We have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night.

LJ Idol Season 10- Week 5 - Home Game - "Fear is the heart of love"

2017-01-14T06:22:14Z

"Fear is the heart of love"

I put my life into someones hands by giving them my physical body.

Reality hit that it was actually going to happen when I watched him wipe the sweat off his forehead with a black bandana. I walked over to him excited but with slight hesitance as I looked into his dominating blue eyes. We already had an understanding which was safe and certainly sane compared to what was going on all around us. He was the leader of the pack, the reason why we all showed up and I was shocked that he chose me. I was very nervous, I even considered turning around, running down 7 flights of stairs in my costume. He didn't doubt be, instead he looked me right in the eyes and I just melted. "Screw the roses" I thought, I would like to do whatever he liked so I consented with no desire to turn back.

People started to notice he felt like putting on a show. They surrounded us as he started to hit me.

During the first hit my initial fears started to shatter. I wondered who I was and why I decided to be there.

During the second hit I felt exposed. My insecurities were on display as they stopped and watched. I was being accepted even though my worst was the center of attention. My imperfections were admired and my strength to set them free only bonded me further into my chosen family. Although I was no longer free I felt warmth and relaxation like I was above clouds.

During the third hit I felt safe. I liked being away from myself. He saw me cry but he loved my tears as I became faithful. My body got used to the pain, and I was a lucky girl to be able to switch the pain and pleasure receptors in my brain.

At this point a woman came to rescue me in case if I needed it. She put her hands softly on my hand and asked if I wanted to be taken to rest. I looked at her and smiled, she was like an angel to me. But I still looked at him with more reverence as he continuously beat me. This submission brought me into a peaceful light, he was my God, the only higher power I needed. Each hit made me feel closer and closer to him, until not only did he own my being, but he owned my heart.

I couldn't say a word. I felt excruciating pain. I wanted to win this fight, even though the true fight was only against myself.

But my body was bound and my mouth was covered. Tears rolled down my check. There was nothing I could do about but submit to him, and love him until we completed.

My body was redder, but my insides were so much stronger. I wonder why he disappeared.

Hello

2014-02-11T21:32:54Z

I want to start using this again and be super candid. Is anyone reading still? :)

I will probably add more people I just want to know who is here. Speak up!

Now I am pissed off (at my neighbors).

2012-02-24T02:29:19Z

My neighbors officially crossed the line from being a pain in my ass to making me want to cuddle with a puke snarfing festering sputum bag from hell. I swear they spend their leisure time devising ever more ways to replace intellectual integrity.

They moved downstairs about a year ago.

I knew I didn't like them during my first encounter with them. I walked outside to walk my dog. The wife took a look at him, screamed, then pushed her two kids inside the house and gave me a look of death right before she slammed the door.

**Nice to meet you too, bitch.**

Sherlock is cute, okay? So fucking cute. He is a miniature dachshund, 13 pounds, 6 inches high and about 18 inches long. He is shy and avoids strangers. Good thing I am considerate to other people or else I would make him do his business on their front step. I got that same disrespectful look from her pretty much every time I saw her after that. Even from her kids. They wont acknowledge talk to me or my roommate, they will only talk to my fiance. That is because he has a heart of gold. After all, he is actually willing to be seen with me in public and sleep with me (totally kidding). But he really does have a heart of gold and people can sense it easily and take advantage. They certainly tried to.

A few weeks later we had a party on a Saturday night. They called the cops around 10:00 and had them break it up. I am not too mad at them about this one. We were loud. I more was annoyed that they disturbed my pleasant evening.

This is when I started feeling agitated:

-Some teenagers smoke pot a lot in the laundry room. Anyone can smell it because they smoke so much weed their bong gets washed more then their dishes. Now don't get me wrong, I am not hating. I enjoy the occasional blunt. But I do it discretely. It would be hard for the neighbors to smell it. Well, the assholes decided to call the apartment management and tell them it is us who were smoking and they think we are doing it right now. Our apartment got inspected

-They knocked on our door once at 2:00pm on Saturday afternoon asking us to please not make noise because there kids were trying to take a nap (their kids are at least 10). Tough life.

-They are constantly banging on their ceiling trying to get us to not make noise throughout the day. To them not making noise is to not talk, or walk. In fact if we quit doing both it would really convenience them. Noted.

