Primordial Soup

Another in the occasional weird things I have found for sale series

bogwitch — Mon, 01 Aug 2016 21:39:07 GMT

Who would buy a power station snowglobe with simulated pollution (nuclear fallout?).

If it was cheaper, it might have been me.

ETA: There are only 5 left. Get your order in now!

The EU Referendum

bogwitch — Fri, 24 Jun 2016 07:25:51 GMT

Appalled and disgusted sum up my feelings this morning.

Unfortunately I am not the slightest bit surprised. It was never going to be possible to have a rational debate and clearheaded vote on the topic after years and years of media lies about the EU.

Well done, Britain. You have given the racists, the far right, the SNP and Rupert Murdoch exactly what they want.

Adventures in Semi-Successful Jewellery Making - Part 2

bogwitch — Mon, 09 May 2016 20:59:06 GMT

So I made some more...

So, when we left off I had made a huge bat to sit inpractically on my chest. It really was too big to wear to work, so I made a mini version. He's much better to wear.

And from a similar tutotial, I made a crow. I like him very much and has proved quite durable. He's nice and subtle to wear.

Then I went mad and made loads of things...

but that'll be another post (I still need to take the pictures)

Whatever next!

bogwitch — Mon, 25 Apr 2016 19:59:45 GMT

WTF?

This weirdness has to be some sort of fetish thing right? Let's all inject jelly into foam bums together!

I have to say the general confusion in the comments made me die laughing.

I should know better

bogwitch — Tue, 29 Mar 2016 21:21:01 GMT

Ugh. I stink.

I got a free sample of the Nicki Minaj perfume The Pinkprint today whether I wanted it or not (thanks Superdrug, for nothing) and foolishly I thought would try it out as it didn't smell that bad on the card, but it's developed into something cloying and horrible on my skin and now I can't get rid of it no matter how many times I scrub.

Make the pink, sweet vileness go away!

Adventures in Semi-Successful Jewellery Making

bogwitch — Tue, 08 Mar 2016 21:28:36 GMT

I seem to have missed all the friending fun as in the last couple of weeks I have been incredibly busy with preparations for a friend at work's wedding. Thankfully, that is now over and I can make a post too.

I want to get back to making more useless stuff and I have done a couple of things. I have always tinkered with jewllery, necklaces particularly as I don't have my ears pierced after the one I did get pierced went horribly crusty and bleugh, remaking them into new things as they fall apart. I can't resist a charity shop with a broken jewellery lucky dip! (I have a lot of beads for someone who doesn't like bead jewellery). My tastes tend towards the gothic, obvs.

The first things I made recently was a 1980s Siouxsie Sioux bracelet. It goes more or less from one end of the decade to the other:

It keeps breaking as the moon charm on the end is a bit too heavy, but its there to keep the bracelet on top of the wrist. I should probably replace it with a Star of David really, but as I am not Jewish that felt a bit inappropriate.

Why a Siouxsie bracelet? Well, why not! I was originally going to make a classic movie monsters bracelet, but then I decided there wasn't enough women, so I thought scream queens! But those are too much like victims. The next thought was Barbara Steele in Black Sunday, which then made me think of Sioux and then it was obvious what I was making. I have one more kit like this. I have no idea what to put in it yet. Barbara Steele might yet have her day.

Then on Sunday, I started on a bat necklace of ginormous proportions (9"/23cm)! it is based on this tutorial here, with some tweaks.

Here it is posing on my dressing gown (ignore all the cat hair, I do).

Close up!

Excuse my pudgy fingers.

I really don't know where I would ever wear it or what with. I don't even think it would survive if I did. It is made of polymer clay and although it is quite thick it is still a bit bendy after an hour in the oven. I think its destiny is as a decoration.

Next up is a raven necklace like this but there won't be any pink on my bird. I will try to make it a reasonable size this time. I like these tutorials, they are very do-able by the sort of competent (unlike this amazing piece).

Halloween Advent Update

bogwitch — Fri, 15 Jan 2016 21:36:12 GMT

I have being meaning to post this for awhile, but when I remember to actually do it, the time is a bit late and I have to go to bed.

Anyway, the Halloween Advent Calendar now as a roof! And is black (and grey).

The roof isn't all individual tiles, but die cut lengths about 20cm long. It still took a couple of days to stick it all on and distress the tiles a little with green, brown and black Distress Ink. Yes, it was still Christmas and no I haven't done much since.

In other news, I have a Mr Scattybones bag and you don't! :) (this will be meaningless for anyone not following sb_fag_ends. This is a ghostly cat of my own design)

Happy Christmas!

bogwitch — Fri, 25 Dec 2015 23:13:31 GMT

I hope everyone had a very Happy Christmas.

Mine was good, despite the arguements with my mother and the boredom.

A Halloween Advent Calendar

bogwitch — Sun, 29 Nov 2015 21:58:34 GMT

So YouTube is the devil. You knew that.

If you need proof, in the last year or so, I have become a bit addicted to YouTube craft tutorials and stemming from this, I have a number of aborted half-finished projects to my name that I thought were a good idea at the time.

The latest then is a wooden Halloween Advent Calendar which I didn’t realise was missing from my life until I saw this (when it was on Etsy and I too gulped at the price). No worries, I thought seemingly like many others, I can just make my own! Though not as fancy, obviously.

