”Where am I going?”
“To a lavish and glimmering hell”

Behold and suffer Pierce Brosnan’s plunging neckline and flowing wigs as he does his impersonation of an overly flamboyant Fabio!

Behold and suffer as time comes to a halt and the glaciel pacing breaks all laws of physics by seemingly turning minutes into hours!

Behold and suffer the mermaid who after 8 years of post-production still looks like something an eight-year created in an ipad art class!

Behold and suffer editing that’s choppier than a cocaine addicted hibachi chef!

Behold and suffer make-up design that looks like a Cirque du Soleil gone wild and incorporates more mascara than a mime’s ‘coming out’ party!

Behold and suffer through a film that…

❌28%
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King Louis XIV's quest for immortality leads him to capture and steal a mermaid's life force, a move that is further complicated by his illegitimate daughter's discovery of the creature.

After being shelved for seven years, The King’s Daughter is finally in theaters, with little marketing, in the month of January. This is exactly where it belongs because this Fantasy film is dreadfully executed. The premise could work, and a few of the cast members are somewhat strong. Kaya Scodelario is solid in the lead role, and she somehow makes a few of these butchered scenes passable. I say butchered because the main issue is the editing. The film forgets…

I get why people are dismissing this fantasy movie, shot in 2014 and shelved until 2022, built around a spunky princess whose dad wants to become immortal by murdering a mermaid, and packed with egregiously Christian moralizing and scoldy messages about how callous and soulless science is. (The attempt to connect "science" with the ritual magical sacrifice of a mermaid during an eclipse is one of the odder narrative flexes in a film packed with 'em.)

But heaven help me, I thought it was fun and compelling, in an overripe Pirates of the Caribbean fantasy epic kind of way. It's an adaptation of Vonda McIntyre's The Moon and the Sun, which beat out George R.R. Martin's A Game of Thrones…

"Die Tochter des Königs" wurde bereits 2014 gedreht und kam erst 2022 in die Kinos. Wie wir wissen, erblicken immer wieder mal Filme NICHT das Licht der Kinoleinwände und verschwinden in irgendwelchen "Giftschränken" der Filmstudios. Dieser Film hier ist ein leidenschaftliches Plädoyer dafür, dass das gut so ist.

Am Beginn dieses eigentümlichen Märchens lernen wir die uneheliche Tochter von König Ludwig XIV. (Pierce Brosnan), Marie-Josèphe (Kaya Scodelario), kennen, die in einem Kloster untergebracht wurde. Der Sonnenkönig hat nicht nur ein Problem mit seinen unehelichen Kindern, sondern auch mit dem Älterwerden. Diesbezüglich soll aber eine mythische Meerjungfrau Abhilfe schaffen. Marie-Josèphe, die nicht weiß, dass sie die Tochter des Königs ist, wird eines Tages an den Hof gerufen und entdeckt zufällig die…

Sometimes I just like to suffer. Which is the reason why I wanted to sit down and watch this. But sometimes watching bad movies just give me this sense of happiness there and my belief is watching bad movies is good too because it makes you appreciate the good ones even more. So while I was suffering watching this and I was honestly having the time of my life making fun of this film too. 

I’m actually more interested in the behind the scenes for this film than the actual product itself. Like why was this shelved for 7 years?! Why release it now in theaters and why not put it out on Netflix? So many questions I was asking…