Elvis has left the building

Password Kafloogie: Un-kafloogied

blackmare — Thu, 16 Jul 2020 20:57:51 GMT

So, hi, everyone who is still here!

I just realized that my habit of crossposting from Dreamwidth had hit a roadblock due to LJ having a password breach that left my account disabled until I chose a new password. So I have fixed that, and you'll be seeing one new post from today, and two or three more that I hadn't realized never made it over here.

The long & short is that I'm doing really well. Hope all of y'all are, too. <3

Fresh Peonies

blackmare — Thu, 16 Jul 2020 20:52:45 GMT

First time in two years I've painted these, since last year I kind of got diagnosed with lung cancer just before they started blooming. In the Pink, 16" x 22" oil on linen, sold before I even finished it! Click the image to enlarge; it's a fairly big file, so may take a moment to load.

Bright Emerald, and also, Hi! Still Not Dead, here. :-D

blackmare — Thu, 16 Jul 2020 20:51:48 GMT

So this is an 8x8" acrylic on canvas, with foil collage from the usual source, meaning ... fine, yes, it's the wrapper of a very nice dark chocolate bar, okay? Something something, suffer for my art, you know how it is.

I'm painting peonies tonight so I will keep this short, but in brief:

1. Yes, I am in the Twin Cities. No, my neighborhood isn't near the "unrest" and I feel very safe here.

2. Most recent CT scan results were one week ago and they were freaking fantastic. I'm not "NED" (No Evidence of Disease) yet. But when oncologists say, "Your scans are amazing" and "Whatever you're doing, keep doing it," those are very good things.

3. Coronavirus at this point is tougher on me than anything else has been. Too much isolation. Oh yeah and I'm getting tested on 6/24, not for active infection (have had three of those since 4/22, all negative) but for antibodies, because v. possible I already had this thing. Which would be ... interesting if true.

4. I will refrain from offering Whitey McWhitelady's Thoughts on ~~Yaoi~~ American Racism, but will state for the record that I am on the side of FINALLY, YES. It's the huge gaping crack in the foundation of this nation.

4a. A lot of people, most of them white, have been caught on camera setting fire to buildings here, and the ATF would like to speak with them. The damage isn't all opportunistic attacks by neo-Nazis, but available evidence is that a large percentage is that. Especially the arson.

Also, someone's posting a new House/Wilson fic

blackmare — Thu, 16 Jul 2020 20:46:04 GMT

The newest entry on https://house-wilson-ghc.dreamwidth.org/ is called From the Ward.

I'm enjoying this and am very glad to see the stirring of even the smallest sign of life in the fandom here.

So here's the latest

blackmare — Thu, 16 Jul 2020 20:32:05 GMT

Another 8" square, A Fractured Wing, acrylic and ~~salvaged chocolate bar wrapper~~ I mean, sophisticated gold-tone metal foil, on canvas. ~~Available, 200.~~ UPDATE: SOLD.

Freezing overnight

blackmare — Sun, 10 May 2020 04:37:38 GMT

... with, I'm told, possible snow tomorrow morning. Whatever. Generally, things are blooming here. Particularly dandelions, which I happen to really enjoy. Little bursts of sunshine, and the bees love them. I made this tiny 5x7" painting a couple days ago.

Hey Everyone, I'm Alive and Well

blackmare — Mon, 27 Apr 2020 22:54:05 GMT

And, as it's a beautiful evening here, I am about to go out for a walk.

Pictures when I get back, maybe. My mental ability to Do The Things is ... limited, lately. Mostly because being on lockdown, I think.

<3 y'all.

Meet Tobias Squeakpurrious

blackmare — Tue, 25 Feb 2020 22:22:02 GMT

Known to his ~~humble subjects~~ family as Toby. 9x12” oil on panel. I’ve been continuing my challenge of loosening up and I really like the results here.

Stop me before I goldfish again!

blackmare — Mon, 17 Feb 2020 00:24:19 GMT

Or, you know. Not. :-D

This is another 5x7", one of the ongoing Tiny Goldfish Series. It might be titled Colorful Curves but IDK, that sounds ... a little cheesy. Anyway, I got bolder and looser with the brushwork this time, and I like the results a lot.

This one is still available but I've found these guys go pretty fast. $125 US, possibly a bit extra to ship depending where it needs to go.

A Little Gold

blackmare — Thu, 06 Feb 2020 01:35:50 GMT

Finished this a week or two ago, but just now got around to photographing it ~~and then retouching out the cat hairs that landed on the surface, which thankfully is dry~~.

Size is 5 x 7". I make these little goldfish when I'm in need of a break from larger projects. They're still a challenge, but they also help me feel better when it's been a while since I finished something.

