303 ways to annoy Professor Snape- part 2
1. Stand at the entrance to the Potions classroom. Charge entry.
2. Ask him if he's ticklish. Tell him if he lies 'you'll know'.
3. Sacrifice small creatures and first-years in his name.
4. Offer to 'bewitch his mind and ensnare his senses.'
5. Conclude potions lessons with the words 'See you next time folks! Same
bat time! Same bat channel!'
6. Sign him up for Madam Hooch's new class. 'Physical Fitness for the
Mentally Depressed'
7. Hum and whistle the score from Austin Powers the moment he enters the
Potions room.
8. Be sure to let him know when there's a full moon coming.
9. Every time his back is turned in class, move one seat closer to him.
Continue until you are directly in front of him or the lesson ends.
10. In speaking with him, casually refer to Voldemort as 'yer boss'
11. Scheme loudly about him in the library. When you know he's behind the
nearest shelf.
12. Greet him as you would a life-long friend, punch him in the arm and
call him 'Sevster, old pal'
13. Charm his bedsheets to entangle him in his sleep, ensuring he must
wrestle them for a quarter-hour each morning just to get out of bed.
14. Sit with him at Quidditch matches. Promise loudly to 'protect him from
those nasty little Gryffindor girls.'
15. Owl him the lyrics to your favourite songs.
16. Tell him at great length about your newly brewed potion which you have
called 'brown-gunk-in-a-bottle'.
17. Shiver with some undisclosed emotion should he call on you in class.
18. Transfigure his robes into comic-book super-hero style tights, cape,
logo and utility belt.
19. Mutter loudly in class that he '...still owes me rent'
20. Should he ever sarcastically enquire if you would like a detention,
hold up a hand and say 'I will not be swayed by your sweet words of
temptation!'
21. Ask him if he fears the sunlight, or is he just naturally pale?
22. Sign your name on anything of his you can get hold of.
23. Transfigure his cauldron into a large sack of milk-duds.
24. 'Forget healing potions, Sir! Lets bottle some fame!'
25. Hide behind him anytime Harry Potter approaches.
26. 'Wingardium Leviosa' the back of his robes so that they float
vertically behind him and look like a 6-foot-high collar.
27. Offer to knight him.
28. Squint at him non-stop from the very second he comes into your view
until he leaves again. Do this for the entire month of March, every year of
your attendance.
29. Launch into a hearty rendition of the B-52s 'Love Shack' anytime he
needs to go anywhere near Hagrid's hut.
30. Walk around carrying the end of his robes like a bridal gown.
31. Follow him at a distance. Try to make it obvious what you are doing.
32. Sneak up on him and jab him in the ribs. Screech 'poke!' loudly and run
off.
33. Ask for his autograph.
34. Hire some thugs. Have them beat people up who say anything against the
good name of Snape. Or who looked like they might have been thinking it.
35. Ask him at what age his hair 'lost it's natural lustre and shine?'
36. Question his stability regularly.
37. Volunteer to assist him. Drop or break anything he requires you to be
in contact with.
38. Let him catch you pretending your wand is a light-sabre. Ask him if he
wants to be Obi-Wan or Han Solo. Offer to show him how to make the correct
'sabre-sounds'.
39. When he calls on you in class, look stunned, stutter and garble some
nonsense - then fall out of your seat.
40. Ask when he's 'gonna get to the brewing glory part?'
41. Stand guard outside his chambers. Make fists and 'tough-arms' at anyone
who looks that way twice. If questioned, state that you 'wouldn't want
anything to happen to him'
42. Dust the floor behind him, following him as he walks. Also dust
anything he touches.
43. Charm his hair into ringlets.
44. Put up a notice proclaiming the formation of your own fan-club. Sign
his name as the first eager member.
45. Invite him to join you for a nice, healthy game of musical chairs.
46. Leave Harry Potter bound and gagged outside Snape's rooms every morning
for a year.
47. Anytime he comes near you, hold up your robes above your head with one
arm and shelter beneath them until he leaves.
