Paralyzed man tells students the right mindset is key to overcoming adversity

Oct. 24, 2023

A man who can now walk briefly with a walker after being told he was paralyzed for life told Culver Academies students that the key to overcoming adversity is having the right attitude.

“Our success in life isn’t determined by the circumstances that happen to us. It’s the way we respond to those circumstances,” Robert Paylor told the students. “That’s a decision that never escapes us.”

Paylor was a sophomore at the University of California, Berkeley when he was playing for the national championship on May 6, 2017. At 6-foot-5, 233 pounds, Paylor’s job on the rugby field was to move people.

“I was put on this earth to move people – move people who don’t want to move,” Paylor told the students.

He was doing his job trying to move people in a maul when one opponent put him in an illegal headlock and another opponent knocked out his legs.

“I close my eyes, grit my teeth, and then snap,” Paylor said.

The students let out an audible gasp.

Paylor said his face slammed against his chest and he couldn’t feel or move anything below his neck. He said he was lying there screaming, doing everything he could to get up.

“I’m thinking, ‘This is unreal. There is no way this is happening to me. No way, not me. I have dreams in my life. I have goals in my life,’ ” he said.

He was told in the hospital he would never walk again and he’d be lucky if he could ever feed himself again.

Paylor said the best advice he got in those first few days lying in his hospital bed came from his religious adviser. The adviser told him there will be a lot of things he won’t be able to control, but the one thing he could always control is his mindset.

"Your willingness to wake up every day and fight is up to you,” the adviser said. “This injury can’t take that away from you.”

Although he’s mostly relegated to a wheelchair these days, Paylor’s job still is to move people. Only now he does it with his words, not his muscle.

Speaking Sunday at Eppley Auditorium, Paylor put up a photo of himself in his hospital bed the day after he was injured with numerous tubes in him. He asked the students what they noticed about the photo. They said in unison: “Smile.”

“I’m thinking, ‘I’m not going to let this thing beat me. I don’t care how broken my body is. I won’t let this beat my mind. I alone am in control of my mindset,’ ” Paylor said about the photo of him smiling.

He told the students the decision to have a positive mindset has to be made every day. Paylor told the students the way to accomplish that is to have a positive “mental diet.” He told them when they choose who to follow on social media that they are choosing their mental diet.

“Just as we feed our bodies to optimally perform, we have to feed our minds to take on life’s challenges,” he said.

Paylor said the player who put him in the illegal headlock that led to his injury has never contacted him. He’s never apologized. But Paylor said he still forgives him whether he’s sorry or not.

“Because I realized the more hate I gave to him, the more power I gave to him and the less power I had myself,” Paylor said.

He said that decision to forgive gradually relieved him of all the animosity he felt. He said he’s now in control of his emotions.

“So I ask you, is there someone in your life you need to forgive? Do you need to forgive yourself about something?” he said.

He also encouraged the students to practice perspective. He said they should be happy for all that they have: the ability to move, to go to school, to see their friends, to walk, to wiggle their toes, to breathe.

“Let’s not wait to lose something before we show appreciation for it. Let’s take inventory of everything we have right now. Let’s be grateful for everything we have right now,” he said.

Paylor said what’s kept him working every day to walk again isn’t his motivation to move from one place to another. He is motivated to inspire others. He said a life lived for others is a life of purpose, which motivates people to do the impossible.

An assistant then brought a walker out and put it in front of Paylor, who then took a moment to pull himself up and stand. The students gave him a 30-second standing ovation.

 He said the injury gave his life meaning, and if he could, he wouldn’t change what happened on the rugby field six years ago.

“If I were to wish this injury away, I’d be wishing away my purpose, the things that give me meaning in my life. There’s no way I could wish it away,” he said.

Paylor said he can walk up to 400 yards now. His goal now is to someday be wheelchair independent, although he knows the odds are against him.

“I’m happy with the progress that I’ve made to date. But I still want to achieve more,” he said.