My Side of the Story

My brain is exploding

billinaction — Wed, 06 Oct 2021 16:51:34 GMT

Today I removed Aubrey's dad from all available forms of contact. He is grieving the anticipated death of his mom and keeps telling Aubrey she has to be there for him, that she is all that he has. He emotionally manipulates her like she can do anything to emotionally support him. She is struggling with her own grief and inability to process big emotions in a healthy way. Dad is sitting over there threatening to kill himself when Mom dies and Aubrey has started scratching and cutting herself again. So, this is not a healthy way for them to interact.
He contacted me to be a messenger with his mom and tell her to put money on his prison commissary account. I told him no, that I am not comfortable being a messenger to a dying woman by asking her for money. She can't even hold her phone, much less transfer money to an app. He was mad and said "I'm done. I will talk to Aubrey when she's 18." Ok, fine. I am not sure why he thinks she will want to talk to him then. Unless he grows up and stops trying to use her as a crutch or lifeline.

I am scared for Aubrey's wellbeing and state of mind and that's all I have the capacity for. I can't hold up his emotions and stress too. We are all feeling a loss that will effect everyone in different ways. I feel like when this lady finally dies (after threatening to die for 4yrs), I will be released from feelings of obligation. This last traumatic tie to a child abuser will be cut. Aubrey will miss her but we do not have to spend another minute with her manipulation, gaslighting, and commenting on Aubrey's appearance constantly. I hate that Aubrey will miss her but in a few years time, hopefully she will have the perspective that her grandmother was horrible. She was loved but she had no idea how to raise her children or her grandchildren and all of them are struggling as adults/young adults as a result. I hate wishing someone dead but I have been waiting for her to die for a long time. Soon Aubrey can stop wondering "what if she dies" because she will be dead. She can free herself from being there for her grandmother, too, and maybe be a freaking kid.

Donations needed

billinaction — Sat, 29 May 2021 01:53:01 GMT

Hey friends, I am facilitating the collection of items for the treatment center that Aubrey is in. They have asked for donations of summer and lounge clothes. I set up a Wish List for folks to order from. This is not an Amazon Wish List but if you want to donate, feel free to use Amazon to order items similar to what's on the Wish List. There's a strong need for boys items, especially underwear. Boys are usually dumped there with no family to turn to. It's less often that girls are in that situation. Even if you can order one shirt or pair of leggings, it will benefit a young person in a tough situation.

Thank you!

Click me

Career options

billinaction — Tue, 25 May 2021 13:56:53 GMT

Seeking advice! I am in the interview stage for a few positions and am conflicted.

Job #1- a full time position with the County as an Aging Care Manager. The huge negatives in this position is completely phone based so I would be tethered to the desk all day long 8:30-4:30. Positives are that eventually I could move around to other care manager positions that I would enjoy more + county benefits and retirement. The pay is ok and standard for new graduates. I have had 2 interviews already and am waiting on them to make a decision. This office is about 45 minutes away.

Job #2- a full time position with the County as a Forensic Social Worker. This is exactly what I did for 7 years in Philadelphia. I am extremely qualified for this job and it's a mix of office and community work, visiting jails etc. The pay is perfect and on par with what I was making full-time when I was doing juvenile lifer work. This would greatly benefit the family income situation. I am going in person for an interview this afternoon. This office is about 45 minutes away.

Job #3- per diem Geriatric Social Worker. This is the job I trained for all through graduate school. It would be approximately 24 hours, which would mean that I could keep my current part-time job. Some time this week I will be going in to see the facility and discuss the position with the Program manager. It's per diem while 2 staff members are on maternity leave and should become a permanent position later this year. I don't yet know the pay and as per diem I doubt there are any benefits. This would be great experience with older adult case management and would help me get more info about Medicare and insurance systems. The Supervisor is extremely interested in me.. This job is closer to home than the other two.

Postcard friends

billinaction — Sat, 16 Jan 2021 03:34:17 GMT

Anyone interested in blank cards? I barely send cards and have so many boxes of them. I have mostly modern postcards and a selection of antique cards- mostly France/Europe if I remember correctly. I think I have some linen postcards too. I have lots of cards of art as that was my thing I liked to send. Lol.

Let me know!