48. Subscribe to unlikely magazines in his name.
49. When he enters his classroom, scurry over and wipe down his seat before
he has a chance to sit down.
50. Write his biography. Have it published. Offer him a signed copy.
51. Babble incoherently in class until you've lost all your house points.
52. Set up a shrine to him. Somewhere very public.
53. When he leans over your cauldron to inspect your work, reach out and
pin a S.P.E.W badge on him.
54. Shout suddenly in the middle of class 'Ooh, sir, hold that pose!' and
quickly begin sketching him.
55. Steal quietly up behind him, lift his robes, raise your hot-iron and
brand his neck with a mark of your own.
56. Fill his bed with small, adorable, fluffy creatures. While he's in it.
57. Tell him that you 'know'. Tap the side of your nose and nod knowingly.
58. Weep openly when he gives you detention.
59. Casually mention you're thinking of changing your name to Severus.
60. Ponder aloud on the colour of his underwear.
61. Whistle the march from 'Bridge on The River Kwai' as you follow him
down to one of the many detentions you are likely to recieve.
62. Observe him. Take notes.
63. Become an animagi. Be very cute. Try to get him adopt you.
64. Try to get him adopt you anyway.
65. Forbid anyone to touch him. Enforce the rule.
66. Chain yourself to him and go limp.
67. When his food arrives at mealtime, jump out of your seat, dash up to
the high table and insist on tasting the food before he has a bite. 'Just
in case.'
68. For the duration of each meal, jump out of your seat at random moments,
dash up to the high table and ask if he wants anything on that, waving
condiments madly.
69. Carve small likeness's of him. Leave them around the school.
70. Have him committed.
71. Ask him to teach you how to tango.
72. Crash Death-Eater revels shouting 'Sev! You had a party and you didn't
invite me? I'm hurt!'
73. Transfigure his robes into a safari-suit. Wear one yourself. Dance
about and slap him with pilchards.
74. While he's out, fill his rooms completely, wall to wall, floor to
ceiling, with balloons.
75. Ask him if he wants to meet your mother.
76. Ask him everyday if he'll show you 'that stopper-in-death trick, that
sounded neat.'
77. Put up your hand eagerly in class when he asks a question. If he calls
on you, ignore his question and say 'Sir? Can you do this?' Then perform
stupid party face-tricks. (Ie: roll your tongue, flip your eyelids or
wiggle your ears)
78. Faint regularly in his class.
79. Anytime you catch his eye, mouth something undecipherable at him. Make
it look urgent.
80. Write and choreograph a play about him for the school to perform.
'Severus: The Musical'.
81. Cast yourself in the lead.
82. And all the other roles.
83. Make him daisy-chains. Enquire frequently as to why he doesn't wear them.
84. Refer to him as 'Lord and Master of all things Slimy'
85. Chase him.
86. Throw your arms around him on random occaisions.
87. Sing 'The Lumberjack Song' at him endlessly.
88. Dedicate essays to him.
89. Trip him up in the halls. Every single chance you get.
90. Approach. Kneel. Propose. Run.
91. Become his campaign manager for an election you've invented. Hang 'Vote
Snape' signs. Wear a badge.
92. When he leans in to see the contents of your cauldron, whack him over
the head, scream 'Tag! You're it!' and dash out of the classroom, giggling.
93. Paint a portrait of him. Use your imagination. Insist on hanging it in
the Great Hall.
94. Grin insanely throughout each and every potions class.
95. 'Prozac, sir?'
96. Laugh enthusiastically at any mild joke or sarcasm that leaves his
mouth. Laugh for about 10 minutes longer than necessary. Laugh until you cry.
97. Breed koalas in his bathroom.
98. Lie down in puddles and beg him to step on you rather than get his feet
soggy.
99. Enquire of him if he would like to borrow some shampoo.
100. Find a website focusing on really bad Snape/Harry slash-fic. Print
them off and owl them to him regularly.