So I got a wooden advent calendar from Hobbycraft and told my dad what I was doing in the hope he would suggest a way of adding another six boxes to take it from 25 to 31 for October. He volunteered to make some… and then to extend the roof. And then he got really into it and dreamt up a sloping roof and a bell tower… no, a clock tower… no, a clock tower with a steeple (he made all these versions, usually without telling me first) and then fitted a board for a background and lights (we are yet to choose the constellation). He’s even ordered a dollhouse weathervane (which is going to have a witch on it). Whose project was this again?

So far then, we have gone from this:

To this:

Now I have to paint it and not ruin it in the process.

I will keep you updated.

Halloween Challenge at sb_fag_ends

bogwitch — Fri, 23 Oct 2015 20:52:53 GMT

sb_fag_ends has launched it's annual Halloween Challenge and this one is a really exciting game that is a sort of sequel to our Witches Brew challenge from a couple of years back.

Those who are Spuffily inclined - Come and Trick or Treat!

OMG

bogwitch — Wed, 21 Oct 2015 20:33:02 GMT

No! No! No! I just laughed at Keith Lemon! The horror.

I want to die.

Back from WriterconUK

bogwitch — Sun, 20 Sep 2015 21:57:22 GMT

All home and very tired right now - lugging a ton of stuff up the stairs didn't help.

I think my cat actually missed me...!

Fic: The Real Thing (BtVS, Spike/Buffy)

bogwitch — Tue, 01 Sep 2015 19:40:42 GMT

What is this?

I wrote a fic last week for the sb_fag_ends' Fifth Anniversary Comment Party!

The Real Thingby Bogwitch
Word Count: 2282
Rating: 12A
Pairing: Spike/Buffy
Spoilers: BtVS, Season 6 Post-As You Were, but casually ignores canon
Summary: Spike is about to give Buffy the shock of her life, but why isn't he talking?
Authors Note: Prompt: Vampire Robot. That’s just going to have to be Spike, isn’t it?

Out of the corner of her eye, Buffy sees exactly the sight she’s been dreading. A flash of punk-pale hair. A covert flap of leather disappearing round the edge of the one crypt she’s been avoiding all week. A Spike-shaped shadow cast in moonlight.

Her shoulders droop. She should have known.

Stopping still, Buffy clenches her fists as her anger starts to rise. Spike was the last thing she wanted to deal with now. She’d let him go, but she should have known he wouldn’t take her seriously. But what could she do? Coming to his cemetery was always going to be risky; but despite whatever was rocking her private life, she still had a duty to patrol and with his state of mind, she couldn’t expect him to just clear the place out for her. With a world-weary huff then, she steels herself for the inevitable and stomps after her stalker to remind him once again that their thing, their whatever it was, it’s over.

And there he is. Monochrome beautiful in the silvery light. Sculpted and unreal. He lifts his chin, a defiant and proud creature of the darkness.

But there’s more. In his arms a young girl no older than her sister struggles, the hand over her mouth stifling her screams. Her eyes are wide with terror.

“Let her go! Buffy’s tone is tough, slayerly, brooking no nonsense. It gives away nothing of the betrayal that lances her heart.

However, instead of releasing his victim and pretending that this was an unfunny joke all along, Spike’s only reply is a smile, one that spreads across his face like a gash as his fangs drop and his demon surges forth. He gives Buffy a long look, challenging her not to believe, then sinks his teeth deep into the poor girl’s neck.

Stunned, Buffy babbles, “How? How can you do that?” She has so many questions; the same ones that once led to a house falling down. This time she though she doesn’t have time to ask them; duty takes over and out comes her stake.

Freeing the girl is simple. In theory. Buffy lunges forward, bring her boot down sharply onto Spike’s knee, but his leg is like iron and she feels the shock all the way to her hip. He should be rolling away by now, giving her a string of British expletives and some that he probably made up all on his own, but he just keeps drinking.

The girl is starting to fade, her eyes flickery with blood loss. Buffy tries again, this time with a roundhouse kick that catches him square on the cheek. The kick works; the girl slumps forward and he staggers back into the side of the crypt.

“Are you okay?” Buffy reaches for the girl, but she ducks away.

She clamps her hand to her neck and looks at Buffy as if she is the freak. “Just leave me alone!” she shrieks before shakily taking off into the night.

“I’d get to the hospital!” Buffy shouts to her retreating back. Some people just aren’t grateful for the rescuing. The girl is out through the cemetery gates before Buffy can even tell her to take care or at least get a dressing on the wound, leaving Buffy alone with her Spike problem.

Pursing her lips for a truly epic chewing out, she turns to her ex. “What the hell are you doing? Did the chip stop working?”

Spike says nothing. His grin is bloody now. Rivulets run and drip from his lips. He takes a step forward…

Then his head falls off.

“Spike!” Buffy screams, otherwise frozen with the shock. The previous couple of minutes are suddenly forgotten as her heart tears into two. “Oh my god, Spike!”

“What is it? Buffy!” Spike’s voice comes from behind her, but he can’t be there, he’s, he’s-

She turns. Spike really isthere; his fingers, usually so clever and nimble as they ran over her skin, are fumbling with the buttons of the shirt he’s thrown on. His feet are bare. He’s looking all too hopeful, but right now all she feels is relief.

