The Tangle of my Mind

Fic post: What You Want & What You Need

bluflamingo — Wed, 11 Nov 2015 22:16:51 GMT

For some reason, all the fic in my head is depressing, past-trauma stuff, and clearly the best solution is to write it out and put it into the world. So have a couple-thousand words of FBI profilers and the kind of trauma that hangs around for years; mainly because it's either this or the story where suicidal-Coulson lets himself get killed in the middle of a battle while Clint's listening in. I'm not sure I can bear actually writing that one :(

What You Want & What You Need (2017 words) by bluflamingo
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: Aaron Hotchner & David Rossi
Characters: Aaron Hotchner, David Rossi
Additional Tags: Past Rape/Non-con, Trauma
Summary:

After Maeve dies, Hotch and Rossi deal with the leftover trauma from Foyet and what he did to Aaron; fears, memories, nightmares, and the trauma of never really knowing for sure.

This entry was originally posted at http://bluflamingo.dreamwidth.org/226790.html, where it has comments. I'd prefer comments there, but comments here are loved just as much

bluflamingo — Sun, 18 Oct 2015 19:43:53 GMT

Hi Yuletide author!

Thank you for signing up to write one of my fandoms. I can pretty much guarantee that I'll love whatever you write, so if you've got a brilliant idea that you just love and *have* to write, feel free to do it. If you're like me and find yourself staring at a blank screen really wanting to write but not knowing where to start, hopefully this will help.

Generally I love hurt/comfort, mild angst, positive endings, friendship stories, verbal humour, mild teasing, AUs, future fic, stuff set before the show started, slash/femslash, developing relationships, gen/friendship, caring and affection, queer communities, kid fic, kittens and puppies, bookshops.

I don’t like humiliation, embarrassment, people being made to look stupid, outright humour stories, excessive violence, PWP, het.

Rivers of London
Thomas Nightingale

I couldn't decide who else of the characters were "have to haves" for this fandom, so feel free to pick anyone else to write about with Nightingale.

Nightingale hits all my tragic history, really needs a hug buttons, so if you wanted to write about that - the first few years after the war, pre-war tragic ending relationships - then go for it. I'm definitely down with angst and sadness for this fandom. Alternatively, how Nightingale met Stephanopoulos/Seawoll/Walid/Caffrey/the Rivers, or if you wanted to go future fic and speculate, that's cool too. I'm particularly fond of Nightingale and how he's part of queer London over the years, preferably with no internal self-hating, or maybe they pick up some new apprentices as Peter gets more experienced, and Nightingale ends up being the sore of queer agony uncle for baby queer wizards?

Pairing wise, I could see any combination of Nightingale with the other male characters, or go gen - I'm happy either way.

Flashpoint
Spike
Lou

Another fandom where I'm totally happy for you to go with angst/sadness if the mood takes you - I think the entire team have enough of it! Feel free to bring in any of the other characters, whether they're nominated or not - I love all the characters, though I have a particular fondness for these two.

If you're feeling pairing fic, then I ship Spike/Lou, and I'd love anything that touches on their relationship, pairing or friendship: first meeting, how they got together, what they do when they're not at work, Spike after Lou dies, the two of them meeting each other's parents... Or go AU and don't kill Lou; or indeed go super-AU and have them doing something totally different.

The thing I like best about this show is that they're all really decent people - there's no violence towards suspects of the "oops, did I knock your head against the car door?" kind that you get on other shows. I don't need you to work that into the story, but just avoid them doing violence because they're angry or upset, please.

Mission Impossible movies
Will Brandt

Brandt is my favourite character from the movies, but I like all the characters nominated, so feel free to bring in anyone else who takes your fancy. I pretty much ship Brandt with any of the men in the movies, if you wanted to go pairing, but as with the others, I'm totally happy with gen as well.

In term of prompts, I'd love to read something about Brandt between Julia apparently being killed and Ghost Protocol, or between Ghost Protocol and Rogue Nation. Like the other two fandoms, I'm totally happy for you to go angst/sad fic - Brandt's another character who sort of lends himself to it. On the other hand, go happy ending, and I'll be just as pleased. Does Will have geeky hobbies he engages in when he's not working? Family he sees? Bonding time with the Ghost Protocol team? Or something hurt/comfort on a mission? - though if you go that way, can it be weighted more comfort than hurt please?

This entry was originally posted at http://bluflamingo.dreamwidth.org/226513.html, where it has comments. I'd prefer comments there, but comments here are loved just as much

Are we medicating away sadness? (Spoiler: no)

bluflamingo — Wed, 04 Mar 2015 21:42:40 GMT

In a bid to review my pro-writing blog, here's 500 words of me talking about the current fashion for claiming that mental health treatment is all about medicating away normal sadness.

This entry was originally posted at http://bluflamingo.dreamwidth.org/225430.html, where it has comments. I'd prefer comments there, but comments here are loved just as much

Two new fics

bluflamingo — Tue, 21 Oct 2014 19:40:52 GMT

Two new challenge fics posted recently, one SGA for Rare Characters (on which my recipient has thus far failed to even kudos, which bugs the hell out of me - even if you hate it, I wrote it for you, you could at least say thank you! Rude!), and one for the Marvel Big Bang (with awesome art by sian1359):

News From The Front (1507 words) by bluflamingo
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Stargate Atlantis
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Author Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: Carson Beckett/Laura Cadman, Laura Cadman & Evan Lorne, Laura Cadman & Katie Brown
Characters: Laura Cadman, Katie Brown, Evan Lorne
Additional Tags: Post Episode: s03e17 Sunday, Friendship, Past Relationship(s), Background Character Death
Summary:

Even after leaving Atlantis, Laura keeps up with what's happening to Carson; covers Sunday - The Kindred

Angel in the Architecture (10778 words) by bluflamingo
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Captain America (Movies)
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Clint Barton
Characters: Clint Barton, James "Bucky" Barnes, Natasha Romanov, Maria Hill, Sam Wilson (Marvel), Steve Rogers
Additional Tags: Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Mission Fic, Identity Issues
Summary:

Off the grid on a mission gone awry, the first thing Clint knows of the downfall of SHIELD is when his rescuer, James, hands over a newspaper article. James knows way more about Clint than he should, but Clint recognises the way James seems like he's running from something, and anyway, it's not like he's got a better bet for getting out of the country. So that's what his life has come to: fleeing the country in a train car, sleeping with an ex-brainwashed assassin - and then Natasha and Steve show up.

