botherd.

botherd — Thu, 28 Feb 2013 20:24:00 GMT

Dear rarewomen writer,

Firstly, YOU'RE AWESOME. Thank you so much for writing me a fic! My golden rule of fic exchanges is this: the fic I'm most interested in reading is the fic you're most interested in writing. If you write what inspires you I'm sure it'll be great. There are really no hard and fast rules as to what I like to read, and while I have some general squicks I don't have any triggers you need to avoid.

I like fic that feels like canon, and I like happy or hopeful or at least bittersweet endings. I like a bit of angst, or at least tension and conflict, but I'm not really a fan of stories that are unrelentingly dark. When it comes to romantic relationships I vastly prefer the build-up and UST and getting-together to established relationships, unless the relationship is already established in canon.

Other general likes: snark and banter, introspection, wacky hijinks, bittersweet moments, longing, girls kissing, gay angst, loyal friendships, unrequited love, sense of place, backstory, slice of life, intimacy, family, identity.

General dislikes: character death, non-con, dirty talk, PWP, first person narration.

Rating-wise I'm cool with anything, and I've requested femslash for everything here but I'm also totally fine with gen about any of these women. I'd prefer no het or femslash pairings I haven't specified. I'm not really interested in AUs where they're pirates or space cowboys or anything that's very different from canon but I don't mind AUs that diverge slightly from canon events, and I'd prefer no crossovers even if you're sure that I like the other fandom.

I don't really have anything to add about my specific fandoms because I'm super easy and would love anything about any of these women, but here's what I wrote in my optional details anyway:

Bomb Girls: Betty McRae, Kate Andrews
McAndrews, pairing of my heart! I can't tell you how much I adore these two. I love the delicious angst and the FEELINGS and I just really, really want them to have a happy ending. Anything dealing with their relationship would be wonderful, and I'm also a huge fan of Gladys as the supportive BFF if you want to include her. If you only matched on one of the characters and you don't ship it, then I'd love to read anything dealing with Betty's queerness, or Kate finding her place in the world.

Glee RPF: Naya Rivera, Dianna Agron
My RPF OTP! I honestly don't expect to get matched on this one, but if you have offered to write these two? LET ME LOVE YOU. There are so many possibilities here - tour shenanigans? PARIS? Filming the glorious Quinntana scenes from "I Do"? I would just adore anything fun and bantery and romantic. I usually prefer non-AU but I would actually be more than okay with college AU or coffee shop AU or something along those lines. I also kind of love futurefic with marriage and babies? Basically I'm just asking for shameless id!fic here, oh God. Oh, and please please please don't mention their RL boyfriends at all.

Pretty Little Liars: Paige McCullers, Emily Fields
I have ALL THE FEELINGS for these two and would love anything that explores their relationship, whether that's something set now, or filling in the gaps when they sort of dated back in season one. I'd really love it if you gave them a happy ending, because I think they've suffered enough in canon. If you only matched on one I'd also be super happy with gen about either of them, and feel free to use the other Liars if you like. (If you wanted to pair either of them with Spencer, that would be more than okay with me.)

Girls: Hannah Horvath, Marnie Michaels, Jessa Johansson, Shoshanna Shapiro
I love these girls, flaws and all, and would love anything that explores their relationships in any combination. Episode 1x08 made me ship Jessa/Marnie, so I would love anything with them, and I'm also really into Hannah and Marnie's relationship. I'd love to see them repairing their friendship, or flashbacks to their time at college together, or anything really! And Shoshanna is awesome so I'd love anything that fleshed out her life a little. I'm not super interested in any of their relationships with men so I'd prefer something focused just on the girls.

And here are my tumblr tags in case you want to see the kind of things I flail about:
Bomb Girls
Naya/Dianna
Pretty Little Liars
(I apparently don't have one for Girls because I guess I haven't reblogged it much since I started tagging things properly this year. But that doesn't mean I don't love it!)

Basically I just want you to have fun and write something that makes you happy. ♥

It's that time of year again!

botherd — Mon, 15 Oct 2012 07:17:28 GMT

Dear Yuletide Writer,

Firstly, YOU'RE AWESOME. Thank you so much for writing me a fic! My golden rule of fic exchanges is this: the fic I'm most interested in reading is the fic you're most interested in writing. If you write what inspires you I'm sure it'll be great. I always write super long letters for this kind of thing but the idea is to give you lots of options, not to limit you; if you don't want any further guidance, feel free to ignore all of this! There are really no hard and fast rules as to what I like to read, and while I have some general squicks I don't have any triggers you need to avoid.

I like fic that feels like canon, and I like happy or hopeful or at least bittersweet endings. I like a bit of angst, or at least tension and conflict, but I'm not really a fan of stories that are unrelentingly dark. When it comes to romantic relationships I vastly prefer the build-up and UST and getting-together to established relationships, unless the relationship is already established in canon.

Other general likes: snark and banter, introspection, wacky hijinks, bittersweet moments, longing, girls kissing, gay angst, loyal friendships, unrequited love, sense of place, backstory, slice of life, intimacy, family, identity.

General dislikes: character death, non-con, dirty talk, PWP, pregnancy/babies/kids, first person narration.

For Sophie's World I'd prefer not to get porn; for the other fandoms I'm happy for you to write whatever rating you're comfortable with. I'm not really interested in AUs where they're pirates or space cowboys or anything that's very different from canon but I don't mind AUs that diverge slightly from canon events. I'd prefer no crossovers even if you're sure that I like the other fandom.

Fandom-specific thoughts:

Sofies verden | Sophie's World - Jostein Gaarder: Sophie Amundsen, Hilde Møller Knag

This book had a massive impact on me when I was 13/14 - not just because of the philosophy, but because it opened up so many storytelling possibilities that I hadn't considered before. Feel free to go as meta as you like! I'm not necessarily looking for a philosophy essay, but would still love philosophical elements to be included if you're up for that. Maybe some feminist/queer theory, if that interests you? Or if you want to focus more on the characters, I would love to know what happens when Sophie escapes the book - and then ends up in your fic. :D

Oh, the possibilities for meta. I LOVE metafiction, and I'm hoping that if you offered to write in this fandom then you do too! I would love to see Sophie and Hilde interacting (with Hilde freaking out about interacting with a fictional character and realising she's fictional herself) but if you wanted to write about Hilde reading more of Sophie's adventures with Alberto (or maybe Hilde could start writing about Sophie herself?) that would be awesome too. As I said in my optional details, I'm not expecting any kind of philosophical essay here, although if there's an area of philosophy that you're particularly interested in and would like to explore, I'd be happy to read it. Gen or Sophie/Hilde femslash would be equally loved.

Girls: Marnie Michaels/Jessa Johansson

I ship it hard and would love to see these two figuring out their shit and realising what they mean to each other. Lots of UST would be gorgeous. If femslash isn't your thing I'd love to read about their friendship, whether that's something fun and silly like the show can sometimes be or something more serious.

I felt like episode 8 should have been the story of these two falling for each other but it wasn't, so I'd love to read that story for Yuletide! (Feel free to handwave Jessa getting married in the finale if you want as I doubt it would last that long anyway.) I think they both have a lot of growing to do together and separately - Marnie is only just starting to learn how to be less uptight and Jessa really has no idea how to be serious and committed. If you're not into femslash then gen would be great too. Maybe some backstory about when they first met? Feel free to include Hannah and Shoshanna as I like them both too, but I'm not so interested in any of the dudes.

Pretty Little Liars: Emily Fields/Paige McCullers

I have ALL THE FEELINGS for these two and would love anything that explores their relationship, whether that's something set now, or filling in the gaps when they sort of dated back in season one. I'd really love it if you gave them a happy ending, because I think they've suffered enough in canon.

Oh, Emily/Paige. ♥ I love that Emily is growing more strong and assertive, and I love that Paige is deeply flawed but still manages to be an awesome girlfriend because she loves Emily so much. I'd like to see them having fun together at a time when they're not being terrorised by A, or I'd like a bit of angst/conflict as long as it turns out okay. I love the other Liars, particularly Spencer, so I think it would be fun to see their perspectives on the Emily/Paige relationship, and I also like both Emily and Paige's backstory with Ali if you want to write about that. I'd also love to know more about what was going on with Paige during all the episodes where she wasn't around. If you like writing plotty stories, it would be fun to see Emily and Paige taking on A together. Really, anything with them would make me happy!

Cracks (2009): Di Radfield/Fiamma Coronna

I'd love femslash for these two; the midnight feast scene made me ship it and I'd love to see if they could fall for each other. (For obvious reasons, feel free to go slightly AU if you want to explore beyond the scope of the film.) If femslash isn't your thing, gen that explores their complex, messy dynamic would be great too.

Super-specific prompt time, which you are of course perfectly free to ignore: I think an AU where Di finds Miss G and Fiamma in the wood just before it's too late would be fascinating. What would Di and Fiamma's interactions be like once they're both on the same page re. Miss G? Would Di find herself falling for Fiamma, and could Fiamma reciprocate? What about if they met years later? If those ideas doesn't interest you, I'd love a missing scene from the film - ensemble fic with the rest of the team would also be fun, as would anything about Di and/or Fiamma's relationship with Miss G. Or maybe you could write about Di going on adventures after the film, and maybe even meeting someone new?