And puzzlement. “You… you aren’t dead! Ugh… More dead.”

“You alright?” He’s as confused as she is. “Or have you finally gone round the twist?”

Buffy nods dumbly. Waves her hand to where her vision in the moonshine had met his grisly end. “But you were right there and…”

When she looks again, Spike’s lifeless eyes stare back at her from the grass, the face slack and frozen in that nightmare grin. His head has rolled to the edge of the neatly tended bushes, threatening at any minute to tumble back into the thorny clutches of the roses. His body… well that hasn’t moved. It stands there, twitching slightly, looking about as confused as a headless copse is capable.

“Bloody hell.” Spike’s face – the real Spike’s face, she assumes– can only be described as ‘a picture’. “It’s a robot. I‘m a sodding robot.”

~*~

It turns out putting robot Spike back together again is an easy fix. Once Spike has fished the head out of the decorative shrubbery and Buffy has manhandled the body into the remains of Spike’s crypt, it only takes a moment for Spike to figure out how to reunite the two by fitting the head back onto its neck attachment. After all, he not only knows his way around a Buffy, but a Buffybot too. However, as the hook on the body end slots into place, it’s obvious something about the mechanism has been broken by her kick. The head is loose and hangs oddly, and as it powers up again now it’s reconnected to its power source, it wobbles as the robot tries to rearrange its face back to human.

Buffy crosses her arms. She wants answers and she wants them snappy. Anything to cover up the shock of the concern she’d felt. Her hands are still shaking; she’d thought she’d lost him for good. “Did you do this?” she accuses the real Spike. “Is this some kind of sick joke?”

Spike looks affronted as he collects some chains from behind a sarcophagus. “Of course I bloody well didn’t.”

But the prosecution isn’t so easily put off. “It’s not like you don’t have a spotty record. Maybe you were planning to go all Terminator on me. Or maybe this is some new twisted sex game you’ve invented. Well, I can tell you right now; I’m not playing.”

Spike drops his eyes as he slips the chains around the robot’s chiselled torso. “I wouldn’t do that, luv. Not again. Learnt my lesson, din’t I? There’s nothing quite the same as the real thing.”

To distract from her blossoming blushes, Buffy tries a different tack, one that won’t lead to more moping and that small itch of guilt she’s been ignoring. She tips her chin at the robot. “Does it still work?”

Spike gives her a dark glance, then runs a hand down the robot’s back over its duster, which she can now see isn’t leather at all, but a cut-price vinyl imitation. When he reaches the base of its spine, something clicks faintly under his fingers. “I think there might be a reset button… Ah.”

The robot jerks straight and Buffy is very glad Spike thought to chain the thing up first. It growls and snaps at them both as it pulls unsuccessfully at the chains. It fixes its eyes on her, but now it’s obvious it’s an automaton. Its eyes do not live, or even unlive; these baby blues are manufactured, constructed on a workbench not in a womb. Nothing about the machine is quite fluid enough to convince anyone it was ever human; if she listens carefully, servos hiss and whirr when it moves; there is a mechanical tick where a heart should be silent.

The fangs extend again, descending telescopically from lacquered canines. The eyes switch suddenly to yellow. Then the skin shifts, the metal plates that form the skull under the synthetic skin rearrange themselves, reconfiguring into something like a demon’s bumpies. It’s all very clever really, but not clever enough.

“So where did you come from?” Buffy starts the interrogation. If she is the good cop or the bad cop, she’s yet to decide.

The robot just rolls back its lip in an uncannily familiar sneer and snarls.

“Doesn’t say a lot does he?” Spike is clearly unimpressed. “No one thought to give me a voice chip?”

“If only I could say the same for you.” It’s bitchy and low and rather unkind considering the place they’re at, but she’d thought she’d seen him die and she still needs to get back on track, otherwise she will be back to using him again the moment she lets this façade fall.

Spike looks pained and she feels that niggly guilt again, but she has to keep strong. “Do you think it was Warren?”

“Buggered if I know.” Spike shrugs. “Who else would it be?”

“I don’t know; you’d think there would be a long line for a Spikebot.”She is being sarcastic, but now she’s had the idea, it has a certain appeal: Spike, just the good bits without all the messy parts, like the demon and the clingy devotion and the unwillingness to get a better haircut.

“Why bother,” he hits back, oblivious to the direction of her reverie. “when you can use the real thing?”

Ouch. The retort lands right on its target. Buffy pouts, but she knows she deserves it.

Spike circles the machine; assessing his metallic double rather than continue with their bitchfest. “You really thought this thing was me?” he frowns. “It’s creepy.”

“From a distance!” It hadbeen dark and she’d only caught a glimpse.

“My head doesn’t just fall off!”

Who’s pouting now? She thinks before muttering, “If only.” Spike seems to pretend he hasn’t heard and starts turning out the robot’s pockets. “What are you doing?” she asks.

“Looking for clues. Aha!” Indeed, half a dozen poker chips tumble into his hand.

Buffy smiles, possibly a little too softly and definitely with too much affection, but still a little be proud of his detective skills. “You got lucky.”