MBB is also the first time since... I don't even remember when... that I posted directly to LJ - oh my god, what did they do to the posting interface?! Let a gremlin nibble on it? I have no idea how it's meant to work any more

This entry was originally posted at http://bluflamingo.dreamwidth.org/224143.html, where it has comments. I'd prefer comments there, but comments here are loved just as much

Yuletide letter

bluflamingo — Sun, 19 Oct 2014 19:12:41 GMT

Hi Yuletide author!

Thank you for signing up to write one of my fandoms. I can pretty much guarantee that I'll love whatever you write, so if you've got a brilliant idea that you just love and *have* to write, feel free to do it. If you're like me and find yourself staring at a blank screen really wanting to write but not knowing where to start, hopefully this will help.

Generally I love hurt/comfort, mild angst, positive endings, friendship stories, verbal humour, mild teasing, AUs, future fic, stuff set before the show started, slash/femslash, developing relationships, gen/friendship, caring and affection, queer communities, kid fic, kittens and puppies, bookshops.

I don’t like humiliation, embarrassment, people being made to look stupid, outright humour stories, excessive violence, PWP, het.

Requests for reference:
1. Grimm (Nick Burkhardt, Monroe, Hank Griffin, Rosalee Calvert)
My favourite moments of the show are when they're all sitting around having dinner or discussing a case or working in Rosalee's shop or the trailer, so I'd love if you incorporated some of that. I also love all the different wesen, so if you wanted to invent (or bring back) some wesen, please do - especially 'Hansel and Gretel' from season 1, or the bird solider woman from season 3. I know Juliet wasn't nominated, so no worries if you prefer not to include her, but if you'd like to, please do.

In terms of more concrete prompts: Rosalee and Monroe schooling Nick and Hank (especially Hank) in wesen-lore. Rosalee saving the day with a potion. Nick's mom comes to visit with the baby. Hank/Rosalee/Monroe first time (or established relationship). Nick and Rosalee working together while Hank and Monroe work together.

2. Hansel and Gretel Witch Hunters (Hansel, Gretel, Mina)
I love how goofy this movie is, and how they just embrace the goofiness. I love how Hansel's a total dork and Gretel is completely badass and Mina is sweet and tough, so anything that showcases some or all of that would be cool.

Specific prompts: Post-movie, Mina didn't die, and she and Gretel hook-up. AU of the movie where Hansel's the witch and Gretel sleeps with Mina (yes, I'm a huge fan of Mina/Gretel femslash!) Pre-movie, Hansel and Gretel meet Mina somehow (searching for a cure for Hansel's sugar sickness?) Hansel and Gretel between the first witch and the movie. One or all them get turned into animals/kids/each other (body swapping).

3. Mission Impossible (William Brandt, Jane Carter)
I like Will and Jane because they're both a little messed up and a little prone to doing slightly stupid things as a result and good at their jobs in a sort of dorky on-the-edge-of-messing-it-up way. I also like it for the weird funny moments (the camel, Ethan and Will trying to catch the train).

Specific prompts: how about Will's story from thinking Julia was killed to the movie? Will and Jane undercover together and/or bonding over their on the job traumas. What if Will went back to being an analyst after the movie, or Jane decided to take a break from missions and do something else (training new agents, maybe?) Jane and Will end up raising a kid together (as friends, not a couple - in my head, Will's gay).

4. Maleficent (Maleficent, Aurora, Diaval)
I love the relationship between Aurora and Maleficent, and the little family they make up with Diaval. I think the whole movie is beautiful, especially the fairy world, and I love Diaval's transformation.

Specific prompts: really, anything about what happens after the movie would make me happy. Maleficent/Diaval slow-burn courtship. Maleficent and Arurora bonding. Aurora gains the ability to turn into a bird and goes flying with Diaval and/or Maleficent. More cute moments between the three of them when Aurora's little.

This entry was originally posted at http://bluflamingo.dreamwidth.org/223759.html, where it has comments. I'd prefer comments there, but comments here are loved just as much

bluflamingo — Mon, 25 Aug 2014 19:26:43 GMT

I'm going up north (of England) in a couple of weeks for a few days' holiday, and will be flying because it's much cheaper and quicker than taking a train. I'll also be going with only what I can get in my cabin bag, since I refuse to pay half the cost again of the flight to check a bag.

As a result of this, and because my parents owed me a birthday present, I just bought a Kindle.

And realised that, although I own a lot of books, I don't really read books all that much any more, and hence have no idea what to throw onto it.

Help?!

I mostly read non-fiction when I read, especially the sort of pop-science/pop-history stuff that got popular a few years back. I've just finished Bill Bryson's account of a year in US history (and lent it to my dad, so I can't check what year!) and I've read some good stuff about women in the second world war, especially the spies. I like stuff about explorers, and women who take on physical challenges, and anything about science or language written for a lay person. Also histories of gay and lesbian people, and books about equality and feminism and women's rights movement. Fictionwise, I'm really picky, but I mostly like fantasy and crime. Or crime-fantasy. Police procedurals generally over private detectives, and definitely no little old ladies solving crimes. Female characters over male generally, and LGBT characters (or heavily sub-texty) if I can get them. Fantasy, I'm about halfway through the Temeraire series and loving it, re-read Garth Nix's Sabriel series until the books fall apart, and loved Trudi (Tracey?) Canavan's magicians academy stuff the first time I read it (then realised the main character is the classic girl who's special cos she's like the boys, and that all the characters except her are men).

Any suggestions for what I might download? Books you've loved? Good sites for searching for ebooks - I tried Amazon, but are there others?