-Speaking about silence, the husband is constantly on his cell phone shouting outside my window on a week night. Nice, I only wake up at 5:30am on weekdays to work.

-They complained to James when he threw a garbage bag down the stairs, walked downstairs, and through it in the dumpster. That bothered them.

This is when I started getting PISSED:

Last week they approached James and asked if they could put their satellite dish on OUR BALCONY. Oh hell no. Hell fucking no. If it was anyone else I would consider it. But I am not because:

-They will need to come into our apartment. To install it, to adjust it, etc. I don't want them near my shit.

-If ANYTHING happens to us they will come after us for it. Especially considering our history.

-They are assholes whose brain is immune to logic or any reasonable argument

They also called our apartment management office and asked if they could put their dish in our apartment. After multiple hits of rejection, the husband asked James again. James said no. The husband had the audacity to argue with him. I am convinced he wants to operate in the gray area between legitimate activity and power drunk totalitarianism.

James just sent me a text and said they approached him again tonight and asked him again about using our balcony. He gave a stern no and they got angry with him.

I am fuming that not only do they have the nerve to ask us for a favor, multiple times, but to approach James 4 times with ANGER. I swear to the Lords of Kobol if they come near him one more time I am going to pull the harassment card. Then they will be riding a tree hugging clown for nickels in a dilapidated hardware store. Assholes.

Twitter

2010-11-15T21:25:04Z

I swore I would never do this. I want to see what the big deal is...

Follow me! I swear you will never see any tweets on this LJ.

http://twitter.com/#!/yourpencilskirt

Paralysis

2010-07-08T22:54:33Z

One of my big fears is getting paralyzed.

I think it all started when myspace was big. I had (well, I still have) my default picture set as myself laying across my bed. You can only see my head and chest and I am laying down awkwardly. I guess someone in the wheelchair community on facebook came across me and assumed I was paralyzed. I ended up being intrigued with her. I added her back and we started chatting all the time through messenger and emails. She got into a car accident which injured her spine and she became paralyzed from the waist down.

Even though I felt bad, at the same time I was fascinated. I wanted to know everything. How she felt, how she went through her daily routine, how she had sex, etc.

I think we became rather close and made plans to meet, but of course that didn't happen.

But still in the meantime I lurked through paralyzing/wheelchair communities, members profiles etc. I even remembering following one girl who was paralyzed from waist down but making every effort to walk again. Her progress was amazing.

I remember there was one post that would help teach un-handicapped friends what it felt like to be paralyzed:

The Finger Trick:

-Take your hand (either one) and place palm side down on a table or any hard surface

-Bend your middle finger beneath your hand.

-With your fingers spread out try raising your pinky. You can do it without a problem.

-Now try raising you index finger. You can do it without a problem.

-Now try raising your ring finger. You can’t. No matter how hard you try, you are unable to pick it up.

It turns out this occurs because the reason your ring finger is unable to move while the middle finger is in that position is because the tendons are connected.I remember doing this and totally emphasizing what it felt like to not be able to move my legs. I was pretty obsessed.

All of the sudden out of the blue, I received daily friends requests from people who were paralyzed. Literally, no joke, I got several requests daily. I even got an email from a guy who said his girlfriend just lost use of her legs and he was hoping to befriend me to know what I felt like.

I don't know how this started, maybe people had trackers on their profiles and saw me looking. It is the only logical explanation I could think of. After this went on for months it started freaking me out. I changed my profile picture to myself standing up. Immediately the requests stopped.

Eventually facebook took over and everything stopped.

But I am still in total fear that I will wake up and my legs wont move. In fact, whenever I notice that I have been staying still for a long time I check my legs to make sure if I can move them. If I can feel my fingers run over them. Even though all my checks pass, I am still skeptical, and will constantly check.

Even when I wake up from a nap. I am starting to become un-logical

Does anyone else have a fear like that?

LJ Idol Home Game - Token

2010-04-13T00:41:36Z

I stared into the darkness.

It was 3:49am and I felt soaked from night sweat. I wiped my bangs away from my forehead, which felt mounted on. Exposing my eyes made me realize he had been awake too, and we made contact.

I noticed sweat on his face by his eyes; I wondered it was tears knowing he was looking at me in the middle of the night for almost the last time.

He broke the silence. "Are you thirsty"?

"Yeah, let’s go". My nightmare was quite dehydrating.