But Spike isn’t listening and he doesn’t get to press his advantage; his rant really starts to get going, “Teeth! These belong to Teeth. He’s bloody well set me up!”

Buffy taps her foot, trying again to harden her façade and expecting an explanation without delay.

“It’s a bloody liberty!” Spike’s ire though is nothing less than hypocritical at this point. Turnabout is fair play and everything. “It’s theft. That’s what it is,” he rages. “Of my face! I ought to bloody sue!”

What the courts would make of a vampire filing a suit against a shark-headed crime lord over the use of his likeness on his robotic doppelganger is anyone’s guess and Buffy is half willing to try it out just for kicks, but for now calming Spike down is probably a better idea.

“Spike-“

“It’s got my bloody face!” he continues. “It’s a right fit-up. Wait ‘til I get my hands on that fishy bugger.”

The fit-up iselegant, she has to agree. And if not for one faulty connection, it might have worked, even if the machine has none of the quality of Warren’s usual work. But then to smear Spike’s reputation it doesn’t have to be any more than a killer in the dark with his face. The robot does the dirty work while Spike gets the blame and a stake through his newly-broken heart. Teeth might not get his kittens, but he’ll keep the other players in line.

“Spike!” she tries again, this time yanking his arm to get his attention. “We’ll deal with it.” Yeah, they’ll get that slimy sharkman back for giving her the shock of her life.

Spike calms - a little. “I bet he knew what those eggs were too.”

“Eggs?” She shakes her head, was there something she was missing here? “What eggs?”

He swallows, taking a deep breath as if preparing himself to get into a conversation he’s been avoiding. “The Suvolte eggs, luv. I owed him a couple of tabbies, but the debt got a bit bigger.”

She groans, she knows what’s coming next. “Don’t tell me, you ended up owing him a couple of Maine Coons?”

“Four,” he admits. “Young ones. Right hard to come by.”

Ugh. She can’t believe she’s right. She didn’t think it was possible for her life to get any weirder than it already was.

“So he offers to help me out,” Spike continues, “asks me to look after the eggs. Never once tells me what they were, but I’m in no position to question him. It was only meant to be for a couple of days.”

This does makes some sort of sense now, she thinks. “Then he uses this robot to pose as this ‘Doctor’ Riley said was making the deal when it’s really him who’s the mastermind.”

Spike jaw is tense now, as if he’s about to start throwing punches.

“We’ll deal with it,” she repeats.

He nods and jabs a thumb in the direction of the robot. “And what about my replicant here?”

Buffy makes a big play of musing for a moment. “I can think of a few uses for it; maybe I’ll take it home and see if it really is better than the real thing.”

Spike looks gutted; but, as the robot had earlier, he lifts his chin proudly anyway. There is still some of his old sparkle left in his eye. “I doubt that.”

Okay, Buffy admits, maybe he does have a point.

the end

.</lj>

PARTY!

bogwitch — Sat, 22 Aug 2015 19:05:55 GMT

Nom Nom er Meme

bogwitch — Sun, 16 Aug 2015 14:55:46 GMT

Thanks to whomever it was that nominated Sucker for the SunnyD and Wicked awards. Someone appreciates a little tentacle tickle.

I have also committed memery:

You Are a Creative
Like everyone else, you have a to-do list... but you don't always prioritize getting around to it. You are productive as your spirit moves you to be. Sometimes this means crossing off a lot of items on your list, but other times it means doing something else entirely. You do best when inspiration strikes, and it's hard to predict when that will be. You thrive with flexibility. Interruptions tend to distract you, but sometimes they are a welcome distraction. You do best when you focus on short term goals.

You Are a Creative

Like everyone else, you have a to-do list... but you don't always prioritize getting around to it.
You are productive as your spirit moves you to be. Sometimes this means crossing off a lot of items on your list, but other times it means doing something else entirely.

You do best when inspiration strikes, and it's hard to predict when that will be. You thrive with flexibility.
Interruptions tend to distract you, but sometimes they are a welcome distraction. You do best when you focus on short term goals.

What's Your Productivity Style?

Ha ha ha ha ha. That is so true.

Brit Meme

bogwitch — Wed, 12 Aug 2015 19:26:17 GMT

1. Marmite- love or hate?
Hate. And Twiglets too.

2. Marmalade- thick cut or thin cut?
I have no opinion either way. I don't really eat marmalade.

3. Porridge- made with milk or water?
Milk.

4. Do you like salt, sugar or honey on your porridge?
Nutella! Although I tend to buy flavoured porridges that don't need anything added.

5. Loose tea or teabags?
When I very rarely drink tea, it's Assam or Darjeeling teabags. I tend to drink coffee in preference because I can drink that without adding sugar, though I have weaned myself down to half a teaspoon - anything lower than that and I have to actually start tasting the tea.

6. Where on your door is your letterbox?
In the middle?

7. What's your favourite curry?
Chicken Passanda, though I like the curries of a local restaurant that have lots of fruit and nuts in, I'm not sure what they are though.

8. What age is the place where you live?
It was built in the 1960s.

9. Where do the folks running your local corner shop come from?
They are English in the Co op although there are a few Eastern European employees. I am reluctant to say they are Polish as we have a lot of Baltic people around here as well.