And if you'd like to leave a couple of character names and a prompt with your suggestion, I will very happily write you something short in return!

This entry was originally posted at http://bluflamingo.dreamwidth.org/223106.html, where it has comments. I'd prefer comments there, but comments here are loved just as much

Advice please?

bluflamingo — Sat, 02 Aug 2014 20:26:20 GMT

A friend of mine (who I haven't seen in the better part of a year, since she got a girlfriend) got in touch with me this week, hey, how are you, let's catch up, to which I said yes, definitely, coffee this weekend, and so we set it up for this afternoon.

She rocked up with her girlfriend, which she hadn't mentioned doing at all, and didn't say anything about (other than introductions). Definitely wasn't an unexpected thing that she was around and hence invited along. Having never met her girlfriend, and not even knowing in advance that they were still together (and because I was expecting to have coffee with my friend, not meet a new person), I was slightly thrown.

I guess some people just assume that you means you-and-your-partner but she's the only friend I have who's ever made that assumption, and I'm not up for having friend time co-opted into friend and partner time, as nice as her partner seems to be. I get that sometimes she'll bring partner, of course, but I don't see that it's just a standard thing that doesn't rate any kind of conversation. Plus, my friend brought up a couple of things that are too personal for me to talk about in front of her partner who I don't know, and it felt like I was expected to entrust her with this stuff as much as I do my friend, despite her being a stranger to me (maybe because my friend trusts her and considers it transitive? Or just didn't think?)

Question is: how do I say this to my friend in a way that won't sound like I don't like her partner? Especially since her partner lives in another town, so I guess they spend their entire weekend together, and I kind of feel like a mean bitch for saying, actually, can it just be you and me (other than the obvious solution of only asking to do things on week nights, when I assume that they're not together).

This entry was originally posted at http://bluflamingo.dreamwidth.org/222279.html, where it has comments. I'd prefer comments there, but comments here are loved just as much

Avengers: Slipping Away (Clint/Bucky)

bluflamingo — Mon, 28 Jul 2014 20:17:47 GMT

Slipping Away (741 words) by bluflamingo
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Clint Barton
Characters: James "Bucky" Barnes, Clint Barton, Phil Coulson
Additional Tags: Past Clint Barton/Phil Coulson, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier
Summary:

Clint finds out that Coulson's alive; Bucky provides much needed comfort

Slipping Away

Bucky knows that it's true the moment Clint walks through Bucky's apartment door, because Clint almost never comes to Bucky's floor without explicit invitation, and he never lets himself in, despite having the digital equivalent of a key.

Bucky would know even without that, though – it's written in Clint's betrayed, closed off expression, the hunch of his shoulders and the way he comes to a stop a few feet into Bucky's place, like he doesn't know what to do with himself.

"It's true?" Bucky asks, for want of anything else to say.

Clint nods, says, "He's alive," in an utterly flat voice. Bucky still can't always get his head around the future and being a person, but Clint may actually look worse than Bucky thinks he did when he realised Steve was alive. Bucky knows how to do this part, with a careful hand on Clint's shoulder, steering him into the living room and down onto the couch, where he huddles against Bucky with a small, wounded noise, and Bucky holds onto him and lets him shake and shake, like maybe he won't ever stop.

Natasha told Bucky a little about Clint and Loki, back when Bucky was first in the Tower and completely not ready to go see Clint, and then Steve told him about one of the agents who died, Coulson, that he was close to Clint and Natasha for a long time. Clint doesn't talk about Coulson, or at least he doesn't talk about Coulson to Bucky (some days, Bucky finds Sam and Clint sitting close together on the roof of the Tower, leaning into each other and talking too quietly for even Bucky's hearing to pick up. Those are the nights that Clint knocks Bucky's door and curls close in his sleep, and Bucky doesn't ask because that's part of how Clint and Sam make sense to each other, just like Natasha's turned out to be Bucky's kindred spirit in all things Russian mind-control).

"He said that he was glad to see me," Clint says. "That he's glad the Avengers are sticking with the new SHIELD and... I don't know why he didn't call before. I don't think it occurred to him."

He sounds exhausted and defeated and under all of that, just sad. And maybe Bucky shouldn't ask, but also maybe it needs to be said, and Bucky's going to have to be the one who says it. "You and Coulson – you were together?"

"Yeah." Clint smiles, which looks like it hurts a lot. "Not so much towards the end, cause he got kind of serious about the cellist, but for a long time before, yeah. Not – we were friends, but we..." Clint trails off into a vague yet explicit gesture. "I thought we were friends," he adds. "Maybe I was wrong."

Bucky understands feeling like the best thing you can do is stay away, except he doesn't understand what Coulson did, because Bucky managed a few weeks after he realised who he was, and then he just wanted to go be with Steve. And he wasn't even like that with Steve; he can't imagine just walking away from someone without a thought.

"I'm sorry," he says, because he wants to say that the Avengers don't have to work with SHIELD, that they don't have to work with Coulson, that they can go kick his ass if Clint wants, but he knows Clint well enough to know Clint will feel like he has to defend Coulson if Bucky says any of that, and this is a mess already, without Clint feeling like he and Bucky wound up on opposite sides somehow.

Clint closes his eyes, leans his head against Bucky's shoulder, and says, "I miss him," his voice gone small like he's afraid of the words. Like he's afraid Bucky's gonna laugh or something, even though Clint held onto Bucky while he cried after Steve told him about Peggy, how she wasn't dead like Bucky figured, just slipping away, and never said anything about how Bucky ought to be grateful she wasn't gone completely.

"I know," he says quietly. He tips his head, just enough to rest his cheek against Clint's hair, and it takes a while, but eventually, Clint sighs out a long breath, some of the tension easing out of him, and Bucky figures that, even if he doesn't really know what he's doing, he must be doing kind of okay here.

