For what could at best muster a SyFy original movie budget, Dungeons & Dragons 3: The Book of Vile Darkness, which I'm confident only begrudgingly allowed itself to be considered the third part of the theatrical Dungeons & Dragons canon, cuts all ties with either of the previous films and focuses on the most pen-and-papery role-playing plot we've had thus far.

We open at the phallic shine of Erectile where an eager Paladin experiences unfortunate Disfunction. Our budget Chris Pine protagonist (note the proximity to the Abrams Trek movies) mopes at his predicament as his father (Anthony Howell, or as I better know him, Foyle's crippled assistant Paul) advises his son that it happens to every guy and that there's nothing to be ashamed of. Their party is then attacked by the minions of Shathrax, who wound the boy and kidnap his daddy because they need "liquid pain" to complete the titular MacGuffin, the Book of Vile Darkness.

This is all standard fantasy stuff thus far, but here is where the story diverges into something more interesting than your average D&D campaign. Our impulsive and pride-wounded Paladin embarks on a lone quest to find his father, and realizes the best way to locate him is by joining the Chaotic Evil party chilling one town over that was probably involved in his kidnapping. His new "compatriots" include a Shadar-kai sorceress, a human assassin, a Goliath barbarian, and lastly, a Vermin Lord who looks like a Emperor Palpatine wearing a Phantom of the Opera mask. He must keep his true alignment hidden while convincing his cruel companions that he too knows how good it feels to be bad.

For fans of the actual game, The Book of Vile Darkness is the first adaption that feels tailor made to appeal to them. There's no ties to Profion or the nonsense from the 2000 film, and they don't bother bringing back Bruce Payne's Damodar either, despite him surviving the previous film. A number of real D&D terms and items are referenced, with my favorite moment being when a character decides to dispose of a corpse by shoving it into a Bag of Holding and chucking it in a lake. Luckily by 2012, even low-budget direct-to-video movies were starting to look halfway decent, so they dodged the awful effects that undermined Wrath of the Dragon God, the first sequel that released in 2005. Not that better effects would have necessarily saved that film...

This movie is tough to track down due to its distributor going bankrupt in 2018. Luckily, this murky legal predicament means the entire film was uploaded and is free to view on Archive.org. Enjoy!