00a0<\/span><\/span>We Don\u2019t Recognize<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Our relationships with others are\u00a0<\/span><\/span>integral to\u00a0<\/span><\/span>man\u2019s\u00a0<\/span><\/span>purpose in this world. That is why a significant portion of the\u00a0<\/span><\/span>commandments relate to how we treat others<\/span><\/span>.\u00a0<\/span><\/span>I think most of us know already about<\/span><\/span>\u00a0the importance of this topic.\u00a0<\/span><\/span>What<\/span><\/span>\u00a0most of us do not realize is that the laws \u201cbetween man and your fellow man\u201d<\/span><\/span>\u00a0applies fully to our children<\/span><\/span>\u00a0as well.<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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\u201cYour fellow man\u201d<\/span><\/span>\u00a0includes anyone who was created in the image of Hashem.\u00a0<\/span><\/span>O<\/span><\/span>ur children aren\u2019t any less than our friends at work or\u00a0<\/span><\/span>at<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/span>shul<\/span><\/span>.\u00a0<\/span><\/span>Not only\u00a0<\/span><\/span>are\u00a0<\/span><\/span>they\u00a0<\/span><\/span>not less, rather, they are much<\/span><\/span>,\u00a0<\/span><\/span>much<\/span><\/span>\u00a0more than anyone else!<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/span>We also must treat them nicely<\/span><\/span>,\u00a0<\/span><\/span>have\u00a0<\/span><\/span>patience<\/span><\/span>\u00a0with them<\/span><\/span>, and use all our\u00a0<\/span><\/span>good traits<\/span><\/span>\u00a0\u2013 just like everyone else<\/span><\/span>. We must also be vigilant to keep\u00a0<\/span><\/span>ourselves far, far<\/span><\/span>\u00a0away from becoming\u00a0<\/span><\/span>ang<\/span><\/span>ry with them, insulting or e<\/span><\/span>mbarrassing them, and of course\u00a0<\/span><\/span>resorting to violence or abuse<\/span><\/span>\u00a0of any kind.\u00a0<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Children are not our property. They are holy souls. They are the children of the Creator of the world that are entrusted to us. True, it is our responsibility to educate them and set for them healthy boundaries. But we are obligated with the utmost responsibility to treat them nicely<\/span><\/span>\u00a0and with respect<\/span><\/span>, love them, and build their individual personalities.\u00a0<\/span><\/span>This is not at all contradictory to properly educating them \u2013 in fact, this is true education!<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Certainly it is an important task to improve our relationships with everyone, but we must primarily work to improve ourselves within our own homes and with our own children.\u00a0<\/span><\/span>Your true measure of improvement is with your own family.\u00a0<\/span><\/span>Your first obligation is towards them.\u00a0<\/span><\/span>I<\/span><\/span>nternalize that your children are included in the mitzv<\/span><\/span>ah<\/span><\/span>\u00a0of \u201clove your fellow as yourself,\u201d and\u00a0<\/span><\/span>with regards to them, this is especially\u00a0<\/span><\/span>\u201ca great rule of the Torah\u201d!<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Relationship Skills in the Home<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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There is<\/span><\/span>,<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/span>however,\u00a0<\/span><\/span>an important difference between your colleagues and even your spouse, versus your children. I<\/span><\/span>f you\u00a0<\/span><\/span>yell\u00a0<\/span><\/span>at your friend,\u00a0<\/span><\/span>it can really hurt him<\/span><\/span>. But if the friend is emotionally healthy,\u00a0<\/span><\/span>he will be able to get over it\u00a0<\/span><\/span>sooner or later.\u00a0<\/span><\/span>However,\u00a0<\/span><\/span>if you shout at your child, you bury your child in the ground<\/span><\/span>. It is not so certai<\/span><\/span>n\u00a0<\/span><\/span>when, or if,<\/span><\/span>\u00a0the child will\u00a0<\/span><\/span>ever\u00a0<\/span><\/span>come out of it.<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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A<\/span><\/span>\u00a0child is a delicate and fragile little thing<\/span><\/span>. E<\/span><\/span>ven if he\u00a0<\/span><\/span>runs\u00a0<\/span><\/span>wild<\/span><\/span>, he is still\u00a0<\/span><\/span>only\u00a0<\/span><\/span>just a\u00a0<\/span><\/span>little\u00a0<\/span><\/span>chil<\/span><\/span>d.\u00a0<\/span><\/span>But you\u00a0<\/span><\/span>are so big<\/span><\/span>\u00a0compared to him! T<\/span><\/span>o him you are this big scary giant, who rules over his life. As long as you are loving, pleasant and friendly\u00a0<\/span><\/span>to him, then he is happy and content<\/span><\/span>,\u00a0<\/span><\/span>since\u00a0<\/span><\/span>he has a backbone. The strongest people he knows are by his side an<\/span><\/span>d are there to help him. But the moment you turn around and become his enemy<\/span><\/span>\u00a0and scream at him,\u00a0<\/span><\/span>he is gripped by terror and feels that his life is in danger \u2013 totally lost.