This entry was originally posted at http://bluflamingo.dreamwidth.org/222024.html, where it has comments. I'd prefer comments there, but comments here are loved just as much

Now where's the list so I can cross stuff off?

bluflamingo — Sat, 19 Jul 2014 22:32:34 GMT

1. Made a clutch purse to take to my friend's wedding in a couple of weeks - so much less difficult than the tutorial made it sound

2. Cut the pieces for the shawl I'm making

3. Bought my first Christmas present this morning - now if I can just manage to keep track of it between now and Christmas...

4. Broke 10k on my marvel big bang fic, and only have one scene left to write.

Feeling very accomplished right now!

This entry was originally posted at http://bluflamingo.dreamwidth.org/221805.html, where it has comments. I'd prefer comments there, but comments here are loved just as much

Help!

bluflamingo — Wed, 16 Jul 2014 18:41:33 GMT

I come to you after an hour of googling and trying things and failing to get anywhere to say - help!

I'm developing a training session about LGBT people and domestic violence, and as part of this I want an infographic to give people a sense of how many LGBT people, and how of these survivors, there are in Bristol.

What I want, ideally, is a series of icons of people, some of which I can make a colour to indicate LGBT, and some of those another colour to indicate survivors of domestic violence. In an ideal world, it would be animated, so I could click and each block would change colour as I went - so I could start with all people green, then make LGBT people blue etc.

Is there a tool that I can use to do this simply, without having to pay a fee, and without feeling like I need a degree in graphic design to make it work? I know there are masses of infographic templates out there, but I can't seem to find one that will just do this.

If not, it's going to have to be a graph, but I love the idea of little people, and so I figured if anyone would know, it would be you all. So thank you, in hopeful advance.

This entry was originally posted at http://bluflamingo.dreamwidth.org/221685.html, where it has comments. I'd prefer comments there, but comments here are loved just as much

Life in a list

bluflamingo — Sun, 06 Jul 2014 10:38:10 GMT

Life has been a little crazy since... oh, February, maybe... but I miss you all, so I'm going to try to actually post something occasionally. In the meantime, have a list:

1. I passed my PhD upgrade panel! (In case I never said, I'm a part-time PhD student alongside working full-time, looking into service provision for female victims of domestic violence from a same sex partner). It basically means I can now seek ethics board approval and do the research part - eep!

2. My landlord decided in May to evict me (apparently, I'm supposed to just live with water coming through the ceiling and not complain about it?) so I ended up moving in something of a rush to a fairly tiny flat that I nevertheless love - I keep telling people it's the best decision I was ever forced to make when I didn't want to

3. I've been making some clothes, since I like to sew, and I hate to clothes shop. So far: one dress with shirring top (out of purple fabric with squirrels on it); one blue and purple patchwork skirt (oh my god, that took FOREVER); one very bright wrap around skirt; a tea dress with tea pots fabric (about three quarters done, but needs another panel to make it long enough); and a panel skirt that I figured out myself, and which is hence driving me slightly crazy. Next up is a shawl to wear to my best friend's wedding (over the dress a friend is making me), a bag for the same, a circle skirt out of green floral fabric, and a halter top dress that's suitable for work. Plus, if the latter works out, another version in purple camouflage fabric. Oh, and a baby quilt for a quilt show.

4. Job interview tomorrow, eep. and extra eep because I bought a new dress to wear, but it's white with black flowers and I just got my period - slightly risky?

5. My marvel big bang fic is almost finished, but I think I want to write a companion piece to go with, because then I can write Natasha and Sam and Steve and Maria Hill being smart and awesome and coming to the rescue. Fifty days is plenty of time though, right?

6. I still haven't finished my beginners archery course, mainly because it's on Sunday mornings and I'm not very good at mornings even on weekdays. Does anyone have any good suggestions for making myself get up and go?

This entry was originally posted at http://bluflamingo.dreamwidth.org/221184.html, where it has comments. I'd prefer comments there, but comments here are loved just as much

Mostly thinking about loud

bluflamingo — Tue, 03 Jun 2014 19:16:44 GMT

So, today I interviewed for a job, and then I got offered it.

Which would be a good thing, except that I'm not sure whether or not I want it.

The backstory to the dilemna is that a year ago, I took a job I love, part-time alongside another part-time job, then in August I got made temporarily full-time in the job, with the expectation/hope that this would become a permanent thing. Then we went through a restructure and I got told, nope, I'd have to go back to part-time, except I don't have my other part-time job any more, and I can't afford to be on three days a week.

To add interest to the whole thing, I applied for a secondment while the restructure was in progress, and got offered it. I just started two and a half weeks ago. It's got six months, and there's not much chance of it being extended, but they might be able to make up the additional two days for me. They're also paying more than my substantive job.

With all this happening, I started applying for other jobs, with a view to (a) getting a permanent full-time post and (b) getting a job that pays more than I'm currently on and is a step up. In case things all fell through, I also applied for the job I just got offered today, which is basically my substantive post for a tiny bit more money with another council.

Everyone still with me?!

Pros to taking the job include: I'll have a permanent job, the people seem really nice, they've just been restructured so I'm not going to be restructured again in the next six months, I'd like the job, it's reasonably convenient for where I'm moving to (did I mention I'm moving this weekend because my landlord evicted me?)

Cons are: I've got six months in my secondment so I don't need to panic yet (especially since this is my first application and interview), my secondment pays better, I've put in two applications for better jobs that I'm waiting to hear back on, I'd need to stay at least a year before I could realistically think of moving to something better.

Plus, taking the offer feels like the safe option, rather than the scary stretch option. OK, maybe I don't get offered anything else and then I have to panic. But I want a better job on enough money that I feel secure, where it's a stretch from what I'm doing. And I just want to do the risky thing for once; what's the point of being single and dependentless if I can't?

All of which comes down to - I should take the offer, but I think I'm going to turn it down and hope that I can get something better.

Tell me I'm making the right decision?

This entry was originally posted at http://bluflamingo.dreamwidth.org/221064.html, where it has comments. I'd prefer comments there, but comments here are loved just as much

Captain Ameria: The Winter Soldier

bluflamingo — Wed, 26 Mar 2014 22:13:34 GMT

Because I went to see it after work tonight, and it really upset me - crying for forty-five minutes straight upset, which is way out of the ordinary for me and an action movie.

