Okay here are SOME RANDOM THOUGHTS about this film. If you are afraid of SLIGHT SPOILERS of a 60-year-old movie... then watch out.

* The most frightening thing in this entire movie is when a beach girl takes a hot dog and douses it with a giant SCOOP of mayonnaise, a giant SCOOP of mustard, a giant SCOOP of pickle relish and then a giant SCOOP of beach sand. Some jokes just aren't funny, lady!

* Never trust a dude who asks you to come look at his EROTIC POTTERY ART.

* The father rails against what he terms as "EVIL SURFERS AND TRAMPS"... which as it turns out is represented by his son and his wife. Glass houses, my dude. Glass fucking houses.

* The stepmother says: "Have fun, children." The children she's referring to is a 30-year-old looking guy and his 40-year-old looking buddy. Seriously, director-man, couldn't find any teenagers for your teenager film?

* Girl complains to her boyfriend about their dead friend who was murdered by the MONSTER: "If only she had screamed!" Ummm... lady, she did!! She screamed like hell and none of you evil surfers and tramps heard her!

* The 30-year-old dude gets ready to dive into the pool and yells to his girlfriend (like an 8-year-old): "Look at me!!!" and then proceeds to do a belly flop. So much wrong with that scene.

* The evil seductress of a stepmother says: "Did you think I'd make love to a cripple?"... she says this to the cripple she's seducing. Not cool, lady. Not cool.

* All the evil surfers and tramps are partying it up on the beach at night in their skimpy bikinis and bathing suits... and they're all breathing smoke it's so fucking cold. That shoot must've sucked ass.

* Then at the nighttime beach party, a musical number or two breaks out. One involves a Russian-looking lion puppet. I shit you not. A damn lion puppet. And he does a comedy routine with a girl who talks in a baby-voice that's out of a kid's cartoon. It's utterly bizarre. And they are singing a song called "Monster in the Surf". And their friend had been killed like the day before by a Monster in the Surf... and yet they are all in the same place on the beach, just waiting to be killed off by the apparent Monster in the Surf. I just... I just... no words... no words do I have.

* During this entire day and night, the cripple has been walking along the beach. Well, limping along the beach. All day and into the night, he's still limping out there. Why? We are unsure. I think he is unsure. I think the writer and the director were unsure.

* Then the Beach Monster starts hanging out in houses and terrorizing folks. Know you place, Monster!

* The entire movie has been groovy beach jazz and 60's jazz beach rock. Except when they go looking for the Monster, then it's dark cello music. Talk about tone shift. Somebody was drunk scoring this shit.

* Then we get to the ENDING. Which actually SURPRISED ME!!! Wow. Maybe my senses had dulled by that time, but I was genuinely surprised. No lie. This was worth an extra 1/2 star just for that. So instead of a half-star film, this one has earned 1 full star.

What WAS the ending? Well, I'm not gonna fully spoil it... except to say that Scooby-Doo would have been proud. Very, very proud.

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Hoop #07 of CINEMONSTER's Hooptober 11: The Return To Texas Because We Need That Extra Push Over The Cliff

My Really Odd List and Complete Set of Reviews can be found here: Slappy McGee's Hoop-Tober 11.0 List.

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