\u00a0<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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A Child In Front of a<\/span><\/span>\u00a0Roaring Lion<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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It is not much less than standi<\/span><\/span>ng in front of a roaring lion. In front of a lion, you are helpless and when he attacks you, you become paralyzed with the fear of death.\u00a0<\/span><\/span>That is\u00a0<\/span><\/span>the child in front of you that is helpless<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/span>and terrified<\/span><\/span>, and\u00a0<\/span><\/span>when you\u00a0<\/span><\/span>attack him<\/span><\/span>,\u00a0<\/span><\/span>he feels the exact<\/span><\/span>\u00a0same thing.\u00a0<\/span><\/span>Even if you don\u2019t hit him,\u00a0<\/span><\/span>the fact that you\u00a0<\/span><\/span>shout<\/span><\/span>ed<\/span><\/span>\u00a0at him<\/span><\/span>\u00a0makes him deathly afraid. You literally traumatize him.<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Are you really prepared\u00a0<\/span><\/span>to give your child such a terrifying experience…<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/span>with your own<\/span><\/span>\u00a0two<\/span><\/span>\u00a0hands<\/span><\/span>?!<\/span><\/span>\u00a0If a similar trauma would befall your child from an outside source G-d forbid<\/span><\/span>\u00a0– y<\/span><\/span>ou would\u00a0<\/span><\/span>surely\u00a0<\/span><\/span>invest time and money and go to\u00a0<\/span><\/span>experts to<\/span><\/span>\u00a0help him with the trauma. However,\u00a0<\/span><\/span>when you yourself are the cause of the mental scar,\u00a0<\/span><\/span>you don\u2019t notice the t<\/span><\/span>remendous damage it does!<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/span>I<\/span><\/span>t is<\/span><\/span>\u00a0a great mitzvah to internalize and understand this<\/span><\/span>\u00a0truth<\/span><\/span>.<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Prefer the<\/span><\/span>\u00a0Fiery\u00a0<\/span><\/span>Furnace<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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This same concept applies\u00a0<\/span><\/span>to embarrassing and shaming<\/span><\/span>\u00a0our children<\/span><\/span>. Our holy sages teach us that\u00a0<\/span><\/span>some<\/span><\/span>one who\u00a0<\/span><\/span>embarrasses<\/span><\/span>\u00a0another\u00a0<\/span><\/span>\u2013 it\u00a0<\/span><\/span>is literally as if he\u00a0<\/span><\/span>killed him. In fact,\u00a0<\/span><\/span>it is preferable\u00a0<\/span><\/span>to throw\u00a0<\/span><\/span>oneself\u00a0<\/span><\/span>into a fiery furnace rath<\/span><\/span>er than embarrass someone else<\/span><\/span>.\u00a0<\/span><\/span>S<\/span><\/span>ince this is true\u00a0<\/span><\/span>of<\/span><\/span>\u00a0an adult who has a strong\u00a0<\/span><\/span>backbone, even much more so it is true\u00a0<\/span><\/span>with<\/span><\/span>\u00a0regards to our children.\u00a0<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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After all, a child has no confidence of his own. He has no knowledge of\u00a0<\/span><\/span>his innate\u00a0<\/span><\/span>self<\/span><\/span>–<\/span><\/span>worth. His entire<\/span><\/span>\u00a0self-<\/span><\/span>image comes directly from his parents. Any damag<\/span><\/span>e or injury that comes from you<\/span><\/span>\u00a0burns deep\u00a0<\/span><\/span>into<\/span><\/span>\u00a0his personality.\u00a0<\/span><\/span>He grows up with a crushed self-<\/span><\/span>image that\u2019s not certain to ever be restored. This is true beyond any doubt –\u00a0<\/span><\/span>any person that is\u00a0<\/span><\/span>unsuccessful in life, it is because their parents\u00a0<\/span><\/span>hurt, insulted, and\u00a0<\/span><\/span>shamed them in their childhood.\u00a0<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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If you can just be honest and think to yourself how\u00a0<\/span><\/span>well\u00a0<\/span><\/span>yo<\/span><\/span>u<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/span>manage when embarrassed<\/span><\/span>,\u00a0<\/span><\/span>and\u00a0<\/span><\/span>what this does to\u00a0<\/span><\/span>y<\/span><\/span>our<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/span>emotions<\/span><\/span>,\u00a0<\/span><\/span>and\u00a0<\/span><\/span>how hard it is for\u00a0<\/span><\/span>y<\/span><\/span>ou\u00a0<\/span><\/span>to\u00a0<\/span><\/span>cope with\u00a0<\/span><\/span>situations like this<\/span><\/span>\u00a0–\u00a0<\/span><\/span>you\u2019ll easily be able to double<\/span><\/span>\u00a0and triple those feelings\u00a0<\/span><\/span>and think about your child, who in the\u00a0<\/span><\/span>same situation\u00a0<\/span><\/span>simply\u00a0<\/span><\/span>does not have the capabilities to\u00a0<\/span><\/span>digest and cope with<\/span><\/span>\u00a0those strong emotions<\/span><\/span>. This is a fatal internal injury.