101. Write a list of all the things you could do to him!
I do not own this list, nor did i create it. Someone emailed it to me a few years ago, but i still find it hilarious. 2. Ask him if he's ticklish. Tell him if he lies 'you'll know'.
3. Sacrifice small creatures and first-years in his name.
4. Offer to 'bewitch his mind and ensnare his senses.'
5. Conclude potions lessons with the words 'See you next time folks! Same
bat time! Same bat channel!'
6. Sign him up for Madam Hooch's new class. 'Physical Fitness for the
Mentally Depressed'
7. Hum and whistle the score from Austin Powers the moment he enters the
Potions room.
8. Be sure to let him know when there's a full moon coming.
9. Every time his back is turned in class, move one seat closer to him.
Continue until you are directly in front of him or the lesson ends.
10. In speaking with him, casually refer to Voldemort as 'yer boss'
11. Scheme loudly about him in the library. When you know he's behind the
nearest shelf.
12. Greet him as you would a life-long friend, punch him in the arm and
call him 'Sevster, old pal'
13. Charm his bedsheets to entangle him in his sleep, ensuring he must
wrestle them for a quarter-hour each morning just to get out of bed.
14. Sit with him at Quidditch matches. Promise loudly to 'protect him from
those nasty little Gryffindor girls.'
15. Owl him the lyrics to your favourite songs.
16. Tell him at great length about your newly brewed potion which you have
called 'brown-gunk-in-a-bottle'.
17. Shiver with some undisclosed emotion should he call on you in class.
18. Transfigure his robes into comic-book super-hero style tights, cape,
logo and utility belt.
19. Mutter loudly in class that he '...still owes me rent'
20. Should he ever sarcastically enquire if you would like a detention,
hold up a hand and say 'I will not be swayed by your sweet words of
temptation!'
21. Ask him if he fears the sunlight, or is he just naturally pale?
22. Sign your name on anything of his you can get hold of.
23. Transfigure his cauldron into a large sack of milk-duds.
24. 'Forget healing potions, Sir! Lets bottle some fame!'
25. Hide behind him anytime Harry Potter approaches.
26. 'Wingardium Leviosa' the back of his robes so that they float
vertically behind him and look like a 6-foot-high collar.
27. Offer to knight him.
28. Squint at him non-stop from the very second he comes into your view
until he leaves again. Do this for the entire month of March, every year of
your attendance.
29. Launch into a hearty rendition of the B-52s 'Love Shack' anytime he
needs to go anywhere near Hagrid's hut.
30. Walk around carrying the end of his robes like a bridal gown.
31. Follow him at a distance. Try to make it obvious what you are doing.
32. Sneak up on him and jab him in the ribs. Screech 'poke!' loudly and run
off.
33. Ask for his autograph.
34. Hire some thugs. Have them beat people up who say anything against the
good name of Snape. Or who looked like they might have been thinking it.
35. Ask him at what age his hair 'lost it's natural lustre and shine?'
36. Question his stability regularly.
37. Volunteer to assist him. Drop or break anything he requires you to be
in contact with.
38. Let him catch you pretending your wand is a light-sabre. Ask him if he
wants to be Obi-Wan or Han Solo. Offer to show him how to make the correct
'sabre-sounds'.
39. When he calls on you in class, look stunned, stutter and garble some
nonsense - then fall out of your seat.
40. Ask when he's 'gonna get to the brewing glory part?'
41. Stand guard outside his chambers. Make fists and 'tough-arms' at anyone
who looks that way twice. If questioned, state that you 'wouldn't want
anything to happen to him'
42. Dust the floor behind him, following him as he walks. Also dust
anything he touches.
43. Charm his hair into ringlets.
44. Put up a notice proclaiming the formation of your own fan-club. Sign
his name as the first eager member.
45. Invite him to join you for a nice, healthy game of musical chairs.
46. Leave Harry Potter bound and gagged outside Snape's rooms every morning
for a year.
47. Anytime he comes near you, hold up your robes above your head with one
arm and shelter beneath them until he leaves.