10. Instant or fresh coffee?
Instant, but a decent one like Douwe Egberts.

11. How far are you from the sea?
That depends on where the sea starts in the Thames Estuary. The nearest resort of note would be Southend and that's about 60 miles.

12. Have you travelled via Eurostar?
No.

13. If you were going to travel abroad, where's the nearest country to you?
France.

14. If you're female (or possible even some males) do you carry a handbag?
I have a bag, yes.

15. Do you have a garden? What do you like growing?
I have no garden, I have a park.

16. Full cream, semi skimmed or skimmed?
Semi-skimmed.

17. Which London terminal would you travel into if going to the capital?
Euston. But that's not how I tend to get there. Usually, I drive to Finchley Central and get the Northern Line.

18. Is there a local greasy spoon where you live?
Possibly, I have never looked.

19. Do you keep Euros in the house?
No. I don't have any.

20. Does your home town have a Latin, Gaelic or Welsh alternative name?
No. We are Anglo-Saxon.

21. Do you have a well known local artist or author?
No, there are a few sportspeople and actors from around here though. Plus the only English Pope was born down the road!
ETA: a better list, edited down to poeple I have heard of and that others might have heard of:
Nicholas Breakspear the only English Pope (Adrian IV 1154–1159) was born in nearby Bedmond, a village between Hemel and Abbots Langley (where I used to live).
Roger Moore (born 1927) actor, famous for his roles as The Saint and James Bond, lived in Leverstock Green, Hemel Hempstead in the 1960s.
Dave Vanian lead singer of the Damned, Max Whitlock member of Britain's gymnastics team at the 2012 Summer Olympics in London (he got a surprise Bronze, although I think he doing better than that now) his family live about a quarter of a mile away from me just over the hill.
Anthony Davidson, ex-Formula 1 driver. We have had a few F1 drivers live here, although not currently.

22. Do you have a favourite Corrie character?
Never watched it. I hate soaps.

23. Are your kitchen sink taps separate or a mixer?
Mixer.

24. Do you have a favourite brand of blended tea?
No.

25. What's in your attic if you have one?
I'm not sure. I had most of my stuff brought down from the attic as I can't get up there anyway. There is rumour there might still be a camping stove up there.

26. If you go out for a cream tea, what jam do you like on your scone?
Raspberry, but I'm not fussed if it's strawberry.

27. Talking of scones- scon or scown? Jam or cream first?
Scown. I put the cream first for no particular reason, it just feels more right to me.

28. Barth or bath?
Barth.

29. Carstle or castle?
Castle. Who says carstle?

30. What flavour of crisps do you favour?
I'm not really into crisps, I prefer cheese puffs (even though I don't like cheese).

31. If you go to the chippie, what do you like with your chips?
A little salt if there is a pitta bread or salt and curry sauce if not. I like to put my own salt on as I don't like things too salty. I really hate people putting my condiments on for me.

32. Take away, take out or carry out?
Take away. Chinese or Thai preferably.

33. If you have one, what colour is your wheelie bin?
No wheelie bin, I live in a flat.

34. What colour skips does your local skip hire use?
Yellow.

35. Do you celebrate Guy Fawkes?
I might go a display. I'm not sure I'm 'celebrating' though.

36. Dettol or TCP?
TCP.

37. Do you have a bidet in the bathroom?
No. I like to think I would like one.

38. Do you prefer courgettes or aubergines?
As I have never eaten an aubergine, I will have to say courgette.

39. In the 'real world', do you have friends of other nationalities? Which nationalities?
Not many currently, I know a Czech though. I have had Indian, Filipino and Dutch friends in the past.

40. Do you have a holy book of any sort in the house?
Hmm. I will have to look... No. I have a lot of books about paganism, but nothing that could be considered a holy book.

41. Do you prefer a hankie or tissues?
Tissues.

42. Are you a fan of crumpets? What do you like on them?
They are okay, but there are many other nicer things. I'd probably put Clover on them.

43. Doorbell, knocker or both?
Both. Plus a buzzer.

44. Do you own a car? What sort?
I have VW Bora

45. What sort of pants do you guys prefer? Y fronts or boxers?
Er.

46. Anyone still a fan of suspenders?
I have never worn them.

47. Do you have a favourite quote from the bard?
Not really.

48. Do you like toasted muffins?
Yeah, but I never eat them.

49. Do you think a traditional trifle should contain jelly?
Yes? I'm not a big fan of trifle.

50. Do you attend regular religious worship? Of what kind?
I see Depeche Mode when I can.

That house meme

bogwitch — Sun, 09 Aug 2015 21:01:03 GMT

It may not seem like it, but I am still here!

1. What kind of soap is in your bathtub right now?
A mouldering Dove bar. I don't really use the bath and I use shower gel. It is coconut.

2. Do you have any watermelon in your refrigerator?
Up until an hour ago I had half a melon, but I had to throw it out (see 3).

3. Is there anything mouldy in your refrigerator?
Not now the watermelon has gone.

4. Are there any dirty dishes in your sink?
There is, but they haven't been there very long and they are mostly glasses.

5. What would you change about your living room?
It needs decorating again. I would be nice if it was bigger and less cluttered. That is but a dream.