Side by side we practically slept-walked into the kitchen and felt the cool floor impact our bare sweltered feet. He poured juice into two glasses, and we drank them simultaneously.

The drink felt tangy on my tongue. I closed my eyes and savored the energizing dance of sparkling pomegranate, mouth-watering apple, charged with a sugary after-taste. I swallowed and appreciated the cooling sensation as it traveled through me.

I felt the familiar awkward silence, so I leaned against the counter and let my mind wander. We all get anomalous feelings in our bodies, many which aren’t typically discussed with other people. Such as the fluttering of the eyelid when one is tired, an ache in the shin when it is about to rain, the relief after a blister is popped, or the nasty coating that covers teeth after enjoying candy. These feelings sit in our private thoughts until someone else shares that it happens to them too, and in that split moment a bond is shared; one that reconnects in the future when the feeling comes back.

My thoughts were interrupted when he spoke.

He asked Do you ever get that feeling in your body when you drink a cold drink, and feel the cool rush travel down your throat and hit your stomach?

I trembled. "Actually, I do".

I finished my juice and placed the empty glass back on the counter. When I turned around, we made eye contact a second time.

At that moment, I felt an odd bond. I loved his throat. I loved his esophagus that pushed the juice down into his stomach. I loved how the organs of his body worked to provide him with the nourishment needed to make him function, as it caused his legs to shiver, the exact same time I did. For the very last time, I loved him. I loved every cell, every atom that made up every organ in his body.

Then as another year crept by I slowly allowed our memories to fade, as it was the healthy thing to do. However, as much as one can forget, little pieces of information one has been given can come back to disturb.

Sort of like when I just had my orange juice. It tasted sweet and luscious going in, but it was cooling as it traveled down my throat, and put a frost into my stomach. That bond suddenly reconnected, and I recalled the last time I loved him.

Out of all the tastes, bitterness is known to be the most sensitive as it is repulsive and abrupt.

It is funny how the sweetest orange juice can quickly turn so bitter.

Guitar

2009-05-13T22:56:35Z

For those of you who asked:

My last post about Billy Corgan ever.

2009-04-23T04:32:21Z

NEWSFLASH.

I am OFFICIALLY over Billy Corgan. His frolicking with Courtney Love started it, his sex sessions with Tila Tequilla strengthened it, but after watching this video?

It is motherfucking OVER.

Billy Corgan, I might have loved it when you would sing Zero, but now you have nothing but a divide-by-zero look on your face. To me you have become a preposterous, chromosome deficient object of execration.

/Billy Corgan

brb

2009-04-09T19:25:07Z

BRB, in a few days. Or as my man Desmond would say, "See you in another life, brother". :)

LJ Idol Week 27 - Step One - The Redo - Cracked Up

2009-03-30T00:46:44Z

It was quite difficult to walk, especially with so many eyes on me.

Something that came so naturally, something I have been doing since I was only a toddler can be forgotten instantaneously.

In my attempt, I would raise up one leg, bend my knee, and stumble as I put it down. My name was already called so even though I felt exposed, I had to keep walking to the balance beam - shocked that I didn’t fall over on the way.

My eyes looked at the crowd. Sitting there were so many people who had different meanings to me. In one area there were there was a group of girls who were always cruel to me but was there to support my teammates, on one end was my ex-boyfriend with his friends- probably there to watch the other girls in leotards, my crush at the time - hopefully there to see me, my parents, and friends.

Inside of us, there are so many different organs. All of these broken feelings may start in the brain, but when they get intense enough, the body physically feels the effects all over.

Heartbreak pumped from my heart; fear provided an uncomfortable sensation of warmth under my neck; anxiety tied a knot below my chest; weakness was dancing around in my legs.

Once the judges were ready for me one of them would salute me, by raising their hand in the air. Then when I am ready to mount onto the beam, I salute them back.

During the next eighty four seconds performing on an area only four inches wide and four feet in the air, I had to stay glued together.

Any minor error I made would be recorded and penalized by the judges. If I wore nail polish, adjusted my leotard, forget to point my toes, or even scratched an itch discretely, it would get noted. It was time to ignore my broken body and be strong.

Any major error would cause my bones to break, my skull to crack, my nose to bleed; therefore I would look on the outside the same way I did on the inside.