EDIT: And sold! That was fast. :-D

Baby’s First Murderlizard

blackmare — Wed, 05 Feb 2020 03:32:19 GMT

This is a rough sketch in vine charcoal and a little white pastel pencil. The photo somehow loses the true “shadowy” quality and overexposes it a bit, but whatever. This is meant as a preliminary study rather than a finished work.

Unsurprisingly, the part that gave me the most trouble was his mouth.

I’m likely to create a couple more like this before moving on to the actual portrait, which is for a friend of mine and will be done in oil or maybe acrylic. Garak being who he is, I’m thinking of using a black ground for the portrait and letting a lot of it just stay black. Not that he’s evil, he’s just so very elegant and dramatic.

But being home sick has its perks

blackmare — Fri, 10 Jan 2020 01:21:24 GMT

One of which is that I got to hear something remarkable today.

Someone was repeatedly practicing “Shave and a haircut, two bits!”

They were playing it ...

... ON THE HORN OF A DIESEL TRAIN ENGINE

I’m not THAT sick

blackmare — Fri, 10 Jan 2020 01:08:38 GMT

So, fighting a nasty sinus infection today, on meds and in pjs all day, bleah.

But I am not so sick that I will just sit on the sofa and watch the Spock’s Brain episode.

ETA: yes, another sinus infection, apparently contracted in Chicago on New Year’s Eve. Re: the more serious shit, I continue to heal at a rapid pace.

Comfy Kitty

blackmare — Wed, 04 Dec 2019 05:56:37 GMT

Because the last drawing I made of her showed her tremendous attitude, here’s one from 11/30, where we see the more cuddly aspect of Leela.

Luna drawings will be forthcoming, I promise. :-)

Cattitude

blackmare — Mon, 11 Nov 2019 19:03:54 GMT

I titled this drawing of Leela “I Don’t Think So,” though I read the expression more as, “Are you fucking kidding?”

So, hi.

blackmare — Tue, 05 Nov 2019 17:16:51 GMT

Been a while, hasn’t it?

I have much to do today, and also have a sinus infection which I got pills for last night (HUGE PILLS, GUYS. SO BIG). The doctor and the pharmacist both said they’re seeing a lot of people with this thing right now, so it’s, well, a thing. I’ve had it for like 3 weeks but didn’t realize what it was. I thought SINUS INFECTION meant being 100% miserable, whereas mostly I’ve been Annoyed As Shit.

In other news, I killed my desktop computer (more precisely, broke a couple connectors on the motherboard) while trying to give it a shiny new brain. I have all my stuff backed up so this is not a tragedy, and on advice of Very Cool Repair Dude, I bought a used computer identical to mine — a mid-2010 Mac Mini, $130 — off eBay, and will have Repair Dude install the new solid state hard drive (“brain”) and also the shiny new RAM I bought. Since, you know, I already have those.

Partly this project is because I don’t wanna spend what it would cost for a new machine, but also: I am sick of the cycle of tech obsolescence and I want to hit the brakes on that. It’s so wasteful. If I can upgrade an older machine for a fraction of the price of a new one, and do the things I need to do, that’s pretty cool.

The Vanishing Act

blackmare — Sun, 27 Oct 2019 20:31:16 GMT

The latest, 12x16” oil on linen.

So I’m ON Tumblr

blackmare — Wed, 09 Oct 2019 02:29:37 GMT

... but I don’t really love Tumblr.

Except when I do. Today it brought me a string quartet cover of Thrift Shop. I’m off to iTunes to buy this now. We needs it, precious.

https://clockwork-mockingbird.tumblr.com/post/102261850667/push-play-and-just-trust-me

Le Spamme

blackmare — Sun, 15 Sep 2019 14:35:58 GMT

I just got an email pitching a school of hypnotherapy.

It’s written entirely in French.

More mushrooms!

blackmare — Fri, 13 Sep 2019 17:37:04 GMT

These were from last Saturday in northern Minnesota. I don’t have time right now to try identifying them, but the other night I did look up the most unusual one I’d seen. Using a beautiful book sent to me by Nightdog, I was able to identify these little jewels as Blood-red Redcaps. Ominous as they look — even the stem is red! — they are inedible, but surprisingly not listed as poisonous. I guess they just taste really bad.

Unknown yet, bracket type fungus with ~~clear spore liquid~~ guttation droplets, which apparently are fairly common in various fungus species but nobody knows why.

Unknown, small delicate orange-red fungus with darker edges

Unknown, tiny yellow mushroom chorus, or village perhaps.

REALLY unknown, super super small fungus/lichen symbiosis situation? I have no idea but it was pretty cool.

Travels

blackmare — Wed, 11 Sep 2019 04:58:26 GMT

Driving in northern Minnesota, I was reminded why I like traveling with my family: my brother (at the wheel) turned around and drove back to this place so he and I and our mom could explore it. We think it was a hunting or fishing lodge years ago. A lot of years, judging by the age of the defunct appliances.

