.:Let Go:.

bliss089 — Sat, 13 Nov 2004 22:41:42 GMT

bliss089 — Sat, 13 Nov 2004 13:51:40 GMT

This is more technological then burning shit that he gave me...

and I was bored.

bliss089 — Wed, 03 Nov 2004 15:34:06 GMT

son of a crap.

bush won.

kerry was a stud.

Nothingness...

bliss089 — Thu, 21 Oct 2004 16:27:55 GMT

Well...Work is good, school is ok. Grades are fine. I didn't serve a detention and my school's policy is if you don't serve it, you get in-school suspension. So, next wednesday, I have to sit in a hot cave with broken desks. With nothing to do. Except sleep. Oh, and they will let me leave to go to work at 12:30. Thanks...then I will have 8 minutes to eat and get dressed.

I didn't want to serve the detention because I didn't think it was fair. I couldn't find a parking spot because they closed 1/4 of the back parking lot off for the homecoming parade that afternoon. So, I had to park in the last row of the huge front parking lot. In which, made me late to class. I don't think it's fair because I couldn't even go to the parade because I'm in Co-op and have to leave after 5th hour for work.
Do you think thats fair?!? Dr. Pappas didn't care. Grr. Whatever, I will serve it. I have no other choice.

I'm tired of being a loser.

Waiting for something new...

bliss089 — Mon, 11 Oct 2004 18:22:35 GMT

Ugh,

I'm bored with my life.
This weekend kinda sucked. I went to Minneapolis for a wedding. It was fun and all that, but I was just really tired for some reason. I haven't gotten much sleep, and I don't know why. I started falling asleep at my table while everyone was dancing. So, of course, I got teased by Irv, a family friend (whos daughter was getting married). He wanted me to dance with him for fun. I was just tooooo tired, so I got teased more.
What really made my night was when the groom and bride did their little speechs. I felt like crying. I felt really depressed. I got way teary-eyed, and my throat got that choked up feeling. And yeah, guess who I was thinking about. I don't want to say his name because I've been saying it too much already. And I've been trying really hard to not think about him as much anymore.

I want a new beginning to something. Anything.
I miss having that someone that will be there to talk, and will want to listen. BLAHHH!!
Alright on to something different because I can't talk about this shit anymore.

But what could I talk about?

Ohh, at Orange Elemntary (one of my jobs) one of the 2nd graders got up on his desk and started mocking what the teacher was saying to the class, then turned around and said "Kiss my butt!" while spanking his ass!
Haha that was hilarious. Although he started crying and he really is a nice kid. But, his medication got switched so, maybe that had something to do with it.
Also, I will be a mentor for a kindergardener! His name is Jeffery. He is the youngest kindergrader in his class, and no one has been reading to him or working with him! I feel really horrible about that! Who can just ignore a kid?! Aww, he looks so innocent! I start that next week, and I'm sooper excited about that. I'm gonna be his big sister :D ha maybe, if he likes me.

Yay...so thats my life and it sucks.

I'm thinking that something *new* is gonna start...maybe. I'm not quite sure what it will be, but it's growing.

Sitting at school...

bliss089 — Wed, 06 Oct 2004 09:16:08 GMT

Well...Andrew tried to show me how to drive a manual car. Didn't go so great. I'm horrible at reverse. Blah, he didn't give me much time either! That's ok Andrew...you can try to teach me again.
And, of course, the first 3 cars I got while valeting, were MANUAL! But...even the trained workers had trouble with this one truck that was just a piece of shit. Then later, Seth, started talking about how Tom (our supervisor) shouldn't hire people that can't stick shift. Geez...I'm trying :( I thought I could move this truck like 2 feet but noooo... It decided to shit on me.
I gotta work at Orange Elemntary 1-4 then Pipac 5-11. Yeah, this is a busy night. Oh well. I love the money, and I love the job. I'm just pooped. I slept in this morning, missed 1st hour.

Hmm...I need more friends.

Alright I'm depressed I'm gonna go bye.

Grraawww!!!

bliss089 — Sun, 03 Oct 2004 09:29:58 GMT

I need to learn how to drive a stick shift again!
Please! Someone teach me!

Yeah, last night...I got 2 manual cars and I got them started and backed out, but...they died. It was funny when I was trying to take this dudes car, and Josh, one of the guys that work there, was standing in front of the car watching me and smiling at me while I was slamming on the steering wheel, mouthing "Fuck!" every time I couldn't hit it. I finally gave up and called him over. He was just laughing...I was like "Yeah...I thought I could do it."