I pretended the balance beam was one long magnet. There were also magnets in my hands and feet, light enough so I could jump high into the air, yet strong enough so my body would stick back to the beam every time it left it.

I hopped on the vault, grabbed the beam with my hands, and held myself up in a handstand for a few seconds, spread my legs so I looked like the letter "T", and slowly brought them down in position so I was doing a center split across the beam. I put one hand in the air to pose, raised my back high, then winked at the judges.

They smiled, and wrote something down, they loved when the girls winked. When they acted like they weren’t in pain.

After standing up gracefully, I performed a series of acrobatic moves, turns, leaps, and dances, then worked my way to one end of the beam. I closed my eyes and focused.

I did two back handsprings, letting my hands glue to the softness of the light brown suede in between each one, turned, and did a front tuck to dismount. I bent my knee’s as my feet hit the floor, turned and did my ending salute.

There was my prompt to turn my body back to who I really was, a shattered girl hidden underneath pale skin.

* * * *

One can crack into software- illegally modifying it to remove protection methods.

People crack eggs every morning, watching the contents splatter on their pan, frying and making cackling sounds in their kitchen.

Some snort crack, inhaling the powder through their nose, and allow it to be absorbed into the bloodstream through the nasal tissues, making them feel euphoria, and in obtaining extreme confidence.

Even a diamond, which is the hardest naturally occurring material known due to the strong covalent bonds can crack, and possibly shatter relatively easily from impact of a hammer.

One’s health can break so easily by something that can‘t even be seen by the naked eye. A virus, an organism just 20 to 400 nanometers in diameter can move onto one microscopic humans cell, thus destroying the body.

So many things can crack so easily, so why can't I say that my brain is broken?

* * * *

I long for those eighty four seconds to return, since I felt obligated for all my body parts to be put together as one. The time when people would watch me in awe, as I turned into an exquisite magnet; causing balance, movement, and just downright existing to look so simple.

I may appear collected, but inside I am so delicate.

I fake confidence now just so I can walk properly. I look graceful as I can even though inside I hesitate. I smile big, and let it light up a room.

Everyday I drive my truck across a bridge, with the window open allowing the wind to blow my long blonde hair in many directions. I look at the beautiful body of the Hudson River, and day dream about making a sharp turn to the right, driving right into it.

When I would be found I know I would do good - my license indicates that I am an organ donor. However, I am concerned about the people who would get my parts.

My organs function from a brain that lacks the necessary hormones to keep myself happy.

I worry about who will wear my corneas, which helped me see what no woman should see.

I worry about the person who would receive my liver, which must be frail from all of those years of fostering the burdensome knot of anxiety that lays on top of it.

Most of all, I worry about the unlucky soul who will obtain the pieces left of my dissipating heart.

This voice post is for my buddy gratefuladdict

2009-03-04T01:47:39Z

Edit: FUCK. I am eating some Ben and Jerrys that was in my freezer. However upon closer inspection of the carton, I realized it is not the low-fat version. FUCK FUCK THE FAT ICE CREAM.

LJ Idol Week 20 - Love Means Never Having to Say

2009-02-11T03:48:11Z

I was hidden in a wooden box.

I crouched down in its corner to make myself as small as possible. I attempted to remain quiet, but at the moment it didn't really matter. He couldn't hear me over sounds that reminded me of the fireworks from last summer; that beautiful night where we laid on terry cloth blankets and watched the explosions in the sky.

Where are you hiding?

My elbows throbbed from the splinters, my eyes stung with tears. My knees were scraped and I had watched a stream of my blood tremble over the softwood lumber.

I wanted to jump out and scream, cry, stomp my feet; anything to have released my frustration. But I couldn't which angered me so much more. I had to stay invisible in the box, hoping he wouldn't know I was inside. I desperately tried to keep calm, to block out the reality that this might be the last position I was to lay in for the rest of my life.

The gun was coming, I heard it loud and clear.

Are you ready to die?

That was it, he found out, and I was at the end. At that point I knew I was never going to be able to wear his ring around my finger; I was never never going to feel his baby grow in my womb; I was never going to smell the sweet spearmint on his breath when he would lean in to kiss me.

I tried to focus on the fresh, sweet, balsamic aroma of the wood, but the smell of war was too overpowering. That is when we made eye contact, for our last time.

Do you believe in God?