A Happy Oncologist is a Beautiful Sight

blackmare — Wed, 04 Sep 2019 15:33:58 GMT

And mine? IS VERY HAPPY.

Long and probably boring cancer progress discussion under the cut.

I will report back once I’m home, but things are really, really looking good, especially in the NO VISIBLE BRAIN TUMORS department.

Update:

Also NO VISIBLE LIVER TUMORS (the liver was where they biopsies back on June 17)
And NO VISIBLE ADRENAL GLAND TUMORS (both adrenal glands had them)
Main mass in left lung has shrunk from about 4cm to 3, and they’re not sure how much of the 3cm is active disease vs. how much might be scar tissue.
Lymph nodes which were cancerous and swollen are much reduced in size.

There are some swollen lymph nodes which were not previously showing up, over in the center-right chest area, but we are pretty sure those aren’t new spread of disease. My week of daily work in Ye Olde Moldville could easily explain that inflammation, as could the mild virus I appear to have picked up a few days ago.

As for all the bone lesions — and there were a LOT of them — that’s indeterminate because the tumors tend to leave calcified scars which, on a CT scan, look just like, well, tumors. However, given the progress on everything else, and my lack of symptoms (that would be pain), we think things are good. It’ll take something like a PET scan, which shows sugar uptake, to determine which if any of those spots are still active.

Next imaging is in 6 weeks, a little sooner than the usual 8 just out of an abundance of caution in case the newly enlarged lymph nodes are A Thing of some kind. I think they’ll be back to normal by then, and the doctor thinks that’s likely.

He also thinks it’s possible the big mass in the left lung will never fully disappear, but I reject that notion just the same as I rejected the SO SORRY YOU’RE GONNA DIE NOW tone of the HealthPartners folks in St. Paul who originally found this thing. I might, maybe, have a little scarring when the tumor is gone, but I’m taking this thing out like it’s last week’s smelly garbage.

We lost Nightdog

blackmare — Tue, 03 Sep 2019 13:37:51 GMT

Her respiratory system was just too weak to sustain her through the night.

I have oncology appointments of my own today and tomorrow, to monitor my own treatment, and am going to do my best not to, like, cry snottily all over the CT scanner. I have to leave for there in about 20 minutes, so if you comment I may not reply for a while.

There will be so many Nightdog-shaped holes in my life.

For those who wondered how I’m doing

blackmare — Mon, 02 Sep 2019 17:58:22 GMT

Thank you, first of all! <3

Short answer: remarkably well. It has been a fairly packed couple weeks since my last update.

Long answer under the cut to spare you from scrolling-induced repetitive injury.

I am now officially OUT of my old apartment, the House of Mold and Mice (I don’t think I mentioned the mouse infestation in the building, did I? There was one. It was REALLY BAD). On Friday, 8/30, I walked out of there for the last time and went and turned in my keys.

This, however, followed a whole week in which I had to be in there for at least part of every day, removing things, cleaning other things. I wore my respirator mask, which has HOT PINK filter cartridges and which I therefore named Darth Barbie. Mask helps a LOT, but some stuff still gets through and irritates the shit out of my throat and lungs. I’ve continued to go walking every day that time & weather permit, and continued to feel really good other than the aggravation from Old Moldhouse, which will likely take a couple more days to fully go away.

... it would probably have helped if I had stayed out of the Sheep & Goat Barn at the State Fair last night. I could immediately tell I probably shouldn’t be in there, at least not for long. :-D But they were SO CUTE.

Tomorrow I have my first “check your progress” brain MRI and also a CT which I assume will cover much more of my body. Following morning, blood draw and office visit to discuss whatever shows up on imaging. I’m gonna admit, I’m a bit nervous about what we’ll find and what they will tell me or what they’ll want to do. But based on how I feel I expect I’m making good progress. I think what will happen is that, as soon as the brain MRI shows all clear, they’re going to start the process to switch me from my current, genetically targeted treatment, to immunotherapy. The brain growies are the only reason I’m on Tagrisso instead of immunotherapy in the first place: Tagrisso is more reliable at knocking out brain tumors. Testing indicated I’m an excellent candidate for immunotherapy, but that is more hit-and-miss at getting across the blood/brain divide.

So that’s where I’m at, and I’m also slowly settling into my new and tiny house. And I will probably acquire New Cat in about a week. :-D Her name is Luna and she is just beautiful and sweet. I am praying I will get to show her, and my excellent progress results, to Nightdog.

Nightdog has been hospitalized

blackmare — Mon, 02 Sep 2019 15:34:03 GMT

Her husband, R, contacted me via my art website this morning.

She is really not well, due to complications from her chemo. Prayers, good thoughts, whatever you have, will be welcome. He is not sure at this point if she will pull through.

I love her a lot and I know many other people do too.