HOOP-X #02 of CINEMONSTER's Hooptober X: Hooptober, Hooptober Let Satan Come Over

My Fully Weird List and Complete Set of Reviews can be found here: Slappy McGee's Hoop-Tober 10.0 List.

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The tagline is: YOU HAVEN'T A HOP IN HELL!

The Here Comes Peter Cottonhell part of the title is also pretty funny (It's not in the movie titles in the actual film, so I'm guessing it was added later to help the marketing - ? - maybe?...)

Okay... so like most of these cheesy horror low-to-no budge horror films - I like watchin' 'em. I really do.

They are all "BAD" movies per se... but some do it better than others. Some just fail on multiple levels.

LET ME CLARIFY... I like "BAD MOVIES"... but I do not like "Movies that are Bad".

What's the difference? "BAD MOVIES" are these cheesy, zero budget films that use friends and family as actors and crew and are usually silly - but not always - but are usually quite entertaining (to me). BUT --- "Movies that are BAD" are movies that are bigger or "normal" budgeted films that are just pieces of shit. "Beau Is Afraid", I'm looking at you.

That's the difference.
(...in my head...)

So this is a "BAD MOVIE" and it knows it. It LEANS into it a lot. It just doesn't get it right all of the time. It has its moments for me, for sure. It's no "BIRDEMIC" which was so truly terrible that I loved it.

This movie has a giant, rabbit mummy/zombie puppet terrorizing the woods near a "local" town. It's the World's Worst Puppet that is superimposed on the screen to make it seem like it is 40-feet tall. It's actually almost unrecognizable as a rabbit. (The movie poster looks AWESOME - but the puppet in the movie looks NOTHING like the movie poster image. Not even close).

The movie has a funny opening scene, where an old man is getting married to a woman 1/3 of his age and the son gives a drunken toast that trashes them both. It's frickin' hilarious.

But totally unrelated in any way to the rest of the movie. Only in that one of the characters gets mauled by the rabbit after the wedding. Doesn't make a damn bit of sense, but that toasting scene was MINT!

This giant rabbit (which, now that I think of it, has a head that looks like an old horse skull that has sat rotting outside a cowboy saloon for about 25 years)... like I said, this beast is 40-feet tall and slices off people's heads, fingers, arms, legs... neatly slicing them off via terrible computer CGI and using the CGI blood spurts, etc. Weird that a 40-foot rabbit is so very precise and has no way to do this at its size... but I guess that's part of the hilarity of it all.

Plus it's a perv rabbit.

Mainly picking on naked, big-busted women for the main part of the film. At one point, it rips off only the halter sports top of a big-busted lady (with the world's worst scream as well - so unusually bad) and then "chases" her through the woods as she "bounces" to and fro in a "titillating" and utterly ridiculous sequence.

Yeah, it's that kind of movie.

MOVIE LINE:
"I'm an artist. I'm a flower, and I need you to water me with your wallet!"

At another time, a couple walks through the woods and the girl says she wants to go skinnydipping. As the boyfriend turns around, she strips down standing right there on the forest trail... and THERE IS NO WATER, LAKE OR POND OR ANYTHING TO SWIM IN AROUND ANYWHERE.

Yeah, it's also that kind of movie.

The "Mayor" character emerges about halfway through the film. He's a peace-loving hippie that would never be a mayor in any town. But, you know - comedy.

And there's the two "heroes" of the movie - a failed "artist" (actress, dancer, artist, poet, you know - the usual art major stuff) and a dorky yet hilariously unhinged skinny dude who aspires to be the best dog catcher in the land. (Don't ask) He works for the one-joke-only named company "DOG CATCHERS IN THE RYE". The girl's parents are making her get a job and she reluctantly signs up with the dog catching company.

And then the Rabbit Beast is FINALLY noticed by the rest of the town - how did they not notice a 40-foot tall rabbit roaming the forest? And the dog catchers have to go catch it. It gets even sillier when the slow-walking (literally the slowest onscreen walk ever), goofy-looking half-dead rabbit monster comes to town to wreak havoc on the locals' Easter Celebration - much to the mayor's chagrin who is trying to use the event to bone up cash and chicks.

Oh, man... I made this movie seem half-good in this write-up.

It's not.

It's about 1/16 good.