Well, I had a question for him too. Did he want to know how deeply my soul can go? My soul goes deeper than my skin, my bones, and my tangible heart.

Our bodies are only molecules of oxygen, carbon, hydrogen, nitrogen, calcium, and phosphorus. Similar elements to the box of wood I was hidden in, made up of many rings of carbon and polymers of a sugar. We are nothing but chemicals. My body, his body, even the bullet; all except for my love for him.

I accepted that bullet would burst through my body.

I would let it break down the cells in my skin. Let my blood seep all over the box. That bullet took my body, but it didn't take away what wasn't tangible, my undying love for him.

He couldn't make me disappear completely. Only my physical aspects could change. I became the oxygen he now breathes; I became the excited molecules that still surround him to keep him warm; I became the wind that gives him a hug every morning on the way to his car.

The type of love I give requires no words.

LJ Idol Week 15- Cracking Up

2009-01-07T16:32:24Z

It was love at first sight.

I was in a coffee shop sipping my cinnamon dolce latte, when I saw him sitting afar. He looked up and our eyes met, it was an instant connection. Our whole lives followed separate paths, but the stars aligned for this very time and this very day for them to turn and intertwine.

Amazed, I quickly looked down. I felt my heart speed, my mouth went dry. I needed just one more look. Finally he noticed me, but this time I did not look away. I sent a warm yet angelic smile. He blushed, and I knew right there he felt our bond. Suddenly him and his friend just got up and left. I was crushed, why did his friend make him leave? I its okay, I will meet his friends. I will find out his number.

He loves me?

That night at the bar I felt somewhat melancholy, as I thought about him all day. My friends were all having a good time. "Those bitches", I mumbled under my breath. They don't know what it is like to have a lost connection. I took another shot of Grey Goose flavored with a green sour apple blow-pop. Suddenly, I spotted him in the corner. I squealed, it really was meant to be. I needed to get him over to my table. Finally, he looked. My friend asked me what I was going to do. "PLAY ALONG" I whispered, and I shoved my lollipop into her mouth. I watched his group and they were all staring.

Lollipop, must mistake me for a sucker

I took the lollipop out of her mouth, and pressed her face into mine. My tongue felt hers, tasting the tart apple flavor on her tongue. The bar cheered. When I looked around he was gone again, that little tease. I am the real deal. He was just trying to drive me crazy playing hard to get, and it was working. I was going insane and certainly needed these preposterous games to stop.

Our new mutual friend said he would be at this party in a few days. I decided to clear my schedule for that night. Before the party, I rubbed my body with lotion that gave me a hypnotic scent of luscious plum and purple orchid, I made my eyes look smoky and seductive, and wore a tight but classic little black dress. I walked in holding my head high, and there he was, with those handsome blue eyes watching me.

That's it, I fucking had it. I hate to be dramatic, but he is going to scream my name tonight.

I waited until the coast was clear, snatched his arm, and pulled him into the hallway. He looked at me with love and a hint of lust in his eyes. Good thing we have such a connection, because I understood when he told me he just got out of a relationship, and didn't want another woman in his life now.

I could be his friend first, and he could vent to me. Maybe then we could cuddle, watch a movie, and possibly more. I really needed to talk to him but he was leaving the party. I mean, what would any sensible girl do in this situation? I got into my car and followed him home.

I know he really loves me.

When we got to his house he stormed out of his car and started yelling at me. I felt so bad for him, he must have been really hurt by this ex. I made up some lame story how I only followed him because I needed his address so I could send him some baked goods to cheer him up. Now my car just wouldn't start. If only he could just let me use his phone, mine was broken.

Ha, I am so clever.

I called a cab, and slipped his phone back into his jacket pocket. He made me promise I would never bother him again. After all of this he is still playing these games? I can play right back. "Yes", I lied as I gently reached my hand back by his pocket. He didn't realize that I put his phone into my purse.

I have been putting myself out there for him, and all he wanted to do was play with my heart.

I had better things to do anyway. I sulked during the cab ride home, stormed over to my bed holding his cell phone, while tossing my pack of pills in the garbage can on the way. So he needed space, that is fine.

Time to call my future mother in law instead.

