It's raining and grey.
As usual I had trouble waking up…didn’t get out of bed until 1:20pm. That was bad because I needed to be in Fremont by 2pm for a qigong appointment. I took care of Fishbone’s basic food and water needs, took a shower, then called Lyle to let him know I was going to be late. He was also in heavy traffic, but he got to Master Zhao’s at 2:15pm and I got there at 2:35pm, very, very late. I was still in a daze when I got there and Lyle commented that I looked like I was. Felt so tired. This week hasn’t been the best. How do people handle their lives everyday? L
I was a very bad patient at MZI (Master Zhao’s Institute). Master Zhao and Wendy (?) were helping me, but I couldn’t relax like they asked. I felt afraid of what would happen if I did. Flashbacks, bad memories, etc. then I’d have an anxiety attack or something. It hurts too much inside. I think about 10-15min after the start of the session, I had to sit up and try to regain control of my emotions. I couldn’t stop starting to cry, which I really did not want to do there. Then it got worse for a little before I was able to stop. Such a poop head I am. May be I shouldn’t have gone in the first place? But then again I could feel that Master Zhao was helping me… What to do? If I’m going to be like that every time I go I would be a waste of everyone’s time. I don’t know… If only I knew how things were going to be…
Oh, some things Master Zhao said to me. I think too much, my liver’s infected, my kidneys aren’t functioning very well, I’m having trouble getting good sleep, my heart rate is too fast, my hands and feet are really cold, I get headaches, I feel bloated sometimes during menstruation, discomfort during my period, lower back discomfort, tight/sore (?) shoulders and upper back, I should listen to music and watch movies/TV to distract myself from thinking too much, and I need to relax and smile more. Except for the liver and kidney comments, which I cannot confirm at the moment, I think they’re all true. Oh, and he said I shouldn’t drink or eat cold foods and drinks so much.
Since I couldn’t continue with the treatment today, Lyle and I had a late lunch/early dinner at the Macaroni Factory in MacArthur Ranch. I’m glad that we did. I needed time to calm down and stop shaking. The Pasta Milano dish was good and warm. The coffee was warming too.
I was going to write more, but I’m too tired. Guess tomorrow.
I was a very bad patient at MZI (Master Zhao’s Institute). Master Zhao and Wendy (?) were helping me, but I couldn’t relax like they asked. I felt afraid of what would happen if I did. Flashbacks, bad memories, etc. then I’d have an anxiety attack or something. It hurts too much inside. I think about 10-15min after the start of the session, I had to sit up and try to regain control of my emotions. I couldn’t stop starting to cry, which I really did not want to do there. Then it got worse for a little before I was able to stop. Such a poop head I am. May be I shouldn’t have gone in the first place? But then again I could feel that Master Zhao was helping me… What to do? If I’m going to be like that every time I go I would be a waste of everyone’s time. I don’t know… If only I knew how things were going to be…
Oh, some things Master Zhao said to me. I think too much, my liver’s infected, my kidneys aren’t functioning very well, I’m having trouble getting good sleep, my heart rate is too fast, my hands and feet are really cold, I get headaches, I feel bloated sometimes during menstruation, discomfort during my period, lower back discomfort, tight/sore (?) shoulders and upper back, I should listen to music and watch movies/TV to distract myself from thinking too much, and I need to relax and smile more. Except for the liver and kidney comments, which I cannot confirm at the moment, I think they’re all true. Oh, and he said I shouldn’t drink or eat cold foods and drinks so much.
Since I couldn’t continue with the treatment today, Lyle and I had a late lunch/early dinner at the Macaroni Factory in MacArthur Ranch. I’m glad that we did. I needed time to calm down and stop shaking. The Pasta Milano dish was good and warm. The coffee was warming too.
I was going to write more, but I’m too tired. Guess tomorrow.