So in the Netherlands we do this weird thing. We throw chocolate sprinkles on our bread. Don't ask me why, we just do. We smother a slice of bread with butter so the sprinkles will stick, pour a mountain of chocolate sprinkles on top of it, cover it with another slice of bread and Bob's your uncle, sandwich heaven according to us Dutchies.

I remember only having the option of pouring dark chocolate on my bread when I was a kid. Later we got milk chocolate and even later still we got the epitome of chocolate sprinklyness, a mixture of white and milk chocolate. It was a luxury of Michelin star proportions.

And then the Funnies came.

A Funny is…

30/100

The Secret Life of Pets doesn't work as a movie. If you want to debate the basics, I can indeed confirm it is a series of moving images projected digitally to a crowd of human individuals, all varying in height and weight, but that's besides the point. A cinematic feature should at least maintain that standard. But beyond a rhythm of construction, of pure movie tissue, The Secret Life of Pets fails as soon as the training wheels are taken off. Even the prolonged marketing - utilizing the first five minutes of the film as their template - couldn't make sense of it, probably because they realized that any sort of narrative progression or character development is nonexistent besides…