These are all just suggestions to hopefully spark some ideas for you, but you don't have to use any of them. I just want you to have fun and write something that makes you happy. And if you need any clarifications on anything, don't forget that you can email your questions to the Yuletide mods and they can pass them on to me.

♥ botherd

botherd — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 18:22:14 GMT

Dear Yuletide Writer,

Firstly, YOU'RE AWESOME. Thank you so much for writing me a fic! My golden rule of ficathons is this: the fic I'm most interested in reading is the fic you're most interested in writing. If you write what inspires you I'm sure it'll be great. I always write super long letters for this kind of thing but the idea is to give you lots of options, not to limit you; if you don't want any further guidance, feel free to ignore all of this! There are really no hard and fast rules as to what I like to read, and while I have some general squicks I don't have any triggers you need to avoid.

I like fic that feels like canon, and I like happy or hopeful or at least bittersweet endings. I like a bit of angst, or at least tension and conflict, but I'm not really a fan of stories that are unrelentingly dark. When it comes to romantic relationships I much prefer the build-up and UST to established relationships, although fic showing development within an established relationship can be good too. Other general likes: snark and banter, introspection, wacky hijinks, bittersweet moments, forbidden love, gay angst, loyal friendships, unrequited love, backstory, slice of life, intimacy, family, identity, feminism.

General dislikes: character death, non-con, dirty talk, PWP, pregnancy/babies/kids, first person narration.

For Sophie's World and Parks and Rec I'm not really looking for porn, but for Glee RPF I'd be happy with any rating. Oh, and I want you to know that while Glee is undoubtedly my main big fandom right now, as you would notice if you glanced at my Tumblr, I'm equally excited about all my requests!

Fandom-specific thoughts:

Glee RPF: Naya Rivera/Dianna Agron

I'd really like non-AU, but don't worry too much about getting real life details such as schedules exactly right! Behind the scenes or tour stuff would be awesome, or if you know anything about France and wanted to write about that time where they went to Paris together and fell in love I would worship you forever. Basically: would love anything fun and romantic and not too angsty.

Oh, Naya and Dianna. I can't even explain why I ship them so hard; the idea just hit me over the summer and has refused to let go since. Basically, I love their faces, especially when they're next to each other. I love that Dianna is kind of a pretentious hipster and Naya is a ridiculous reality TV junkie and in my headcanon they spend a lot of time rolling their eyes at each other's interests while secretly finding it adorable and charming. Oh, and I don't know exactly what Dianna's deal with "Charlie" is, but in my head that's what she calls herself when she dresses as a boy - in other words, if you wanted to include her crossdressing it would make my life. (But if you're not into that, that's fine!) Feel free to include other cast members as friends/amused bystanders; my favourites are Kevin and Lea. I said non-AU in my optional details but that really just means that I don't want fic about them being space cowboys or whatever; if you wanted to mess around with real life details - like, say, Dianna actually came out when she wore the 'likes girls' shirt on tour - that's absolutely fine.

Sophie's World - Jostein Gaarder: Sophie Amundsen, Hilde Møller Knag

This book had a massive impact on me when I was 13/14 - not just because of the philosophy, but because it opened up so many storytelling possibilities that I hadn't considered before. Feel free to go as meta as you like! I'm not necessarily looking for a philosophy essay, but would still love philosophical elements to be included. Maybe some feminist/queer theory, if that interests you? Or if you want to focus more on the characters, I would love to know what happens when Sophie escapes the book - and then ends up in your fic. :D

Oh, the possibilities for meta. I LOVE metafiction, and I'm hoping that if you offered to write in this fandom then you do too! I would love to see Sophie and Hilde interacting (with Hilde freaking out about interacting with a fictional character and realising she's fictional herself) but if you wanted to write about Hilde reading more of Sophie's adventures with Alberto (or maybe Hilde could start writing about Sophie herself?) that would be awesome too. As I said in my optional details, I'm not expecting any kind of philosophical essay here, although if there's an area of philosophy that you're particularly interested in and would like to explore, I definitely wouldn't be opposed. Gen or Sophie/Hilde femslash would be equally loved.

Parks and Recreation: Leslie Knope/Ann Perkins

Femslash or gen would be equally loved for these two. I ship it, but I also love Leslie/Ben on the show so if you just want to explore Leslie and Ann's friendship that would be awesome too. Something fun and in keeping with the tone of the show would be awesome, and feel free to include any other characters in your fic as I love the whole ensemble.

How great are Leslie and Ann together? SO GREAT. Strong female friendships are rare on TV these days so Leslie and Ann's relationship gives me so much joy. They love each other so much, and they're so supportive, but they also know that being a great friend sometimes means dishing out an uncomfortable truth. Any story that got Ann more involved with the Parks department like she used to be would be great, or maybe something fun like a roadtrip, or any of the sort of typical hijinks that they get up to on the show. Basically anything where they get to be awesome together, and maybe realise that they're in love? Obviously the show is hilarious and I'd love humour in the fic, but I also love the very real character moments that are woven into the narrative and would love to see that too. If you're a hardcore Leslie/Ben shipper then worry not because I love them too, but while background Leslie/Ben would be great I'd still like for the focus to be on Leslie and Ann.

I realise I wrote a lot, but I hope that hasn't overwhelmed you too much! I hope I gave you something to work with, but if you're currently tearing your hair out because my prompts are nothing like what you thought you signed up for, feel free to disregard anything. I just want you to have fun and write something that makes you happy.

♥ botherd

Fic: Hear Them Sing Our Song (Glee; Mercedes/Quinn; PG)

botherd — Tue, 16 Aug 2011 13:18:39 GMT

Title: Hear Them Sing Our Song
Fandom: Glee
Pairing: Mercedes/Quinn
Rating: PG
Words: 4209
Summary: It feels natural for Mercedes to gravitate toward Quinn.
Notes: Thanks to fivewhatfive for the beta. Written for overthetiber as part of femslash11

Saturday mornings in summertime are made for many things: lazing in bed, or watching stupid kids' cartoons, or girly shopping trips with Kurt. What they're not made for is being holed up in Rachel's basement with the eleven most crazy-making people that Mercedes knows. Not that Mercedes doesn't love her fellow glee clubbers, but after New York she definitely needs some downtime. Usually over summer vacation that's exactly what she'd get, but after the disappointment at Nationals Rachel got it into her head that they need to practice more and here they are. At first Rachel didn't mind losing, because she was so happy to get Finn back, but it wasn't long before that faded and her ambition kicked in again. Now she's got Finn passing round summer rehearsal schedules – laminated, to show she means business – and she's wearing an expression of grim determination that none in glee club would dare challenge. Practices are mandatory, it says at the top of the schedule (in bold, italics, and underlined) and it's not like Rachel holds any actual authority over them, but Mercedes is pretty sure that everyone is still going to show up.

Most of them have only got one more shot at Nationals, after all. Twelfth place wasn't bad, but they can do better. (If Mercedes got a damn solo for a change, they definitely would.)

"I can't believe she seriously expects us to do this." Quinn is sitting next to Mercedes on the couch, but that's the first thing she's said to her since she sat down ten minutes ago. First thing she's said to Mercedes in a long time, really. It's weird; they used to be friends, they used to live together, and yet they've barely spoken in a year. As soon as that kid popped out Quinn hightailed it back to her old life and never looked back. It's no surprise that that didn't really work out for Quinn, Mercedes thinks, but she doesn't say it out loud. She's not Santana.

"You're not going to come to rehearsals then?" Mercedes says, and she smiles. "You do realize they're mandatory."

"So I see." Quinn doesn't look too pissed – at least, not more than she usually does when in close quarters with Rachel and Finn – but she's still obviously not happy that she's been dragged here today and is expected to show up every Saturday hereafter. "I'll think about it. I'm sure I have better ways to spend the summer. Don't you?"

Mercedes shrugs. She did have plans – all of them secret, all of them involving Sam – but they fell apart the second his mom got a job in Cleveland and they moved. Figures that Mercedes' first relationship would end two seconds after it started, before she'd even told anyone about it. Now she can't even explain why she's bummed. Glee may not be her first choice of summer activity, but she could probably use the distraction.

"Hey, someone's gotta fight Rachel for the solos," Mercedes says.

Quinn smiles. "Well, if I get to hear you sing every week, maybe I'll stick around."

---

The following Saturday the rehearsals really start, and the theme is choreography. (Rachel made Finn and Puck lug a whiteboard down into the basement just so she could channel Mr. Schue and write the word down. Seeing as they'd just carried Artie down in his wheelchair, they didn't look too happy.) Choreography is their one real weak spot, they all know that, so Brittany and Mike were charged with whipping their dancing into shape. Rachel's basement seems a whole lot smaller when they're all dancing, especially with everyone giving Finn's flailing limbs a wide berth, but luckily there are no nose-breaking incidents this time.