\u00a0<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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This Is the Time<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Most of us<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/span>were<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/span>stuck\u00a0<\/span><\/span>in the house\u00a0<\/span><\/span>together\u00a0<\/span><\/span>with the children<\/span><\/span>\u00a0for days and weeks on end,\u00a0<\/span><\/span>in<\/span><\/span>\u00a0fear and uncertainty<\/span><\/span>. The\u00a0<\/span><\/span>pressure was\u00a0<\/span><\/span>maxed out<\/span><\/span>, and<\/span><\/span>\u00a0friction was inevitable<\/span><\/span>.\u00a0<\/span><\/span>Now<\/span><\/span>, it<\/span><\/span>\u00a0is\u00a0<\/span><\/span>time to\u00a0<\/span><\/span>make<\/span><\/span>\u00a0a fresh start,\u00a0<\/span><\/span>and begin again<\/span><\/span>,\u00a0<\/span><\/span>and<\/span><\/span>\u00a0restore our rel<\/span><\/span>ationship with our little friends.\u00a0<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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We must\u00a0<\/span><\/span>work on ourselves<\/span><\/span><\/a>\u00a0every day<\/a> in order to achieve this<\/span><\/span>.\u00a0<\/span><\/span>We must\u00a0<\/span><\/span>set aside time\u00a0<\/span><\/span>every day\u00a0<\/span><\/span>to speak with the Creator of the\u00a0<\/span><\/span>W<\/span><\/span>orld,\u00a0<\/span><\/span>and\u00a0<\/span><\/span>ask Him to help us\u00a0<\/span><\/span>fix our character traits,\u00a0<\/span><\/span>and\u00a0<\/span><\/span>accept everything with\u00a0<\/span>emuna<\/span><\/span>\u00a0including whatever the children do. We must\u00a0<\/span><\/span>develop and teach ourselves, and naturally this will\u00a0<\/span><\/span>express itself<\/span><\/span>\u00a0in our\u00a0<\/span><\/span>relationship with our\u00a0<\/span><\/span>children.\u00a0<\/span><\/span>In the way that we want to go, H<\/span><\/span>eaven will help us, and\u00a0<\/span><\/span>enable<\/span><\/span>\u00a0us to raise\u00a0<\/span><\/span>successful<\/span><\/span>\u00a0children<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/span>who are strong and healthy in body and soul. The cherry on top will be the wonderful pleasure we receive from our children as they grow into the people G-d created them to be.<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

All of us want to be loved and appreciated.\u00a0The main way that we are judged by others is\u00a0through\u00a0our interpersonal\u00a0behavior.\u00a0 A wise,\u00a0 powerful,\u00a0 or\u00a0 wealthy\u00a0 individual who\u00a0is deficient in\u00a0how he treats others might be\u00a0appreciated for those qualities,\u00a0but\u00a0in their hearts,\u00a0people\u00a0look down upon him due to\u00a0his poor\u00a0behavior between himself and the people around him.\u00a0Therefore,\u00a0anyone who wants to truly … Continue reading “Our Little Friends”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":62109,"featured_media":1074679,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_joinchat":[],"footnotes":""},"categories":[15180],"tags":[21416,16646,52547],"author_post":[14273],"new_serie":[86763],"class_list":["post-1074678","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-children-and-education","tag-child-education","tag-family-and-relationships","tag-man-and-fellow-man","author_post-rabbi-shalom-arush","new_serie-believe-in-your-children"],"acf":{"intro_text":"

Being stuck in the house with the children all day has only highlighted our need to work on ourselves and how we treat our little friends\u2026<\/p>\n","special_content_in_the_post":"none","meta_title":"Our Little Friends","meta_description":"Being stuck in the house with the children all day has only highlighted our need to work on ourselves and how we treat our little friends\u2026","paragraph_first":"","paragraph_second":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1074678","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/62109"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1074678"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1074678\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1074679"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1074678"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1074678"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1074678"},{"taxonomy":"author_post","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/author_post?post=1074678"},{"taxonomy":"new_serie","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/breslev.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/new_serie?post=1074678"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}