Cos, I mean, it's a great movie. I love Sam the Falcon, I love Natasha and her sense of humour and desire to set Steve up with someone. I even loved Steve, who I'm not a huge fan of. When the police car hit Fury, I actually jumped - totally didn't see it coming. I'm so thrilled that he lived, and I loved the hints of his relationship with Natasha. I loved Natasha sneaking in as someone else, I loved Hill getting them free, I loved that it was funny, I loved the strike team at the beginning (though less so when they turned out to be bad guys) and I loved the real SHIELD agents standing up at the end.

But... the whole thing with SHIELD being infiltrated by Hydra, and Sitwell being Hydra (where the hell did that come from?! I was so sure it was going to turn out he was a double-agent for SHIELD and not really dead) makes me really sad and I don't quite get why. Maybe because I read a lot of fic where SHIELD was the first safe place for people like Natasha and Clint and now it's all gone - I mean, Natasha basically said that. Maybe because I can't figure out how Agents of SHIELD works in line with what just happened, and what happens to all the SHIELD agents who weren't Hydra.

But yeah - talk to me about it if you've seen it, before I have to explain to my work colleagues why I'm so upset over a movie.

This entry was originally posted at http://bluflamingo.dreamwidth.org/220693.html, where it has comments. I'd prefer comments there, but comments here are loved just as much

Progress on my 2014 list

bluflamingo — Fri, 14 Feb 2014 23:04:39 GMT

My sister tells me I can't call it a bucket list if it only applies to one list, even if it is a list of things to do before 2014 kicks the bucket, so now it's just a list of 20 things to do except there's only 19. Which is not as catchy!

Regardless, I'm making some progress on it:
1. My coffee table is now covered in a shiny layer of map pages, which had the added bonus of enticing me to tidy away all the crap that lives on it, which spiralled into a fullblown cleaning and reorganising of my flat

2. My footstool is repainted and waiting for a new fabric cover - as soon as I find instructions that don't seem to require a degree in upholstering science, that is!

3. For volunteering, I've walked the little Westie twice now, though last night we got caught in a sleet shower, which she seemed to think had been sent especially to amuse her. I was less amused.

4. PhD upgrade is set for April, final data tbc, oh God what am I doing?!?!

5. Five out of ten stories submitted: so far, two accepted, one rejected, and two pending.

I've also finally put the edging on the last two (of four) place mats I started when I bought a new kitchen table last summer (oops) and made up a cushion that I half-did before Christmas. This weekend will be more of my friend's wedding quilt - four rows of seven done, and I bought the backing fabric when one of my favourite fabric shops had a one day sale; taking the recycling before it takes over my flat; possibly more chopping down in my allotment; and tomorrow I'm going to a soapstone carving workshop which should be fun.

Plus, somewhere in there I have to do a chunk of my upgrade paperwork, and I really want to make a start on this Avengers fic idea I've got... Yeah, maybe I need a shortlist!

This entry was originally posted at http://bluflamingo.dreamwidth.org/220344.html, where it has comments. I'd prefer comments there, but comments here are loved just as much

bluflamingo — Sun, 26 Jan 2014 19:42:19 GMT

How is it nearly February already? My birthday is less than a week away, and it feels like we just finished Christmas. I drove past a house with a tree still in the window *last week* - which, okay, may be more random than indicative of anything, but STILL. Can we slow down a bit please?

I bought a DVD of the best of Riverdance which arrived on Friday night, so I may have spent more of my weekend than is entirely reasonable watching that. I've seen the show live twice (and am just waiting for ticket sales to open so I can buy a ticket for when it comes back at the end of the year) and watched it twice when I've happened to catch it on TV, but in my opinion, there's no such thing as too much Irish dancing in a girl's life.

Though even the cat has abandoned me, so I may be in a minority there.

I've also discovered that it makes very good background music for quilting - the first two lines of my wedding quilt for my best friend are done! It has seven lines of 5 blocks, and I haven't even started the rest of the blocks, but that's not too bad. It's a jigsaw puzzle pattern, so it's not complicated, just fiddly to make sure everything lines up. Gonna be beautiful though, and when it's done, I get to tick something off my list.

On the subject of my 2014 to do list, I've also submitted three stories this year and sold two, and am working on number 4 - injured soldier waiting for his boyfriend to come home hurt comfort, I feel like maybe I wrote this already?! - and I've signed up to volunteer with an organisation that finds people to walk dogs for people who can't anymore. Assuming we get on, I'm going to be walking a Westie once a week - very excited!

How's everyone else's 2014 going?

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Agents of SHIELD

bluflamingo — Wed, 08 Jan 2014 19:32:10 GMT

I'm swearing off SHIELD until they resolve the current arc with Coulson and Skye - it is way too sad for me to handle, and no-one even gets a hug at the end to make them feel better.

But seriously - Coulson's post-death trauma is way more than I can handle - very well done, but way too effective, and next week doesn't look like it's going to get any happier either.

I'm just gonna watch the first few episodes when they were mostly happen until the sad stuff is over.

Someone'll let me know, right?

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Hi, world, hi!

bluflamingo — Fri, 03 Jan 2014 19:23:25 GMT

So, the windy weather round here froze up my router over Christmas (don't ask me how that makes any sense, but apparently it's what happened) and I've been internetless until today. On the bright side, the company replaced it for free, and, even better, replaced it with a wireless router.

Big smiles.

What've I missed in the intervening period?

Here's all the things I've been wanting to post and not managed to:
1. Happy new year! 2013 was much better than 2012, but here's hoping for 2014 to be even better.

2. I wrote two stories for the be_compromised Christmas exchange, which are still anonymous. If you want to try to guess which two, I promise a prize for the first to guess... not sure what it'll be, mind.

