I’m a little annoyed that it’s even taken me this long because I’ve know about Substack for at least two years — and my brain immediately goes to the place to blame myself for everything i’ve missed out on, naturally. but i’m reminding myself that starting somewhere, at some point, is better than never at all.

I’m trying to focus less on everything I could have done and focus more on what I still can do. These few sentences alone give you a sense of who I am - mildly neurotic, but with good intentions?

I hope anyone reading this can be reminded that if you feel compelled to share, create, or express yourself in any way — it’s extremely important to do that. I think if we go too long ignoring that feeling, that’s when we start to land in hot water, with debilitating anxiety, panic attacks, etc. (or maybe that’s just me).

Every time I sit down to write, collage, or do anything creative, I always come out of it feeling a sense of balance and calm. Like this is something natural that my mind and body need, essentially to survive, or at least to be happy.

I have always thought that suffering comes from a place of denying yourself truth in one form or another. Whether it’s about admitting your career is killing you on the inside or just recognizing that inner voice that has always been asking you “but what if you tried this?”

I’m rambling, so i’ll save that for another post. What i’ll do now is just give you the basics.

I’m 32, working on a novel, living a pretty average daily life in New Jersey. I grew up in the Hudson Valley, and went to college in Manhattan.

The majority of my family is abroad (England, Ireland, & Scotland), luckily my parents and brother reside just 25 minutes away from me. This means I’ve been lucky enough to see Europe literally dozens of times, but I don’t have the same experience as most of my friends who could go see their grandparents for every holiday, down the shore in 2 hours or less, by car. Life is give and take.

I went to college for Finance and eventually switched to English, which was the first major step in me realizing that there was more to life than just making money and going along with what we’re all supposed to do.

I’m what they call Cali-Sober. I gave up drinking when I was 28. I’m all about harm-reduction and recognizing that there is no one-size fits all solution. I try not to even use that term though because I stay away from the word “sobriety” so as to not confuse, mislead, or upset anyone who is completely sober. I’ll share my story another time, but this is definitely a huge part of who I am and important to mention!

Basically, I just want a place to share my thoughts, writing (both casual and formal), and anything else that comes to me creatively.

I’m trying to look at this as exposure therapy — a way to put myself out there in the most comfortable medium there is for me (writing). I still hate sharing my writing and generally keep everything in my drafts - so this is still terrifying.

So what can you expect to see from me? Well anything and everything that either sets me off or makes me fall in love. Anything enraging, inspiring — or even delightfully mundane.

If you made it all the way here, you’re amazing and I appreciate you :)

— K