Later, we had a normal rush...and for some odd reason the waitresses came out to help us. And what really made me mad was they asked the guests if they wanted to valet. Whaaat the FUCK! It's not a fucking option! So half the people parked them selfs. So, therefore, all our tip money was gone. I left early because people wanted to stay really late and get drunk. There was 2 valet parkers left, which was fine because we only had about 9 cars when I left.

Anyways, I'm gonna go to Target.

I LOVE MY JOB!!!

bliss089 — Sat, 25 Sep 2004 20:29:40 GMT

Pipac Centre on the Lake IS THE GREATEST JOB I'VE EVER HAD!!!

I ran around parking all these stellar cars...hanin' out, laughin' with all these great people. Oh my God! My body was sooo sore by the end of the night, but it was totally worth it! We made a total of $371 in tips!! But we spilt it in 7 ways so we all got $53!!! I got to drive a Hummer, new Lexus's with navigation systems that talk to you. It got sooo busy that we just stacked the cars and parked them later in the night. And once that time came, we had to take them to the 2nd parking lot, so we were pretty much racing with everyones cars!
My co-workers are awesome people too...we all get a long!
Yes, yes...such a great time. I can't wait to work again :D

To the girl wearing Ol' Spice...

bliss089 — Thu, 23 Sep 2004 21:08:03 GMT

Thank you Lisa, for doing all that you've done in my life while you have so much to do in yours. You have shown me the way to go in my life, a better path. You are the truest person I have met, and probably will ever meet.
Thank you for helping me with all my troubled times.
Thank you, also, for showing me good times, and introducing me to new experiences.
I don't know how I can ever repay you, except by giving you help back in your time of need.
And I will hold my head up stronger everyday because you have taught me how.
You are going to go far in your life.

I love you.

Thank you.

~Lokai

Yay!

bliss089 — Tue, 21 Sep 2004 20:47:35 GMT

I talked to my friend Eric!! He was online...he hasn't been online since, like, 2 years ago! Soo yeah I decided to say hello.
Aww...he still looks as cute as he did when I first met him. He is 6'3''!
I met him threw CAP (civil air patrol) but now he lives in Maryland :(
I sent him a recent picture of me and he said "daaaammmmmnnnn Lauren" Haha, yeah I've changed.
I had a crush on him and I told him one night at a camp out when we kinda snuck out to go to the little jungle gym area. lol...thats were we made out *blush* I was 14. We are the same age. I miss him...he is soo stellar.
I'm sure he will be excited I wrote a post about him. ;)

Today...I went to the mall after work to purchase black pants, and shoes for my new job as a valet parker! While I was looking around, my cell phone rang, and it was a number that was unknown. Anyways, it surprisingly was my ex golf team member, Alison. I haven't talked to her since April. She then asked me for Andrews number...WTF...Who calls a former girlfriend of his??? IS SHE CRAZY!? Does she want to be slapped! She was yelling at me because she was somewhere loud. I had to yell his number into my phone...everyone in the store was staring at me. She then did this snotty "THHHAAANNNKSSS" soo thats when I decided to hang up. Plain rude. Why would she do that? How did she get my number? I haven't talked to her forever, and she has the nerve to call me?? I instant messaged Andrew when I got home (he was on away) and told him to tell Alison not to call me so I could answer more questions about him. But, I guess she never did call him. She will call him, for sure. Theres no way that girl would not call him. I fucking dispise her now.

Well, tomorrow I am going to Iowa City to go deal with a fuck head. Someone who decided to screw up my family. Soooo, I hope everyone will have a charming day tomorrow.

Good night :)

A girl still in L***

bliss089 — Mon, 20 Sep 2004 20:17:00 GMT

This day would have...

Could have...

Been a day never forgotten.

I wonder if he is thinking about it too.

Awesome day

bliss089 — Sat, 18 Sep 2004 22:25:59 GMT

Yay! I got my tragus pierced!!!

It did not hurt at all!!! It just kinda had a sting, and putting in the jewelery felt odd, and pinchy.
I decided to get a 16 gauge instead of the smallest gauge (18).
Afterwards, I ate and that kinda made it sting because of my jaw moving and all that. It looks really awesome. My parents don't know, but I don't think they will care at all. It's not a big thing.