After an hour Mercedes is exhausted, and she's pretty sure she's not actually improved any. She flops down onto the couch and Quinn joins her, looking just as tired as Mercedes feels. Her face is red and her hair is all over the place, but instead of looking like a hot mess like the rest of them, she just looks hot. Typical. Mercedes realizes she's staring, and turns away.

"Why is everyone stopping?" Rachel says, hands on her hips, surveying the room. She's the only one still on her feet; even Brittany and Mike are sitting on the floor, taking a breather. "We still have a long way to go. It's not enough to know the steps; we have to dance them well."

"Jeez," Puck says, "when did you turn into one of those Vocal Adrenaline robots?"

"She's obviously been spending too much time with Jesse St James." Santana smirks, and Mercedes rolls her eyes because obviously the reaction is exactly what Santana wanted: chaos.

"I wish I had popcorn for this," Quinn says as Finn rounds on Rachel, completely failing to hide his jealousy. "It's actually entertaining when you're not in the middle of it."

"You're happy to be single?" Mercedes asks, and the smile slides off Quinn's face.

"I'm trying to be." She shrugs. "Not everyone finds it easy to be strong like you."

"Right," Mercedes says, but she feels like a fraud. Sure, she doesn't need a man to feel validated, but just because she's an independent woman it doesn't mean she wouldn't like a bit of romance now and then.

---

The next time they practice, Finn and Rachel's stupid argument has blown over and the plan to focus on choreography has too. They're going back to basics with choral arrangements of classic songs, and their version of Let It Be is rough around the edges but has a lot of potential. After a ton of arguments, made worse without Mr Schue there to referee, they agreed to share the vocals out pretty evenly, and Mercedes might be biased but her two lines definitely steal the show. Quinn looks impressed when she sings them, anyway.

When they take a break it feels natural for Mercedes to gravitate toward Quinn. She doesn't know exactly how they managed to slip back into friendship again but she's glad they have, even if she half expects Quinn to ditch her again at any time. It's not like Mercedes has a sore spot there, but Kurt's kind of ditched her too – which Mercedes kind of gets, because he has a boyfriend now, but that doesn't explain why Rachel is slowly taking her place as Kurt's BFF. Mercedes could really use a friend who sticks around, that's all.

"You not hanging out with Santana and Brittany?" Mercedes asks Quinn. "I thought after Nationals you guys were friends again."

Quinn shrugs. "They kind of have their own thing going on. I don't really want to get in the middle of it." The way she glances over at them, it's like she feels left out.

"Well, I'm glad we're friends again," Mercedes says. It doesn't sound quite as nonchalant as she intended, and she tries to shrug it off when she realizes that what she meant was I missed you.

"Yeah, me too." Quinn smiles. "We should hang out more."

---

Their next rehearsal gets pushed back to the evening. Mercedes thought the schedule was set in stone, but Rachel had a community theater audition that morning and of course she's the only person that the schedule would be rearranged for. Mercedes would complain out of principle, but it turns out that there are advantages to evening practices. For example:

"Worship me," Santana says, brandishing a bottle as she makes an entrance. "I brought tequila."

Rachel immediately jumps up. "That's completely inappropriate, Santana. We have to rehearse, and we can't possibly do that effectively while inebriated."

"It's a Saturday night, Berry." Santana opens the bottle and after taking a swig, starts passing it around. "That means party time."

Rachel glares at her, hands on her hips. "I'm surprised you want to instigate a party after last time. I distinctly recall that you got very upset when Brittany made out with Sam."

"Yeah, well, I'm not dating Sam anymore, am I?" Santana says, but she's looking straight at Brittany with a weird expression on her face and as Mercedes watches them it all slots into place. Quinn is by her side and Mercedes leans in close, keeping her voice down.

"Hold on, are Santana and Brittany...?"

Quinn nods slightly and whispers back, "You didn't hear it from me."

A couple hours later they're all drunk, having supplemented Santana's tequila with the contents of Mr and Mr Berry's liquor cabinet. Mercedes has danced to the point of nearly falling over – she's going to need more practice at holding her liquor before she goes to college – and now she's happy to sit and watch the others while the room stops spinning. Kurt invited Blaine over once it became clear they weren't going to get any practice done, and now he's belting out Last Friday Night while everyone dances around him. Mercedes keeps finding her eyes flicking back to Quinn, and she's only half aware of what she's doing when she stands up and grabs Quinn's arm, dragging her off into a corner.

"Hey, Mercedes." Quinn gives her an easy smile and Mercedes can't help but return it. "What's up?"

There was something that Mercedes wanted to say or do, but her mind is moving too slowly and she can't remember what. Instead she looks back to where everyone's dancing and notices Santana and Brittany grinding together.

"How did you know about them?" Mercedes asks, and Quinn follows her gaze, cheeks reddening when she sees where Mercedes is looking.

"Wasn't it obvious?" Quinn says, and she bites her lip before continuing. "And, well, there was this one time at cheer camp where we... but they were way more into it than I was."

"Oh," Mercedes says, eyes widening. Quinn never seemed like the type to experiment – with girls, or at all. It's not something Mercedes has ever thought about, girls, but she can see the appeal. In an abstract sort of way.

Quinn tilts her head to the side. "Why are you asking?"

Mercedes shrugs, and then she finds herself laughing. "I have no idea. Come on, girl, let's dance."

---

Rachel glares at everyone as they arrive for rehearsals the following Saturday. The basement is spotless after the mess they made of it the week before, and Mercedes doesn't know anyone who offered to help with the clean-up so Rachel probably had to do all of it herself. Mercedes hopes that Finn gave her a hand at least, but she still feels bad that helping out never even crossed her mind. From the guilty expressions on everyone else's faces, they feel the same.

Once everyone's in, Rachel begins her lecture. "I hope you're all happy with yourselves. We lost valuable rehearsal time last week to your irresponsibility, and I've a good mind to schedule an additional practice so we can catch up. I'd already informed Mr. Schuester that we will be presenting our work to him in the first week back, and if we're not ready –"

"Okay, hold up," Santana says. She's lying on the couch with her head on Brittany's lap, so Mercedes figures that that's official now. "If it hadn't been for your stupid audition – which I'm guessing you didn't get, due to your lack of boasting right about now – we wouldn't have had the rehearsal in the evening, and it wouldn't have turned into a party. This is clearly your fault."

"You were the one who brought the tequila!"

"It was a Saturday night, what did you expect me to do? Also, we all have mental scars from your very drunken, very public groping session with Cabbage Patch, so don't even act like you're so innocent."

Quinn nudges Mercedes and murmurs, "This could go on a while. You want to get out of here while they fight?"

"Sure." They slip out, completely unnoticed by Rachel and Santana – who jumps up and lunges at Rachel, yelling at a comment Rachel made that Mercedes missed, only to be restrained by Puck and Mike. As they head up the stairs Mercedes can hear Finn and Kurt join the shouting, and Blaine – who's decided to transfer to McKinley for some reason, Mercedes doesn't even know – is trying and failing to calm them all down.

Quinn sits down on the stairs leading up to the second floor and Mercedes settles beside her, strains of the fight raging below still audible. Mr. Schue was never very good at containing the glee club arguments but without him, who knows how long it'll last, or how much blood will be shed by the end of it.

"I still can't believe I agreed to this," Quinn says. "Sectionals isn't for months."

"Tell me about it. I mean, I love glee, I love everyone in the club, but all this fighting is a waste of my time. I just want to sing, you know?"

There's a scream from downstairs, then more yelling. Maybe Santana got loose.

"That's what I like about you. No drama." Quinn looks at her then with an openness that Mercedes hasn't seen in a long time. "I'm sorry we stopped being friends for so long. It's been a strange year."

Mercedes shrugs. "You were trying to get your life back. I get it."

"Honestly, I don't even know why I wanted that life in the first place. I don't want it any more." Quinn bites her lip, hesitating for a moment, and then she takes Mercedes' hand.

Mercedes scans Quinn's face, trying to figure out if she's reading this right. Their fingers are intertwined, Quinn's thumb lightly stroking the back of Mercedes' hand, and – yeah, Mercedes is pretty damn sure there's only one way to interpret this.

"So, what do you want now?"

Quinn looks away, blushing slightly. "Sorry, I don't know why I –"

"It's cool," Mercedes says quickly, her heart racing, and she gives Quinn's hand a slight squeeze. She doesn't exactly know where this came from, or how things can flip in a moment like this, but Mercedes has never been one to question why. Everything happens for a reason. So when Quinn kisses her, she lets it happen, and when she realizes how much she likes it she doesn't resist the feeling. Their hands come apart, but only so Quinn can cup the back of Mercedes' head, deepening the kiss.

When they pull apart a few moments later, Mercedes feels suddenly shy. She hasn't done a whole lot of kissing in her life, and she's acutely aware that the person she just made out with is like the girl version of her first boyfriend, not to mention his ex. The whole thing is just weird.

The weirdest thing is how awesome it was.

Quinn is looking at Mercedes kind of expectantly, like she's waiting for her to say something.

"I thought you said you weren't into girls?" It's the first thought that pops into Mercedes' head.