3. I also wrote a last minute pinch hit for yuletide, which, embarrassing confession, I thought the character in the prompt was someone else when I snagged it, and didn't realise till I got home that night that it was actually someone else who appeared in the books I hadn't read yet. Bad bluflamingo! But it got more kudos than I've had on anything, possibly ever, so... make of that what you will!

4. I don't usually bother with new year's resolutions, but this year, I made

1. Make paella, bread, jam and pizza. Paella because I've said for years that if I ever host Christmas dinner, everyone's getting paella, not turkey and stuffing, and this year I realised I've never actually made paella. I've also never hosted Christmas dinner and probably never will, but there we go.

2. Plant my allotment. Well, after I finish clearing it, which I would, if it ever stopped raining.

3. Pass beginners' archery. I've been twice in four months, and I need 6 classes to pass. I'm going on Sunday though, no matter what.

~~4. Volunteer.~~ Walking a Westie for an older lady - super-lovely way to spend Thursday evenings

5. Pass my PhD upgrade.

6. Submit 10 original stories for publication. Because I used to do this a lot, and was regularly accepted, and then I sort of stopped.

7. Recover my footstool. I bought it at a table-top sale, four years ago, and it's ugly - I bought it to recover. I finally bought material and paint though.

~~8. Cover my coffee table. It's a cheap Ikea thing, but I recently found two road atlases that are out of date, so I'm planning to cover the top with pages from those.~~ Done, and it looks awesome

9. Quilt for my best friend's wedding. I've nearly finished the cutting out, then I have to start the sewing.

10. Write four stories for the lesbian magic anthology I've been talking about for a year and a half.

11. Reach out to the LGBT families magazine in my city to see if I can write for them.

12. Make a scrap quilt out of old scarves and bandanas

13. Reach out to two training organisations to see if I can get work.

14. Work out the details and pitch publishers on two erotic anthologies: Alone Time, and Enthusiastic Consent (title to be amended at some point!)

15. Look into selling some of the crafty stuff that I make.

16. Find a cheaper energy supplier

17. Visit the poison garden at Arnwick

18. See puffins in the wild

19. Finish my lollipop tree picture

20. ???

So, if nothing else, that all should keep me busy!

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bluflamingo — Mon, 23 Dec 2013 22:52:49 GMT

Today didn't get off to a great start - got to work to find out they'd turned off the heat over the weekend and didn't get it turned back on till nearly 11 (great reward for working right up to christmas, thanks, guys!) - and then the day just completely got away from me, because I picked up a yuletide pinch hit despite knowing I'd have about four hours in which to write it (why? why? I have no idea), and also agreed to do a friend a favour that took up one of my precious four hours.

Plus, I had to pack for Christmas, get ready for tomorrow's battle of wills between me and the cat over her going to the cattery, and generally run around like a headless chicken the way I do every time I'm going away for a couple of days.

Regardless, pinch hit is posted, suitcase is packed, favour is done, and flat is more or less in a state to be left for a few days.

Comment replies, final December posting meme post and possibly wailing about why on earth I agreed to go to my family for Christmas to follow tomorrow. Safe travels if you're travelling, and may you have a stress free time of it whatever you're up to!

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Dec 22: Favorite Sheppard/Mitchell relationship scenario

bluflamingo — Sun, 22 Dec 2013 17:00:34 GMT

My cat's gone into hiding, which is probably a sign I've been dashing about too much today. Rosie (the cat) was a rescue when I got her, who was found wandering the streets with no identification or owner, so the home don't really know what happened to her, but I think her family must have moved away and left her behind, because she freaks when there's anything going on that seems like it might be packing. I pulled out all my fabric and sorted it, which is probably close enough for her to need to hide under the bed for a while.

While she's being in her happy place, pacificngal asked me about my favorite Sheppard/Mitchell relationship scenario:

I prefer for them to have been friends, with or without benefits, prior to Stargate, as a general rule, and in my head, they had an on-again-off-again sexual relationship and friendship after meeting early on in their military careers (obviously, well off while John was married). I know we only ever saw them exchange a handful of words on the show, but to me, they didn't seem like strangers, or people who'd just met. But I don't think either one was around for the major crises of each other's lives (Cam getting shot down, John losing his friends and nearly getting kicked out).

For Cam, I imagine that, post-SG1, he gets a new posting in Washington with Homeland Security (since there's no obvious next step for him at the SGC but he wouldn't want to leave the programme entirely, and Landry and O'Neill are probably grooming him to take over command, since Sam doesn't want it). He buys or rents a nice house in Washington with a backyard and gets a dog and basically rises through the air force and the SGC until he had to retire and it's all good.

For John (yeah, I swear I'm getting back to the question!) I'm a little less sure. Like, I think he comes home from Atlantis (because he gets promoted again? Because the IOA or SGC won't let him go back? Because he bonds with his brother while on Earth and decides to stay there? Because of Cam? Because he's tired and decides to leave?) but then I can go either way on whether he stays on with the Air Force (teaching young pilots) or leaves and does something else (gets his PhD and becomes a lecturer who all his students love? Does something that still involves flying? Gets involved with the family business again? Takes a random left turn and becomes something that no-one would have expected?). Either way, he occasionally gets sent back to Atlantis, and they rebuild the bridge, so that Teyla and Ronon can come visit, and when Lorne gets put in charge of Atlantis, he and John email back and forth and John mentors him through being in charge without ever admitting that's what he's doing.

Regardless, I think that John and Cam end up living together in Washington, with the dog. Cam makes friends with all the neighbours and drags John out to shovel for all the older ones, and John bonds with all the kids and disaffected teenagers living there, and they teach him cool tricks on their skateboards.

And everyone lives happily ever after :)

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Dec 21st: Writing

bluflamingo — Sat, 21 Dec 2013 20:25:07 GMT

scrollgirl asked me about writing:

I remember being... maybe 8 or 10, I'm not sure... and writing a short story about three kids (me, my sister, and the son of a family friend) finding a dead body in the back garden and solving the mystery, and that's the first thing I remember writing.

It wasn't very good, but fortunately I think I've improved.