6. Are the dishes in your dishwasher clean or dirty?
Clean. Hence the the sink queue.

7. Do you have a can of mushrooms in your pantry?
The only cans I have are coconut milk and pumpkin. Why would you have tinned mushrooms, they are terrible!

8. White or wheat bread?
Granary, I have trouble digesting white.

9. What is on top of your refrigerator?
The drawer for the freezer that won't go in because it needs defrosting, a laundry basket and a bag full of crisps for guests.

10. What colour is your sofa?
It was white...

11. What colour or design is on your shower curtain?
It's blue with a ripply pool water pattern.

12. How many plants are in your home?
None. I used to have a palm, but it urgently needed somewhere better to live.

13. How many candles are in your home?
Loads, but I rarely light them except tealight for an oil burner.

14. Is your bed made right now?
No, because I don't want the cat to have a fit on my duvet.

15. If you have a coffee pot, what colour is it?
No coffee pot.

16. Electric or standard can opener?
Some old fashioned thing, I don't open many cans.

27. Comet or Soft Scrub?
Not a clue. Fairy?

28. Is your closet organized?
Nope, everything is stuffed in there.

29. What colour is the flashlight that you use the most?
Green. Though I use a blue UV one a lot for charging up the glow in the dark things around my bedroom at night. I am 12.

30. What kinds of things are in your junk drawer?
Which one? All my drawers are junk drawers.

31. Do you drink out of glass or plastic most of the time at home?
Glass. I have more glasses than I know what to do with.

32. Do you have iced tea made in a pitcher right now?
No. I'm not into tea. I am a bad English person.

33. If you have a garage, is it cluttered?
No garage here.

34. Curtains or blinds?
Both (not on the same windows though)

35. How many pillows do you sleep with?
Six, no seven. One bolster pillow is tucked between the bed and wall to stop the cat (and other objects) falling down the side. Four pillows for the double bed and two extra to curl around/give the cat a platform to see out of the window!

36. Do you sleep with any lights on at night?
No, I need it as dark as possible. But the wi fi light decorates my ceiling. This is very annoying.

37. How many ceiling fans are in your home?
One above the bed.

38. How often do you vacuum?
Not enough. I do sweep though. I have wooden floors.

39. Standard toothbrush or electric?
Standard.

40. What colour is your toothbrush?
White and orange.

41. Do you have a welcome mat on your front porch?
No. The Council took it away as a 'fire risk'. It was rubber.

42. What is in your oven right now?
Baking trays and the grill tray.

43. Is your microwave clean or dirty?
Cleaner than it has been.

44. Is there anything under your bed?
Some spare wooden flooring, a cat bed and usually in the Summer, a cat.

45. Chore you hate doing the most?
Cleaning. I hate cleaning and I'm terrible at it.

46. What retro items are in your home?
I have a lava lamp and I very 1980s black glass drinks cabinet.

47. Do you have a separate room that you use as an office?
I wish.

48. If you have a yard, who mows it?
I have no garden. I have a park mowed by the Council at inconvenient moments.

49. Is there anything on your kitchen floor right now?
An air conditioning unit, a bag of decorating items, a bin bag as it's bin day and I am about to empty the bins.

50. How many mirrors are in your home?
A few. A mirror in the living room which is made of glass tiles and thus is useless as a mirror. A mirror and a mirrored cabinet in the bathroom. Plus various little compact mirrors and a little arabesque one that used to be on the wall, but is now in a drawer.

51. Do you have any hidden emergency money around your home?
No. Not that I would admit that to the internet in any case.

52. What colour are your walls?
Blue. Except the khaki bedroom and the kitchen with is going to be black and grey.

53. Which rooms in your house have wallpaper?
My living room has a horrible blue paper, which was a compromise at the time. My bedroom has a textured paper from the previous owner that needs to go but will be a nightmare to remove. I will (okay my dad will when he's free) be putting up a black glittery paper in the kitchen very soon.

54. Do you have a peephole in your front door?
Yes, it's very useful for spying on my neighbours when they are arrested (yes, this happened).

55. Do you keep any kind of protection weapons in your home?
No.

56. What does your home smell like right now?
Nothing. Occasionally I use a scented candle.

57. Fave candle scent?
Pumpkin spice or caramel.

58. What kind of pickles (if any) are in your refrigerator right now?
This will never happen - except, I do have some easy ginger/lemongrass/garlic/chilli/galangal - those are probably pickled.

59. Who are in the pictures you display?
I have an embarrassing one of my mum from the 1970s.

60. What colour is your favourite bible?
I have a black Wiccan Bible. As an atheist, I don't have any interest in the Christian one. Tbh, I don't have a lot of interest in the Wiccan one these days.

61. Do you have plenty of cabinet space in your kitchen?
No!

62. Ever been on your roof?
No. I would never have the desire.

62a. Do you own a stereo?
Yes. Two. But I rarely use them.

63. How many TVs do you have?
One.

64. How many house phones?
One line, but two phones.

65. Do you have a housekeeper?
I want, want, want!

66. What style do you decorate in?
Late period Lisa ecclectic.

67. Do you like solid colours in furniture or prints?
Solid colours. I'm not into prints, but I have an exception for these cushions that I made with no skills whatsoever with hot glue (they aren't going to last long though):

They glow in the dark too. did I mention the 12 thing?