48. Subscribe to unlikely magazines in his name.
49. When he enters his classroom, scurry over and wipe down his seat before
he has a chance to sit down.
50. Write his biography. Have it published. Offer him a signed copy.
51. Babble incoherently in class until you've lost all your house points.
52. Set up a shrine to him. Somewhere very public.
53. When he leans over your cauldron to inspect your work, reach out and
pin a S.P.E.W badge on him.
54. Shout suddenly in the middle of class 'Ooh, sir, hold that pose!' and
quickly begin sketching him.
55. Steal quietly up behind him, lift his robes, raise your hot-iron and
brand his neck with a mark of your own.
56. Fill his bed with small, adorable, fluffy creatures. While he's in it.
57. Tell him that you 'know'. Tap the side of your nose and nod knowingly.
58. Weep openly when he gives you detention.
59. Casually mention you're thinking of changing your name to Severus.
60. Ponder aloud on the colour of his underwear.
61. Whistle the march from 'Bridge on The River Kwai' as you follow him
down to one of the many detentions you are likely to recieve.
62. Observe him. Take notes.
63. Become an animagi. Be very cute. Try to get him adopt you.
64. Try to get him adopt you anyway.
65. Forbid anyone to touch him. Enforce the rule.
66. Chain yourself to him and go limp.
67. When his food arrives at mealtime, jump out of your seat, dash up to
the high table and insist on tasting the food before he has a bite. 'Just
in case.'
68. For the duration of each meal, jump out of your seat at random moments,
dash up to the high table and ask if he wants anything on that, waving
condiments madly.
69. Carve small likeness's of him. Leave them around the school.
70. Have him committed.
71. Ask him to teach you how to tango.
72. Crash Death-Eater revels shouting 'Sev! You had a party and you didn't
invite me? I'm hurt!'
73. Transfigure his robes into a safari-suit. Wear one yourself. Dance
about and slap him with pilchards.
74. While he's out, fill his rooms completely, wall to wall, floor to
ceiling, with balloons.
75. Ask him if he wants to meet your mother.
76. Ask him everyday if he'll show you 'that stopper-in-death trick, that
sounded neat.'
77. Put up your hand eagerly in class when he asks a question. If he calls
on you, ignore his question and say 'Sir? Can you do this?' Then perform
stupid party face-tricks. (Ie: roll your tongue, flip your eyelids or
wiggle your ears)
78. Faint regularly in his class.
79. Anytime you catch his eye, mouth something undecipherable at him. Make
it look urgent.
80. Write and choreograph a play about him for the school to perform.
'Severus: The Musical'.
81. Cast yourself in the lead.
82. And all the other roles.
83. Make him daisy-chains. Enquire frequently as to why he doesn't wear them.
84. Refer to him as 'Lord and Master of all things Slimy'
85. Chase him.
86. Throw your arms around him on random occaisions.
87. Sing 'The Lumberjack Song' at him endlessly.
88. Dedicate essays to him.
89. Trip him up in the halls. Every single chance you get.
90. Approach. Kneel. Propose. Run.
91. Become his campaign manager for an election you've invented. Hang 'Vote
Snape' signs. Wear a badge.
92. When he leans in to see the contents of your cauldron, whack him over
the head, scream 'Tag! You're it!' and dash out of the classroom, giggling.
93. Paint a portrait of him. Use your imagination. Insist on hanging it in
the Great Hall.
94. Grin insanely throughout each and every potions class.
95. 'Prozac, sir?'
96. Laugh enthusiastically at any mild joke or sarcasm that leaves his
mouth. Laugh for about 10 minutes longer than necessary. Laugh until you cry.
97. Breed koalas in his bathroom.
98. Lie down in puddles and beg him to step on you rather than get his feet
soggy.
99. Enquire of him if he would like to borrow some shampoo.
100. Find a website focusing on really bad Snape/Harry slash-fic. Print
them off and owl them to him regularly.
101. Write a list of all the things you could do to him!