Hooptober... And Then There Were Nine

22nd Kill

I have zero enthusiasm for trashing horror movies from smaller film industries like the Thai one - and to be fair, Hellgate doesn't deserve to be trashed exactly. It's not completely hopeless. I almost wish it was, because that might have made it more fun. But I'm afraid this film is just a little lifeless and dull.

Everything is filmed in a very flat style. If not for the content itself, it could be something made on a production line for a cable network or something like that. In fact, yeah, this looks a bit like one of those Syfy movies before they decided to lean hard into their yuk yuk! tongue-in-cheek creature feature schtick.

I would say the film gets a bit of a lift from its two imported American stars, but to be honest, Cary Elwes spends the whole movie standing there looking befuddled and scared and sweaty and basically clueless, which to be fair is how this character is written. It's hardly something for an actor to sink their teeth into. My daughter's Head Teacher could have played that role adequately, and let me tell you, that guy is a charisma vacuum. Happily, William Hurt has the unique gift of making cruisy, low-key performances (which have made up about 90% of his entire career output) look reasonably classy and convincing, and he calmly injects this thing with a bit of watchability. Just a bit.

The support from the Thai cast ranges from fair (Ploy Jindachote isn't given that much to do, but she acquits herself well enough and at least she looks gorgeous doing it) to fucking atrocious. I shouldn't be too mean to the actress and kid playing Elwes' wife and son, but let's just say their performances in the film improved dramatically after their characters died.

I mean, really, for a film about a guy on the verge of being sucked into a hell vortex and continually having to dodge the attentions of demonic zombie manifestations, it is remarkable how completely devoid this movie is of scares or horror or anything that would raise one's pulse higher than, well, higher than my daughter's Head Teacher's pulse while reviewing School Playground Policy (actually, bad example, I think that might really turn him on).

Best Kill (may contain traces of spoiler)

I can't even remember any apart from the opening scene of Elwes losing his family in a car accident, which is most notable for involving an SUV managing to build up enough velocity to hit them catastrophically from the side, despite it being staged in a Bangkok traffic jam, in which it's scientifically impossible to speed any vehicle larger than a tuk-tuk up to anything faster than a crawl.