More death

billinaction — Tue, 22 Dec 2020 02:06:11 GMT

You guys, what the f is happening?? On the 17th one aunt died and on the 19th another aunt died! This is all on my mom's side and way too much for any one family in a year. Five deaths in one year in one family. :(

Leaving this here for review

billinaction — Fri, 29 May 2020 13:40:16 GMT

Rainy day color therapy

billinaction — Fri, 22 May 2020 21:27:49 GMT

I love bright colors

For lunch today we decided to have fruit and veggie tray instead of anything that required work. Great choice!

Quarantine Day 24

billinaction — Mon, 06 Apr 2020 15:12:18 GMT

It's true what they say that if you do something for 21 days it will basically become routine. What has become routine for me is being at home, waking up at 8am instead of 6am, and working at home with four other people. We have finally created a schedule that works for Aubrey to do her school work, get help from us, and lets us get our own work/school things done. I had many complaints those first few weeks, like I could go on for hours and hours about how frustrated I have been with Aubrey's attitude, my own lack of motivation, feeling stuck with so many other people in a 1500 square foot house, and missing people that I don't live with. Yesterday I turned a corner and am working on seeing the positive moments and holding on to those.

In that vain, here are things that have made me happy lately:

(1) family game night- we have done this twice and both times everyone was laughing and having a good time together
(2) Spring yard work - we all worked outside without complaint for two days and got the yard in great shape. Aubrey commented "today we turned a new leaf" and it really made me feel good that she appreciated the joy of working together on something
(3) Mom and Aubrey made homemade cinnamon rolls and they are amazing! Aubrey didn't stick with mom through to baking them but did roll out the dough and get them shaped so I will give her credit for working with my mom when she wasn't really in the mood
(4) My niece had a temperature and was feeling really crappy for 2 days and we were freaking out and on day 3 she was MUCH improved so we did not go to the doctor and today she continues to feel like her usual self
(5) Video chats with friends
(6) Having a clean house- thanks mom, Aubrey and Natalie.
(7) On Friday Cole and I went into my office to work because we were at our wits end with Aubrey and needed some space. It was great to be away from home, breathing different air for a few hours.
(8) We are mostly eating healthier because I am cooking at home. Lots of grill nights and simple vegetable filled dinners that we can all enjoy
(9) Walking. My feet tend to hurt all the time, year around, so walking is not my preferred exercise. I have been going out with Cole for at least one walk a day and it's brightening my soul and helping me feel rejuvenated to come back and do the school/work things on my to-do list. It really helps that we are finally turning towards Spring and the sun is out and it feels so good to be outside.
(10) The dogs. They are constantly with us, laying on our legs, following us outside, and comforting us when we feel isolated. Dogs are a human's best friend!

Sometimes Emmy thinks she is much tinier than she really is.

The sunflower stands tall in a neighbors yard, I took that photo on a walk. I also took the beautiful sky photo one afternoon.

I saw a bee trying to pollenate these weeds that I hate. Our front garden area had 2 huge hydrangea's and we removed them!

Aubrey has taken up needle-felting and is making some cute things. This lovely smothered enchilada dish was delicious!

I created my own bandana mask to go to the store. Like everyone else, I am disgusted by the amount of discarded used gloves in parking lots everywhere! WHY?!!

Bureaucracy

billinaction — Tue, 10 Mar 2020 18:51:38 GMT

All day has been a hurry up and wait game. I went to an 8am appointment and wasn't seen until 9:30. The visit was not even 4 minutes and I was scheduled for a procedure and sent on my way. That made me miss my dentist appointment and I had to pay a $75 fee for that.

I spent the rest of the afternoon dealing with Mom's insurance. She was terminated from PA Medicaid on 2/29/2020. No notice was recieved by us until the pharmacy and doctor office started calling for "updated information." She might qualify for Medicare so I tried to do that online that. I feel like I did something wrong so I called the number for Social Security. Of course I wait for an hour for the representative to say "we can mail you this form" so I did that.