With a bit of a shrug, Quinn says, "I guess it depends on the girl."

---

Mercedes doesn't speak to Quinn all week. A bunch of times she nearly calls her, but she always chickens out at the last minute. They had a moment, and that was great, but Mercedes has no idea where they go from here.

They don't sit together when they meet in Rachel's basement again for glee rehearsals. Last week's argument is long forgotten and everyone seems to be on board with the new song that Tina suggested, so there's plenty to distract Mercedes – harmonies and dance steps and lyrics to learn – but there's still an awkwardness she feels whenever she glances at Quinn, and she knows she's off her game. She messes up a note and Rachel and Santana both snap at her at the same time.

"Okay, why don't we take five," Kurt says, obviously sensing tension brewing. "Let's take this opportunity to hydrate, and not kill each other."

Mercedes is grateful for the break; she needs to get her head together and focus. She sits on the floor by the wall, leaning back and closing her eyes, trying to drown out the background noise so she can run through the lyrics in her head.

Someone sits down beside her and her throat goes dry. She doesn't need to open her eyes to know it's Quinn; she recognizes her perfume. For a moment she wonders if she can pretend that she's concentrating too hard to have noticed that she has company, but then Quinn nudges her with her knee and says, "Hey."

Giving up the pretense, Mercedes opens her eyes. "Hey."

"So," Quinn begins, but then she trails off, looking awkward. She glances across the room and Mercedes follows her gaze to see who Quinn's looking at.

"Puck?" Mercedes prompts, and Quinn's gaze snaps back to her.

"He asked me out yesterday. Apparently he and Zizes reached their best before date." Quinn's hands twist awkwardly in her lap. "I didn't give him an answer yet, but I guess I'm looking for a reason to say no."

"You should say no if you don't want to date him, simple as that. There's no point in dating someone just for the sake of not being alone." Mercedes never understood why her friends made dating so much more complicated than it had to be.

"Right," Quinn says, flushing slightly. "That's not really what I'm asking, though. I'm sorry, I'm not very good at this. I'm used to being asked out, not doing the asking."

"Oh," Mercedes says, comprehending, then, "You know, you're cute when you blush."

"Is that a yes?"

"You didn't even ask me a question, but if this is going where I think it is, then yeah, it's a yes."

---

The next Saturday when they get together to rehearse, Mercedes has a renewed sense of self-confidence. Not that she's ever lacked self-esteem when it comes to her talent, but there have been times when she's allowed herself to be shoved to the background and now it's time for her to take center stage where she belongs.

"Let's talk solos," Mercedes says at the start of practice. "And by that I mean, let's talk about the fact that I've never gotten a competition solo in the two years we've all been here. I am way overdue."

Rachel folds her arms like it's a battle stance. "Mercedes, we all appreciate your talent, but we're focusing on group songs right now. We'll talk solos when we're a bit closer to Sectionals."

"And let you sneak in your ideas to Mr. Schue before anyone else? Hell no, I'm reserving my spot."

Rachel opens her mouth to protest again but Quinn interrupts. "Let her sing."

"Fine." Rachel sits down and Mercedes takes the stage, handing her CD of prepared music to Kurt. The opening bars of Natural Woman fill the room and Mercedes smiles. She's got this.

It was Quinn's idea – not the song, but that she should grab a solo now instead of waiting to be given one. They talked about it when they went to Breadstix in the middle of the week. It had taken until their starters arrived for them to get over their first date nerves, but once the conversation stopped being so stilted they'd come up with a plan. Plan A was for Mercedes to slay everyone with her performance so not even Rachel could deny her right to a solo. Plan B was to recruit Santana for some sabotage.

Mercedes is pretty sure they won't be needing Plan B.

Quinn is the first person to start clapping when Mercedes finishes the last note, and she's grinning so hard that Mercedes thinks people will figure out what's going on between them. Mercedes' smile stretches wide as she meets Quinn's eye, and for a moment she forgets about all the people crammed into Rachel's basement, because all she can think about it how much she wants to get Quinn alone.

"That's how we're going to win Nationals," Kurt says, and Rachel nods in agreement.

"Mr. Schue would be stupid not to include that in our setlist," Rachel says with a smile. "Although I think it might be enhanced with some backing vocals? Not to take anything away from you, Mercedes, of course..."

"No, you're right. Isn't that what Mr. Schue said, that we need to be a wall of sound?" Mercedes says. "We can work on the arrangement together."

It's not a guarantee of competition glory – Mr. Schue might not like the song, or one of the others might come up with something to top it – but for the first time since joining the glee club it looks like Mercedes will be singing not to an empty auditorium or her fellow glee members, but to an actual audience. A full house.

It's about damn time.

Once the rehearsal is over Quinn finds Mercedes and together they hang back outside Rachel's house while everyone else goes their separate ways. Quinn's eyes are shining when she says, "You were amazing."

"Girl, I always am." Mercedes laughs and then Quinn's kissing her, right in the middle of Rachel Berry's driveway. Mercedes doesn't think anyone's still around to see them, but as her hands tangle in Quinn's hair and their lips slide together, she doesn't think she'd care if anyone was.

---

With the last Saturday practice, Mercedes finds herself getting surprisingly emotional. It's stupid, really; she's going to see all these guys next week when school starts up again, but summer glee has been more fun than she'd expected and she doesn't like to think of things coming to an end. It makes her think of graduation and glee club ending for real. She knows she's going to miss it; she just hopes that they have a shiny gold Nationals trophy to show for their time together.

Quinn squeezes Mercedes' hand and gives her a smile, and Mercedes realizes she ought to be focused not on the things she's going to lose, but on everything she's gained.

They have a break midway through the rehearsal and when Quinn goes off to talk to Santana and Brittany about something, Kurt approaches Mercedes.

"You and Quinn seem to have gotten closer," he says, his expression open and patient. Mercedes knows he isn't pushing anything, just giving her an opening to talk if she wants to take it, and she smiles. They may not be as close as they once were, but they could probably slip right back into their friendship the same way she picked things up with Quinn after a year of barely speaking to her. That's a sign of someone important, someone who counts.

"We're together," Mercedes says simply, and then she hesitates. "But I don't know if we're telling people yet, so..."

He gives her a conspiratorial wink. "Your secret's safe with me."

Arms snake around Mercedes' waist from behind, a chin resting on her shoulder, and Mercedes smiles. If Quinn's going to be like this, at least in the safety of glee club, then maybe they won't have to actually tell anyone.

"Sorry, am I interrupting?" Quinn asks, and Kurt shakes his head.

"Not at all. I'll leave you be." He backs off, mouthing "happy for you" as he goes. He grabs Blaine and whispers something to him, probably already planning double dates at Breadstix.

"Hey," Quinn says, nudging Mercedes out of her thoughts. "There's something I've been meaning to ask you."

"What's that?"

"I was wondering how you felt about dating a Cheerio."

"I... hold up, what?" Mercedes spins around so she's facing Quinn. "Don't tell me you want to go back to cheerleading. Coach Sylvester is straight-up evil, I thought we both agreed on that."

"I know, but I can handle her." Quinn shrugs. "Now that my dad's gone, my mom doesn't have the kind of money to send me to college. Not a good one, anyway. A cheerleading scholarship is my best shot at going someplace worthwhile. I'm not doing it for Coach Sylvester, or so I can be popular, I'm doing it for me. You're going places, Mercedes, and I might not have a superstar future to look forward to like you, but that doesn't mean I have to be a Lima loser."

Mercedes takes Quinn's hand and gives it a squeeze. "In that case, go for it."

Rachel starts calling everyone to attention, which means it's time to rehearse again. Not that they need a whole lot more practice; they've got these songs down, and Mercedes is pretty sure they could walk Sectionals with them. Mr. Schue isn't going to know what hit him come the first week of school.

They all shuffle into place on Rachel's stage for one last run-through of their songs. They may only be performing for an empty basement right now but Mercedes can picture an auditorium, and a sell-out crowd, and she gets the same thrill that she always gets when singing. She glances at Quinn by her side and they share a smile.

Everything still seems transitory and uncertain with senior year looming, but Mercedes thinks they're ready to take it on.

Really I ought to post more often just to take advantage of this glorious moodtheme.

botherd — Sun, 14 Aug 2011 21:22:06 GMT

Eep, femslash11 stories are due on Tuesday and I haven't quite finished! (Well, it's all written, but I wrote it longhand and I need to finish typing it up. I know, I need to learn how to write straight onto the computer.) Will anyone be available tomorrow for a last-minute beta? I mostly need someone who can American-pick and spot any glaring errors. I can't share the fandom/pairing here because it's meant to be secret, but I can PM people details if you think you can help. Thank you in advance!

(I feel kind of bad about neglecting posting for over a month and then starting up again only to ask a favour, but desperate times!)

botherd — Mon, 04 Jul 2011 21:05:29 GMT

- A day later and I've just about recovered from the Brittana kiss. (The hug afterwards is my favourite part.) I dread to think what I'm going to be like if WHEN we get a proper kiss on the show. IT MUST HAPPEN.