68. Is there a smoke detector in your home?
Yes.

69. In case of fire, what are the items you would grab if you only could make one quick trip?
Cat. My back up drive for my pc. Car keys.

70. Do you know how to work your electrical box?
Not really. I was shown...

71. What temperature in your home is most comfortable to you?
23 degreesish. Not the 27.5 it is currently. The air con might be coming out of the kitchen.

Oh no!

bogwitch — Wed, 20 May 2015 20:37:25 GMT

My cat has been vamped!

It explains a lot.

The Ultimate Unloved CD Review Project, Part 2

bogwitch — Tue, 14 Apr 2015 21:29:14 GMT

More CD reviews of CD in my collection that I haven't listened to properly.

The Horrors, Primary Colours (XL, 2009)
Utter disappointment in the band’s change of direction made me ignore this album. I loved Strange House’s psych rock and I just couldn’t understand why they would want to become a pale version of Echo and the Bunnymen, but I do like Echo and that overall Post-Punk sound… Therefore this time through I will try to assess the album as if they are a different band.
And that works, although I still can’t see why this was nominated for the Mercury Music Prize, it’s not that good. Even after a few listens although each song is decent enough, nothing particularly sticks out until Track 4, Do You Remember, which is a bit of racket but that’s in its favour. New Ice Age though is a cracker as is I Can't Control Myself which harks back to the OCD theme of the previous album.
There are no bad songs here exactly, except perhaps I Only Think of You, which is a bit of a dirgy let down, but not much that’s great. Shame.
Strange House is still heaps better, but I might consider getting their third album Skying after all.
Except I haven’t.
Standout new to me track: New Ice Age
Score: 8 out of 10

Urusei Yatsura/We Are Urusei Yatsura (Che Records, 1996)
Very much mid-1990s pop-indiepunk of the type more exuberantly expressed in bubblegum by Bis, more artfully (mostly) by Prolapse and more successfully by Ash, this is the debut album from the Scottish (not Japanese) band Urusei Yatsura, about which I remember very little. Unfortunately, this album does not include the one Urusei Yatsura song I do remember, Strategic Hamlets. So no lalalala, lalalaLA! for me this time. Uh, I digress...
First Day on a New Planet bounces along very much like Echobelly’s Great Things, but with more noise and less tune, but by Kewpies Like Watermelon and Phasers on Stun, things are starting to improve. After Death 2 Everyone though, which is an abrupt and shortlived change of direction into more grungy territory, things are starting to slide into a forgettable mush.
Overall, this isn’t a bad album; it’s just not very memorable. Individually a few of the tracks are decent enough – I was still humming Kewpies Like Watermelon for a while afterwards – but as a whole I can’t imagine a moment where I would want to listen to the entirety of the album again as the songs fail to hook me in as a collection.
And after all these years, I still don’t know what a kewpie is.
Standout new to me track: Kewpies Like Watermelon (though the yelling is starting to get to me now)
Score: 5 out of 10

The Ultimate Unloved CD Review Project (an occassional series)

bogwitch — Mon, 30 Mar 2015 20:29:43 GMT

To amuse myself (and to have something to post, even though I doubt anyone besides quinara will actually be interested and even then) I have decided to try and get more value out of my CD collection by listening to and reviewing all those CDs I have that are just languishing there unplayed and unloved; who knows there may be some hidden gems just waiting for me to be bothered to find them! After all Spotify managed to get me to engage with a couple of Echo & the Bunnymen albums I didn’t get into the first time round (I missed out on some great songs, what was I doing????), so it could work!

Some words of caution. As my collection leans heavily into Rock/Alternative/Indie these reviews will obviously cover these genres, but there may still be some tentative forays into others. There might also be some embarrassing surprises that will erode my cool a bit (though not as many as there would have been if I had been reviewing my vinyl...). :)

I will try and review a fairly well known* album (er…when I can) and one less so each time. I am not going to review albums I like/liked and know well, nor will I include soundtracks, compilations, greatest hits and live albums (not that I am much of a fan of those). I will also horrifically date myself.

* 'Well known' is a relative term, of course.

Here we go.

KT Tunstall, Eye to the Telescope (EMI, 2004)
I’m surprised this album is quite as old as it is, but in this case I am not sure quite why I own it or what it was exactly that made me think I wanted it, as I know exactly zero KT Tunstall songs. I have never played it either (though I think it was a fairly recent charity shop purchase, so it hasn’t been ignored quite that long).
The album starts with the mediocre Other Side of the World, which is pleasant enough but lacks any great originality. Better is the next track Another Place to Fall, which manages to deliver a bit more edge. I actually quite like Under the Weather for its um raininess, although it’s the shock pleasure of being caught in a brisk shower when you know you have a nice warm fire to return to rather than the gritty, persistent drizzle that pervades the work of say, The Verve or the first Editors album, which is fine in and of itself, but is possibly a bit chirpy for my taste!
By the time I reach Suddenly, I See, I realise that I do know one song, but not one that would have got me particularly interested in a whole album, so that remains a mystery.
In all the album is a bit cheery and simplistic for me, I can pretty much say that it’s just a style that I will just never get into however many times I listen. This is a good album; it’s just not good for me.
Standout new to me track: Under the Weather
Score: 5 out of 10