I am really stressed about my mother not having her medications. She's dependent on meds for Bipolar Disorder, COPD and Rheumatoid arthritis, along with some lesser issues. She can't get therapy now, no check ups on her ongoing issues. She had an echo scheduled today by the cardiologist but that's a no-go now. She missing yearly gynecology check up, her next pulmonology, urology, and rheumatology appointments

It's sad and overwhelming to think about actually. 🥺

In other news, I likely have carpal tunnel syndrome. I also saw the gyno last week and have to get an ultrasound for a weird pain that I experienced during the manual exam. I am also trying a new type of birth control that will maybe help with my PCOS.

Aubrey started new med (Latuda) on Sunday. She's a crabby Patty but I am used to that. Yesterday her psychiatrist office called about her bloodwork. She's got high cholesterol and high triglycerides. Her entire diet needs to change and she's kind of freaked out about that. She's a very picky eater and will refuse to eat rather than try something new or healthy.

Next week I have another IEP meeting because she's failing 9th grade. High school has not been easy for her. Hopefully putting her in more emotional support classes will help. She's doing well in the one she is in now.

We are all falling apart over here. Lol

billinaction, we miss your posts!

billinaction — Sun, 05 Jan 2020 19:59:54 GMT

You can get card with your statistics here!

#2019

This was sad. Only 2 posts a month on average. I should do better but cannot commit to that.

billinaction — Sat, 09 Mar 2019 03:05:01 GMT

When i see news headlines that say "worst parenting mistakes" i automatically think the rest of the article should conclude with "having kids is the worst parenting mistake"

I do not want to live this parenting on high alert life anymore.

I'll share mine too

billinaction — Sat, 15 Apr 2017 19:15:34 GMT

Black Lives Matter

billinaction — Thu, 22 Sep 2016 12:41:00 GMT

Check out this link http://www.blacklivesmattersyllabus.com

What you will find here is a guide to resources and discussions to educate ourselves on the Black Lives Matter movement and Black history. I think it is very important, especially in America today, that we get our noses out of the sand and stand up for one another. I can't do that without being prepared with the knowledge of people way smarter than I am. I intend to read these books, watch these movies, and prepare for battle against a country that often doesn't understand why there is racial tension to begin with and how we can all help create the change.

My week in photos

billinaction — Sun, 17 Apr 2016 14:54:36 GMT

White dress you all loved

I felt compelled to share this since so many of you commented on liking this dress. It is very comfy and I'm wearing it to church today.

My old Minnesota friend, Kyle, was in town for a few days and crashed on our couch. We haven't talked in over 5yrs just because distance happens. But as soon as she was here we picked up like we never left off. That was nice.

With Kyle

Yesterday and this morning we gardened. We pulled weeds, decreased the heaps of mulch, planted bulbs, and put down new red mulch (it was black). It was exhausting but will look good once our flowers start popping up.

Looks weak but will grow into awesomeness

Before 9:30am today we had dropped Kyle at the airport, swam at the gym, went to home depot, and mulched the yard!

Today we will be painting a planter in glow in the dark paint and putting some blossomed plants into it in the backyard. That way Joyce can have some flowers to look at out the window. I am excited to see what it looks like once it is dark! Plus, the grass will get mowed today. We finally have a nice weather weekend so we must take advantage of it.

Tomorrow we are off work and will go work out, go on a long walk with the dogs, and take Joyce to a Dr appt. It'll be nice. I'm premaking some food for the week, too. Turkey meatballs and scones, yummy.

Cuties

Postcards

billinaction — Fri, 18 Mar 2016 01:01:45 GMT

I participated in an A to Z swap in one group. The letters I signed up for are T,V,Y, and Z. Below are the cards from that swap.

T is for Tucson and Trans Continental Railway

V is for Venice boats and view of Columbus

V for villa and Y for Yellow sunrise

Y for young farmers Z for zoo

I have so many cards to post from the past week or so. Expect more in the coming days!

Weird spots

billinaction — Sun, 06 Mar 2016 16:56:37 GMT

I'm at urgent care waiting to be seen for a strange rash on my arm. Suggested diagnosis: shingles, impetigo, scabies, or allergic reaction. It's very itchy and the original bumpy area is very red and uncomfortable. The larger cluster that appeared this morning itches slightly but not as bad as the original ones. It started on Wednesday and I thought I had a bite of some sort. The itchiness has gotten worse and now it spread so here we sit at the office hoping to figure out what it is. Anti-itch creams and antibiotic creams were effective for short periods of time. Yesterday I covered it with gauze to reduce my itch compulsion but it didn't last. On Friday the original bumps popped themselves in the shower and clear liquid came out. Then they got harder and scabby but no less itchy.