- I'm still really sad about Chord being cut! Sam, with his ridiculous impressions and his Justin Bieber tribute band and his general all-round adorkableness, was by far my favourite of the guys. Also, Sam/Mercedes had so much potential. I can understand why they might have thought he was expendable, because he doesn't seem to have a ton of fans like Darren and Chris do, but I still think he was really widely liked even if he wasn't a lot of people's favourite. SIGH.

- I'm also sad that the Glee tour is over. What are we going to do without endless buttslap gifs to tide us over until we get new episodes?

- Question for fic-writing purposes: how many weeks does a typical US high school summer break last?

- I feel kind of guilty for not having written a letter to my femslash11 author, especially considering I usually write such long ones. I guess it's too late now? (Dear femslash11 author, if you're reading this: just write whatever you're inspired to write, and I'll be super happy with it!) I haven't even started writing my own fic, although it is mostly planned out so I'm hoping I won't find it too difficult to get the actual words out.

- I'm really enjoying the new Patrick Wolf album, Lupercalia. I wasn't that impressed at first but it's finally grown on me! /no1curr

- This moodtheme makes me ridiculously happy. ♥

botherd — Thu, 23 Jun 2011 20:32:20 GMT

- Finally after like a million years I got myself a new LJ layout, updated my profile and uploaded an amazing new animated Glee moodtheme. I'm not sure if this is actually going to correspond with me being more active on LJ, but I hope so! I think I need to friend a bunch of people in Glee fandom but I always find it kind of difficult to get involved with a new fandom like that. Lurking is so much easier.

- How awesome was the Game of Thrones finale? The day after I watched it I went out and bought the first book; I wasn't planning on reading them because I like being surprised by the TV show, but there's no way I can last until next year without finding out what happens next.

- I assume everyone is as excited as I am about Pottermore? I don't know if it'll actually turn out to be as awesome as it sounds but right now it looks like it's going to be very cool.

- I'm still really enjoying Pretty Little Liars, but UGH, can we please get rid of Samara already. She's SO BORING; they obviously didn't bother to characterise her beyond "nice girl for Emily". Also, she looks like she ought to be cute and yet somehow isn't. Bring back Paige and her serial killer bangs, please.

- Has anyone else been watching The Voice? I'm kind of in love with Dia Frampton.

- Apparently femslash11 assignments are being sent out at the moment, although I haven't received mine yet. I'm looking forward to it; it's always one of my favourite fic exchanges, and I can't wait to start writing. :D Just received it! And it's going to be a bit of a challenge, but that's definitely a good thing.

Fic: Hold On To Our Light (Glee; Brittany/Santana; PG-13)

botherd — Sun, 19 Jun 2011 19:32:36 GMT

LOOK AT ME, ACTUALLY POSTING FIC. This is 1500 words long and it's seriously taken me two months to write. *facepalm*

Title: Hold On To Our Light
Fandom: Glee
Pairing: Brittany/Santana
Rating: PG-13
Words: 1584
Summary: Five times Brittany and Santana get their cuddle on.
Notes: Seven years in fandom and I'm finally popping my 'five times' cherry. We all have to at some point, right?

One.

In eighth grade, Noah Puckerman scores some pot and gives some to Santana without asking for much in return. He wants to smoke it with her but she shrugs him off, because she has better plans. Brittany meets her in the park an hour later, smiling in anticipation.

So, it turns out that Santana doesn't really know how to roll a joint. Her fingers don't feel nimble enough and she ends up spilling some, but after a few aborted attempts and a lot of swearing it's rolled and stuck down and only slightly misshapen. She holds it up in triumph and Brittany kind of claps her hands together in excitement, and just that look on Brittany's face is enough to make Santana feel a bit dizzy already. Maybe this stuff like, gives off fumes before it's even lit.

Getting high is awesome, Santana soon discovers. For the first time ever Brittany makes actual sense when she's talking, and Santana lets her babble on while she lies on the grass and watches the twilight gather. At one point everything seems to flip upside down so she's looking down instead of up, and she has to grab on to the grass so she doesn't fall. Then Brittany leans over her and everything rights itself again, and all Santana can do is laugh endlessly. Brittany starts laughing too and then they're kissing, hot and sweet and unexpected.

Brittany hums a little as she lies back on the grass, smiling as Santana curls up around her. Santana's fingers find the soft skin of Brittany's stomach under her shirt and start tracing patterns there, the shapes of words that Santana can't look at just yet and will forget once she's sober.

"That tickles," Brittany says, but she doesn't say stop.

It's nearly dark now. The moon is fat and low in the sky.

"You're my favorite, you know that?" Santana says.

"Your favorite what?" Brittany asks, and she starts to stroke Santana's hair.

Santana shrugs a little and smiles into Brittany's skin. "Just my favorite."

Two.

The first time making out turns into something more, they're fifteen.

And, okay: wow. Santana gets now why everyone makes such a big freaking deal about sex all the time, because that was awesome. She's been with a couple of guys before but that never really did anything for her, probably because teenage boys are stupid and selfish and lose all interest once they get off. Santana should take a few mental notes of what Brittany just did so she can give Puck some pointers, except she couldn't really focus on any specifics because her mind was too busy being blown.

Brittany curls up around Santana, her head a pleasant weight on Santana's chest. "Does this mean we're lesbians now?"

That's the question, the question that Santana keeps punching away every time it swings into view. "What?" she says, then, "No. No, of course not. Britt, girls just... experiment sometimes. That's it. It's not a big deal, okay? It doesn't mean anything."

That sounded convincing, right? Right. So it doesn't matter that her best friend just went down on her and Santana enjoyed the hell out of it. It's just sex, just touching, just – whatever. Not a big deal.

Brittany hums happily to herself and Santana feels the vibrations deep in her chest. It's kind of nice, this, lying with Britt in the afterglow – but just because she's a warm body, and skin-on-skin contact gives off, like, endorphins or something. Not specifically because it's Brittany.

She hears Brittany's breathing evening out, which means she's fallen asleep, which means Santana's going to be stuck like this all night with Brittany on top of her. Unless she wants to move Brittany, which she doesn't, because Brittany's always cranky when you wake her up. (It's sort of adorable, actually. Not that Santana's into things that are adorable.) So she and Brittany are left where they are, naked, curled up around each other in Santana's bed.

It sounds pretty gay if you look at it like that.

Three.

Junior year of high school, Santana finally spills her guts in song. It's hands down the scariest thing she's ever done, singing about her feelings while trying not to cry or think too hard about what people are thinking of her. She's a mess, she knows that, and about halfway through she just gives up holding onto any kind of facade and lets herself feel everything that she's been burying for her whole goddamn life.

Brittany's right there, and she's singing too, and that's enough for Santana to hope that everything's going to be okay.

The song ends and Brittany says, "Is that really how you feel?"

All Santana can do is nod and say, "Uh huh, yeah," even though it's not exactly true; the song is a start, but there's more she wants to say, and maybe once she pulls herself together a bit she'll be able to find the words. She walks over and pulls Brittany into a hug, probably the tightest one ever. People are clapping and Sam says something but Santana doesn't hear it, because all she can focus on is the way Brittany's arms feel so strong around her, and the thumping of their heartbeats, and the scent of Brittany's skin.

It feels like they're hugging for a really long time, past the point where it's probably weird for everyone watching, but still she can't let go – even though they must all know now, they must know, and that terrifies the shit out of her.

They pull away from each other eventually; they can't hold on forever.

It all falls apart after that.

Four.

The summer before senior year, they become friends again. It's different to how it used to be, completely and unalterably, and it's not what Santana really wants, but it's okay. Friends without benefits is kind of a sucky deal, but it's better than not being friends at all.

They start hanging out again, slowly getting used to being back in each others' orbits, even if they're six inches apart at all times. Boundaries. Santana hates them, and she hates even more that she's the one who's enforcing them. She's not sure whether Brittany understands why it has to be all or nothing, but to Brittany's credit she never asks.

And then one day it shifts, for no particular reason that Santana can discern. They're sitting on Brittany's bed watching Mean Girls for the fifty thousandth time when Brittany rests her head on Santana's shoulder like it's the most natural thing in the world, like maybe she forgot.

"Uh, Britt?" Santana says, but only softly, because she really doesn't want to break the moment. Brittany doesn't say anything, she just snuggles closer and drapes an arm across Santana's stomach. This is the part where Santana's boundary-enforcing should kick in, but she's weak, and Brittany's warm, and for a minute Santana could swear her heart has forgotten how to beat.

"But nothing's changed, right?" Santana says after a moment. "I mean, we're still... not on the same page." Santana knows it's mostly her fault, what with her crippling inability to put herself out there and show people the real her, but she doesn't see why she should have to shout anything from the rooftops. She just wants –

Well, this.

"I know," Brittany says, like she's been reading Santana's thoughts. "But that's okay. I'm not going anywhere."

Santana's breath hitches in her chest. It sounds like a promise.

Five.

Fall's getting on when it finally happens.

Santana sits down next to Brittany in glee rehearsal, practically fizzing with excitement. There's something that she's been wanting to say all day, and maybe now's not the perfect moment but she can't keep it in anymore.