Verve, A Storm in Heaven (Hut, 1993)
Keeping with the rain theme then, this one is a lot more promising. I have a soft spot for The Verve; Urban Hymns is a great album and I like A Northern Soul quite a lot too and I only got this one fairly recently because I thought I had better have it. However, it got a bit lost in collection and hasn’t really been listened to.
Hmm. This album is very much of its time and reflects a band that hasn’t really found its confidence or its niche. It’s very shoegazey; Star Sail displays the classic shoegaze symptoms of mumbling vocals over a tsunami of crunchy guitar effects, while Slide Away sounds like classic James without the wit. So far so good then; the album might be dated, but I am a bit, so to me these aren’t flaws. They aren’t great songs though, so perhaps there is better to come…
I was quite enjoying The Sun, The Sea - until the saxophone came honking in towards the end to ruin the track like someone let a flatulent goose into the studio. Queue skip button. The next three tracks are pretty samey shoegaze without a lot of personality, then there’s the Indian-flavoured Butterfly, which is by far the best song on the album and it chugs away nicely under until the sax intrudes again, although not as badly as before; such a shame! Kula Shaker did a similar thing better though.
There’s little on this album that stands out particularly to me, but as a kind of white noise, it works and I shall be putting A Storm in Heaven into my writing playlist with Suede and Slowdive for when I actually do some writing.
Standout new to me track: Butterfly (until the saxophone comes in)
Score: 7 out of 10

Interior Design is hard

bogwitch — Sun, 08 Mar 2015 12:12:52 GMT

I need your help peoples!

It’s taken me a while to get around to posting these pictures, but I have been in the process of replacing my kitchen for the last 8 months or so. The new units, etc are in but I still need to decorate. It’s already so much better than what I had before, but I need to finish it now.

But I am having so much trouble choosing the décor! I have gone through ideas for a) aqua blue paint with blue glass titles, b). a mural of a nebula on the biggest wall with black/dark blue titles (a bit to expensive and you won’t see much of the picture anyway), and c) brick effect textured wallpaper with god knows what tiles. All I know is that white/off-white and yellow are my absolute no-nos. Blue is always preferable.Or a dark purple???? I want dramatic and a place for my clock.

Anyway…

Before

So here it is before the transformation started:

This old kitchen was horrible. It was the original from when my flat was built in the 1960s, with Formica worktops held up by a (bent) metal pole, no cupboards worth noting and peeling trim. The only nice bits, the wall cupboards, were IKEA ones I put in when I moved in. It only took 13 years to get the money for a new one.

Excuse the corner of shame there.

New Kitchen

Getting someone to fit the thing for a reasonable price was a bit of a saga, it took ages to find somebody, then they had an accident where a wall unit fell on them and broke his ribs. Eventually he found us a replacement and finally the new kitchen was in.

I am very pleased though:

At least the corner of shame now has the oven in it and can never be again!

(The wandering bin has since found new home, so doesn't sit in the middle of the floor anymore)

So, any suggestions (within my budget budget)?

Six Things Meme

bogwitch — Thu, 12 Feb 2015 23:13:30 GMT

RIP Steve Strange.

Now some nonsense:

curiouswombat gave me the letter G for the six things meme:

Something I hate: Green Tomatoes! Well, all tomatoes really. And most greens.

Something I love: Goldfrapp. I was just listening to them today and realising the song 'Twist' is even more dirty than I thought. Plus Alison Goldfrapp is an alum of my uni (a little ahead of me though)

Somewhere I've been: Germany was just a day trip, so I will say Glastonbury! Both the festival and the town. The Somerset levels are one of my favourite places, when they aren't underwater that is.

Somewhere I'd like to go: There's nowhere beginning with G I have a great hankering to see. The Great Barrier Reef? That has to be better than Glasgow.

Someone I know: gillo is the only G I can think of currently.

A film I liked: G... G.. Gattica? Nah. Ghostbusters! Of course.

If you want a letter, just ask.

Buffy Chit Chat

bogwitch — Sat, 07 Feb 2015 11:05:40 GMT

Eps 1x01 to 1x03

Birthday? Okay then.

bogwitch — Fri, 23 Jan 2015 21:36:38 GMT

I have to confess I'm finding this whole birthday thing a bit meh these days.

Perhaps it's because nothing really happens on them anymore ~~not because I am getting so old~~; I had presents last Sunday (a toaster! a clock! Ah adulthood) and I am going out to dinner tomorrow. And yes, I visited my friend tonight and she treated me to a takeaway, but that's our usual Saturday night transplanted to a Friday. I even went to the shop to buy a cake for afternoon off indulgence, but came out with some Bakewell Tarts and a packet of Wotsits.

Still, life could be a lot worse. Mustn'y grumble.

The Bogwitch Creative Review of 2014

bogwitch — Thu, 01 Jan 2015 22:23:24 GMT

Happy New Year!

This will be even shorter than last year.

Fic

None.

Art

None (sort of – there were lots of banners and things for sb_fag_ends, but nothing proper).

My creative 2014 was really in learning lots of new card making techniques and a little bit of jewellery-making, rather than words; even if I did write a little original stuff for myself to keep my hand in.

I really must finish that epic WIP… And post more than just sb_fag_ends prompts.