EDIT: Shit, he just updated his LJ about me: :/

http://lifeinamarble.livejournal.com/231627.html

LJ Idol: Week 8 - Sit Down and Shut Up - Ranting LJ style

2008-11-11T00:48:22Z

The Types of People Who Annoy Me

1. I really hate it when people use a fake disclaimer before they make an ignorant statement. Such as "I am not racist, but these three mean black guys were just here", or "Not like I have anything against gay people, but that guy is flaming". Why make that statement if you actually are not racist or homophobic? Why does one have to point out that persons race or sexual orientation? They may as well just say:

"I am not racist or anything but I hate kikes, spics, homos, dykes, blacks, liberals, and your mom". Because that would mean the same thing to me.

Or my favorite "I am not a racist, I have a black neighbor for heavens sake". Guess what, you are a bigot and we have a black president now, a sexy one indeed. Go move to Canada.

2. Girls who are guilty of using the new attention-whore myspace pose. I am not talking about girls who make their default pictures a high contrast photo of them puckering their lips while wearing big sunglasses. Come on, that is so 2007. It seems like the new hot trend is for girls to get together with their friends, one bends over, and the other grinds against their butt. Honestly, their ineffective imitation of being sexy only serves to illuminate their lack of substance and decency. What is even funnier is when they post blogs wondering why men don't respect them, or don't call the next day. That is what happens when you have more crabs then Red Lobster.

3.Those who use the mobile chair at Walmart who don't need it. They use it because they are too lazy to shop and walk on their own. Why burn a calorie while contemplating if you will be purchasing a dozen boxes of Golden Oreo's or the Double Stuffed, when you can rent a cart to do the walking for you? I used to just laugh at how lazy they were, and move on. However one day at Walmart, I got hit by a woefully grotesque idiot in the mobile chair. She reversed it right into me. The best part was that she did not apologize. In fact, she gave me a dirty look for being in her way. In fairness, it does give a warning beep when they back up, but some of us have tinnitus and only hear beeping all day. Go do me a favor and bathe your putrid carcass in industrial strength bleach.

4. People who are constantly nagging me when I am going to get married. First of all it is rude, but why even assume that I want to get married? I would love to respond to the nosy inquiring people that I enjoy sleeping around, and why would I want to take my hard earned savings and give another person the rights to obtain 50% of it. The looks on their obnoxious faces would probably be very similar to my gynecologist's when I told her that me and my boyfriend prefer not to use protection, and I will need a shoebox filled with the morning after pill just in case (kidding). For real, I do want to get married. Especially so I can look forward to everyone asking me when I am going to have babies.

5. Those who accuse "The Other Woman" as being a home-wrecker without recognizing that the husband is wrong as well. If I hear one more person accuse Angelina Jolie of being a home-wrecker while acting like Brad Pitt is totally innocent, I am going to take my computer printer which has not stopped jamming for the past two weeks and throw it at them. First of all, the married man took a vow to his wife. Unless the other women put a gun to the husbands head and says that she will shoot unless he gets an erection and to insert immediately, he is just as guilty.

6. The committee who made the determination that Pluto is no longer a planet. They are all a bunch of assholes. Last time I checked, Pluto sure looks like celestial body that has sufficient mass for its self-gravity to overcome rigid body forces so that it assumes a hydrostatic equilibrium shape. It orbits around the sun, and has its own moon's orbiting it. It was always my favorite planet. Like Earth, Pluto and one of its moons, Charon are locked together so that they always face each other. It also has an atmosphere, while our own moon doesn't. That is so badass. I don't care if a bunch of cranky PhD's think that it is a big ice-chip that hasn't "cleared the neighborhood" of its orbit.

If you posses any of these qualities, then not only am I annoyed, but my dachshund Sherlock:

For my VI friends, the picture is my dog holding a sign that says "Does Not Approve"

LJ Idol: Week 6- Ghosts

2008-10-28T01:17:13Z

When people experience their first love, many think it will be their one and only.

I did when I started college. So did my friend Steve*, who at the time was so happy that he found a girl he loved, until she found her way into another man's arms.

He reached out to me one night to vent. We ate a "cup o' noodles", drank some hot chocolate warmed from a hot plate. We walked into the chilly night, bundled up in warm sweatshirts, scarfs, and hats. We made a mountain of leaves to lay in and watched the night sky to make pictures out of the stars. We ended up looking diligently for a constellation named Pegasus, shaped as the legendary but mortal warrior horse. Upon the death of Pegasus, Zeus honored him with a constellation for his dedication.