"So, guess who came out to her parents last night?" She wanted to be nonchalant about it, but she's smiling way too hard to give off that impression. But that's okay, because so is Brittany.

"Was it you?" Brittany says, and Santana just nods, totally smirking. Maybe she hasn't exactly earned her smugness, but whatever, she feels pretty fucking great. (It was kind of an anti-climax actually, so not worth the months of angst, but not the point.)

She puts her arm around Brittany just because she fucking can, because her parents don't give a shit who she dates as long as it doesn't interfere with her getting the grades for college, and she's pretty sure that everyone in glee club has already figured out that she's a raging queer. So there's nothing stopping her now that she's gotten over herself, and when Brittany looks at her and smiles, it's obvious that Brittany knows that too.

Santana should have done this sooner.

Rehearsal starts off with Rachel singing some overwrought love song about Finn and, as they sit there watching, Santana pulls Brittany closer until Britt's head falls to rest on Santana's shoulder. With her eyes closed to ignore the ridiculous faces that Rachel's pulling, Santana actually kind of enjoys the performance. Rachel's voice is all kinds of spectacular, not that Santana would ever admit that even if she were waterboarded, and the lyrics sound like they could be about her and Brittany. Something about coming home, and finally.

She kisses the top of Brittany's head. They probably need to have a conversation, some kind of formal will you be my girlfriend agreement, but – well, maybe they don't.

They both know where they belong.

Oh hey, let's see if I can remember how to do this update thing.

botherd — Tue, 14 Jun 2011 21:09:02 GMT

- You know you spend too much time on Tumblr when you try to reblog an LJ post. *facepalm* (The post in question was this, the first xkcd comic to make me laugh out loud in ages.)

- I, uh, may or may not be currently downloading the first episode of The Glee Project, the no doubt terrible reality show about finding a new Glee cast member. DON'T JUDGE ME.

- I've been watching and completely loving Game of Thrones, just like apparently everyone else is. Here's what I love about Game of Thrones: LITERALLY NO ONE IS SAFE. Watching most other shows it's difficult to get too caught up in the danger because you know the main characters are going to survive (or else get resurrected if they die on a sci-fi show) but with Game of Thrones it's just like BAM, Ned Stark just got his head chopped off. It doesn't matter that he's Sean Bean and he's the top-billed actor! ANYONE COULD DIE. I mean, I was surprised when Viserys and Robert died because I'd assumed they were mainish characters that would hang around for a while, but Ned! I just kind of stared at my computer screen while the end credits rolled going "OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD".

- From the sublime to the ridiculous: SO EXCITED FOR NEW PRETTY LITTLE LIARS TONIGHT. (Well, tomorrow for those of us unfortunate to have to download it.) I know it's not been very long since season one ended, but I MISS IT.

- I signed up for femslash11, one of the ficathons that can regularly persuade me to actually write fic. Not that I haven't been writing fic lately - I've probably written ~15k of various different Glee fics, but the trouble is that I hate everything I've written. There's one thing that I might post, but it's been so long since I've posted fic that I've slipped back into the mindset where I find it hugely nerve-wracking to actually post. IDK, I'll try and get over it because I really would like to be more active in Glee fandom.

- Um, that's it. How are you, flist?

botherd — Sat, 04 Jun 2011 19:29:23 GMT

For the first time in a while I find myself needing to talk about Doctor Who!

OH SHIT ALL THE AMY/RIVER FIC I'VE EVER READ JUST BECAME INCEST. LOLOLOL. I used to ship it and now I don't think I can; I'm fine with siblingcest but parent/child incest squicks me.

Anyway, the Melody Pond = River Song reveal wasn't a massive surprise, but I like this development! Mostly because River has always been awesome, but the fact that she's PART TIME LORD makes her even cooler. And if she's the girl in the space suit and she killed the Doctor then that lines up with River saying she killed the best man she ever knew, but then... it seemed like River didn't know anything about the little girl in the opener, right? Huh. I guess I'd have to go back and rewatch.

But, anyway, plotty stuff aside - because I really love this series-long arc they've got going, but I'm happy to let it unfold instead of trying to twist my mind into knots to figure it all out - I'm really interested in how this changes the dynamic of Team TARDIS. Even though this series has been really patchy (arc stuff + Gaiman's ep = AWESOME, pirates and flesh eps = RUBBISH), Eleven & Amy & Rory & River are my faaaavourites and I can't wait to see their interaction now they know who River is. I'm anticipating weirdness and lulz and oh, WHY DO WE HAVE TO WAIT.

botherd — Wed, 25 May 2011 09:43:13 GMT

Initial Glee finale reactions! I haven't seen anyone else's yet so I have no idea how other people feel about it but I need to get all my thoughts out now.

Are you fucking kidding me? That's all we get? So, ignoring the lack of a kiss for a while - what about the spoilers that said Santana's closet situation would be addressed? Sure, Quinn obviously knows, but that's not the same as her actually coming out. I can't believe they built this story up only to completely drop it! Will she come out next season, or is everyone just going to know? (I mean, I'm pretty sure everyone DOES know, but that's not the same as her TELLING people.)

Ugh, I'm SO ANGRY. I can deal without them kissing because they've left it open-ended, but for them to drop the coming out storyline is inexcusable.

But, hey, at least we got a fuckton of Finchel to make it all better. *eyeroll*

I'm SO GLAD they didn't win, because seriously, THEY HADN'T EVEN WRITTEN THE SONGS BEFORE THEY ARRIVED IN NEW YORK. And last week everyone said they were leaving it late when Mr Schue wanted two songs by the time they touched down at JFK, heh. They really have to stop with this nonsense.

ALSO THEY CUT THE AMAZING HILARIOUSLY DIRTY FIRST VERSE OF 'MY CUP'. UNFORGIVABLE.

And Quinn didn't even go on a murder spree. Disappointing.

So, yeah. Kind of an anti-climax all round? Sigh. This show, honestly.

botherd — Thu, 19 May 2011 21:10:26 GMT

So, the new Gaga album. FUCKING AMAZING, RIGHT? I wasn't really expecting it to be all that after Born This Way and Judas, but fuck me, it's so good (and the singles sound a lot better in the context of the album, I think). Initial favourites are Bloody Mary, Electric Chapel, Government Hooker and Scheiße, but I love the whole thing. I want to say something more substantial, because I've been playing and thinking about the album all day, but I'm not sure I can properly explain everything that I love about it. Anyway, the point is: she really fucking delivered, and I couldn't be happier.

In other news, I feel vaguely obliged to talk about the latest episode of Glee, even though I forgot last week and didn't much like this episode.

Usually I'm the person who cries at every damn thing on television - I got a box of tissues ready! - but I was unmoved. Mostly because I think it's hugely problematic that they just wheel out a disabled character and then unceremoniously kill her off purely so Sue can have something to emote about. I know everyone's over Sue and she needed a reset but did they have to do it in such an emotionally manipulative way? Blah. Also, I'm going to say this in a small voice because I know it's blasphemy, but I think Jane Lynch is a tiny bit overrated.

Also, Finn and Quinn. What is this? I just can't. The only satisfactory way to resolve the interminable love triangle would be to hook Quinn and Rachel up, and I say that as someone who completely failed to get Rachel/Quinn until Born This Way.

I felt like the audition sequence was less than the sum of its parts. Santana was smoking hot and sounded great, Kurt was Kurt, Mercedes was awesome, and Rachel killed it (holy shit, I wasn't super impressed with My Man when I just heard the mp3 but the performance was incredible) but I feel like they could have done more with the whole thing? IDK.

Favourite moments: Santana smokes cigars, and Brittany knows how to turn off a video camera. (Fuck you, Mr Schue. Please go to Broadway and leave this show.)

So there's this new Lady Gaga song.

botherd — Mon, 09 May 2011 20:53:50 GMT

It took me approximately two and half listens to go from "huh, this isn't bad" to "FUCK ME, THIS IS AMAZING". I've been kind of disappointed with this ~era so far but for the first time in ages I'm super excited about the album. NOW IT JUST NEEDS TO LEAK, DAMMIT.

Obligatory Wednesday Glee Post

botherd — Wed, 04 May 2011 21:04:59 GMT

OMG, SANTANA, YOU'RE KILLING ME. SDKSJDFGHF BRITTANY WAS READY TO DATE YOU. WHAT, WHAT, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I have to say, as much as the Brittana angst is breaking my heart, I'm eating it up with a spoon. I like that it's messy and imperfect and they're both trying but both kind of getting it wrong at the same time, and I cannot fucking wait until they're finally both on the same page. IT'S GOING TO BE GLORIOUS.

I have to bitch about the stupid fucking "playing for the other team" cop-out, though. WEAK. It doesn't even make sense in Brittany-logic, let alone the real world. Why would she gossip about something that is common knowledge, old news, and not even interesting in the first place? Sigh. So I don't know whether to believe that Brittany actually did it intentionally, or Ryan Murphy is just a hack. Probably the latter.