Andrew came over today also! I had a way good time, I hope he did too. He just decided to come over as a surprise! Well he called me before. Out of the blue. We were wrestling and hanging out, ahh it was great. I love hanging out with him, I miss it. It's always my kind of fun.

Later that night, I hung out with Lisa. We chilled around, she came with me to get my tragus pierced. Then we went downtown to Cup of Joes, and this new wine and chocolate place called Indulgence. Wow, their chocolate was delicious but really over priced. It was ridiculous. Oh well, it was good. Also, they had some college guys that were just guzling down the wine by the bottle!!! Ok...wtf!? Drinking wine isn't suppose to be used like beer!!! Your suppose to enjoy your company with it while drinking it out of WINE GLASSES! Geez... That was just terrible. I mean that place was really classy and everything. They just made it look like shit!
Ugh, oh well. The chocolate was good.

I hope I will see Andrew again soon! Or at least talk to him.
Goodnight.

A tramatizing morning

bliss089 — Sat, 18 Sep 2004 08:37:54 GMT

Craig, my step father...hit my car.

I parked it in the driveway, and this morning when he was leaving for work, he saw it when he opened the garage door but I guess he forgot about it when he backed out his car. It has a pretty bad dent on the front side of it. It's right by my light, it's sinked in but the hood is still straight so it looks werid. He feels horrible about it. We will have to pay out of pocket of course because insurance won't cover this.

Nothing new...

bliss089 — Fri, 17 Sep 2004 20:28:01 GMT

...Except I got a job at the new PIPAC Centre as a valet parker!!
Thats pretty stellar, right? I think I'm the only chick...so I gotta strut my stuff *wink* I start Monday.

School is boring still. I havent quite gotten any senior excitment.
I'm tired from working at Orange Elementary all day today (8-4) So I'm gonna go lay down. I will write more later, I have a lot on my mind
I get my Tragus pierced tomorrow! Wish me luck!

bliss089 — Tue, 14 Sep 2004 14:29:31 GMT

I believe I will be getting my Tragus pierced... :D

You like?
I heard it makes a "crunch" or popping" sound to it when being pierced...mmm.

bliss089 — Tue, 07 Sep 2004 12:20:41 GMT

My events this weekend:

Friday was a really awesome day. Althought it was sooper hot at school. I got to actually see some motocross action...I've never seen anyone ride a motocross bike!! Before I knew it, I was a passenger with 'my friend'. Oh bejeezus, it was GRRREAT fun!!! He told me to hold on tight! It was all sooo fast and energizing, although he probably didn't enjoy me yelling in his ear.
I tell ya...This is such a secret that every girl should know: Go down to the motocross pits...the dudes just strip right then and there. LOL. I was the only girl there. I was like "heh heh, I will just look over here." Then later that night I hung out with Lisa, and I met this Irish guy that was visiting friends this weekend. Including Lisa. He was soooo cool! I sometimes couldn't understand what the hell he was saying, he talked really fast. He was sooo funny though. After awhile, we were driving on University, and I passed Andrew on the other side of the road. I freaked out. Then later I saw him when I park at Village Inn, I believe he was by himself...I got really upset, then depressed. After seeing him, he made my night horrible. Oh well, 'my friend' said to keep my head up and be strong later that night. So that made me feel a lot better.
Ok now Saturday was another great day, I got to hang out with Lisa once she got off work. We went to The Phoenix, a place were high school bands play. I felt kinda awkward being there, I felt "out of the loop." But, it was awesome seeing all these NU people I grew up with, they have changed, a lot. I didn't think they would grow up and play rock.
Sunday-Boring as hell, everyone was busy.
Monday-Spent the whole day hanging out with Lisa, doing homework. It was really fun and chill.

This morning, I was hurting a lot. Cramps. I didn't go to 1st or 2nd hour because it just kept stinging. I guess I'm going to see a gynocologist (I think thats how its spelled) because my period is fucked up...I have it twice a month.

bliss089 — Thu, 02 Sep 2004 19:49:36 GMT

Oh my God! My life is sooo lonely and boring!!! Ugh, I can't stand it. I need more friends.
I wish I wasn't such a loser. :/

I believe my birthday is gonna suck...Sept. 9th just to remind you guys.