The original bumps are near my wrist

Cluster of 12 appeared this morning in a line down towards my elbow

Day 1

billinaction — Sat, 06 Feb 2016 14:31:09 GMT

Friday was awesome mostly. Ariel and I went out for breakfast, went to a gift shop near the Maritime Museum, went to La Jolla Cove to see seals, drove through Coronado Island area. That was all before 2pm. Then we checked into the rental house and went grocery shopping. At around 4:45 our travel companions found their way to us. Remember they aren't planners so they just didn't meet up with us all day!

At Maritime Museum

It was so sunny and hot that I probably should have bought shorts immediately but I didn't.

La Jolla Cove seals

I was so happy to visit the cove and see the seals. I really wanted to be closer so I climbed a mountain of rocks..but it didn't put me closer. My thighs and feet still hurt from this excursion.

I climbed through this barefoot..It was a near death experience.

I really enjoyed Ariel showing me around and getting to see the areas that I knew I wanted to visit.

Love the waves

I was very annoyed that our travel companions ditched us. They were incommunicado for most of the day. Then text "we would like to see you before our evening plans" and then came to the house for an hour. I was really irritated but whatever. They made plans to go out tonight also so it really feels like they are on a 2 person vacation and just happen to be in the same house as us. I'm trying not to act like my feelings are hurt but they are. This is not what I envisioned.

Last night my friend Dan and his wife Ali came over for dinner. I hadn't seen him in ten years since he moved to California from Michigan. It was great to catch up and meet Ali. We played the card game Never Have I Ever. We were not drunk but it was so much fun and we laughed a lot. Learned a lot about one another and there was no judgement. I would recommend it only in a group of laid back friends. Stiff people will not enjoy the cards or admitting to things they've done sexually or whatever. They are going to join us on our adventures today. I also drank a Loko last night. Has anyone drank these canned booze drinks? Pretty tasty and got me very tipsy.

Dan and Ariel playing cards

I can't find a mail box anywhere and that has made me increasingly sad. Our rental guy says it's because mail boxes were blown up a few yrs ago and they didn't replace them in the neighborhoods. Boo!

4 linked by letters pals

Today we venture to Balboa Park and to the ocean again. We might go to a museum or other part of the city too. No clue what our evening plans will be yet, hopefully more relaxing. My feet are still hurting from climbing and I need to figure out a pain remedy.

It's only 6:30 am but I'm going to make myself breakfast, shower, and go for a walk. Everyone else is fast asleep!

Postcards

billinaction — Tue, 02 Feb 2016 20:48:47 GMT

A fun card from Netherlands. It came with a stack of coloring sheets!

A 50 States group card

NYC- Canyon, Photograph

Sendsomething.net card

India cards
These were sent to me from greeneyedsadie

Postcard Round Up

billinaction — Mon, 11 Jan 2016 01:54:08 GMT

A Moomin card!

Received from greeneyedsadie

Eskimo and polar cubs from irradescent

Russia card via postcrossing

Stamps

My friend in Boston sent me this Philly card which made me smile since she must have bought it here.

This is a stack of cards one of my friends has been collecting for a few years. She sent them for a birthday gift, very sweet of her. I'm keeping some and sending some out.

Postcard Roundup

billinaction — Sun, 25 Oct 2015 20:43:03 GMT

Only 4 cards this week..

Stonewall Jackson House, Virginia

Mud Island River Park, Tennessee

Bad Map and a Loud Mouth

Vancouver 2010 sidekick

Read: Disintegration: The Splintering of Black America

billinaction — Thu, 22 Oct 2015 01:53:53 GMT

I just typed a really eloquent long freaking review of this book.. and LJ killed it. *F You!!!

I had not heard any reviews or read anything about this book. I found it while googling Black Lives Matter book recommendations. In an effort to educate myself and be able to discuss history of Black America, I'm trying to read more on the history and struggles. I purchased it from an independent bookstore in Furguson, Missouri. Today I finished it and read the New York Times review from 2011. I completely agree with the final statement of the review "Sometimes writers tell us something familiar — something that we already know, or that we should know — but they do it in such a creative and cleareyed way and with such force that we begin to see things differently independent of any new information."