Anyway, things I especially loved:

- "Santana told me never to speak alone with you because you'll try to steal all of my gold." Guys, Santana manages to steal scenes she's not even in.

- "'What Prom Queen candidate is spending a lot of time in her closet?' That's garbage, Quinn's claustrophobic." "No, that's Santana." We are WAY overdue a Rachel/Santana scene, y/y? I hope we at least see Rachel's reaction when Santana comes out.

- Santana wearing motherfucking DUNGAREES while trying to reassert her heterosexuality. TWICE. Capital G Gay.

- Kristin Chenoweth continues to be awesome, but I'm also glad she was used sparingly. This is how you use guest stars, Glee.

- NO BLAINE. NO WARBLERS. \o/

- All the music was really good, and I say this as someone who downloaded the Fleetwood Mac album before the episode aired, listened to about four songs and went, "Meh."

- Songbird obviously was amazing, and the talk afterwards, oh my God. BRITTANY WAS GOING TO ASK SANTANA TO PROM. Also THEIR FACES, AND THAT HUG. You remember how in South of Nowhere they always had these really shitty weaksauce hugs? I love how when Santana and Brittany hug, it's like they never want to let go. omfg, they give me so many ~feelings.

- Even though I was obviously despairing over Santana bailing on Brittany, I'm actually kind of glad it worked out this way? Two reasons: I think Santana needs to come out for herself, not for Brittany, and I also think that Brittany needs to make a definitive choice about who she wants to be with instead of just moving on to Santana because she broke up with Artie. Now, obviously it's not guaranteed that I'm going to get either of those things, but I live in hope!

- Santana randomly ragging on Rachel for no reason. I'm so, so convinced that Santana has a secret crush on Rachel and nothing will convince me otherwise.

- SAM. I don't care, I think he's adorable and charming and I loved him in this episode. I really wish the writers had stuck with their original plan and kept him as Kurt's boyfriend instead of inventing fucking Blaine, who is just tedious.

- Lord Tubbington. Need I say more?

So that was a whole lot of awesome! There wasn't really anything I hated, not even the hot mess that is the Rachel/Finn/Quinn triangle. I think if I were particularly invested in any of them, or any side of the triangle, it would've bugged me that they were basically all awful to each other, but I didn't mind it. Mostly because I thought Go Your Own Way and I Don't Want to Know were both really great performances. I guess awesomely passive-aggressive performances are my thing? WHO KNEW.

Next week: PROM OMG. I'm spoiled, but still looking forward to seeing how it all plays out.

botherd — Mon, 02 May 2011 19:01:21 GMT

So, that Glee sneak peak that you've probably already seen a million times on Tumblr.

OKAY, I realise that I'm ridiculously over-invested in this goddamn ship, but fucking hell, I am RAGING at Brittany. To the point where I may not even ship it anymore. I just - okay, we all know Brittany's dumb, and she has no concept of keeping things like this secret or even WHY someone would want to keep it secret, but STILL. It is beyond disrespectful to out Santana like that. BRITTANY, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU. Ugh, I can't even.

And we know Songbird happens, so what exactly is the sequence of events here? Santana sings Songbird and then Brittany repays her by outing her, or Brittany outs Santana and then Santana sings Songbird to her anyway? Either way, DO NOT WANT. I know Santana is mostly an awful person but I still think she deserves to be treated better than this, especially by someone who claims to love her.

Hopefully I'm getting all worked up for nothing (which, uh, is true anyway, because it's JUST A TV SHOW) and it'll all work out. Maybe Santana did something to deserve it! Maybe Brittany is truly sorry! Context is important, after all. But right now I am Most Displeased. Fucking Glee writers, why do you have to suck so much?

(LOL seriously though, I know it's stupid for me to get so worked up about this when I have no idea how it plays out. I JUST HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS, OKAY.)

Oh God, I'd forgotten how endlessly I can ramble about TV.

botherd — Wed, 27 Apr 2011 20:32:06 GMT

This was going to be a post about 'Born This Way' but then that song leaked and I JUST HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS.

OH MY GOD, SONGBIRD. WHERE DO I EVEN BEGIN.

- Firstly, I just can't get over the fact that they even gave Naya motherfucking SONGBIRD. I mean, after Gwyneth taking over Landslide I didn't hold out much hope for good Santana solos in the future, so for her to get Songbird really is a coup. So happy!
- Obviously it's not the very best version of the song ever recorded (hello, Eva Cassidy) but I think it's easily Naya's best vocal performance and I love it to bits.
- Also there's the part where OH MY GOD SANTANA JUST LOVES BRITTANY SO MUCH I CAN'T EVEN HOW DO I EVEN COPE WITH MY OTP BEING SO FUCKING PERFECT. The part where her voice kind of wobbles because she just has so many feelings? DEAD.

Okay, okay, I'll try and calm down and talk about the actual episode.

SO. I will get to the parts that I most care about in a bit, but first I'll talk about the other stuff before I get so overwhelmed with Santana love that I forget the other stuff even existed.

- KURT! You know, I go back and forth with Kurt but I really liked him this episode. A lot of people have complained that As If We Never Said Goodbye went on for approximately ten years, but whatever: I loved it. Not so much the super-literal staging, but it was the perfect song for Kurt's return to McKinley (which apparently I have a surprising amount of feelings about!) and I thought Chris nailed it. Haters to the left.

- Will Schuester continues to be an epic douchebag. Oh my God, what was that scene with the unwashed fruit? But despite that, I was really pleased with how they started taking Emma's OCD seriously; the scene with the therapist was really good. Having previously been in Skins fandom, it's so refreshing to see a competent mental health professional for a change. Also, Jayma Mays is awesome.

- Darren Criss, WHAT IS YOUR FACE LIKE. I don't particularly care for Blaine anyway and I spent all of Somewhere Only We Know laughing at how ridiculous he looked. Go away, please.

- I don't know how I feel about the sudden random Quinn backstory that came from nowhere. I can't get a handle on Quinn's character at all; she seems to go from being a raging bitch to actually quite sweet at the drop of a hat and at this point I just don't really give a fuck. Also, I thought that what Lauren did was AWFUL. At least she apologised, but IDK, as someone who previously quite liked her I wasn't impressed. (Of course, I am a giant hypocrite because I'm quick to judge all the characters who act like douchebags while simultaneously stanning hard for Santana.)

- I Feel Pretty/Unpretty was awesome, though! As was Cory's song! Didn't much like their version of Born This Way and hated Barbra Streisand, because seriously, THAT SONG. Terrible. Also, the flashmob thing was a whole lot more fun when it was Safety Dance.

... okay, this is quite long already and I haven't even got to the good parts yet.

- SANTANA. STILL MY FAVOURITE. ♥ Oh my God, the pining over Brittany absolutely killed me. In the hallways, in the coffee shop, CONSTANT PINING. So amazing it even made me forget what a fucking hideous hat she was wearing.

- Okay, calling Brittany gullible in the voiceover wasn't my favourite thing ever; one of the (many!) reasons why I prefer Brittana to Bartie is that I feel like they're more equals, whereas Artie is pretty condescending. I get that she wasn't literally planning on ordering Brittany to date her (and I don't think Brittany is so gullible to go for it in the first place) but eh, it rubbed me the wrong way.

- I LOVED all the stuff with her and Karofsky. Before this episode I had no time for Karofsky at all; I didn't care about his issues, I just wanted him punished and then GONE. But now I'm interested in seeing if they could sort of actually bond, especially since Santana came out to him (not something I was expecting!). I love that Karofsky's redemption is ambiguous so far - he was obviously just saying what Santana told him to in the choir room, but in the scene with Kurt he seemed a bit more genuine? Anyway, I think this just goes to show that any character can become interesting when given scenes with Santana.

- THE SHIRT LOCKER SCENE. (Why are all Brittany and Santana's scenes in front of lockers?!) So much to love about this: "legend has it that when I came out of my mother I told the nurse she was fat", the Lebanese shirt, "you're like the most awesomest girl in this school", THEM IN GENERAL. I'm still trying to figure Brittany out, though. Does she really consider herself "bicurious" or is it another case of her getting words mixed up and she means bisexual? Because come on, three episodes ago she said she would proudly date Santana; seems like she's more committed to the idea of dating girls than "bicurious" implies.

- Also, I think that while Brittany gets that it's hard for Santana to come out, she doesn't get WHY, and she still doesn't really get how she specifically hurt Santana and that she still keeps hurting Santana by pushing her to be honest about her feelings without giving her anything in return. (Or without giving Santana what she really wants in return, anyway.) So I feel like it wasn't really Brittany's place to get so mad at Santana at the end there. I've seen people fanwanking that she's waiting for Santana to come out so she can date her, because she doesn't want to be with someone closeted, but I'm not entirely convinced.

- AT LEAST WE HAVE MORE DEVELOPMENT TO LOOK FORWARD TO NEXT EPISODE, AND PROBABLY EVERY EPISODE AFTER THAT FOR THE REST OF THE SEASON. I still can't quite believe that the writers are committed to this story to the point where it's been featured in every episode since Sexy and everything points to that continuing on. After the long, long drought following Duets, this is kind of amazing. Yay, show!