But like it matters because I will probably just be doing something with my parents. We have tickets to go see a famous comedian thats coming in Thursday night (the night of my bday). So, I guess we are all going for sushi before that. Just me and my parents. Well, I instant messaged Andrew (who was on away) if he would like to go, or at least do something that weekend if he was comfortable with that. And I asked Lisa, but who knows if she can go, I hope so, since I owe her a lot.

Blah blah blah.

My life sucks!

Nothing to do...

School is boring.

I need a job, or I will get kicked out of co-op! Well if worst comes to worst I will probably just go work at my familys business, (I guess they will hire me because I'm the grand daughter) whatever lets see what happens. My family will turn me down :( lol...that would be hilarious though. I will call Office Max back tomorrow, and possibly Claires...but I just thought of something if I worked there: I would most likely have to pierce ears! And I don't know if I could do that...I would screw up.

Anyways.
My parents are watching "Taking Lives" and it's pretty demented, BUT since I'm such a loser...I'm gonna go hang out with them AGAIN.

Grrr

Bye.

I've been thinking...

bliss089 — Mon, 30 Aug 2004 18:30:56 GMT

How many more people can't be honest in my life?
How many more lies will I have to deal with?
Plenty more, I know.

After one love...if I have another, will he lie too? For the same things? Use me?

Being used is the worst feeling you could have, it's hard to get use to. Knowing something that you thought was true, isn't. And that it wasn't for awhile without your knowledge.

If I didn't have the friends I have now, I don't know what I would be. And I thank them so much.

I wish his life to be great...I hope all his plans work out for him.
Even though it's pathetic, I still have very strong true feelings for him. And I'm sure they won't go away until a new love appears, if he appears.

It really sucks knowing all that you gave didn't do anything. Nothing came out of it. Well, I thought something did. But, I guess, I was wrong.

He's moved on, and I'm trying too. I know I will look back at this entry and say "oh my god, how pathetic" or whatever.

Tonight

bliss089 — Sat, 28 Aug 2004 22:09:21 GMT

I had a lot of fun tonight. I was out with my friend Lisa, she invited a guy names Kyle over, we hung out and played monopoly for awhile. I started getting hungry so we went to Arby's.
Thats when we met up with C.J. and Andrew...(not my ex Andrew) I have posted about him a long time ago, we had classes together and we would kind of flirt a little bit. Well, I was sooo shocked when he walked in. I thought maybe he hate me sense we haven't talked in a year! But no! We had sooo much fun! C.J. is gay...and he totally shows it...He's sooo cool!! We all went to a park and just had a great time hanging out and talking. We then went back to Lisa's and played music and danced (well I tryed to dance to Britney Spears) in the street. Then once Lisa had to go home we all gave her a hug, the C.J. and her were talking so I go to Andrew "pick me up like you were going to that one day a looong time ago!" I wouldn't let him before. OMG I jumped on his back and he twirled me and we both fell to the ground...I was sooo dizy, it was great!
I hope we can all hang out together again soon! C.J. was sooo nice. Andrew was still the same but we got a long better, obviously.

About Andrew

bliss089 — Sat, 28 Aug 2004 21:44:14 GMT

Ugh...
The thing that really get's me is that Andrew told me the night that he broke it off that he feels like we are to young to be in the kind of relationship...

But you know what? I said that in the very beginning when he first started saying "I love you."
I asked him "Arn't we too young to be saying that?" And he just said "well I do." And "do you want me to stop?"

I did love him, and I still do.

bliss089 — Fri, 27 Aug 2004 14:19:42 GMT

Today was the first day of school...Pretty boring, the classes were all the same thing. Teachers handing out the rules sheet. It went pretty quick with only having 5 periods a day. The only stupid thing about this year is that the school board has started something called "S.P.A." groups. It's were 9th-11th grade students get assorted to different teachers of groups of about 15. The teacher is suppose to make sure no one has an unexcused adsence or missing assignments. So West High has gotten pretty smart about making sure no one skips anymore. Before, it was just too easy.
The seniors have their own large group, everyone meets in the auditiorium. And we will all have to get to know every 365 one of us. :( Oh well

Here's what my scheldule consists of:
1- Tech. Writing
2- Skills (it's like a study hall but they help you with your homework)
3- Computer Applications
4- Bussiness Communications
5- Carrer Internship (Co-op)
THEN I'M FREE AT 12:30!!

