"All you need for a movie is a gun and a girl." -- Jean-Luc Godard

"All you need for a movie is another movie to steal from." -- Bruno Mattei

Bruno Mattei gonna Bruno Mattei.

Bruno Mattei's bloodstone, clueless americans(think scary movie +mclovin + a brit) get sacrificed by stolen footage from worse movies; PLEASE STEAL SHIT WHILE MAKING SHIT, feed and absorb the nutrients and defecate upon a canvas to paint, to denigrate
dark reflections
of dark foul
LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT
the batshit italian old men of the early aughts rarely get credit for there ingenuity, this is a riot of stupidity
the witch turns a man in to a california raisin doing the scream face or a slim jim rat hybrid I cant tell which one
the mummy roar
the chorus, im not hearing it anymore

Forget The Room, forget Sharknado and forget Troll 2. This is the most BONKERS bad movie ever made. Featuring scenes stolen from Raiders Of The Lost Ark, Temple Of Doom, Army Of Darkness, and Brendan Fraser's The Mummy (Literally cut from the movie, not re-enacted), this film goes into the mythology of ancient Egypt, but in the Mexican Inca jungle with a rapey fake mustache professor that ends in a blue papier-mâché nightmare. All shot with a 2000s VHS camera. Backyard shooting at its finest. All topped with the best cringy Word Art 3D. There is not a single dull moment in here.

Very fun videostore necromancy.
Mattei raids The Mummy, Army of Darkness, Raiders of the Lost Ark, From Dusk Till Dawn and his own gonzo back catalogue to stitch together a shambling, low-fidelity pulp adventure full of mummies, skeletons, gunfights, and stolen spectacle. Scratches a cinematic itch nobody ever really gets.

DTV SOV Mayan Banger from Bruno. This feels super slept on by Mattei-heads. It’s got all the energy of his 80s output and an insane amount of plagiarism that makes Jaws 5 look like loving homage. It’s not the cute like “oh maybe that was shark footage from the Spielberg original” it’s like “oh holy shit that was 6 whole seconds from 1999 the mummy and the entire aspect ratio changed”. It’s been almost two decades and it looks like he really got away with it. God bless this DVD.

Absolute beautiful mess watching the mid-2000s cast grope and groan their way through an Itali-fied haunted ruins funhouse, complete with the usual pendulum scythe traps and plastic party city treasure stashes. Watch it on YouTube and be wonderfully surprised it hasn’t gotten a copyright strike from any of the studios it lifts footage from.

If only Bruno Matteis The Mummy ripoff had had a bit more gore, then it would be remembered more fondly. As it is now it’s just a horribly dubbed and quite silly jungle romp with a bit of horror, truly preposterous dialogue and some stolen footage from Army of darkness and Raiders of the lost ark. And so much damn fun.

I laughed a lot.

Recipe for an entertaining crapfest:

add:

1 oz of bad From Dusk Till Dawn Salma Hayek Scene
2 oz of Indiana Jones trilogy
1 oz of Bobbejaanlands cogride Indiana River scenery
4 oz of people acting like they did in nineties pornmovies
0.5 oz of fake moustache
2 oz of The Mummy
2 oz of Zombies
1 oz of Aztec indians
10 oz of crap

Bake for a couple of hours and voila! An original Mattei dish

Fun fact: making love is a lot more fun than playing hide and seek

Would make a neat double bill with A Werewolf in the Amazon.

Very similar in style and tone to Bruno Mattei’s cannibal and zombie revival films of the same time. Clip art titles, a copy of the infamous sexy Salma Hayek snake dance from From Dusk Till Dawn, footage lifted from Army of Darkness, Raiders of the Lost Ark (among others) and an obvious cash in on The Mummy remakes. All the cast of 20somethings are dubbed by the same 50 year olds who have been dubbing Italian films since the 1970s.

Pretty dreadful but not the worst Mummy film I’ve seen. Just the worst not directed by David DeCoteau.