Someone asked me a few years ago where I got ideas for stories, or how I came to be someone who writes stories, something like that. I don't exactly know where I get ideas from, but I do know that, when my sister and I were kids, our parents read to us a lot. Stories were always part of our lives, and so was imaginative play. As kids, my sister and I were really close, more like friends than siblings, and we thrived on 'let's pretend' games. Our dad built us a little Sylvanian Families house (remember those?) and so we made up stories about our toys, and my sister had a baby doll that we pretended was a real baby. I know it's a cliche, but we really were the kids who found the box more interesting than whatever was inside it - because the box could be anything, but the toy could only be what it was meant to be. I think, as I got older, that turned naturally into writing stories.

The other thing I remember from being a kid was telling myself stories when I couldn't sleep. I still do it - when I'm trying to sleep, when I'm walking around, when I'm bored in a meeting. At the moment, it's post-Avengers fic where Clint gets captured and rescued and has a really hard time recovering. Sometimes, like with that one, it's a story I'm hoping to actually write, sometimes it never goes anywhere, and sometimes it's just nonsense, but it's oddly comforting.

I had my first story publication in 2005, in a queer literary journal that no longer exists, about a girl who's partner has just died. I went to the launch event - it was the first issue of the journal - and read part of my story, and the editor introduced me by saying that he'd been moved by my story despite never having met me, and that was part of the power of writing. I remember sitting on the train going home after and thinking, "I want to do this for the rest of my life." Although I haven't exactly made much progress towards that, it's still part of how I think about life. When people ask me what I'd ultimately like to be doing, I tell them it would be a mix of training, lecturing, and writing, and one day I hope I'm going to get there.

I find it really weird to be told that I'm good at writing, even non-fiction - my PhD supervisor keeps telling me how much she likes the way I write, and it's very odd to hear. To me, my writing is nothing special, and being able to tell a story is nothing special - it seems like something that everyone can do. Plus, I don't sit down and think up ideas or anything. I think I've said before that, more often than not, I have the first line and then I just keep going. I don't feel like I make up the story, I feel like it's out there somewhere, and really I'm just writing it down; that's also the reason I get bored with writing something when I know how it's going to end! It's only interesting to write when I feel like I'm being told the story as I write it, so I don't know what happens next.

I used to write pen and paper and then type it up, but that stopped after I wrote a 20,000 word story and then had to type the whole thing in time for a ficathon deadline. Not doing that again! Everything goes straight onto my netbook, with a cut file for anything I take out beyond a couple of lines, just in case I want to put it back again (like my first Atlantis big bang, in which I cut 40k when it came back from the betas, but ended up reusing about 20k of that in bits and pieces. Very glad I didn't just delete it!). I pretty much go from beginning to end when I'm writing, partly because I don't always know what comes after the current scene, and partly because when I do, I use the bits I want to write to get me through the bits I don't but need.

I vastly prefer being given some kind of prompt to being given a blank page and free reign, because that gives me something to stick on my mental pinboard, where it turns into something that I can write. It's why I love ficathons so much, and why, professionally, I pretty much exclusively write to short story anthology calls. Also, I much prefer short story writing to novel writing - with novels, I usually know the ending halfway through, and then I'm bored.

You know, reading through this, the one thing I'm noticing? An awful lot of my writing decisions are driven by avoiding being bored with the process. weird.

This entry was originally posted at http://bluflamingo.dreamwidth.org/218709.html, where it has comments. I'd prefer comments there, but comments here are loved just as much

Day... I have no idea at this point

bluflamingo — Sat, 21 Dec 2013 12:05:33 GMT

Okay, clearly I got way off track with this post every day thing, so I'm dragging it back on track today.

In my defense, I meant to do this yesterday, but I was out till 10pm with a friend and her three year old grandson at an illuminated trail through the woods - from which I thought we'd get home much earlier, obviously.

Anyway...

pacificngal asked me about devices or themes that I'm most knowledgeable about or enjoy writing about most, and the sad truth is, what I know doesn't translate into stories all that well. Things I'm knowledgeable about are: crafting, writing, grammar, sociology, data analysis, feminism... Hard to work those into most stories :) I guess the only thing that sort of applies is that the tendency for most get-together fics to follow a pattern of pining but not speaking up, comical or life-threatening intervention in which feelings are revealed, kissing, date, sleeping together, in love forever the end has kind of started to wear on me, especially as it's nothing like how I'd have a relationship (and because the pining drives me nut, oh my God, use your words!) so I'm hyper-aware of trying not to replicate that when I'm writing stuff. Also, I have no especial desire to have a partner, and absolutely no desire to live with someone (I like my alone time!), so again, that kind of replicates in what I'm writing, to an extent.

Not a very interesting answer, sorry.

pacificngal also asked me about my favourite holiday moment (I assume Christmas?) Holidays are kind of complicated, because of family issues, to the point that I'm still seriously considering staying at home instead of going to my family this year, even though I'm going on Tuesday, so favourite moment is a little difficult. But when we were kids, my maternal grandparents and uncle always spent Christmas with us, so I have generally warm, fuzzy, if vague, memories of them being around, playing board games with us, and of me and my sister waking my uncle up early so we could cuddle with him (he's 12 years younger than my mum, and was single and living with my grandparents at the time, so he was like a fun older brother in some ways). Also of walking back from the corner shop with him one morning after I'd gone with him to buy his newspaper, and him telling me dinosaur jokes. Maybe that's my favourite holiday moment :)

scrollgirl asked me to talk about writing today, but that's a subject I could ramble on at length, so I think I'll go run some errands and come back to it. In the meantime - share your holiday stories? Or your random skills/knowledge? My favourite game with my trainee volunteers, when we were a few weeks into training, was to ask them for the skill or achievement they had that they thought the rest of us wouldn't ever guess, so if you want to play, have at it!