I have 2 weeks to get a job for co-op. I started driving a disabled guy around town, he's a family friend. But I get paid $10/hr! So, all I do is drive for about 4-6 hours whenever I want/able to drive! The reason why its $10/hr is because of the guy...he's really weird and gross. But I've known him forever. He calls me "baby" (freaky, I know), he smokes with the windows up, likes the car warm when its 90 degrees out, listen to his crappy music, and his weird stories.
But I would much rather have a real job and have that as my second job. I got hired at Office Max right before I moved to Coralville (now I'm back) and I have called them today to see if the position is still available. (They hired me a month ago) She seemed really interested when I talked to the assistant manager. The manager was out today, so they will call me either tomorrow or monday. I really hope I could work there!

Later today, Andrew stoped over when he was in the neighborhood making deliverys for his job. He stayed a little longer than 5 minutes...It seemed just like old times, except we didn't make out. I showed him my newly decorated room and he liked it a lot better than before. I wish he could have stayed longer. He's busy tonight and tomorrow. Oh well.

Hopefully tonight I will be hanging out with Krystle. It should be really fun...but I kinda smell like B.O. because the school was really hot today, so...I'm gonna go change :)
Cya!

bliss089 — Wed, 25 Aug 2004 20:56:28 GMT

Senior pictures are tomorrow!!!! I'm sooo excited!
I'm having my dog in one pose and my moms T-bird in another!

I still love him...

bliss089 — Wed, 25 Aug 2004 16:26:00 GMT

I think I'm going to start updating once in awhile...I know, I've said that before but I'm bored on the internet. I need to vent a little...

Andrew has broken up with me...it's been really hard, and I wish everyday it didn't happen. He did this because he said he has too many priorites...he just started a job that does keep him busy. It really hurts because of all our plans, his promises, just everything that came out of his mouth I believed would happen. I probably just believed him because I thought he was so great, I still do, any girl would be lucky to have him. I couldn't stop crying the first few days after the breakup, and once in awhile I get teary eyed but I say to myself "stop it Lauren...he doesn't deserve those tears."
Now, I feel like I've lost everything...I didn't hang out with any of my friends when we were dating, I always wanted to be with him.
All I wish we could have done was talk it through instead of him calling me and saying that he's stressed and has sooo many prioities and then dumps me...it was so sudden...unbelievable...it makes me think if he was using me.

Why would you do that to someone that was just telling you she loves you? And that you love her back?

I asked him if it was ok if I still loved him...he said "I don't know" that was 2 days ago and we haven't had a real conversation then.

He said he still wanted to be good friends, and that he wouldn't dump me like I'm trash, but I really do feel like he has...

I drove past his house the night after our breakup to see if he was home because no one was answering the phone. When I drove further up his street I saw a guy and a girl walking a dog...I relized that was Andrew.
I got sooo mad and started balling...he said he has no time for me, but for some other girl? I don't understand why he did this.

I finally walked up to his door and knocked. He came out the other side of the house to get me. I was standing there, in the dark, shaking...with tears. I said "I'm sorry, I just need to know when we can talk..." He said tomorrow. He told me about the girl that was in there...shes in Scouts just like him. "Oh perfect" I thought, "someone just like him, of course they are "hanging out"" He told me nothing was going on. He got close to me and started rubbing my arms to make me stop shaking...all I wanted to do is just crawl into his arms and have him say he loves me. I wanted to feel like I was the only one that mattered to him again. But I couldn't. Instead I cryed. He kept telling me to stop.

He's been saying we are going to hang out sometime...whenever that will be. I would love it when it happens. I never thought this day would come...I just wish I could go to sleep at night. And I wish everything wouldn't remind me of him.

It's the good life...so far.

bliss089 — Mon, 05 Jan 2004 20:29:35 GMT

Hey.

Everything has been going great in my life. Andrew got his first car!! I went down last weekend to Des Moines to visit his dad and new step mom, and some of his new step brothers. His car is the bomb! It's a Plymouth Laser '92 4 cyl. (or a 4 banger his friends call it) 16 valve, manual...the speedometer goes to 150. Omg, we've had so much fun in it so far!
LOL, yeah thats pretty much it thats new and exciting in my life. Nothing else is really going on, just go to school, sometimes work, see Andrew, and sleep. Haha, ok I will write more I promise!

ahhh!!

bliss089 — Wed, 31 Dec 2003 22:48:12 GMT

I LOVE HIM!!!!!