Things that I took from the book:
(1) History of Jim Crow laws and the generational understanding of race struggles
(2) Reasoning behind wealthy Blacks blaming poor Blacks for thier own situation rather than the institutional reasons
(3) Black America was unified as one body during the Civil Rights movement but over time in an attempt to be equals, there is no unification. Today there is no solid Black America, only Black Americans.
(4) Struggles of immigrants and biracial people in America. I'd like to read more about this and will likely look into it.. add some immigrant books to the list neslihan and I are going through together! :)
On this note, I enjoyed the references to Barack Obama and his struggle as a biracial "black leader" and how that has effected the culture of Black Americans. Many Black people did not support his candidacy because he wasn't black enough and didn't offer many special privileges to blacks who felt they deserved special treatment. Obviously, a lot of white people were against him too, for being too black. He just couldn't win.. BUT HE DID!
(5) Think about the way Blacks are treated in general society, regardless of their socio-economic status.. they can't escape judgement from "old timers" as well as new immigrants and one another.

I would definitely recommend this if you are into case studies and books that really inform you and make you think simultaneously about what you think you know. I really had to think about the things I've believed about different sects of the Black community here- stereotypes of the poor, and judgment of the wealthy, and why people struggle and police still target them.

My next read will be We by Y. Zamyatin.. it is the first book in the Bil-Leslie book club! There is still time to get in the book club, just order a book on your ereader or in paper copy and we'll read together and chatter away.

Postcard RoundUp

billinaction — Sun, 11 Oct 2015 02:19:21 GMT

26 postcards this week!! 2 won't be shown because I was lazy and didn't photograph them before tacking them up in Joyce's room. She really likes cats and I give her the pick of those postcards. :)

My favorite card this week:
Dogue de Brodeaux, one of many cards from Shelby!

first 6 cards are part of a Facebook swap with a woman in California.
These 3 are surprises - the building is a blacksmith shop that was part of a commune- Bishop Hill.

these dog, cat, and Bernie card are from greeneyedsadie such a lovely surprise today!

5 cards from Erie were part of a magnet swap, I also got cool magnets to go with these.

This is the front and back of a card I swapped for on Facebook! I love the Spain map and the stamps/stickers/tape he used (yes, I intentionally blurred the addresses)

Virtual Book Club - you are invited!

billinaction — Thu, 08 Oct 2015 02:01:28 GMT

Dearest neslihan and I have started a Facebook book club. We are going to read a new book each month or less frequently if the book is too heavy. If anyone is interested but isn't my facebook friend, please send me a message so I can friend you and add you to the group. Our first official book will be read in November but Leslie has an unofficial October book going right now!

I am so excited to discuss books with other people!

Postcard round up.

billinaction — Mon, 05 Oct 2015 02:34:58 GMT

There were A LOT of cards this week. Mosly because I did a stretch of offering 5 cards for swap every day of the popecation and ended up with a million requests and people have to send me a card in return. Here's my mail glory this week..

Aloha is private swap for Pope card (mailed from other location)

Holland Card was private swap for Pope card Hong Kong is private swap for Pope card- signed from Hong Kong Postcrossing meetup!
Both Holland and Hong Kong used unique stamps, gotta love that!

Texas card was private swap for a Philly card

Save a life

billinaction — Sun, 20 Sep 2015 19:00:39 GMT

Can you help my friend's nephew out? He isn't even 2 weeks old and he'll be having surgery in the coming week. Today he flies from Iowa to Philadelphia to undergo surgery that will hopefully save his life.

https://www.gofundme.com/m43qcu5k

For every $15 that you donate (can't be anonymous because I can't track anonymous donors) I will mail or deliver one dozen cookies to you.

This little guy and his family are going to be a thousand miles away from home for a long time if he makes it through the first surgery this week. Unpaid leave for his parents, plus the cost of feeding themselves, and extra medical expenses during this unforeseen situation are exorbitant. They know no one in my city and I'm doing everything I can to help them navigate Philly and feel welcomed during the stressful time.

Thanks in advance for prayers and donations.