I'm going to start doing weekly Glee posts, aren't I? YOU KNOW I AM.

botherd — Wed, 20 Apr 2011 16:36:53 GMT

- RAZORBLADES HIDDEN IN HER HAIR. Oh, Santana, this is why you're the greatest. ♥ ♥ ♥ Disappointed we didn't get more of a scene surrounding the slushying - what was she talking to Brittany about?? - but the scene with Kurt, Blaine and Karofsky made up for it. If this leads to the start of a Kurt & Santana friendship I'm all for it.

- MIKE CHANG. ♥ ♥ ♥ Can we please replace every future gratuitous Blaine solo with a Mike Chang dance routine?

- LOL @ Adele being a "neglected artist". Yeah, her album's only fucking TAKING OVER THE WORLD. Needless to say, Gwyneth cannot touch her. At least Turning Tables is one of my least favourite songs on 21; I'd be raging if she murdered Someone Like You or Set Fire to the Rain instead.

- ... that's about all I have to say. Pretty crappy episode overall, right? But I'm excited for next week!

botherd — Sun, 03 Apr 2011 14:19:54 GMT

Quick question for Glee fans: what's your opinion on mentioning specific songs in fics? Is it acceptable, or is it kind of hokey? I can't decide.

On the one hand, characters singing specific songs to illustrate their feelings is part of the fabric of the universe and it seems weird to me to ignore that. But on the other hand, as soon as you start to write that down in fanfiction it starts veering perilously close to becoming songfic, and no one wants that.

So what do you think? I'm really only using them incidentally, so does that make it okay? One is referenced, but not actually sung by anyone, and kind of has to be mentioned by name. Another is sung by someone (not one of the main characters) to express their feelings, and I'm not sure whether to pick a particular song or just describe the general vibe. IDK. Am I overthinking this? YES, PROBABLY. But I'm interested to know what people think, whether you've seen it work really well in fics or whether it pulls you out of them. Or whether you don't care and think I should just get on and write.

botherd — Wed, 30 Mar 2011 21:37:56 GMT

So, I got myself a Tumblr! botherd.tumblr.com. Let me know yours so I can follow you? My dashboard is woefully empty at present.

I'm still mostly feeling like a flailing newbie over there and find myself weirdly concerned about, like, the ~etiquette, because I'm ridiculous. It's so different to LJ! I can't handle a new fannish platform! Also I find it slightly unnerving that there's apparently no comment function, wtf. But mostly it seems like fun (and less effort than LJ, heh).

botherd — Mon, 28 Mar 2011 13:25:38 GMT

It's been a while (holy shit, a month!) since I last updated, so I guess I should post something. Basically, in RL terms, everything kinda sucks? IDK if people remember that a couple of months ago I was told my job was in danger and I had to reapply for it - well, it turns out that even though everything was looking really positive for a while, they FINALLY stopped stringing me along and told me that I'm being made redundant. So that's, you know, awful. And I'm just in this super unhelpful place where I can't bear to actually think about it or DO anything, so I spend most of my time like, looking at adorable Glee gifs on Tumblr and trying really hard not to panic.

But in at-least-the-internet-exists-to-distract-me-from-my-woes news, at least I'm getting super into fandom again? IDEK, I've just completely become Glee's bitch. I rewatched the whole thing (well, except for A Very Glee Christmas, because that episode makes me want to stab things, and by 'things' I mean 'Artie') and somehow it was less rage-inducing this time around? Maybe I've become awesome at compartmentalising, or maybe I can just forgive a lot for the sake of hot TV lesbians.

I've even started writing fic, although IDK if I'll finish it because I don't think I've really got Santana and Brittany's voices down. We'll see. At least not having a job will leave me with more time to write fic? /silver lining

botherd — Mon, 28 Feb 2011 18:35:23 GMT

Um, can someone tell me what I think about the new Lady Gaga video?? IDEK. Just... what.

Okay, so, I loved her in the skull makeup! But we've already seen skullface dude in that Mugler thing with the Scheiße remix, so even though it was favourite bit it didn't have the impact that it could've done. But mostly I wasn't hugely enamoured of the visuals. WHY IS IT SO DARK. And really I think the Mother Monster nonsense has gone on long enough.

Also LOL @ her saying it was going to be a "short form" video. IT'S SEVEN BLOODY MINUTES LONG.

There's going to be a second video, isn't there? Let's hope it's better.

botherd — Sun, 27 Feb 2011 15:18:28 GMT

Wow, it's been ages. I feel like I should post more, but then I never have anything much to say.

I've... kind of given up on Skins. Both versions. I'm one episode behind on US Skins and two behind on UK Skins and I don't really have any motivation to catch up with either of them. Maybe I'll catch up with US Skins eventually if I hear that they've sorted out the Tony/Tea fuckery, but IDK.

In RL news, you know how my whole job situation was up in the air? IT STILL IS. But it looks potentially positive, because the organisation might have more funding? IDK, I have no idea what's going to happen, but I'm going to be there at least through to the beginning of April, so that's something.

Back to fandom news: I seem to have accidentally become OBSESSED with Glee, which was careless of me. I mean, don't get me wrong: I am well aware of the many and varied ways in which it sucks out loud, and I still rage at it on a regular basis, but Santana Lopez just snuck up on me and made me fall in love with her. IT WASN'T MY FAULT. So I've been gorging myself on schmoopy slightly-OOC Brittany/Santana fic these last couple of days, and I find myself ridiculously excited about the next episode. APPARENTLY GWYNETH PALTROW IS COMING BACK AND IS GOING TO HELP SANTANA COME TO TERMS WITH HER BISEXUALITY? Oh, Gwyneth, if this is really true then I'll never mock GOOP again. Of course, this being Glee, they'll probably fuck it all up, but I'm just so, so excited that they're actually finally going there, eleven (!!!) episodes after they flirted with it in Duets.

LOL, I am so not proud of any of this. GLEE SUCKS. I'm hoping it will be one of those random brief obsessions I occasionally get with a new fandom that never lasts, but WHO KNOWS. I already have the urge to write fic.

Oh, also, in my travels around Glee fandom I found this picture:

AND NOW I NEED SOME RPF.

botherd — Fri, 11 Feb 2011 14:06:53 GMT

SO, BORN THIS WAY. It's all kind of cheesy and embarrassing and the spoken intro makes me want to stab myself in the face, BUT I STILL KIND OF LOVE IT? It's no Bad Romance, that's for sure, and I'll be disappointed if there aren't better songs on the album, but IDK, it's kind of irresistable. What does everyone else think?

In other news, earlier today I had an interview for the job I'm already doing. And it went pretty well! I usually suck at interviews, but I had some pretty positive feedback and I'm feeling good about it. I'm not sure if I'll get to keep my job or not but at least if I don't get it it won't be because I fucked up the interview.

Obligatory Thursday Skins Post

botherd — Fri, 11 Feb 2011 00:29:33 GMT

I'm going to have to rename this tag AGAIN.

OKAY SO I'm just going to pretend that Mini was only kind of a bitch to Franky at the beginning of the series instead of a heinous bully, because that's the only way I can rationalise my RIDICULOUS LOVE for her this episode. Yes, that's right: I finally enjoyed an ep of gen 3. (And predictably, it was the one where the pretty girl gets woobified. I'm so easy.)

Also, really shipping Franky/Mini after that scene they shared. Obviously this is hugely problematic considering how awful Mini was to Franky - I don't think she deserves forgiveness just because she has insecurities of her own - but I can't help it. :(

I also started to like Liv this episode (I didn't really have an opinion before) even though it was awful of her to fuck Nick. So that's three whole characters I like now! I might end up liking Matty when we see a bit more of him, so it could go all the way up to four characters, but I think I've seen enough of Nick, Rich, Alo and Grace to be pretty sure they're not going to win me over. Still, it's finally starting to grow on me.

Georgia Lester >>> every other Skins writer.

Obligatory Tuesday US!Skins Post

botherd — Tue, 08 Feb 2011 23:57:03 GMT

... is it just me, or is this show getting better? This episode really felt like Skins to me, without feeling like a copy of the original. I think it's starting to come into its own. Obviously there are still problems with some of the actors, but I thought Britne Oldford was really good at making Cadie feel like a completely different character to Cassie. (Actually, even while some of the actors aren't great I think most of the characters feel distinct from the characters they're based on.)

Here's what I love about US Skins, which is something that UK Skins hasn't had for a couple of series now: it still feels like an ensemble, even with the focus on one character each episode. Each episode feels like that one character's perspective on events that affect the group as a whole. And okay, some of the characters haven't been very effectively woven in yet - it pretty much feels like the Tony/Tea/Michelle/Stan/Cadie show - but they still feel like part of the group.

The Tony/Tea stuff... I'm trying to keep an open mind. I don't hate the storyline on principle, because sexuality can be complicated and confusing even when you think you've got it figured out, but it could VERY easily veer into offensive territory. We'll see how it plays out.

(Eura is still the worst. It would be fine if they wanted to take her in a completely different direction, but right now she just feels like a pale imitation of Effy. DNW.)