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Day 17: Books

bluflamingo — Wed, 18 Dec 2013 21:22:34 GMT

shinya_diey asked me about books:

We always had books in the house when I was a kid, and I'm the same now, even though I don't read a great deal at the moment. I have three bookcases, mostly non-fiction, recipe books, anthologies I've been published in, and old favourite fantasy fiction.

I remember my parents reading to me and my sister when we were little - she and I got to take turns choosing. My dad read us The Hobbit, and maybe some of Lord of the Rings as well - we taped the cartoon version, and my sister and I watched it till we wore out the tape. My sister liked the Mogg books, and she's named (by me!) after a character in a book I read (or my parents read to me, I guess) a bit before she was born. Apparently, when I was very little, I made my mum read Little Grey Rabbit to me all the time, to the point that I knew if she missed a bit, and would keep reciting the story if she stopped reading.

My favourite book is Cuckoo in the Nest, by Michelle Magorian. I borrowed it from the school library when I was 11 or 12, and then dragged my parents into every bookstore we passed the whole summer, looking for a copy. I still have the same copy, though it's starting to fall apart from being read so much. I also have a much newer copy signed by the author, who I almost got to meet. I volunteered at the Literature Festival near me a few years back, but had to come back to Bristol for one day, for the launch of the project I worked on, which was the day she was at the festival and I missed her. It was a good five years ago, and I'm still bitter, especially since she's never come back.

What else can I say about books? I love secondhand bookstores, and the random things you find there - my dad's Christmas present this year is from a secondhand bookstore. I like older, battered books, ones that feel loved, more than brand new books, and paperbacks over hardbacks, though I'll always try to give a hardback rather than
a paperback as a gift if I can... And that's me and books, I think.

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Day 16: Preferred POV in a story

bluflamingo — Tue, 17 Dec 2013 22:52:27 GMT

pacificngal asked me about my preferred POV in a story, reading or writing, and I foolishly didn't ask her if she meant first/third person, or characters, so I'll just babble a bit and hope I hit what she was looking for (or, if I don't, that she'll poke me!)

I definitely prefer writing in third person - it's been a looong time since I wrote first person, even in original fic - and usually in limited third person from just one character in the story. In fanfic reading, first person isn't my thing at all, I think because it's much more in that person's head and somehow it never quite gets close enough to how I hear that person to work for me. Original fic is different, though anything longer than a few thousand words I prefer third person - and definitely for sex scenes.

My preference by character pov... in Stargate, John Sheppard, Cadman, Lorne, Keller, in Numb3rs, Colby Granger, in H5-0, McGarrett or Kono, in Firefly Inara or Zoe, in Avengers, Clint Barton... I don't know what conclusions, if any, you can draw from that list, but there we have it.

Do other people decide who's pov the story will be from in advance, or just see what happens? The story I'm writing now, and the one I just submitted, the prompter requested a specific pov, which was unusual for me, especially since neither one is someone I write all that often, but generally, I'm not much of a planner when it comes to writing, I just get an idea for a first line and go from there. Doesn't always work, but pretty often for me, and also skips conveniently over 'who's head am I writing in?' so I don't think I have anything wildly exciting to say about how I decide, unless it's because I know it's a story about that person, like my Avengers reverse bang, or a lot of my Cam/John stories, which tend to be as much about John as the pairing.

So there we have it. Now you all talk about point of view characters :)

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Day 15: Dream destination for a vacation

bluflamingo — Mon, 16 Dec 2013 22:14:45 GMT

rubygirl29 asked me about my dream destinations for a vacation:

Number 1 is Canada, and I was saving money and annual leave days with the idea of going in the spring of 2014. But my employer has to lose 800 full-time equivalent jobs, my grade is in the next round of potential redundancies, and no-one knows if I'm going to be able to stay full-time. So I can't afford the money to go to Canada, in case I lose my job :(

In the autumn though, I swear.

Other than that, I would love to go to Iceland - it looks beautiful, and I like the cold. I'd like to go on a cruise in Antarctica - we did a reading comprehension exercise on this when I was in high school, and I've wanted to do it ever since. I'd like to go to Paris, since it's so close and I've never been there - though we nearly ended up there when my dad got lost driving back to the ferry when we were in France when I was a teenager.

So far, my best vacation has been three days, two nights in a log cabin less than an hour's drive from where I live, on the edge of a small fishing lake in early December when it was beautifully cold and frosty. I got a discount voucher for it last December, and there was no-one else staying on the site, so it was quiet and isolated, and I spent three days sleeping, sewing Christmas gifts, and walking around the lake watching robins, it was lovely.

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Day 14: Favourite fandom to write and why/comfort fandom to read and why

bluflamingo — Sun, 15 Dec 2013 19:47:24 GMT

1. I just made honey and ginger cupcakes, and was contemplating lemon icing until I realised they'd basically be cough medicine cupcakes and decided to go with plain icing instead. They're the experimental batch ready for baking cupcakes to take to my family at Christmas - I'm thinking vanilla icing on the real ones, if I remember to buy vanilla extract.

2. I think we're going to be one day behind for the December meme, until the 20th or so when there's no prompt - sorry!

3. rhi asked me about my favourite fandom to write and why/comfort fandom to read and why:

I'm sort of serial monogamist about fandoms - West Wing, King Arthur, SGA and SG1, H50, Marvel Avengers - so I'm usually reading and writing the same fandom at the same time, and then stop for something else. But I think SGA is probably the closest to a comfort fandom to read, regardless, because it's familiar, and I know exactly which authors write the characters how I like to read about them, and don't do anything that I hate reading, or that makes me twitch. Plus, that was the first fandom where I felt part of wider fandom, and made friends, so there's a level of feeling comfortable being back with those people again, I guess.

I don't know that I have one favourite fandom to write, but maybe particular fandoms for particular types of stories? Like, even though I've pretty much stopped writing SGA, I still have a genderqueer Jennifer Keller story bouncing around my brain that I want to write. Avengers, on the other hand, is my go to fandom for post-trauma and recovery stories, and H50, when I was still watching it, was my favourite for writing about the female characters. So I don't know whether that really answers the question or not, but there it is!

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