As we giggled during our search, I felt myself secretly crushing on him, and believed it was mutual.

In order to find Pegasus in the sky, you have to search hard. It is quite difficult to see the figure as a horse because the constellation is actually upside down. Once we actually found it, our arms brushed and I felt a spark in my body. We were thrilled and decided that finding Pegasus symbolized getting though pain. Because it takes time and work to pinpoint it, but with the right effort and patience, one can grasp it.

Soon my boyfriend at the time broke up with me. I was devastated and went into hibernation for days in my dorm room. After awhile, Steve was fed up seeing me in pain, and whispered to me during class that is was time to find Pegasus again. He would pick me up later on.

That night in my dorm I heard two slow knocks. When I opened the door it felt like a heat wave hit my room, but it was not the temperature that was rising. I saw him standing there, and months of innocent sparks ignited up my leg and trailed down to my fingertips.

Not a word was said. The only noise heard was when he picked me up, and slammed me against the wall. Our built up tension started to release as our lips met. We kissed passionately and it seemed like only minutes, but must have lasted for an hour. Every thrust he pushed inside me made me see more and more stars. One of the few times I stars in random patterns. Later on we found Pegasus again, and I finally found some peace.

One day Steve was no longer around. He suddenly dropped out of school. We never even got each other's number. I even don't remember his last name. Rumor has it that he eventually went off to Iraq. Is he even alive today? I don't know. What I do know is that I will never see Steve again. I missed him, and will always wonder where he went.

Whenever I feel like I need to get through a rough time, I sit outside in the chilly night and look for Pegasus.

Love can appear in many forms. As I stare up above and search, I always feel the spirit of Steve hug me tight.

*Name has been changed.

There is a full moon tonight.

2008-10-14T23:56:28Z

People ask me why I love to stare at the night sky so much.

Lay down on the cool grass and look up above. In the sky there is beautiful cluster of seven stars that shine bright and look like a measuring cup. It is part of the Ursa Major, known to most as the Big Dipper.

Now look on the handle of the cup, right where your thumb would sit if you were holding it. Under close observation, you will see that two stars are paired together, and their names are Mizar and Alcor.

In reality these two stars are over 300 light years away. But from our point of view they stand together, and wont let go.

Call up someone you miss and tell them to do the same. Even if you are thousands of miles away, feel the comfort that during the exact same moment you are staring at exact same thing. It will make you feel closer, just like Mizar and Alcor.

LJ Idol

2008-09-15T17:57:53Z

This post is to hearby announce that I will be removing my LJ Idol purity ring. Season 5, my idol virginity is yours. Just promise you will call me the next day.

Wish me luck!

Fidelity

2008-07-19T02:30:19Z

I got lost in the sounds I hear in my mind
All these voices I hear in my mind
All these words I hear in mind
All this music, and it breaks my heart...

Suppose I kept on singing love songs, just to break my own fall.

Ugh.

2008-02-23T15:44:02Z

WHAT THE FUCK

Ashlee Sandler of Harriman struggles to get her shopping cart through the deep snow on the way to her vehicle in the parking lot at Wal-Mart in Monroe. 2-21-08. The plows could not keep up with the rapidly falling snow.

Times Herald-Record/DOMINICK FIO

http://www.recordonline.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080223/NEWS/802230318

DOCTORS TIME!

2007-05-11T22:49:37Z

OMG I AM A DOCTOR.

Comment w/ all your medical problems and I will give you advice 4 free!!@2

Post anonymously if you don't want anyone to know who you are. lolz Tell me secrets, trust me im at docotr@!@

Read set GOOOOOOOOOO

IF YOU WANT TO ANSWER PEOPLES QUESTIONS PLEASE POST YOUR CREDENTIALS!!! TOO MANY FAKES

This post is for entertainment purposes only. I am not really a doctor. If you have a real medical question please don't post here.

:)

2004-02-26T01:29:14Z

Friends only.

Comment to be added. Until then you are going to have to deal with my much lamers public posts.

Disclaimer: I am halfway interesting. I am however, opinionated, picky, and will not sugarcoat anything here. If you can’t take it then leave. If you ~~kiss my ass~~ are a halfway decent person with a good head on your shoulders, we will get along just fine. If you do have something offensive to say, please use proper syntax, form, and grammar so I can at least understand what the fuck you're saying before I dismiss it.