MY EIGHT PROBLEMS WITH "OCTAMAN": A STUDY IN STUPIDITY

PROBLEM #1: Octopi don't live in a lake. They are saltwater creatures. I mean, maybe OCTAMAN can live in a lake. Don't know the science on imaginary monsters. But, your honor, I think you get my point.

PROBLEM #2: Shouldn't it be called "Octoman" instead of "Octaman"? Shenanigans on your grammar, I say.

PROBLEM #3: Shouldn't it really be called "OCTOMOM" rather than "Octaman"? Yeah, I know we've had an octomom in pop culture since then, but this movie is early 70's, so it didn't know about that crazy mom with 8 kids or whatever it was. This bitch just wants her damn OctaBabies back.

PROBLEM #4: Every time we get a "POINT OF VIEW" look from the eyes of Doc Ock here, it is shown in multiple images, like a bee's eyes, or a spider's eyes. But, my Octodawg here only has TWO FUCKING EYES! There wouldn't be any of that horseshit honeycomb vision nonsense. Seriously. What the hell?

PROBLEM #5: With a ton of MAKEUP credits to his name, Master of Makeup Special Effects Rick Baker get his ONLY COSTUME DESIGN CREDIT on this movie. And the Octo-Costume is fucking awful! Truly one of the worst parts of the film. And you're gonna stick my boy Baker with this shitty-ass credit for his resume. They done done him dirty, y'all.

PROBLEM #6: Somebody couldn't figure out if it was night or day in this damn movie. Need to stop flipping that light switch over there, guys!

PROBLEM #7: Apparently this Octopus-Persona can grow tentacles back. Again, I'm no Octo-Scientist... but I know bullshit when I smell it.

PROBLEM #OCTO: Me. Me. I'm the problem. I'm the one forcing myself to watch this. I'm the one doing myself downlow. I can only blame myself. I'm the true OctaMan in this story. I take the blame, your honor and throw myself on the mercy of your saltwater aquarium. Be gentle.

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Hoop #04 of CINEMONSTER's Hooptober 11: The Return To Texas Because We Need That Extra Push Over The Cliff

My Really Odd List and Complete Set of Reviews can be found here: Slappy McGee's Hoop-Tober 11.0 List.

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